Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Medical Inquiries by Dr. Tofu ❯ Ranma's Adventure ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma or even a plushy-cries-but I do own all of his episodes and that made me broke…guess that counts, as this disclaimer should count for all the ones I've forgotten and will forget. So don't sue me because I'm still impecunious and couldn't even buy Inuyasha's episodes!

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Three

Not exalting the gifted prevents quarreling.

Not collecting treasures prevents stealing.

Not seeing desirable things prevents confusion of the heart.

The wise therefore rule by emptying their hearts and stuffing their bellies,

By weakening ambitions and strengthening bones.

If people lack knowledge and desire,

Then intellectuals will not try to interfere.

If nothing is done, then all will be well.

--Laotsu on Tao Te Ching.

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Ranma's Adventure:

Ranma was curious over why there would be a scroll in Happosai's statue of Venus. He usually saw panties, thongs, silky negligees, and a couple of teddies.

But an ancient scroll? Way cool!

Maybe he could pawn it off in a shop nearby and buy lots of packets of Ramen and then stuff himself full up on the roof, alone with his Ramen…

Yup. That sounded like a swell idea.

Ranma quickly stuffed the scroll in his haori and leapt out of the window stopping briefly to make sure everything in the room appeared to be undisturbed. He then proceeded to sneak into his room inconspicuously to discover the value of the scroll so that the shopkeepers wouldn't rip him off like Nabiki always did. As he entered his room he made sure to lock his door before he sat down in his room and began to read the scroll. He shook out the dust before unrolling the ancient scroll and turning on his lamp light to see better, and started to read the refine kanji letters.

Hmm…it said that the environment could work like a Ki force if used properly, and that it aroused more power? Maybe he wasn't translating this right…but then it continued on to mention that this secret Saotome technique could be used along with something or other but eh didn't know those kanji letters and simply skipped over most of the archaic Japanese he didn't understand.

Which turned out to be most of the darn scroll! Oh well it did say that this was a secret technique used in correlation with the Warrior Monks of Taira? Who the hell are they, they sounded like a band of traveling monkeys that performed tricks. But it also mentioned a way to boost your Ki levels-way cool!

Ranma turned the scroll around and found that it continued on. It mentioned being inducted to the group of monkeys-okay Warrior Monks but it sounded better the other way- and that then one could use a+k+au?

Whatever.

This was too good to ignore. Maybe he could beat Ryouga and his Shi Shi Hokodan once and for all. Last time Ryouga blasted him more than 100 feet underground and he almost asphyxiated if Shampoo hadn't pulled him out to take him on his `date' with her. For once in his life he actually appreciated her simpering and obsessive company. It saved his life. So he figured he owed her and went out on a real date with her, and when she asked him for a kiss he gave her one-still feeling very gratuitous for the very fact he was still breathing. Unfortunately Akane caught sight of it and called him a baka again and stormed off.

He didn't see what her big deal was! She said she didn't like him like that and that she was looking a way out of their matrimony but still maintain the dojo between both their families. Well he'd done that already…that is why he'd given her those papers where it said that the dojo would remain co-partnered between both of them for life, and then pass unto their children if they had any and that it would remain like a symbiotic relationship. Both receiving something. This way they did not have to be forced into an unwanted marriage.

Truthfully, Ranma admitted to himself, that Akane kind of had a crush on him but he really didn't like her that. Or Ukiyo whom he saw as a friend, and certainly not the sweet/bloodthirsty Shampoo. But despite Shampoo belonging to an Amazonian tribe of female martial artists she STILL was not as abusive as Akane. And not to be rude or anything but Akane couldn't cook to save her life, and she had temper problems. He'd hate to be stuck with her for life. I mean he'd never appreciate her, and she wasn't bad, simply not his type. Out of all the sisters if he were forced to pick he'd choose Kasumi because she didn't beat the crap out of him, extort him to the dredges of paucity and being a pauper, and she was actually nice! Yes, Kasumi was nice, but he only liked her like a sister so again, it wasn't an option. He didn't like any girls because of obstreperous reasons!

Okay, okay! He sort of, kind of, maybe had a crush on his teacher Ms. Hinako Ninomiya When she changed into that voluptuous woman before his eyes with those miles of long legs in that unbearably tight skirt he kind of lost his power of reason, which she quickly took advantage of and drained him. He didn't mind so much because his erection also dissipated and he'd be really embarrassed if anyone knew of his attraction. Geesh Akane was already calling him a hentai enough as it was!

A knock sounded at his door.

“Ranma are you coming for dinner, dear?” asked Kasumi sweetly by the door.

Ranma looked up from his introspection and quickly put the scrolls away and hurried out the door, already smelling the steaming bowls of hot rice.

Much later…

Finally! He was back in the secretive and protective walls of his room where he could continue to examine the fascinating scroll. Let's see. It mentioned that after one was initiated one could use the energy and propel with one's Ki raising it higher and also with something else it mentioned but he could translate. The Kanji letters blurred and some completely obscure to him, but these warrior monks would know about it!

