If I Am Normal, Are You Weird?

Chapter 1

Birth

After school cleaning duties were a part of Japanese education that Evangelion Unit 02's pilot, Asuka Langley Soryu, loathed. It was bad enough that she'd already been graduated with honors from Yale University's German campus only to spend time in a Japanese middle school learning remedial kanji, of all things. But to be reduced to the teacher's maid, that was the real insult!

And to make matters worse, no one seemed to mind. Didn't they all realize that their civil liberties were being violated and they were being demeaned by this? Of course not! Hell, some of them were even enjoying this! Of course it was to be expected that Shinji the Housewife was having fun at his chore (helping Rei Ayanami wash the blackboard), but she'd expected that chauvinistic pig Touji Suzuhara to be protesting as violently as he could about mopping the floor. Yet he cheerfully darted around with the mop, pretending that the handle was a microphone. Asuka winced as he began to sing some old mid-twentieth century song in an obnoxious voice

As she looked at the happy faces of her fellow classmates going about their cleaning duties, she suddenly felt violently sick. If this were Germany, they'd be rioting in the streets! But they're so happy that it makes me nauseous! What is it with these Japanese?

At the front of the class, Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, engaged in what passed for his favorite hobby--staring at his fellow Eva pilot, Rei Ayanami, as she once again wrung out a rag with motherly tenderness. We're working on the same part of the classroom together. Maybe I should talk to her or something. But what should I say? "Gee, Rei. That... uh... that sure is good wring work you're doing."

Rei didn't say anything. But then, Rei seldom did.

God, that sounded stupid, Shinji berated himself. Things to talk about with Rei... cleaning the classroom is definitely out... what about Eva?

"So, Rei uh... Looking forward to the training exercises this afternoon?"

Rei's head turned to stare at him. Her big, red eyes blinked once, twice, as she contemplated an answer to his question. "Yes," she replied, and then turned to give her attention to the blackboard.

Well, that exhausts the possibilities of that conversation, thought Shinji.

"I would have thought you able to anticipate my answer to that question," continued Rei, not bothering to look up from the board. It was about as close to a rebuke as she ever gave.

"Yeah, well... yeah," muttered Shinji halfheartedly, his hand rubbing the back of his head.

Rei stopped scrubbing and turned to face him, as a realization slowly dawned on her. "Were you perhaps attempting to make conversation?" she asked.

Shinji's answer took the form of crimson slowly spreading across his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. I'm not adept at such a thing."

A loud crash from the back of the room tore Shinji and Rei's attention from the task at hand. Asuka had angrily dropped the broom that she'd been holding and was proceeding to indignantly storm out.

"Forget this!" cried Asuka. She stalked toward the door. Unfortunately, a certain blue-haired pilot happened to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. "Out of my way, Wonder Girl!" Rei didn't budge, but rather stared at her, eyes blinking with bemusement at Asuka's unprovoked fury.

Asuka's eyes narrowed as she studied her least favorite teammate. Was she honestly daring to oppose her? "I said to get out of my way!" The shove in and of itself wasn't all that hard, and would have normally only backed Rei up a few paces. However, neither Asuka nor Rei took into account the fact that the floor had been freshly mopped and was still wet. With a surprised gasp, Rei fell, the side of the doorway coming to meet the back of her head.

Crack!

Rei's eyes sagged shut as she slumped to the floor. Asuka's eyes widened in horror. She hadn't meant to do that.

"Ayanami!" cried Shinji as he rushed over to her. In the time he had spent as an Eva Pilot, it had almost become automatic. Whenever he saw her in trouble, he had to go to her. Just like when he had first piloted Unit 01 and Operation Yashima, he had to help her in any way that he could.

Shinji took the limp form of Rei into his arms as the class began to crowd around them. "Ayanami!" Shinji shouted at her. "Rei, can you hear me?"

Rei's eyes fluttered open. Then, her face contorted in pain as she reached to hold the back of her head. As the pain became too much for her to bear, she shut her eyes tight, tears squeezing out of the corners of them.

