Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Happiness and Lonelyness ❯ la confessione di Seiji ( Chapter 3 )

Hello everyone, here you go with Chapter 3. Please don't flame me for any mistakes you may find since my English isn't very good, after all that's not my native language. The Troopers don't belong to me so please don't sue me. Your reviews, comments and emails are more than welcomed. Thank you.

SOLITUDINE E FELICITA'

(By: acuamaine)

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Seiji finished up healing Touma's injuries, at least what injuries he could heal, the rest would have to wait until later. Looking at him as he slept, Seiji reached out to caress a flushed cheek, frowning when he felt the heat coming off of him. Sighing softly he continued watching him as his mind began to drift. If only my wishes could come true. You are so beautiful Touma, despite everything that you have gone through you are still so very perfect. You're an angel... My angel... How I wish I could say that to you, but I can't. Seiji smiled; content that within his mind he could escape from reality into a dream world where he and his angel could be together. The whimper that came from Touma brought him back from his thoughts much too quickly.

Touma woke with a start, confused until he realized that he had been having a bad dream and then it hit him... He was back in his bed in his father's house. Scared and confused he began looking around the room, trying to understand how it was possible to be there, trying to figure out what may have happened while he slept... Oh God NO! T... This can't be true! This is just a dream and a bad one at that. My f... friends, where are they? Help me! Someone please help me! A loud thud at the door caused him to jump to his feet and he began to tremble. His worst fear was being realized as the drunken voice of his father boomed through the closed door... he fell to his knees sobbing as tears began to blue his view.

That was when another voice caught his attention, someone was laughing at him. When he turned to see who it was he nearly jumped out of his skin for there it was... That reflection again and the fog that had scared him before. "What is it Tenku? Do you fear your own father?" The reflection seemed to laugh even harder and he could hear his father right outside his door. All his fear and nightmares were playing out right before his eyes... His mind began shutting down and rational thoughts became obsolete... His fears were taking over and he was powerless to stop it.

"No... This can't be true! I... I remember Seiji's arms around me... Warm and comforting! I heard Ryo's words.... I saw Shin ad Shu, they were here... They came for me, took me home... This is nothing more then a bad dream!" Touma spoke softly to the empty room as he tried to compose himself and get to his feet only to find that his legs could barely support his weight.

"No Touma, this is no dream, this is your destiny. Once your friends discovered what your father had done to you they brought you back here, too disgusted to even look at you." The reflection mocked him and began laughing again. "They all hate you now... They can never love you... All their words were lies!"

"No! It's you who lie! I know my friends care, I believe them." Touma was stunned by his fears as the pounding at his door got louder.

"You lie to yourself then... I seriously doubt that you can even trust the words that come from your own lips. You know full well that your friends can't love you, even your beloved Seiji can't love you... They told you so, you heard them! You are a disgrace to the group now for you have allowed someone to violate you... You allowed someone to take you by force and you enjoyed it!" The reflection spat at him and all Touma could do was look at the mirror in shock.

Tears fell rapidly down over his cheeks as he tried to think. This can't be true... They said they were sorry, that they did care... I trust them... I do...! If that were the case, then why was he here? Why was this happening to him? Maybe they really didn't care... Maybe it was just lies...?

"My dear Touma... Who do you think brought you back to this place?" The reflection smiled as Touma looked straight at it, fearing the answer. "Yes my dear Tenku... It's true, your so called friends have returned you, doing so while you slept... They returned you to your private hell for they didn't want to deal with it."

Touma began feeling ill as the room spun out of control and what happened next were nothing more then a series of blurred images. His father finally burst through the door carrying his bottle of beer. All Touma could do was whimper like a child as his father hit him and then began undressing him... The larger man's body covered his own, vile breath swept over his face and the last thing Touma saw was his naked reflection... Laughing at him like some crazed maniac.

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Seiji was seated on the couch, his face was pale and his hands trembled as he watched Shu pacing back and forth in front of him. Shin who is seated near him had his face in his hands as he cried softly and Ryo looked as though he were about to burn the whole city down. She stopped momentarily in front of Seiji and appeared to be ready to say something, only to turn back and begin his pacing all over again.

"Shu! For God's sake stop it!" Ryo can't take the pacing anymore and quickly goes over to the bearer of Kongo, forcing the larger man to sit. "You're driving me crazy! Now it looked as though your were about to say something, so just say it all ready."

