Project A-Ko Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Vampire Hunter (Darkstalkers) Fan Fiction ❯ Nabiki 1/2 (A Very Scary Thought) ❯ Lylac Tendo... ( Chapter 87 )

Nabiki 1/2

(A Very Scary Thought)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

Based Upon the Altered Destinies Storyline

Inspired by the works of such fans as

Wade Tritshler

Richard Lawson

James Jones

And Many Others

Standard Disclaimer: This is inspired by the work of Takahashi Rumiko and is not my original creation. All characters belong to her. This is only a fanfictional work, and is not intended to compromise the rights of the original owners, distributors and publishers of the Ranma series. I have no money to spare and would very much appreciate if no one tries to sue me.

"I'm warning you, Pirate," Saki growled, "Don't push me…"

"Oh, perish forbid, pushing and pulling, how kinky," Lao remarked as she adopted a flippant air, sitting back in her seat with a slightly bored expression, "You make it sound like I was propositioning you, officer, and I assured you, as attractive as you are, I'm not that hard up for a date."

"That's it!" Saki was on her feet with yo-yo in hand turning to face the pale blue-green haired pirate with an angry, "I've taken as much out of you as I can-!"

"SIT DOWN, OFFICER SAKI!" Guile all but roared in his best Drill Sergeant tone of voice, ignoring the evil glare he received from the Head Nurse from her station, "I've said it once, I will say it again, NOT within a hospital zone! You two want to play rough, take it outside, otherwise play nice or I'll beat your heads together until you both see double!"

"Ooooh, how assertively masculine," Lao remarked, "Small wonder Akiko-chan was so eager to get back with you again. You can be quite an imposing fellow when you wish to, Colonel."

"That goes double for you," Guile glared in the Pirate Queen's direction, "Needling Asamiya like that isn't keeping within the letter of your parole, and you know it, Lanocane! I suggest you keep your comments to yourself until this whole thing is over. For the meantime, zip it!"

"I wasn't provoking anything," Lao eyed the man with a neutral expression, "It's Asamiya who seems to have difficulty abiding by our truce…and truce it is, Colonel-san, because I most definitely am not your prisoner. I am here solely to observe the birth of my niece's first child and nothing more! I've already fulfilled the terms of my previous agreement with you by delivering your future wife and daughter, so be mindful not to presume too much with me, for as water is my element, you may have noted that there is no shortage outside for me to call upon if need be."

"I am certain that Guile-chan meant no disrespect to you, my lady," Akiko urged in a pleasant tone of voice, "And though he may not say as much, I know that he is grateful to you for our delivery, just as I am for your curing me of that terrible affliction laid upon me by my former master."

"What was that?" Miyuki asked as she set down the magazine she had been pretending to read, "What affliction was that?"

"The man who owned me for three years was a member of the infamous 108 Dragons," Akiko explained, "He…imposed a set of mental compulsions within me turning me into a passive assassin, though I did not know it myself until a trigger command would cause me to strike seemingly at random. I am happy to relate that the compulsion is no more, thanks to the good Captain's efforts."

"Yes, well," Lao seemed somewhat embarrassed by the praise, "The true credit goes to Freeman, the current head of the Dragons, who helped provide the cure after making some…inquiries about the fellow who had used you so atrociously. I owe him a favor now, but it was worth it to see you delivered from those killer commandments. His superiors, by the way, have dealt with the fellow who once owned you. I believe they may still be fishing bits and pieces from him from the bellies of the fishes in the Hong Kong port that he once considered his home territory."

"Ugh," Cammy winced, "Like we needed to have that mentioned in a public place?"

"Interpol has an extensive file on the 108 Dragons," Chun-Li duly noted, "They're a ruthless, elusive bunch and harder to nail down than a wet tack. There are wanted posters of Crying Freeman all over the walls of headquarters but we've never been able to get close enough to convict him of so much as a moving violation."