Then, she buried her face in Shinji's shirt and let out a loud wail.

The entire class gasped. They had never seen Rei display anything resembling human emotion. Staring out the window at the world outside and never saying a word in class, she had always seemed more of a classroom ornament than an actual student.

And yet, listening to Rei crying there before them, they could only see an injured classmate and realize that she was in serious pain.

Hikari Horaki, the class representative, tentatively approached the injured Eva Pilot. "Rei? Are you okay?"

Rei drew her face from Shinji's shirt as quickly as she could and fixed Hikari with an angry stare. "No!" she sobbed. Her face was already tear-ravaged, and the whites of her eyes were becoming red-tinged. "Of course I'm not okay! I'm in freaking pain!"

Hikari's eyes widened, taken aback. Since when did Rei swear? Of all of her classmates, Rei was always the most docile. But then, she had a right to be angry. But anger had never been in her character before. Had it? "Uh... Well, what I meant was... Can you stand up?"

"I think so," replied Rei. She absently put her free arm around Shinji for support and attempted to get to her feet. Like a calf standing on all fours for the first time, her legs shook and wobbled as she slowly rose to a standing position. Shinji slowly released her, and she held steady for a pair of heartbeats. Then, with a small moan, she once again put a hand to the back of her head and sank to her knees.

"Touji, Kensuke, get a wheelchair," instructed Hikari.

"Right you are!" replied the pair of boys in their best Sanson and Hanson impression.

Shinji turned to see Asuka frowning over his shoulder at Rei. "I don't see what the big deal is," she whispered to Shinji. "She's been hurt a lot worse than this before."

Shinji leveled a venomous gaze at her. "I don't see why you should complain. You caused this."

Asuka started to reply, but then stopped. "Never mind," she said at last. "I forgot. You're still in 'First Child's knight in shining armor' mode."

Neither of them said much after that, since Touji and Kensuke came back with a wheelchair and the school nurse.

"It's just a minor concussion. Nothing too severe," Doctor Yoshiyuki Sadamoto assured Major Misato Katsuragi an hour later at Tokyo-3 Central Hospital. She, Shinji, Asuka, and Doctor Ritsuko Akagi had come up to check on Rei's condition after they'd found out that she'd been transferred there. "We're keeping her overnight for observation. She's in room 712 if you want to see her." He frowned at Asuka. "And you, young lady, should learn to keep your hands to yourself!"

"Yes, sir. It won't happen again," replied Asuka. At least, not on cleaning day, she thought sourly.

"Doctor, if it's okay with you, I'd like to discuss the matter of Rei's care," said Ritsuko.

"Well, she's only going to be staying over one night, so I don't see..."

"No, it's nothing about billing. We'd like you to run some additional tests on her during her stay here."

"Making me earn my pay, huh?" chuckled Sadamoto. "All right, Doctor Akagi. Step into my office and we'll talk."

Ritsuko turned to Misato. "Misato, why don't you take the children up to visit Rei? I'll be along in a bit."

Misato smiled. "Sure thing," she answered. Paperwork was one of Misato's least favorite aspects of her job, so she was more than happy to hand the job over to NERV's head of Technology and Development.

After Ritsuko and the doctor had left, Misato turned to Asuka. "I think you should wait in the car," she said stiffly.

Asuka pointed to herself. "Me? Why? Just because I shoved the little doll?"

"She's in the hospital because of you, Asuka," retorted Misato. "Do you honestly think she'd want to see you after that? How do you think she feels?"

"Ha!" cried Asuka. "Since when does Wonder Girl feel anything?"

"She certainly felt something just a little while ago. Or at least that's what Shinji told me."

"But it's so hot," whined Asuka. "I'll fry if you lock me up in that stupid car of yours!"

Misato sighed and took out her keys. "Here. Put on the air conditioner. And no radio," she added as an afterthought.

