Other Fan Fiction ❯ The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything ❯ Good Things Come To Those Who Wait ( Chapter 7 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Authors' Note: We're late. We have no excuse. Read the chapter. Hope you like it. If you don't…well…pained noises

-------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7

The Archangel was in a state of chaos. The news of Erik's “hormonal meltdown” had traveled through the crew like a bullet, and the news had been greeted with varying degrees of happiness, confusion, or fear. (Rin was still hiding under her box springs and imagining what life would be like in post-apocalyptic Cuba.)

Benji and Miguel had finally gotten fed up with the crew's questioning, and taken refuge in their cabin. Miguel now lay with his head in Benji's lap, while the captain read and played absently with the red hair scattered over his crossed legs.

“…Do you think they're still kissing?” Miguel finally asked, his voice bemused.

Benji snorted. “Probably. Lost time, and all.”

“I dunno…don't you think they have a lot to talk about?”

“…Miguel, come on. They've been dancing around the issue since they met. The sexual tension has been building up for months. I'm sure they're just sitting in the galley having tea and cookies…”

XXX

“Do you want sugar?”

“Yeah. Lots. And a cookie.”

Erik chuckled. “You're in luck. Miguel just made a batch this morning,” the blond doctor answered and offered Jiro the tray.

“…So…”

“Yeah.”

Silence reigned for a while, and then, quite suddenly, Erik blurted, “You and me…we kissed?”

“Erm. Yes. We did indeed.”

Erik nodded slowly. “Ah. Okay. Just making sure.”

“Hmm…”

Silence.

Jiro stirred some more sugar into his tea, until he was completely sure it would cause a diabetic to go into hyperglycemic shock. “Does this mean…?”

“What?”

“Does it mean that you want this to be…permanent?”

Erik leaned back, blue eyes studying the orchid-haired man warily. “And how…would that…go?”

“Well, first we would…um…I would…kiss you. And you might be liable to…?”

“Kiss…you…back?”

“Yes. Right. You've done this before!”

“Then what?”

“Well, then we might get to know…each other…better. We might then…spend a lot of time together. And maybe…down the line…we might…”

Erik choked on his tea and turned the color of Miguel's hair.

Jiro blinked innocently, yellow eyes glittering. “Oh…my…you didn't think I meant…”

“…So totally OLD!” came a cry from outside the galley.

“That's not the point!”

“I can't find the point! I need a map to locate the point!”

“You—you—GAH!”

“What, Miguel? Just admit it! I'm right, you're wrong!”

“I could…except for the fact that I'M RIGHT!”

Erik and Jiro turned as one to see the captain and first mate barrel in.

“Oh!” the redhead blinked. “Look, Benji. It's our good friends Erik and Jiro!”

“And they made tea,” Benji said awkwardly.

Jiro smiled brightly and poured another two cups. “Yes. Come join us.”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

“I hope we're not intruding,” Miguel said, with an embarrassed smile.

Jiro turned quickly to look at Erik, staring at him for about five seconds before they both answered as one. “Not at all.”

Miguel dropped his cup and gasped, pointing his index finger at them accusingly. “Oh—oh!”

Benji stared down at his own cup. “Hot?” the white-haired man asked, pouring a cup of sugar into his mug.

“Oh, did you want some tea with that sugar?” Jiro laughed.

“Pot calling kettle much?”

“Touché.”

Miguel, being…well, Miguel, elbowed Benji in the gut.

“Ow…you've got a lot of rage…” Benji pouted with watery eyes.

Erik chuckled. “So…were you two…fighting?”

Miguel shook his head, refilling his teacup. “No, it was more like a…disagreement.”

Erik quirked his eyebrow. “Disagreement?”

After taking a sip of his tea, Miguel replied, calmly. “Oh, yes. Me and Benji rarely fight.”

“Erm…Miguel, what about…?” Benji asked tentatively.

“I'M RIGHT, BENJI!”

“Nooo…I AM!”

Jiro shifted his glance from Benji to Miguel. “Sooo…how long have you been married?”

Benji seemed to process this for a while, then replied, “But…we're not…”

“But surely you want to.”

Miguel stared at Benji, then his behind his tea.

Benji became baffled. “But why?”

Miguel coughed. “Erm…let's not dwell on the subject.”

Now it was Erik's turn to pry. “Sooo…what was the disagreement about?”

Benji shut his mouth very tightly and began to mutter indistinctly.

Miguel shrunk. “Well…it's really very silly…I mean…”

“Javier Bardem is HOTTER!”

“Liar! Antonio (1) trumps Javier every time!” Miguel retorted.

“But he's so OLD!”

“No, he's not!”

“Older than dirt!”

“Maybe I like older men!”

“Oh, now who's the liar?!”

“Freaking die, Benji! I'm right!”

“Well…I'm…righter-er!”

“No! You're wrong again! `Cause that's not a word!” Miguel looked at Jiro and Erik for support.

Jiro blinked. “…Huh.”

Erik, too, stared stupidly. “You two have been yelling at each other for forty minutes about this.”

A moment of silence, and then they all burst into uncontrollable laughter.

XXX

Rin was sad, cannon-less, and sad. However, this raspberry-haired girl had a plan.

“Get to Tortuga (2), get cannon. No…get BIG cannon. Big cannon, big boomy. Tortuga, big cannon. Big cannon, Tortuga. Boomy cannon…” Rin muttered crazily, blue eyes bugging out and all in all not very attractive.

“Excuse me, miss. Up in the hammock…?”

“BOOMY!” Rin shrieked at the mousy-haired boy below, causing him to leap back a few paces. “…Oh. `Tis you. Erm…Fitzerpatspacy?”

The shaking mass of humanity instantly pulled himself together and shouted back. “That's swezy!”

“What's swezy?”

“My name!”

“Okay...Weirdy McWeirderson…”

Monroe sighed heavily. “Just call me Monroe.”

“Well, why didn't ya say so?” Rin smiled and shimmied down to the deck. “I'm Rin,” she said, extending a hand. Monroe backed away.

“What's it for…?” the deckhand asked shyly and examined Rin's hand.

“For shakin'.”

“Well, obviously…” Monroe nodded and connected with Rin's handshake.

“What'd you think it was for? If you don't mind me askin'.”

“Oh. Well. Hitting, I guess,” the blond boy answered without batting an eye.

“Hitting?”

“Well, yeah. A long time ago…erm…yesterday, I think. Back when I was in my old crew. They beat me up real good.” He nodded.

“Oh, my…”

“With pillowcases…full of bricks.”

“Ow! Ahh! Stop! Sympathy pain…”

Monroe tilted his head. “Okay.”

“How can you talk about something like that so openly?”

“What've I got to hide?” the boy asked, smiling as big as his face would allow.

Rin smiled as well, thinking to herself, Eeee! It's cute, it's cute, it's cute!

“You're really nice, Rin.”

“Thanks. Now, while we're still in question mode…”

“Okay.”

“Do you have a girlfriend or anything?”

“Actually, I'm kinda into guys.”

Rin twitched. “Guys…”

“Mm-hm.”

“Ya don't say.”

“Rin? Are you okay?”

“No. I'm good. Just…excuse me while I go…rail at God for a while.”

“Oh! Tell her `hi' for me!”

XXX

“Do you think we should try to find a vet in Tortuga…? Berkeley's due for his shots…” Miguel said quietly. The gentle rock of the waves, he thought, would be enough to make him nod off on Benji's shoulder.

After the couple ridiculous “fight” had been resolved by an inevitable coin toss, they had felt content enough to spend the rest of the evening together in the crow's nest, so that was where they were now.

“Really? I wonder if we could just get him neutered…”

“Do you want to deal with him after that?” Miguel reasoned.

“You have a point. Okay, shots good. Neuter bad.”

Benji, after a moment of consideration, shifted himself so he could lean himself against the wall of the nest. In response, Miguel let out a whimper. Benji, being the awe-inspiring boyfriend that he was, scooped the Spaniard into his lap.

“Better?” the latter asked, brushing the rosy locks out of Miguel's emerald eyes.

“Much,” the freckled Spaniard whispered, and much to Benji's surprise, pulled him down for a warm and enchanting kiss. This went on for awhile, before Benji eventually pulled himself away.

“You okay?” the redhead asked, clearly worried that he had overdone it.

Benji chuckled. “Yeah. Just a little lightheaded.”

The pirate captain sighed, and then began to systematically kiss each freckle on Miguel's nose. The touch of Benji's light kisses tickled a little, then a little bit more, until…

“Benji…I m-munna…ah-ah-choo!”

Miguel sneezed, then stared into the eyes of a very engrossed Benji. “Sorry, Benny…” he said, completely melting.

“Mmm-hmm.”

Miguel cocked an eyebrow. “Benny, the ship's on fire.”

“Tha's nice…”

“Oh, for the love of…” Miguel moaned. The paler man had no choice but to try and coax Benji out of his stupor. He began caressing the broad features of his lover's face until the snowy-haired man's facial expression changed and he seemed to register the simple touch.

