Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ The Striplings ❯ Stacy and Robert ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3

Stacy and Robert

 

 

1

 

After 3 months of spending every moment together, the day I've been dreading has arrived. All I can think about is all the wonderful moments we spent alone together. His family is all gathered for this monumental event, and here I am with them like the third wheel. They're determined to keep my place in the family even with Robert away at college. Dinner every Wednesday was the least I could get away with. Mrs. Miller would not take no for an answer. Eating with Robert's family was going to be very uncomfortable without him there. I guess in her eyes, Robert would settle down and marry in a few years, and since I am his first real girlfriend, it should be me.

 

The campus is literally packed in every direction. We tried to plan it so we would miss or beat the rush, but no matter what you do, you always hit it. It takes an hour to make our way to his dorm on the far side of campus. Everywhere you look, students, some with families, are towing carts, suitcases, and bags around. Robert squeezes my hand and I lay my head on his shoulder. It's ninety degrees out, but that doesn't bother me. Right now, he is still mine, but in a few hours I'll be at home alone. Robert will be in a college dorm with tons of easy college girls. I push this thought out of my mind and repeat my mantra; `I will not make a scene, I will not make a scene'.

 

The elevators are just as impossible as we attempt to get a lift up to the tenth floor. I guess we're lucky Robert didn't want to bring a lot of things. We joked about the kids who brought chairs and other large bulky items. The only large item we had was Robert's fridge. That was a necessity we had all agreed on. An hour later, he was moved in and we all stood awkwardly in the tiny room.

 

I backed away, hoping his parents would say goodbye first. They did. Mrs. Miller was crying and Mr. Miller's hug seemed to never end. You would think he was moving across the country, not less than two hours away. Finally they let go and retreated out of the room.

 

“We're going to get lunch honey. How about we meet at 3:00 at the car?” They were going to give us two hours alone. “That way you and Robert can walk around campus a little.”

Mrs. Miller smiled and closed the door without waiting for my answer.

 

As soon as the door shut, Robert gathered me in his arms and pulled us both down to the small bed. There were no sheets or covers, just a bare mattress. He sensed my mood and his face became pouty.

 

“I have to go to college. This is the closest I could get to you.” I wasn't convinced and continued to stay quiet. We knew each other so well and had had this talk, well argument a hundred times this summer. No matter how many times or ways he reassured me, I still felt a deep jealousy and hatred for his new life starting without me. Right now my face was betraying all of my emotions.

 

“Please Stacy. I don't want to spend this time arguing and then have you going back all mad.” There was more in his voice than he meant to let on. He was just as worried about infidelity as I was. How many times had I promised to be faithful? I wasn't the one living on my own, with no one to know what was really happening. Robert had many friends still in high school. Believe me, if I cheated, it would get out. But Robert, he could do whatever he wanted and I would never be the wiser. These thoughts ignited a fire in me that I couldn't control.

 

“I'm not the one with all these sexy college girls around. You know it's only a matter of time before you sleep with one at some stupid party.” My voice was shrill and I was sure anyone outside the room could hear me.

 

“Stacy, come on! I promised you.” He was really trying to not argue. But I couldn't stop the rage that was coming out of me.

 

“I'm just a stupid high school kid Robert. Why don't you just break up with me now?” Well now I had done it. Tears were swelling over out onto my cheeks and I was shaking. I wouldn't be able to hide this from his parents. They would know we fought.

 

“Hey now. Come back here. Listen, because I'm not going to spend another second explaining this to you. I. Love. You. If I wanted to date any of these girls, I would have broken up with you weeks ago and registered early for school. But here I am on the last possible day before classes start. I spent every minute with you because I love you. And in two years, you'll be with me. And two years after that, I will marry you. I promise.” God he sounded so sincere. Over the past year, he'd shown me how much he loved me in a hundred different ways. Right now he looked like he really loved me, but why couldn't I believe him. Maybe because I didn't think I deserved to be loved like that. I could feel myself relaxing but I still couldn't let it go.

 

“Why couldn't you just stay, wait for me?” It came out as just a pouty whisper. I knew this was wrong to say to him. It was wrong of me to even suggest it.

 

“And go to community college.” His voice was full of disgust. “Stacy, I have a full scholarship to this school. If I wait two years, I don't know if it will still be here. Plus, you know what my parents would think. They would blame you and it would make things so hard. Please stop making this so hard. I just want to be with you right now.”

 

“I'm sorry this is so hard for you.” My voice was full of sarcasm. I was the one going home alone. I was the one who had to walk the halls without my boyfriend. I was the one who would be alone at every party or movie night for the next two years.

 

“Stacy, I'm coming home in two weeks. And then every other weekend after that, despite the fact that I have a full schedule with basketball practice. You're acting like a kid.” Of all the things he could have said at that moment, that was probably one of the worst things. I started marching towards the door.

 

“No no no. Stacy please. Please, I didn't mean it.” His arms were wrapped around me in an iron grip.

 

“Get off me Robert, let me go. I'm just a kid to you and now you have all the women you want!” I continued to struggle with him but it was no match. I was 5ft 2 and he was 6ft 1. Eventually I was too tired to keep fighting and he pulled me down to the bed.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Don't leave.” He began kissing me in between words. At first I didn't, wouldn't respond. “I love you Stacy. I promise I won't hurt you. I'll think about you all the time and won't look at any other girls. You are the only one for me.” After ten minutes of groveling and kissing, my body gave in and Robert won. He tactfully remembered to lock the door before we spent the last hour we had together christening his dorm room bed.

 

 

2

 

Why did I do this? This has to be the dumbest thing I have ever decided to do. Wait. It wasn't my idea. It was Robert's. I can still hear his voice in my head suggesting I try out for the school musical. `It will give you something to do and keep you busy' and `you have such a beautiful voice', blah blah blah. I knew I had a great voice, but I was content with singing in a choir with other people and maybe an occasional solo. That was what I thought would happen when I tried out for this play. Maybe I would be cast as some nameless high school student who would sing in the background of one of Sandy's big solos.

 

But oh no. I get cast as Rizzo. Rizzo, who has a huge solo, not to mention one of the biggest parts in Grease. It was too late now. Mrs. Dover gave me a guilt trip about how I had the most wonderful voice and the perfect personality to play this role. Suckered in, that's what happened to me.

 

Robert was positively thrilled when I texted him. He called me immediately raving about how talented I was. It's so hard to be suspicious of what he was doing on the weekends I don't see him, when he is just so damn sweet. Even though we see each other every other weekend, I freak out every time he doesn't answer his phone or respond to a text right away.

 

After spending as much time as possible loading my bag with books from my locker and slowly walking to the auditorium, I must face the music, literally. While I'm staring at the door, mentally willing myself to enter, a voice speaks behind me.

 

“So you got the part of Rizzo. I'm glad it's someone with a good voice.” At this point I had turned around to see who was speaking. Oh, Kevin Bailey. Or shall I say Kevin Bailey. He must have grown four inches over the summer and his voice was much deeper. In the space of a few seconds I managed to take in every inch of him. From his perfect smile, past his muscular arms, down to his long legs. Mentally I slapped myself in the face for the terrible thoughts that went through my head. At the same time my brain was receiving another set of words coming from Kevin. “It looks like we'll be spending a lot of time together then, huh.”

 

“What?” Code for: I'm guessing I missed something important while I was gaping at your incredible body.

 

“Since I'm playing Kinickie and you're Rizzo, we may want to spend some time together getting into character.” He was completely sincere in his statement. This wasn't some move to hit on me or get me alone with him. This was a guy who genuinely wanted to do a good job and thought spending extra time with Rizzo, me, would help. Somehow this made him even more desirable to me.

