Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ The Striplings ❯ Stacy and Robert; Missteps ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter 7: Winter

 

Robert and Stacy: Missteps

 

“Thanks for coming up.” I was supposed to go this weekend to take Stacy to homecoming, but that wasn't happening anymore. Mitch was going to keep me company tonight and give me a ride home tomorrow because my parents still wanted to see me. Mitch liked coming up to Morris to party. He didn't have to worry about Essie getting pissed because he wanted to get drunk, and I think he felt better about drinking because that's all any one does on the weekend here.

 

“Hey, you know I like coming up here. Plus I feel bad about not catching on a little sooner. I still don't understand why Kevin would mess around with a girl who's taken, but whatever I guess.” As if he would have told me. Mitch cared about Kevin more than anyone else, so the last thing he would do is create an enemy. He probably knew about and just played dumb. I couldn't blame the guy for choosing a brother over a friend.

 

“I know I shouldn't be mad at your brother because he was only doing what most guys would do in that situation, but I really don't want to see his face if I don't have to.”

 

“Right, so where are we going?”

 

“I thought we'd hang out here. I bought some drinks for the occasion. Then I want to head over to this frat I wanted to pledge. They invited me to a party tonight.”

 

By the time we made it there, Mitch was drunk and already calling Essie. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him. He wants to get away from her for the night, but he has to hear her voice at least once. Then again, I just hung up the phone on Stacy. What the hell is wrong with me? A case of drunk dialing I suppose on both our parts. I just couldn't stand not knowing what they did and being not sober made it easier to ask her. But I wasn't ready, everything she said made me want to get away from her. When I got off the phone with her, Mitch told me Essie was really pissed and asking lots of questions.

 

“Why did you do that? Now she's going to come running up here?”

 

“Honestly,” he paused taking another long drink of beer. “If I tell her what I'm doing. . . I won't be tempted to cheat on her.” That was a good idea, but why was he even thinking about cheating? “I don't think about cheating. . . but I do really stupid things when I drink, but you already know that.” I sure did.

 

“So Essie's coming?”

 

“Yeah and she might bring Kevin. Sorry dude.”

 

“Damn it Mitch. I should just leave your ass.” There was no way to avoid the confrontation. We were already at the party, so I left Mitch. Stacy's cheating voice was still in my head and I just wanted to get over it. Lucky for me, this was just the place to do it. I was a free man now, I could do what I wanted.

 

A couple hours later, I'd settled on a girl that reminded me of Stacy. I know that's stupid, but I couldn't resist this little blond thing. She had tight jeans and a tank top. I still wasn't sure what her name was, Lila or Lily. Things were going very good and Stacy was far from my mind. Then my damn phone rang.

 

“Where's my brother?” If anything could have killed my mood, it was Kevin freaking Bailey. I still can't believe she cheated on me with a kid. Well he seemed like a kid to me because he always was, next to Mitch and me. In reality he was only a year younger than Stacy. That pissed me off even more.

 

“I'm sort of busy right now. Have you tried his phone?”

 

“Essie did. She's not feeling so well and I just want to find him and get home.”

 

“Fine, I'll get him and meet you outside.” I found Mitch down the hall, half passed out. One of the guys in the room with him helped me get him down to Kevin. Together we loaded him. Essie had her eyes closed in the front. Once the door was closed and we were out of earshot, I started.

 

“Why'd you let her come up here?”

 

“She was coming up here with or without me. I personally didn't want Essie driving up here alone in the rain for this prick.”

 

“Relax Kevin, Mitch is a big boy. He would have been fine in the morning.”

 

“You don't sound so sober yourself Robert. Maybe you need to go home.”

 

“Kevin, don't tell me what to do. Just because you're Mitch's brother doesn't mean I won't beat your ass for screwing around with Stacy.” He was about to say something and the horn sounded. Kevin broke our locked gazed and went to the driver's side of the car.

 

“Are you gonna bring his car back or do I need to get a ride up here?”

 

“I'll bring it, early or else he'll get in trouble right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They left and I went back to my dorm room where I sat for the next few hours trying to sober up. As soon as I felt I could drive, I left. By the time I'd made it in town I'd decided to see Stacy. Not knowing everything was killing me. Kevin's look tonight was mocking me. Was it more than a few kisses? She wouldn't dare do anything else with him. I had to know.

 

When I got to her house, my questions for her were clear in my mind. I'd rehearsed them so many times. What I forgot about was that she was probably sleeping. I found the spare key easy enough and went to her room. The woman looked sexy even when sleeping, and it had been awhile since we'd had sex, not to mention I was pretty excited when I was interrupted earlier. Why did she have to be so stupid? I would have married her, I would have been faithful.

 

Stacy was stirring and soon had her eyes on me. For a minute I thought I could just pretend nothing ever happened. So what if it was few kisses. Actors to that all the time. Before I knew it, Stacy was practically on top of me. Whatever I wanted to know could wait. I was used to having this beautiful woman whenever I wanted and my body was not taking no for an answer.

