Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ The Striplings ❯ Reygas: Getting Complicated ( Chapter 8 )

Sorry it took so long, but his one's a long one!

 

 

Chapter 8

 

Reygas: Getting Complicated

 

1

 

I didn't want to go to 7th period. Jose would be there and I wouldn't have any allies. It's funny, all I'd ever had before were people surrounding me who wanted to protect me and take care of me. Now, it felt like I had nothing. Afraid I would see hate now, I didn't meet their eyes. Most of the boys I'd avoided because they weren't in class, but the girls were a different story. So many of them, jealous for years because I was always favored by Jose and the rest of our friends, now could openly show their contempt. Friday I was the heartbroken sweetheart and today I was a vixen, consorting with outsiders. But this was the only way I knew how to get through this. I needed Chase and he wasn't working for free. Everything comes with a price.

 

We were only a few minutes into the hour when Jose's uncle knocked on the classroom door. Diego Reya is the Dean of Students at school. I'd hoped he wouldn't be involved, but now it was clear that he was. He spoke with the teacher a moment and then looked straight at me. With a small gesture, he indicated that I needed to come with him. I took a chance and glanced at Jose, who looked shocked. He didn't want me brought into it. Once we were safely in the hall, Diego started talking fast.

 

“I don't have long, but I will tell you that someone talked, I'm not sure on which side.”

 

“It wasn't our side, you know that.” In that instant, I knew I still belonged to the Reygas because my `our' meant them. They would never tell, so it had to be someone from the basketball team, less connected with Chase and myself.

 

“You're probably right, but I don't know for sure. Just stay quiet, play dumb. Whoever it was didn't say much, only that is was over a girl. It didn't take long for them to put it all together.”

 

“Are you telling me even the school administration knows about Jose and me?”

 

“They know enough to figure it out. These are smart people Rose. You kids never want to give us enough credit.”

 

“Why are you helping me, isn't it your job to discipline everyone?” He gave me a hard look before answering. Diego has always taken his job very serious. He is Anna Marie's brother. Both of them come from a very intelligent family and had good educations, but Diego's path led him back to his old school to help kids.

 

“This matter needs to be handled in the family, and as soon as we sort everything out here, it will be. Even if you all escape punishment here, our families will properly reprimand everyone involved for the embarrassment caused by this.' My limbs felt weak and my skin went cold.

 

“They know?”

 

“They learned of it shortly after I did.” He looked down at me, as he was over six feet tall. “I called them.”

 

We reached the office and I was seated across from two people I knew, but had never been alone with. The principle and vice principle eyed me from their chairs. Diego stayed standing, joining the others. Principal Kellers started first.

 

“Rose, we all know you're a good girl. So why don't you tell us exactly what happened the night of the dance.”

 

“I went to the dance with Chase Dylan. We had dinner first, then went to the school. But we had to leave early.”

 

Why?” Crap, Chase and I definitely didn't discuss this. He probably wouldn't make up something about me without telling me, so I played dumb.

 

“I don't know. He left with a friend and left me his keys so I could meet him later.”

 

“And did you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Where?”

 

“I'm not sure. He called me and gave me directions. I picked him up and he took me home.” Thank god they didn't know I didn't have a cell phone.

 

“Do you have the address?”

 

“No, it was dark and I just went where he said.”

 

“How did he look?” Now what do I say? Who knows when or how he apparently got his injuries.

 

“Fine I guess, but I really didn't look at him and it was dark. Plus I was really mad that he just left me. I'm not used to being treated like that.” Diego was still behind the other two, nodding to let me know this was the right track. “Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm going to see him again.”

 

“What about Jose Reya?”

 

“What about him?”

“Did you see him that night?”

 

“Just before I left the dance, but I didn't talk to him.” The three glanced at each other, I hoped satisfied.

 

“You can go Rose, we'll call you down if something else comes up.” I stood to leave, Mrs. Vine, the vice principle, wasn't quite finished with me though.

 

“Rose, aren't you going to ask why you had to come down here?”

 

“Like you said, I'm a good girl. Good girls do as their told and don't ask questions.” Ha! I'd like to see her come back from that one. Before anyone could stop me, I was out the door.

 

As much as that meeting strained my nerves, it was nothing compared to what would be waiting for me at home. What was waiting for me was completely unexpected and equally as unnerving as dealing with my parents would have been. Jose's car was in the driveway.

 

“I'm coming with you.” For a moment, I had forgotten Chase was with me. There was no point in arguing, he would just get upset. Together we headed into the house. Jose was alone, sitting on the couch. He looked up at us as we came in, his anger in control.

 

“Everyone's meeting at my house.” Jose made sure to keep his eyes on me. If he looked at Chase, he might lose it. “I'll wait in the car.” They'd already gotten to Jose. An order from his family would be the only thing to keep him from starting up again with Chase.

 

“I don't want you going anywhere alone with him.” Now I was stuck. If I go with Jose, I hurt Chase, but if I go with Chase, I was offering him up to the wolves. “It's time they knew how we feel about each other.” I wasn't ready for that, but a negative reaction would tell him my feelings weren't on the same level as his. So I just nodded.

 

“Let me tell him alone.” He nodded, keeping hold of my hand until the absolute last second, then turning to his car.

 

“Chase will drive me.” Jose looked away, his knuckles going white against the steering wheel.

 

“Why does he have to mean so much to you?” Our eyes met and for the first time since our break-up, I felt the familiar flash across my skin a look from him could give. This was why Chase wouldn't leave us alone together.

 

We both stayed silent for the ride there. I wasn't sure how far Chase wanted to take this, but it wouldn't be right for me to question him. No matter how it sounded, I was his now.

 

Jose was parked and in the house before we pulled up. Hand in hand, we entered the house. The rooms were full, which is saying a lot because the rooms were huge. Mixed together, were all the Ortegas and Reyas, young and old. Everyone involved was present, at least the ones related to either Jose or myself.

 

“Rose, Chase, come in.” Anna Marie spoke from across the room. My parents were near her, but were too upset to speak.

 

“He should go.” My father's voice rang across the room in a booming Spanish. Anna Marie's response was immediate.

 

“He is at the center of this, with Rose. We will not make him leave.” It was always shocking for me to hear Anna Marie speak immaculate Spanish. Arthur was next to her nodding his ascent.

 

Chase hated not knowing what was being said, which in turn made him defensive. His grip on me tightened. I tried to squeeze back, letting him know it was not our place to speak yet. But for his sake, I had to say something.

 

“Chase should know what we are saying.” Chase heard his name and jerked his head at me. I was making it worse by saying things about him. Anna Marie seemed to get what I was saying.

 

“Of course. Chase, Rose, Jose, sit here.” Those sitting in the path of her gesture quickly emptied their seats and three of us moved forward. Jose was exploding on the inside, but nowhere near disobeying his parents. “This has gone on long enough Jose. Rose has been clear that she does not wish to keep the agreement. Bringing the others into this quarrel is inexcusable. As far as you are concerned, Rose can date anyone she wants. You will leave Chase Dylan alone.” Anna Marie's word was law and I felt relief wash through me. She looked finished, but if she was, why were there so many others here? Then I knew.

 

“I am sorry for causing trouble in our families. I won't do it again.” My heart jerked a deep pain for him as he was forced to say those words to everyone, and in front of Chase. Apparently that was enough, because Anna Marie began to walk away.

 

Almost as if it had been rehearsed, Anna Marie's place was taken by my father. Had Jose told my father what set him off? I looked at him, letting the fear seep through my eyes. The moment his eyes hit mine, I knew we were safe, at least from that fear. Jose had not told about my indiscretions.

 

“Why, have you not told us about him, Rose?” My father's accent was so heavy that I knew Chase would struggle to understand. But the fact that my father was trying meant so much.

 

“I didn't want you to be unhappy with me. You love Jose.”

 

“No, I love you.” Such a simple phrase brought tears to my eyes. His reaction the night Jose and his parents came to my house had left me thinking he would never accept another, and never this soon. “Not today, but soon, we will meet this man the right way.” That was it, my fears were gone. But then I saw Anna slide her way around the crowd.

 

“Rose.” Apparently she had been elected spokesperson. “Please come back to us. Let's put it all in the past.” I wanted to look at Chase, to see some sort of suggestion in his eyes, but I knew he would be blamed for any decision I made if I did.

