Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Baby Kaulitz ❯ 20 ( Chapter 21 )

Dani had gone home two days ago, It was impossible for her to travel with them during the tour, not only would living conditions be cramped, but she was close enough to her delivery date that the doctor had forbidden extensive travel.

 

Since she had left then Tom had been extremely withdrawn, he was having trouble keeping his promise to Dani, his promise not to hurt her, his promise not to cut.

 

He was in the bus toilet, contemplating tearing apart Gustav's razor; the stupid thing had guards so that it wouldn't cut deep. He held it in his hand, it was one of those one use things, with the cheep plastic handle, David had bought it for Gustav from a convenience store since they didn't have time to stop at a real store and buy him the electric type he liked.

 

Just as he was about to bash the stupid thing against the counter, to knock the guard off, the bathroom door burst open. He tried to stash the razor behind his back, but all too soon he was staring into a set of eyes identical to his own

 

"Tom, what do you think you are doing?" Bill asked innocently.

 

"Nothing, Bill, have you never heard of knocking?"

 

"Yes. I didn't want to. What are you doing with a pink razor? You don't have anything that doesn't need scissors."

 

"Uh…what I am doing is none your business, get out, NOW!" Bill looked as if tears were about to burst from his eyes. He had noticed a change in his brother's personality, but even then, he never yelled at Bill.

 

That's when he looked at his shoes, but noticed Toms rolled up pant leg, and what looked like intended scratches on the inside of his twins' ankle. "Tomi, what are those?" Bill asked, pointing.

 

"Nothing, I said get out."

 

Tom quickly shoved his pant leg down, and threw the razor into the sink. He stood and tried to make his way past his twin but Bill held his arm across the free space in the doorway.

 

“Let me by Bill,” he growled, but his twin would have none of it.

 

“You have to talk to me about it first.”

 

“What is there to talk about?” he stared past Bill's head at the cupboard on the opposite wall of the bus.

 

Bill sighed and removed his hand from the doorpost and unbuckled one of his wrist cuffs, the one he almost never removed. Underneath was the pale skin of Bill's wrist, crisscrossed by multiple scars overlapping each other.

 

“I used to cut too Tom, I know how you feel, will you please talk to me?” he spoke softly, trying to look his other in the eye.

 

Tom continued to stare at the wall, he knew if he looked his twin in the eye he would give in. “Just because we share a few scars you think you can understand how I've been feeling? Do you have any idea what it is like to be a father without having a choice? Understand this- you know NOTHING about me little brother. I don't need you interfering with my life.” His face contorted in anger, his skin flushed red but still he refused to look at his twin.

 

“I would do anything to be the father of those babies! You practically chased me from her that night.” Bill was shouting as he shoved his finger into Tom's chest. “Now you've gone and done it again. You have no responsibility Tom! When are you going to realize that every one of your actions affects the rest of us? Everything you do affects someone else, weather it's in a good or bad way is up to you. Its time you accepted the responsibility, the fact that these kids are yours, that Dani is yours to take care of!

 

“I do take care of her, she lives in my house!” with that, Tom pushed past his brother into his bunk to hide.

 

Bill didn't even lose a beat, and it bugged Tom how quickly he could turn anything in his favour. “Because I brought her there! If I hadn't gone a visited her she would still be living in that one-room-hell-hole! You would have left her there Tom, you did leave her there. I went and got her, not because it had to happen, not because you, or anyone else wanted me to, I did it because I care for her.”

 

With that Bill flew from the sleeping quarters of the bus, slamming the door on his way out.

 

*~~~*

Two days later

*~~~*

 

Tom was fuming, Georg had come up to him and tried to give him the sympathy talk, how they, the rest of the band, could understand how he was feeling but that it wasn't right to cut, that he had to find a different way to express his feelings.

 

`Fuck Georg,' he thought to himself `and Fuck Bill,' that little bastard had blabbed to the whole band.

 

They had just come back to the hotel from the after party of their last gig, and Tom was searching his suite for something he could use to beat Bill up with. It was an unspoken rule that they never used their fists.

 

His eyes finally fell upon the weapon he would use, it was an air freshener aerosol can; forget heavy objects. Despite Bill's androgynous looks he preferred to smell like a man, and this bottle read `spring garden'; it was perfect, plus if the fight turned physical he could always commandeer something from Bills identical suite.

 

*~~~*

 

Bill was startled when the door to the bathroom flew open, he just about screamed for Saki, when he recognized his brother's dreadlocked head. Relief flushed his system before adrenaline and mild fear replaced it. He didn't like the look on Tom's face.