 

The sex was so great with her it was hard to imagine anyone else being any better. Stacy was my one and only, but I still wanted her all the time. Even before I started drilling her about what really happened I knew I would forgive her. I loved her so much and holding her felt like something I could do forever. Stacy promised it was only kissing, and I stupidly believed her, because I wanted her back. If she had told me the truth that night, I would have left and never come back. She knew I was going to find out someday, but hoped it wouldn't be for a long time.

 

2

 

 

I told Robert that I really loved him and I meant it. I told him that I was going to be faithful and I really meant that. So why was I going out of my way to annoy Essie Akers with little tidbits about Kevin's and my relationship? Probably because it was just too easy. After homecoming, Rose and I talked and compared notes. The part about her tale that I found so fascinating was when Kevin took Chase to Essie's house. Rose admitted that she saw nothing happen between them, but that there was a certain chemistry between the two. Had Kevin made a move on Essie? After all, Essie conveniently picked homecoming night to break off a three year relationship with Mitch Bailey.

 

Essie and I had gym together first period. Normally I would never have gone out of my way to speak to her, but the thought of Kevin with another girl really bothered me. If Essie was messing with him, I at least wanted her to think she was his second choice. I found her changing alone at the back of the locker room. Essie was so pale and tall. Well not that tall, but everyone is tall to me. I really didn't get why Kevin was so interested in her.

 

“Essie, you got a minute?” She smiled up at me. Which is what I expected from her, Essie is always nice.

 

“What's up?”

 

“I just wanted you to know the truth about what was going on the night you saw Kevin and me together.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I know you saw me at Kevin's the other day, but Robert and I weren't together. Now we are, but we were broken up that time.”

 

“Yeah, Kevin told me about everything.”

 

“I doubt he told you everything. I mean, you're only his brother's girlfriend.”

 

“Ex girlfriend.” Now Essie was giving a little attitude.

 

“Oh right. How is Kevin doing? He was so upset that night. I told him all along that I wasn't breaking up with Robert, but he still hounded me. It didn't even bother him that I had a boyfriend, he liked me so much. The other night, before you called, he was trying to convince me to pick him. Then you called and we had to cut everything short. He was so mad you had called, but he's such a good guy to help his brother. Damn, I think my teacher's doing roll call, got to go.” Essie wasn't smiling anymore. I knew I was being bad, but it was so much fun. Robert would be livid if Essie ever told him, but I knew she wouldn't.

 

Fifth period was going to be interesting. How would Rose treat Jose now? I laughed to myself when I remembered the look on Jose's face when he saw Rose and Chase. It was even worse when Chase told him Rose was his now. We had come out just behind them when we saw what was happening. Serves the cheater right. No one had been caught that night, but it was pretty obvious who had been in the fight. Black and blue marks were all through the Reygas and the basketball team plus Chase.

 

Rose came in first and took her seat by me. I told her about gym class while we waited for class to start.

 

“Stacy, you are so bad.”

 

“I didn't say anything about you. I just wanted to have some fun.”

 

“So are you going to be tormenting people to keep from getting bored?”

 

“Hey I'll do whatever I have to, to keep from cheating.” Rose didn't hear what I said, Jose had walked in. Chase had gotten in some good hits on Jose. Rose stared at him openly as he walked across the room. He stared back at her, both of them locked in the moment.

 

“Didn't you see him earlier?”

 

“He wasn't in Spanish. Chase got pulled out of 1st period. Everyone they think was involved is getting questioned today.”

 

“Really” So this was the first meeting. “You don't really care what he thinks, do you Rose?”

 

“I care what he thinks, I care what they all think. Mostly I want to know if this is over or if it's just the beginning. Can we please talk about something else?”

 

“Yes actually.” Rose was looking at me now, curious about the sudden change in my tone. I was smiling my best smile and trying to talk sweetly.

 

“Why do you look like that?”

 

“I want to join STOMPS with you.”

 

“I think that would be really fun, but its hard work.”

 

“Good. I need some hard work.” Secretly I was still hoping to lose more weight. My mom would never let me join a gym, but being in a dance group would give me a great reason to burn tons of calories every day.

 

“Alright, alright. We start in the first week in November, and next week is the meeting for new people.”

 

“Great Rose! You're the best friend I've had in a really long time.”

 

“Do you even have other friends?” She was half joking, but a little serious.

 

“I did, but when Robert and I starting getting serious, I sort of made him the center of my world.”

 

“Ah. I know what you mean.” That was all she said and talk of our `old' friends was dropped. I had a question for Mr. Deerfield about an assignment, so Rose left before me. Jose must have seen the opportunity and caught up to me afterwards.

 

“Stacy Moore.” It wasn't a question or a command, just a statement. I was on my way to sixth period and was completely surprised to see that Jose had waited for me. I want to talk to you about Rose.

 

“I'm on my way to class, so I guess if you keep up and talk within hearing range, I'll be forced to hear what you have to say.” I sounded completely cool and calm even thought my pulse was racing. Jose had never spoken to me before. How did Rose stand being near him all the time? His presence was so strong, it engulfed me completely. Plus he's gorgeous, but right now I needed to be loyal to my friend. So that would mean I had to keep remembering what a cheater he was.