 

“Sorry. This is my first appearance in Creston Highs theater program,” I said dramatically. “I really wasn't expecting to get a leading part, so I just am a little unprepared.” My voice was sweet and full of innocence. God I was flirting. Maybe he wouldn't notice.

 

“I heard your audition and I'm surprised you didn't get Sandy, but no offense, I guess you do seem more like a Rizzo.” He paused for a moment and smiled revealing perfect teeth. His braces must have just been removed over the summer. The combination of his complement and that smile made my toes tingle. “Don't worry about being inexperienced. With me as your coach, you'll be great.” I dropped my mouth to respond to his boastfulness and simultaneously gave him a playful shove and we both laughed. He was so easy to talk with.

 

“We better go in, don't want to be late.” He stepped quickly in front of me to grab the door and held it so I could go in first. I was feeling so many things that I hadn't felt in what seemed like ages. In reality, Robert had only been gone a month, and it was the first time I had felt taken care of since. Instantly I felt a pang in my heart as I thought about the betrayal I was causing just by even thinking of Kevin that way.

 

Kevin and I took seats next to each other in the auditorium. I sort of had to after all that outside. Mrs. Dover stood on the stage and launched into a 30 minute speech about her vision for the show, expectations, and cast introductions. Once in awhile Kevin or I would cast a bored look at each other or an eye roll. But secretly I was really trying to listen because I honestly had no idea what I was doing. My ears really perked when she said spandex pants for the pink ladies. By the end of the meeting I was feeling excited about being part of something important.

 

I offered to give Kevin a ride home and he quickly accepted. His brother must have been planning on getting him, because Kevin made a phone call to Mitch before we left. On the way he asked me to come in and read some lines. Part of me thought I could really use the help, but there was this other part that was daring me to find out what Kevin was really thinking. An even bigger part of me was screaming to go home and call Robert. I loved Robert, so why did I want to be alone with Kevin? Finally I let fate decide.

 

My heart pounded as I dialed the numbers. If Robert answered the phone, I would be saved. All I needed was to hear his voice and my commitment would be renewed. My hoped diminished as his phone went straight to voice mail. Unfortunately, Robert still hadn't recorded a personal message, so I just got the beep. The phone snapped shut and my evil side won out.

 

Kevin and Mitch's rooms were in the bottom part of their split foyer house that had its own door. That must come in handy for late nights. Kevin led me around the back and took my hand to help me down the rocky hill. His was warm and clammy, but comfortable anyway.

 

“Do you mind if we practice in my room instead of the den? Essie and Mitch will be here soon and I don't want to be interrupted.” He didn't turn around when he spoke, so I couldn't be exactly sure, but it seemed as if he was really annoyed by that. I let the thought go and focused on being in his room. I felt the now all too familiar jolt in my stomach at my even further betrayal.

 

His room was average for a bedroom. His full size bed was against the wall, under the window. There was a small closet on the opposite wall to his bed. Against the third wall was an entertainment center with a TV/DVD/Play Station. The final wall had a small desk and computer. It was very similar to my own room at home. I took a seat at the desk, which seemed neutral. He sprawled out on the bed and pulled his copy of the script from his pocket.

 

“I bet you have to wear a wig.” The words didn't immediately register because I was still caught up in my own thoughts.

 

“What?”

 

“Well, you have really blond, straight hair and Rizzo has dark curly hair. That's probably why I thought you would get Sandy.” I was staring at him with what must have been a perplexed look. “Aside from your great voice, you have a sweet and sexy look.” As soon as the words came out Kevin looked as if he wished he hadn't spoken them. His face went very red and his eyes dropped down low. I should have walked out right then, but deep down I knew Kevin wasn't trying to seduce me, just being honest.

 

After what seemed like minutes, he lifted his face back up to mine. Kevin was sweet, smart, talented, very attractive and staring me directly in the eyes. Oh my. This boy had such appeal, how could anyone resist? He didn't even realize what he was doing to me! There were only two options for me now. Run away, far away or jump him.

 

Slowly I stood up, analyzing every thought as it passed in my head. My legs moved beneath me, dragging me towards my beacon. When I reached Kevin's bed he was sitting up on the side. His arms lifted and lay lightly on my thighs. He moved them in a caressing motion up and down, just enough to send shivers through me.

 

“Stacy….” It was more of a whisper. He paused as if he had more to say and rubbed his face against my shirt. I didn't move, couldn't move. He kept talking. “I can't believe you came over and into my room.” I snapped my head up and pulled back slightly from his embrace.

 

“What does that mean?” Had I been wrong? Was this just an act to get me down here? He read the emotions clearly on my face.

 

“No! Stacy, I.” He too had pulled away by now and was looking down, embarrassed. “I meant. It's just that you're Stacy Moore. You're beautiful and dating a college guy. Why would you want to be here with me?” Two things stung me in opposite ways. He knew I was dating someone and yet, he wanted me enough to not care. My body relaxed its rigid pose and slumped on the bed next to him.

 

“Do you really think I'm beautiful?” I tried to sound naïve and cute.

 

“Me and about every other guy in school. I'm sure guys are always hitting on you, especially since Robert is away.” His words were lost on me as I tried to focus on the past month. I had been too depressed and lonely to notice anyone. In fact, if Kevin hadn't directly spoken to me, I probably wouldn't have noticed him. I had to turn my attention back to the main issue, Robert.

 

“How do you know I'm still with Robert?”

 

“Mitch is good friends with him and they talk a lot.” I thought I saw the smallest of smiles cross his face as he said `a lot'. “Mitch has already been to see him twice.” It was really hard to keep a straight face as the anger boiled through me. Robert never mentioned this. What was he doing with Mitch? Why hadn't he asked me to come? Images of Mitch and Robert partying with college girls flooded me. Kevin had stopped talking and was waiting for my response. Then a thought occurred to me.

 

“Don't you care?” What did Kevin have to gain by this? He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back on his elbows.

 

“I don't know. For now, I don't think it does, but I don't want to talk about him anymore after today.”

 

“Good. Neither do I. Right now Robert's not here and you are, so we should just keep it you and me.” Suddenly I didn't care that I was negotiating a secret fling. Screw Robert and his college parties. How dare he embarrass me by inviting his friends up to party with him and not me! Kevin looked a little hurt at what I said, so I did the only thing I could to make him forget.

 

I leaned in and kissed him. At first it was weird to feel someone else's lips to mine. They didn't move together like Robert's and mine always did, but it still felt nice. The kiss lasted a long time and I pulled away just as I felt his growing excitement on my lips.

 

“Let's just take it slow, okay?” He blew out a long sigh and nodded.

 

“After that, I probably won't be much use going through lines today.” I knew he was disappointed, but I didn't want to have sex with Kevin. As mad as I was at Robert, I knew that I didn't love Kevin and I didn't want to start having sex with someone I didn't love.

 

On the way home, I had a lot to think about. Robert was making me crazier than ever. Kevin had just declared he was willing to be my `on the side' guy. To top it off, all my worries about the play were coming right back at me. When I got home, everyone had already eaten dinner. Mom yelled that that my plate was in the fridge. I lied and said I already ate. I didn't have time to eat and could probably stand to lose a few pounds if I was going to be performing in front of the whole school, in spandex and competing with college girls for my boyfriend's attention. When I reached my room, I was exhausted. Suddenly nothing else mattered, but forgetting about everything. Sleep was wonderful.