Ranma decided that he would travel to Taira and learn this technique after he became initiated and then bother to translate the rest. Not even for secret martial art techniques would he spend another second with the very boring dictionary at his side, or the possible conjugation of several irregular verbs that changed completely with the tenses used. While his translation was awful Ranma was sure that the scroll that he was holding in his hands would make him more powerful. And oddly enough some of the techniques that were mentioned were very similar to Happosai's.

Or maybe not so odd…

This would explain Happosai's immense power, and it also seemed plausible that the old lecher would keep it hidden so that they could not defeat him. I mean it wasn't like he would kill him! Just pound him a bit, although he couldn't speak for his father or Soun, those two were out to get him. Not that that old lecher didn't deserve it! He stole his only bra and then left him outside in the rain to get wet while `kindly' covering his chest from prying eyes. Huh! He needed protection from him instead. Not even Kuno was that bad. Okay that was an iffy; when Kuno had almost stolen a kiss form him, now that was disgusting. But with this new power Ranma could make Happosai pay for all of those humiliating mornings…

Suddenly Ranma grinned devilishly envisioning a red and purple Happosai crying out in extreme pain and begging for mercy at his hands. Oh yes, very sweet.

Ranma decided to ready his nifty backpack for his excursion tomorrow. Taira was not far from here, it was just kind of out there because most of it was composed of historical ruins and all. But he was going to be prepared for any eventuality, and decided to bring his pack because since it could take him over a day to get there he didn't want to make camp on the ground without any cushion. Ranma then prepared for bed, and fell asleep dreaming sweetly angelic dreams of breaking each and everyone of Happosai's bones with his strong attacks and watching him fall flat on his face in public! Oh yeah, payback was btch! He then would invite that Pantyhose guy over to have his fun with him…

Ranma slept soundly though the night, continuing to dream sweetly of Happosai until he woke up with the widest smirk on his face ever. It was time.

Ranma grabbed his backpack, and ate some of yesterday's leftovers, hurrying out the door before anyone could catch him.

He ran through the streets at super sonic streets and-still managed to get thrown an icy bucket of water by that anonymous woman who always seemed to be disposing of water when he was along, why him? Every freakin' morning it was the same annoying routine, and it was 4:30 for Kami sake!

Ranma continued onward, pausing every once in a while to remember where Taira was located and make sure he was in the right track. He was making good progress and if he continued at this pace he'd be there by tonight or tomorrow morning.

Hours of walking/running/jumping later…

Ranma finally reached Taira and moved in a circuitous rout until he found the temple of Bishamon-which was the only temples around here. Besides the scroll kept mentioning a northern guard which was actually a reference to the Bishamon the Guardian of the North, so he was in the right place alright. Ranma stared at the flaky exterior which seemed ready to fall apart at any minute now and wondered if the monks ever feared for their lives-the fragile edifice could be obliterated any minute! But Ranma bravely traversed its dubious entrance and was pleasantly surprised by the nicely painted murals inside, and the nice aroma being emitted by the reverent candles.

In a semi-circle there was a group of monks in brilliant orange robes bent reverently over an enormous statue of the God Bishamon. He decided to wait for them to finish but after a very boring hour passed he decided to politely cut them off by coughing slightly. But still no answer. The meditating priest remained hunched over on the floor with their bare fete sticking out, somehow in ignorance of the capricious wind which howled outside and curled its cold tendrils inside the insecure edifice that did contain holes here and there along its main architectural component-which seemed to be the pointed arc on its gracefully sloping roof with lightly bronzed shingles. The `Warrior' monks that could pass as 3rd world refugees in need of good alimentation and some saturated foods, moved nary a muscle against the artic wind, the rough ground below them or his polite interrupting cough which was starting to sound like he would hack up a hernia in the process of dissimulating.

Well maybe he should try an oral interruption.

“Excuse me o honorific houshis on this cold and biting night,” Ranma began, only to be stopped by the monk on the left that didn't eve look up before he said, “Guest rooms are down the corridor, you may stay for the night.”

Ranma glared for a second before forgetting that he was going to pretend to be a Bishamon devotee and changing his scowl into a pleasant façade of nothing-for he wasn't suppose to reveal his sentiments precisely.

“I am a follower of the almighty God Bishamon, the powerful Guardian of the North which protects us from all evil, I offer myself to him, and my sankra my blood if I may be initiated into this sacred order and follow the path to nirvana.”

Ranma paused his empty blabbing and made a complex gesticulation of welcome and acceptance to all of the monks before he too bowed his head to Bishamon, waiting for their reply and thanking his lucky stars that he took that Traditions class in high school. He only took it because Ms. Hinako said that it went along with the literary piece they were studying and he had wanted to make her proud of him, and it actually worked too! She even let him buy her ice cream. But she had been a jocular, immature little girl the whole time so it really hadn't felt like a date either…especially when she asked him if he would carry her because she was, “sweepy,” and fell sleep cocooned in his arms. It was funny how her other form stopped his heart completely or accelerated the beating of his heart until it pounded painfully in his ears. The only problem he saw was that she only changed into a voluptuous woman when she was angry and that meant he couldn't make nay moves on her, and when she was a child it was just plain wrong. Ranma was jolted from his thoughts when the monks said that they agreed.

