Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers NIBUNNOICHI ❯ Part the Second - It ain't Easy Being Purple ( Chapter 2 )

Slayers NIBUNNOICHI

Part the Second:

II AIN'T EASY BEIN' PURPLE

 

 

 

Zelgadis was depressed and angry, feeling resentful of the world in general and his own wretched fate in particular. This was nothing new.

 

Zelgadis was depressed because another so-called 'cure' that he'd dedicated weeks of his time and thousands of his gold to had turned out to be so much wasted effort. This was also nothing new.

 

The cure had turned his stone skin delicate shades of pebbled pink-on-violet.

 

This was both new and annoying.

 

But no matter what, he wasn't going to let it get to him. Nope, not even this latest twist of fortune would burst his aura of cool control. Zelgadis wouldn't allow the alchemist's comment ("Well, ya know, it's not really pink, more a... lightish red...") or even the apprentice's lisped words ("Well, I think it maketh you look really thexy") to disturb his equilibrium.

 

He hadn't destroyed their tower out of pure, unbridled rage, but out of a sense of responsibility to the community at large. What if some other poor, hapless chimera fell for their flim-flam promises just as he had? How many more fallen dreams would the alchemists create if he left them at large? It was practically his duty to ensure they never got the chance to do this again!

 

Or at least that's what Zelgadis had told himself as he was striding away from the pile of burning rubble, no stone left on top of another.

 

Which left him with violet skin, standing outside a Zefelian tavern, watching the people walk in and out, wondering if his chimera metabolism would let him get drunk. Really drunk. Staggering-for-three-days-afterwards drunk. Maybe even stone-bending (if you'll allow the minor pun) drunk.

 

Someone tapped his shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, but do you know the way to the Tendou dojo?"

 

Without turning around, Zelgadis said, "No. Buzz off."

 

The unseen speaker presumably buzzed. Zelgadis couldn't care less.

 

In the spirit of that not-caring, the decision to enter the bar was easy. The doors slid open easily, and a silent waitress escorted him to a small table and wordlessly handed him a waitress. Quiet, resentful drinking seemed to be order of most patrons there at this time of morning, which was an idea Zelgadis was totally down with.

 

A little boy slid into the only other chair at his table, and Zelgadis frowned angrily in an effort to scare him away. The kid didn't scare, however, and said cheerily, "Hey mister, you look pretty down. What's wrong?"

 

"Buzz off, kid."

 

The kid smiled even wider, and something about his eyes reminded Zelgadis of someone... "Could it have somethin' to do with your skin, mister?"

 

Short of physical violence, Zelgadis didn't see any way to make this kid buzz, so he decided to demonstrate his reluctance for anyone's company with a scowl that had set dragons to flight and a single word that, in its only syllable, managed to convey worlds of annoyance and aggravation. "Yess," he hissed between clenched teeth.

 

Rather than become frightened, the boy's smile threatened to tear his face in half with the lengths it reached. Reaching into a belt pouch, he pulled a little paper packet out. The boy ripped it open, dumped the powdery contents into a cup of water that sat in the middle of the table. Then, the boy tossed the contents right into the chimera's face!

 

Zelgadis leapt to his feet, enraged beyond the his ability to contain it, but he stumbled backwards a step, confounded by how unbalanced he felt. He was lighter, so light he felt as if he could leap through the ceiling! His skin was soft for the first time in years, actually able to feel the whisper of cloth against his skin!

 

He'd... he'd become human again.

 

Zelgadis reached out and touched the table, unbelieving. Just as he was convincing himself that it was another of those terrible dreams, a sliver from the wood drove itself into his fingertip. It was real!

 

The kid left without another word, placing the empty paper packet on the table as an afterthought. Zelgadis, too caught up in the simplest of all senses, touch, did nothing to stop his benefactor. The boy disappeared into the crowd before Zelgadis, suddenly too filled with joy to hold himself any longer, threw his arms wide out and shouted, "I'M HUMAN!!!!!"

 

Of course, as any number of cursed martial artists could have told him, any sudden movements whilst under a 'cure' is a terrible, terrible idea. With an almost banal predictability, Zelgadis knocked over a waitress that was carrying several bowls of hot soup. They spilled all over the human-turned-chimera-turned-human, and he reverted to being a simple human-turned-chimera.

 

Zelgadis ran his unfeeling fingers over the table he'd been seated at, his pink-hued skin oblivious to the hot soup seeping through his clothing. Sitting down heavily, he put his head in his arms and started weeping. Of all the cruel pranks for the gods to play...