 

3

 

 

The rest of the week went by in a blur of activity. Play practice was every day after school until 4:30, sometimes five. Not everyone needed to be present for the entire practice, but the leads did. Needless to say, my schedule was full. I was very thankful I didn't have to have a job. Many of the kids in the play had to go to work at five or six and literally were staying up all hours to get homework done.

 

Kevin and I didn't talk at all the rest of the week. He caught me looking at him and I saw him looking at me, but neither of us spoke. I was still having an internal debate about whether I really wanted to go through with this. My options seemed pretty straight forward. I could stay alone all the time except for a few weekends and holidays. Robert told me last night he would not be able to come too often until basketball was over. Great! Even more time alone. Or I could be with Kevin. He could just be someone to spend time with and have some sort of intimacy. I never realized how much I needed someone to want me. It may sound stupid, but ever since I was junior high, I always had a boyfriend. I always had someone to compliment me and stare at me with desire. Most of all, I was never alone.

 

So now it was Friday and I couldn't put the Kevin situation off any longer. The entire day, I was going back and forth. Why did Robert have to move away from me? Didn't he know this would happen? He knew me better than anyone else, so how could he rationalize leaving me alone for weeks at a time? If Robert was here, he would be the only thing I would see. I would love him and want him and not spend a moment's thought on Kevin Bailey.

 

But Robert wasn't here and Kevin was. Kevin wanted me enough to not care if I still dated Robert. The only point in the day where my brain stopped thinking about my dilemma was in English class.

 

I happened to be lucky enough to have a class with the Reygas, as we like to call them. We is anyone who is not part of them. The Reygas is a nickname that started in junior high. It is a combination of the two last names of the biggest Mexican families in our school; Reya and Ortega. These weren't the only two Mexican clans in Creston Hills, but they pretty much ran everyone else. Back then, we were all mixed together in class assignments. Now, most of the kids that hung with the Reygas were in lower level classes. But these Reygas were the crème de la crème. Smart, beautiful, and bilingual made them a nuisance for most teachers. Others welcomed the diversity and energy they gave.

 

My English teacher, Mr. Deerfield, was old school all the way. I don't think he was a racist, just a guy who thought `in America we speak English', even though there is no official language. That bit of information I learned when Mr. Deerfield tried to get the Reygas to stop speaking Spanish in his class. Jose Reya said, “Por que? All the other kids are talking. English isn't even the official language in this country,” he spoke with an accent. Which I didn't understand because he was born in America. After a few seconds, he answered the question we were all thinking. “There is no official language in America!” The rest of the Reygas laughed and everyone else just sat there with blank looks on our faces. Mr. Deerfield just got red and kept lecturing. From that day on, I decided to like the Reygas. Which is why this class is so interesting.

 

Through a series of random events, I formed an acquaintance with Maria Rosita Ortega or just Rose for short. Rose was a goddess. She stood 5ft 6, 120 pounds and had long, straight, black hair with big dark brown eyes. The curves of her face were positioned exactly as if she were a Mexican porcelain doll. Most luscious of all, was her full, dark lips. All of these features were set against a beautiful light brown skin color.

 

Since Moore and Ortega are close in the alphabet, I ended up sitting right next to Rose. There was one other Ortega in class, but that was Santos, who sat directly on the other side of Rose. To position me even further into her world, we were assigned a project together. Rose had come to my house a few times and we had sort of a unique alliance. I personally thought the Reygas were all beautiful, fun, and exciting, but there were others who held old family grudges. It is true when people say racism is something passed from father to son, not learned.

 

For me, being placed directly into Rose's life had been a constant wave of unexpected surprises. Rose also happened to be very sweet and nice. Some girls who are pretty automatically dislike any creature that has more beauty than them, but not me, at least not with Rose. She was also witty and outgoing which made her infectious. Even today of all days, I felt my stomach lurch with excitement as I sat down next to Rose.

 

Rose was by far the dearest to the Reygas group. Following her was Jose Reya, who of course was her long time boyfriend. The two of them reigned like king and queen in their world and were among the most popular students in the entire school whether they knew it or not. Everyone seemed to like them even though they were Reygas.

 

Today was peculiar because Rose was being quiet. This was very uncharacteristic of her. Usually she would be full of questions for me about theater, Robert, or class work. She didn't even look at me as I sat down, just kept her face down.

 

“Rose are you okay?” I kept my voice low and glanced quickly at the other Reygas for any possible hints. Jose too seemed to mirror Rose's pose. Something must have happened. “Did something happen with Jose?”

 

“Mind your business chica.” Rose's voice was sharp and her accent came across as very pronounced. I was a little shocked by the tone of her voice. Rose wasn't rude to people, at least not that I had heard. I was glad I had picked up enough Spanish words to know that chica was a term for girl not a bad name.

 

The rest of the hour dragged on. I felt lonely and awkward because my Rose wasn't making me laugh with her side remarks in class. The last few minutes of class, Mr. Deerfield let us chat until the bell. Jose walked over to Rose and stood by her desk. She said something to him in Spanish that I didn't understand, but it seemed like she didn't want to talk to him. So I had been right about Jose being the problem. No one really noticed them except for the other Reygas. They were all still and staring in our direction.

 

Jose launched into a Spanish monologue where I was completely and utterly lost. Rose continued to sit without giving the slightest hint she was listening. Some of the class started to notice and the Reygas were getting nervous. Finally Rose cut him off with a sharp word, again in Spanish. Then she spoke English. Whatever she had to say, she wanted everyone to understand it.

 

“Jose, I can't keep being there for you. You don't want to be tied down and you don't want to let go. I'm letting go. You can have all the white girls you want now.” Her eyes flickered across the room for the briefest of seconds, but it was long enough for me to spot the target. Sweet little Mandy Jackson cowered in her seat. Luckily for Mandy, no one else seemed to catch Rose's glance. Just then, the bell rang.

 

My last two periods were full of buzz. Somehow, people seemed to know that the king and queen Reygas were through. Guys talked about Rose being on the market and girls gushed about Jose liking white girls. What was that anyway? White girls? She said it like there was something wrong with being white. It made me wonder how Rose really felt about me. I didn't have too much time to dwell on this because everyone wanted a play by play from me since I was right there.

 

Before I knew it, it was time for play practice. The initial nerves I felt when getting a lead part were gone, but I was dreading facing Kevin. After witnessing Rose and Jose's spat, I realized the pain I would cause Robert if I cheated on him.

 

Everyone was milling around the stage, waiting for Mrs. Dover to arrive. I spotted Kevin on the far side with a girl I hadn't noticed before. They were talking in their own private world, both with smiles on their faces. He said something funny and she leaned into him slightly putting her hand on his shoulder. Right about here, his eyes flashed up to meet mine. For just one second, I was the only thing he was seeing. It felt like he was daring me to come over and claim him or else.

 

His eyes were back on the girl as was his attention. The plan was working, if indeed it was a plan. I wanted to march across the stage and shove her. Instead, I tried to think about what he wanted from me. If I did that, he might just quit flirting with her and come over to me. Screw that, fight fire with fire.

 

My eyes scanned the stage for a target. Bingo, Shawn Pitt was sitting alone staring at his script. He was attractive enough to be someone I would flirt with, and he was playing one of the lead guys, I wasn't sure which one, but I did have reason for talking to him.

 

I walked over to Shawn and began chatting about the script. He was a little surprised, but happy I was paying attention to him. Even though I felt rusty, it seemed like I was still good at holding a guys interest. I did the typical things I used to do when I was into a guy. My face had a great smile; shoulders were upright with my body leaning in to him. I made the girl Kevin was with look like an amateur.