"Fine! Now what do we do about Touma? I'm not sure how to behave around him... Tell me how should I act?" He says angrily , tears filling his big eyes as he lowered his head. Everything that had happened had left him physically and emotionally drained, not to mention, a little scared for his friend.

"What I want to know is, why you haven't healed him completely?" Shin asked weakly and saw that Seiji was showing signs of exhaustion himself... He should be resting after all it took a lot of his strength to do what healing he had on Touma. Shaking the swordsman to get his attention, Shin asked the questions once more.

"Gomen but I... I can't heal him completely. It seems that he won't allow me to." Seiji spoke softly trying in vain to keep his composure. "It's as if he's trying to punish himself for what that bastard of a father did to him... I... I really and s... sorry guys." Seiji lowered his head and stared at the floor as images flooded his mind... He had gotten quite a look at Touma's body as he healed him and what he had seen had shaken him up quite a bit.

"We have to make things better for Touma but first he needs to rest and heal all the way... The best thing we can do now is behave like we always have with him... After all he is our friend. Seiji felt frustrated that he couldn't do more for Touma then what the archer had allowed, he wanted his angel healed and happy again... He missed Touma's smile and the sound of his laughter.

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Touma sat up in bed, sweat soaking his body as tears fell in torrents down his face. His chest hurt so badly and he started to shiver as the sobs came freely. He could hear the others talking downstairs and his dream flooded back into his mind, he didn't want or need their pity... Trembling slightly he decided that he needed to go to them and set the straight. Pulling back the covers he shivered as the air hit his bared legs. swinging his feet to the floor he made a hearty attempt to stand on wobbly legs.

"Now I know what it's like to be an infant just learning to walk, not easy when your legs refuse to cooperate. I can do this though... I can do this!" Step by painful step Touma inched his way out of the bedroom and into the hallway, taking a few minutes to rest before continuing. After what seemed like forever and a day, he made it down the stairs and to the living room. The others were so lost in thought and conversation they didn't even notice the archer until he sat beside Shin and then they all stopped and turned to him.

Shin had been caught completely off guard and Touma's presence startled him at first. "Touma! You nearly gave me a heart attack! Don't do that!" Shin looked at him a little crossly.

Touma lowered his head feeling sadder then ever. I knew it... They hate me now! "I... I'm sorry Shin. I... Uhm... I... Oh it's nothing. Please forgive me." Touma sounded so timid at the moment and he began to shiver again. He couldn't bring himself to look the others in the eyes, he feared seeing the hate and rejection that surely dwelled in them for him now.

"Touma just what do you think you're doing out of bed anyway!" Seiji's voice was stern as he rose to walk over to him. "Time to go back to bed little one before I have to spank you for being such a brat!" Seiji then frowned after he realized what he had said... The looks on the other's faces told him as much. "Touma... I... I'm sorry."

Touma wasn't listening though. he was sitting there and trembling and all he could feel was the cold and pain. He closed down his mind in an attempt to stop the realization that it was his friends rejection that ad hurt him more then anything... He could take the his father's rejection, that he was use to but not his friend's no not theirs... I'm alone again! They all hate me, they only see this pitiful soul sitting here... The fag with the abusive alcoholic father. No one loves me and I'm a baka for thinking someone could. He shut his eyes tightly trying to hold back the flood of tears threatening to overwhelm him, the room seemed to be spinning all around and he shook violently.

That's when he felt gentle hands scooping him up and without bothering to see, he hid his face in the crook of a soft neck as he felt himself being taken back upstairs. They probably want me out of there so they don't have to look at me... I'm so vile and dirty now. They're most likely disgusted with me. His attempt to not cry was lost as he was lowered down onto his bed and the blankets were placed over him. Curling himself into a ball he allowed the tears to fall, loudly and forceful they came, causing his whole body to tremble.

It was Seiji who had brought him upstairs and now the swordsman watched helplessly as his best friend sobbed uncontrollably. Quickly he sat down on the bed and scooped the archer into his arms, rocking him gently as he tried to contain his own tears. Oh God Touma, please let me help you little one, tell me what I can do... help me to help you. I'm not sure of what I should do... I want you to be happy again, but you have to talk to me... Tell me what's wrong.

