Other Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Distorted Perception ❯ Confusing Feelings ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter Four

Confusing Feelings

 

With a surprising amount of confidence and care, Cloud rubbed Vincent's lithe back until the distraught form stilled. The blond was not used to consoling people. In fact the mere idea of having someone cry on his shoulder was enough to make him uncertain and nervous. But, seeing the pale gunman in such a vulnerable state had stirred a reaction from him that was almost instinctive.

 

Now, as the slim form of the angelic man huddled against his chest, Cloud could feel the tortured sobs subside. Within his tight embrace, the two of them had shifted positions slightly. Cloud looked up and found Aeris staring back at him with her own tears. Frantically she pointed at the door and made a gesture saying they should leave.

 

His bright blue eyes fell to the floor where the woman's body lay crumpled and inhuman in its bleached state. He couldn't be sure who the dead girl was, but he had a good idea. While he wracked his brain for some way to casually slip from the room, without giving Vincent the chance to see the corpse of the only woman he'd ever loved, the raven haired man seemed to remember his place.

 

Abruptly pushing on Cloud's chest, Vincent found he was tightly held and could not get away. But the blond swordsman was far from forcing him to do anything and gently released his hold.

 

Swiftly standing up, Vincent hid his embarrassed features behind his cloak. It was a wonder he could see what was in front of him, as his headband fell low and his collar reached high.

 

With his red cloak sweeping behind him, barely hovering above the sodden ground, Vincent stopped in the doorway. Without turning around he muttered, “I'm sorry.” With that he hurried from the room.

 

Aeris was still sniffing and Cloud was sitting on the cold floor. As the blond fighter stood up he frowned in self-distaste when his chest felt cold without Vincent clinging to it.

 

Cloud looked from Aeris to the empty doorway, wondering what he should do. It was then that the fact that there was a corpse lying before him seemed to settle in. Still wondering what he should do next, he watched as Aeris bent to the white body before them. If ever he doubted why a sweet flower girl could join their band of fighters, her actions in that room would have settled the matter.

 

With tears still in her eyes, and a few running down her cheeks, Aeris bent and gently lift the cold head of the woman she'd assumed to be Lucrecia. Carefully, she rolled the body over. But before she could move the sopping white hair out of the way to see the deceased girl's face, the body suddenly melted. At least, that's what it looked like.

 

Startled, Aeris jumped back, watching as the hair and dress, face and limbs, all morphed into a liquid substance. Much like the bluish fluid on the floor already, Lucrecia's body seemed to just vanish and run along in the large puddle.

 

Shock evident in her eyes, Aeris gaped up at Cloud. Between the two of them they knew such a twisted end was the result of something Hojo had done to the poor woman.

 

Straightening up, Aeris smoothed out her dress and wiped her eyes. Strength was important, emotional and physical. Until there cause was fulfilled, she could not be weak. “Go after Vincent,” she ordered, knowing the confusion Cloud must be feeling at the moment. “I'm going to stay and look around a bit.”

 

Hesitating, Cloud tried to make sense of what had just happened. It wasn't helping that his mind and heart were going through emotional turmoil. “She wasn't here before,” he stated without any real certainty.

 

“No,” she agreed. While they hadn't searched every crevice of the mansion, they had been in this room before. She remembered it, because it seemed to be Hojo's personal office. “Which means, Hojo came back here after we left,” she concluded aloud.

 

“It might be dangerous to stay here by yourself,” Cloud reasoned. The time slot for Hojo's return was small, which meant the crazed man had been out and about fairly recently.

 

“I suppose you could stay here with me, if you think Cid can do a good job of making Vincent feel better,” Aeris prodded.

 

In truth, after straightening things out with Cloud, she felt compelled to encourage a relationship between the ex-Soldier and ex-Turk. Whether they were just friends, or perhaps lovers, she had a sixth sense that they were what the other needed. Cloud was young and more vulnerable than he thought. Already, the leader had sought Vincent out for guidance on several occasions. Now that she was certain of the sort of love he felt for her, she feared he'd struggle in the aftermath of their war. It was difficult for her mind to reason out, especially when she knew the gunman so little. And yet, her instincts about people were usually correct.

 

Cloud pictured for a moment, a similar scene transpiring between Vincent and Cid as with Vincent and himself. Gritting his teeth he ran out of the room, sprinting to catching up with the pale vampire before he wound up in the gruff pilot's arms.

 

Sniffing one last time, Aeris smiled slightly at the childish display of emotion that Cloud expressed. Their leader was strong and dependable, but so young and new to life. It might have been because he spent his years learning to become a fighter instead of a young man. In that respect, she feared that perhaps the two of them were not well matched, as they both seemed a bit socially inept.

 

Regardless, Vincent would need one of them by his side. There was so much they didn't know. But, one thing was clear to her, and that was that the lonely man needed somebody. For now, there were just the three of them available, at least for the next day or so. While she was probably best suited for such matters, it seemed as though Cloud had an instinctive reaction.