 

It was hard to tell if this was having any affect on Kevin, because I refused to take my eyes off Shawn. Soon enough, I had an answer. About five minutes after I started talking to Shawn, Kevin interrupted us.

 

“Mrs. Dover wants us to break off and run lines,” his voice was icy. I hadn't heard Mrs. Dover even come in and I wondered if this was just his excuse. I slowly said goodbye to Shawn and followed Kevin to the back of the auditorium. My first reaction was to gloat to myself about my apparent hold on him. But then Kevin slumped into the chair and glared at me.

 

“This isn't going to work Stacy.”

 

“What were you doing with that girl? I thought we had…an arrangement.” He snorted at me and turned to look around the auditorium.

 

“We haven't spoken since Monday. I was trying to find out if you were seriously interested or if you were just bored. As far as the arrangement, I agreed that you having a boyfriend in college wouldn't bother me. But there is no way I'm letting you see other guys that go to school here.” I could feel my entire body entire body jolt with his last statement. It was like I was addicted to Kevin's affection and he'd just given me a hit.

 

“I'm not interested in Shawn,” I used my most sincere voice. “Just a bad attempt to make you jealous.”

 

“Couldn't be that bad, it worked.” His face had softened and the words he spoke were warm again.

 

“I have to see you.” I thought if I seemed dramatic and desperate that would bring him completely back to me.

 

“Mitch is going out with Essie tonight,” he made a face, “so he won't be home until late. Come over around eight.” Mrs. Dover shouted out for us to assemble on stage so our conversation ended.

 

Practice let out late and the parking lot was bare as I practically skipped to my car. Just as I was putting my key in the lock, a voice shouted out at me from the building.

 

“Chica! Wait up!” My whole body shuddered and the keys fell before my body could catch up to the voice that was registering in my brain. Rose was calling me. I paused on the spot, giving her time to race over.

 

“Why are you still at school Rose?”

 

“I'm on the dance team. We don't have tryouts until November, but some of the veterans like to get a couple work outs in a week. But I really wanted to talk to you about today.” This was shocking. My mind was playing out a heart to heart about Jose. Was I really that good of a friend?

 

“I didn't mean you. Honestly, I usually never say anything like that, but Jose made me so mad.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“When I was talking about the white girl. I thought maybe you might be offended.”

 

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I was. It was weird to hear you say something like that. The rest of the Rey.. your friends always talk like that, but not you.”

 

“I know. I'm so sorry Stacy. I really like you and I shouldn't have let it get to me like that. We're always complaining about the haters in this town and look at me.”

 

“It wasn't that bad Rose. I doubt anyone cared.”

 

“I care.” I felt an impulse to reach out and touch Rose's hair and place it out of her face. How could anyone be so decent? “What are you doing tonight? Are you going to see Robert this weekend?”

 

“No. He hasn't asked me to visit yet, but he's already had his friends up a couple times.” It wasn't hard to sound disappointed, because I definitely was.

 

“Cabron.”

 

“What did you say?” She repeated the word, slowly.

 

“Cav-ron. It just a way to say he's a jerk. Maybe he's no good for you anymore.” I suddenly felt an urge to ask for Rose's advice, though she may be biased seeing how her boyfriend was cheating on her.

 

“I'm meeting someone else tonight. I feel really terrible, but I don't want to be alone anymore. Am I the worst person ever?” She didn't look mad, which was a relief. It felt good to be able to talk to someone.

 

“Stacy, you can do whatever you want. Robert knows you, he should know better than to neglect to. But if you want my opinion, you should just end it with Robert. Don't look like that. Right now, Robert might be cheating on you or everything he's been telling you could just be the truth. If you go to this other guy tonight, he won `t forgive you when he finds out and he will find out” I couldn't be mad at her, she was just giving me what I'd asked for without judgment. Rose was a true friend.

 

“Thanks Rose. It's a lot to think about. I know I won't end it with Robert. Losing him would be devastating. I've got to go. Good luck with Jose.” She made a face.

 

“Jose. Jose who?” She spat off something in Spanish and I didn't bother to ask her what she had said. I needed to get away.

 

I had a couple hours to think to myself before I needed to meet Kevin. There didn't seem to be much to think about though. Kevin was here and Kevin wanted me. Not to mention I really wanted him. If we were careful, Robert wouldn't know, unless I find out Robert has cheated. Then I will be the first to tell him. That was a positive. If I was seeing Kevin, I wouldn't be the stupid girl who got cheated on like Rose. As soon as I had the thought, I mentally slapped myself. I was just lethal to everyone. I couldn't even have a friend without sabotaging that.

 

The clock read seven forty. Everything I would need for the night was packed and I slung it over my shoulder. After saying goodnight to my parents and promising to call when I got to Rose's house, I left for Kevin's.

 

With my car stashed safely a few streets away, I made my way towards the woods that would lead to Kevin's back door. He was waiting for me in the dark door way. Silently, we stole through the basement and into his room. Once we were safely behind closed doors he spoke.

 

“You look really good.” This I already knew, but he was off to a good start by telling me. “What do you want to do?” His arms were already around me and he was leaning into me. I held still while he kissed me lightly at first. It wasn't too long before I my body was responding without my consent. Kevin immediately became frantic with his kisses and pulled me over to his bed. Things were going very fast and it was dark because Kevin never bothered to turn on the lights.

 

“Kevin.” My tone was what all teenage boys dread to hear. It's what I like to call the virgin tone. The tone a virgin gets when her boyfriend starts to push things too far. I was no virgin, but I wouldn't sleep with Kevin. That part of me would be saved for Robert. Like any teenage boy, Kevin pressed on pretending to be too in the moment to hear me. Again I repeated it to him and this time I pulled back by putting my hands on his shoulders. Finally, he relented and rolled over letting a huge rush of air out at the same time.

 

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to just stop? I can't turn it off, no guy can.” He was definitely irritated with me.

 

“Well I'm not going to sleep with you tonight!” How easy was he expecting me to be?

 

“We don't have to have sex Stacy.” He paused for a moment to let that sink in. “There are other things you could do.” It's a good thing he couldn't see me because my mouth was hanging open in shock. Then Kevin was on me again, pleading. “Stacy, please. You have no idea how uncomfortable it is. Once it gets this far, I can't just make it go away.” With the faint light from the window, I could see his eyes. They were crazy with desire, for me. It was such a turn on and I suddenly realized I wanted to do what he was asking of me almost as much as he wanted it. I sighed a little and quickly finished what he had started.

 

When it was over he was grinning from ear to ear. `Boys' I thought. They're all the same.

 

4

 

I continued seeing Kevin for weeks. During play rehearsal we were able to relax a little. No one here would be suspicious of us; to them we looked like two people in character all the time. We never spoke outside of practice. Robert, I knew, had spies in our school. Mitch was probably the most prime candidate for this position. This fact only complicated things for Kevin and me, and led to our dates being dependent on Mitch and Essie's schedule. They seemed pretty hot for each other, even after dating for years, so we saw each other frequently.

 

Robert and I talked on the phone every night and he came home for one Saturday during all this. After giving him the third degree for having his friends up, we planned a trip for me. The only time Robert had free was Friday night. I would have to ditch practice to be able to see him for a couple hours before heading home. Our performances were in two weeks, the weekend before homecoming and the week leading up to it, which made this a bad time to play hooky. It would only be an argument if I spoke to Kevin about it, so I slipped out of school before he spotted me.