 

He raised his head suddenly, frantically scanning the crowded room for the little boy. Seeing only the packet the kid had dumped into the water, Zelgadis picked it up. "One dose of Japanese Cursed Spring of Drowned Man, dehydrated. Thank you for purchasing this item! Our home office is located in..."

 

 

****

 

 

Xelloss stepped out of the dreary tavern, back to his 'normal' (purple-haired priest) form and glad of it. "Meh. Being a kid always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's too much like pulling a Phibrizo for my liking. The things I do for L-sama..." The Mazoku grinned. "Oh well, I guess that was a pretty good prank. Now, to find the next-"

 

"What are you doing here, Xelloss-san? And what are you mumbling to yourself about?"

 

Xelloss literally jumped seven feet, ran headfirst into the tavern's sign, then dropped headfirst onto the ground. Amelia knelt beside him and said concernedly, "Oh, I'm sorry? Are you hurt?"

 

What luck! The next one I was supposed to find! Xelloss stood up and posed in a look-at-me-I'm-so-strong pose. "I'm fine, just fine! But poor Zel-kun isn't."

 

"Oh no!" Amelia's left hand covered her mouth in a classic gesture of surprise.

 

Xelloss, seeing a way to get rid of Amelia, quickly added, "Yes. Someone evil right down to his toes has played a cruel prank on him, and he's inside this tavern about to drown his woes in alcohol!"

 

Amelia gasped. "You mean.... he's about to succumb to the evils of the Demon Rum!?!?" She didn't wait for a response. Nearly ripping the door off its hinges, she plunged bravely into the pit of a tavern, calling out Zelgadis's name.

 

Xelloss chuckled. "Well, that takes care of everyone I was supposed to..." He trailed off as he felt a tap on his ethereal senses, a sure sign that someone powerful wanted to talk with him. Since Zelas-Metallum had been 'convinced' to give up his services, that could only mean one thing: the Lord of Nightmares. He sighed and prepared to dive into the Sea of Chaos.

 

 

****

 

 

Zelgadis bellied up to the bar, the picture of dejection. The poster-child of misery. The used dishrag of Fate. At least, that's how he felt, which wasn't actually that far from the truth.

 

"Bartender?"

 

The bartender didn't look up from the glass he was polishing. "Yes?"

 

"What do you have for someone who's spent the last five years being taunted by the Gods themselves, and can look forward to more of the same for the rest of his natural life?"

 

Calmly, the bartender stated. "Poison, preferably hemlock with a twist." Then, he added, "Unless you mean that as a figure of speech, friend. Then I'd recommend Brew."

 

"Make mine a double."

 

Brew is infamous among Zefelian adventurers, because of both its simplicity and its lethality. It was also one of the many reasons that Zefelians were better at adventuring than others, because to drink Brew took iron will (the color and the smoking drive off lesser men), strong control over the gag reflex (for some reason, most people try to throw up when they first smell the stuff), and near-superhuman constitution (otherwise you will die.)

 

As I have already stated, the basic recipe is simple; in fact, it's mostly apples... fermented and distilled to a point where even inhaling the fumes can make you stagger and see technicolored pachyderms for days.

 

Depending on what Zefelian village you're in (each village has its own mix of Brew, and jealously guards the recipe), food coloring of the green, pink, or dingy brown variety may be added as well, just to give the drink a truly vile appearance. When served, drop in dry ice (magically preserved by local wizards) to give it that smoking, threatening ambiance demanded by all true lovers of Brew.

 

The test to see if it's a true Brew is to take a thimbleful (ceramic container; it'll eat its way right through metal) and sip it. If it makes you go blind, it's Brew.

 

Oh, did I almost forget to mention that it's served in mugs for tradition's sake?

 

When that mug plopped down in front of him, Zelgadis didn't even blink. Some might wonder if he even bothered to look at it as he brought the mug to his lips and tilted his head back, chugging for all he was worth. A welcome cloud descended on his mind, obscuring his anger at... well, everything that had happened recently.

 

A despairing cry rang out. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" In the silence that followed, a woman's voice said quietly, "I am too late."

 

All the anger that had just departed returned full-force. Zelgadis set down the mug and turned around, blinking unsteadily at the girl standing there. "Wh- Amelia? Whashur yuuuu doin' here?"

