Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Evangelion Battle Planet ❯ Bout 2! Ash and Pikachu Vs. Shinji and Eva 01 ( Chapter 2 )

Diros here people!!! Yes it's finally here! Evangelion Battle Planet. (Eva Battle Planet fer short) BOUT 2! Since I despise
Poke'mon with a hatred that is unmatched on ANY level, I decided that I'll pit Ash and his f__king Pikachu against Shinji and his Eva.
Now this is Eva Battle Planet. OOC is all up in your FACE! That and I stole a line from "Austin Powers: The spy Who Shagged Me."
Now I do not own any characters depicted herin (Save Diros) And proper credit is given where credit is due. So tell your lawyers to QUIT coming by my house! The neighbors might start to think things.... Anyway. ON WITH THE SHOW!!!




Faster than a turtle with it's legs broken...
More powerful than a newborn baby...
Able to leap small objects in a single bound...
You f__king know who's comin baby.
Who's your daddy?

IT'S EVA. BATTLE. PLAAAAAAAAAAANEEEEEEEEEEET!

Brought to you by ...Well, we still dont have a sponser yet...yeah...we suck..


Todays Matchup

Shinji Ikari vs. Pikachu and Ash

Your hosts today are Vejita from Dragon Ball Z, and Wu Fei from Gundam Wing!
Today's Gong Ringer will be Lara Croft.


Vejita: Well, it's time to start another matchup between two weaklings. My power level is superior to theirs. I should be fighting! Not them! ARGH!
Why am I in this stupid place anyway! I wanna fight too!

Wu Fei: Ahhh shaddap. You'll get your turn. Lets just introduce todays fighters. And describe the ring for our readers, baka.

Vejita: Baka?! Why you insolent whelp! I am the Prince of All Sayains!!

Wu Fei: It's pronounced Saiya-Jin, you dumbass.

Vejita: Anyway, our ring is much like the one from Dragon Ball Z, only it's a gigantic Dome Arena the length of a football field!

Wu Fei: Yup. Gotta have A/C

Both: Ooooh yeah!

Vejita: Now, our fighters have now entered the arena. The first to enter, is Shinji Ikari, piloting his purple Evangelion Unit-01! Wow, what an amazing power level! (Suddenly notices it's plugged into a giant wall socket) Errr...ummm...o...k...

Wu Fei: And our second contestant, Ash Ketchum, from Pallet town with his Pikachu!

Vejita: Sound the Gong!

(Lara Croft walks up to the gong without a mallet, and the gong starts to gong itself as it stares at her chest. The crowd, even some of the women,
start staring at her chest)

Gong: GONG!! GONG!!! GONG!!! GONGGONGONGONGONG!! (The gong stops, spent)

Wu Fei: Idiot woman!! You broke the Gong!

(Lara is suddenly trapped inside a bad video game)

Ash: Alright, I'm gonna capture this giant poke'mon and become the poke'mon champion!!

Shinji, from inside the plug: Your kidding me. Your making me fight this thing?!?!?!

Ash: Hey! Dont doubt the power of my Pikachu! With my help, and his own ablilities, we'll beat you!
( Ash's friends cheer him on from the sidelines)

Evangelion Unit 01: Your kidding. (As it flicks Pikachu like a booger.)

(Pikachu makes a rather sickening splat against the floor....twenty miles away.

Ash: Poke'ball, GO!

(The ball clanks uselessly off of Unit-01's armor. Unit-01 becomes annoyed)

Eva 01: Damn gnats. (Picks Ash up by his shirt collar, and sniffs him.) Mmmm, smells good!

(The crowd, Vejita and Wu Fei burst out laughing as the Eva pops Ash into it's mouth like a chicken nugget. Faint crunching can be heard over the roaring laughter. The Eva looks around the crowd, and one single solitary idea pops into it's head: "Buffet!!")

Eva 01: FOOD! (Forms it's AT field into a fork, as Shinji's plug ejects into the horizon. Where Shinji is headed...God only knows.)

(Back at NERV)

Maya: Sempai! Sempai! Look at this! There's something on the radar.

Ritsuko:(Rushes over) My god...it looks like a giant-

(Gendo's Lair)

Gendo: PENIS!!!

(Fuyutsuki stops moving, apparently urked that his friend and co-worker would shout something like that during a DDR game. Of course, he lost.)

Fuyutsuki: Why in the hell did you say that??

Gendo:(Shrugs) I dunno..AND I FINALLY WIN!!

Fuyutsuki:(Sighs) Gendo, sometimes you can be such a-

(Tokyo-3 Mall. "Everything we tell you you want. And More!")

Asuka outside the mall: PRICK! (Bashes the man who took a grab at her buttocks to the floor) Baka hentai! (Notices a shadow, then looks up) Ne, Hikari, what is that??

Hikari: Wow, that looks just like Touji's when we-

Shinji: F_________________CK! (Crashed into a porno shop right out of town. ) Ugh...(blacks out)

Rei: (Who just HAPPENED to be there.) Ikari-kun...


(Back at the Arena)

Vejita: O_O;

Wu Fei: Umm....the author stole that right out of "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me."

(The Evangelion, is still eating the crowd)

Eva 01: Mwa ha ha!!!

(Vejita and Wu Fei sweatdrop. Vejita then ki blasts it's power cable. It still keeps eating people.)

Wu Fei: You know, that things gonna keep eating for five more minutes....

Vejita: The crowd can manage. Wanna get a soda?

Crowd: WTF?!

Wu Fei: Sure.

Eva 01: (Looks to the crowd) You guys are so boned....

Vej/Wu Fei: Ja ne!

(The announcers then head for their respective parking spaces, and drive off to Sonics)

Vejita: WHAT?! $3.99?! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! (Ka-f__king-boom)


The winner of this bout: Shinji Ikari








Post Fight Rants, Raves, and Comments.


Shinji:(Currently busy with Rei, watching porno movies, and trying out positions they see.)

Rei:(See above)

Misato: I STILL wasent even in the fic!

Diros: Calm down, calm down! The fans never mentioned you! Maybe if someone asks...Misato..please put the gun down..

Misato: (Wasent looking very happy) I'd BETTER be in the next one!!

Diros: Lets do it this way!! READERS! We're taking a vote! In the review you place, place your vote for the next person to fight in the NEXT Eva Battle Planet, or send your vote to smitethenewbie@hotmail.com.

Asuka: ME!! PICK ME!! PICK ME OR DIE!!

Misato: I have a gun. Pick me, and I wont show you how it works...

Rei:(Still busy.)

Shinji:(No comment. Busy)

Maya: Umm....(blushes)

Ritsuko:(Holding a Scalple) I....WILL...hurt....you...

Eva 01: (Too stoned to comment)

Eva 02: Dude, where's my car?

Eva 00: Where's your car dude?

Old lady watching the giant behemoths: F__kin stoners...

Gay Angel Boy Kaoru: Is N'Sync gonna be there?!

Kaji: Yes, I am the Mac Daddy of all time!

Fuyutsuki: I dont care. It's all childish if you ask me.

Gendo:(Wearing a female get-up, trying hard to Soprano) Pick me! I'll be sure to fight extremely well.

Everyone: O_O;

Diros: Well, you heard it. The enemy is pre-determined, but the fighter is YOURS to choose.

Everyone, except Shinji and Rei: Ja ne!!!










Special thanks to....
Jeromie-kun
SailorPoncho
Mako-chan
Falcon43212
< br> (Yeah. Their the only ones who proof-read it. -_-)

Tune in next time!!

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