 

The drive to Morris felt longer than ever, but it gave me time to think. If I had to choose between seeing Kevin or Robert, there was no competition. When I was with Robert, everything filled up inside me. It may have been the emptiness his absence in my life left that caused me to keep spending time with Kevin. One of the effects of my choice was extreme guilt. Between guilt for Robert and the stress of the upcoming performance, being idle was almost unbearable. Most of my eating occurred when I was alone and every time I was alone I felt sick. Suffice to say, I didn't eat much. In fact, I had only had an apple and diet coke all day. I made a mental note to keep my eyes open for a fast food place.

 

It was a bit of a shock at how much weight had come off in those few weeks. I know I should feel upset with myself, but I really looked great. My worry about how I would look in spandex pants was low on my list of things to dread. At the top of list of things to be happy about was seeing Robert. Finally, a McDonald's sign came up and I took the exit.

 

What I should have done was order a nice big value meal with lots of calories. This would be my last meal of the day. Instead, I ordered a side salad and a parfait. Now that fitting into my costume, and looking good in it, was a possibility, I wouldn't be taking any chances.

 

I ate all of the parfait, but gave up on the salad since it required a fork. I was having a hard enough time just driving. Why did they get rid of the Salad Shaker? The closer I got to Morris, the more nervous I became. What if someone had told him? He sounded funny on the phone, could that be why? Over and over the same thoughts went through my head and I almost lost what little food I did eat.

 

Finally, I was there. This time, the streets were not crowded with students but decorated with the colors of the college. A few students mingled around, but classes had been long over. Much to my own surprise, I found his dorm without much effort. Once I parked, I whipped out my cell phone and sent a text telling him I was there. Within minutes he was bounding across the parking lot.

 

Hesitantly, I slid out of the car. Robert scooped me up and kissed me a long, hard kiss. When I pulled back to look at him, his eyes danced. He practically dragged me into his dorm room and locked the door.

 

An hour later, we were finally talking. He wanted to just sit around for the next couple hours and I wanted to see the campus. After he steered me out of this idea, it occurred to me why he didn't want me in public.

 

“Are you embarrassed to be dating me? Does anyone even know about us?!” I could feel the overwhelming flare that was coming over my entire body. He picked a night when most students were out, away from the dorm rooms. His roommate had gone home for the weekend. It all made sense now. I stood up before he could answer and was walking to the door in moments.

 

“Stay, no!” He was behind me in an instant with his arms pinned across my body. “I swear it's not that. I just want to see you. I don't want to lose one second with you. There really isn't anyone for you to meet anyway. I have just a few friends. That's why Mitch comes up here” I turned to face him, wanting to believe his words.

 

His face was inches from mine, frozen in a state of utter concern. My stomach twisted and my heart began to thump loudly in my chest. Everything about him pointed toward honesty, but I couldn't let it go. It might mean two hours of fighting, but I couldn't leave here without being positive he was still being faithful.

 

“You're not telling me everything. If you really want me to stay, tell me what you and Mitch have been doing.” He didn't have a response. I expected him to deny and profess his faithfulness again and again until I was sure. But instead, he went over and sat on the bed and put his head between is knees.

 

“Why do you have to make this so hard? It's already hard enough Stacy!” This came out as almost a shout. His demeanor had completely changed into something defeated. “I don't invite you up here, because you do this. I'm torn between getting laid and dealing with this.” He waved his hands fanatically in my direction. I was so shocked and hurt at his brutal honesty that I couldn't speak. My silence, he took as an indication to continue. “You're right about the women though.” My heart sank to the floor, but I didn't dare move for fear his confessions would stop. “They are attractive and easy, but I never take them home. I'm keeping my end of the promise. It's nearly unbearable. Don't look at me like that. I had to go from sex almost every day to a couple times a month if I'm lucky, and all the time, sexy college girls are always in front of me, ready and willing.” My adrenaline supply had run out and all I could do was sink into the bed across from him. I knew it. But I couldn't hate him. This was the absolute truth and it was nowhere near as betraying as what I was doing at home. It was probably the first and only rational thought I would have tonight.

 

“Why bother?” I spoke in barely a whisper keeping my eyes focused on the widows, away from Robert. “Why haven't you ended it?” He finally pulled his head out of his hands and looked at me perplexed.

 

“I love you Stacy. I hate the jealousy and insecurity, but I'll deal with it all because I can't lose you. Haven't I proved that? Haven't I kept my promise? Not because I feel guilty but because I really do want to marry you. I want you to join me here when you graduate just like we planned and everything will be okay.” He spoke as if this was common knowledge and I was a moron for doubting him.

 

“But you said it yourself; I'm terrible when we are together. I'm driving you crazy and you're sex deprived and. . .” I couldn't bring myself to repeat the other things he had confessed to me.

 

“That's not you. I know that. I know you Stacy and that is the person I want to be with. The only thing that keeps me out of those other girls beds is knowing that they are nothing compared to what I already have.” He lifted off his bed and came over to sit next to me, putting his arm around me, pulling me to him.

 

“No no no.” I swept myself up and turned on him. “You can't just tell me all these horrible things and expect things to be fine. I can't just forgive you for wanting other women. You may not do anything with them, but they're in your thoughts when you come back here and go to bed. They're the ones you go to parties with and sit next to in class. They know what you do every day and who you are now and I don't! Not to mention the fact that the only reason you want me here is to have sex!” Now it was my turn to scream at him. Finally the reaction I should have had ten minutes ago was brewing its way to surface. And then I went for the gut and said the unthinkable. “What do you expect me to do when I go home and those thoughts are in my head!”

 

This got an immediate reaction. He was up and in my face before new thoughts had time to form in my head. “What the hell does that mean Stacy?” Panic, panic, panic set in again. Would my face tell him everything? I guess so. “What have you done Stacy?” Fear was laced into each of his words. I looked at his eyes. He didn't believe it, couldn't believe that I would be the one to be unfaithful. But I didn't say anything, maybe I would finally be rid of this burden. Maybe he could forgive me.

 

“Oh my god. Oh my god Stacy!” He fell onto the bed and rolled into himself. The combination of his sobs and body convulsions weakened me and I knew I couldn't go through with it. Finally I could see how much I meant to him, he really couldn't lose me.

 

“No Robert, no. I swear I didn't do anything.” I rushed to his side and wrapped myself around him. He shoved me away and ordered me out. But I wasn't going anywhere. I held him tighter and pressed myself into his shoulders. “I promise you, I love you Robert. I was so mad at what you said about the girls that I wanted to hurt you. Hurt you bad. I'm sorry. Please. Please, there's only you baby, only you.” He was slowing a bit and my words were sinking in to him. I had to do more. I began kissing him everywhere I could reach. “Please stop. I would never. You're everything to me, that's why I'm so crazy with jealousy. Please, I need you Robert.” As my kissing increased, his body calmed and he stopped crying. But I didn't stop. Instead I said, “right now, Robert, please.” That did it. He turned into me and we didn't speak again, until I said goodbye.

 

 

On the way home, I thought about how to deal with Kevin. He had to know it would end with him on the outside looking in, right? There was never any hope I would abandon Robert for him. Maybe he was holding out to get me into bed. Ugh. I was a coward. I sent him a text, trying to find out where he was. At home, no Mitch. Okay, that's where I would go. It was safe as anywhere. Part of me wanted to just text, it's over, but I knew that would be really low. But hey, can't get much lower than me these days. Then I remembered I still had to see him every day for the next two weeks. Better just get it over with.

 

Sneaking through the alley, down around the back to his room was common to me that I had no problem maneuvering in the dark. Kevin stood, as usual, in the doorframe, beckoning me in with his look. Silently we went down the hall to his room. Everything here was so natural. How had that happened? How could being with someone other than Robert feel normal? I was prepared for this. My mind flashed to the image of Robert huddled on the bed sobbing. Just in time too, because Kevin was getting pretty familiar with my top. I shook him of.