 

Amelia reached behind Zelgadis and snatched his mug from the bar. She dumped what little was left out, not noticing as the contents ate a hole in the wooden floor. "Saving you from the perils of the Demon Rum, Zelgadis-san! Uh... what happened to your skin?" she added after a slight pause.

 

Zelgadis wobbled as he stood up, towering menacingly over the princess of Justice. "Noshin' I wanna talk 'bout. An' what makesh you shink I need saving, hunh?"

 

"Well, Xelloss said..."

 

After grabbing the second mug (he did ask for a double), Zelgadis wobbled his way back to the table, doing his best to ignore with dignity the floor's attempts to slide out from underneath him. "You lishened to that double-crossing Mazoku trickshter cheat? How shtupid can ya gesh?"

 

Amelia followed him to his table, genuinely worried. "What do you mean, Zelgadis-san?"

 

Zelgadis took another slug of Brew. "A bubble-brained little idiot like you would believe anyshing anyone saysh." After that, he tilted the mug upward and drained it down to the dregs.

 

With those simple words, Amelia's heart shattered. But... I thought... he... and me... no, he can't think that about me!! Trying to keep up a brave face, she asked, voice quavering, "Do you really, really mean that?"

 

With a resounding thud, Zelgadis's head fell to the table. The bartender walked up to the table and picked up the empty mug. After checking the inside carefully then testing the unconscious chimera for a pulse just as carefully, he pronounced with great dignity, "He drained one and three quarters of a mug without dying. He holds the new record!"

 

The bar erupted into shouts and cheers, which roused the chimera. After looking around for a moment, he saw Amelia sitting across from him. "Amelia-san? When did you get here?" Then he noticed the bartender standing above him. "What happened?"

 

The bartender took out his glass again and started polishing. "Not much. You gulped some down, started talking to the little lady here, then passed out."

 

"You mean I was only out for two minutes?" At the bartender's solemn nod, Zelgadis punched the table. "I should have known I wouldn't be able to get drunk!"

 

"Did you mean what you said?" Amelia's voice trembled as she spoke.

 

Which confused the hell out of Zelgadis. Who said with the what and who now? Feeling like Gourry for a brief moment, he said, "What I said? What did I say?"

 

Rather than respond, she burst into tears. Zelgadis was left out of his depth. Up to this point, most of his experience with females (approximately one-half) had come from Lina Inverse herself. THE Lina Inverse. You know, the Enemy of All Who Live? Dragon-Spooker extraordinare? Bane of bandits everywhere?

 

As you might imagine, this hadn't taught him much about how to deal with feminine tears. Quite a bit of what remained of his experience had come from the girl sitting in front of him, but Zelgadis had never seen Amelia cry like this.

 

Zelgadis, not knowing what to do, got up and sat next to her, putting a comforting arm around her. She shrugged it off, then stood up. "Knowing what you really think of me, I'm afraid that I can no longer continue holding romantic feelings for you. It would just be wrong. Can we... still be friends?"

 

"What? Of course we're friends, Amelia, what would make you think otherwise?" Zelgadis was bewildered, a state that Amelia reduced him to with alarming frequency.

 

The whole room fell into silence. Then, the room resounded with the sound of a door hitting a wall.

 

"WHERE IS THE TENDOU DO... ah, hehe, sorry." Amelia (and everyone else in the room) turned to the man with the bandanna, who stood in the storage room door. The man put one hand behind his head and started laughing nervously. "Am I interrupting something?"

 

Zelgadis heard a sigh from the girl sitting next to him, and he turned his attention back to Amelia. She was sitting with both hands under her chin, staring with stars in her eyes at the man with the bandanna. "Oh, he's soooo cute..."

 

This made Zelgadis feel very uncomfortable and angry, for reasons he refused to examine. Why the heck did she suddenly cheer up so fast? Women. Who can understand them? "Amelia, we don't even know who he is. For all we know, he could be a bandit."

 

Amelia turned to the chimera, shocked to her core. "No, say it isn't so! Well then, it is my duty as a Champion of Justice to turn him from his evil ways!" She moved quickly over to where the bandanna'd man was walking aimlessly around the tables, and seized one of his arms. Without acknowledging his protests, she dragged him back to the table.

 

Zelgadis felt as confused as the man looked, but shrugged and took life for what it was. "I'm Zelgadis Graywords. Pleasure to meet you."

 

The man sat down. "My name is Ryouga Hibiki."

