Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Evangelion Battle Planet ❯ Bout 3! Misato Katsuragi vs. Gendo Ikari!! Half-time Show! The Leimone Super Mud Battle Supreme! ( Chapter 3 )

(Yo! Diros here. And we're back with yet ANOTHER episode of Eva Battle Planet. One of my fans asked to be an announcer, and since I'm such a nice guy, I think I'll let it be. I didn't get much feedback on my last one, so I just came up with it myself. I hope you enjoy this one. Gendo bashers will have a field day. :-D BE WARNED. The Leimone (That's LEMON) Halftime Show gets a little.....erm..DUH. Once more, I don't own Evangelion. I never have, I never will. But I can dream cant I?! Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. )









(A Formal announcer, wearing a tuxedo. He stands outside of the church door. Other cameras can be seen taping the event)

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, the show that you have all waited to see is finally here! Much controversy has been made over this issue, and after three years of arguing, peace talks, and one major war, it has finally been resolved! We are proud to bring you, 'Evangelion The Special: The Marriage of Shinji and - " (Static)



EVA BATTLE PLANET!!!!!


Brought to you in part by..NOONE! Why? Because we're nobodies bitch.



Today's Match

Misato vs. Gendo

Your announcers: Obsidian Dragon (O.D. for short) and Diros

The Gong Ringer: Usagi Tsukino of Sailor Moon.

Special Event 2: The Ressurection, and Final Execution of Gendo Ikari

Special Event 1: The Leimone Halftime show. Super Mud Battle Supreme!

(*Authors Note: I'm gonna go to hell...)




(In the Announcers booth, O.D. is going absolutely nuts due to the fact that he made it on the show)

O.D: OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD!! I'M FINALLY HERE!!

Diros: This is the LAST time I do announcer work....

O.D: Oh man! I cant believe I'm actually here!! (Clears his throat) We have a special for you viewers today.

Diros: That's right, Gendo bashers, we have a treat for you! Today, it's Major Misato Katsuragi, Vs. Gendo Ikari. Now I'm sure that most of you are cheering, but we cant be total bashers. So here's the deal, O.D, care to explain?

O.D: Right! Each of our combatants are given his or her choice of weaponry out of the weapons selection that we have. That way it'd be fair. (Whispers) But our little Gendo is in for a surprise...

(In the Armory, it's Gendo's turn to select a weapon)

Gendo: Are you positive that we're only using plush dolls in this fight? It seems rather odd...

Armory Surfer Dude Guard: I'm like, totally one hundred percent there dude. The censors like, don't like violence and stuff, so like, we have to use soft toys for sure!

Gendo: Well, if that is the case...(picks up a semi-large blue plush teddy bear) I will select this as my weapon. (Heads toward the arena)

Armory Surfer Dude Guard: (Snickers) Your one dead dude, dude.

(Back to the announcers booth)

Diros: We switched a little information around...hehe. Misato has entered the field. Lets check out her weapon set.

(On the field)

Misato: It's about DAMNED time I managed to my turn here. (Grins evilly) And it's a good turn....a REALLY good turn...

(In the announcers booth, almost flooded with drool..)

O.D: Yes...she does indeed have a nice set...killer....she could kill with those...

Diros: (Frowns) Fine, I get to do it.

O.D: NO! I wanna do it with- oh wait....weapons? Yeah, you do it. (Goes back to staring at Misato)

Diros: Very well then. (A small view screen pops up next to him, displaying Misato's full figure)

O.D: Sooooo...peeeerrrrfffeeeect...

Diros: Ecchi...anyway. Misato is using the gear from "Project: A-ko's" B-ko. However, we removed the missile system. Instead, we gave the suit an ample strength boost.

O.D: (Falls over laughing) Oh GOD! Gendo has just entered the field!! (He staggers back to his chair) Lets check out his...(Snicker) weaponry. (A view screen pops up next to him, displaying Gendo Ikari, in a purple tutu) BWA HA HA HA HA! I cant believe this!! Gendo Ikari, is wearing a purple tutu, and is armed with a semi-large blue plush teddy bear! Of course, we let him have his glasses. but...(snicker) but....(Bursts out laughing again)

(On the field)

Gendo: (Looks behind him to see the door he entered through close.) This is bad....

Misato: Today will be a good day, a good day indeed.

Gendo: Why is she smiling that way??

(Back in the booth)

Diros: SOUND THE GONG!!

(Usagi comes out, dragging the mallet behind her, but she trips, and smashes her face against the gong, sounding it)

Misato: (Boosts forward) I'm gonna kill you with my bare hands!!

Gendo: Eep...(Is now being assailed by a flurry of punches to the face.)

(In the Booth)

Diros: I'd say thats DBZ style..

O.D: Yup...DBZ style.

Misato:(Finishes with a massive uppercut, sending Gendo hurtling into the air, his glasses falling off.)

Gendo: Thats not fair! She has a super suit!!

Misato: Lemme show you how it works Cheif! (Jumps high into the air, snagging Gendo's leg, she then uses the thrusters to propel herself back down, using inertia and her super strength to give gendo a hearty dose of concrete poisoning)

Gendo: (Muffled) Cant we just talk about this? (His flipped onto his back)

Misato: They way you've hurt Shinji is UNFORGIVABLE! I'm going to make sure you dont make any more offspring TO hurt! (Raises a super powered foot into the air)


Diros: NO!! (Turns away)

O.D: OH MY GOD NO!! (Turns away)

Every single male in the crowd: NOOOO! (Turns away.)

(Every male within a two mile vicinity shudders and/or cringes, as Misato brings her foot to meet Gendo's testicles at speeds exceeding 100 mph)

Diros: I wanna go home.....

O.D: Oh god....even I felt that.....

Gendo:(Squeaks) Mommy...

Misato: (Lifts her foot, and football kicks him a few meters away) Hmph. Asshole. AND KAJI!! IF I EVER find you, YOUR next!!


(The International Man of Pimpestry sits up from his hotel bed)

Ritsuko:(Sleepily) Whats the matter?

Kaji: I think my balls just sneezed...

Ritsuko: After what you did, I woudnt be surprised..go back to sleep...

Kaji: Right...


(Back at the Dome)

Misato: (Walking towards the locker room, passing a red faced Asuka and Rei.) The hell!?

(The Arena has a wrestling ring placed in the center...filled with fresh mud.)

Diros: Well, here's the part you've all been waiting for.

O.D: YES!! YES!! YES!!

Diros: The Leimone Half Time Show! Super Mud Battle Supreme!

(Both parties have entered the Ring, and are now standing at opposite ends, they both have weird smiles on their faces, as well as skimpy thong bikini's on their bodies. Asuka's red, Rei's a light blue.)

Diros: I betcha your wondering how we accomplished that feat, getting Rei to smile. As well as getting them both to do this. Well it's simple, what a five pound bag of sugar and thirty packs of "Spanish Fly" dumped into the mix will do.

O.D: Now your probably wondering how we go them to eat it. Well, we just TOLD Rei to do it, Asuka..we had to dare her to do it. You know, push her buttons.

Diros: (Looks around) Where's the ref??

O.D: He's not here??

(In the male locker room, the Ref bound and gagged, his clothes, save his underwear missing, a figure running too the arena door wearing a motorcycle helmet can be seen)

Masked Man in Ref outfit: No way in HELL am I missing out n a chance like this!

(Booth)

O.D: There he is. And I wanted to be the Sub Ref...

Diros: Fat chance dude. But anyways, SOUND THE GONG!

(A Fan, annoyed with the fact that the Sailor Senshi never die, slings Usagi into the Gong, ringing it)

(Rei and Asuka pouce each other, rolling around in the mud, blushing, and giggling)

Asuka: I'm gonna win wondergirl!

Rei: No! I'm gonna win!! (Proceeds to tickle Asuka, causing her to arch her back and laugh. Sending little specs of mud everywhere with the strands of her hair. The Ref, inches away, watches closely)

Ref: God [Anno] Thank you for this sweet sweet gift!! (Mounted to his helmet, is a small video camera)

Diros: (Stares Happily)

O.D: (Stares happily)

Every Male [And some females] in the crowd: (Stare Happily)

(Asuka retaliates, trying to tickle Rei back, but only manages to reach a hot spot near her back, causing her to arch her back and moan slightly)

Asuka: You like that, dont you you little hentai..(Gently rubs the same spot)

Rei: (Continues to moan softly, but due to the camera's mic, it's brodcasted for the WORLD to see.)