"Damn," Natsumi exclaimed, "What kind of a world do you guys normally operate in anyway? We never get these kinds of bizarre cases in our neck of the woods."

"Count our blessings," Miyuki murmured to her partner before pausing to glance at the nearest window, and then she said, "It's stopped."

"What's stopped?" Natsumi asked her.

"The rain," Miyuki pointed at the window, "Can't you see? Clear skies out there! That means the storm has finally broken!"

"About bloody time," Cammy remarked, "Only…"

"IT'S A GIRL!" a voice cried happily from a short distance away, "I'm an aunt, this is great!"

"EH?" heads snapped around in unison to look in the direction of the speaker, who turned out to be none other than Tendo Akane, who was ignoring the vicious glare the head Nurse gave her while all but jumping for joy at the news that Doctor Tofu had just shared with the immediate family of the "father," which cause an instant realization to pass through all those who were present.

"A girl?" Chun-Li and Cammy said in unison.

"A girl?" Saki exchanged looks with her fellow policewomen.

"My niece had a daughter?" Lao smiled, "How interesting…"

"A girl," Guile mused, "It figures…ow! What did I do?"

"You were just being a man," Akiko chided him before patting the spot her elbow struck in an affectionate manner.

The news came to Ranma with a jolt as he stared up at Doctor Tofu almost as if he were the father of the child, though he had not expected to have such an astonished reaction. He glanced at Kasumi, who was composed and serene as always, but noted an odd reflection in her eyes before she softly murmured, "I have a niece now…I'm an aunt…."

Soun took longer to recover from his surprise, and he had to be prodded several times by Hinako before he could even begin to have a reaction, and when it finally did sink in and he murmured, "I'm a grandfather?"

Genma slapped a beefy hand on his friend's shoulder and said, "Congratulations, Tendo…the first born of a new generation! I'm sure Nabiki's child will be a proud addition to our school, and she can always have a son next time when she marries my boy."

"Y-Yes," Soun said after a long, tense moment in which he tried to work up enough coherent thought to move beyond the shock of knowing his daughter had just had a child by another woman, "Yes, of course…the next time will be Ranma's…"

They did not see the frown that creased Ranma's brow, but Nodoka did and tried to reassure her son by saying, "You know Nabiki will want to have your child, Ranma…"

"Yeah, but how?" Ranma asked, "With her curse she can't have kids unless we somehow find a way to cure her…"

Akane swatted him on the shoulder and growled, "You baka! Is that all you can think about at a time like this? You want to rain on Nabiki's parade by dragging up the fact that this might be the only way she can have kids for the moment? I'm sure she's just as worried about that as you, so how can you be so selfish?"

Ranma massaged his shoulder as he glared down at his "little sister," but inwardly he knew that she was right and he was being selfish. It was not the right time to bring it up, so he growled, "All right, so maybe we'll find a cure soon enough. I wasn't saying nothing against Nabiki or Shampoo, and I'm glad the kid's finally delivered, so maybe we can relax and get some relief for a change…"

"Silly boy," Keiko chided him, "You don't know much at all about having babies, let alone taking care of them. I guarantee that you'll find out soon enough when they start to have four-o'clock feedings."

"Huh?" Ranma reacted to this with blank incomprehension, but then he felt Soun's hand on his shoulder and looked up at his adoptive "uncle" (and prospective father-in-law), who was trying to give him some token reassurance.

"Ranma, my boy," the tall man said in an almost filial manner, "I know you'll do your best and make a fine husband for my Nabiki. I want you to know how proud I am that you've stood beside your iinazuke the full time that she's been having her child through another woman…"

Soun faltered as the realization of what he was saying hit home with full impact, and all at once the tears started flowing as he put his arms around Genma and sobbed, "Saotome…my little girl is all grown up and having a baby!!"

"There now, Tendo-kun," Genma said awkwardly, patting his friend on the back while wearing his best, "Not in front of the children" mask in place.

"Ranma," Kasumi spoke up, turning to her adoptive younger "brother" and saying, "Even if Nabiki can't immediately have your child, there is always another way that you can be close to her, and remember that your agreement to marry both her and Shampoo gives you certain rights as an adopted male Amazon. I know Shampoo would be proud to have your son or daughter, the same as with Ukyo, and maybe even Perfume."

Ranma blinked, not having actually registered the logic of his peculiar situation in quite such a manner, but now that it had been broached (by Kasumi of all people!) he had to take a moment to seriously reflect on this and came away with the startling realization that he was, in fact being asked to "perform" in just such a manner!

He thought a moment about Shampoo and knew with absolute certainty that Kasumi was right, that the Amazon would be willing to have his child if he should ask her. Shampoo herself had mentioned this once in a private conversation between them, and there was enough of a basic liking between them that he could see himself becoming intimate with the purple haired girl. Shampoo was indeed quite attractive and rather uninhibited, and while she did have a violent streak that could surface on occasion she otherwise manifested a very sweet personality that in some ways reminded him a lot of Kasumi.

But then he thought of Ukyo, his other iinazuke, with whom he had come to feel a certain closeness of late, for all her tomboyishness and rough-hewn charms. Ukyo was like a buddy who would do things with him that another guy might appreciate and she made it easy for him to lower his guard and be at ease, even moreso than he was around Nabiki!

Which naturally brought up the question of Perfume…and there was the point where his pleasant mood began to dissipate. There was something about the wily Enforcer that had been bothering him all day, and while he was no closer to figuring out what it was, he was pretty sure it revolved around their mutual interest in Ukyo Kuonji!

"Something troubles you, friend Saotome?" Tatewaki Kuno asked, seeing the conflicting emotion playing across the face of his dearest friend and long time stalwart ally.

"Ah…it's nothing, Kuno," Ranma shrugged, "It's just…"

"Here comes the happy couple now," Kodachi announced, and everyone turned to see the big man who called himself Frank was wheeling a chair in which Shampoo sat holding a curled up bundle while Nabiki-kun hovered at her side looking both stunned and anxious while somehow managing a pretty jaunty swagger.

"Oneechan!" Akane happily cried as she ran up to embrace her older sister-turned-"brother", "You guys did it! You made a baby!"

"I guess we did at that," Nabiki remarked with a faintly chagrined tone in her voice, "Of course Shampoo did most of the work…"

"Hmph," Shampoo hmphed prettily, "So glad you noticed, Airen."

All at once they were swarmed, as all concerned parties gathered around the happy couple with attention riveted on the baby in Shampoo's arms. Aiko somehow contrived to be the first in line to say, "Is that the little tyke? Can we see her?"

"Gosh," Saki mused as Shampoo proudly uncovered the face of the sleepy infant, "She looks so tiny…is that because she's a preemie?"

"Actually I deduce that she is of fairly average development for a female child near to full term," Beatrice noted, "Four point three kilograms, and with good coloration."

"And since when have you become such an expert?" Aiko wondered with a faintly nervous expression.

"She's so pretty," Lao Kung mused, "Bravo to the both of you, Niece."

"A new Tendo is born," remarked Tendo Natsume, silently marveling at how the family that had so recently taken in both her and Karumi was expanding in size by yet another member.

"Cute little nipper," said Herakles, "Kinda takes me back a few millennia…"

"Is that…?" Clark asked from the sideline, only his wife finished for him, "The child of two mothers, born without a regular father. It's like something out of a prophecy."

"Either that or an epic saga," noted Thor, who suddenly appeared without warning.

"Where did you go off to?" Herakles wondered, "You and Sif disappeared right after we left the ambulance."

"Had to report back home and tell the Old Man what had happened," the burly Thundergod replied, "Took me this long to slip away from the old ball and chain, once Raiden got the weather systems back online upstairs. The temporal storms started to clear up right as soon as the kid had her baby."

"Yeah, funny how that worked out, huh?" Herakles ran his huge fingers through his brown beard and looked speculatively at the new mother and her daughter.

"So Nabiki," Nodoka noted pleasantly, "Have you two decided what to name your little girl?"

"We have," Nabiki-kun smiled down at Shampoo, who beamed a broad smile and replied, "We name Lylac, because she pretty as flower blooming."

"Tendo…Lylac," Soun repeated slowly, then nodded softly.

"It's a good enough name for an Amazon, I guess," Genma remarked.

"And what would you know about what is good for an Amazon?" Cologne remarked, but in a chiding manner.

Nabiki felt a touch on her arm and turned to see Kasumi smiling her in an endearing manner. "Well done, Nabiki-chan," she murmured softly, and then before Nabiki had time to react, Kasumi leaned forward and kissed her sex-changed sister on the check, albeit not too lightly.

"Oh my," Kodachi murmured, seeing the blush of crimson paint the face of the masculine Nabiki.

"Way to go, Sham-chan," Ukyo said in a teasing tone of voice.

"I'll bet you want to sleep for a week after that one, Cousin," Perfume noted as she leaned in close to admire the new baby.

"Just you wait," Shampoo replied ominously, "Your turn soon enough when Spatula Girl get heavy."

"Ah…" Ukyo exchanged anxious looks with the brown haired Enforcer, and suddenly it was Perfume's turn to look very, very nervous.

Ranma glared at the other prospective parents but said nothing, yet the frown on his features darkened a moment before he felt Kasumi's hand touch his arm, reminding him not to spoil the moment for his iinazuke. Instead he made his way up close to Shampoo and said, "Looks like you guys had your day cut out for you. Bet it won't be too long before your kid starts bouncing around the place demanding to take some lessons."

"Is you baby too, Ranma," Shampoo smiled up at him, then surprised Ranma by holding up the baby for him to take. For a moment Ranma stood around as if not knowing what he was supposed to do until another nudge from Kasumi prompted him to take the baby into his arms, surprised how light the infant felt as he held her close to his chest, gazing down into a face that was as innocent and without guile as any face ever seen in creation. An incredibly warm feeling started to arise in him from no source that he could easily identify, but it was an altogether good feeling, a feeling of absolute rightness.

He looked up to see the smiling face of Nabiki-kun, and without a word he handed the baby over to his sex-changed iinazuke. Nabiki held the baby for a few moments before passing her along to Kasumi, who rocked the baby in gentle arms as though holding a child were the most natural thing in the world to her. A smile of pure contentment suffused her lovely face as she turned to regard her father, then offered the child to him at last as if to receive the blessing and acknowledgement of the Tendo patriarch.

"Lylac," he said so gently that he might have been uttering a soft prayer to the Kami, "You're right, Saotome…it is a good name for a daughter of the House of Tendo. You do your father proud, Nabiki…both of you…Shampoo…my daughter."

The tears that welled up in his eyes were matched by the tears Shampoo began to cry at having finally received the long-sought acknowledgement from him that she was a member of his household. It was an emotional moment for all concerned parties, so naturally the intrusion that happened next was anything but welcome or pleasant as a voice noted sardonically, "Well, well, did we come along at a Kodak moment? And me without a camera."

"YOU?" Frank looked up and was instantly alarmed, "What are you clowns doing here?"

"I might ask you the same thing, Stein," Agent Kei remarked as he and Jei stood side-by-side in their three-piece black suits that always seemed permanently pressed and seamless, "We came to find out what was keeping you so long while your people are busy tucking away a couple of sleeping beauties, and here we find you pulling a Doctor Kildaire number in a local hospital. If I didn't know that George Clooney already had the role tied up I'd suspect that you were trying out for his part on that American medical drama."

"You dropped everything," Agent Jei began, "Including a couple of gigaton monsters just so's you could take a baby to be delivered in the hospital?"

"Yeah," Nabiki frowned, "You got a problem with that, Mister…?"

"Their names are Agents Kei and Jei," Beatrice suddenly spoke up, "They are with a special non-governmental agency that is charged with supervising paranormal and extraplanetary activity, as well as keeping said activity out of the eye of the general public. They are MIB, the Men In Black, which I sought to tell you about earlier…"

"What are you people doing here?" asked the man named Clark.

"This doesn't have anything to do with otherworldly phenomenon," Diana added in support of her husband.

"No it doesn't," Kei remarked as he and Jei began to put on their dark sun glasses, "But there are a few loose ends that we're charged with handling, and since you people were all involved in the business of corralling the Monsters, my colleague and I would like to thank you for all gathering yourselves in one place. Since I didn't bring the camera, the flash will have to do, so say cheese-!"

"One moment, please," said a man in surgical gear, who was a dead-ringer for the Chief Surgeon who had helped to deliver Shampoo's baby, walking up to the two agents and removing the pen-like device from Agent Kei's hand before holding it up as if to examine it, "Ah, I thought so! A rather crude version of a Mnemonic eraser. They use this in the Getty-Umballa system as something of a party trick. See?"

He held the pen out in front of himself so that his shoulders blocked its light from all others save the Men in Black and flashed it in their faces. Since both men had somehow lost their glasses they were caught by the glare and immobilized, giving the man in the surgical outfit the opportunity to say, "Now…you will not remember these, my friends, and you will forget all about their involvement in your recent monster sightings. All loose ends have been satisfactorily resolved and you can report back to headquarters that the situation has been resolved to everyone's satisfaction. Now, have a good day, old chaps, and do remember to drive safely."

So saying, he placed the pen in the shirt pocket of Agent Kei then made a dismissing motion with one hand, causing both agents to pivot around and wander off in the general direction of the nearest exit.

"So much for them," the man in the surgical outfit turned around and smiled, "I never liked dealing with those chaps. They always take such a patronizing attitude when dealing with normal people…"

"DOCTOR!!!" Ryoga cried out in delight, "I thought it sounded like you! But what are you doing here?"

"Hello, Ryoga," the man referred to as a Doctor replied, "It's been a while. Have you been staying out of trouble?"

"Well…" Ryoga said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head with one hand.

"Ryoga-kun has spoken a lot about you, Sir," Akane eyed the boy beside her fondly, "He says you took him on a number of adventures…"

"Quite so," the man with the long, curly hair nodded before removing his smock and revealing a long coat underneath it, complete with a multi-colored scarf and a hat that he produced from seeming nowhere, "A talented and resourceful lad, if a bit quick in temper. Do I take it that this is the girl you spoke about so often, old boy? Did you know he writes some excellent poetry that he composed for you in between adventures."

"Ah, well…" Ryoga said uncomfortably as Akane looked at him with a questioning expression.

"The boy does have a fairly good question, though," Cologne noted, "What are you doing here at this particular time and location, Doctor?"

"Merely doing my part to see to it that the Timeline flows smoothly," the Doctor noted smoothly, "And the last thing anyone here needs is to have those people snooping about complicating your lives. You should be careful to safeguard them from prying, hostile eyes in the future, old boy…it's something you have a lot of practice at, eh what?"

"Uh…sure thing, Doc," Frank acknowledged with a dubious expression.

"The Doctor…here?" asked Clark.

"There must be something very unusual about the birth of this child," Diana mused in quiet speculation.

"No fooling." Herakles sniffed, "I could have told you that."

"Ah well, I must be going," the Doctor winked at Shampoo before giving a sardonic smile in Nabiki-kun's direction, and a final nod in Ranma's direction, "Take care of yourselves and do try to stay out of trouble…if it's at all possible," and with that he turned and headed for a Police Call Box that was somehow inexplicable standing in a open space within the lobby. A few moments later a peculiar whining noise was emitted by the booth, and then it slowly began to fade from view until all that was left of it was a memory of its passage.