 

Amelia plopped down in a chair between them. "And I'm Amelia

Wil Tesla de Saillune. Are you a bandit?"

 

Ryouga looked at her, befuddled. "No, I'm a wandering martial

artist. Why do you ask?"

 

Amelia winked at Zelgadis, which furthered his discomfort. "No

reason..."

 

Zelgadis decided, right then and there, to never try to comprehend what had happened in the last few minutes. Thinking about Amelia's motivations made his head hurt anyway, so he figured she'd get over whatever was bugging her and tell him what happened, or maybe Lina would be able to drag it out of her the next time they all got together. "Amelia, have you ever heard of a place called 'Japan'?"

 

Amelia shrugged. "No, can't say that I have." Ryouga, however, perked up.

 

"I'm from Japan!"

 

Zelgadis turned to him, suddenly ready to forgive him anything. "You are? Great! How do we get there?"

 

Ryouga put one hand behind his head and laughed nervously. "It's, uh, hehe, funny you should mention that..."

 

 

****

 

 

The Sea of Chaos laughed, long and hard, after Xelloss departed. "It's all going according to plan!"

 

Jusenkyou, who had remained hidden while the Mazoku was speaking, asked His roommate, "Do You think that maybe We are involving Ourselves in Our world overmuch?"

 

"What makes You say that?"

 

"Look at Yourself."

 

The Sea of Chaos did so. "And?"

 

"You're in a body, without any puny mortals around!"

 

"Yeah, so? I like this body. Feels comfortable." The Sea of Chaos leveled one golden digit at Jusenkyou. "Who are You to talk? You're in a body too!"

 

Jusenkyou tugged on His pigtail nervously, then adjusted the bandanna that kept the hair out of His eyes. "You see? I didn't even decide to accept an avatar, and yet here I am, riding one!"

 

The Sea of Chaos shrugged. "So what? As We shape Ourselves, so Our mortals, through their perceptions, shape Us. It's a simple fact, old friend, so deal." She looked at the object in Her hands. "Why they imagine I carry a shovel around is beyond even My omniscience..."

 

Jusenkyou sighed, then looked puzzled for a moment. "You know, I have the feeling We forgot something."

 

 

****

 

 

Naga came to with a splitting headache, which was nothing out of the ordinary for her. What was unusual was her surroundings: a magic lab she'd rented from a local sorcerer. Her recollection of the last few hours was hazy, but she was fairly certain she'd succeeded in her experiments.

 

"OHOHOHOowowowow!" She clutched her head in agony. "I, Naga the White Serpent, have succeeded in walking the dimensions." Then, she rubbed her head, deep in thought. "I wonder how I did it. And... who is this Ranma-sama I long for?"

 

 

****

 

 

Kodachi came to with a splitting headache, which was nothing out of the ordinary for her, though her recollections of the exact circumstances were hazy. And there was strange knowledge crowding her brain, making it feel even more swelled.

 

"Ohhhh... my head. It's too dark in here. Lighting!" As she spoke the word, a ball of light floated from her hand and rose to the ceiling, illuminating the whole room. Kodachi stared at her hand in surprise.

 

"How did I do that? And... who is this 'Lina Inverse' I long..." she paused a moment to contemplate the exact emotions flowing through her. "...to compete with?"

 

 

****

 

 

Ranma ran atop the fence next to the canal, trying to reconcile his own memories. On the one hand, he remembered Tokyo being immense, with a nation's worth of people in its own right. On the other, he _knew_ that it only had maybe twenty or thirty thousand people in it, not including all the farming villages surrounding Tokyo proper.

 

This could give anyone a headache. What made it worse was trying to figure out just what the hell had happened yesterday. Mass hallucination?

 

Gosunkugi admitted to studying books on Nylarathotep and the other Great Old Ones, but denied having anything to do with worshipping one. Happosai didn't remember being staked and almost sacrificed, and told everyone outright that "It'd take a magician stronger than that pathetic weakling to sacrifice me!" Then there had been the whole Kodachi/Nagachi thing, but she hadn't even shown herself since yesterday.

 

Just how much had changed? How had it changed? With this odd double memory, Ranma kept on turning corners, expecting to see buildings that weren't there or people that didn't exist. An odd fragment from a movie he'd seen recently (_What the hell is a movie?_ he wondered absently) popped in his head. In it, the cast of some popular show had taken a ride on a turtle's back, ending up in a strange place. Maybe that was what had happened to them...