 

For the first time since arriving, I let go of Chase's hand. I drifted to Anna and wrapped my arms around her. She took this to mean I was ready, but I wanted to give her a proper goodbye. Since the break-up, we'd spoken once and it was only for her to give me a warning.

 

“I can't Anna.” Even I could hear the torture in my soft voice. Then even softer, and just for her, I said, “I miss you most of all, but it's your face that hurts the most.” I didn't have the courage to look at anyone else as I walked back to Chase. He was already standing, knowing somehow that it was okay for us to leave.

 

Our trip home was in silence. I left the car first, hoping he would understand that I wanted him to come with me. Of course he did. Without looking back, I walked through the house, up to my room. When I heard the door click, I finally turned around.

 

“You probably thought that was a little crazy, huh?”

 

“Rose, that was one step away from like, the mafia.”

 

“That's a little dramatic.” It was all I could think of to say. Most of my brain was focused on how there was such a wide gap separating us, because he was still glued to the exit.

 

“How can I ever fit in with them Rose?”

 

“You don't have to fit in with them, just me.” Chase was feeling small and weak, so I would have to make him feel big again. Women do that for their men, and I wanted to do it for him. The words weren't helping, so I went to him and pulled him to me and away from his escape. “My father wants to meet you, the right way. They accept this which is so much more than I ever hoped for.”

 

“Was it really possible that they wouldn't let us date?”

 

“I thought it was.”

 

“And you dated me anyway?” This was one of those moments that separates me from other girls. Most girls toss out whatever is in their heads, but I'm a patient person. I let all my thoughts gather before I found just the right way to say it.

 

“I couldn't handle the alternative.” Which I'm sure I could have, but Chase needed to hear me say this. He didn't want to be reminded that he'd practically forced me to make a choice between him in my life as my boyfriend or nothing at all. My objective worked because Chase's mood became the opposite of someone trying to run away, which is what it had been since the moment we walked into Jose's house.

 

“Chase.” he really wanted to be done talking, but I wasn't ready for anything else. “What happened on Homecoming was wrong.” He pulled away from me instantly, but kept hold of me. I felt completely helpless as his eyes searched mine for an answer to a question he didn't have to ask. Instead of giving him his answer, I said the only thing I could. “Aren't I worth waiting for?”

His hands slipped from my arms and found his place by the door.

 

“You know you are Rose. But you can't have it both ways. Good night.” My breath caught in my throat and I felt the heat flood my entire body. After the door closed, I slid onto the bed trying to process what just happened. I'd had a moment everyone has at some point in the relationship. The point where the tables turn and you're no longer the one with all the power. I'm not sure if it was what he said, how he said it, how he looked, or all three combined, but I knew now, more than ever, that when I did decide to have sex, I wouldn't be waiting for an engagement.

 

2

 

It was late before everyone left my house. As much as I wanted to leave, I knew better then to do so while so much family was around. My actions had already been disrespectful enough. Somehow the whole thing turned into a grand family reunion. I'd already gone to bed when my mother crept into my room.

 

“Why are you alone?” I was expecting my father to do this with her.

 

“He left hours ago. The club cannot go even one night without him I guess.” Was it bitterness in her voice or did I just imagine it? The possibility that my mother was having an affair had been driving me crazy. It wasn't the affair so much as what I thought I heard. Walton said he couldn't just end a twenty year relationship and then mom said, `then how can you just end ours'. Did that mean the affair had been going on for that long? Not possible. That would mean mom dated him before dad.

 

“Jose, did you hear me?” She paused a minute and sighed and moved to sit on my bed. “You have to accept the consequences of what you did. Rose won't forgive you. I'm sorry because I love her like a daughter.”

 

“Enough mom.” Her faced pulled back and it looked like she was deciding whether or not to slap me.

 

“I'll let it go once Jose, but you don't talk to me like that. I don't care if your heart's broken right now. Serves you right for what you did.” I wanted to throw the affair in her face, but I needed more time to figure out everything. Now wasn't the time for that anyway. I could be patient and wait for answers. “Believe it or not, she's hurting more than you right now, but she's found a way to block out the pain.”

 

“By screwing the white guy.” Her hand made contact with the back of my head before I could even finish the sentence.

 

“Don't talk like that to me. Besides, Rose isn't having sex with that boy. Trust me, you'll know when she is.”

 

“Why is she going to tell me?”

 

“No. He will.” Despite everything she said and did, my mother leaned over and kissed my head. The small part of me that wished the affair was a mistake, that maybe I'd heard it all wrong welcomed the affection. But the rest of me didn't let it last long and the fire I felt towards her was reignited by the time my door closed shut.

 

After this terrible day all I wanted was to sleep, but it seemed there was no way I would get it. Anna slouched into my room a few minutes after mom left. She was taking the break-up almost as hard as me.

 

“Jose.” Anna wasn't looking at me, so I knew whatever she was going to say had to be bad. “You lost me my best friend, my sister, so you owe me something.” I didn't answer. What could I say, when `I'm sorry' would never be enough for any of us. “I'm going to date someone and I want you to show support with the Reygas. They'll follow your lead.”

 

“He's white?”

 

“Among other things.” I raised an eyebrow at her. What else could she mean by that?

 

“When can I meet him?”

 

“Well, I've only just met him, so probably awhile.” A laugh escaped me, but she wasn't bothered by that. Apparently her line of thinking had some logic, somewhere.

 

“How do you know you guys are going to date?”

 

“It's unavoidable. If you met him, you'd understand, so I guess you'll just have to wait.”

 

“Anna, what does that even mean?” She was already leaving, but that didn't really matter. If Anna didn't want to answer a question, she wouldn't.

 

Finally I had time alone to think. Chase Dylan was off limits now and Rose wasn't supposed to be existing anymore. Leaving Chase alone would be the easier of the two. Who could blame him for wanting her? Chase was almost less than your average guy. After I found out about Rose and him, I learned as much as I could about him. The most exciting thing about him is that he'll probably be a starter on the varsity baseball team. Which really doesn't say much considering the team. I could probably be a starter. Chase's family lives in one of Creston Hills two trailer parks. Most of his time, previous to dating Rose, was spent drinking with friends and working on cars. His best friend, oddly enough, is Kevin Bailey, who is definitely from the middle class part of town. I suppose their baseball connection gave way to a friendship. Chase is a C student that takes mid to low level classes and spends part of his day in the industrial technology wing. I don't like to think of him as a nice guy, but even if he is, he'll never be worthy of Rose. If he goes to college, it'll be right here at our very own CCC, Creston Community College. The fact that he now dates Rose is officially the only thing that makes him special. Chase is definitely enjoying his recent good fortune. Thinking of his hands wrapped around Rose's perfect legs the night of Homecoming makes my stomach lurch all over again. Having said all that, I know he's not stupid. He'll play her until he gets what he wants, but what will he do then? Will he fall in love with her or use her? More than likely he'll fall in love with her.

 

That leaves me with the other edict. Forget Rose. That I couldn't do, not with this all being my fault. If Rose and I had grown apart or she stopped loving me, I could forget her. But Rose didn't stop loving me, she was ripped from me. Rose wanted to marry me and have my children. Most of all, she obeyed me when I asked her to. She was everything she could be, but it still wasn't enough for me. What would I even do if I did get her back? Did I want to go back to feeling like a starved man sitting in front of Thanksgiving dinner, but never allowed to touch? Right now I was getting as much dinner as I could stand. There was too much to think about. For now I would wait. Chase isn't right for her and sooner or later, he'll make a mistake.

 

3

 

After a few weeks of peace and quiet, I was beginning to seriously consider sending Anna Marie some sort of thank-you note. Chase and I were allowed to be a serious couple for the first time. We drove to school together and we came home together. At school, we walked the halls, hand in hand and sat together at lunch. Keyboarding was a different climate than it had ever been. Cesar and Julio openly talked with Chase about the upcoming baseball season, and I could sit comfortable back and listen.

 

Jose and I ignored each other for the three classes we did have together. I was already making arrangements to have my next semester's classes changed so that I had as little of Jose as possible. There were a few snags, such as English, it was the only class offered at that level which left me stuck with him. Everything else had worked out though, so that I would only have to be near him once a day. Chase and I also worked to find a way for us to have classes together. Chase's schedule was the easiest to move around, so we started there. We would stay in first hour together, but with a different elective. He also moved one of his classes so that he could have gym with me. We weren't sure what we were doing in gym, but whatever it was we'd be together.