 

“It has to stop.” Better to just get it out there, like ripping off a band aid.

 

“Why? Why now?” How could I get into everything? Just then, his phone vibrated. He reached for it and read the text. I was pretty damn curious to see that text, he held the oddest expression. I couldn't tell if he was mad or glad.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Essie. Well, Mitch. She needs help with him.” He stood up and searched for his jacket. Were we done? It was almost like the magical text message had erased my earlier words.

 

“Did you hear me?” He sighed and sat down.

 

“I guess I knew you would do this. I can't compete with the guy you love.” Again he got up and went towards the door. Then another text came. He grimaced and looked at me. “Can you give me a lift? She doesn't want to leave him and I'll get caught if I take my parents car.” Sure why not! I mentally slapped myself. How could I expect anything about us to be as important as his brother. So I just nodded and joined him.

 

A few minutes later, we were pulling onto Malcom's street. Thank god I didn't have to go to those parties anymore. I parked far away so we wouldn't be spotted together. Then a thought occurred to me. “Who will you tell her gave you a ride?”

 

“Probably Chase, he usually does.” His hand was on the handle, but he paused when he felt my hand on his leg. I wanted something to remember him by. He caught on quick and leaned into me. The kiss went on and on and I was wondering if this was what I really wanted. Finally I broke away and let him go. Essie came into view a few houses down so I slid down in my seat. She didn't see me, she only had eyes for Kevin. Within seconds I was a distant memory and Essie was filling his world. He put his arm around her and led her towards the house. “Damsel in distress,” I muttered and pulled away from the curb and away from Kevin Bailey.

 

 

5

 

Opening night. Who is ever not nervous on opening night? Even though I was literally insane with anger last night when Robert said it was either this weekend or next weekend that he would come home, I was a little glad now. If I trip, forget my lines, miss a note in my solo, he won't see it. But I still don't forgive him for making me choose between Homecoming and him being able to see my first theater performance. Okay, that sounded a little dramatic, but this had been important to me. Aside from all the business with Kevin, this had been really great. I was already looking forward to auditioning for the next play.

 

A knock at the door snapped me out of my pity party and back to the problem at hand. I was about to go on stage for the first time in my life. One last time, I stared at myself in the mirror. Everything was perfect. My face was decorated with dark red lipstick, bright eye shadow and pink cheeks. The pants I had dreaded fitting into looked stunning. It would have been nice to have lost a little more weight, but I'd only had so much time. The knock came again, a little more stressed this time. What was the deal? We still had thirty minutes until curtain call.

 

The room was small, I was sharing it with the other pink ladies, but they were nowhere to be seen. It didn't take me long to get the door and thrust it open. Oh. Kevin was standing there, a wry smile on his lips.

 

“What?”

 

“I was right.”

 

“About what?”

 

“The hair.” His arm reached to my hair and flicked a small brown curl. I did have to wear a wig after all.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kevin looked attractive in his white t-shirt, leather jacket, and tight blue jeans. It would be easy to play Rizzo to his Kinik. He caught me looking at him like that and spat out why he was here.

 

“I thought we could spot check a few places. You can never be too ready, right?” Leave it to Kevin Bailey to want to be perfect. For the first time, I wondered about his family out there tonight. I was always extremely conscious of Mitch as his brother, but I had never given thought about anyone else. They would all be out there watching him. This naturally led to my own family in the crowd. Robert's parents were coming for our one performance during the week, so they wouldn't be there. My mom had requested this night off weeks ago and my dad would no doubt be absent. Kevin's voice brought me back around.

 

“Am I being too anal?”

 

“No. Sorry, just butterflies, you know.”

 

“Not really. Performing doesn't make me nervous, but that doesn't me it shouldn't be right. I really want to sell it as much as possible.”

 

“You're too perfect Kevin.” I regretted as soon as I said it. The change in his eyes was instantaneous, almost as if a light had been switched on. Before I could stop him, he was connected to me via my mouth. It was hard not to kiss back, but he didn't stop and I wasn't strong enough to fight it. Before I knew it, my butt was on the dressing table, legs wrapped around Kevin and his arms holding me against him. Finally he pulled away.

 

“Don't look so guilty Stace. I was contemplating whether or not to do this; your comment just put it into motion. But honestly, I bet I would have done it anyway.” He smirked for the second time tonight and I felt hopeless. “Now that I think about it, we don't need to run those lines, we're definitely good.” With that, he crept toward the door but stopped short. “I'm not so sure I'm going to give you up without a fight now. I won't be able to forget a kiss like that.” Then he left and I was even more nervous.

 

Before leaving my room, I reminded myself for that last time that Rizzo was just a side plot in the Sandy-Danny show. No one would really notice me or Kevin. Then I walked out. Two hours later, my entire life was in shambles.

 

As soon as the curtain closed, I dropped Kevin's hand and smashed my fists into him with all my might.

 

“What the hell was that? There is no kiss scripted in play!” Part of me was putting on show for anyone listening. The other part was completely freaking out because I knew at least Mitch had seen that and god knows who else. How the hell could I explain this?

 

“I was in the moment. It seemed like something the characters would do.” There were so many other things I wanted to say, but with others listening and watching, I couldn't take the chance. Instead I walked away.

 

I didn't get far. Robert was waiting for me at the edge of the stage. Once his presence was noted, I froze and I thought everyone else did too. He was holding flowers in his arms. With tact and grace, he came to me quickly and wrapped me up in his arms.

 

“That was wonderful!” I felt his lips brush against my cheek and his arm circle my waist. His breath was warm in my ear and his arm held me in a sudden death lock. “What the fuck was that?” We were walking away from the crowd and everyone had resumed what they were doing. Robert kept a smile on his face. Thank god he was the mature one out of the two of us.

 

We stopped at the dressing room, just long enough for me to get my things. All the time, he had not said a word. When we emerged, his parents and my mom were waiting. They were all congratulatory, but all wondering the same thing, but all too afraid to say anything. A few minutes later, my mom said goodbye. She had decided to go into work after all, just late. Robert told his parents he was riding home with me and would be home later. Then we were alone.

 

“I don't want to do this here. Let's get to your house.” The rest was automatic. Robert acted as if things were just great until we were out of view. Then he scowled until we reached my room. During this time, I had formulated several explanations for what had happened. I settled on the one with the most truth to it.

 

“Kevin's a perfectionist. He got lost in the moment. I promise that's not how we rehearsed it and I had no idea he was going to do that. Believe me I let him know that was not okay.” It came out as if Kevin was a villain and I was an innocent pawn.

 

“No.” That's all he said. What did that mean? I searched his face for some hint about what he could be thinking. Maybe he'd heard a rumor and dismissed it until now. I decided to keep playing innocent.

 

“Robert you can't be mad at me for something I couldn't control. Who knew Kevin was capable of something like that. I doubt he was setting out to destroy our relationship.” Realization suddenly dawned on me. Kevin knew Robert was coming. Robert would have told Mitch. Mitch could have told Kevin. He was fighting for me. The jolt of excitement that shot through me was squashed in its tracks as I took in Robert's face.

 

“That wasn't your first kiss.” He was faltering now, the words barely audible. How could he tell? What had I done when he kissed me that gave it way? I replayed the kiss again and analyzed every movement. The time it took me to do this gave Robert his fuel to keep going.

 

“What the hell Stacy? You think because you guys are acting like lovers in a play that you can do it in real life?!”

 

“I already told you, I didn't know what he was doing. We haven't been messing around Robert.” Nothing was going to make me tell him the truth. As long as I denied it, he would doubt.

