Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Pokemon Coast to Coast ❯ Batturtle ( Chapter 6 )

Bulbasaur: (laughs) Funny, Kirby, what other funny stories can you tell me before we go on the air?

Kirby: Uh, oh yes, I remember one time with the late Ian Townsend, who played Kaboola...

Bulbasaur: Yeah.

Kirby: We were in the cliff-hanger on the show, and, uh, we were supposed to be in an air fight, Scarfy and I, with Kaboola. Well, the prop guys had brought probably eight-- (Bulbasaur dozes off, monitor goes blank)

Bulbasaur: (wakes up) Ehhh... Well? Okay! We're back with Jerry Springer. What? Where am I? Charmander, what happened to the feed? Did I fall asleep, Squirtle?

Squirtle: Yeah.

Bulbasaur: Charmander, get the feed back! Sorry. Was I snoring or anything?

Squirtle: You were drooling.

Bulbasaur: Oooow... Charmander, what are you doing? Charmander! Boy, I'm punchy. (Walks to the control room; Charmander isn't there. He reads a note on Charmander's screen) "If you ever want to see Charmander again, surrender your powers and give me control of the Pokemon universe. If you don't comply, Charmander will be extingui, extinguished. Signed, Your Mother." Hmmm...

Squirtle: Holy stolen lava, Bulbasaur, Charmander's been kidnapped!

Bulbasaur: Right you are, my little blue friend. An evil ploy by Your Mother. (Walks back to desk)

Squirtle: Your mother.

Bulbasaur: No, not my mom, somebody else's mom. Someone's sick and deranged mom.

Squirtle: Oh.

Bulbasaur: Squirtle, we'll need help. I'll scan the Space Frequency Demodulator with my new remote-control to find Kirby. Restricted.

Squirtle: You do that... (echo effect) I am becoming...

Announcer: Meanwhile, at the bandstand, a hideous mutation rears its ugly head. So hideous, that it must be censored. (Explosion)

Batturtle: I shiver with power. I ache with disease. I am Batturtle! ("Batman" music & sound effects begin in background)

Bulbasaur: Aaaa! (Starts to fire at Batturtle)

Batturtle: Wait! (balloon with "Blap!")

Bulbasaur: Oh, it's you! Good costume. Look! Shoot a beam, and you get a word. (Shoots beam, gets balloon with "Obvious Parody!")

Batturtle: Shoot an adjective.

Bulbasaur: (shoots beam, gets "Insipid!")

Batturtle: Shoot a proper noun!

Bulbasaur: (shoots beam, gets "Kenny Rogers!")

Batturtle: Shoot the theory of evolution!

Bulbasaur: (shoots beam, gets three paragraphs about the theory of evolution) Look into the eyes of justice, Your Mother. You'll never get my powers, savvy? Batturtle and I will fight you to the end.

Batturtle: I must go to the control room.

Bulbasaur: To get butter and cheese?

Batturtle: No, to find Charmander.

Bulbasaur: Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

(Transition effect & music; Lady Like from “Kirby: Right Back At Ya” appears on monitor)

Bulbasaur: Lady Like! (sting music)

Lady Like: (laughs)

Bulbasaur: Hey! You were on “Right Back At Ya”, weren't you?

Lady Like: Yes, a long, long time ago. (laughs)

Bulbasaur: I'm looking for Kirby, but maybe you can help me too.

Lady Like: I beg your pardon?

Bulbasaur: Charmander's been kidnapped, and I must save her.

Lady Like: Oh, dear, the pity.

Bulbasaur: Will you work with me, Lady?

Lady Like: It would be thrilling, I, I, I'll take on; I'll take on the job if you really think I could.

Bulbasaur: I do. I'll send you up to Batturtle.

Lady Like: Okay. (laughs)

Bulbasaur: Have you ever met Batturtle?

Lady Like: I haven't, but I can hardly wait!

(Transition effect and music)

Batturtle: (In the control room) Miss Lady Like!

Lady Like: Oh, is that it?

Batturtle: Afraid?

Lady Like: (laughs)

Batturtle: Charmander's been stolen!

Lady Like: Well, I don't think you have to worry or fear, because, um, uh, we have two great caped crusaders, Batman and...