Seiji held Touma tightly within his arms, softly stroking an arm as he tried to soothe away the hurt. "Touma? What happened... What has gotten you so fearful that mere words cause you to break down? You were always so strong little one, and now... Now you seem so small and fragile. What are you frightened of? You're safe here, nothing can hurt you... I... I won't allow it."

Touma was startled and slightly shocked by the display of emotions coming from the normally composed blond. Rarely did Seiji ever allow anyone to see past the facade he kept in place though there were times when he saw beyond it... That's when Touma realized that Seiji did that with him a lot, he allowed the archer to view him with that mask of calm he wore for the others. Touma liked this version of the swordsman and he relaxed into the arms that held him as Seiji's rocking began to soothe him.

Touma was actually starting to drift off to sleep when a voice resounded in his head. No they want you to sleep so they can return you to your father's without a fight... Startled and scared again Touma squirmed out of Seiji's arms and back onto the bed... Trying desperately to get out of bed from the other side, his attempt was blocked by Seiji who pinned him with his own body.

"Touma! What's wrong? tell me what has you so frightened?" Seiji lowered his head, burying his face into the back of soft indigo locks. He wasn't good at this, he didn't know how to deal with situations such as this. More and more he began to wonder if Shin shouldn't have brought him back up to bed. Shin was the listener, the voice of reason... He was a doer! Touma continued his struggle and soon Seiji's frustrations were turning slightly to anger.

"Leave me alone damn it... Just leave me alone!" Touma turned his face away and cried as he tried to get away from the blond... Hissing as pain tore through his body.

"Touma stop it! You're hurting yourself... You're not completely healed yet! You have to STOP!" Seiji didn't realize what he had done until he felt the body under his go limp and the loud sobs turn to whimpers and that's when he realized that he had hit Touma. "Oh my God Touma! Oh God I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to... Oh God little one! Please forgive me Touma." Tears began to glaze over violet orbs as he looked down at Touma. Quickly he relaxed his hold and sat up on the edge of the bed... Trying hard not to break down.

Touma's mind was a bur of emotions, he couldn't believe what Seiji had just done... He hit me... He said he's my friend yet he hurt me. That must mean that he really does hate me. Turning to face the swordsman as tears in his eyes gave him an even sadder expression he spoke hoarsely. "It's true Seiji... What my father told me is true..."

"What 's true Touma? What exactly did your father say to you?" Seiji feared that he may have scared Touma further and that the archer would go deeper into his shell. Gently he got Touma to sit up and he could see that some of the unhealed injuries were beginning to bleed again. What concerned him the most was Touma's state of mind and he was worried that the archer could try something... He feared that Touma could become suicidal. Seiji couldn't allow that to happen not now, not ever! The look in Touma's eyes told him that he would have to tread carefully from here on in, and be much more aware of the other's feelings. "Touma? Please... Tell me?" he softened his voice as he looked into midnight blue eyes.

The others upon hearing the commotion, raced upstairs to Touma's room to investigate only to have Seiji usher them quickly back out of the room but not before reassuring Touma that he would be right back. "Please guys try to understand my feelings for him, I have to get through to him... I've tried telling him that he is loved by us all and that we will never be alone again... But I need to do this my way." Seiji watched as they nodded their heads in understanding though Shu did give him a warning stare that let the blond know he would be watching him... Ready to pound him into the ground should he do anything to further hurt Touma.

Once that was done, Seiji reentered the room, closing and locking the door, preventing anymore intrusions. His heart lurched as he looked over at the once strong and self assured archer who was now frightened and tearful like some child left to fend for himself. Quickly crossing the room, Seiji once again resumed his position on the edge of the bed.

"Touma...? Tou? Please look at me... There's something I've been meaning to tell you..." Seiji took Touma's hand in his and when the archer complied and looked into his eyes, Seiji gave his hand just a little squeeze. "Touma I know that something has frightened you and maybe you really don't want to discuss it with me but please try and understand that I will always be here for you... You will always have my friendship." Seiji's voice cracked slightly as he spoke.

"You are our little one, no one can ever harm you without first getting through us... Shin, Shu, Ryo... Nasutei, even Byakuen and especially ME! We are all here for you... Never again do you have to feel alone." Seiji made sure to emphasize the 'Me' in hopes that Touma would get the meaning of it.

Touma listened carefully to Seiji, surprised to hear the sorrow within his voice and even more surprised to see violet eyes brimming with tears. Maybe I was wrong... