Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ If I Am Normal, Are You Weird? ❯ Learning to Speak ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter 2

Learning to Speak

It was home. And, it was disgusting.

Rei wondered why she'd never noticed it before. She'd always lived like this, but never before had she noticed how filthy it had been. The walls had gone so long without being painted that they were now peeling. Her old bandages and trash littered the floor. The sheets on her bed hadn't been changed in who knew when, and the pitcher of water on the icebox had become a new home for a school of algae.

The pitcher was the first thing she'd start with. She picked it up, brought it over to the sink, and dumped it out. "Hasta la vista, loafers," she said to the algae. "You're being evicted!" After washing it thoroughly, she refilled it and placed it back on the icebox.

She was about to start on the trash, when a noise coming from one of her boxes caused her to jump. She eyed one of the boxes as a small scraping sound came from it. Then, her eyes narrowed. Whatever's in there, you're in for it, she thought.

Slowly, she took a broom from the closet and turned it upside-down. Holding the handle as far from her body as possible, she poked the bandages inside the box with it.

"Gah!" cried Rei as a two-foot long rat leapt out of the box. As Rei reflexively jumped backward, the rodent quickly scurried across the room, through the kitchen, and out the slightly ajar door.

Rei put her hand over her heart and forced herself to stop gasping. It was the biggest rat she'd ever seen in her life! And it'd probably planned to eat her in her sleep, too! Or at least gnaw on her a bit.

Suddenly, her attention turned to her clothes. Again, she'd never had a problem with her attire before now, but for some reason, wearing the same thing day in and day out just seemed… stupid. There had to be something else.

Rei went over to the clothes closet and leafed through some of her clothes. A school uniform.

Another school uniform.

And another school uniform.

And another school uniform.

Hey, guess what? Another school uniform.

Didn't they give me anything else? wondered Rei. How boring. I could have sworn there was something else in here.

A thorough search turned up a moth-eaten yellow blouse and a slightly less moth-eaten pair of jeans. Gross! thought Rei after looking at herself in them in the mirror. The jeans were passable, but the blouse was so badly chewed that parts of her bra were plainly visible.

As she turned away from the mirror to change back into her dress, she spied her NERV security pass. Then she smiled as she remembered the other purpose that it held. "It wouldn't really be an abuse," she said to herself as she changed into her uniform. "I mean, I am a ward of the UN, right? They have to provide me with decent clothing, right?" She swiped the black and red plastic card. "Of course, how can I tell the difference between designer clothes and generics. I have been sheltered all my life, after all."

Credit card in hand, she raced out the door and to the shops.

Shinji was cooking dinner when the phone rang. "I'll get it!" he called. Not like anyone else does. "Hello?" he said into the receiver.

"Hi, Shinji."

Shinji gasped. "H-hi Rei," he stuttered. How do I deal with her? Meanwhile, Asuka and Misato came into the kitchen and sat down, looking at him as he talked on the phone. Great. Just what I need. An audience.

"Guess what I'm wearing now," said Rei coyly over the phone.

Shinji's eyes were that of an animal attempting to find its way out of a hunter's trap. "W-w-well, gee, Rei I-I-I…" he blurted.

"A really nice powder-blue designer blouse and blue jeans," said Rei. "And some new sneakers."

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh… well. That's nice, I guess."

"What? Did you expect me to say some skimpy lingerie or something?"

"Well… I didn't exactly know what to expect, to be honest," replied Shinji.

"Mm-hmm," said Rei. "Of course, I did get some new underwear when I went shopping, too."

"Ugh?" asked Shinji.

"They had these really cute panties with a little pink bow on top, so I just had to get them."

"Igik," Shinji choked.

"And the bras were on sale so I picked a few of those up, too. In fact, I got a whole new wardrobe." Her voice suddenly turned even coyer. "You wanna come over and sneak a peek?"

"Well Rei, I…uh…I really have to go. Bye!" Misato and Asuka watched as he quickly replaced the receiver, ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut.

"What's his problem?" Asuka asked Misato.

Misato just shrugged and took a pull of her beer.

"Wait! Are you…" cried Rei.

Click.

"…going out… with someone?" Rei slowly drew the cell phone from her ear and pressed power. Then she lay back on her bed. "I guess he isn't into clothes," she shrugged.

Thirty seconds later, she sat back up, eyes wide with stark realization.

Shinji came out of the bathroom to find Asuka and Misato stifling laughter. "What's so funny?" asked Shinji, somewhat indignantly.

Shinji's two roommates looked at him, and then at each other, small giggles escaping them despite their best efforts to hold them in.

"You two are weird," decided Shinji.

"There's a message on the answering machine for you," said Misato between guffaws.

