Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Cold Rain on a Cold Mountain ❯ Episode Two: Funare no Shitsumon ( Chapter 2 )

DISCLAIMER:

Shin Seiki Evangelion was created by Anno Hideaki, and is owned by GAINAX. It was distributed in Japan by King Records, Movic, Star Child, and TV Tokyo, and in America by AD Vision Films and Manga Entertainment (a Palm Pictures company). The manga, from which this story also draws inspiration, was created by Sadamoto Yoshiyuki and is published in America by Vis Entertainment. The rights to the show are thus owned by the original creators, and the above companies. The use of the characters, settings, and concepts is without permission, but under the grounds of being a part of an active fandom, I request the above parties to not take legal action against me. Besides, Pen^Pen is my lawyer. Just you try and beat a penguin with a law degree. Just you try.

COLD RAIN ON A COLD MOUNTAIN

"Cold Rain on

A Cold Mountain

What secrets do you hide?

With your silent

Rocks and trees

In whom do you confide?

Angels walk in time forgot

Our lances fly and fall

For the good of man we toss our lot

Upon your rocky wall."

EPISODE TWO

FUNARE NO SHITSUMON

"God's In His Heaven, All's Right With The World?"

She nodded in agreement. Both figures stood before the red seal painted on the concrete wall.

"But why these words? Why this to represent our struggle?"

"Shinji-kun, you must understand something. Whether you believe in God or not, this struggle requires the ultimate commitment of faith. If you do not have faith in what we do here, if you do not have faith in those behind you, if you do not have faith in yourself, then the world and our hopes will fall. Do you understand now?"

"No, Misato-san, I do not."

A sigh.

"Well, perhaps one day you shall. Now come on, we're going to be late."

In his hands, Shinji gripped the heavy yet reassuring weight of the assault rifle. Though he could not explain just why, feeling his finger on the trigger gave him a feeling of almost complacent happiness. Knowing he had the gun in his hands gave him a sense of security, of power. He would not fall to an enemy so easily. Not while he had his weapon. The Angel appeared before him, and his heart began to beat faster. In that moment when he first saw the enemy, he always felt a pang of fear. But now, he had his weapon. He would kill, not just because he was ordered to, but because he wanted to. Routine and discipline. Those were the keys to winning. He leveled the gun, pulled the switch. The chatter of shells consumed his senses. The target, studded with explosions, fell back amongst the city streets, and vanished in a plume purple of smoke and flame.

"Very good," came the voice in the comm. He glanced over from his view screen, and saw the image of the blonde woman that had taught him all this. Akagi Ritsuko, that was her name.

"Thanks," was Shinji's sole response. It was all he needed to say. Pleasantries, after all, only got in the way of routine. She should have known that and not said anything. After all, she was the one that had told him not to care.

"On this next one, try to aim more towards the center, and don't let your aim sway from the recoil. We don't want more collateral damage than we need."

He shifted the Positron Rifle around in his hands. Well, they were not exactly his hands; rather, they were the hands of his EVA. How strange it was that when he was inside the cockpit, EVA's body p arts seemed to replace his own.

As he watched, the Angel he had just destroyed reappeared in his targeting screen. Though he knew this was only a test, a simulation of combat rather than combat itself, Shinji always felt his pulse quicken when he saw the enemy before him. He engaged his computer aided aiming display.

Target in the center, pull the switch. Clatter of shells, Angel destroyed. Next. Target in the center, pull the switch. Next. Target in the center, pull the switch. Next. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch.

Pounding. Pounding. Pounding. Again and again and again the beam of energy lanced out into his EVA's head. Further and further back he was pushed, the pain building in his temples until they felt ready to burst. He felt himself crash against something, his back pressed up against a building. Again and again and again.

Pounding. Pounding. Pounding. With a final explosion of pain in his head, Shinji lost any sense of control that he had left. The cockpit around him glowed in warnings. His eyes began to close. It was so easy. To slip away. To relax...

The Evangelion shifting to life again snapped Shinji out of his trance. He felt its great bulk move about without the aid of his control, felt the mechanical beast growing suddenly powerful, despite the damage dealt to it. With a great roar, the robot charged forward, racing towards the Angel. Shinji could faintly hear the comm chatter from Central Dogma, the cries of astonishment, of concern, of his own name. None of it mattered. None of it was in his control any more. He was simply along for the ride. In a tremendous, thunderous impact, the Evangelion slammed into the Angel with the force of a million freight trains, pounding at it, tearing away the divine field protecting it.

Pounding. Pounding. Pounding. Now it was the turn of his machine, his monster. The Angel leapt up suddenly, wrapping itself around the EVA. Over the comm, Shinji could just barely hear the words "... self-destruct..."

An incredible, blinding light enveloped him. The world surrounding him dissolved in flame and dust. Above the sound of the explosion, only Shinji could hear the final, unearthly scream of the Angel as it died around him. It was a sound unlike anything he had ever heard before. It started as a howl, but as it accelerated into the purple fire, the cry became one as if sung by a thousand voices united in one, a choir assembled to sing the praises of God as the world broke about them.

Shinji desperately covered his ears, his face a mask of pain and awe as the deathly song became such a pure note that it passed beyond the range of earthly hearing. As the Angel hit its last, final note, as the cockpit of the Evangelion erupted in sparks, a white flash shone through the lids of Shinji's closed eyes. In the pure white of his inner eyelids, he saw something strange, something familiar, as though from the realm of dreams. He tried to open his lips, to speak, but the Angel's song was too much for him. With a final flash of realization, he recognized the being realized in light. Then, everything ended around him, and he knew no more.

"Shinji-kun! Shinji-kun!"

"Pilot Ikari, what the hell is going on?"

"His sync-rate is plummeting. He's losing control of the ability to target. The EVA is taking over!"

"Stop the test! Get him out of there, now!"

The rifle blazed, shells flew in all directions. His finger kept depressing the trigger, spraying rounds in all directions. All, that is, except for at the Angel. The city around him erupted in clouds of dust and smoke as building after building was consumed by the inaccurate swaying of his rifle. The Evangelion spun around, spraying the access point that it had emerged from with fire. The boy panicked.

"Stop! Stop! Misato-san!" The Angel loomed before him, coming closer and closer. "Help! Someone, please!" His cries were to no avail. All confidence was gone now, all was exchanged for fear. The monster leapt forward, landing square in front of him. He squeezed the trigger, the rifle's muzzle now touching the Angel's chest.

The beast before him doubled over backwards, explosions ripping into its bulk. Screaming as he held the trigger down, he pumped round after round into the Angel, mutilating it until finally an explosion of inhuman power consumed it. Then, the power of his Evangelion drained away, and the machine slowly beginning to slump towards the ground. A sudden flash overcame him, as the uncanny sensation of being pulled from another overwhelmed him. His eyes burned as the light of the testing bay came sharply into focus. The canopy of the Entry Plug slid open, light streamed in. As the plug loader moved him up and out of the Evangelion and set the plug within which he lay down upon the floor of the bay, realization finally struck Shinji Ikari. It was a test. It was a memory.

With a thud, the plug bumped against the floor. Shinji looked up at the Evangelion which towered over him, then to the voices calling out to him. He saw Misato running with a group of others towards him. He reached his hand out desperately towards the blurred image of those coming to save him, trying to close his fingers around the vision which was growing ever more ethereal. As his guardian reached the entry plug, screaming out to him, Shinji blacked out.

*************************************************************** *********

"Dr. Akagi, the events of today have to make even the most confident of us wonder if our faith in you and the Evangelions is misplaced."

The blonde woman swallowed hard under the verbal assault of the Commander.

"The nature of our fight with the Angels is obviously an uncertain one, but we do expect, at least in our simulation tests, that things should go as planned. Please explain the incident." A shadowy figure appeared behind the Commander. Stepping forward into the light, Ritsuko could see that it was the Vice Commander, Fuyutsuki Kouzou. Shivering slightly as his eyes passed over her, she forced herself to speak.

"The nature of the incident in training today was of the loss of pilot synchronization to Unit 01. The cause is unknown, as of now."

"So the problem was similar to the one experienced by Rei during her activation test?" The elder Ikari leaned forward towards Ritsuko from his position behind his desk.

"Not exactly. The problem with the Unit 00 activation trial lay in the pilot's inability to cross the synchronization border line. Normally, as you know, this would not result in a berzerker state, but apparent mental instability in the pilot prompted the Evangelion to take full control. With today's incident, it appears that Shinji only lost partial control of the unit and that the will of the EVA... did not emgage fully."

"And how did this happen?" The Commander was growing impatient, she could tell.

"We... I don't know. All I can tell you is that according to the data gathered during the experiment, his brain-wave activity spiked just before the loss of targeting control. In other words, he became very emotionally unstable."

"Emotion is irrelevant. Is he stable enough to fight? The Fourth Angel could arrive at any moment, and without him things become far more complicated. If we are forced to use Rei in her current state..."

"I know, I know. But we can't tell just yet. If he suffered any major mental strain, we'll know soon enough. Captain Katsuragi has him in her care at the hospital. We should know if it was instability in three hours, when his mental evaluation test is complete." She lowered her eyes.

"Very well. Keep me informed. I must leave to meet with the Committee in ten hours, so bring him when he regains consciousness. They shall not be pleased to hear of this development." A pause. "Dismissed."

Ritsuko walked out of the Commander's office. She had not told him the whole truth, but her instincts whispered that her denial of facts was matched with his own. Trust was not something which came easily to her when discussing such matters, with the Commander or with anyone. The fact was, if Ikari Gendo could know the real reason behind his son's failure in the targeting test, for the berserking of his EVA, he would instantly have the boy removed from NERV, threat of future Angel or no.

"Oh little Shinji," she spoke to herself in the silent and empty hallway, "I know the secret that lies in your blood."

*************************************************************** *********

"Ayanami! Ayanami!" He cried it out through a throat raw from use, but it did not matter. His own concerns no longer mattered, now that he knew what was about to happen. In his Evangelion, he looked at the battle outside. Angel and EVA clashed before him, tearing into one another. He knew this scene well. Staring down into his comm screen, his gaze was met by the familiar crimson eyes.

"Why do you haunt my dreams?"

"Because you wish me to."

"You are mistaken. I do not."

"It is your dream. You dream what you will."

"Who are you?"

"I am Ayanami Rei, pilot of the Prototype Evangelion Unit 00."

"No, I mean who are you?"

"I do not understand. Who are you, Shinji-kun?" Her lips moved slightly. Such a small movement. Such a futile action. Sad eyes, small smile. That was all. An instant later, all was fire and noise, and the world rocked to its core far below.

In the cold confines of the empty cockpit, now devoid even of the image on the comm screen, the cries of a grief unknowable to those who have never loved and lost filled the silence left in the calm serenity of destruction. As he cried, Shinji could not help but wonder at the girl who moments before had lived. Like she had said, the answer must be somewhere within him. If only he knew where.

Eyelids slowly opened. The glare of lights filtered in through the slits created by their opening, overwhelming the vision the eyes could see. Harsh, white light. That was all. Then, the patterns of a ceiling above. Square panels, one after another. Unfamiliar, yes, but somehow known. Then, a face above his. Eyes opened wider, to take in the details. Smooth, white skin, concerned eyes, open lips, purple hair. He knew the face.

"Misato..." He tried to speak, but could only get out the name.

"Shhh, Shinji-kun. It's O.K. Everything is O.K." Her voice soothed him, like a warm, inviting blanket.

"How long... how long have I been here?"

A pause. A sigh. Then, a response.

"It has been twelve hours since the incident. The doctor just finished checking your mental strength a minute ago."

"What time is it now?"

"It's 1:30 in the morning. You should try and rest some more."

"Is Ayanami here? Is she alive?" He had to know if it was the dream, or if it was real. It had seemed so real this time.

"What? Ayanami?"

"Yes, she's alive," came the voice from out of his field of vision. He turned his head to look, and saw the blonde hair of the woman from his test earlier that day.

"Dr. Akagi? What are you doing here?" Misato seemed to be surprised, but he knew not why.

"Checking up on our most valuable pilot." She smiled past Misato to the bed. "So, how is he?"

"I'm fine." The answer from him did not satisfy her.

"How is he, Misato-san?"

"Well, according to the latest brain-wave scans, he's perfectly all right. No mental damage whatsoever."

"Good." She turned to Shinji. "We're going to need you in another six hours. As soon as the doctor finalizes the release papers, we'll be needing you in Central Dogma. Misato-san, you are responsible for getting him there."

"But Dr. Akagi-er, Ritsuko-san, we don't know for sure his mental and emotional state! All the tests thus far have been done while he has been unconscious!"

"The orders come from Commander Ikari. There is no room for debate." Ritsuko took his purple haired guardian aside, and spoke to her in a low whisper. "The Scenario dictates the Fourth Angel is due within a day. The Commander doesn't want to use Rei yet, so Shinji is our only option."

"But he's in no condition to fight! Did you see what happened today? Were you even there?" Misato was screaming.

"There is no other option," Ritsuko repeated calmly, a dull flame burning behind her eyes.

"I'll do it." The response startled both women out of their respective states of anger. They turned towards the bed in shock.

"I'll do it," he repeated softly. "If I don't, who will?"

The answer caught the two women by just as much surprise as the original statement from the boy had. Misato looked long and hard at him. After a silence that seemed an eternity, she answered.

"All right."

There had been no time for school, up until today. He knew that he had been assigned to one that he was supposed to have been going now since he had arrived in Tokyo-3. Could he help it that he was always needed at NERV headquarters, every day?

He remembered what Misato had told him, before he had left that morning. If you don't learn it now, you probably never will. The statement had made a certain amount of sense to him, just like all of Misato's statements, but ultimately the meaning behind it came up hollow. A simple logical question from him had undone what she had said, even if he had kept it to himself. Was what he was going to learn worth learning at all?

He walked through the hallway, down the bustling corridors, lost in his own thoughts. They swirled around in his brain, endlessly vying with each other to take precedence in his mind. Above all the others, one calm and quiet voice spoke louder than all the rest. It carried in it a power beyond simple volume or base. Rather, its power lay in the man behind it. The voice spoke to Shinji over and over and over again.

"If he fails to synch with the Unit in a combat situation, then we all will pay the price." "He must be sure to maintain a high rate of synchronization." "He is the only option for defense of NERV."

He hated his father. He hated him to the core. But all that he could do was stand there, listen to his own father talk past him like he wasn't even there. This was the man that gave him life? This was the man who made up half of him? How was it possible? And then, he left. Left without even a word of good luck, of good grace, of good-bye. Left him alone, with nothing but the angels and demons of his waking dreams and nightmares for company.

He stopped before an open doorway, looking into the classroom to which it led. The others in the room seemed distant, locked in their own social patterns. Students bumped from desk to desk, moving from one friend to the next like workers checking parts on an assembly line.

It hadn't mattered in particular that he had offered to pilot again. He knew that, sooner or later, they would have called him anyway, and he would have had to come. He was the only one. There were no others outside of him. Wait. There was another, but she was unusable. Ayanami.

His thoughts strayed to her. He wondered what part she played. Beyond what he knew, beyond what everyone knew, what was the mystery behind her? Why was she in his dreams? Why was she the sole thing that he knew would be there, every night without fail? The world changed around him, but he stayed the same. The girl in his mind stayed the same. Always the same. Who was she?

He walked into the classroom. Despite being a few minutes late, the lessons had not yet begun for the day, and the teacher was nowhere in sight. He still could not understand why, after everything that had happened yesterday, how he could possibly have been sent to school now. His father had even mentioned the possibility of another Angel within a day or two. What good was he here? With a mind full of questions, he barely paid any attention as he sat down at a desk near the windows which looked to the world outside.

"Excuse me..." He looked up at the source of the voice. A brown haired girl, dressed in the same school uniform as everyone else, looked down at him.

"Ikari." The boy finished for her.

"Yes, um, Ikari-san. The desk you are sitting in belongs to Ayanami-san. I'll show you to another." Shinji stood up, looking down at the desk as he did so. From all outside appearances, the desk looked as abandoned as any of the empty ones littering the room. There were no stacks of papers, no folders, nothing to speak of. Just an empty desk. An empty desk for an empty girl, perhaps?

His train of thought was broken as he looked up at the brown haired girl leading him away. She walked to the middle of the room, a few rows from the front.

"You can sit right here, if you want."

"Sure." He responded with a voice so devoid of feeling that it bordered on the mechanical. The corners of the girl's mouth turned down a small bit, so that her smile became instead a neutral expression.

"Hey, aren't you the transfer student? You were supposed to come in for class two weeks ago. Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, things have been a bit difficult after the attack." He spoke with truth at least, though the real answer was not stated.

"My name is Horaki Hikari. I'm the class rep. If you need anything, just let me know, O.K.?"

"Sure." His answer once again was as empty as a promise made on a night of wild abandon. The expression on the girl's face turned into a definitive frown, and she turned to try and hide it from him. With a sigh, he sat down at the table and looked straight ahead at the vacant blackboard. Behind him, a conversation began.

"What's up, class rep?" The voice was male, though Shinji could still hear in it the strains of youth, an unwillingness, perhaps, to grow up.

"Did you give him the printouts I gave you yesterday?" The voice was female, and though it took him a second to place it in his mind, clearly the words were spoken by the girl he had just met, Hikari.

"What? Well..." The male voice trailed off, then spoke again.

"Well, there wasn't anybody home at Toji's place."

"Aida-san, aren't you Suzuhara-kun's friend? Aren't you worried about him?"

"Do you suppose he's injured?" Aida-san asked.

"What? In that robot incident?! The television report said that no one was injured!" So this was what they knew outside of NERV. Nothing. Nothing at all. Shinji suppressed the desire to laugh at the blissful ignorance that the girl displayed. If everyone knew what it was really like...

"No way, you saw where the explosion was on Mount Takanosu, didn't you?" The voice of dissent from the state-sponsored report drew Shinji's interest, no matter how limited it was. He stole a glance back at the boy who the voice belonged to as he continued to speak. Large, round glasses covered his eyes, making it difficult to see them as the light from the window reflected off their smooth surfaces. In one hand, he held a video camera, and in the other, a small toy version of the UN aircraft Shinji had seen fall from the sky on that fateful day, already over two weeks ago.

"There were fighters scrambled from Iruma and Komatsu, and there were also troops from Misawa and Kyushu. I'll bet at least ten or twenty people were injured, and there had to be some killed, too." The sound of a door sliding open drew Shinji's attention away from the boy's speculation. Apparently, it drew the attention of the class rep and the guessing boy as well. The tall form of another boy stood in the doorway.

"Toji!" His friend exclaimed.

"Suzuhara!" The girl followed suit. The new arrival came up to the spectacled boy's desk, and dropped his white book bag on the table next to it.

"Wow, has the class population dropped or what?" His voice sounded more weathered than the one belonging to his fellow, but it also carried in it the distinctive notes of a boy confident in his own physical abilities.

"They've all been evacuated or transferred to other schools. After all, no one wants to stay after that last battle inside the city." As Aida-san spoke, the class rep wandered off to greet another friend. Even with such a small number of students present, it seemed like everyone had at least one friend. Everyone but him.

"Yeah, you're probably the only one who's actually enjoying the chance to see a real war." Toji said this with almost a bitterness in his voice, as though he had some information that no one else did.

"Yeah, I am. And speaking of which, where have you been, Toji? Why were you absent so long? Did you get involved in the war?" Aida-san's series of questions sounded to Shinji almost like an artillery barrage on the ears. Judging from the way that the Toji sighed, they seemed to have had a similar effect on him as well.

"My little sister did." Despite himself, Shinji's eyes widened. As Toji continued on, Shinji listened with an intense fixation on what he already knew was his fault.

"She was crushed under a pile of debris. She survived but she's been in the hospital ever since. Both my dad and grand-dad are working at the lab, and there's no way they can leave their posts. So, if I'm not with her, she's all alone." As the guilt flooded through him, Shinji knew what he had to do. Only his lack of courage kept him from standing up right then, from apologizing for the wrong he had done. The battle raged within him, one half of his personality clashing against the other. All this was in an instant dispelled when the tall boy behind him spoke his next words.

"That robot's pilot was really dumb! It makes me so angry! How could he wreck our city? What was he doing?" Each demand pushed Shinji lower and lower, until he felt that he might slip beneath the table. He knew what had happened in the battle. He knew what he had done. But had he actually done it? The EVA had moved on its own, hadn't it? It wasn't his fault, it couldn't be his fault. It wasn't my fault!

"Oh, about the pilot, have you heard the rumor about the new transfer student?" Aida-san asked, as though trying to get his friend's mind off of what had happened.

"What transfer student?" The anger in Toji's voice had not dissipated.

"Him, over there." Though it was only one finger that pointed at him, Shinji felt as though the entire world stood accusing him. Despite the fear he had within him, he let nothing pass by the dead expression he showed to the world. Toji's friend continued to speak.

"He transferred here while you were absent, but today is the first time he has actually come to class. I first heard about him right after the incident. Don't you think that's odd?"

Whatever answer Toji might have had was forgotten as the teacher walked in.

"All rise!" Hikari belted out with a trained professionalism that struck Shinji as unusual in a girl so small and young. He turned his head to look behind him nervously. The two boys behind him had risen, then struck poses as though they were in a print club booth.

A hint of blue hair by the window caught his eye. Ayanami. When had she come in? Unlike the rest of the class, she had not risen, instead choosing to simply stare out the window. Alone in a silence all her own, oblivious to the world changing around her. So like him. The sound of the teacher clearing his throat brought Shinji's gaze back to the front of the room.

"Good morning, class. Today, I would like to tell you all about the Second Impact..."

The alert siren wailed out its clear notes, like the horn of some great demon, heralding the end of the world. It blared on and on, building desperation in the hearts of men as it warned them of their coming destruction. To the regular man, the siren meant doom. It meant cowering in some dark and damp shelter, clutching at loved ones or strangers, riding out the blasts and tremors until either the artificial cave collapsed about him, or until the alerts passed, and it was safe once again. To Shinji, none of these concerns ever crossed into his mind. All he felt was movement. Movement swirling about him, of people running in all directions. Silent sounds and flashes of unseen light in every corner of the world.

As the mass ran in chaos, he walked forward in order, in a grim determination all his own, towards the entrance to NERV. All these people surrounding him, all of his classmates, everyone he knew, depended on him. The citizens of this city, of his city, tied their hopes and futures to what he did. He was the pilot, he was the chosen one to save all others. As the people broke and scattered around him, none could have realized that they had chosen the most fragile, the most vulnerable, the most lonely and helpless of their company. None could have realized that the boy they depended on, the boy that now walked towards destiny, had tears in his eyes.

He swiped them away with a hand already stained with blood. Even as they depended on him, some amongst them had knocked him down. For that brief moment, as he lay there against the hard and unwelcoming ground, the will to abandon grew to its strongest power. Then, the other had appeared before him, the beacon of order, and he knew what he had to do. Onward. Onward. Following the footsteps of the one before him, but making no trails of his own. In that moment, as he wiped away the tears, he knew that at best he was a leaf in a sea stricken by a storm unknown in ages before. No matter what motions he made, no matter what direction he tried to take, the storm always carried him back towards the place it sought for him, into the clash of the roughest of waves. The ethereal girl of dreams before drew him on, he followed in her wake, and the tears slipping off his cheeks fell, staining the ground that they touched below.

EPISODE TWO

IJO NA CHI

Once again, he found himself in the entry plug. The lights glowed around him as the Evangelion powered up. His Evangelion. A shudder passed through his slim frame as the LCL passed up and over him, surrounding him, drowning him. Once again, he was here. How had this came to pass?

"LCL oxygenated. Releasing airlock." The voice of the female controller Ibuki Maya passed through the cockpit, a professional voice full of calm cool. How it contrasted with the inner voice of the cockpit's occupant.

Why am I piloting this thing again, even though my father's not here? Shinji could not bring his own quavering anger and fear under control. He remembered the incident in the school yard for the hundredth time. Even though… I got beat up? Why?

"Shinji-kun, are you ready?" Misato's voice filtered over the comm, strained as though it were spoken through a wall. He knew that it was not just the result of the conversion of the voice from sound to data and back to sound again. Something else hid the true feeling.

"Yes." It was all he said, it was all he needed to say.

"First, neutralize the enemy's AT field, then fire a volley." As she recited the instructions, he could not help but feel the sense of dread building within him, the sense of despair. Memory. Memory haunting.

"Do it just like we practiced. Can you handle that?"

"Yes." The dread was covered by his emotionless answer, a covering for the feelings boiling within. There was a pause, and then, the inevitable sound of Misato's command.

"Launch!"

Upward, upward, and to the side, flying ever higher on towards inevitability. His hands gripped the controls of the EVA tightly, his mind focused, his heart raced. It was about to begin. The lift stopped, and he found himself within one of the massive lift sheds. The mechanical door before him swung open, and the blinding, streaming sunlight of the afternoon overwhelmed his senses. As he squinted through the wall of light, the instructions from Central Dogma began anew.

"The AT field has been deployed."

"Target in the center, pull the switch."

"Do it just as planned, okay, Shinji-kun?"

"Target in the center, pull the switch." A strong, inhaled breath, and then an answer.

"Right."

Into the light he emerged, gripping the rifle tightly in his hands. The Angel was before him, immense in its size, in its power, in its terror. He stared into its great eyes, just as surely as they stared back into his. All calm lost, all control abandoned. His finger tightened on the firing stud. Shot after shot after shot poured into the Angel, shell after shell after shell. The ground around the target exploded into dust and smoke, the buildings surrounding torn asunder in the raging fury of the EVA's artillery. And yet, there was no explosion, no collapse, no sound from the target. Just a raging whirlwind of fire and steam.

"You idiot!" The voice drifted past his ears, like it had been caught in a fall wind blowing far away.

"You hid the enemy with your own smoke!"

As Misato's words sunk in, the thought slowly came to Shinji that he had never neutralized the Angel's AT field before firing. His finger slowly slipped away from the trigger. Out of the smoke, twin tendrils of pure energy raced forth, snaking out towards him. A cry caught in his throat as the two whips of light sent the EVA spinning, sprawling, crashing to the ground. The lift building that he had just emerged from shuddered, then slid down to the ground, cleft neatly in two by the power of the Angel. A massive crash shook the ground as the mighty structure crumbled beside him. Too stunned to move, too frightened to fight, all Shinji could do was look down at his rifle.

The barrel had been sliced apart by the beam, the delicate inner workings of the weapon destroyed beyond repair. In the air above him, the tendrils snapped back into the smoke from whence they had come. The desperation in the young pilot grew. What could he do against an enemy such as this? How was he going to survive?

"I'm sending you a spare rifle." Misato's voice came back over the comm speaker. He saw the rifle materialize on his scanners, a scant few steps away. But he couldn't move. He couldn't move a muscle. He, and the EVA around him, were completely and entirely paralyzed by fear.

"Take it!" Misato urged him, the hints of desperation and fear filtering over the professional air she tried so hard to maintain. But the boy was helpless to answer her.

"Shinji-kun? Hey, Shinji-kun?" The calm was gone, replaced by the stark reality of what was about to happen. In the cockpit, the boy's vision was filled by the massive bulk of the Angel. The snapping whips of power crackled in the air over him, prepared to strike. Terrified, Shinji stared at the twin spinning beams as they arched down towards him. He studied them with a grim fascination. So this is death. He tried to scream, to cry out to Misato for help, but his efforts were in vain. Time seemed to slow as the tendrils of light came lower and lower, closer and closer.

At the last second, something stirred within his heart. The impulse raced down from the brain through neural connectors, leaping vertebrae by vertebrae down his spine, all throughout his body, and then back up, into the receptors which tuned his thoughts to EVA. The Angel slashed down, through the cement sidewalk of the street, rending pavement and roadway into a cloud of iridescent, shimmering dust. But the Evangelion was not there.

Shinji leapt backwards, desperately trying to run. Buildings seemed to rush past him as he stumbled back, in his attempt at escape. He had put only a little bit of distance between him and the Angel when the tendrils reached out for him again. The buildings he had just passed became airborne, torn from their foundations and tossed in the air like a child's set of blocks. One after another after another flipped up into the air, then crashed downwards to the ground, splitting and cracking and imploding in on themselves. Three buildings, then two, then just one structure remained between him and the reaching arms of the Angel.

As the last building spun skyward, the tendrils snapped under the EVA, tossing it backwards. Shinji exhaled sharply as his back slammed into a building behind, the wind knocked out of him by the impact. His construct crumpled into a tired heap against the building, as the glancing beams whipped past him once more. The building that he leaned against blew apart in a shower of concrete and steel, dissolved and demolished by the power of a servant of God. Shinji's head swam as his EVA landed hard amongst the rubble. Electrical bolts arched in all directions as a red cable swung and spun uncontrollably before him. Snaking beams of energy shot out everywhere, striking the EVA, the ground, the buildings, and the street, before finally collapsing limply to the ground, like a beheaded serpent. With a sudden flash of realization, he understood what the cable was, and his heart leapt into his mouth.

"The umbilical cable has been snapped off!"

"EVA has switched to it's internal battery power source."

"4 minutes, 53 seconds of activation remaining."

Panic. Panic. It consumed the boy's mind, the boy's heart, the boy's soul. He tried to stand, to bring his Evangelion to bear against the Angel once more, though there was little he could do. A flash of purple light arched before him, and before he had the chance to be further frightened, the Angel had him in its gasp. The whip wrapped itself around his left ankle, pulled him forward, and then lifted him skyward. For a brief instant, Shinji saw directly into the eyes of the Angel, and the Angel looked squarely into his. The momentary second seemed an eternity, as the being before him examined the now captured foe, like a prize won from a carnival hawker, deciding whether to keep it close, or throw it away. The Angel, it appeared, was displeased with the acquisition, and Shinji found himself sailing through the air, over streets and cars and buildings and trees, sailing through the air for all eternity. Then, the mountain caught him, in its rocky embrace, in its earthy stiffness. It did not give way under him.

He felt, for a moment, like becoming one with the hillside, joining the ancient shrines hidden amongst the foliage as a relic of human pride, of the desire to master nature, to master God. He wondered, in the moment that seemed to stretch on forever, what little creatures would live in the cockpit, after the LCL had drained away, and there was nothing left of him but dust. Would there even be any creatures left at all, after the Angel? Would anything remain, besides the haunting memory of defeat?

"Shinji-kun, are you all right? Shinji-kun!" Misato's voice brought him back to the present. A flurry of other voices sounded over the comm. Misato filtered back in once more, although her voice sounded more distant, as though she had turned away from the pickup.

"Damage report?"

"No problems detected. He can make it." The man's voice just barely filtered in through the comm speaker. Nevertheless, it was enough for Shinji. He slowly, painfully moved his head, a sound like a gong ringing in his ears. He shifted his eyes over to his left, to survey the condition of the EVA. Below him, he could see the form of the Evangelion's hand, pushed by the impact into the mountain side. It was truly an incredible sight. But the boy's eyes widened in surprise and shock, however, from what lay between the index and middle fingers of the hand. Two shapes. Human shapes. One in white, and the other, black.

The figures turned, and looked up at him in the cockpit. Although they could not see his face, he could see theirs. Upon each was stenciled a look of fear, and awe, at the powerful monster looming above them. In Shinji's mind, suddenly the forms became people, people he knew. Suzuhara and Aida. The boys who beat him up.

As he looked down at them from within the entry plug, a shadow passed over both their crouched forms. Shinji looked to see what had cast them into darkness. It was the Angel.

Twin purple tendrils raced towards him, rising high into the air before striking downwards, like a viper coiled around its prey. But he could not fight his adversary. Below him, two lives depended on his every motion, his every movement. The image of Toji's sister, who Shinji had never seen, raced to his mind. He saw her lying in her hospital bed, in the deep sleep of drug-induced pain relief. It was his fault, what had happened to her. And now, the two boys beneath him were about to be his fault as well. No. This could not be.

With all of the energy left to him, Shinji grabbed the controls of the EVA, and brought both armored hands up, to meet the tendrils in mid flight. Each beam landed squarely in a palm. Knowing what was about to come, Shinji closed his fists. He cried out in agony as he felt his hands erupt into pain, every nerve impulse firing, urging him to let go. But he could not. He would not.

"Activation time remaining: 3 minutes 28 seconds." Maya's voice raced in through the rip that fear had torn in Shinji's conscience, and joined with the pain in his mind. Knowing it was his only hope, the boy focused on every last word of the report, trying to deviate his attention from the sensations in his hands. A moment later, Misato's voice, once more filled with control, filtered into his ears.

"Shinji-kun, let them into the cockpit! Once you've got them, make a temporary retreat. We'll start again later!" Ritsuko's angry voice answered Misato's order from within the control room, but Shinji could only just hear the highest notes. He then heard Misato again.

"I'm authorizing it." Once more, Ritsuko spoke, but he could not understand her words. All that filled his brain was the image of his classmates below him, and the Angel above. Several long seconds passed before he heard any other voices.

"Unit 01's remaining activation time: 3 minutes." With that announcement, things finally began to move again in Central Dogma.