Asuka wordlessly took the keys and headed out the door.

"And no driving!" she heard Misato call after her. Asuka rolled her eyes heavenward. Driving? Sheesh, what a ditz.

"She thinks she's so pretty, but I make her look like a fat cow, and sister does she know it!" The voice came from room 712.

"Well, this was the room Doctor Sadamoto said," remarked Misato. "Sounds like Rei's got a roommate."

"I mean, what a meanie!" the voice carried on. "How could she do this to someone as demure, sensitive, and cute as I am?"

"Yes, dear," the nurse's understanding voice came from inside.

Misato and Shinji walked in... to find Rei sitting up in bed, a bandage wrapped around her head, tying an icepack to the back of it. Shinji and Misato looked around and realized that she was the only occupant.

"Hi, Misato!" greeted Rei, sitting up in her bed. "Hello Shinji!"

Misato's eyes widened. Rei had never called her by her first name before. And why did she seem so cheerful? She quickly reflected on what she'd overheard in the hall. Fat cow? Good thing that Asuka isn't here, after all, she concluded.

"Oh, it seems you have company," noted the nurse. "I'll tell you what. I'll leave you to your friends and come back in... about a half an hour. Okay?"

"Sure," said Rei.

"Hi, Rei," greeted Misato. "How are you feeling?"

"A little dizzy, but other than that, okay I guess," replied Rei.

"Uh... no major malfunctions or whatever?" asked Misato warily.

"No." Rei's tone suddenly grew equally wary, almost as if she were talking to a weirdo. "It's not like I'm a robot or something."

Misato forced a laugh. "Heh. No, of course not. Well, why don't I leave you and Shinji alone for a while. You two can... um... get to know each other! See ya!" She turned and walked out.

"Ohhhhhhkaaaaaaay," said Rei. She turned to Shinji. "What do you suppose her problem is?" She lay back down in bed and stared at Shinji through half closed eyelids. "This is kind of a switch, isn't it? You coming to see me in the hospital instead of me coming to see you."

Shinji's mouth hung open as he stared at Rei. Who was this stranger who seemed to know him so well? She looked like Rei, but Rei was a silent, complacent girl. This was someone who acted... downright normal. Eerily normal. Not like Rei at all. "Well, I guess," he answered her.

Suddenly, Rei sat up, her eyes staring intently at his chest. "What happened to your shirt?" she asked.

Shinji looked down at his dress shirt to see the wet spot on it where Rei had cried into it. "Well... uh... That was where you... uh... you know," he stammered.

"Oh," replied Rei as she began to blush. "I'm sorry. I'll replace it."

"No, that's okay," said Shinji. "It'll wash out."

Suddenly, Rei smiled at him and stretched her arm out to caress his cheek. "Thank you. You've always been there for me, my Shinji."

Now it was Shinji's turn to blush. He began to swallow visibly. "Muh-Muh-Muh-Muh," he stammered. He swallowed again and began to shake. "'My Shinji?'" he repeated incredulously.

Rei's eyes sparkled like twin rubies. "Yes," she stated simply. "My Shinji."

Shinji quickly took a step back. "Gee, R-R-R-R-Rei I'mgladyou'redoingsowell, butIthinkI'dbettergetgoingnow. Bye!" He nearly sprinted out the door.

Rei watched the doorway, pondering Shinji's actions. Then she lay back down in bed, eyes closed and arms spread out.

She looked at the image of Shinji's face burnt into the back of her eyelids. "Ooh," she squealed. "God, he's so gorgeous! Why didn't I ever notice it before? And he likes me! All I have to do is get past that shy exterior and he's all mine!"

Rei was allowed one more ecstatic squeal before the nurse returned to take her for a cat scan.

It was midnight, yet the Dummy Plug room in Central Dogma was occupied. Ritsuko Akagi stood alongside Gendo Ikari, Commander-in-Chief of NERV, and once again frowned at the bitter thoughts going through her head. "It's about Rei." That's all I had to say to get him down here at this hour. He'll drop everything for his precious puppet.