There was a long pause and silence before Ranma turned and glared at Ryoga, "Okay, so maybe you didn't make all of it up, but there's no way I'm buying that stuff about Daleks…"

Akane turned to Ryoga and asked, "Poetry?"

"Um…well…" Ryoga felt along the edges of his collar as though he were suddenly feeling quite warm for some reason, "I…meant to show some of it to you…it's just…"

"Okay," Nabiki-kun murmured softly, "What just happened?"

"Believe me, kid," Frank replied, "You don't want to know."

"Another screwy day in this district," Thor remarked, "That's why I don't visit Raiden more often."

"I…think it would be a good idea for us to return home," Nodoka remarked, "Is it all right to take the baby home with us, or do the doctors…" she paused to correct herself, "I mean the OTHER doctors want to keep her and the mother overnight for observation?"

"I will be taking charge of my great and great-great granddaughters," Cologne revealed, "I will not be requiring the services of any outsiders, though Tofu-Sensei is welcome to assist, should he feel obligated. Perfume, you will assist your cousin and attend to her needs while she regains her strength."

"Of course, Elder," Perfume replied, smiling at Shampoo before adding, "After all, while she is a weak and helpless girl it is only right that a warrior stand watch over her and protect her and her Airen."

"Just remember what I say about you and Spatula girl," Shampoo murmured sweetly.

"If Cologne says it's all right," Frank shrugged, "Then it's no skin off my hide. Just take care of the kid. One of these days she's gonna grow into somebody special."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kasumi smiled pleasantly at the towering figure of a man, "For everything you have done for my family and sister."

"Nothing more than was needed," Frank remarked before turning a sour glance to one side, "And just where do you think you're going, Kitty Kat?"

"Ah…" Madam Lao hesitated in the act of slipping away, "I, ah…need to report back to my ship…Blossom and Lotus never know what to do without me giving them explicit directions and…"

"Stick around a bit more," Frank smiled in a way that was not healthy, "I insist…for old time's sake. We got some catching up to do…Kitty."

"Kitty?" Guile turned a look at Lao that was openly puzzled, for there was evident fear in the Pirate Queen's expression.

"You got something on her that we don't know about?" Cammy asked him.

"This I have got to see," mused Saki as she relished the rare sight of Lao openly sweating.

"You could say that me and the cat have a bit of history between us," Frank's smile was almost malevolent, "Some unfinished business from the time when we last parted company, Airen."

Cologne whirled about to stare in disbelief at her former great granddaughter, and in an astonished tone of voice asked, "AIREN?"

Lao closed her eyes and heaved a huge sigh before groaning, "It's a long story, Great Grandmother. You don't want to hear the details, believe me!"

"Who says?" Happosai asked, only to wince as Nodoka took him by the ear and drew him along after the rest of their party as they began to head out of the hospital exit.

"What a day this has been," murmured Natsumi to Miyuki, "I just hope there's time enough to enjoy the rest of our vacation."

"I'm sure Nakajima will be waiting for us regardless of how long we've been detained," Miyuki replied, "He won't expect us to be early on account of the weather."

"But I'm sure he'll be worried sick over you," Natsumi noted sweetly, "Kenny boy's got a real thing for you, and you know it."

"Would you lay off about that?" Miyuki groaned as she and her partner headed for where they had parked mere hours beforehand.

"Say," murmured the other Natsume, "I wonder where Kurumi got herself off to? It's not like her to be missing all the fun…"

"I'm sure that wherever she is, your sister shares her love for you and her family," Tatewaki replied, "And she will join us a nonce. Now, if you wish a lift to your place, my father can send for a company helicopter…"

"Thank you, no," Natsume declined with a smile, "I'd much rather you walked me home, Kuno-san. I just hope Kurumi knows well enough to keep herself out of trouble…"

Mousse groaned ever-so-softly, wondering why he felt a peculiar ringing in his ears, only to discover that he was hanging upside down, trussed up with ropes and in his cursed body.