"Hold EVA on your current commands and eject the plug. Hurry up!" Shinji needed no further orders. A touch of fingers on control panels brought the entry plug into motion. The cockpit was doused in red light, as the English word `DISCHARGE' flashed on the screens which surrounded the boy. Within a brief moment, he heard splashes and voices behind him. The hatch closed behind them, and the plug slid itself back into the Evangelion.

Whatever the boys were saying behind him was lost to Shinji as the view screens to the outside world flipped back on. Before him, dwarfing even the EVA, the massive form of the Angel loomed ever closer. He tried to toss the Angel, to move it somehow away from him. But no matter how he twisted the controls, no matter what he did, there was no response from the Evangelion.

"Abnormal conditions occurring in the nervous system." Misato cried out. Ritsuko answered her, and this time, Shinji could clearly hear her words.

"Of course. It's because you've allowed two foreign bodies into the matrix! They're being detected as noise in the nerve impulse system!"

Try as he might, there was no moving the Angel. The EVA was simply not responding. In his mind, despite the pain, Shinji began to feel another sensation, one growing increasingly in power. He was beginning to feel anger. All of this time, fear had pervaded his mind. He had been fighting the whole battle based in fear. How could he win like that? The anger built in his mind, until finally it began to consume his raw terror. He focused his every mental energy, ignoring the pain, ignoring the sounds of panic from the boys behind him, even ignoring the ever-present feeling of despair which was so unique to him.

His previous efforts to toss off the Angel had been huge, forced movements of the controls. This time, he did not even notice the motion as he twisted, and then moved the handles forward, so slowly and smoothly that, had the movement been noticed in other circumstances, it could have been mistaken as for a precise brush stroke in a painting. Nevertheless, the movement drained him completely, and he collapsed under the supreme effort of it. The Angel sailed through the air, and crashed back down to the base of the mountain.

"Retreat! Now!" Misato cried out the order as Shinji slowly brought the Evangelion into a standing position once more.

"Utilize recovery route 34, retreat to the east side of the mountain." Shinji simply sat there in the seat, hunched over, face amongst the controls.

"Hey, new kid, she said, `Retreat!' New kid!" Toji yelled out desperately, trying to bring the boy pilot back to his senses. To the other occupants of the cockpit, Shinji appeared to be asleep, removed from all the other outside events. But within his mind, another state existed. Slowly, surely, he began to whisper out the words he knew so well.

"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away!" He suddenly brought his form up, out of the near crouch he had assumed earlier, and his right hand touched the controls.

"Progressive Knife engaged!" The voice echoed through the cockpit, as he grabbed the knife in his right hand, and activated it.

"Obey my orders, Shinji-kun! You've got to retreat! Shinji-kun!" As Misato's desperate words flashed through the cockpit, only one thought filled Shinji's mind.

No, Misato-san. Not this time.

With a great scream from the pilot within it, the Evangelion leapt forward, knife in hand, and began to slide down the slope of the hill. Trees and rocks gave way before the massive bulk of the beast coming down the mountain, tossed in the air into a trail of flying debris which stretched out behind the unit. Shinji's howl echoed through the comm channel, filling the ears of everyone within Central Dogma. The Angel stood before him, and seeing his target so close filled the boy with even greater rage. Twin tendrils snaked out, thrusting like spears straight into the EVA's stomach. The monstrous being slumped, and Shinji's scream of rage turned into one fueled by pain. He gasped under the incredible sensation running through his body, then looked up at the Angel, so close, still within reach.

A sudden surge of energy passed through him, and with another cry of rage, pain, and still-present terror, Shinji leapt towards the Angel. Seeing the core just before him, he pulled the Progressive Knife up, and then thrust down. The tip of the knife touched the protective shell, and sparks began to shoot in all directions.

Pain exploded through Shinji's chest. It consumed him, growing more and more powerful as each second passed, overwhelming all other feelings. He looked down at his form, encased in the plug suit, and saw blood beginning to stain through the material which made it up. The cry of battle caught in his throat, and he tasted blood on his tongue. What was happening to him?

"What's happening to him?" Misato screamed over the comm.

"I don't know! Somehow, his mind has become linked with the Angel's! He's feeling all of the pain he is inflicting, as though it were his own!" Ritsuko had a note of desperation in her voice as she finished the statement. "If he penetrates the core with the Progressive Knife... he's going to kill himself!"

"Shinji-kun! Shinji-kun! Stop, retreat! You're going to die if you keep this up! Please, Shinji-kun!" Misato's words barely were perceived by Shinji as the pain overwhelmed his every sense. In his mind, something was happening. The pain was driving him, giving him the strength to kill the Angel, even as he killed himself. The voice of Ibuki Maya, the female controller back in Central Dogma, was what he focused on, as he drove the knife deeper and deeper into the Angel's core.

"20... 19... 18... 17..."

Sparks flew everywhere, setting fire to the torn up trees below. The flames licked up around the EVA's feet, hardly noticeable when set against the bulk of the two monsters locked in battle. Shinji glanced downwards towards his chest. The plug suit had now turned entirely red, and the blood was beginning to seep through. He renewed his cry of battle, driven by the pain, and blood splattered out of his mouth, mixing with the LCL which surrounded him.

"16... 15... 14... 13..."

Misato's voice pleaded with him over the comm to stop, but he ignored it completely, pushing further and further, deeper and deeper. The core glowed blue under the constant assault, then turned back to the normal red. As it did so, the pain grew more and more intense. Shinji could feel the tip of the knife in his own body, driving further and further into him. The point caught on a lung, poked deeper, then ripped completely through as Shinji twisted the Progressive Knife up, trying to cut completely through the core of the Angel. As he did so, his plug suit split open on an even seam across his chest, and blood spilled out freely into the LCL. The sight of his own blood floating there before him sickened Shinji, but he would not stop. He would see this through to the end, both of the Angel, and of himself.

"12... 11... 10... 9..."

Still crying out, he twisted the knife again, and the core began to glow under the extreme pressure. More and more he drove it in, cutting through whatever lay inside. In his own body, the knife caught on his bone, shredding through it easily, before moving closer and closer towards his heart. Finally, Shinji realized. If the blade in his body punctured his heart, then so too must it do so on the Angel. He pulled the knife slightly out of the Angel for a second, then thrust it back in with a full force born out of fury and desperation. Another great spout of blood shot from his chest into the cockpit, covering the controls. His hands were slick on the grips, the blood covered them so. The blade hovered inches above his heart, as he pushed harder and harder in.

"8... 7... 6... 5..."

Self preservation began to take effect in Shinji's mind. He hesitated in his assault, for a single second.

"4..."

Maya's voice reminded him just how little time there was left. With the full strength of his will, he renewed his attack on the Angel.

"3..."

The howl that Shinji let loose as his final push towards the center of the core took place shook the cockpit, much like the Angel he had last fought let out its own final cry. The knife pushed through the final centimeters of protective bone and muscle, and touched the very outer edge of his heart.

"2..."

Over the comm, Misato was still begging Shinji to stop, though he could not hear her. The Progressive Knife, know buried to the hilt in the Angel's core, twisted ever so slightly as Shinji tried to push it deeper. But it would go no further in.

"1..."

"Shinji-kun!" Misato screamed. Though the cry was meant to try and save him, it had the opposite effect. Startled by the intensity of the sound of her voice, Shinji abruptly shoved his hands, still slick with his own blood, hard against the controls. The core gave way with a loud crack, as the entire knife crashed through the outer shell, and deep into the interior. In that same instant, Shinji felt his heart explode in his chest, and with his last, ragged breath, he yelled out his call. The cockpit disappeared into darkness, and for Ikari Shinji, all was over.

It had been five days since the battle. It had taken two of those days for the massive crew of NERV construction personnel and technicians to dislodge the now inactive energy tendrils from the stomach of Unit 01, to bring the EVA itself back underground into storage, and to attempt to move the tremendous bulk of the Angel away from the city. Another two days had been used up as Ritsuko, Misato, and Fuyutsuki attempted to understand exactly what had happened during the battle, and how it was linked to the signs first noticed in the targeting test. The eventual conclusion was that Shinji, at some point in his life, had become contaminated by the blood of an Angel, and that he now shared a type of mental link to all those like him. How or when this had happened, they could not agree.

On the fifth day, Ikari Gendo returned prematurely from his travels away from Tokyo-3. The general conclusion that the commander reached was that, regardless of whatever happened next, Ikari Shinji would never pilot again.

The train moved swiftly through the rain, racing along the shimmering metal rails of the tracks. Night had fallen, and consequently few people were using the train at this point. The front car of the train was all but abandoned, with the exception of the driver in the front cab, and a single, young boy, dressed in school clothes, sitting on the left side of the car. Up in front of the train, the lights of a nearby station seemed to move closer and closer as the seconds passed. A slight shudder passed through the car as the automatic breaks kicked in, slowing the train down from its former high rate of movement. The series of cars slowly slid up to the station platform, and came to a stop.

"Thank you for using the Tokyo-3 loop line. This train will be going out of service at this station. Please, make sure to take all of your belongings as you leave the train."

Ear-buds in ears, lost in a world of music, the boy looked up from his lap, across the car to the open door to the station platform outside. Alone in the car, he spoke to the chilled air which whispered in through the open doors.

"I've got to go back." From his seat, Ikari Shinji rose slowly, and walked out the door onto the station platform. The rain still persisted, coming down lightly all around him. He stepped under the protective roof of the station building, and listened to the rain pattering against the metal above him. There was nothing quite like the rain, he thought to himself.

Another man stood, leaning up against a concrete pillar which held the roof up above the station. He was largely covered by a rain poncho, which obscured all but the shadow of his face. Shinji glanced at him as the man cleared his throat, and coughed into his hand. The man looked him over, and raised an eyebrow appraisingly as he stroked the small stubble of a beard. A glimmer of light from the fixture just above his head caught in his eyes, making them twinkle slightly.

"What's your name?" The man walked forward as he asked the question.

"Ikari Shinji." The boy answered simply, and quietly, resuming his stare at the ground.

"You're an Ikari, eh? Well, you must be the Commander's son, then."

"I sometimes wish I wasn't." Shinji was in no mood to talk, and he started to shuffle away from the man walking towards him.

"Ah, I see. You must be the Commander's son. I should introduce myself, as we can't have a proper conversation without knowing each other's names." At this, Shinji spun around, facing the man.

"We're not having a conversation, proper or otherwise."

"Well, Shinji-kun, I beg to differ. As I see that my comment has elicited a response from you, that would make me guess that indeed you are talking to me, rather then to the rest of the station, which would seem to me to be undeserving of talk." Shinji saw the his point at this, and resigned himself to speaking with the man.

"You can just call me Kaji, that should be fine." He pulled the rain poncho over a bit, letting the light of the station reveal his face.

"Well then, Kaji-kun..."

"Ah ah ah, Ikari! Never fall into pleasentries, they'll be the death of you. Keeping people at arm's length, that's all they help you with. I'm old now, so I have an excuse, but a young one like you should not succumb just yet. Best to stick with just Kaji for now." Shinji, mystified at this last statement from the man, continued his original thought.

"Well then, Kaji, what shall we talk about?"

"Considering your status, I thought that maybe I should be asking you." He paused, expecting a response from the boy. There was none. Sighing, he continued.

"Well, maybe I should start by asking why you are running away." Kaji raised an eyebrow at the boy's reaction. "Oh come on, it's written all over you. What's the matter now? Not happy with the role you are supposed to play in your father's little game?"

"I... um..." Shinji trailed off. Why was he talking to this stranger? What was the purpose of all this? "I just am not happy with it, that's all." He let out the words in a flurry, so that they all seemed to blend together.

"Rei-san doesn't seem to mind," Kaji stated. Shinji inhaled sharply at the mention of her name.

"How do you know about her?" He asked. Kaji simply laughed. Shinji regained his composure, and then tried to come up with an answer to Kaji's statement.

"Ayanami is... different, somehow. I don't know why, but she is. She seems so distant from everyone else that it's difficult to see what she really thinks." Against his better judgement, Shinji found himself unwilling to stop talking. Though he is just a stranger, Shinji thought to himself, he seems to know a lot about NERV. Perhaps too much.

"No doubt about it, Rei-san is a mystery to us all." Kaji stepped closer. "Come with me. I have something to show you." Despite his misgivings, Shinji nodded, and followed after the man.

The two figures walked through the bustling street, passing the teeming multitudes of people of Tokyo-3. No matter what year it was, or what the circumstances were, human beings always wanted a place to come to relax. Of all the places that the city offered for unwinding and forgetting your troubles, this one had to be the least restrained.

"Hey there! We're offering you a great bargain!"

"Hot young babes serving heavenly refreshment!"

"Special services to heal your tired body, services to fill you with energy!"

Kaji quietly steered Shinji away from the group of men standing before the line of houses of prostitution. He stroked the stubble of his beard, then spoke.

"You see, Shinji-kun, there is one constant throughout all the ages. People are always looking for pleasure, any way they can get it." As Kaji went on, Shinji took a glance back towards the line of buildings, covered in neon signs. In a dim back alley, he saw two forms writhing against each other, rolling about in the filth of the street, uncaring of the stares they received.

"Pleasure is the one thing which brings down everyone's walls. Pleasure, and fear."

"Why did you bring me here?" Shinji asked.

"To illustrate something to you. Look over there." Kaji pointed at a man in a black business suit and tie. A girl with blonde hair hung off his arm. "Do you see that man? During the day, he is one of the best supervisors in his office. All his co-workers say that he is the fastest, the most focused. He is busy climbing up the ladder of success. At home, he has a beautiful wife, and children. Among his fellows, he always seems above the moral vices of the office. He never engages in gossip or encourages rumors, and he scorns the perversion of others. Everyone who knows him admires him for his restraint. You can see it written all over him, all over his features. The perfect man, in every appearance. But in the late hours of night, look where he comes." The blonde girl suddenly grabbed the man by his tie, and pulled him into one of the numerous theaters showing pornography. As the pair disappeared, Kaji turned his head towards the boy at his side.

"We all build illusions, Shinji-kun. We all have false walls, separating our true self from everyone we interact with. In appearances, that man is ideal. But in reality, he is no greater than the people he criticizes. He only shows his true self here, where it doesn't matter. It also doesn't even matter that I made up that story, since other than me telling you, you would never know I lied since I can so easily hide the truth behind the gates of my heart."

"But why? What's the point of building a wall in the first place? Why would anyone chose to do it?"

"No one decides to. They just do it. Look at Rei-san. Like you said yourself, she is distant, removed. No one knows who she really is, because she has built a wall around herself. The best we can do is try and peep through. The walls people build are everywhere, around everyone. Even you, Shinji-kun. You don't show your true self to anyone. You keep him hidden away, locked in the prison of your own making, and instead, you parade around this image which is not you. Misato-chan has told me..."

"Misato-chan?" Shinji had caught Kaji's slip immediately. He stopped in his walking, and turned to confront Kaji full on. "I don't know who you are, but you work for NERV, don't you?"

"As I said, pleasantries will be the death of you. But, to fairly answer your question, I work for Commander Ikari himself." Kaji gave up the charade even before he had begun it, shrugging easily as he answered.

"You're going to report me in, aren't you?" There was a pause before Kaji answered him.

"No, I won't, Shinji-kun. I know enough about who you are, about what you are, to bring you in like a catcher for the Commander to reunite with his collection. In all logic, I should. But you have far too much value for that, and I have far too much respect for you. Go now, and I won't say a word." Shinji nodded, and started to run off. A few seconds later, he thought better of it, and turned to thank the man. But he had already disappeared into the mist of men and women which hung close about the street.

The bus rumbled as the engine within the cavernous hood of the beast struggled to generate enough power to force the oversized vehicle up the incline of the road. There were few on the bus at this early hour of the morning. People had better things to do in this time of conflict than visit the mountain. Had the bus today been filled with tourists, as it was during its prime so many years ago, the likelihood of it making its way all of the distance to the stop would have been extremely doubtful. But the tourists were long since gone, scared away from the cursed city of Tokyo-3.

Shinji shifted about in his seat, staring out the dirty window to the outside. The seat had once been nice, covered with a red fabric cushion that resembled the easy chairs old men retired to in the evening. Those cushions were long since gone, having been stained with sweat and patched in many places. The bus driver still remembered the day when he had taken all of the old cushions out, with more than a hint of sadness. The old was to be replaced by the new; it was the way of the world. It was just that the new was never as good, was never quite the same.

In place of the old cushions, plastic pads which just barely covered the underlying metal of the chair now received the weight of passengers as they sat down. The metal, which in Shinji's chair was noticeable the minute he sat down, prevented him from ever getting truly comfortable, no matter how much he shifted about. The bus sputtered, then came to a halt as the task of climbing the hill was finally completed. The door slid open. Shinji stood and stepped out of the bus. A small sign to his right proclaimed this to be the Hokono Mountain stop. He looked the sign over and started to walk down the path.