 

“Is she confiding in you?” Who talks like that?

 

“Yeah, I guess. She tells me things, not everything.”

 

“Does she plan. . . do you think. . .will she have sex with him?”

 

“What! How would I know and why would I tell you. You aren't her boyfriend anymore. Quit being delusional about marrying her. She won't marry you, even if she does forgive you.”

 

“She can't sleep with him.”

 

“Why? Will she spontaneously combust on impact?” I wish I could have seen the look on his face, but if I did turn to look at him I would crumble beneath him.

 

“Because I won't marry a woman who is used.”

 

“So if you get Mandy pregnant, you're just going to leave her?” Jose was cursing at me in Spanish, I must have hit a nerve. “I thought you didn't like speaking Spanish?”

 

“You are so. . .”

 

“What, feisty? You have no idea Jose. Now this is my class, I'm done listening, but take some advice. Try to conceive a future without her. You keep thinking she's just blowing off steam, but it's more than that. Rose is broken. You broke her. Her spark is gone and being with Chase is the only thing that can even manage to flicker that light back on. So if she wants to have sex with him, then you just have to move on.” I was ready to be done, but there was one more thing I just had to say. “If you really loved her Jose, it wouldn't matter who she sleeps when she comes back to you. If she ever does.”

 

 

3

 

It had been one week since Robert had taken me back and it was time to set new ground rules. I knew this would happen, but the thought of sitting through hours of talking was not making me happy. The drive down to Morris couldn't take long enough. Robert was going to throw a leash around my neck and tie me to a poll. But I had to do what he wanted or he would leave me for good.

 

For this occasion, I had worn his favorite pair of jeans, which were now not so tight any more. On top I had to be practical with a sweater. It was getting colder outside. My plan was to use his weaknesses to cut the negotiations as short as possible. I know I'm bad, but I just wanted to get past all the cheating. Every time we talked about it I had to think about how much of a liar I still was being. I'd had sex with Kevin. Only once, but that would be enough for Robert to write me off forever no matter what he said. What would I do then? I didn't want to think about it.

 

This time, Robert wasn't waiting for me to pull up. I had to walk to his room alone and stand outside while he slowly answered the door. No longer was I greeted with open arms and loving lips.

 

“Hey babe.” He actually kissed me on the cheek.

 

“Hey yourself.” I threw my arms around him and kissed him a real kiss. He pulled my arms down from him and turned it into some weird hug. “What?” I knew but I wanted him to say it.

 

“I've been going crazy all week. I don't think I can do this Stacy.”

 

“Robert don't say that. I'm sorry it's hard, but it is worth it, isn't it”

 

“What? Going crazy, constantly wondering if you're still seeing him or if it's someone else now.”

 

“We are working this out. I made the worst mistake of my life, but please. Last week you said you couldn't leave me. Remember.” I moved in, trying to make him remember.

 

“You're not getting out of this Stacy.” He pulled me away from him for the second time. I wanted to pout and yell about how he was making me feel unwanted, but I knew that was not going to fly tonight.

 

“Okay Robert. What do I need to do to make this right?”

 

“I don't want you doing any more plays. I know I'm a jerk for saying it, because you really were good at it, but I can't handle it.”

 

“Fine I won't, I wasn't thinking about it anyway. What else?”

 

“None of Malcolm's parties. You can come up here on the weekends or I'll come down.”

 

“What about your away games?”

 

“I guess I'll have to be messed up the whole night and play bad.” I wanted to tell him he could trust me, but I didn't have the right to say that. Instead I used the one thing I had that would make him feel better. Inching closer to him, I put my arms around his waist and brought our lips together. “We're not done Stacy.” He was refusing to touch me, so I thought I'd give him incentive. The sweater was off first, quickly followed by the bra. Now he let me guide him down to the bed, still not touching.

 

“Why do you have to do this?”

 

“Because I can Robert. Don't you want to see me?”

 

“Yes, of course, but I want to talk to you, but when you get half naked and jump me I can't think.”

 

“That's the idea.” I kissed him again and this time he kissed me back.

 

“We're not done talking about this,” he spat the words out between our kisses, which were getting more and more intense. It was wonderful knowing he was still mine, all mine. I loved having this power over him still after as long as we'd dated.

 

I let myself fall asleep when we had finished, still wanting to avoid the rest of that conversation. In the end I had to get up and go to the bathroom. Robert was watching me when I started to stir. He kissed me once before letting me up. Thank God Robert had his own bathroom. Me sneaking to the men's bathroom would have been a laugh.

 

“In case it's not obvious, you never see, talk, or even look at him.” My eyes couldn't meet his. Listening to the pain in his voice was hard enough. I nodded, slowly walking back to him from the bathroom. He lifted the covers and let me slide in. “I still love you. I know I'm being unfair, but it has to be this way.” I nodded again.

 

“I told you I would do anything for another chance. I meant that. I'm yours okay?” Now he nodded. He was so wounded by me and he only thought it was kissing. How would he feel if he knew what I'd really done? What if he knew he wasn't the only guy I'd ever had sex with anymore? I could feel myself going into that really dark place. That place I found myself in more and more lately.

 

“Stacy.” Robert was whispering my name and beginning to feel his way through me. He still wanted me, wanted more. I let myself drift back into the dream world where I could believe the lies I'd told him and let him think he loved me. Because I knew the moment he found out what I did, he'd stop.

 

* * *

 

Robert meant every word he said to me. He was so dedicated to any need I had, even coming home during the week if he thought I needed him to be around. And I was true to mine. Every weekend I was driving to Morris to see home games or just him. At school I stayed away from Kevin and ignored anyone else who tried to get close to me. Things were feeling right again, the way they should have been when the school year started. Which is why the subject of the email was completely devastating and shocking, arriving just three weeks before Christmas.

 

4

 

After Stacy left early Sunday, I went back to sleep. I'd stayed awake the whole night thinking and watching her, wondering if this was the right decision. The only thing I was sure of was that I wasn't ready to lose her. Only a few hours after Stacy left, someone was pounding on my dorm door. My body was dead, refusing to move, but my brain was reminding me that Tammy was coming by at ten. By the intensity of the banging, she'd been trying for awhile.

 

“I'm up Tammy, give me a minute.” A minute later, after I was decent, I let her in.

 

“Why was your door locked, you know I hate being stranded on the guys floor?” Tammy was dressed in her usual weekend gear, cotton shorts and tee, sandals with her hair pulled back. She lived in my dorm, on one of the girl floors.

 

“I forgot you were coming and I had company last night.” I was still shuffling around, looking for my shirt.

 

“Oh. Good for you Robert. That's really the best way to get over someone.” Tammy's tone brightened a little, but not too much. Tammy started off as my math tutor, but now we were more like friends. She still helped me with math, because I really was pathetic. It was Tammy's door I pounded on two weeks ago, after learning about Stacy and Kevin. I needed someone that night, and the only person I could even think about letting see me like that was her. Now she was giving me an evil look. Tammy had the lowest opinion of Stacy and me saying she would be pissed about last night doesn't even cover it.

 

“Please. Please don't tell me you took her back Robert.” She didn't want me to say it, so I didn't say anything.” She let a huge sigh and slumped on my bed. Then immediately jumped up and moved over to the desk, eyeing the bed and shuddering. “Why are you giving her another chance?”

 

“Because I feel somewhat responsible. Don't give me that look. I promised her nothing would change and I got here and everything overwhelmed me. Instead of figuring out how to keep her in the most important thing in my life, I sort of set her off to the side. She has issues with abandonment and I promised I would take care of her.”

 

“So it's okay for her to see someone else? Because she has issues.”

 

“No!” Her even saying that drove me crazy. “But I have to think about how she felt, especially when she found out about Mitch coming up here before I'd invited her. I don't have to wonder where that sent her mind. Then I was barely home to see her. I owe her the chance to try, to do everything right and see how it works.”

 

“What if she breaks your heart again?”

 

“Then at least I know it was her and not me. I could walk away with a clean conscious.” She rolled her eyes and stared off to the side. “Look, when I told her we would get married, I completely meant it. That's how serious I am about Stacy. I won't walk out on her because she got lonely and kissed some guy.”

 

“How do you what really happened? You weren't there. Have you even asked Mitch? Maybe there was more to all this.”

 

“You know what Tammy, maybe there was, but she's with me right now and that means she chooses me regardless of any feelings she had for Kevin.” Tammy was getting really pissed now.

 

“That is so bullshit Robert! You are so much more than she gives you. How can you waste yourself on her? There are thousands of other women right here that you could be happy with. Why is she so special?” This attack had taken me completely by surprise. I think she was even taken aback by the words she let slip out. My gut reaction was to keep the argument going even more, defend Stacy and my own actions, but looking at her I couldn't. She had huddled herself up in the desk chair so that her shorts barely covered her underwear. Her legs hid everything but her face. It was paler than ever which made her dark red hair contrast even more. My study of her was cut short when her green eyes caught mine.

 

“If she's the only one you're ever with, how will you know if she's really special?” Tammy wasn't yelling anymore, she was trying very hard to keep herself together. I knew what she was saying, what she wanted me to do. If there was anyone else at this school that was a better match for me than Tammy, I hadn't met them yet. Tammy was smart, attractive, and caring with a bit of a dangerous streak that made her even more tempting. My ability to stay her friend and nothing more was one of things that let me know how much I really loved Stacy. But what if she was right? What if my feelings for Stacy were ignorance from lack of experience?

 

I crossed the room to where she was and just stood there. If something was going to happen, I had to make the move and she knew that. Tammy had wanted me for months yet never moved in. Even a couple weeks ago when I was completely vulnerable she held back. She didn't want to be a one night stand or a rebound girl, knowing she was better than that. We were both staring at each other, a sort of stand-off.

 

“Your word, that if I choose her, you let it go, no strings.”

 

“If you still want her, after this, I wouldn't want you anymore any way.” Good, we were on the same page, but what if I still want Stacy after this? Could I tell her and risk losing her? I'd have to tell her, but when? “Robert, if it's this hard, then I'm not the right person for this.”