Apparently when he'd been lost in thought yet again the world had continued on without him.

“We will accept you in our sect if you can answer three basic questions of all followers,” “Do you agree?” they asked staring emotionlessly into his eyes.

Ranma nodded, hoping he would be able to pull this off.

“Now then, sit down over there,” they pointed to a blue pillow that was near the wall.

“And tell us why Avalokiteshvara says thusly, “Emptiness is not separate from form, form is not separate from emptiness: rupan na prithak shunyata. Explain why and how as well, and if you do you can become a nun and follow the sacred sisters of Bishamon when they arrive tomorrow. ”

Ranma inwardly smirked. He was only in his girl form because fo the rain. This would make it easier to escape after he joined because they wouldn't consider him part of their group. Only IF he managed to answer these questions…

He then thought long and hard. He decided to pretend to meditate like a good little monk before responding rashly. He knew the answer; it was just lost in the horrible banks of his memory. He knew it was really simple and obvious, but for the life of him he couldn't seem to remember. Ranma took deep breaths, mentally going over all of the unorthodox theology he had accumulated over the years before finally recalling this myth. Well, he considered it baloney, but he wouldn't tell that to these guys!

“In considering this relationship Avalokiteshvara realizes that it only works because form and emptiness are inseparable, thus he advances on this equation by eliminating the possibility that form and emptiness overlap but do not completely coincide. Not only are the two identical, they are not different. Although two entities might be the same under certain circumstances, it is still possible that under other conditions they may differ. This statement eliminates that possibility. There are no conditions under which form is different from emptiness or emptiness is different from form. Thus, because of its relationship with emptiness, form is neither permanent nor impermanent. Form cannot be impermanent because of its emptiness, and the same holds true for form and suffering or form and the presence of a self.” Ranma gulped, hoping he wasn't just spewing random crap and that he hadn't mixed up his theories of Bishamon with some other branch. But the monks simply nodded deferentially in accord before standing up and leaving him, one by one entering this secret room before coming out with some red powder and incense.

They started to chant softly, gesturing for him to kneel in the appropriate way to receive Bishamon, which he did, and then one was going to begin tracing an arc on his forehead, already making the motion to do so when another stopped him quickly, looking down furiously at Ranma and saying he was a girl. The other monk took his hand hastily away and left the room, only to return with an odd chalice and then he again knelt down. He then took Ranma's hand and carefully dipped it in the chalice filled with water before all the monks commenced to quietly chant an invocation to Bishamon before going on with the initiation ritual.

The monk that had earlier mistaken him for a guy then made him put his hand over his heart before the cut Ranma quickly and finished the ritual with a few more chants when the room contracted in an explosion of white.

Ranma felt as if he had been electrocuted. But in a good way. His heart overflowed after the initial searing of pain and he felt invincible. He also felt very attune to his environment, and could sense the night shift restlessly outside, and the trees tremble before its onslaught. He decided to see how his techniques would work now and discovered that his Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken had become e unbelievably fast. He then left the bewildered monks, much like Happosai had done before him, to try out his new powers.

Ranma ran quickly back home at a rate so fast, that it only took him a couple of seconds to get home. Yeah, life was good. Nothing could bring his spirits down. He decided that the only thing that could make him happier would be to take a nice long warm bath and to drink some hot chocolate. He quickly snuck inside and closed the door in the bathroom. He took out the soapy foam which he preferred to use and closed his eyes as he got into the steaming hot water.

And then he screamed like a girl.

Which incidentally he still was.

This was when Ranma ran screaming back outside into the freezing caress of cold, hard hail.

Life was just great.

Days later out in the countryside…

He wandered around aimlessly for days trying to find a way to revert back to his male form but the only thing he had come to understand was that he had somehow tied himself to the God Bishamon and that he was permanently a girl unless there was a way to change back. Even the guides at Jusenkyo said he had found a way out of his curse. But in his opinion he was still cursed. No he couldn't turn in to a guy anymore but this was NOT his original curse! He decided to continue his search because there was no way in hell he was going to be stuck in this measly girl form forever!

6 months later

Okay. He gave up! At least for now. He was going to go back home to the amenities offered to him in a modern civilization. Not to mention there were only so many courses he could take with his handy-dandy laptop to not get behind in school. Later, after he had rested in a warm bed he would pursue the matter. But right now he was just sleepy and bone tired.

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Credits: The Heart Sutra, translation by Red Pine, and Laotsu trans by Gia-Fu Feng.

Next chapter Dr. Tofu and Ranma at last!

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--Dani.