Everywhere around him, the signs of new growth were beginning to spring up. Tall grass blew in the breeze and sunflowers sprang up in patches throughout the wide fields. At the end of the road, an ancient temple building sat by itself, alone and abandoned by the men who so long ago had built it. How fleeting the human life is, Shinji thought. We spend our entire existence building up our world into the vision of our choosing, but we die before we ever see the end result. We trust that the next generation will care enough about what we did to preserve it. We hope for a legacy, but even this is only a fleeting spark from the burning bonfire of human life, soon to be extinguished. Glowing embers after the magnificent flames. That is all we ever truly leave for the world to remember us by.

The cool, crisp wind blew through Shinji's hair, tossing it gently about. The boy stood at the edge of a cliff, high on the mountain. Mist covered the silent rocks and trees on the slope, bathing the area where he stood in an unearthly calm. The air seemed to play out tunes to Shinji's ears as it whistled by, humming out notes of some haunting, sad song from far away. Alone. He was always alone, no matter how many others surrounded him, or how few. On this mountain, he was as alone as he was when he remained at NERV. He was as alone as when he had sat in the cockpit, and felt himself die.

"I love it up here." The voice caught Shinji completely off guard. He turned around, to see from what source it came. Another boy stood just behind him, his form wrapped up in a black jacket, gray hair blowing in the wind. His eyes regarded Shinji with curiosity, as he continued to speak.

"Up here, you don't have to worry about anyone else. It's so peaceful, so serene. It lets you be alone." He stepped closer to Shinji. "Do you come here often?"

Although the place seemed somehow intensely familiar, Shinji could not remember having ever been at this spot, or this mountain, before.

"No, this is my first time here," he answered. The boy stepped up alongside Shinji, and together they looked out into the mist.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nagisa Kaworu." The name too sounded somehow familiar to Shinji, but he was not able to grasp hold of it. Like a forgotten memory, in a past unwanted. Off in the distance, away in the mist, a flash of light appeared, peaked, then dimmed away into nothingness. A moment later, the sound of a rolling clap of thunder rang out and greeted the ears of the boys.

The wind picked up, blowing against the two forms in a cold gust. The rain of the night before was returning. Drops of moisture began to splash among the stones and pebbles, on the scrub vegetation clinging to the mountainside.

"There are a great number of men just below us on the path. You should know they are looking for you." Kaworu told Shinji simply. He looked down at the dust at his feet, slowly being transformed to clay as the water first touched, then wetted, and finally sunk into the thirsty ground.

"The cold rain falls on a cold mountain, and yet we do nothing to stop it. We cannot. God continues to outsmart us all." The words hit Shinji hard as the boy at his side spoke them clearly to the empty air, to the fleeting wind. He turned to look at Kaworu, his eyes full of questions. The boy turned his head towards Shinji, and smiled.

"It's just a saying. There is no meaning, beyond what you yourself place upon it. That's all."

In still silence, the two figures stood, looking out into the mists. The cold tears of the clouds began to fall in earnest now, striking both where they stood upon the edge of the precipice. After a long pause, Kaworu spoke again.

"There's a storm on the way. I had best be going." He turned, and started to walk away from the cliff, before suddenly turning back around.

"It was nice meeting you, Ikari Shinji-kun." Before the young pilot could offer a response, the other figure was gone. Having already started down the path, he had disappeared from view. How had he known Shinji's name? The rain laced against the mountain, tossing itself upon the rocky surface as if in a battle with the eternal giant of earth. Nature clashing against nature. Or perhaps trying to join with it. In his mind, he mulled over the words of the boy who had just left him. God continues to outsmart us all. So should He always.

With a final look out into cold air before him, Shinji started back down the mountain, towards the men he knew waited to bring him back to Father. Submission. Yes, that's was it was. That's what he always did. Running, running, only to go straight back to where he came from. Wherever He was, on Earth or in Heaven, God was no doubt laughing at him. The mist closed around him as he continued back towards the path, and the rain fell on the mountain, unhindered by any hand. Alone. Always alone.

"The Express Linear Train, bound for Atsugi is arriving on Track 2. For your safety, please step back to the area inside the yellow lines."

The train moved swiftly towards the platform, racing along the shimmering metal rail of track. The red and white head car moved closer and closer, nearing the waiting figure standing in the station. An entire train for a single boy. To Shinji, it seemed to be a terrible waste, another absurd joke. This one, he thought, came close to the top, but still it came nowhere near the crowning moment of stupidity: expecting him to pilot. What an idea. The very notion, as it came to him now, made him laugh bitterly. It was the crucible of their idiocy.

"The train arriving on Track 2 is for special government use only and departs at 4:20 for Atsugi. No civilians are allowed inside the fence. Please be aware that the boarding of this train by unauthorized persons is strictly prohibited."

They had brought him back, off the high peak of the mountain, to the deep underground bowels of NERV. From Heaven to Hell in a single afternoon. What were the chances of that? What indeed. And then, after having recovered their prize, they simply tossed him away, told him to leave. It was Misato. She had wanted him to come back. But what was the use, in the end? What was the purpose? She told him what had happened, back in the cockpit. She told him why he couldn't pilot again, why he had to go. And she cried. She cried as he as left, left her standing alone in the storage room, the empty caverns of metal echoing with false promises and shattered hopes. As he walked away, he had heard her sounds of grief, but he did not understand the reason. He could not yet see it. What had it done for her to bring him back? What had it done for him?

No one had turned up at the station to see him off. It did not truly surprise Shinji, as the very thought of someone else caring about his departure struck him as a foreign idea. Yes, it was true. No one cared. Everything had been packed for him. Everything had been prepared. It was almost as though they had planned on sending him off all along, ever since he had first arrived. With a hydraulic hiss, the train came to a stop before him, and the doors slid open.

A blast of cool air came forth from the empty car, making contact with Shinji's exposed skin before melting away into the heat of the post-noon sun. In that instant, as he stood on the threshold of destiny, a realization came to Ikari Shinji. He had a choice. No matter how much it seemed that everything in this world was beyond his control, now, in this moment of time, he had a choice. He could board the train, give up, and go home. NERV would be the past, a past which, like so many other memories, would be easily forgotten. Or, against the will of all others, and against himself, he could stay, and try again. It would not be easy, this was true. They had said they would not let him pilot again. But to leave all of this, to leave Misato, it was almost too much to take. Hate it he did, but as he prepared to leave, he found a strange pull back towards the world which had rejected him. But why? Conflict of thoughts, of interests, of desires bombarded his brain. He could not make up his mind. Then, the moment of indecision passed. He had made up his mind.

The doors closed, and the train slowly picked up its pace, leaving the station platform, and Tokyo-3 behind. Slowly, the sound of the train grew fainter and fainter as it whizzed away, down the tracks. With a sigh, Shinji looked about. He hoped that he had made the right choice.

The seats on the train were somewhat more comfortable than those on the bus. This he noticed as soon as he sat down. The world whizzed past, city streets quickly dissolving into country fields, telephone poles into tall trees. The choice to leave had not been easy. Though he made it to avoid the pain he knew lay in staying, a new sensation came over him, one of profound, incredible loss. That city, the one he left behind. It was doomed to fall now. There was no other who can save it. But who was he to think he could? He looked down, the voices of those now gone echoing in his ears. It had all been a waste. A terrible waste.

"The year's at the spring,

And day's at the morn;

Morning's at seven;

The hill-side's dew-pearled;

The lark's on the wing;

The snail's on the thorn;

God's in his Heaven-

All's right with the world!"

The voice came from the right side of Shinji, as it was spoken in soft yet distinct words. With a slight confusion, he shook his head. There was no one else on the train. It was his own space, his own prison. The voice was all in his mind, like all the others. Still, this one had been different. It had sounded... real. Cursing himself silently even as he did so, Shinji turned his head towards the source of the voice.

His eyes were met by those of another, unmoving, unblinking. As he gazed into them, he felt as though he had stepped into a dream. Those eyes, after all, only existed to him in that world. His pulse quickened ever so slightly, and he could not help gasping involuntarily. The crimson eyes regarded him with curiosity, studying his reaction.

"Ayanami! What are you doing here?"

"I was sent by Dr. Akagi," the girl said quietly.

"Why? They sent me away."

"Commander Ikari does not want you anymore. Dr. Akagi does."