 

“Yeah, sure. Mitch mentioned you had been over practicing lines, but what were you really doing?”

 

“Now you're just acting crazy. It was just a stupid play, a stupid on the spot kiss. Please stop this.” I came to him for the first time and put my arms around his shoulders. He sat rigid, refusing to move. There was a struggle going on inside him, but I couldn't see what it was. Obviously he didn't have any evidence, so why was he doubting me? Finally, he did something.

 

“It wasn't the first time you kissed him. I know that for sure.” His hands gently grabbed my wrists and pulled them away. In the same motion he stood up. Already he was heading for the door.

 

“What are you talking about? How can you just assume?” For the first time, real fear was swelling the surface. When Robert turned to me, his eyes were wet.

 

“Stacy, I've kissed you a thousand times. I know everything there is to know about kissing you. When he kissed you. . .” He broke off, turning his face away from me. A moment later, he continued. “The way you kissed him, was like you'd done it a hundred times before. It was. . natural.” His eyes met mine and I was speechless. My brain was frantically trying to figure out how to prove him wrong, but everything was blank. The horror of my actions were crashing down around me.

 

My comatose state was awakened by pounding and screaming. Robert was pounding his fist against my bedroom door.

 

 

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!! WHY STACY WHY?” He stopped pounding and slid down to the floor. Compulsively I went to comfort him. “Don't! Don't touch me. As angry as I am, I don't want to hurt you physically.” Say something, say something, my brain was shouting.

 

“He's nothing Robert. I love you and I want you. He's nothing.” It was all I could think to say. Denying it really wasn't an option anymore. Suddenly he was still.

 

“Get away from me Stacy. We're over. We're done.” The tears were gone and his face was no longer bright read. Without looking at me he stood and left, and I was slumped on the floor alone.

 

That night was the worst of my life. The crying didn't stop. I had ruined my entire life because I didn't want to be alone. Then other thoughts came into my head. Thoughts like, Robert never should have left. He left me first and more like that continued until I heard a knock at my window. Hope jumpstarted my heart until it dawned on me that Robert would have walked through the front door. I pushed the curtains aside and saw Kevin. Reluctantly, I let him. This was going to look great if Robert was staking my house out.

 

“Don't worry, he left awhile ago.” Was he a mind reader in addition to all his other wonderful talents?

 

“What do you want? Haven't you done enough?”

 

“I was worried about you. Come on. I could have broken you guys up weeks ago. That kiss was just meant to. . .”

 

“To what?!” I didn't let him finish. All the emotions I had felt tonight focused into anger.

 

 

“To make you argue. I never dreamed he would assume a stupid play kiss was anything else. How did he know anyway? Did you tell him?”

 

“Wait a minute. How do you know we broke up?”

 

“Robert told Mitch. Mitch is really pissed at me, but he doesn't blame me. He thinks you're hot by the way. Sorry. He just meant that, I'm not friends with Robert, so why should I have cared that you two were dating. It's good to know his loyalties are with me, even when it has to do with his best friend. He tried to get me to tell him exactly what was going on, but I wouldn't.” That was at least one good thing. Robert wasn't sure exactly how far it all had gone.

 

“He said I kissed you like I had done it a hundred times before. Now will you go?” The anger was gone and I just wanted to be alone so I could cry. Kevin looked like he was going to leave, so I crawled back into bed.

 

“Tell me you don't care about me. Tell me the last couple months you were using me to keep your mind off Robert being away. Then I can go and I won't think about you anymore.” I forced my eyes shut. This was too much. Kevin had always been a cute guy who wanted me. But then I remembered the way I felt when I thought he was willing to fight for me. He had crossed the imaginary line we had created when our relationship formed. My answer was taking too long and he was leaving. Without another thought, I jumped out of bed and went to him. Tonight I wasn't cheating. I didn't have to feel guilty. Tonight it could be just us without the lingering thoughts that I had someone else to go home to.

 

He caught me in his arms and we had passion that was never allowed before. Right now he was my one and only and I was his. There was no telling where this night would go.

 

 

6

 

The next day was Sunday and we were to perform our afternoon showing. This performance was the best Kevin and I had ever had. There was no fear of making it too real or having something show through. And at the end when he kissed me, I really kissed back. Kevin's face was blissful when we pulled away. It was almost enough to dent the inner pain that was eating away at me.

 

As per my request, no one suspected us of being a couple. There was no way I could let anyone know I had just hopped on to someone else. Plus I didn't want to hurt Robert any more. If he heard that Kevin and I were a couple, he would assume the absolute worst and I was still hoping to spare him as much as I could. One result of this decision was that I would be sitting at home on homecoming night and Kevin would be going with a girl who had asked him weeks ago. None other than the girl he had once used to make me jealous. I still didn't know her name. But what could I do or say? So I said nothing.

 

During the week leading up to Homecoming there was a lot of things going on. The school was abuzz with pep rallies, homecoming floats, the parade, and the football game. Not to mention we were scheduled to have two more performances, one of which was during the day for the students. We had agreed to leave the kiss out. I wasn't leaving anything to chance. When the end dance came for all of the cast, I stayed an arm's length away from Kevin.

 

When the curtain closed Wednesday night, I felt like it was the end of something big. The play had been my distraction from Robert's absence. Kevin had played a major part of that. What would things be like now? I couldn't be seen at Kevin's or Mitch would be the first one to tell Robert. It hadn't occurred to us to really thing that far ahead.

 

After the performance, Kevin and I made plans for me to come over on Friday. Mitch was going to visit Robert. Big surprise there. My stomach tightened when Kevin told me about their plans. I had no right to feel the way I felt. I had cheated and betrayed him and now I was sick with jealously of all the things he would be doing. Things he had thought about for months and now he was free to do them all. I shook the mental pictures away and tried to think of anything else.

 

The rest of the week dragged on and on, especially Friday. Kids had faces painted and lockers everywhere were decorated. It was depressing to listen to my friends talk about homecoming. Even Rose had a date. I don't even know what was going on there. She still wasn't speaking to Jose, which was putting a major rift in the Reygas. There seemed to be quite a lot of tension going on lately which was a bit surprising. I really didn't think their break up would have had such an effect and last for weeks.

 

After what seemed like the longest day of school, I was free to go home and wallow a bit before I was due at Kevin's. The entire time I laid on my bed thinking about the worst possible scenarios involving Robert and slutty college chicks. How many times had I reached for my phone to try to make things right? In the end, I knew he wouldn't forgive me. Nothing would ever go back for us. This was the main reason I chose to keep seeing Kevin. I didn't want to be alone. That was the whole problem in the first place. There was no way I would sit at home night after night while Robert was making up for lost time.

 

After trying to push some food into my stomach, I grabbed a few things and left for Kevin's. Kevin was playing video games when I arrived. Boys and their damn video games. An hour later, he had pried himself away. By now it was after 8:00 and Kevin was up to his usual hormonal self, but I was in no mood. I was about to give in when my phone rang. It was Robert. Kevin saw the name flash before I could grab my phone. There was no way I was ditching this phone call like I knew Kevin wanted me to do. Instead I jumped up and went out to the family room.

 

“Hey.” There was a long pause. I could hear that he was still on the line. In the far background of his breathing was music. So my worst thoughts were true, he was partying. But he was also calling me. Why? To rub it in?

 

“How long has it been going on?” Uh oh. I knew that voice. Robert was not sober. You would think that after everything I would have learned that to just be honest. But no, I couldn't let go of the idea he might take me back someday.

 

“There really wasn't anything going on.”