 

“Tom! What the fuck? Get out!” he tried shoving his twin from the room but was greeted by a stinging puff of flowery smelling air, accompanied by a hissing sound. He froze.

 

“You. Did. Not. Just spray me with perfume!” he bellowed, sudden rage overtaking his usually bubbly persona.

 

"How does air freshener resemble perfume you fruit? You're deranged. How about I knock your ass out so you can get some rest, because you must be really tired, especially after gossiping about me, you Fucker!"

 

"Tomi, you wouldn't" Bill now actually had tears streaming down his face, that shit stung like crazy, he wouldn't be surprised if he was blind come morning. "Tom, you don't want to do this," he pleaded, while his hands desperately searched for something on the counter to uses as a weapon.

 

"Want to bet? After all the hell you have put me through. You Fucking told the whole band! You ruined everything! You stole the only girl I ever lo- liked. You are a fucking ass-wipe!”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bill was mad now, his fingers closed around another aerosol bottle - hairspray, perfect.

 

“I've see the way you touch her, the way you look at her. I fucking hate you!”

 

“Well then I hate you too!” Bill let the hairspray fly, not caring that his reply sounded like that of a four year old. He turned his face away as the air freshener was once again added to the cloud of chemicals in the air.

 

“I wish you were never born!” Tom yelled his own juvenile response, to which Bill was finally able to give an educated response; he also turned his back to the fog of sticky, smelly spray.

 

"Then what?" Bill cut in, dowsing the air in hairspray once more, not bothering to look over his shoulder to see if his shot was any good. “If I wasn't born, you wouldn't be famous, there wouldn't be a Tokio hotel, and you would never have met her in the first place!” he took a breath and nearly coughed on the fumes he inhaled, he dropped to the floor, hoping to escape the chemicals.

 

“Tom, she needs you! You are the father to her damn kids! And yes, I would take over if I could! I would take Dani, I would be a father to those babies But I cant! Live up to what you would call a mistake!" He grabbed Tom by his belt, yanked him to the floor and rolled on top of him.

 

“You keep you hands off of her! The kids are mine, she is mine!” Tom spat into his twin's face, his eyes blazing with anger.

 

“Then act like it! Stop making selfish decisions. These-” Bill shoved his own wrist in Tom's face, and kicked Tom in the shin to get his point across. “-are selfish decisions, these show how little we care about others, how we can only focus on our own pain. Wake up Tom.”

 

Bills eyes calmed and his face settled into its usual serene appearance, he placed his hands on his brother's cheeks.

 

“I love you Tom.”

 

Tom paused in his struggles to give his other a part fearful, part disgusted look, and Bill scoffed. “Not THAT way moron!” he couldn't help but laugh at the end of the sentence.

 

“Call her Tomi; she needs to know that it was more than just a one-night-stand…again.” he stood up, holding his breath and stepped over his brother to the bathroom door.

 

“Oh and you may want to get out of there BEFORE you suffocate.” He added as an after thought.

 

With that Bill left his twin lying on the floor of the chemically fogged bathroom.

*~~~*

 

 

 

 

 

Bill and Tom were in their dressing room, Tasha, the makeup and hair lady for the twins was applying Bills makeup, which he hated, and Tom was on the phone with Dani. He was speaking in English, of course, so only Bill was able to understand the conversation.

 

“How are you doing?” He could hear Tom ask, and he watched through the mirror as his twin nervously twisted one of his dreads. Tom nodded and then answered that he was doing alright. Bill grunted but refused to say anything otherwise, it was Tom's responsibility to tell Dani, not his.

 

The conversation soon turned toward the babies and how they were doing, Bill couldn't hear Dani's replies but he was able to guess them by the way Tom reacted. It was good, because Tom was smiling, the last time Bill had seen Tom smile was before they left on tour, and he had begun to miss it.

 

Tom had been doing better the last couple days; he had actually spent most of his time around Bill, which really surprised him. Bill had figured that Tom would hold a grudge for at least a few days but Tom had simply exited from the bathroom, on the night of their fight, and Told Bill that he was right. They had spent the rest of the night talking, mostly about inconsequential things, like things they wanted to buy, movies they wanted to see, Tom had even brought up the naming of the twins.

 

That had totally blown Bills mind, how Tom had gone from worrying about having to be a father without his consent, to thinking of names for his kids. He seemed to have taken a complete 180*.

 

 

Tasha instructed Bill to close his eyes so she could begin to work on his eyes, and he focused his ears on his brother's conversation. Tom was trying the names he had come up with on Dani, after the first few names he paused, and Bill could slightly hear Dani's voice on the other end of the call. Tasha turned away for a moment and Bill took the chance to peek at his twin.

 

Toms face was shocked, and then he broke out in a smile.