“Morning, honey<” Miguel said, giggling.

“Mmm…pretty hands…” Benji muttered, cupping Miguel's hand in his own.

“Oh…? Want me to stop?”

“No, silly face…just talkin' bout' my Miguel.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Hmm, that's okay. Just keep being adorable and you're fine. Start trying to take advantage of my fake virginity and we're gonna have a problem.”

“Fake virginity.” Benji snorted.

“Don't be a butt, Benji…”

“Oklie-poklie, love.”

“…Just a question, guys. Were all the men on this ship straight before they met me…? I'm beginning to think all previously straight men are coming out strictly out of self defense,” Rin blurted from across the nest, like she was there the whole time, but maybe she was and not a one of them acknowledged each other's existence until now.

“Yes, Rin. You caught us. We're actually two straight men living a lie just so we can escape your feminine wiles,” Benji retorted flatly.

“I KNEW IT!” Rin shouted proudly. “Okay, proceed with the gayness! I'm going to make something chocolate, with peanut-butter, deep-fry it, then smother in caramel.”

“Are you…going to…eat it?” Miguel interjected, frightened.

“Yes.”

“Just checking.”

Satisfied, Rin left the lovers alone to make her artery-clogging conglomeration of doom.

Miguel stifled a fake sob as Benji mused. “There she goes…all on her own.”

“Our little girl, gayness trailing in her wake, off to destroy manliness as we know it. Just as God intended.”

“Oh, yeah, how is She, by the way?”

“I cannot disclose any information at this time.”

“Okay. Cheater. Then do you think She'll mind if I start to kiss you again?”

“I think She would be offended if you didn't,” Miguel said, getting off of Benji's lap to sit on his knees and beginning to bat his eyes.

“Good answer,” Benji said in a low voice and brought both his hands up to cradle Miguel's face. “Hmm…you're getting a little stubble. It's weird.”

Giving Benji an overwhelmed sigh, Miguel rolled his eyes. “I'll shave, I promise.”'

“Fuzzy…”

“Benji, are you going to kiss me or not?”

“No, I don't think I will.”

“Benjiii…”

“Well, since you're begging…” The pirate captain smirked, brushing his lips over Miguel's. Miguel slid his arms around his partner's neck, furthering the kiss. “Greedy…” Benji sniggered. (3)

“You're stupid, Benji…” Miguel said in a loving sort of way.

“Thanks, love.”

“Benji….” the redhead shuddered.

“Yeah, Miguel?”

“Benji…it's a…it's a—”

SQUARK! (4)

Benji looked up as the seagull perched itself on the sail above their heads.

“Chill, Miguel. It's just one seagull.”

“M-M-M-M-Ma-Mafia…”

“What?”

“S-s-seagull Mafia…”

“Okay, now you're creepin' me out.”

“The seagull Mafia (5), Benji!” Miguel cried and pointed at the army of seagulls coming toward them.

“Well, dang…”

“You remember what happened to Ob-Bob last time…”

“Who's Ob-Bob?”

“Exactly!”

“Miguel, you're making no sense and it's weirder than the stubble.”

“Ob-Bob was the teddy bear you won for me at the carnival when we were little.”

“Oh, yeah….go on.”

“Then they came. First there was…” Miguel gestured and made a sound like ripping. “Then went his wittle arms….then his FACE!”

“Oh…but…”

“HIS FACE, Benji!”

“Eww…”

“…And after that they stole all the stuffing…” Miguel finished, hyperventilating a little.

“It'll be okay, Miguel,” Benji reassured and received a peck from the seagull on the sail. “Ow…”

“Listen to me! I know! Ob-Bob knows! We both know, Benji!”

“Erm…”

“Run! Run awaaay! Save the women and children, your stuffed animals, all that is dear to you! Freaking run!”

“Hey, cap'n! I found my cannon!” Rin cheered.

Miguel, in an effort to look over the edge of the nest, almost flung himself off, but didn't care. “Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it!”

“No way, man. I can't kill a living creature.”

“What if it's evil?”

“Is it evil?”

“Ye-he-he-heeesss!” wailed Miguel.

“Then fire up the grill! We're havin' chicken tonight!”

“Thank you, Rin!”

“Er, Miguel?” Benji interjected. “There's a…um…seagull on you…”

“SEAGULL FEET!”

XXX

Meanwhile, back in the galley, Erik felt like going into a frenzy himself. “My head hurts…”

“Well. You did drink five cups of tea, gov'ner….” Jiro said, in a truly horrible British accent.

“Don't call me gov'ner, please…”

“Pip, pip, cheerio. Scones and all that.”