 

Once our relationship had full status, I had to come face to face with the fact that there had been nearly no break between the end of my relationship with Jose and the start of the one I now had with Chase. Thinking about it all like that made me feel extremely week. Chase hadn't been a conscious choice for me, circumstance put us together and he was happy to be there for me. But I still wondered if he would have been my choice, if I'd had one. If I had never dated Jose, would I have ever wanted to be with someone like Chase? Or was my desire for him simply the product of girl gone deranged by a bad break-up? That was about as far as I would usually get in my thinking. Because it didn't matter what I would have done if I'd never dated Jose, because I did date him.

 

As soon as things started to feel normal between us, our routine changed again. STOMPS started and I was now completely void of any free time. After practice, I would go to work and then come home and do homework. On the weekends, I had work again and then more studying. Sundays were my day off, but we had church that lasted until the afternoon and then it was family time. My time with Chase became very limited. Usually I could get one day off during the week, but then that would mean less money on my paycheck. Saturday could be worked out, but I had to do a lot of juggling. Things between us became more complicated when he told me about his Uncle's job offer.

 

“It's a second shift job, so I'll going in right after school and getting home at eleven. But I won't be working every weekend, we'll still have those.”

 

“What about when baseball starts?”

 

“Hopefully by then, I'll be done training and I can sort of work my own hours.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Working at his garage.”

 

“Garage?”

 

“Yeah, like his workshop for cars. It's a real business and everything. I've been bothering him about ever since I turned sixteen and he's finally letting me have a shot.” He made it sound like he turned sixteen years ago, not months ago.

 

“That's great.” He was definitely excited by all of this, but it left me thinking that there really was no point to us even dating if he was never going to be around to see.

 

“What is it Rose? You know I have to have job”

 

“I know and I want you to have a job, but why does it have to be career. Why

can't you get a job at a fast food place or the mall like every other teenager?”

 

“Because if I start working for him now, I'll be set up when I finish school.”

 

“That's like six years away Chase.” I'd missed something because he wasn't looking at me anymore. Now he was in his familiar spot near my bedroom door.

 

“I didn't mean college Rose.”

 

“You'd rather work in some garage than go to college?”

 

“Is that so hard to understand? So I don't want to go to college. If I do go, it won't be for some degree, but probably a certificate to help with skills I already have.” What I'd said made him mad, but I wasn't getting why. I was still overcoming the shock of what he'd actually said.

 

“How can you not want to go? Is it the money?” Over the months, I`d learned Chase's family was even less financially stable than mine. I didn't understand why Chase was acting like this. Who didn't want to go to college?

 

“No Rose, it's not the money.” He was getting more agitated with me, but I couldn't see why. “My grandparents will pay for any college I want, they're the ones that bought my car in case you were wondering about that. It wasn't much and I had to fix it up, but I still wouldn't have it if it weren't for them. That's not even the point.”

 

“The point is, you'd rather work in some dirty garage than get an education.” As soon as I finished the words, I felt the air drain out of the room. I was being hostile, but it was worth it if it could do even the slightest bit to push him into giving college another thought. It was impossible to believe that he just had no desire to go.

 

A minute had passed and he still hadn't spoken a response to my attack. That was the only word for it. I knew exactly what it was when I said it. Finally he did something. He turned around so that he was completely leaning against the door, using the doorknob to help him balance. By now I had stopped looking at him. Instead I was pretending to be looking at something interesting on the other side of the room. Then I heard the click. By the time I whipped around to him again he was going out the door.

 

This time I wasn't running after him. Clearly he was misguided in some way if he really thought that he could have a better life hanging around his uncle's garage. The thought of it just made me, well pissed. It was the first time I was actually angry about something that had absolutely nothing to do with Jose.

 

It felt a little weird to be going through this. Jose and I rarely ever fought or disagreed because I always followed along with what he thought or said. But, he'd never said or thought anything so completely off the charts that would cause me to stand up to him.

 

The next day, when we still hadn't spoke, I wasn't sure what to do. So I did what I always do. I go up and took a shower, dried my hair, ate breakfast, and waited for Chase to come.

 

He did come, but the drive to school was very quiet. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something, but I really didn't have anything to say. Well that's not true, I had plenty to say, he just wouldn't like it.

 

At school, we walked our usual path, stopping at my locker first, then his. Everything was exactly the same was it was every day, but now it just felt cold. Could lack of words really be the cause for such a different tenor to relationship? Probably not. Both of us must be emitting the mutual feelings between us.

 

After first period, Chase walked me to my class and then left. After that he disappeared. He wasn't in lunch, which was weird, he'd never skipped before. When school got out, he was nowhere around. Usually he walked me to the locker room and we said goodbye, but he was a no-show.

 

I was late to STOMPS because I had waited around for him. When I got to practice, Stacy was already doing vigorous warm-ups.

 

“It's supposed to be a warm-up.” It came out a little harsh. I guess my aggressive feelings for Chase were leaking through here as well.

 

“Ouch. What's wrong with you, trouble in paradise?” Her voice sounded a little dreamy for effect. She wasn't getting me with that. “Come on Rose, tell me. Who else are you going to talk to about these things?” That was enough to get me repeating the story to her. She agreed with me completely on the whole situation, which was nice to hear. Maybe I would tell her things more often.

 

By the time I started talking about what happened today, we were both covered in sweat and panting. When I told her he skipped lunch, she stopped mid-lurch. Which is saying a lot because Stacy never stops in practice.

 

“He really skipped lunch?”

 

“Yes. I have no idea where he went or why. Maybe he left school early because I haven't seen him since.” Stacy was moving again, but this time she was pretending to be concentrating really hard on her dancing . “What is it?”

 

“I'm going to tell you, but I'm not sure how you'll react.”

 

“Just tell me!” I was jumping out of my skin. What could she know that I didn't?

 

“Okay. Well, you know Chase and I have gym together, right?”

 

“No. I just knew when it was.”

 

“But you also knew mine too.”

 

“Fine, I knew, I just never really thought about it.”

 

“Well, he was in gym today, after lunch.”

 

“Okay, so he didn't leave.”

 

“That's not the part I'm worried about.” I glared at her for pausing again and she continued. “When I saw him, I just ignored it because I hadn't realized he skipped lunch. I hadn't figured he actually had time to do it.”

 

“To do what?”

 

“I'm just gonna say he wasn't sober.”

 

“He was drinking at lunch!”

 

“No. Not drinking, something else. Something some of his friends like to do sometimes. Something he hasn't done with them since you guys started dating.” She waited for my brain to turn the wheels. Then they did.

 

“Are you sure he does that?”

 

“Yes. He's talked about it before.”

 

“To you?” Stacy knew where I was going and she cringed a little.

 

“I just. . .”

 

“What, you guys think that I'm too fragile to be included in adult talk?!” I knew I'd already gone too far, so I just left before I said anything else to damage our friendship. Stacy was technically my new best friend and now I was treating her like a threat. She should be the one person I trust most, but my female instincts were screaming at me to keep her, and any other female, away from Chase. But I was also on a level eight pissed off with Chase. Before I had time to fume anymore, I heard my name being yelled.

 

Chase was here for some reason. I can only guess what he was doing in the school parking lot right after school. Ignoring him was only the real option. If I let him get near enough to me, I might start beating him with my hands. He called again, but I kept walking the other way. My plan was to go to my aunts and have her give me a ride to the restaurant to pick up my parent's car. Then I heard his car. He pulled up a little ahead of me and jumped out.

 

“Where are you going? Why are still in your dance clothes?” Now he was acting like a boyfriend. It was way late for that. I pulled away from his grip and just glared at him. If I started talking it would turn into screaming and eventually a break down.

 

“Why are you here?” I gritted my teeth so I wouldn't let anything else slip out.

 

“I was waiting for you.” Ha! What a laugh.

 

“Where were you fifteen minutes ago that you couldn't talk to me after school, like we always do?” I didn't want to do this. All I wanted was to walk away and forget him. He was no good for me and today I was finally seeing it. But I cared about him and that part of me was dragging me into this conversation that he didn't deserve.

 

“I was with some friends.” My face twisted even angrier when he said that. One guess at what they were doing.

 

“Was that really more important than me?” I'd let him know that I knew exactly what he was doing in the way I said this and the way I looked.

 

“No.” He was frozen now. Caught and trying to think of a way to fix it. But he had no idea how far in he was.