"Hello?" a voice politely inquired, "Are you awake? Can you understand me?"

Mousse tried to orient upon the speaker, his vision blurry even in his cursed shape, but by the sound and smell of her, he placed her as the same girl he had tussled with before…the cute one who had attacked with a hair ribbon.

"Don't bother answering," she said, "My name is Tendo Karumi, and I'm told you're an Amazon guy named Mousse, and if you're wondering what you're doing all tied up…well…I'm sorry about that, but the others insisted you were dangerous when they left you that way."

Recent memories came back to Mousse, of his latest rejection by Perfume and the way the others had ganged up on him, preventing him from spending time with his true beloved as he wanted to convince her of his lifelong and faithful devotion to her, in spite of the insidious temptations of the rogue Pirate, who had tried to distract him with tempting baubles into betraying his true beloved. A certain angry resurgence of his defiant rage made him briefly struggle against his bonds, only to discover that they were expertly applied to counter the added strength and suppleness of his cursed form. It would take time to work himself free, but Mousse was a patient man and knew many ways to escape from just such a situation.

"Look," Kurumi noted, "I don't plan to wait around here while you try and work things out, but I thought you should know that the others were talking about you, and it's obvious that you don't have a lot of friends among my family and their friends, let alone your own people, and I'm really sorry to hear that because it sounds like your problem is that you fell in love with somebody who doesn't love you back. I'm sure that must be very painful, but a lot of it sounds like your own fault because you chase her so often."

Mousse tried to orient on the blob that was the girl speaking towards him. What was her name again? Kuru-something? Kurumi? And did he hear right or did she also call herself a TENDO???

"Girls might like to be pursued, but we don't like to feel too crowded by guys, even cute guys, do you know what I'm saying?" Kurumi persisted, "You come on too strong and nobody's going to like you. You have to ease up a little, give her a chance to sort things out, maybe think things over, and then maybe she'll decide whether or not she actually likes you. Throwing yourself at her while she's taking a bath? Uh-uh! That definitely not the way to get attention."

Mousse frowned as he considered this. Who was this girl and why did she presume to think that she could be giving him instructions about women? He knew the rules of engagement between Amazon male and female as well as anybody! He had made it the purpose of his whole life to win over the girl of his dreams by properly defeating her in battle, after which they would be happy. What more was there to be said about it?

"And that's another thing," she continued as if anticipating his thoughts, "This business about a girl marrying a guy who beats her up in a fight…who came up with that nonsense? Doesn't make any sense at all to me…I mean, marry a guy who tries to hurt you? What sort of way is that to decide who's good enough to marry? I mean…isn't marriage based on a whole lot more than just who can beat up who in a fight? I know you Amazons prize strength and all that, and I respect Shampoo enough that I don't want to offend your ways or anything, but it just seems to me that there ought to be a better way to decide who you should marry."

Mousse continued to say nothing, mainly because he would not make himself understand if he tried, but he glared at the indistinct shape that he took to be her as if daring her to continue berating his culture and people.

"And what has this big chase of yours gotten you anyway?" she persisted, "Not much that I can see, other than the fact that Perfume seems to hate your guts only slightly more than the others. That's why I'm telling you that you're going about this all wrong, and it's no good chasing after her anyway since she's pretty solidly taken with Ukyo. I mean…they're gonna have a child together, so what chance have you got to get between them? And if you do attack Ukyo and somehow manage to hurt her, then all you're going to do is make Perfume really, really hate you, maybe enough even to hurt you back serious. The way I hear it, she's always gone easy with you, but I don't want to be the one to face her when she's got a real mad-on!"