As Shinji's finger moved toward the play button, he began to sense their anticipation building behind him. He turned to see Misato and Asuka quickly look away from him and pretend to concentrate on other things. Then he turned back to the answering machine.

"I didn't mean sneak a peek at those, you letch!" Rei's angry voice came from the tape. "Quit thinking with your hormones!"

As the answering machine beeped, Asuka and Misato burst into fits of laughter. "Shinji, you dog!" teased Misato. "I didn't know you and Rei were an item!"

"And just how far have you gotten?" asked Asuka.

"No! We're not like that at all!" cried Shinji.

"Oh, I see," said Misato sagely. "Well, you know what they say: 'Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.'"

"You're giving him too much credit, Misato," said Asuka. "I bet he's too much of a wimp to try anything."

"I am not!" cried Shinji.

"So then you have covered some bases with old Wonder Girl?" asked Asuka coyly.

"Yeah! I'm not a wimp!" bawled Shinji defiantly. Then he realized what he'd just said. "I mean no!" he yelped.

"Shinji and Rei sittin' in a tree," sang Misato.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G," continued Asuka.

"First comes love…"

"Then comes marriage…"

"Then comes L'il Shinji in a baby carriage!" The two finished with a laugh.

Shinji plopped down at the table. "Stop teasing me!" he wailed.

"You have to admit, though, it is a little strange," said Asuka. "I mean, since when does Rei show any emotion, let alone get mad at Shinji."

"Yeah," agreed Misato. "Rei was acting really weird in the hospital too. Almost normal. Not like her at all."

Almost normal, yet really weird, thought Shinji. Isn't that an oxymoron?

Asuka grunted. "Oh, who cares? I've heard enough about Rei Ayanami to last a lifetime. As far as I'm concerned, she can do whatever she wants just as long as she doesn't bug me!"

"Hi, Asuka!" cried Rei enthusiastically at school the next day, duffel bag in hand. "Guess what? They're having this really great sale at La Petite Boutique, and I got some really great clothes."

Stunned, Asuka merely stared at her as she drew out a teal blouse.

"What do you think?" asked Rei. "I got this one on clearance for only five-hundred yen!" Then she dug around some more in her duffel bag and drew out a white dress. She held it against herself. "Isn't it pretty? It was a bit more expensive than everything else I bought, but it looked so nice that I just had to get it!" Then she put it back and dug out a pale-green mid-drift. "And this will be good for when it gets hot out..."

"And why are you showing me all of this?" demanded Asuka, suddenly over her shock. "Do you honestly think I care about your ever-expanding wardrobe?"

"Well excuse me!" huffed Rei. "The reason that I was showing you all of this was I thought you might want to go shopping with me after we got out of HQ!"

"Go shopping with you?" repeated Asuka incredulously. "Don't make me laugh! I wouldn't be caught dead with someone of your bad taste!"

Rei's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with my taste?" she snarled.

"You mean you really have to ask? Look at your clothes! Blues, whites, light shades of green! Where are the warm tones? No red anywhere!"

"Red?" cried Rei. "I can't stand red! And anyway, warm tones would completely clash with my hair! Can you imagine me wearing... blech! Jeez, and here I thought you had fashion sense."

From the back of the classroom, The Three Stooges watched the bickering Eva Pilots. "This may be their biggest fight ever," noted Touji.

"And their stupidest," added Kensuke.

"Oh, now I don't have fashion sense?" cried Asuka. "I'm not the one who's going to end up looking like the ice-queen, unlike you!"

"I never said that you didn't have fashion sense! I said that I thought you had fashion sense!" exclaimed Rei.

"Well, you were wrong!" yelled Asuka.

"That's right!" retorted Rei, and angrily stalked off to her desk. Meanwhile, Asuka sat and fumed.

"I think Rei won that one," said Touji.

"I don't think it matters that much," commented Kensuke.

Shinji sighed audibly.

"Hey! Big shot!" said Touji. "What's your problem?"

Shinji turned to Touji. "Rei was just talking about going shopping, and then she fought with Asuka about color tones. And she sounded almost as if she... enjoyed it."

"So?" Touji shrugged. "Maybe Rei just decided to act normal for a change. Kind of weird having a normal Eva Pilot around."

"Normal for who?" asked Shinji.

Touji looked at him, attempting to figure out what he was talking about. "Well, normal for a girl anyway," was his reply.

Kensuke, though, had a better idea of what Shinji was talking about. "I guess it is kind of weird. One day Rei's acting oblivious to everything, and then... she's normal. I guess we'll have to get used to it, though."

Suddenly, Asuka shot up from her seat. "What the hell?" she cried at Rei.

"Round two," remarked Touji.