 

“The worst part is that Stacy knew. She kept it from me for you. I'm not totally shocked by her because I know what she's capable of. If she can lie to Robert's face then what's the big deal about keeping something from me? I probably wouldn't be shocked to know that she crossed the line with you, because that's who she is. But I don't have anyone else right now so I can't be too picky.”

 

“What are you doing Rose?” I was doing a good job at making him suffer and I wanted to hurt him more, but reason was coming back to me. These words aren't mine, this isn't who I am. I didn't act like this with Jose.

 

“I'm breaking up with you Chase. Unless you have an explanation for everything. I guess it's possible that this is all a misunderstanding.” See, I could be reasonable. He didn't say anything, didn't even try to explain. Then something new occurred to me and I felt a sharp sting in my stomach. “Were you. . .lying to me about everything? Did you think I was so fragile you could just take advantage of me? Did you think I would want to run out and have sex with you because of what Jose did?” More and more irrational thoughts came, but they all seemed possible now.

 

“No Rose, I meant everything.” I could feel the tears coming so I turned away from him. Chase was supposed to be a safe person for me to be with. Now I was feeling almost as cheated as I had with Jose. Stacy was jogging towards me. As soon as she reached me, her arm was around me. A minute later we were in her car.

 

“I'm a terrible friend.”

 

“Stacy, we were two separate people before we were friends. Those people don't go away because we like each other. I'm really not mad at you.” I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. Now that I was away from him, I could control the tears.

 

“You seem really upset Rose. What Chase did isn't that bad. That's just the kind of guy he is. He parties. That's why I know, we've been to parties together.”

 

“When?”

 

“This is just getting worse isn't it? Okay. Chase and Kevin are friends. So when I dated Kevin, we saw Chase a lot. Even before that, Chase went to parties last year when I dated Robert. It's pretty common knowledge the crowd he's in.”

 

I was done. I didn't want to hear any more of it. When Stacy dropped me off at my house, I didn't even say goodbye. The rest of the night, I went through the motions, waiting until it was acceptable to go to bed.

 

Around two o'clock something woke me up. I glanced at the clock, then around the room. Just as I reached him, he spoke.

 

“Don't shout, your parents will hear you.” I sat up quickly because I really couldn't do much else. I wanted to scream, but my parents would kill me if they found Chase here. “I had to talk to you and it couldn't wait till tomorrow. Plus I didn't want you running away from me. Now let's get the obvious out the way. I did ditch you, twice, to hang out with my friends and participate in banned recreation activities.” I rolled my eyes, but I doubt he saw it in the dark. “But I wanted to calm down before I talked to you. I'd planned on doing it after you got out of practice. That's why I was in the parking lot when you came out.”

 

“Are you calm now?” I was trying to be sarcastic.

 

“Very. Much more so than at school today.” What the hell did that mean?

 

“Were you drinking too Chase?” He waited a minute before answering.

 

“Yes, but just listen Rose. I'm not drunk. I want to explain it to you, but first we need to talk about last night.”

 

“No Chase, you need to tell me why you're suddenly doing this crap”

 

“I'm not suddenly doing anything Rose. I've been doing it the entire time we've been together and even around you.” How stupid was I that I didn't even notice.

 

“How many times Chase?”

 

“It might be easier to tell you how many times I didn't”

 

“Why?”

 

“Partly because I always have, but mostly because being with you makes me anxious and nervous. You don't like it when I'm like that. Believe it or not, you like me better when I'm relaxed. You don't believe me. Fine, think about our best memories.” I did. It wasn't hard since we had only been together a short time. “Now I'll tell you when I've done it around you. The day you found me in the IT wing, I'd just come back. Then we left and talked for hours. I never would have been able to do that sober. Homecoming, and a lot because I knew there would be trouble. And then again after Homecoming, on the way to Troy's, well drinking at least. Every morning before I pick you up. Every time I come to your house at night.” I put up hand for him to stop. No matter what he said, I couldn't just think it was okay to do that.

 

“Are you trying to say smoking pot and drinking are not a bad things?”

 

“I'm trying to say the guy you like being with so much does those things, all the time, around you. It's still me.”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“I want you to stop judging what you don't understand, what you don't know. Have you ever even tried any of it?”I wanted to be mad because what he said made me feel young and immature. But there was that little twinge that did want to know what things were like. Then all the things that have been told to me over the years came back. Drugs are bad, drinking is bad. Chase could see me on the edge. “Stacy and I have done it together before Rose. That's why we talk about it.” If he was hoping to make me jealous, he completely succeeded. I hated that he'd shared something with her, any girl, and not me. So, fifteen minutes later. . .

 

I was laughing and laughing and then I was really hungry and thirsty.

 

“Gosh Rose, you'd probably get high if someone blew smoke in your face, the way your acting after just two small puffs.” I'd thought my parents would wake up after my coughing fits. We decided after two tries that I better quit.

 

“Why aren't you like me? You had so much more.” Things looked strange, but Chase seemed to be the same.

 

“It doesn't really do that to me anymore. For me, it's just calming.”

 

“How long have you been doing it?”

 

“A while. My mom and dad showed me the first time. They said they wanted me doing it in a safe environment.” Normally my mouth would have been hanging to the floor, but the pot was completely inhibiting me.

 

“And they wonder why they live in a trailer park. Oh, did I just say that. I'm sorry Chase that was so mean.”

 

“It's okay Rose. I don't blame you even if you really do think that. My parents have screwed up a lot and now they really don't have much to show for it. Rose, what are you doing.”

 

“Making it up to you.” It was so easy to just touch him and be near him. I wasn't afraid of being embarrassed or rejected.

 

“No way Rose. Aren't you tired yet?”

 

“I wasn't, not until you said that.” The next thing I knew light was coming in through the windows. Chase was still in my bed. I jabbed him a few times and he stirred.

 

“Hey.”

 

“You have to go.”

 

“Why, it's not a school day, it's Thanksgiving.”

 

“Yeah and my mom is probably already up and cooking. You need to leave and not come back until eleven.”

 

“You're not mad anymore?”

 

“I'm not ready to break up with you. As far as the other stuff. I didn't really like it and I don't want to do again, so don't even ask me. In fact, I don't really want to talk about it.”

 

“So you're not going to get mad when I do it.”

 

“Just keep it away from me Chase. Let me just take it one day at a time.”

 

“Good, because today is going to be the most stressful day of my life.”

 

“Chase, what do you not get about no talking?”

“All right, I'm leaving.”

 

“Don't let anyone see you.” When he was gone I could finally think about everything that had happened. It all seemed really pointless to me. Who wants to be hungry and fall asleep? I was obviously missing something. But Chase seemed fine. He was exactly the same as he always was. It was hard to believe that it really didn't alter him the way it did me. I couldn't believe I was about to just keep seeing him, like it didn't matter. But I guess it didn't, not yet.

 

 

4

 

“I'm leaving, so see you tomorrow.” Anna was going to the Porter's, again. She was spending at least one night a week there since she told me about the thing with her and Sam Porter. I didn't like it. Who knew what went on during the night. That's stupid, my sister's a good girl. She even said herself it's not like that, yet.

 

“Don't their parents ever get tired of you?”

 

“I don't think so. They're really nice. It's getting to where I'm part of their routine somehow, at least once a week. I even get my favorite for breakfast on Saturday's.”

 

“Mrs. Porter makes you pancakes every Saturday.”

 

“Well not just for me, everyone likes them. But she did start making them after Mr. Porter asked me my favorite food.”

 

“Why would he care about your favorite food?”

 

“How should I know? He just asked, probably being nice.” Anna bounced away and turned my attention back to Cesar. Before Anna came in, we were discussing what had happened during the Ortega Thanksgiving. Most of us have huge family events during the holidays. The Ortegas are no different. Rose's parents had invited Chase to come, as sort of a formal meeting. Cesar was here letting me know how things went.

 

“So, you were saying.” Cesar preferred that I speak Spanish, so I was trying to oblige.

But I'm not sure what is worse, me speaking Spanish or him speaking English. Probably the latter, that's why I was doing this the hard way.

 

“He stayed close to Rose all night. A few times he was on his own and them someone would talk to him and make sure he felt comfortable. My aunt and uncle were pleasant but not too friendly.”

 

“How did he act?”

 

“Calm. He had smooth words and smiled a lot. I can't see why anyone would disapprove, at least from just that night.”

 

“If they knew what he was really like they would.”