“Why are you so happy?”

“Cup o' tea, cup o' tea, almost got shagged, cup o' tea…”

“Will you stop?”

“As soon as you stop dancing around the situation,” Jiro answered in a singsong voice.

“I'm starting to not like you.”

“You like me?”

“Well, I did. …Yeah.”

“Catch me, I'm fainting!”

“…I think we should try.”

Erik said it hastily, before he could stop himself. He looked just as shocked as Jiro did as the words left his mouth.

“Wait a minute…did you just say what I think you did?” Jiro asked stupidly.

“I did, but I guess I can say it again. I'm shamelessly attracted to you and I think we should give us a shot.” Again, the shocked “Did I really just say that?” look crossed his face.

“…Erm…”

“I…like…you. How much more convincing do you need?” What the hell? I did not just say that!

“No. I'm good. Just surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because I've been trying to say that to you for months and couldn't. And you just sum it up lie…like it's so easy.”

“…Did anyone else just feel the shift in the space-time continuum?”

“I'd like it back the way it was, please.”

“Okay. You wanna do that all again, or should we just shorthand it?”

“Shorthand.”

“Okay. Jiro, I like boys.”

“Yay.”

“You're a boy, so I'm going to kiss you.”

“Yay.”

Erik made a kissing noise. “There, we're together.”

“Life is good.”

The doctor chuckled. “Good Lord, it's no wonder I've been alone for so long.”

“And glad I am for it,” Jiro said with his sharp grin. “Now shut up so I can kiss you again, will ya?”

XXX

“I say we gave those villains what was coming to them,” Miguel announced, waving his make-shift anti-seagull banner proudly. (6)

“Yeah…I never would've guessed a seagull's one weakness was spittle…” Rin shrugged.

Benji stared at Miguel's banner and asked, “Erm, can I have my shirt back?”

“Aww, jeez! Benji, your chest is naked!” Erik shrieked, shielding his eyes. “I tburns…”

“Drama queen,” Benji sighed.

“Hey. That's my queen you're talking about,” Jiro announced.

“Could we please stop referring to me as a queen and would you get a shirt on, Benji, before I gouge my eyes out?”

“Not nice, Erik,” Benji mused, pulling on a new shirt.

“Hey, Erik, I spit on a seagull! Twice!” Miguel beamed.

“Very good, Miguel.” The doctor smiled and gave the redhead a pat on the head.

“Isn't that illegal?” Jiro asked.

“In all fifty states…AND Puerto Rico!” Rin added gleefully.

“So…who's gonna know?” Miguel questioned the sky.

Suddenly, a man rowed by in a rowboat. “I know…”

“Who is that?”

“He knows I spit on a seagull!”

“Twice.”

“Dude, WHAT IS YO' BEEF?”

That was when the group of wannabe pirates noticed…

“LAND!”

Miguel smiled at the pirate captain. “See, Benji? The ship made it just fine.”

CRACK!

“Whazzat, cap'n?” Rin blinked.

“That would be the sound a ship makes when it's about to sink…” Benji whimpered.

“I hate you all,” Erik said mutinously, glaring around at the crew as they all swam for shore.

“Yeah, well, we hate you, too,” Rin informed him, splashing happily in the waves.

“HELP! MIGUEL, I'M DROWNING! SAVE ME!”

Miguel rolled his eyes. “Benji, you're a pirate. How is it you've never learned to swim?”

“SCREW YOU, I'M DYING!” Benji wailed, flailing in the water as he dog-paddled.

“You're not dying.”

“Yes, I am!”

“Just stand up!”

“I can't, the water's, like, a hundred feet de—well, would you look at that?” Benji cut himself off, standing up as they reached dry land.

Mournfully, the crew turned to say a last farewell to their beloved and faithful ship—only to find that she was sitting in the shallows, half-sunk and carried in on the waves.

Benji studied it for a time, then nodded. “Yep! I can fix it! I'm sure of it, this time!”

XXX

Several Hours Later

“All right, so maybe I can't fix it.”

“BENJI!”

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------

(1) Erm…Antonio Banderas

(2) We know chapter six said the loveable “pirates that don't do anything” were headed for Spain. We meant Tortuga. Spain is later. Sorry for the confusion.

(3) It's a word. Google that!

(4) A mythological wart-covered bird that's perpetually feeling sorry for iself. Or, in this instance, a sound!

(5) Li The seagull Mafia exists! Shut up, I swear!

(6) On Making an Anti-Seagull Banner:

Benji's shirt: $4

Giant Sharpie: $5.99

Spitting on a seagull: Priceless