 

“I wish I had been there.” Tom spoke softly and Bill turned away and closed his eyes again. Tom talked to Dani until the camera crew for `Tokio hotel TV' came in to film their `candid moments'. The boys were careful not to say much about Dani when the crew was in the room, David had stressed how important it was not to mention too much about their private lives.

 

Tasha quickly put the finishing touches on Bills makeup and moved on to lightly powder Tom's face. Tom hated wearing makeup, but he hated looking like a teenager even worse, so he had grudgingly agreed to have powder foundation lightly applied to help battle the appearance of such unwanted `blemishes', not that there was much to cover mind you.

 

“Okay boys, half an hour till show time, you ready?” Jost called as he rapped quickly on the dressing room door and moved onto George's and then Gustav's rooms.

 

The venue had been quite generous in providing individual dressing rooms but Tom had insisted on staying with Bill, he had even followed him to the washroom, but Bill had put his foot down and demanded Tom stay outside in the hallway.

 

 

*~~~*

Tom leaned against the hallway wall and waited for his twin to re-emerge form the bathroom. He knew he was being a little too clingy but Bill was one of his comforts at the moment. He also didn't want Bill to have a reason to believe that he was still dangerously close to giving in and cutting again, he was trying not to, but it was proving exceedingly hard.

 

Every time the notion crossed his mind he would have to focus on Bill, or Dani or the twins to keep his mind of the hypnotic pull of his cutting addiction.; he never would have thought that it could have gotten this bad, at first he had actually hated doing it but had needed the promised distraction, and now he could barely keep himself from doing it again.

 

It was painful and it left scars behind, but the pain distracted him form his emotional stress and the scars were a remembrance of the things he had suffered. He knew it was selfish, he knew he shouldn't be doing it, that it was dangerous, but he couldn't stop.

 

He had his reasons for turning a complete 180 behaviour wise, he realised it seemed a little suspicious, but what was he to do, let Bill know that he wasn't able to stop `just like that'? His twin didn't work like that. Every time Bill decided to do something he did it, no matter what obstacles stood in his way, But Tom was different, he was…normal.

 

Tom had to work for everything, except for girls, most came as soon as he snapped his fingers, which he had done quite often up until a few months ago. Lately they didn't hold the same charm that they had before Dani.

 

Dani was his new lifeline; he hadn't cut near as much lately as opposed to before Dani had shown him how much she loved him. Thinking of Dani made him think of his twins and the exciting news he had just learned about them. He could hardly wait to tell Bill…

 

*~~~*

 

Bill quietly laughed to himself as he fiddled around in the bathroom; it had been years since Tom had followed him everywhere. Despite popular belief Bill was the leader of the two.

 

When they were younger Bill had done all the talking, Bill's friends had become Tom's and anything Bill did Tom had to do too. When they reached the age of nine Tom finally had made his first friend on his own, a girl named Casey, after that he had learned to do things for himself, but he still mostly followed Bill. If it hadn't been for Bills dream to have his own band they never would have wound up where they were.

 

When Bill emerged from the bathroom, Tom rushed from where he was leaning against the wall and leaned in close and whispered in his ear. “Girls Bill, They're girls!” His voice sounded elated, and Bill was puzzled.

 

“There are always girls, Tom,” he replied, knitting his brows together and lightly patting his damp hands on his jeans; there hadn't been any paper towels in the bathroom.

 

“No, the twins, they're girls! Dani went for an ultrasound yesterday and the Dr. was finally able to get a look `down there'.” Tom was Whispering so loudly that it almost defeated the purpose, but Bill didn't care to notice, he was too busy jumping up and down trying to keep his excitement from making itself verbal. Tom laughed at him but looked around before joining in.

 

*~~~*

 

Saki laughed quietly to himself and turned a blind eye to the Jumping rock stars, and instead focused on his job…keeping the press and any form of fan, crazy ones included, from seeing the boys' un-rock star behaviour.

 

He couldn't help but notice over the last few months, how Bill had grown up so much, how he seemed to take initiative more often, and on the opposite side of the picture, was Tom who had become more withdrawn and childlike, in both behaviour and in his need for love and attention. He was happy for Bill; he knew that the Milton girl had something to do with his new found purpose in life.

 

He also knew that the same girl had nothing to do with Tom's regression; if anything she relieved some tension, and eased his depression. Tom had been slowly getting worse and worse since their first tour. At first Dani, and the situation surrounding her, seemed to make the burden worse, but now it was obvious that Dani was one of the few things that made it easier for Tom to continue on.

 

Silently Saki thanked God for the gift of Dani Milton to the Kaulitz twins.

 

*~~~*