 

“Stacy, I swear if you keep lying to me, I will hang up and make myself forget you.”

 

“Since I made the play,” I spat it out almost as soon as he finished.

 

“What did you guys do?”

 

“Nothing really. Just hung out in his room and worked on the lines.” He may have sounded like he had been drinking, but his line of thinking seemed perfectly clear.

 

“You weren't just running lines Stacy. At some point you started kissing him and god knows what else.”

 

“There was nothing else I swear.” Silence on the other line. I could still hear music, so I knew he hadn't hung up yet. It was now or never. “I missed you so much and everything was so empty. I just wanted someone to take my mind off you, and I'd convinced myself you were going out with other girls too. But he means nothing, I swear. I love you, you mean everything.”

 

“If I meant everything, you wouldn't be screwing around with Kevin Bailey. You were so worried about me cheating on you and here you are the whole time cheating on me. Just so we're clear, I didn't cheat on you. Since we started dating, I have never messed around with anyone else.” Now I truly believed I had hit a new high on my guilt meter. Despite what I did, he still hadn't tried to get even or be with another girl. More than ever I knew I had to keep as much of the truth as I could away from him.

 

“It wasn't like that. It was more like just good friends. He kissed me a few times and I let him because when I did I wasn't so sad anymore. You don't know how hard it's been to be here all alone. You have basketball and school to keep you busy. All I had was the play and Kevin and I were. . .”

 

“Don't say you and Kevin like that! This was a bad idea, calling. I can't forget Stacy, and I can't just let it go.” The line went dead and so did my heart. Everything he had said to me made me love him so much more. Now it was easy to see that he had been faithful and that he had truly been deeply in love with. Nothing would fix us and I had lost my true love forever.

 

I stayed in the room for another ten minutes until I could control the sobbing. When I went back into Kevin's room, he was sitting on the bed, hands folded under his chin.

 

“That was a pretty long conversation. I take it he's not going to forgive you based on the way you look right now.” He spoke in a flat even tone. I shook my head. “So you wanted him to forgive you?”

 

“Robert and I have been together for a long time and we were planning on getting married.”

 

“You were planning on marring him someday?! But yet, you were coming to me at the same time. I mean nothing to you, but you're willing to risk your future marriage by sneaking around with me?” He'd been listening. “You're either completely nuts or full of shit.” That one got under my skin just a little.

 

“First of all, I didn't think he would find out. Second, you do mean something to me, but I can't tell him that. Third, it doesn't matter anymore; he's not going to forgive me.”

 

“It's really great to know I mean something to you, especially after last night.” That was a pretty low blow, but the last thing I wanted to do was lose him too so I reigned in my anger.

 

“Please Kevin. Try to understand how hard it's going to be for me get over him.” Before he could respond his phone rang. He looked at it for a minute and said, “figures.”

 

“Hello. Where?” He glanced at me for a moment. “Give me twenty minutes.” As soon as he hung up the phone I was grilling him.

 

“Who was that and where are you going?”

“Essie.” I threw my hands up and made growling noise. “Mitch is pretty wasted and she needs me help her bring him home.”

 

“But you already knew he was there so why were you acting like you didn't?”

 

“Essie is fragile. There is only so much she can take.” There was a weird moment right after he spoke that I saw something very strange behind his eyes. Just like that, I knew. All those times she had called him came into my memory. Every time he talked to her he got that look. It was only very recently that he'd had that look with me and only once. He looked at me like that when I `d asked him to stay Saturday night at my house.

 

“Don't try to change the subject. If Kevin had decided to forgive you, what would you do?”

 

“It doesn't matter because he's not.” I just wanted this conversation to be over. I crossed the room and put my arms around him, trying to pull him into me. But he stayed rigid.

 

“I was just someone to make you feel good and keep your mind off him. I'm pretty stupid. I was actually starting to think you had feelings for me. Even now, you're a completely different person with me. When he called you, your whole body came alive and when you walked back in here it was dead again. Well I'm not going to be that guy for you anymore.”

 

“Don't act like you were falling in love with me when it's pretty clear who you are in love with.”

 

“Yeah. Who am I in love with?” He had gone completely sarcastic now.

 

“Essie Akers.” I'm not sure at what point I had formed this conclusion in my head, but any doubt I may have had was gone when I saw the look on his face. Quickly, he recovered.

 

“Essie has been dating my brother for three years. She's part of the family. I'm not in love with her.” Yes he was. What an idiot. This was going to be even worse than what I had done to Robert. I just prayed Essie never figured it out. She wouldn't have much of a choice. Who wouldn't want Kevin over Mitch? “You need to go unless you want her to see you here.” He handed me my stuff and we headed out the door.

 

At the top of the hill I turned to tell him to call me when he got back, but Essie was there, gawking at us. She wore an expression somewhere between shock and annoyance. Kevin didn't even look at me as walked to her car. No one existed when Essie was there. I could feel the scowl on my face, but I didn't care. This girl was taking away the one person I had that could keep me from falling into my pit of depression. Then they were gone.

 

I went home and went straight to bed. When I woke up, it was early morning and a surprise was waiting for me. Robert was staring down at me from my computer chair.

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

“Not long. I had to wait until I could drive. But I'm going crazy and I need you to tell me the truth.”

 

“Okay. I promise I will.”

 

“Did you sleep with him?”

 

“No. No one but you.” He relaxed a little bit.

 

“If you had, there'd be no way I could ever forgive you.”

 

“Robert please. I want us, I want all of the things we talked about. I just got scared that you would leave me.” I had risen to be as close to him as the bed allowed, not caring about my hair or my morning breath.

 

“What happens when you get scared again or you thinking I'm cheating?”

 

“Then I'll be scared. I'll stay home every night. I'll do whatever you want, just please forgive me.” I had come completely out of the covers and he wasn't looking at my face anymore. His eyes were all over the exposed pieces of my body. I knew exactly what he was thinking and moved my legs to open slightly. It seemed like a simple change in position, but I knew what it would do for him, especially since I only wore a t-shirt and underwear to bed. The way he was staring at me made me truly believe he hadn't cheated, even after last weekend. It had been a while since we had last had sex and he needed it. Now.

 

I came even closer to him and kissed him lightly. He didn't want to give in and respond, but I was making it impossible for him to leave me. Two minutes later, he was just as bare as me and putting us both back into bed.

 

Once he was finished proving I was only his, more questions came. Why? How many times did I see him? How long did I stay? Exactly how many kisses? Did anything else ever happen? Did I care about him? Does anyone else know? We went rounds for about two hours going over nearly every day I had spent away from him until finally he was satisfied.

 

“I don't see how I can't forgive you. This week has been the worst of my life. Mostly because of how much it hurts to know you had kissed someone else. But more because my life was empty without you. I know we don't see each other a lot, but my whole world revolves around you anyway.” Never in my life had I heard words sweeter than those. But he had more to say. “You should know I did try. I saw other girls and thought about talking to them, but in the end I stopped myself.” He gathered me close in his arms before he finished his speech. “There isn't anyone else I want to be close with and to think about it just makes me feel wrong.”

 

By the end, I had tears flowing out of me and we were holding each other so tightly. I whispered to him, “I'm so sorry. . . I can't believe I almost lost you.” Somehow is hold came even tighter and I felt tears that weren't mine on the side of my face.

 

“Stacy. Please don't do this again. I'd have to leave you and that would be harder than anything else I've ever tried to do.” I promised and I meant it with everything that I was. No one would ever come between us again no matter how many miles separated us. I would wait two years and then we would be together. Right now there was no doubt in my mind at my own ability to be faithful. I would never lose this man.