"So you are here to bring me back."

"Yes, Ikari-kun."

For a long moment, Shinji considered the message. If Ritsuko wanted him, then it had to mean that something had happened, something in regard to the last fight. It was the chance to return. But still, there was an unknown feeling within which held him back.

"No. I will not."

"Why are you running away, Ikari-kun?"

"Because I have no purpose at NERV."

"You did not answer my question. Why are you running away? Do you have no faith in your father's work?"

"No! How could I? How could anyone?" The girl suddenly stood up from her seat, and walked over to Shinji. His head snapped to one side as she slapped him across the face. As he rubbed his burning cheek, the boy looked up at the blue haired pilot. Her hand was still raised, her palm open, as though to strike again if necessary. Her face was completely blank, without expression whatsoever.

"Ikari-kun, you must have faith. If you do not, then there is no point to any of this." She lowered her hand, walked back to the opposite side of the car, and sat down.

"They still need you at NERV, although they do not yet realize it. They wanted to let you go. But there was something I saw that I told Dr. Akagi of. She called it a dream. And after I told her, she ordered me to find you. You cannot leave yet, Ikari-kun. There is still much for you to do."

Shinji sat there in his seat, a mix of emotions flooding through him. If indeed they did need him, then for what reason?

"What am I needed for?"

"To pilot." Ayanami said simply.

"They know what happened. I am linked to the Angels. I cannot fight them."

"But you are also linked to me." Shinji's eyes widened at this last statement from the girl. As she continued on, his mind began to work furiously, trying to understand what she said.

"In my dream, I see myself inside my Evangelion. I am attacked by an Angel, which infiltrates my EVA's systems. Unit 01 then tries to come to my aid, and you, Ikari-kun, are the pilot. I see you coming, and then I destroy my Evangelion. I have this dream now every night, and Dr. Akagi says that you do as well. We are connected, Ikari-kun. We are one."

The two children sat in silence as the train raced along, on towards Atsugi. The car swayed slightly as the train passed around a long, banking turn, then straightened into balance once more. The world outside was little more than a blur. Finally, Shinji spoke.

"If we are linked, then what does this mean?"

"I do not know. I do not think that Dr. Akagi knows either. This is why she wants me to bring you back."

"But how can I pilot again?"

"Ikari-kun, you must have faith. You must have faith in your father's work. You must have faith in Captain Katsuragi and Dr. Akagi. You must have faith in your own self, Ikari-kun. If you believe that you can pilot, then you will be able to pilot. It is no more simple, and no more complex, than that."

"I still do not understand, Ayanami." Her blank face seemed for a moment to soften, as her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners.

"It is a bond, Ikari-kun. It is a bond to the world. It is a bond to the EVA. You have piloted, so you have formed this bond. There is no other who can pilot as you can, and there shall be no other who will. The bond, you see, is there. It is our link. It cannot be broken." She rose from her seat, and stepped close to Shinji. With one outstretched hand, she touched his heart, and with the other, her own.

"Everyone is linked in the world. Everyone is interconnected. Your link to the Evangelion is special. The whole world depends on it." She removed her hand and sat back down.

"You must have faith in the bond in order for it to work. It is a hollow link any other way. If you cannot believe in it, then all is empty and lost. But if you can, all can be right in the world. Do you understand now, Ikari-kun?"

And somehow, despite the cryptic message, despite his own lack of trust, of hope, of faith, somehow, in his own unhappy soul, Ikari Shinji did.

EPISODE TWO END

LEAVE IT TO LAIN-CHAN!

Kon-ni-chi-wa!

Wow, you actually came back! Amazing! Well, I guess I must be doing something right with this story.

O.K., I want to start out by giving a great big glomp (and a `thank you!') to my two early reviewers. Wow, it's great to finally get some real feedback on this work. Also, I've done my best to take into account your comments. I broke up the paragraphs as best I could on Episode Two (and if you look back at Episode One, you'll see I did the same for it as well), and as far as adding discription... well... I think this episode might have a bit more of that. If not, leave me another review saying exactly what kind of discription you want, and I'll try to write it into the next episode. Thanks for the great feedback!

Wasn't Episode Two a lot better (and a lot longer)? I thought so too, after I finished it up. Back about nine months ago, when I wrote this episode up, it had been about a month month since I had finished Episode One. I was high off the praise of my first entry in the Cold Rain saga (granted, it was from my mom, but hey, who cares?), and I wanted to set my plans into motion. Little did I know just how hard it would be to do that.

The battle scene was really tough to write up. I wanted to keep it true to the show up until the moment Shinj-kun attacks the Angel with the Progressive Knife, so that meant watching the battle scene again. And again. And again. I wrote down every single line of dialog (as according to the ADV subtitle script), and then painstackingly wrote them all into the fic. All this for the attempt at `realism.' He he he... I really am pathetic.

Otherwise, though, I tried to put my own spin on what little Shin-chan was thinking during the battle. One of my favorite little bits during the battle was the line about the mounain `catching him.' Since I've created this fic with the concept that the mountains are a key to the overall mystery, working in lines like this really help to reinforce the idea with you, the readers. Perhaps you've noticed my little writing tricks like this, and taken note of them. It would be kind of interesting if anyone who reviewed the story to see how many of little tricks I have employed you were able to catch (hint hint... help stroke the author's ego!).

Anyway, enough of that. The real meat of this episode lies in the dialog and the characters (but you knew that already, right? You're the smart readers, since you've graduated up to NC-17 fics). Shinji-kun asks a lot of questions in this chapter, and no one really has any answers for him. I think that all people as they grow up have to go through this (heck, I sure as hell am!), and I wanted to try and capture that vulnerability and innocense that he has. He ends up asking (in his own way) every character he comes into contact with in this episode, only to never get an answer which can help him. In the end, it's up to sweet, emotionally damaged Rei-chan to answer his question from the beginning, and the answer is so vague that you have to wonder just what Shinji-kun got out of it. Even though it is vague, though, I tried to work a lot of feeling and truth into it. I think it offers just as good a view on Rei's characters as it does on Shinji-kun.

Now, to answer some of the obvious questions you must have for me. First off, what the hell was I thinking bringing cute little Kaji-kun and Kaworu-kun in so soon? Well, to tell the truth... I don't know! I guess I just wanted to write some Kaji dialog, and to have him give his perspective on Shin-chan's problems. Actually, I think that their conversation is one of the more interesting parts of this episode. For fans of Kaji-kun, be rest assured there will be much, much more of him in later chapters, as I am planning to try out some interesting dynamics with him, Misato, Ritsuko, and Hyuga (doesn't anyone call him by his first name? It seems almost a crime to just keep adressing him like he's just some disposable bridge officer. Although... he kind of is... ah well).

As far as Kaworu-kun goes... actually, I hadn't watched far enough into the series to see him appear yet when I wrote his scene (long, long story as to why I didn't see those last few episodes for a while). I just had to go based on what I could find in other fanfics, and on my own guesses based on his character. I hope he turned out all right.

And, before all the Kaworu fans rush over to kill me for treating their beloved bishie so lightly... know that I find him just as yummy as you all do.

That really sounded wrong, didn't it?

I would love to go more into details about what all the plot twists meant, but that would kind of ruin future surprises for you all. Thus, I shall leave it be as is.

For the episode name translations, look no further! Here they are!

Funare no Shitsumon: Unanswerable Question

Ijo na Chi: Abnormal Blood

The first title should be pretty explanitory, but what about the second? Actually, as the true EVA otaku will no doubt spot, it's a play on the track for the CD OST 3 Normal Blood (track three, I believe, and also one of my favorites from that CD). Just thought you might find that interesting. Also, the poem Rei-chan says on the train is Pippa Passes by Robert Browning.

O.K., I guess that's it for now. It might be a while before the next episode is ready (I have about three-quarters of it finished), but hopefully it won't be too long. Unfortunately, I am very busy with my other projects (television anime scripts... yay...), so I can't give any guaranties. Of course, if I get some reviews... and they're good... hint hint hint.

Hope this entry of `Leave it to Lain-chan' wasn't too boring! And what do future episodes hold? I tremble in terror at the thought!

NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW:

Suffering in the silence. Pain of the past. This is Ayanami Rei. What secret lies in the depths of her soul? What dreams haunt her waking hours? Find out in the next episode, Shizuka na Kurushimi! And, what's more, I can promise you some actual service this time! Well, maybe not as much as the rating warrants, but still... come on folks... I'm grasping at straws here... um... hello?