 

"Nihao, airen! So good to see you!" Ranma was glomped by a purple-haired flurry of Amazon love. Looking around frantically for other fiances, he spotted Akane heading his way with fire in her eyes and mallet in her hands.

 

Well, no matter how much things change, at least some things always stay the same...

 

 

****

 

 

The door to the Cat Cafe slid open, and Cologne, who was manning the counter, looked up. "Welcome."

 

The woman standing there brushed her hair out of her eyes and handed the old woman a sign. "Says help wanted. Need a job."

 

Cologne took the sign, bemused by the way this woman, speaking in a rude and abrupt fashion, nevertheless managed to sound polite. "Do you have a resume, young woman?"

 

The young woman, rather than answer, simply handed Cologne a piece of paper. Cologne scanned it quickly, then handed it back to the woman. "Nice to meet you, Inverse-san. It says that Ceipheed, one of your references, sleeps inside you. Could I speak to him?"

 

The Dragon spoke, and Cologne listened.

 

****

 

"No, I'm afraid that I can't take your job."

 

"What do you mean?!"

 

Lina Inverse, sorceress extraordinare, was being driven out of her mind. she'd spent nearly four hours here on the docks, looking for a ship and a captain who'd be willing to take on the possibly dangerous task of finding the island of Japan. So far, she'd had no luck.

 

"I mean that I won't take your job. I have a lucrative trade right here, and I'm not about to give it up for some lousy treasure map that's older than dirt. Four out of ten ship's captains die on those sorts of trips, you know. statistical fact."

 

"I'll give you statistics!" Gourry, afraid Lina was going to hurt someone and get them permanently banned from another city, took action by grabbing her arms.

 

"Come on, Lina, it isn't like they're out to get us."

 

She turned a horrible expression on the wandering swordsman. Lina was slavering, foam leaking from the corners of her mouth, as she raved, "Of course they're out to get us! They're always out to get us!"

 

"Lina, you're getting all pedaroid again."

 

Lina calmed down slightly, distracted by the effort of figuring out what Gourry had just tried to say. "Er, do you mean paranoid?"

 

Gourry looked shocked. "Of course not! I'd never imply that you do those sorts of things to children!"

 

The man they'd been talking to cleared his throat, thereby saving Gourry a rather brutal beating (about Grade 7.3 on the Lina Violence Scale, something in the line of a head wound combined with the traditional broken rib)."If you want to hire a ship, I'd recommend that you go to the Mermaid's Tonsils."

 

Lina freed one arm from his grasp to smack Gourry once on the head in lieu of the pounding he'd earned, then turned her attention back to the captain. "Where is it? Is it a wretched hive of scum and villainy?"

 

The man looked fairly shocked. "Of course not! It's an ice cream shop. If you want a wretched hive of scum and villainy, I'd recommend the Mermaid's Armpit, but I don't think it would do you much good."

 

"Why do you say that?" Lina asked, genuinely curious.

 

"If you are in fact Lina Inverse, Enemy of all Who Live" Gourry tensed the grip on the arm he still held, stopping Lina from going for the throat "then you'd be more likely to fireball the place then get any help from the pirates inside. But they do have a really good salad bar..."

 

Gourry started dragging Lina away. "Thanks for all your help. See you around!"

 

Xelloss waited until they were out of site before reverting to his normal form. "Well, that worked out splendidly. I just wish I knew the fullness of L-Sama's plan. Hmm... maybe I should check out this 'Japan' place they're looking for transport to. Could be... interesting..."

 

He teleported away.

 

 

****

 

 

"Gourry, have you noticed a certain sameness in all the bars around here?" Gourry had released Lina after receiving a sharp kick to the shin, and now he was keeping his distance from the still-irate sorceress.

 

"What do you mean, Lina?"

 

"Well, look at that." She pointed to a sign that was hanging overhead. "Mermaid's Right Fin." Then, Lina swung her finger down the line of tavern signs. "Mermaid'd Left Fin, Mermaid's Appendectomy Scar, Mermaid's Pinky Finger, Mermaid's..." She blushed suddenly. "Well, that one's probably a, er, uh, house of ill repute."

 

Gourry looked on with interest. "Wow, Lina, look at that. I wonder how she manages to keep the costume on all day?" He pointed to a woman that was leaning out of one of the upper story windows.

 

Lina kicked him again. "She's not supposed to keep it on! Moron."

 

"Ow!" Gourry pointed, in hopes of distracting her. "There's the Mermaid's Tonsils!"