Batturtle: I am Batturtle! Say it with me, Bat-Turtle!

Lady Like: Oh dear!

Bulbasaur: (back in the studio) Charmander, can you hear me? Are you there, son?

Kirby: Yes, hello, hello.

Bulbasaur: Great, you're back, Kirby!

Kirby: You're talking to me?

Bulbasaur: Ahem! I mean, the star warrior of Cappy Star. (in low voice) I know you're really from Pop Star, (in normal voice again) but can I say you’re from Cappy Star?

Kirby: Sure, if you want to blow my cover, bub.

Bulbasaur: Look, Your Mother's taken Charmander. Come over and help me.

Kirby: No.

Bulbasaur: Come on, I need your super-powers.

Kirby: Uh, I have none.

Bulbasaur: What!

Kirby: I can copy enemy’s abilities, but I have no other super-powers.

Bulbasaur: So, your whole life is a lie.

Kirby: Wherever I find it, I fight crime, and there is a crime here today, I see.

Bulbasaur: No kidding.

Kirby: (he and Bulbasaur stare at each other for a while, then holds up game he wants to plug) Look, look!

Bulbasaur: That's nice. Listen, if I use my Razor Leaf in combination with my…

Kirby: Yes, all the answers, all the answers are here in my new video game.

Bulbasaur: All the answers?

Kirby: Yes, all the answers. (laughing)

Bulbasaur: Will you beam me a copy right now?

Kirby: Yes, if you'll take me to lunch somewhere in the universe.

Bulbasaur: No time for lunch, Kirby. Gimme the game.

Kirby: No.

Bulbasaur: Gimme the game!

Kirby: No.

Bulbasaur: (pause) You wimp. Well, I won't have to fight Your Mother alone. I have a Batturtle.

Kirby: I have a Scarfy.

Bulbasaur: I have a Batturtle.

Kirby: I have a Scarfy, Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur: You, sir, have nothing. You've been cancelled.

Kirby: Shut up, Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur: I'm still on the air. I'll fight without you.

Kirby: Good. I'll be here when you get back.

Bulbasaur: (pause) Yeah.

Kirby: Am I a difficult guest?

Bulbasaur: No, you're a prince! (telephone starts ringing)

Kirby: Are you disappointed?

Bulbasaur: A call on the space feed! I have to go, Kirby, er, star warrior… Whatever!

Kirby: Is this-- (zaps off screen, replaced by Your Mother)

Your Mother: Bulbasaur!

Bulbasaur: Who are you?

Your Mother: I am Your Mother! (sting music)

Bulbasaur: You are not!

Your Mother: Heed my will; surrender your powers to me at once!

Bulbasaur: You're not my mom!

Your Mother: Yes I am!

Bulbasaur: Are not!

Your Mother: Yes I am!

Bulbasaur: What have you done with Charmander, you harlot?

Your Mother: She's locked in a sub-zero vaporizing cabinet, where she'll catch his death. (sting music)

Bulbasaur: My God, woman, that'll kill her!

Your Mother: Eat your peas.

Bulbasaur: No! (sting music)

Your Mother: Clean your room!

Bulbasaur: Uh uh! (sting music) [Hey, this thing in the monitor is not my mother] (more sting music) [My room was always clean. Must think of a plan...]

Batturtle: (back in control room) You are not Lady Like, Ado is Lady Like.

Lady Like: Actually, the producers wanted Ado for the show. And then I came in...

Batturtle: Ado's better.

Lady Like: Well, Adeleine, for my money, was the best sidekick Kirby had.

Batturtle: Gimme your money! (sting music)

Lady Like: I beg your pardon?

Batturtle: Gimme your money! (sting music)

Lady Like: Oh, I see. (laughs) Actually, that, that was very good.

Batturtle: You mock me? (sting music) Purr like a cat!

Lady Like: Oh, please, the children! (laughs)

Bulbasaur: (back in the studio) Listen up, you parasite, I've joined forces with Batturtle and we'll bring you down!

Your Mother: Batturtle is no match for me!

Bulbasaur: No one's a match for you, you harlot! Tell me where Charmander is!

Your Mother: Repent, Bulbasaur. Mourn for the frozen, in five minutes I'll pull the freeze lever, and Charmander becomes glacierized. Or, you surrender your powers. I await your decision. Don't be late now! (hangs up)

Announcer: Will Bulbasaur surrender his powers and save Charmander from Your Mother? Will Kirby come to his aid or will he wimp out? Will every word Batturtle says be followed by that suspenseful sting music? What will happen next? Why is the sky blue? What is the mystery of the Yeti? (says "Hi") Do you know the Muffin Man? Stay tuned to find out!

:INTERRUPT FEED

:START FEED

Announcer: When we last left him, Batturtle was having a heart-to-heart with Illustrator, and Bulbasaur was being bullied by Your Mother.

Your Mother: Surrender your powers, Bulbasaur. I await your decision. (hangs up)

Kirby: Do you have any other questions? (sting music)

Bulbasaur: Kirby, go peddle your game somewhere else!

Kirby: All right, let me turn on the game, and play. (Does so)

Bulbasaur: Kirby, see you at the auto show. (zaps him off screen)

Adeleine: R-r-r-r-aow!

Bulbasaur: Meow!

Adeleine: You mean "r-r-r-r-aow!"

Bulbasaur: Meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow! (subtitles, with bouncing dot: "Adeleine, join my forces to save Charmander.")

Adeleine: What planet are you on?

Bulbasaur: Pokemon Planet.

Adeleine: Well, how does it feel to be on a Pokemon planet?

Bulbasaur: It feels like Wednesday every day!

Adeleine: That's interesting.

Bulbasaur: Kirby refuses to come over and help me.

Adeleine: (laughs) But I think that's why he was chosen to be on the show, because he's sort of a non-nothing character.

Bulbasaur: And he's shallow. Squirtle, however, has become Batturtle, and he's more apt to help me.

Adeleine: Oh, once a turtle, always a turtle.

Bulbasaur: Shhhh, he's right upstairs.

Adeleine: Oh, I see, okay.

Bulbasaur: Let me fill you in...

Batturtle: (back in the control room) Look into my eyes.

Lady Like: No.

Batturtle: Look into my eyes!

Lady Like: You need a, a lobotomy.

Batturtle: (looks shocked)

Bulbasaur: (back in the studio) And since Kirby bailed out, we could use some help.

Adeleine: Yeah, I, well, I don't even think I'll be that interested in any form or fashion.

Bulbasaur: Is Illustrator a scardey-cat?

Adeleine: Oh, well, I don't know about that.

Bulbasaur: How about I call you Chicken Woman?

Adeleine: Well, I'm not very fond of the title...

Bulbasaur: You're all alike, you Illustrators. Tease tease tease.

Adeleine: Yeah, I feel very feline all the time.

Bulbasaur: Quit workin' it.

Adeleine: So I feel as though I'm slithering...

Bulbasaur: Cut the act, sister!

Adeleine: Particularly when I see a man, you know, I want to sort of slither into his arms.

Bulbasaur: I -- Really? (Adeleine zaps off, and is replaced by Your Mother)

Your Mother: Time's up, Bulbasaur. Your lolly-gagging kills your friend. Watch as I pull the freeze lever.

Bulbasaur: Noooooo!!! Charmanderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! (Bulbasaur wakes up, Kirby is on the screen and talking)... Charmander... huh?

Charmander: Hey, Bulbasaur, I'm trying to work here.

Bulbasaur: Charmander, is that really you?

Charmander: In the fur, if I had fur.

Bulbasaur: Aww, Charmander! And Squirtle!

Squirtle: And what?

Bulbasaur: I had the most awful dream! Let's have a bake sale.

(Credits roll over following lines)

Squirtle: What are these?

Charmander: Butterscotch haystacks.

Squirtle: Gross!

Bulbasaur: What's in these ladyfingers, Charmander?

Charmander: Lady fingers.

Squirtle: Are you gonna look, or are you gonna buy?

Bulbasaur: Squirtle!

Charmander: I don't like oatmeal cookies, they make me go.

Bulbasaur: These look like fig newt-- hey, you didn't bake these!

5 (Batturtle)

(Dramatic sting music)