It had become more frequent, not less, as their relationship went on. He'd be asleep in bed, moaning Rei's name in his sleep, while she lay on her side, away from him, all the while seething and pretending not to hear. At least he saved it for afterward instead of during. Ritsuko wouldn't know how to deal with it if he didn't.

But she smirked. Even if what she was about to tell him concerning the little clone wouldn't cause the end of Rei completely, it would at least cause the end to this one. She was sure of that. Gendo always listened to her recommendations concerning Rei.

"I trust this is urgent," said Gendo.

"Yes, sir. It is," replied Ritsuko. "As you know Commander, one of our failsafes with the Rei clones is the two percent cutback of serotonin and certain other neurotransmitters within the brain's chemistry to produce a certain quasi-depression state. This makes Rei more reluctant to form relationships with others and form her own opinions. Its early side effects were slight mental instability which occasionally manifested itself during piloting exercises such as during the first activation test."

"And there is a problem with the neurotransmitter failsafes," deduced Gendo.

"Yes, unfortunately," replied Ritsuko. "I just received a fax from Dr. Sadamoto concerning Rei's tests." She handed Gendo some copies. "According to these, there are massive amounts of serotonin both in Rei's brain synapses and bloodstream. My guess is that when Asuka pushed Rei into that doorway, her body somehow realized that her mind wasn't getting enough of it and overcompensated by flooding the brain with enough serotonin to create several migraines."

"And how long before her serotonin levels go back to normal?" asked Gendo.

"They won't," frowned Ritsuko. "For some reason, her brain is now producing serotonin as a normal human's would. My hypothesis is that her Angelic cell matter has somehow managed to disengage the personality failsafes which we installed."

"I see," said Gendo. "And what are your recommendations?"

Ritsuko suppressed a smirk. Here was the best part! "In my estimation, we have no choice but to terminate this clone. The release of serotonin into her brain synapses will almost certainly change her personality into a sociable Type A, similar to Asuka's. In fact, she was exhibiting signs of it in the hospital, according to Major Katsuragi. And what if she starts... exploring the more Angelic side of her nature? She could decide to merge with Adam and initiate Third Impact."

Gendo shook his head. "And what about our other options? Medication?"

"There are medications to adjust the quantities of serotonin within the brain," noted Ritsuko. "However, Doctor Sadamoto will want a psychological evaluation before prescribing any of them."

"That is of no concern. Doctor Anno..."

"From a psychologist outside of NERV. You know his reservations about this organization, and his reputation for frowning on doctors who are hasty to prescribe medication for psychological disorders. Any diagnosis made by our house doctors will be subject to his scrutiny. If only he wasn't so damn good at his job, we wouldn't have to put up with him," Ritsuko pretended to lament. She sighed. "So, when should I prepare the disposal?"

Gendo turned and fixed her with a cold stare. "So certain of yourself."

"Sir?"

Gendo frowned. "I find your positions on Rei... alarmist. We've spent more than a year on this clone, and we shouldn't terminate it based on the loss of one failsafe. Although I do appreciate you bringing this to my attention." He smiled grimly. "You can rest assured that I'll be observing the situation. The entire situation." He turned and left the room.

From behind him, Ritsuko glowered. Suddenly, the lights went on to reveal the Dummy Plug System.

Rei stared at her.

And Rei.

And Rei.

And Rei.

Eyes wide in horror, Ritsuko could only gape back at them. Then, a muffled laugh came from the Dummy System. It was a girlish giggle; a gross, perverted parody of innocence.

Slowly, one after another, the Rei clones looked at her and giggled, until the room was filled with girlish laughter.

Ritsuko covered her ears, shutting her eyes tight to avoid gazing into the myriad pairs of red eyes. "You little bitch! Stop it! Stop that laughing!"

But the clones ignored her, laughing at her feeble attempt to destroy one of their own.