Mousse had a mental image of Perfume in one of her cold rages, the kind where she could become an almost unstoppable engine of carnage and destruction, and silently had to allow that it was not a thing he would relish seeing directed towards him. There was indeed some risk that killing Ukyo might bring down her wrath, but he knew it would be all for the better, and surely in time Perfume would come to accept that he was only thinking of her needs by removing Kuonji from future consideration…

Somehow this logic always seemed a bit more convincing when he wasn't dangling upside down, feeling the blood rush to his head as he struggled to free himself of his dratted bindings!

"Well, that's all I've gotta say for now," the girl replied as she turned to leave, "I just wanted you to hear me out and let you know that there's somebody who doesn't automatically hate your guts and all that. I want you to know that I can understand what it's like being misunderstood and even hated for stuff that's not really your fault, though I know you're trying to do whatever it is you think's in your own best interest. If you ever want to just talk about it, you could come look me up sometime. I'm a good listener and I'm even easy to talk to. Bye for now, and I'm really sorry about the guys calling those zoo people to come get you."

Mousse watched the shapeless mass that was the girl named Kurumi Tendo move off, thinking to himself what an odd girl she must be to spend time talking to a prisoner as if she were offering him friendship. He could tell from the sound of her footsteps that she had a light tread and moved easily like a trained martial artist, but other than that she seemed like a very ordinary-albeit unusually nice-Japanese girl, a puzzling enigma as it was most unusual for girls her age to spend any time talking to him as a person…especially in his cursed form.

But then it took a half a second beyond realizing this for Mousse to register the last part of the girl's statement, at which his mind cried out, [Zoo People???]

As if in reply to his mental scream he heard voices out in the corridor say, "Right this way, we're told a dangerous primate has been running loose and attacking people at this hospital. If you'll just take him off our hands we'd be ever-so-grateful."

The voice was unfamiliar but it sent a wave of panic through Mousse that caused him to redouble his efforts at freeing himself. He didn't like the way a pair of dark shapes took form before his eyes just then, looming over him one second before someone closed him up into a bag, and then he was cut loose as one of the two male figures said, "Well now…was this a Reese's Monkey we just caught or an orangutan?"

"Orangutans are orange," the other one said, "This is more a brownish color. At any rate, he seems like a pretty fine specimen, even if his eyes don't seem to dilate properly. All well, we'll let the vet take a look at him, then we can decide what cage to stick him in with the others or put him into the breeding program with the rest of the primates."

[Breeding program?] Mousse mentally protested, and then he started to kick and thrash in earnest…

Once they were back inside their vehicle, agents Kei and Jei removed their special contact lenses, then Jei turned to his senior partner and asked, "How come you let them think we'd been zapped?"

"Because, Slick," Agent Kei replied, "I was expecting one of those guys to make a move, only I'd have bet on the Kryptonian. Frank was expecting us to make such a move, so I thought we'd play in character and let him think we'd been neutralized as a potential nuisance."

"So you let them think we'd forgotten all about them," Agent Jei duly noted, "For what?"

"Patience, Slick," Agent Kei replied as he started up their engine, "There was an unusual high concentration of paranormal activity in the area and I wanted to confirm that it all revolved around a central source. Now that we know this new baby is special, we can monitor its progress and find out why that is. Could be we're looking at a potential source of real Paradigm phenomena in the not-so-distant future…"

"A para-what?" Jei wondered, "You mean there's something unusual about that baby?"

"Just a hunch, Slick," Kei replied as she started shifting gears, causing their car to become vertically airborne, "You spend as much time in the business as me, you develop a knack for spotting potential trouble before it happens. I'm just saying the whole situation demands further monitoring, which we can do safely from headquarters. Besides, it could be years before we have definite proof to confirm my suspicion."

"Just our luck if we don't get any overtime for this," Agent Jei remarked, one second before he gripped the sides of the car and hung on for dear life as his senior partner opened up the engine and let things rip, making record time in whizzing the both of them back to headquarters…

Continued

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