Everyone watching: O_O

Rei: (Reaches around to tickle Asuka, reaching a similar spot, Asuka throws her head back in a soft moan, but collides with the Ref, knocking his helmet off)

Asuka: Ow! (Giggles) Watch where your going you.....O_O

Rei: O_O

Just about everyone else: O_O

(The Ref seemed to have chosen this time to get to the announcers booth)

Ref: THAT A__HOLE TOOK MY SUIT!!!

(Everyone looks to the now unmasked...Kensuke the Ref)

Kensuke: Shimatta.....

(The thought of this hentai ogling them up close while they wore skimpy outfits was enough to sober both female pilots out of their semi-drunken sugar rush. In flash, their both on their feet, and in their plug suits, and are inexplicably clean. BOTH are angry to extreme points.)

Rei/Asuka: Hentai...

Kensuke: Girls...I'm sure we can talk....(Points behind them) LOOK! IT'S SHINJI NAKED DOING THE CAN-CAN!

Both Girls: (Both turn) Shin-chan!? (Hear retreating footsteps) COME BACK HERE!! (They give chase, out of the arena)

Gendo: (Locked in a cage deep within the bowels of the earth) Whats going on?? (Stares at all the Remote Bombs rigged around the cage)

Diros: (Eyes wide open. Mouth dropped to the floor. He's so stunned, he absentmindedly presses the red button. The arena shudders EVER so slightly)

O.D: (Same ad Diros. Voice monotone.) And Gendo is dead..

Crowd: (Ditto) Yay..

Diros: (Shakes it off) Well, that ends ANOTHER episode of Eva Battle Planet...JE-ZUS that was fun! Now if you you'll excuse me, I need to be alone..(Exits)

O.D: Me too...(exits through another door)

(The crowd leaves as well)

(In the middle of the desert in the Middle of Nowhere)

Asuka: PREPARE TO DIE ECCHI!

Rei: Do not stop Aida-kun. We will both cause you irreperable harm to your testicles.

Kensuke: Ha ha! I'll never stop!

Asuka: Considering his body type, weight, and strength, I give him twenty more minutes..

Rei: Agreed.

Kensuke: It was all worth it!!!

(Gendo's Lair)

(Shinji and Touji stare at the TV, which has the tape of the mudfight recorded)

Shinji: Sugoi..

Touji: Kensuke, we knew ye well.

Shinji/Touji: Ja ne!



Winner of the Real Bout: Misato Katsuragi

Winner of the Super Mud fight Supreme: Draw.



Post fight Rants Raves and Other Assorted Comments


Rei: I did not like this one..

Asuka: COME DOWN HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!!

Diors: NO!!

O.D: Well, it's been fun dude! Have to do it again! Later!! (Leaves)

Misato: (Jumping up and down) I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!

Touji: (Moving his head up and down) You won! You won! You won!

Diros: (Looks to the camera) WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE SELECT THE NEXT FIGHTER OF THE NEXT FIC!! JESUS!

(Asuka has gotten a ladder)

Asuka: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe. (Mad with glee)

Diros: Aww crap..this is the LAST time I insert myself.

Asuka: Thats right, you gotta pay for that too. (Yanks him off the ceiling, then throws him to the floor, pouncing him in a VERY un-sexual like manner)

Shinji: Well, since the author is currently busy getting the crap beaten out of him, I would like to fomerly request that you all select the next fighter in the next Eva Battle Planet. And maybe if you have a good idea, you can host as well. (Bows) We hope you enjoyed the show, and now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

(Static)

Formal Announcer: (Rubbing tears from his eyes) That was the most touching, romantic wedding ever.. Well, we hope you enjoyed the show. And I doubt that we'll EVER get to show it again..it was a once and a lifetime chance! We hope you enjoyed Evangelion The Special: The Marriage of Shinji and -

(Static)

Shinji: I forgot to mention! You can buy copies of these tapes at 1-888-

(Static)

Formal Announcer: Goodnight, and goodbye.

(Nothing But Static)


*Authors indecent babble*

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that fic. Get ready, cause soon, the Eva Battle Planet Tournament is coming your way soon! And as for The Evangelion Special: The Marriage of Shinji and ________ is a surprise fic that I'm going to work on. ;-)