 

 

****

 

 

The Keys were happy. The initial stages of the game had gone well; perhaps too well, with this discovery of someone who could use the power the Keys possessed. Idly wondering what would happen if the person carrying them had a smidgen of their power, the Keys decided to test Amelia.

 

 

****

 

 

"Well, that's no good." Amelia sat back in her chair, stuffed to the brim. After eating in a Zefelian tavern, she had a whole new appreciation for where Lina's big appetite had come from. The table was buried under a small mountain of still-uneaten food, and the other patrons were giving the threesome funny looks. "Well, if we could only find Lina..."

 

KAAAZACK! The universe cracked for just a moment, then Ryouga, Amelia, and Zelgadis disappeared from the tavern, leaving the smell of Pine-Sol behind. The bartender looked up from his glass. "Good thing I made them pay when I brought their food to the table... learned my lesson with that Inverse girl."

 

KAAZZACK! The universe cracked for just a moment, then Gourry and Lina recoiled in surprise as Amelia, Zelgadis, and some guy wearing a bandanna appeared in front of them, still seated in rather nice chairs.

 

 

****

 

 

Jusenkyou raised his head up suddenly, as though he were a hound that had caught a scent. "I felt them! My Keys were just used!"

 

The Sea of Chaos clapped Her hands. "Great! Now, where are they?"

 

Jusenkyou looked sheepish for a moment. "Uhhh... in one of Your worlds?"

 

The Sea of Chaos pulled a three-ton, titanium-reinforced paper fan from Nowhere and opened a economy-sized bucket of whoopass on Her roommate. "WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME MORE?!?!"

 

Jusenkyou groaned weakly. "Ohhh, that huurrts... Coach, they're killin' Us out there. Number 38 has it in for Me..."

 

The Sea of Chaos put away Her fan. "Maybe I overdid it a bit."

 

"Owch! You think?!" Jusenkyou stood up slowly. "And to answer Your question, the reason I can't tell You more is because the Keys only gave off a brief burst of energy. Far too brief for Me to tell where it came from!"

 

"Sorry." Jusenkyou looked mollified at Her apology.

 

"No problem. Now, what can We do to entertain ourselves until they show themselves again?"

 

 

****

 

 

The Mermaid's Tonsils was a fairly nice place, even as far as ice cream shops go. A dozen or so tables were scattered around the room, and there was a stage in the corner where several people sat, playing instruments and singing. Not many people were talking.

 

Amelia looked green as the five adventurers stepped into the Mermaid's Tonsils. She clutched her stomach as she said, "Oh, I want ice cream but the thought of it makes me sick..."

 

Lina looked shocked. "Amelia not wanting ice cream? People appearing out of nowhere? Zelgadis with purple skin? What is the world coming to? Which reminds me," she turned to Zelgadis, "why is your skin pink and purple?"

 

Zelgadis grumbled as they found a table, "Failed cure. Don't wanna talk about it."

 

Lina waved one hand disinterestedly. "Fine by me. So, what does everyone want?"

 

Zelgadis, Amelia, and Ryouga clutched their stomachs. "Couldn't eat another bite..." they groaned in unison.

 

"Whatever. How did you guys get here, anyway?"

 

Gourry said brightly, "Maybe some writer couldn't figure out how to bring us all together, so he just flung you here in violation of the laws of time and space?"

 

Everyone blinked. Gourry shrugged. "Or maybe not."

 

A man wearing a star with a crossbow slung at his belt stepped up to the table. "Watch it there, boy. We got laws about breakin' the Fourth Wall in this town. I'll let y'all off with a warnin' fer now, but one more time and I'll run y'all in." He hitched at his belt and went up to the counter.

 

Everyone blinked again. Then, Lina stood up. "Well, I'm gonna see if they have mint chocolate chip. Gourry, do you want something?"

 

"Sure. Vanilla for me." Lina went up to the counter. Standing behind it was a man in his forties.

 

He said wearily, "Whaddya want?"

 

"One mint chocolate chip cone, one vanilla cone, and a ship's captain for hire."

 

The man perked up visibly. "Ship's captain? As it happens, I'm a ship's captain! Jacob Bangle's the name." He dished out the ice cream as he spoke. "Where do you need to go?"

 

"The legendary Lost Restaurant of the Cat!"

 

The whole room fell silent as she spoke. The music stopped. The small crowd hushed.