 

“You can't Jose. Your parents said back off.”

 

“I know!” I hadn't meant to shout, but the story had aggravated me and I needed somewhere to vent my frustrations.

 

“You should date someone else Jose.” I gave him a warning look. He was pushing it with me.

 

“Don't think that I don't know you like him. I know you play baseball with him, but do not forget where your loyalties should be.”

 

“I know my loyalties Jose. The reason I suggested it, was to make her jealous. If Rose truly meant the words she's said to you over the years, then dating another will make her unhappy. And. . .” He paused and looked like he wasn't sure if he should finish. I motioned with my hand that he should continue. “If you date Mandy, she'll be insane with jealousy.”

 

“I've hurt Rose enough, I don't want to hurt her more.”

 

“If she comes back to you, won't it be worth it?”

 

“And if she doesn't?”

 

“Then she never was going to anyway, and having her more angry with you will only help you move on.” His advice was sitting hard with me. Mandy had been trying to contact me since I split with Rose, so dating her would only be too easy. There was no doubt Rose would be jealous and that it would show through to anyone who knew her well. It was possible that she would come back to me. But the more likely outcome would be for Chase to see how strong her feelings still were. If she reacted strongly enough, he wouldn't be able to ignore it. That might be enough for him to end it with her. Rose may never forgive me, which I could live with, but I couldn't stand the thought of her with a low life like him.

 

My mind was made, so I sent Mandy a text and waited. Great, she was at one of Malcolm's parties. Maybe it was better this way, to get our relationship out in public as soon as possible.

 

I knew I didn't know anyone at the party, but I wasn't about to call one of my friends. Most of them wouldn't want to be part of this, even if there was a chance for us to get Rose back. They loved her too and didn't want her hurt. But they didn't realize how bad Chase was for like I did.

 

Mandy was waiting for me when I walked up to the house. She looked nice in her way. Mandy wasn't beautiful, but she was pretty enough. Honestly I'd always liked her more for her personality. She's much smarter than Rose and we could talk about things Rose was never interested in. It didn't take Mandy long to figure out how to work me. I could have stayed faithful to Rose, but Mandy knew what she was doing with me all along. But I don't blame her. It was my choice and I definitely enjoyed every second I was with her.

 

“Are you ready to party?”

 

“Sure.” She led me into the house and handed me something in a red cup. I sipped a little, but my aim tonight wasn't to get drunk. Then there was a pleasant surprise standing a few feet from me. He'd seen me first and made his way over.

 

“This is warm, can you find me another.” I needed her away if I was going to talk to Chase. She would see through me if she heard me speaking to him.

 

“Well, well, well, the perfect boyfriend is slumming in the party scene, or are you just here for a little action.” Chase was drunk and all for pressing his luck with me.

 

“Where's Rose?”

 

“Rose is working. She does that a lot, then she has homework, so I guess I won't get to see her tonight.”

 

“So you decided it was okay to get drunk?”

 

“Rose knows what I like to do and she's okay with it. I don't need to lie to Rose.”

 

“Rose doesn't understand what she's accepting.”

 

“At least she doesn't have to worry about me cheating on her.”

 

“You will. Rose won't give you what you want and you'll find it somewhere else.”

 

“That's where you're wrong. I'll wait for Rose and I doubt it will be long. It really didn't take long for me to get her to. . .”

 

“Hey Chase.” Mandy was back and handing me a drink. If she hadn't come up, I might have just lost control. Were his words a bluff?

 

“Do you think this will make her jealous?” His eyes went back and forth between me and Mandy, settling back on me. “It will only make her realize that she definitely made the right choice.”

 

“Don't worry about what I do and if I were you Chase, I'd stay out of my way. I'm willing to risk the consequences for another shot at your face.”

 

“Ooh. All right Jose, enjoy yourself.” I pulled Mandy away because I was already on edge.

 

“Let's get out of here.” Parties were never my scene and I didn't want to be anywhere near him.

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

“Can we go to your house? Will your parents care?”

 

“They're out tonight. We should be able to get in, but after they get home getting out might me a problem.”

 

“I'll risk it.” We took separate cars and I drove home and walked to her house. Our housed were only blocks from each other. After I got to her house, things were easier than I thought. This time I didn't have to feel the guilt about what I was doing. Somehow it was even better than it had been before. Plus there was the little added bonus of seeing Rose's face on Monday when she saw us together in English.

 

 

5

 

“Chase, stop. I'm serious, I need to go to Stacy's.” Chase ignored me and continued to explore his way under my shirt. That was the most we were doing for now. In fact, we'd actually taken a step back since Homecoming. Chase knew how I felt about things, but he still pushed me until I was always telling him I wanted to slow down. He was being particularly insistent tonight. “Are you listening to me?”

 

“Not really.” He backed off just a little. “Come on Rose, this is one of the few times we're completely alone and you want to run off to Stacy. I told you not to check your phone.” Now he was being even more persuasive and somehow I'd lost my shirt and bra in this process.

 

“Hey, this is the wrong way Chase. I'm supposed to be leaving. Listen, Robert just broke up with her. I need to go over there and see if she's okay.” Finally he pulled completely away from me and I had his attention.

 

“Robert really did it?”

 

“Yes, so you know she's going to be upset.”

 

“Maybe, but I bet Kevin's gonna be happy.”

 

“Kevin Bailey? I didn't think it was very serious.”

 

“Hey, Kevin never gave too many details, but he really had it bad for Stacy and he was definitely pissed when she broke things off with him right before the play performance. When her and Robert broke up the first time, he was so excited she finally slept with him. I bet he'd take her back.”

 

“Chase, she loves Robert. She's not going to want to just go back to Kevin.”

 

“Why not? How long did it take you to date me?” Well what was I going to say to that?

 

“Fine, she might date him, but I'm not going to be the one to tell her to.” But Chase had stopped listening again. Now he was just staring at my chest.

 

“You're beautiful everywhere Rose. You have no idea how insane I'm going. I know you want to wait for sex, but there are so many other things we can do. Will you please just consider some of those things?” I did as he asked and thought about what he wanted. We had so little time together that the physical things hadn't come up since he walked out on me. From my experience with Jose, I knew I really wanted to do those things. With Jose it was so easy to say yes, but not so much with Chase. This was stupid, I may not be ready for sex, but I couldn't keep treating this relationship like we were still in junior high.

 

“Okay, what do you suggest?”

 

And three minutes later the whole thing was over. Chase seemed like a new guy and I was exactly the same. It really didn't do much for me. Well, I was glad he was happy, but that was about it.

 

“Does it usually take about that long?” His face was bright read and he look away, completely embarrassed.

 

“No. That was pretty fast for me, but you're right here, half naked and I was already so worked up.”

 

“Chase, I don't care how long it takes as long as I did it right.”

 

“Yes. Yes you did.” Just then I got another text from Stacy. “Let's go, I'll give you a ride.” What an amazing thing. A few little hand shakes and he was completely changed. He went from crazy boyfriend who wouldn't even listen to a word I had to say, to sweet nice guy who hops up to give me a ride.

 

Chase dropped me off and said to call when I needed a ride home. Stacy was locked in her room. Her mom cut me off before I went in.

 

“Hey Rose, I'm glad you're here. It's pretty bad. He just sent her an email.” What!

 

“What?!”

 

“He said they needed to see other people or something like that.”

 

“Do you think he's seeing someone else?”

 

“No, but she does, of course. She's out of her mind, convinced he was cheating all along. Maybe you can calm her down.” I nodded and headed to her room. She was a sad sight. Her hair looked like it had once been in a ponytail, but now it was hanging out of the hair tie in clumps. I'd never seen eyes as red as hers, not even my own the night I found out about Jose.

 

“He was just here Rose. He left and a few hours later, it was over. Just like that, we're done. There has to be someone else. Why else would he tell me to give it a shot with Kevin?”

 

“He really said that? In plain words?”

 

“Yes Rose! Do you think I would make that up?!” I let her anger at me slide because I knew her pain all too well.

 

“Maybe he is Rose, but you have to think about how hard it's been for him, knowing about you and Kevin.”

 

“Of course you'd side with him. You two are both victims of monsters like me and Jose.”