 

Frowning at her dreary surroundings, the brown haired woman slowly walked about the room. There were shelves filled with science books and journals. Opposite the tall bookshelf was a rather cluttered desk, full of papers and folders and pens. The large containment unit was sorely out of place. The general atmosphere of the room was of some cold and damp dungeon used for a workaholic monk who was translating scriptures.

 

It would take weeks to pour through all of the material, and this was only one room. But, she figured that if this really were Hojo's own office, then it would contain whatever information Vincent was searching for.

 

As her eyes perused various titles, she loaded her arms up with folders and journals. It was lucky she happened to be carrying a fairly empty bag. Aside from a few potions, there was a fair amount of room to pack in what her arms couldn't carry. It seemed a bit inconvenient to be doing it this way, but she was not going to let the gunman back in this room.

 

Perhaps it was the motherly nature in her again. But, she felt so drawn to Vincent. When she pictured his angelic face, she wanted so badly to ease his pain and make whatever burden and sadness those eyes showed go away.

 

With a final observant glance, Aeris tried to find anything that she might have missed. As it was, she felt ready to fall forward with the large stack she held. She didn't know how she'd make it back to the Highwind.

 

**

 

Despite Vincent's long strides and haste to leave the mansion behind, Cloud managed to catch up with him before he left Nibelheilm.

 

“Vincent!” the blond swordsman called out. To his surprise the other man stopped. Placing a hand on a cloaked shoulder, he squeezed gently.

 

The gunman's only response was to burrow his head lower, shrouding all his delicate facial features.

 

Lips pressed tightly together, Cloud fought for the right words. He was afraid of driving the distraught man off. “Will you… talk with me?” he asked softly while boldly stepping closer and draping an arm around slender shoulders.

 

Peeking out from a small opening, a crimson eye looked at him questioningly.

 

“Please, come with me,” the blond spoke again.

 

A small nod was Vincent's only answer.

 

**

 

Not letting his arm fall from its place around the cloaked gunman's shoulders, Cloud escorted the solemn man back to his quarters. They would be better able to speak privately like this.

 

As the two of them walked through the empty corridors of the Highwind, Vincent couldn't help but lean into Cloud's hold slightly. The shocked man's mind had been running at such a fast pace, and his chest felt so tight. But, somehow that pain felt subdued with the constant pressure around his shoulders. He noted a faint scent of oil and burnt wood. It was probably from the constant maintenance of that broadsword and the campfire smoke that seemed to root itself in everyone's clothes. Pinning the scents down gave his mind something to focus on.

 

Closing the door behind them, Cloud let his hand drop. “Make yourself comfortable.”

 

Unsure, Vincent waited for some hint as to what Cloud meant. It was when he saw the blonde unbuckle his boots and unstrapped his weapon that he understood. Following the younger man's lead, Vincent made himself comfortable. It was weird for him to be there. He was a little apprehensive about what Cloud wanted to talk about.

 

Again, uncertain about what he should do, Vincent looked around for some place to sit. Surely their discussion would be like the others they had, where Cloud talked about his worries and asked for advice in their next move. So, thinking it might take a while, Vincent sat down in the only place available in the small living quarters. He moved to the bed and sat as though he were on the ground in front of the campfire once again.

 

Cloud had busied himself with placing his sword in its case, all the while trying to think of how to broach the sensitive subject. Finally thinking he had the right thing to say, he turned around. All words left him suddenly as he viewed Vincent sitting on his bed. With knees drawn up closely, the raven beauty was settled beneath that heavy cloak. Curious red eyes gazed at him from across the room, waiting for whatever was to come.

 

The younger man could feel it. Now that Aeris had given him the proper words for the feelings, he could tell exactly what it was. How blind must he have been not have noticed it? This wasn't some crush. But, he also couldn't say it was love. Whatever it was, it made his heart pound and his blood heat. Lusting after another man. It wasn't right, was it? He didn't know. He'd never thought about it before.

 

Fighting back the sudden urge to tackle Vincent right there, he walked over to his bed and sat down. As he shifted to better face the silent man, he tried to remember what words he'd found earlier.

 

Although he would have tried to be vague and polite about the topic he was bringing up, Cloud knew that with the gunman's cold and blunt nature, such measures would be pointless. Instead, he just voiced what he was thinking about. “Was that Lucrecia in there?”

 

Vincent's reaction was immediate. His head snapped up, forgetting about keeping his face obscured from view. “No!”

 

“Then, do you know who it was?” Cloud ventured, wary of upsetting the man.

 

Settling back, Vincent let his hair fall forward as he dropped his head to rest on his knees. He didn't want to look into those bright blue eyes. Every time he stared too long into those eyes he lost himself, and forgot about his burden and sins. Forgetting was very dangerous. “A clone,” he finally answered.

 

Leaning forward in emphasis, Cloud remarked incredulously, “A clone?”

 

“Nnh,” was Vincent's only reply.

 

“You didn't hurt yourself when you broke that container, did you?” the blond asked with sincere concern.

 

“No,” he mumbled in reply from beneath his high collar.

 

There was an awkward silence that followed. Cloud was feeling as though he were about to snap. He couldn't place it. It was just a terribly restless feeling within him. It was as though he'd go insane if he didn't do something, anything. Each second that ticked by he could feel the tension build. He was extremely confused, but willing to follow his instincts, since they usually saved his hide in battle.

 

“Vincent,” he spoke abruptly, with a tone of impatience.

 

The crimson-eyed shooter seemed to ignore the odd tone in Cloud's voice and kept his head resting while responding, “Yes?”

 

“Will you let me hold you?” Cloud blurted out quickly, his eyes watching the pale beauty's reaction intently.

 

The raven head shot up so fast that the red headband fell forth to cover his eyes completely. “What?” he asked, not even bothering to adjust the band so that he might see better.

 

Reaching out, Cloud carefully lifted the loose band away from the alluring face of his currently shocked companion. “Please?” he pleaded, wanting the other man's consent on this matter more than anything.

 

Red lips parted in hesitant response. Vincent didn't have a clue what was running through the blond's mind. Was it normal for such behavior to occur among a group of friends, or perhaps, was it the blue-eyed man's way of consoling him? Now that he was gazing into those bright eyes again, he was finding himself relaxing and drifting slightly. There was a raw need in those blue depths, a need he felt unable to deny. Biting his bottom lip for a moment, he still felt reluctant to consent. But, as he watched the swift changing of emotions that crossed Cloud's face, expressing need and then hurt, he finally gave in. “Okay,” he whispered.

 

Swiftly and deftly, Cloud reached out, taking advantage of this rare opportunity. This would be the time for him to sort out all his feelings and set his head straight. Grasping a handful of silken hair, Cloud let it slide through his fingers. When he raised his hand higher and brushed it through those soft raven strands, he noticed a small gasp escape soft red lips.

 

Afraid that continuing such intimate touches would mislead his heart into doing what his body wanted, Cloud stopped caressing the soft hair. Instead, he moved forward and wrapped his arms around the other man. At first, Vincent seemed tense, just as when he'd first held him back at the mansion.

 

After a minute or so, the gunman relinquished his fears and uncertainties and let Cloud have his way. He relaxed and even laid his head against the other's chest.

 

Long moments past, as they remained in such a position. Cloud felt his heart beating madly and knew that Vincent must have been able to tell. Regardless of how weird it might have felt, Cloud could only describe it as wonderful. It felt so damn good to be holding onto the crimson-eyed man like this.

 

When he heard the quite breathing of the longhaired man still to infrequent breaths, he knew the Vincent was drifting off. Gently he leaned forward, pushing them both down along the bed. He felt Vincent tense suddenly. “Lay here with me,” he requested with more confidence this time.

 

Not waiting for a response, Cloud lay down and drew Vincent's slender frame up close.

 

“What-” Vincent began to question, not understanding how someone could stand to be this close to him. But, Cloud quieted him.

 

“Shh. Don't question,” he whispered softly into Vincent's ear. In truth, he had no answers for why he was acting to strangely or feeling such urges for holding and touching the gunman.

 

Shivering at the sensation Cloud's warm breath sent through him, Vincent fought for reason. Furrowing his brows, he tried to understand what was going on. He didn't like the calm feeling he had inside, it wasn't right. It might have felt good, but he didn't deserve to be feeling good in any respect. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to part from those warm arms. So, in a moment of weakness, he let go of all his qualms and fell into Cloud's hold completely.

 

The blonde exhaled deeply as he felt soft hair brush against his chin. He felt warm breath against his neck, as the man he had deemed a fallen angel huddled closer.

 

**

 

It was a good hour before Aeris made it back to the Highwind. While she hadn't spent a very long time searching through Hojo's office, the trek back the ship had been heavily burdened. Worse still was when she'd forgotten the way out of the basement.

 

Eventually though, she'd managed just fine. Now, she unloaded her arms and bag in the privacy of her own quarters with a grateful sigh. Her next task would be taking a nice hot bath. Her muscles were a little sore and her emotions were highly strung.

 

After that, she'd begin to look through he material she'd brought back. Hopefully she'd find something useful or of importance. If not, then with enough determination she could get through all of it before tomorrow and take another trip back to the mansion to look for more.

 

As she let the water fill in the tub, she wondered how Vincent was doing at the moment. She hoped Cloud had found some way to console the man. It was difficult to know what words would help and what ones would make things worse.

 

Perhaps tonight would be the beginning of actual friendship, and healing of old wounds. Was it fate that they had all met? It must have been. There were too many variables in their meeting for it to not have been destined.