Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Once upon a time ❯ The Witches ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

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Miscellaneous: Original Stories Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Fantasy / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.18.2008 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 182 | Status: Work In Progress

“Something wicked this way comes!” said the mole witch to her sisters, “A creature with a black cursed heart! An apathetic demon with no care for his fellow creatures, he's evil. So darkly cruel he is my sisters.”

“Why are you saying such terrible things about the coconut?” Ferret said as he leaned into the circle of witches.

“Ah!” cried the first witch

“Hail be to you who could be king!” cried the second

“I'm stoopid.” cried the Lame Sister as she drooled all over her pants

“Um, hi?” Ferret started to back away

“No, no!” The first witch said, “We have such interesting things to show you!”

“Oh screw you!” Ferret screamed, “I'm not being tricked like that again!”

“WHAT!?” shrieked the witch

“As soon as I get closer you'll take your clothes off and show me that you're actually men!” Ferret backed away further, “WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!”

“No, we can tell you your future!”

“Oh to hell with your scams you son of a mushroom!” Ferret picked up a rock, “I will not be ripped off by some trany gypsy mole mutants and their retarded sister!”

“BUT WAIT! Murder is against the rules in this genre!”

“SCREW YOUR RULES!” Ferret threw the rock into the witch's face, killing her instantly, “I HAVE A TAIL!”

“I think you broked her head, the cranberry sauce is mixing with the lasagna.” The Lame Mole Witch said then she looked at Ferret, “Are you my mommy?”

“No!” Ferret punched the retard in her face; the special mole looked at him

“F*ck your couch!” she said with all her retard stuttering

Ferret pulled out a knife and stabbed the retarded mole in her throat.

“No one insults my couch!” Ferret looked at the last sister

“Please don't hurt me!” the witch held her hands up in a defensive posture

“I don't do requests.” Ferret pulled out a revolver and aimed it at the mole witch

“GUNS AREN'T ALLOWED IN THE MIDEVIL SETTING!”

“Screw your rules; I'm the one with the revolver!” Ferret shot the mole witch in the face and her head exploded. Ferret put his revolver away and with Adam he continued along his journey to get cookies.

The Bearded Man screamed in rage when he found out his daughters, the mole witch sisters had been killed. The catfish chattered stupidly amongst themselves

“He explosioned a fire at her!”

“And blood her face off!”

“Gun attack!”

“He tossed a rock into her head-ball!”

“ONE METER STICK!”

“He's got a coconut!”

“Deamon mastar he b is!”

“SHUT UP!” screamed the Bearded Man in his grief-filled anger, “This ferret is a powerful foe! We must band together, and find useful allies to aid us in destroying him! We can not risk him meeting the Fox Queen, oh what's her name?”

“Who cares?” cried the catfish horde in unison

The Fox Queen sat munching cookies, “Hmm, I sure hope some guests arrive soon, otherwise I'll have to eat all these cookies myself.”

“And then you will get very fat!” cried the jester

“Are you implying that I would be unattractive if I choose to gain a few pounds young fool, or by `then you will get VERY fat' are you implying that I'm already fat?”

“Oh, no Kitty; I do not intend to insult you so!” the jester waved his hands, “Surely you are beautiful no matter what size you are!”

“How many times must I tell you to call me Queen or Queen Vixen? We are not friends; you've no reason to use my first name in conversation.” The Fox Queen cracked her knuckles, “And I do believe you are implying that you think I'm unattractive!”

“Precious vixen, is Kitty Vixen not your name? And have I not served you for many years? Surely I can call you Kitty with no recourse from you my plump Queen!” Jester danced a little jig

“Did you just call me `plump'?” Kitty said in sheer disbelief, “Why Jester I do believe I no longer need your services.”

“What my Queen?” Jester stopped his jig

“I deeply implore you leave before I stuff you into my oven and bake your insides to a delicious golden brown.” Kitty glared, paws clenched and quivering “I have a deep urge to murder you in a most unpleasant way.”

“How funny my weight watching failure of a Queen, but as you see, I am supposed to be the funny one here.” Jester laughed “You just sit down and get fatter!”

Outside the guards heard a most terrible scream, fearing the worst they rushed to protect their Queen. They burst through the doors with their swords ready

“Who the demon!?” The first guard said without thinking

“Help me!” Jester was being shoved into the oven by Kitty, “SHE'S LOST HER MIND TO HUNGER CRAVINGS!”

“ENOUGH FROM YOU!” Kitty smashed Jester over the head with a cookie sheet. “No one calls me fat and lives to tell about it and you even had the gall to laugh at me!”

Jester was rendered unconscious from the blow and Kitty shoved him into the oven and slammed the door closed.

“Oh, I forgot to preheat it!” Kitty said in dismay as she had to turn the knob to 400 degrees, “Oh my, this could be awhile!”

“What happened here my Queen?” said the second guard

“He made me mad, would you two mind making sure he stays in there while I bath my body?” Kitty said as she scratched her back

“Yes ma'am!” proclaimed the guards.

Ferret was strolling through the forest when an ogre came out and attacked him with a mighty club.

“I will crush you!” proclaimed the ogre who was many times Ferret's small size, “I am Grant the OGRE! -Wait what am I doing?”

As Grant looked around confused Ferret said, “You were coming with me to the Fox Kingdom to get some cookies from the Fox Queen.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, rly!” Ferret smiled as the Ogre followed behind him and he held Adam under his arm. “I wonder what is going to happen the next chapter of this insanity.”

Next time: Ferret makes it to the Fox Kingdom and meats the Queen, and some other stuff!