 

“I didn't say that and I didn't think it Stacy. I'll let you go so far because I knew you're really hurting. But I've never taken Robert's side. You and Robert are completely different from me and Jose. Jose didn't just cheat on me, he chose to share himself with some stranger for the first time instead of me. He wanted her more than me. He didn't really want to marry me because if he did, he would have had sex with me, not her. It was the first time I'd said it out loud and that somehow made it all real. Now I was breaking down and we were hugging each other tight.

 

“Rose . . ?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Could you forgive him? I mean, is there even the smallest chance you might take him back someday.” Somehow she thought my answer would be the same as Robert's if he were asked the same question. But I answered her honestly. It was an honesty I hadn't wanted to admit, but something I'd known was true from the moment I walked away from him.

 

“Yes.” There were no more questions and no more crying for us that night. We sat together a little longer and I called Chase to get me, leaving her in nearly the same pitiful state.

 

The next day things started off a little strange. Cesar and Julio were completely silent during keyboarding. Usually one or both of them have a few words with Chase, and Cesar and I might talk a little as well. They weren't even talking to each other. Instead they sat with guilty looks on their faces.

 

When I was in Spanish second period, I watched everyone for signs of distress. A few were normal like, but most of them mirrored Julio and Cesar. I was dying to know what was happening, but after the last few months I didn't deserve anything from them. Had someone in the family passed away and I just didn't know? What could make them all seem so sullen?

 

At lunch time, Anna found me with Chase. She looked very different from the last time I had seen her. There was no more sadness set in her eyes and her skin was less pale. But she still had that same avoidance about her.

 

“I'm sorry to bother you guys.”

 

“You're not Anna.” Before she started talking, she looked over at Chase.

 

“Maybe we should talk alone.”

 

“Anna. You know how it is.”

 

“Fine, but I tried to warn you. Jose is officially dating Mandy Jackson now. He didn't want anyone telling you, but it would be cruel to let you walk into class next hour without any warning.” It was actually a good thing Chase was sitting there, because that gave me a reason not to completely lose it. I knew Jose would date, but not her. He knew how it would make me feel and he's doing it anyway. Suddenly I was aware that two sets of eyes were gauging my reaction, looking for signs of distress.

 

“Thanks Anna, but you don't need to update me on him. Of course Jose's gonna date people. But it doesn't bother me like you think.” I hadn't convinced her, which meant I probably hadn't convinced Chase, but at least I was keeping a straight face.

 

“Rose, that was the bell. Let's go.” Anna had already left and Chase was leading me to class. We usually parted at the stairs, but today he walked me all the way to class.

 

“You're going to be late.”

 

“I'd stay the whole period if they'd let me.”

 

“Really, I'm fine Chase.” He rolled his eyes at me and stopped walking. We were already at my classroom.

 

“Just do something for me Rose.”

 

“What?” Instead of words, he kissed me an easy, soft kiss.

 

“Remember that okay? Remember that we have this.” I took a deep breath and turned to walk into the classroom. It felt like the room was looking at me, but they probably all weren't. Over and over in my head I said `don't look,' but that just makes you have to look. So I looked real quick. Mistake. She was leaning against the register and he was blocking most of her from everyone else. His arms were on either side of her, letting him lean into to her. He talked to her softly and she laughed. I went to my seat and didn't turn around again. Why did Stacy have to have a crisis today? When the bell rang, I was the first to leave.

 

The rest of the day was torture. I held everything in as tight as I could. Chase had to work and Stacy was gone from school, so I took the bus to the restaurant. We were busy, so my mind was only allowed to stray a few times to the picture so vivid in my mind. I knew Jose had been with her, but seeing it was so much worse. After close, I rode home with my parents. I was glad for once that I didn't have a cell phone so I could easily ignore Chase. I told my parents I was going straight to bed. The phone rang not long after that, but they didn't disturb me.

 

Once I was alone, I took out my photo albums, the one thing I hadn't packed away. In no time I was crying and thinking about how everything in my life had been ruined. I let myself sink back into who I was a few months ago when my whole life was about Jose. Somehow I had been happy with that lie.

 

“Rose, I'm sorry.” If anyone else had walked in on me in that state, I would have been deeply embarrassed, but it wasn't anyone, it was Anna. Anna, my once best friend and sister. She knew how I would feel and she came for me even though I'd thrown her away. Anna pulled the books away from me and stacked them neatly in the closet, all the way in the back. Then she came back to sit next to me on the bed. Once her arms were around me, I let go of everything.

 

 

6

 

 

“Get up!” Someone was shouting around me, but I was still half asleep and too disorientated to know what was going on. “Jose, get your ass up now!” I must still be dreaming, because the person yelling at me was Anna and Anna would never say `ass'. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my knee.

 

“Aw! Anna you know that's the bad knee.”

 

“You're damn right I know it's the bad knee. Now get up.” This time I sat up, keeping the cover over my boxers. Anna saw me and rolled her eyes.

 

“Give me a break Jose. Do you know where I've been for the last two hours?”

 

“Do I care?” I was still too tired to even attempt to understand what she was getting at. She made and attempt to smash my knee again, but I moved out of the way. “Okay, okay, what's wrong?”

 

“I was with Rose, who is having a complete breakdown.” I fought the temptation to smile, knowing Anna would whack me again if I did.”

 

“What do you want me to do? Rose is supposed to be nonexistent for me.”

 

“I want you to stop playing games. Why do you have to keep hurting her?” Anna was making me out to the villain in all this when all I wanted was for Rose to be safe.

 

“Now you listen Anna. I will do whatever I have to, to keep Anna away from Chase Dylan.'

 

“You don't even know him. I've met him and he seems nice. He's good to her.”

 

“That just shows how much you know about guys. He's not good for her and he's just using her.”

 

“Are you sure?” No, but even if he wasn't, he wasn't good enough for her. “Just think about how you're hurting her. It's not going to make her take you back, and it's definitely not going to scare Chase away.” I gave her no indication that I'd even heard her. She had no idea what she was talking about. When it came to men, she was as clueless as Rose. “Are you listening to me?!” Anna was shouting again.

 

“What's going on in here? You're going to wake up your father.” We both turned around to see our mother in the doorway behind Anna, already dressed for bed. Anna looked back at me, but didn't say anything. She wouldn't say anything to mom about this. Anna was loyal to me, even if I was being a jerk.

 

“I was just leaving mom.”

 

“And where do you think you're going?”

 

“The Porters.” My mother's back stiffened a little at the name. Maybe she'd somehow found out Anna was getting close to their son. She wouldn't like her baby girl dating a junior.

 

“On a school night?” Her arms were now folded across her chest, her tone a little threatening. Anna seemed oblivious.

 

“Yeah. They don't mind. Mr. Porter said I'm always welcome.” Before mom get another word in, Anna fled the room. A few minutes later, a car honked and Anna left. I wondered who picked her up this late. It must have been Porter. Even more mysterious was the fact that mom let her go. It was almost midnight.

 

After Anna's interrogation, I couldn't get back to sleep, big surprise. So I headed toward the kitchen to get something to eat. On my way I had to pass the office. Normally I would have kept walking, but the door was closed and a muffled voice was talking inside. My first thought was that my parents were arguing about Anna leaving, but why would they be doing that in the office?

 

Slowly I went back upstairs to my parents' bedroom and cracked the door. My father was still asleep on the bed. Then I felt a drop in my stomach as I realized mom must be talking to James Walton. Without even thinking, I went to my room, turned off the lights and closed the door. Then I went to the guest bedroom and grabbed the phone. I slid next the bed so that my mother wouldn't see me if she happened to walk by for some reason. Ever so gently, I lifted the receiver and brought it to my ear.

 

“She can't just come over any time she wants.” My mother's voice was a harsh whisper.

 

“Damn it Marie. She thinks of us as her family, for the first time in her whole life. I won't turn her away, ever. How can you ask me to?” His voice was suddenly low and I thought he might be crying. Why would Mr. Porter care if Anna felt like part of the family? Why was he calling my mother Marie?

 

“I know.” My mother's voice was barely audible and I thought maybe, for the first time in my life, I could hear her crying.

 

“Please Marie, don't, it's already hard enough. I'm the one who's had to be without her for the last fifteen years.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You said it had to be this way.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Then let me have this, please Marie.” There was nothing else. She must have hung up the phone and he followed without so much as a goodbye.

 

I went back to my room, no longer hungry. The wheels in my head had been turning nonstop since the end of the conversation. When I was sure my mother had went to bed for the night, I changed my clothes and headed out the door.