 

Then, into the leaden silence that hung over the room, an man grunted ominously, "Who wants to do some karaoke?" Lina turned to the stage, where the previous singer was stepping down from the stage.

 

"Ooo! Ooo! I wanna!" Amelia rushed to the stage. She stepped up, and Lina turned her attention away.

 

Jacob handed her the cones. "My break's in ten minutes. If you wanna stick around, I'd be glad to talk with you!"

 

Lina shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" She walked back to the table and handed Gourry his ice cream cone. "Here y'go. So, Zelgadis, you haven't introduced us yet." She gestured to the man in the bandanna.

 

Zelgadis instinctively looked for Amelia, but she was still on stage. He grumbled for a moment, then said, "Fine. Lina, Gourry, this is Ryouga Hibiki. Ryouga, this is Gourry Gabriev and Lina Inverse."

 

Ryouga didn't scream, run, point, mention anything about dragons stepping past in sheer disgust, shout out "Oh no! It's the Enemy of All Who Live!" or any combination of the above, which made him a winner in Lina's book. Instead, he said, "Nice to meet you."

 

"So, Lina, what kind of a quest are you on this time?"

 

Lina rummaged around in her belt pouch for a moment, then handed Zelgadis the flyer. "Read it."

 

Zelgadis took a moment to puzzle out the runes, then he read aloud, "'Come visit Japan this year! Our treasure-packed mountains and caverns beckon you! Our warrior masters and magicians are prepared to teach the latest in techniques! While you're here, why not stop for a meal at the Restaurant of the Cat? We've got the best ramen you'll ever taste! Mystic spices cost extra.'"

 

Reaching a separate part of the flyer, he read, "'Sail due south from Cataman for two days, then turn left at Prayer Gate Rock. You can't miss it!'" He looked up at Ryouga. "How accurate is this thing?"

 

Ryouga shrugged. "Got me."

 

At this point, Jacob sat down in one of the two empty chairs. "You needed a ship's captain?"

 

 

****

 

 

Two nameless, faceless Mazoku minions were wandering around the Kataart Mountains, wondering what a demon could do for fun on a Saturday night.

 

What? You're insisting on names for them? Don't you know that an author's creativity is limited in scope and length? That every new character name hurts just a little bit more, as if some finite supply of my precious story-writing ability is used up each time I create it?

 

Fine. If you really, REALLY need names for them, then I'll spare just a bit of my rapidly depleting creativity just for you.

 

Umm... for clarity's sake, let's call one Mazoku "Alpo" and the other "Purina."

 

"Hey Alpo! You see that?" Purina pointed down into a valley.

 

Alpo looked. In this small mountain valley, three men were apparently practicing their fighting skills. They leapt and dodged, struck and parried, and generally made a real racket. Alpo grinned.

 

"Well, looks like a little fun to be had, eh?" With that, they teleported down into the valley. The three men standing there took one look at him and stopped practicing immediately.

 

Alpo stepped forward intimidatingly. "Well well well, looks like we got a couple of intruders here. What do we do to intruders, Purina?"

 

Purina shrugged. "Dunno. It's been what, three hundred years since anyone has dared to go into these mountains?"

 

Herb turned to Mint. "Do you know who these guys are?"

 

Mint shrugged. "No. They look like they'd put up a pretty good fight, though." He looked at Lime, who was standing behind the two Mazoku. "They seem to be trying to scare us, though." He looked at his lord. What say we teach them a lesson?"

 

Mazoku aren't immune to chi attacks, and Alpo, along with Purina, soon lived up to their names.

 

 

 

AUTHOR'S NOTES

 

Whew. What a ride.

 

I remember finishing this chapter and sending it off to the FFML and Larry the day before I checked into boot camp. I got a lot of the next few chapters done in the recruit notebooks, but this chapter was IT for two months. Writing this was the only thing that kept me sane.

 

Makes me wonder, looking back over three years, if maybe I would have finished this off long ago if I'd've never gone into the Navy. Maaaaannn... what a thing to think. Of course, I'm getting out soon, so naturally thoughts turn to where I'd be without the Navy.

 

Well, I wouldn't have this laptop, that's for sure! ^_____^

 

No use worryin' about what might've been, I've got enough trouble keeping up with here and now.

 

Till the next chapter, c ya!

 

Aaron Bergman

iamfanboy@hotmail.com

"The difficulty, my friends, is not to avoid death, but to

avoid unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death."

-Socrates