Pirates Of The Caribbean Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: At Wit's End ❯ Rock the Vote! ( Chapter 16 )

Chapter Sixteen: Rock the Vote!

 

[The scene cuts back to the brawl at the pirate meeting place thing. Eggman, carrying a pair of low swinging balls, steps on the table and fires his gun. Silence falls.]

 

Eggman: Listen, we are going to free Calypso, and she is going to be so fucking thankful that she'll grant us all sorts of shit out of sheer goddamned appreciation.

 

Knuckles: I call shenanigans on that.

 

Eggman: I don't think you quite know how that wo-

 

Knuckles: SHENANIGANS!

 

Eggman: Uh…

 

Knuckles: Dear friends, let us not forget our dear friends, the young teenage girls. While on the outside they may appear docile, it is only under their hot, sweaty, large-breasted, curvy-assed, long-legged, sexually appealing bodies that The Law demands we not notice, leaving us to theorize that The Law is blind, because how could you honestly not want to bang the shit out of those tight little bodies of theirs? Like, look at those asses, I tell you: tight. TIGHT!

 

Eggman: Uh…you seem to be veering dangerously off topic…

 

Knuckles: Oh. Right. Setting aside, if we can, for just a minute, the sexual appeal of the teenage girl, we are left to assume that they are a docile breed that would gladly sleep with any of us were we just to ask, or forcibly hold them down, which once again, The Law says is illegal, leading me to believe that The Law must like cock, cause there is no understandable way that the law can't also be turned on by these nubile little nymphoman-

 

Eggman: Get to the point already!

 

Knuckles: The point? I didn't have one. I just wanted to talk about how much I like banging teenage girls.

 

Rouge: Seriously?

 

Knuckles: No. My point is, if you leave a pack of teenage girls together they do not, and yes, gentlemen, I'm sorry I have to destroy one your wildest fantasies, suddenly start making out with each other, but rather these ladies will devour each other. And not in a hot “oh, eat me out till I orgasm all over you” kinda way, but in a “totally demolishing one another in an orgy of violence” kinda way, and if that's what gets you off, then for shame.

 

Eggman: Seriously, where the fuck are you going with this?

 

Knuckles: I was getting there…what I am trying to say, and would succeed in saying if I wasn't being constantly interrupted, is that we are not that far removed from these teenaged girls. In terms of personality, not in terms of actual physical proximity, much to my regret, and I'm sure the regret of anyone here who doesn't like getting it up the ass from hairy men. Though Rouge isn't that far removed in terms of sheer busty hotness. Gentlemen, if I may draw your attentions to Ms. Bat's enormous rack. Look at those puppies! We're talking DD at least here.

 

Rouge: GET ON WITH IT YOU FUCKING SACK OF [censored]!

 

Knuckles: You guys aren't fun at all…my point is that if we are left alone with each other in Shipwreck Cove, we are totally gonna end up killing each other, and I don't really feel like dying just yet. So, in short, I throw my lot in with…Captain Bat. We fight.

 

Rouge: And you couldn't have just said that and avoided all the sexual perversion, could you?

 

Knuckles: Of course not.

 

Eggman: I must ask though, why so eager to stand and fight? You have always run away before.

 

Knuckles: I have not!

 

Eggman: That's bull, and you know it!

 

Knuckles: Your mom didn't think it was bull!

 

Eggman: Very mature!

 

Knuckles: Bite me!

 

Eggman: You mom already did! Last night! When I plowed her ass!

 

Knuckles: Hey!

 

Eggman: Ignoring the fact that Knuckles apparently would prefer to diatribe about jailbait instead of doing serious work in the area of “saving our asses”, an act of war like this can only be declared by the Pirate King.

 

Knuckles: A Pirate King? Honestly?

 

Eggman: It's the law! It's in the Pirate Code!

 

Knuckles: Nuh-uh!

 

Eggman: Uh-huh!

 

Knuckles: Nuh-uh!

 

Eggman: There is only one way to settle this…bring out the Keeper of the Code, Captain Gore!

 

[A panicked look crosses Knuckles' face. The large burly pirate sitting to the left of the Weighted Companion Cube stands up.]

 

Burly Pirate: This is folly and insanity! We shall not stand for thi-

 

[The Burly Pirate is interrupted by the bullet now stuck inside him. He falls over dead. The camera cuts to the back of the room where one grungy-looking pirate blows on the end of his smoking pistol.]

 

Al Gore: The Code…is the law.

 

[Al Gore walks down to table in the center of the meeting room and stops behind Knuckles.]

 

Al Gore: You're in my way, boy.

 

[Knuckles sidesteps out of the way. Al Gore motions behind himself and two pirates rush up to the table carrying a large lockbox.]

 

Megabyte: (whispering) The lockbox in which they keep the Code…

 

[Al Gore whistles and Omochao flies up to the table, carrying a set of keys, which he hands over to Al.]

 

Megabyte: Omochao? Again? What do we have do to get rid of this jackass?

 

Omochao: Hey, you know what? Screw you guys; I'm going someplace where I'm appreciated.

 

[And with that, Omochao flies out of the room, and out of this parody. Al unlocks the lockbox, and pulls out a massive book which he slams onto the table.]

 

Arthas: The Pirate Code!

 

Boris: We know that, you pansy…

 

Arthas: I'm informing the audience, so shut it.

 

[Al leafs through the Code.]

 

Al Gore: Eggman is right…here it says “It is the duty of Pirate King to declare war; in cases where there is no Pirate King, the Brethren Court shall bring its full force to bear on the issue of renewable energy sources and low-carbon emission engines”.

 

Knuckles: Hang on, move out of the way.

 

[Knuckles pushes Al aside.]

 

Knuckles: Oh come on! The part about renewable energy sources was scribbled in here in green crayon! And that's your handwriting!

 

Mario: None of-a this matters! There has-a not been-a Pirate King since-a the-a First Court! And-a that's not-a likely to-a change-a!

 

Al Gore: Mmm…not likely…we should focus on those carbon footprints…

 

Rouge: Why isn't it likely?

 

Boris: The Pirate King is elected by popular vote…

 

Eggman: And each Pirate Lord only ever votes himself….

 

Arthas: And since those damn Republicans keep stealing the votes…

 

Boris: Pansy.

 

Knuckles: I call for a vote!

 

[Everyone sighs. Including the audience.]

 

Duff Man: Duff Man votes for Duff Man! Oh yeah!

 

Marko Ramius: I casht my vote for Marko Ramiush!

 

John Madden: Okay, and here we can my ballot, and right here, we can see that it says “John Madden”! That's how you win an election, by getting more votes than the other guys!

 

Mario: It's-a vote for-a me-a, Mario!

 

Burly Pirate 2: The Weighted Companion Cube votes for the Weighted Companion Cube!

 

Megatron: I…am…casting…my…vote…for…MEGATRON!!!