 

 

7

 

It was two o'clock and I was still awake. This was so reminiscent of the night I'd found out about Jose and Mandy for the first time. I would be without sleep again. Then I heard the familiar scrapping against the wall. The sound of someone coming to my window. Jose had been the only person to ever do this and the thought was nearly impossible that he would be the one doing it now. So it had to be Chase. I guess he had done it once, but I was asleep at the time. Chase had come, assuming I would be upset. But it was too late for him to come over.

 

I eyed my window carefully as it creaked slowly open. Then a leg slid in and body with head. When the head came in, I could see the hair, not Chase's.

 

“Are you awake Rose?” Jose had come. How could he come here? Part of me wanted to run at him and push him down while he was still partway in the window.

 

“What do you want?” He didn't answer, but instead crossed the room and climbed into my bed. I was so shocked I didn't try to move away. His arms reached around my waist and his head settled on my stomach. I tried to slide away, but his arms were locked tightly in place. Then he started shaking and I felt wetness on my shirt from his tears. “No Jose. You can't come here and do this.” I struggled again, but he squeezed tighter. “What are you doing? Let go of me. You can't just break my heart and then put on this show to get me back.” The shaking and the tears were so much more intense now that I realized this might not be about me. Suddenly I panicked. My heart was pounding and I was struggling with him for a different reason. I wanted him to look at me and tell me what happened. Finally I took his face in my hands and forced it up.

 

“Is everyone okay? Is someone hurt? Tell me what's going on Jose!” Now I was practically sobbing by his silence.

 

“No one's hurt. But if there's any part of you that still loves me, please don't make me leave.” His head went back down to my waist and I relaxed. Everyone was okay, but then why was he here? Not for me, then who or what? We laid together for a long time before his shaking slowed and then nearly stopped. Somehow I had managed to doze off, only to be awakened by his soft kisses traveling slowly up my body. I knew what he was doing, knew I was supposed to yell at him, but I wanted to stay in that place where I was not quite awake, but not quite asleep. If I stayed here, I could just pretend the last few months hadn't happened and this would be okay.

 

When I didn't stop him he became even more excited, moving faster until he finally reached my mouth. I must be crazy to want this from him, but somehow his excitement for me was compelling me to respond. Maybe it was my jealousy over Mandy, but whatever the reason, my hands reached to pull off his shirt. He left my lips only for a second to remove it the rest of the way. I eagerly welcomed him back and might have continued on that path if he hadn't spoken.

 

“Let's make it right Rose. Tonight, let me take you.” My body was the first to respond by igniting an explosion from way low. Then my head stepped in and remembered why this would never be right. I broke away and turned my head from him. His entire body tensed for a moment and he closed his eyes. After a few seconds he backed off of me.

 

“It'll never be right Jose. You ruined it.”

 

“I know Rose, but it can still be wonderful.”

 

“I know it would be, but you don't deserve to have me, not anymore.” I broke off at the end, fighting not to cry. “You ruined everything when. . .” I swallowed hard. “you slept with her.” I was done holding it all in. He should see how much pain he'd caused me. I brought my knees to my chest and buried my head. I felt his hand brush my shoulder and I threw it off. “Just get out. Get out of here.” I couldn't look up, but I heard him slide the window open. “Are you going to go to her?” I'd moved my head from my knees, forcing him to look right in my eyes. It surprised me to see his so full of anger instead of sorrow.

 

“If you won't have me, I guess I'll have to.” He slid out the window and left me something entirely different and nearly as horrible to think about. How was I going to tell Chase what just happened?

 

The next day, I did try, but it all went wrong. Chase picked me up, as usual and we set of for school. I'd chosen my words and I was ready to hit him with the blow.

 

“Something happened last night, we should talk about it.”

 

“What?” I wanted to remember his face like this, soft and easy. In a minute it was going to look completely different. Before I could start, Chase grabbed his phone and sighed.

 

“What?”

 

“Stacy wants me to tell you that she's not coming to school again.”

 

“I should call her. I'm worried about her.” Chase looked like he wanted to say something. “You don't think I should call her?”

 

“I think Stacy's made her bed.”

 

“That's not fair Chase. Stacy loves Robert, she was just. . .”

 

“Just what Rose? Not only did she want another guy, she acted on it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad Kevin had a shot at her, but if I was Robert, I never would have given her another chance. And I would have kicked Kevin's ass. Again, I'm glad he didn't because I would be fighting too, but that doesn't change how I feel.”

 

“So, you'd leave me if I cheated?” He didn't look at me and he didn't say anything.

 

“The only way you'd cheat on me is if you really cared about the other person. If you cared about them more than me. So, the answer is yes. I wouldn't stick around after that.” Could I still tell him, knowing I would definitely loose him? “So, what was so weird about last night?”

 

“Um. Anna came over and we hung out.”

 

“Yeah, good. Anna's nice and I know how much you miss her. You should do it again sometime.” I guess I wasn't telling him today.

 

8

 

Nearly a month had passed and I'd managed to make it through Christmas without killing my mother, telling Anna, or beating Mr. Porter to a pulp. There were so many unanswered questions, but I'd decided that the only thing I could do was forget what I'd heard. Forget that Anna and I had different fathers. Forget that my mother was in love with another man and had been for years. Forget that my mother had betrayed everyone she ever knew so that she could have his child. Or maybe it was an accident. Either way, I had to forget.

 

But even if I did forget, there was still a problem of gigantic proportions staring me in the face. Sam freaking Porter. Anna wanted to date Porter, but that couldn't happen. So far, nothing had happened or so I thought. It was making me sick just to think about if it had. Somehow I had to figure out a way to keep them apart without letting her know. She would be devastated and I had to protect her. With all of this going around in my head I had another dilemma. Rose.

 

I was still dating Mandy as I told Rose I would. Here' how I looked at that situation. If Rose meant what she said and never wanted to be with me, then Mandy wasn't the worst person to spend time with. But if there was a chance that Rose still wanted me, seeing me with Mandy would make her very jealous. If Rose was jealous of us, at the very least Chase would see that and maybe get out. At the most, she would come back to me. It had almost driven her to give herself to me the night she found out I was seeing Mandy again. Either way, I would stay with Mandy.

 

Thinking about that night reminded me of another matter that needed dealt with. Rose still hadn't told Chase about that night. The two of them were prancing around a little too happily for my taste. Chase is too proud to let something like that slide. Rose assumed he would leave her if she told him, and she must not want that. But it was so unlike Rose to keep a lie. This was both good and bad. If she loved him, she'd never lie to him. Therefore, she didn't love him which was good. The bad thing was that he couldn't break it off as long as she kept our night a secret. I wanted to be the one to tell him, to watch the glow of triumph he'd had so many times when speaking to me go out. But I wouldn't tell him, the longer she waited, the worse it hurt him and I wanted him to hurt.

 

Before I could figure out what to do about all of these things, fate forced me to make several decisions in one night. We'd been back at school a few days since winter break. Mandy and I were going to the basketball game, mostly to see Anna cheer. The JV game finished and we were about to leave when the unthinkable happened. My little sister kissed Porter in front of everyone in the gym. They were near the center of the court, on the sidelines. She was openly holding his hand and touching. Porter looked a little terrified at first too. Then he met my eyes and looked even worse.

 

I told Mandy we needed to stay. She didn't seem to care about that. During the game, I worked out the best way for me to go about. There was really only one option to keep Anna from this. I had to tell Porter and hope he cared enough about her to do the right thing. As soon as the game was over, I hurtled myself down the steps to be the first thing he saw.

 

“We need to talk Porter. We'll get together soon.” He only seemed to be half listening. As soon as I'd finished, his eyes were looking in another direction. I walked away, but still followed his gaze. Troy Akers was walking up to him. Anna was there first, but only for a moment. Someone pulled her away. I kept watching Troy and Porter. Both of them looked upset, but in a weird way.

 

“Are you ready yet?” I'd forgotten about Mandy.

 

“Do you mind going ahead? I forgot I promised Anna I'd help her with something.” Mandy didn't mind, which I knew she wouldn't. She was always easy going. I glanced back at Porter. He was telling Anna goodbye. Good, he'd be alone tonight. The sooner I could talk to him the better.

 

As soon as Anna was out of sight, I went to the parking lot. There I waited until Porter came out. I planned on talking to him now, because this definitely couldn't wait. When Porter did come out, he wasn't alone. Troy Akers was with him. I decided to follow them, hoping to still be able to talk to Porter about this.

 

They headed to a part of town I knew well, but was sure Porter didn't live here. So this must be Troy's house. When they went in, I leaned back in the seat. Porter couldn't stay here all night.

A little while later, I heard a car pull up. It was Essie Akers. She didn't get very far before another car pulled in behind her. This person I didn't recognize. I turned back around, not too concerned with what they were doing.

 

Another forty-five minutes later, Porter came out. He heard my door slam and jumped back against his own car.

 

“We need to talk Porter.”

 

9

 

By the time Christmas had come a few weeks later, I still hadn't told him. It was wearing me down pretty bad too. So many times, I tried to tell him, but things were so good I didn't want to ruin it. Kevin and Stacy were going out with us all the time and we were all having so much fun together. Chase's job was going well and paying well so he bought me a prepaid cell phone `plenty' of minutes, or so he told me. He said he was tired of never being able to get a hold of me. The best part about Christmas was that I got a car. The restaurant was doing well, so my parents bought a second car and I got the old one. It worked out perfectly because Chase would be starting baseball soon. So I never told him.

 

A week later, all hell broke loose, as they say. Stacy found out Robert cheated on her, wanted to propose, and that Kevin was cheating on her all in one night. A few days later, Kevin broke off the relationship. So there went our happy foursome. Chase found out he was failing two subjects and probably going to summer school. He was more mad about losing work time to make up his classes than he was about failing. Apparently this summer was going to be filled with working at the `garage'. Then to top it all off, Chase and Stacy got into it at the basketball game.

 

I had found it odd that she still wanted to go. We had planned it as the four of us, but when Stacy called and asked if she could still come, I felt bad and said sure. Chase made sure we sat away from Kevin, Essie, and Troy. That didn't stop Stacy from talking about them from the moment she saw them.

 

“I can't believe they're sitting together. Unless. . .” She looked down the court.

 

“Who are you looking for?”

 

“Oh. Mitch. I was thinking he might be behind that.”

 

“Why would Mitch be planning anything Stacy?” Chase's voice was a little threatening, but Stacy just smiled in response.

 

“Why did you think I came here tonight? Did you think I wanted to spy on them? Believe me, that wasn't the case.”

 

“Then why did you come Stacy?” Her smile widened.

 

“I had a conversation with Mitch about his brother and his, well they're Essie. I won't go into details, but let's just say I left him pretty convinced that there was something going on.”

 

“When did you talk to him?” Chase was completely serious, but Stacy was still acting like this was a big game.

 

“Right after Kevin decided to break up with me for someone else, who wasn't Essie though.” This time she even laughed. I stared at her, thinking she must truly be broken to be do that to anyone, especially brothers.

 

“I can't believe you Stacy. It's not your place to get in between them.” He stood up to leave. “Rose, I'm going to talk to Kevin. When I get back, she better not be here.” I just stared after him with my mouth hanging open.

 

“Don't worry Rose, I won't make you choose. I know how you hate to do anything that isn't super sweet.” Her voice raised and octave on the last two words. If she'd wanted to hurt me too, she did. Stacy moved away from us and I was alone, but not for long. Chase was back a minute later.

 

“Can we just go?”

 

“I'm not sure Rose, Kevin might need me.”

 

“I need you Chase, now.” It wasn't my style to tell him what to do, but it couldn't wait any longer and Stacy's comment was still so fresh in my head. “Let's go to my house.” Suddenly Chase couldn't leave fast enough. I'd thrown him in a completely different direction. I let the lie lay. At least we were leaving. My plan was to tell him as soon as we were safely in my house, in private. Chase had other ideas and I am hormonal sixteen year old, so I got detoured.

 

The moment the front door closed, he was everywhere on me. I managed to say `bedroom' in between everything else that was going on. However small, there was a chance my parents would come home early. Chase was on me like he'd never been before. It was completely intoxicating. A hundred times more than the night with Jose had been. Chase was pulling and pushing and grabbing everything he could. He was whispering `I love you' to me and I automatically said it back. If even possible, his movements intensified.

 

“Do you mean it Rose?” I did. I loved him and I wanted him. It wasn't the love a wife has for a husband, but it was some kind of love and it was enough for me give myself to him. But I had to be sure he loved me too. He was so crazed right now, he'd say anything to get to what he wanted.

 

“I mean it Chase.”

 

“Say it again.”

 

“I love you Chase.”

 

“Rose will you please? If you say no, I'll go crazy.”

 

“I will, but I need to know you mean it, you really mean it.”

 

“God Rose, I do. You know I do.” It was taking so long for me to get it out because in between our words was touching and kissing and rubbing.

 

“If you really mean it, then you'll love me, even when I make mistakes.”

 

“Of course.” He was busy removing our clothes that I didn't think he was even listening anymore so I just blurted it out.

 

“Jose came to me a few weeks ago.” Chase froze, but he didn't move away from me or let go.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don't know, he never told me.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Here. I was sleeping when he came in through the window.”

 

“It's not your fault that he came over Rose, but you still should have told me.” I hadn't realized I was looking away from him until I felt his finger move my chin back to face him. “Unless there's more.” My heart was pounding with the fear of what was going to happen when he made me tell him the rest. A small tear slid out from my eyelid and down my cheek. It landed on his hand that was still holding my face.

 

“He kissed me and I kissed him.”

 

“What else?” I was terrified to go on more than ever because of the fury in his eyes. I'd never seen them that dark. “What else Rose!” His shouting made me jump back. “Don't do that Rose. Even if you tell me you had sex with him, I wouldn't hurt you. So don't be afraid to tell me what happened.” He'd gained control of himself again, so I told him the worst of it.

 

“Some touching, but I stopped him and made him leave. But you should know, while things were happening I wanted to be with him, just for a few moments. I still love him I guess.

 

When he didn't say anything, I tried to touch him, but he jerked away. So I sat far back, against the head board. He was now at the edge of the bed, holding his head with his head.

 

“You should have waited to tell me Rose, for your sake at least.” He paused and sniffed a little and I knew he was crying. “If you'd waited until we had sex, I couldn't have broken up with you. I wouldn't have broken up with you. But we didn't have sex. So I don't have to feel bad when I tell you that I don't want you anymore.”

 

“You don't mean that Chase.” He was already getting dressed. “You just said you loved me and could forgive me for making a mistake.” My already fragile heart couldn't take even another crack.

 

“How you feel isn't a mistake Rose. . .” He was fighting to control his shaking before finishing. “. . and besides, haven't you ever heard guys will say anything to get sex. I just wanted sex Rose and now I don't so I'm leaving.”

 

“That's not true Chase. If you just wanted sex, then you wouldn't be so upset. You'd be having sex with me, but instead you're trying to hurt me.”

 

“You're damn right Rose. I gave you everything I could, but it's not enough. I knew it wouldn't be. You'll always love him, want him more than me. Before I could take it, but not now, not when I love you like this. It kills me Rose.” My tears were no longer drops, but never ending streams flowing from my eyes. His pain was breaking me as much as it was breaking him. There was no doubt in my mind to how much I loved him.

 

“That's not true. I want you a hundred times more than I want him I swear. I told him no and I told you yes. Please don't leave me Chase.” Without thinking, I took off the rest of my clothes, willing to do anything to keep him. After I was undressed, I didn't quite know what to do. There were still tears in my eyes, which made the moment awkward. I laid back on the bed, ready. He was struggling with himself. Never before had I'd shown him everything and I knew seeing me like this was unbearable for him. Seconds had gone by, my tears had stopped, but he still wasn't moving. I needed more, but what else could I do. So I did the only thing I could think of to do, I opened myself to him and said “I want you inside me.” Before I could process what I'd done, he was tearing off his clothes, then laying on top of me.

 

“When do you get your period?”

 

“What?” What?! Was he worried I was having one now?

 

“Rose, just tell me while I can still control myself.”

 

“Soon.”

 

“How soon?” His lips came down on mine and I could feel him right there, starting move in.

 

“A couple days.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay.” Without a warning he moved the rest of the way in. I tensed and he whispered, “relax.”

 

“Don't you need something?” Maybe he put it on as fast as he'd gotten undressed.

 

“I want our first time to be natural.” He slid back and pushed in again, shuddering a little.

 

“I don't want to get pregnant.”

 

“You won't. At least it's extremely unlikely you will as long as you're sure about the dates.” I was, so I didn't say anything else. I had to trust him.