 

“Tammy, you are so the right person, the only person I could possibly do this with.” I had hoped my words would move her into doing something, but she sat still. She was playing this thing fair and square. It had to be my choice. With nothing left to consider, I moved forward and she finally let go.

 

An hour later I had my answer. I'd actually had my answer after the first kiss, but my body was absolutely not turning back. The rest was just as I expected it to be. Tammy was phenomenal, so much more experienced than Stacy, but that wasn't what I was looking for. Having said that, I probably dragged out the whole thing much longer than necessary. Once I'd made the decision, I knew this moment with Tammy would be the only other sexual experience I would have for the rest of my life.

 

“Are you leaving?” I hoped Tammy would keep her promise.

 

“Yes. I definitely have an answer.”

 

“And?”

 

“I need to buy a ring.” She looked like she wanted to discuss things, but she couldn't. Her promise meant I wouldn't have to explain anything and I really didn't want to. So I nearly ran out of the room, after grabbing a few things for trip to Creston Hills.

 

The first place I stopped was the mall. They had plenty of jewelry stores where I could find a ring for Stacy. It turns out I only needed one store. All the rings were beautiful and the saleswoman made an easy sale. The ring was small compared to the one carat diamond, but would look big enough on Stacy's small finger. I paid for the ring in cash from the fund I'd been adding to just for this occasion.

 

Next stop was my parents. I needed a place to stash the ring until Christmas, that would be when I'd propose. This gave me some time to make sure Stacy wouldn't go back to Kevin or anyone else. I wasn't completely naive. Plus I needed a shower before I saw Stacy.

 

Finally I was at the only place in the world I wanted to be. As usual, Stacy's mom was at work. That's all that woman ever did. I wanted to really surprise her, so I just went in without knocking. She was in her room, working on homework.

 

“You weren't kidding, were you?” She looked perfect even in her most casual of clothing.

 

“No. From now on, if I have a more than four hours of free time, their yours.” She hugged, she kissed, she whispered how much she loved me. It felt like last summer all over again. Things were finally right again. This was my Stacy, the sweet girl I loved, the girl I would I marry.

 

6

 

Tammy avoided me until Mitch came for a visit. Stacy had started STOMPS and had a dance marathon to do. Mitch didn't have a game Friday, so his Saturday was free. He hadn't been up since Essie broke up with him. Most of that was because I was always with Stacy now, but I think another part of him blamed the break up on his visit here. If he'd never come up that night, would she have ended it? Who knows, but tonight we were having a boys night. So when Tammy finally showed up at my room, minutes before Mitch arrived, I was very curious.

 

“Are we speaking again?”

 

“Mitch is supposed to be here soon. We have plans.”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Since he sent me a text telling me he was coming and wanted to know what I was doing.”

 

“When did you exchange cell numbers?”

 

“You were sitting right here when he was complaining about failing math. I told him he could call me if he needed help. Then we exchanged numbers.”

 

“Okay, so why do you care that he's coming. I doubt he brought math.”

 

“Mitch is single now and I asked him out.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I like him. Do you think you're the only guy I'm interested in?”

 

“Whatever. Mitch didn't even mention it.”

 

“That's because we just now arranged it when he called to tell me he was coming down. I told him I would tell you the change in plans, which is why I'm here.” I guess there won't be a guys night. Mitch showed up about ten minutes later and left with Tammy. Mitch came back alone a few hours later, so we did get to hang out a little. Neither of us were in the mood to go out, so we stayed in my room playing video games. Mitch stayed and left early on Sunday.

 

As if a camera were hidden in my room and streamlining to Tammy's, she appeared shortly after he left.

 

“I can't talk, I'm going to see Stacy.”

 

“Then I should really tell you now.” She sounded like she was about to tell me she was pregnant, but that seemed unlikely because I used protection, several times.

 

“Tell me what?”

 

“First tell me why you're still with her. That night was great, for both of us. I know I agreed to no strings, but it's driving me crazy.” I was waiting for this. It was only a matter of time before I was forced to explain this to her.

 

“When I was with you it may have been great physically, but it doesn't complete me as a person.”

 

“And she does. Christ you guys are too young to be connecting on some other level.”

 

“Well someday when you actually experience it, then you can start judging. But for now just take my word that it's not the same with her. You were fantastic, but you're no match for Stacy.”

 

“I slept with Mitch to find out what really happened with his brother and Stacy.” She just said it, matter-of-fact like.

 

“You what?! Why can't you let it go Tammy? You're actually one of my best friends, why ruin that.”

 

“Because I do care about you and she is no good. She can't love you like you love her. Are you going to be happy knowing that the person you're with could love someone else?”

 

“She doesn't love him.”

 

“Probably not, but she did have sex with him.” Tammy had just jabbed a knife into my heart. It wasn't coming out, it was just sitting there, burning with pain. I searched her face for some sign of a lie. She believed this, but. . .

 

“How would Mitch know?”

 

“Mitch is pretty sure even though Kevin never told him for sure. So it may not be true, but Mitch was willing to bet on it.”

 

“I've got to go.”

 

Stacy wasn't expecting me for at least another hour, but I couldn't just sit around, waiting, thinking. An hour of sleep could be lost to ease my mind. Stacy was sleeping when I got there. She wore a tank top and for the first time in a long time I actually examined her body. It seemed to have grown thin over night. How did I miss her weight loss? Why was she losing so much weight? My thoughts were interrupted as she stirred awake.

 

“You keep doing this Robert, I'm going to have to change the locks if I ever want to sleep again.” I didn't laugh, I was fighting just to breathe. “Robert I was just joking, what's wrong?” She slid out of bed and took a minute to look at her legs, they too were thin. It must be STOMPS. I shook off the thought and came back to the now.

 

“If you love me and want to be with me, then the lying stops.” Her reaction told me that she was hiding something and deathly afraid I would find out. “Go, now.” I had thought it would be harder than that, but she started talking, giving every detail from the first day of play practice to night we broke up.

 

“So, the night you finally gave in, we were broken up.” She nodded “Not that it matters too much because it sounds like you guys had already done everything but that while we were still dating.” Again she nodded. This decision would be a lot easier if I hadn't cheated on her, and enjoyed it, very recently. No, that didn't matter, Stacy really cared about Kevin. That was the worst part, she had the ability to have feelings for someone else, strong feelings that someday, under the right circumstances, might lead to love.

 

“Stacy, I'm so screwed up right now. I should walk out on you and do my best to forget you, but I'm terrified that I'll never feel what I feel for you with someone else. Don't talk Stacy, your voice is poison to me right now. Let me cool off. I'm going home, don't do anything stupid or crazy.”

 

“Robert, I love you now more than ever. I care about him, but not like I love you. We're finally the couple we can be, and all of it happened after Kevin. It can be this way, if you can let it go. I was so weak, but now I'm so sure you're the one.” I could feel myself starting to cry. What would I do if I lost her? But if we stayed together, how could I be sure the pain would fade? I had to leave before I lost control.

 

When I got back to my room, Tammy was sleeping in my bed, having never left. My entrance woke her up and she checked her watch for the time.

 

“That wasn't very long.”

 

“Why are you doing all this? What made you think that it was your place to snoop around with us? I could have been happy without this. You know what Tammy? I still love her as much as I always have, but now I am in more pain than I have ever been in because I don't know how much she loves me.”

 

“You can't see who she is, you still can't. If you break up with her, how long do you think it would take for her to go back to him or someone else? Better yet, tell her to see for herself. If she truly loves you, she won't even try because she'll know there's no point, that no one can compare to you. That's what you'd do right? But, if she runs back to him, you'll know you're replaceable.”

 

“Get out Tammy, I can't even see your face anymore.” Tammy left, but her words stuck to me. Would a test really be enough? Could it be that easy to find out how much she loved me? Any advice from Tammy couldn't be good, considering the lengths she'd gone to invade my privacy. I wouldn't be surprised if she was sending an email to Stacy right now telling her how unfaithful I had been. Tammy wouldn't do that, she wants me to be the one to end it.

 

This week was the last week of exams and I would soon be home for a month. If I was going to do this, it had to be now. That night I sent the email which would give her a whole week before I came home. If I called her, I might not be able to do it. At least with an email she would know everything in my head. I told her we needed a break. We both needed to see what things were like in other relationships. Finally, I told her she needed to figure out her feelings for Kevin Bailey. Then I hit send.

 

7

 

My last exam was Friday and I raced home nearly as soon as I finished, having packed earlier. Perhaps the email wasn't the best idea considering I was going completely insane. What if she went to him? She never called or replied, that had to be a bad sign. Part of me wished she would call screaming and begging me to reconsider, but she didn't. My car was a little packed because I chose to live at home during the break even though I still had basketball practice and games.

 

I wanted to leave for Stacy's as soon as finished unloading, but my parents insisted I stay for dinner. They said Stacy would be there an hour later. But she wasn't. By the time I reached her house, she'd already left. For once, her mother was there.

 

“She left not even ten minutes ago.”

 

“Where'd she go?”

 

“She said out with Rose, but probably to that Malcolm's house.” Her mom knew about the parties and didn't care. I'd never talked to her mom, aside from the occasional small talk, so I didn't really know too much about her. What I did know was that she was pretty young, not even forty and Stacy's dad was a lot older. They'd never married because Stacy's dad was already married when her mom got pregnant and he didn't want to leave his family. So Stacy and her mom lived in a pretty nice house, that he helped pay for, and he buys her clothes, even a car and once in awhile makes an appearance. But I'm not even sure his first wife even knows about any of it. Hence, abandonment issues.

 

“Oh, okay, I'll just head there.” It couldn't be that easy, I wasn't getting out of here without a `word'.

 

“Sit down Robert.” If I hadn't stayed, if I had left that second, I could have caught her and things would have turned out differently for us. But as fate would have it, I stayed and listened to everything Tabitha had to say, which was a lot of bitching. Once I was seated, she started grilling me.

 

“What the hell are you doing Robert? Don't give me that look, I know all about your stupid email, even read it. If you don't want to date her anymore, why are you running over here the second you get home?”

 

“I didn't mean what I said, well I did, but I changed my mind.”

 

“You changed your mind! Stacy's been locked in her room for days. She missed three days of school and it would have been more if I didn't make her go. I rarely ever make her do something, but it was out of hand. Then you come waltzing in here and want to just erase the past week. Why didn't you just call her?” I didn't know what to say, my words were stuck in my throat. And I was a little scared of the woman at the moment.

 

“This wouldn't have happened if she didn't cheat. Plus she lied to me about what really happened!” I was still super pissed about that.

 

“She wouldn't have cheated if you'd kept your promise to keep her the most important thing in your life. You know her, that's who she is. You knew from day one that she needed special attention, I sat here and told you. You told me that didn't matter, you could take care of her.”

 

“I know I said that and I meant that, but it was all overwhelming. I needed time to balance it. She couldn't even give me two months before she started seeing him. Now I don't know how she feels about him. If she was willing to. . .” I had to pause, not sure how much she knew.

 

“. . .have sex with him” She finished the sentence. Apparently she knew everything despite never being around. I nodded, grinding my teeth at the validation she gave me. Up until then, it was just Mitch's theory, now it was real.

 

“Then she has to care about him. I don't know if I can be with her if she feels that way about him.”

 

“Well maybe you did the right thing. Listen, I think she needs to sort her feelings out about him before she can make any big decisions.”

 

“Easier said than done Tabitha.” It was the first time I'd used her name, but she was pissing me off. “She shouldn't need to explore her feelings for him. And if she does, then I'll know it was the right thing, the email that is.” I stood up, feeling I'd put in enough time.

 

“Are you really going to forgive her for what she did?”

 

“If you're telling me the truth and she was that upset about the break-up, then I can get over it and I can forgive her.”

 

“What if she really cares about him?” I didn't answer because I didn't have one. That was an outcome I didn't want to play out in my head.

 

Malcolm lived close to Stacy, so I was there pretty quick, too quick. By the time I made it to the party, she was leaving with Kevin. Just as I was walking up the street, I caught her turn to look at him as she led him to her car. She smiled a genuine smile, but then she turned back around and her face fell. I hoped she'd realize it was a mistake and leave him, but she didn't. They got in the car together and left. I didn't follow that night, instead I went home and it was my turn to be locked in my room.

 

 

8

 

Over the next few weeks, I forced myself to go to practice and try to play well during games. When I wasn't occupied with that, I was pretty much stalking her.

 

I kept telling myself that if she'd really loved only me, then she never would have gone to him. She would have waited for me or better yet, driven up to Morris the night I sent the email and told me there was no one else she wanted. That I was lucky to have gotten out before I proposed. The other alternative was to go crazy insane with jealousy, which I was nearly doing anyway. The worst nights were the ones she took him home or he took her home. Knowing what they were up to behind closed doors was gut wrenching.

 

Instead of things getting easier over time, they got worse. I thought if I saw her with him enough, I would get over it. Some sane part of me would finally see who she really was. That didn't happen. Day after day, I just wanted her more. I wanted her back with me so much, by Christmas I felt like I was evenly torn in two between hating her for wanting him and wanting her for myself again.

 

All this time I had been sitting, watching, doing nothing. That was all stupid, I should be able to walk into her house and take her back whenever I wanted. I'd love to see the look on his face when he found out she was back with me and she would be back with me if I wanted it.

 

Finally, it was Christmas, the day I was supposed to propose to her. Could I still do it after seeing what I had seen the last few weeks? Stacy was going to diner at his house, but of course, I wouldn't follow. I had my own obligations. Thinking about her at his house made me think about Mitch. He'd sent me a couple texts, wanting to get together, but yeah right. How could I stand to be around him now? He wouldn't mourn the loss of our friendship long, now that he had Essie back.

 

After my diner was finished, I grabbed the ring and went to her house where I waited and waited. Finally she came back, with him which put a bit of stint in my plans. They were having dinner at her house too apparently. But he wasn't there very long, surprisingly. It was still early, so why would he be leaving? Stacy had walked him to the door and she didn't look happy that he was going, but he didn't seem to care. When he turned away from her, he was flushed and jittery, like he was up to something. He didn't even bother to kiss her goodbye, something he always did. I made a quick decision to follow him. Something was up with him.

 

Immediately, I knew he wasn't going home. He was headed to the other side of town, to the less economical part. The houses turned smaller and closer together, but I still couldn't figure out where he was going. I had been down here a few times with Mitch, but that wasn't helping. Until he stopped and my memory told me we were at Essie Akers house. Had something happened to Mitch? I didn't see Mitch's car.

 

I parked on an opposite street and watched him jog to the house. Troy opened the door, paused for a second, and then let him in. After he went in, Troy stood there for a moment, smiling and shaking his head. What did that mean? I was contemplating going up to the house and looking in the window, but I didn't have to. Essie's window faced the street I was parked on, so I could see her sitting at her desk. I saw her face turn as he walked in. She stood up, but I couldn't see her face anymore, only his. About a second before grabbed her, I knew. I didn't see much after that, they'd moved out of view.

 

Now I was sicker than I'd been the last two weeks. Kevin was sleeping with Essie and Stacy? Or was this something new? He'd never acted like this before, maybe it was new. But I thought Essie was dating Mitch again. I gave up trying to figure that all out and went back to Stacy`s. Before I went in, I had two decisions to make. One, do I tell Mitch and two, what would I do about Stacy. The first one was easy, and I quickly sent a text. I didn't come right out and say it, but I did tell him Kevin left Stacy's to be with Essie. He could take what he could from that, after all, he didn't say anything about Kevin and Stacy. Next, what to do about Stacy?

 

I wanted her back, there was no doubt about that, but not lying to me. If she could admit to me the truth about Kevin, then I would take her back. There was no future with her if she didn't stop lying about things.

 

Tabitha didn't seem surprised to see me walk past her in the kitchen, towards Stacy's room. Stacy was sitting on her bed, doing nothing. It was weird to see her so comatose. The noise from the door broke the trance and she looked at me.

 

“What are you doing here Robert? I thought you wanted to see other people.” Her first words were bitchy, but she looked like she regretted it as soon as she heard herself speak.

 

“No.” The weeks of seeing her with Kevin had taken a toll on me. My male instincts were telling me that I needed to have her, to prove she could still be mine no matter who else came between us. I tried to control the urges and remember my speech. “That was a mistake, the worst mistake I've ever made. I came here as soon as school finished to see you, but you weren't home. Your mom said you went to a party, so I went to, but I saw. . .” I'd let her finish the ending.

 

“You saw me leaving with Kevin.”

 

“Yes. So I went home to think. I've spent the last three weeks thinking about everything and I decided that I don't care about any of that, I just want you back.” She seemed stunned into silence.

 

“I've been dreaming about you saying that for so long. To say that it didn't matter.”

 

“Then tell me, before anything else, what is he to you?” She knew I wanted her to tell me all the details of their short romance. What she didn't know, was that I already knew them all. I decided to prompt her. “Are you dating? How do you feel about him? Have you. . .had sex? I want to know everything.” All I wanted to know was in that head. She was thinking hard about what to tell me, wondering if I would really stay no matter what. “If you don't start talking, I'm going to think the worst.”

 

 

“Okay, no more lies. Here it is.” When she was finished, there seemed to be quite a few details I wasn't privy to during my bouts of stalking. But I really didn't care about that, I was too elated that she was being honest. It felt weird to be so happy and so angry at the same time. With each new revelation, my heart pulled in two ways. When she was done, I was all over her, erasing any evidence of him on her.

 

Now that that was all settled, there was something I had to tell her. I told her about Tammy, from the day I met her on campus to last time I saw her. There was a ten second pause before she went completely psychotic.

 

“Have you lost your mind Robert? How dare you treat me like you have when you cheated on me. I don't care if you waited until I did first, you wanted her, for months. She could have been the reason you never wanted me around.”

 

“Tammy always knew about you and she has too much respect for herself to get a guy like that.”

 

“What!! She practically seduced you to try to break us up!”

 

“No she didn't. She simply gave me a suggestion and I initiated because. . .”

 

“No, don't stop. I want to hear you say it again.”

 

“I knew I wanted her more than any other girl besides you.”

 

“Get out Robert, Get out!!”

 

“Stacy, come on. I forgave you.”

 

“I never had sex with anyone while we were together.”

 

“You know there isn't much difference between the two situations.”

 

“You might be right, but I don't care. I can't be like you. I can't get over it.” Those words I couldn't hear. I tried to reach her, touch her, make her see we could still be together. But she wanted nothing to do with me. I've never her so angry and the next words she spoke made me realize I had no idea how much she hurt.

 

“Kevin and I are the real thing Robert. Five minutes ago I loved you more than him and knew you could treat me better than him. But now, I see who you really are and I just want be with Kevin now.” She knew what those words would do to me and to us. That meant she wanted it to be over, for good. My legs itched for me to leave, but my anger had risen to a new level at her words about Kevin. All I wanted to do was hurt her. So I gave it my best shot.

 

“I followed your every move for three weeks. When I came here tonight, I did it knowing everything already. I did it already having made the choice to forgive you.” By now I had gotten dressed so I fished the ring out of my pants. I threw box at her. “I bought that hours after I'd slept with Tammy, because I finally had proof that you were the one that I wanted to be my wife.” She may have been livid, but nothing could keep a girl from what she knew was in that box.

 

Every act leading up to the moment felt like slow motion. As soon as she felt the ring in her hands she collapsed into the bed. All her anger and energy fell out. Her whole body shook with the sobs. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't take back her words now.

 

“Now you know what it really feels like to make the worst mistake of your life.” That should have been enough, but as I was leaving her room, I had to put the icing on the cake. “By the way, Kevin is sleeping with Essie Akers. In fact, I'd be surprised if he ever set foot in this room again.” The last nail was in the coffin and I was too much of a coward to look. I'd just broken the heart of the woman I claimed to love more than anything, twice. If I looked at her now, I was going to break too.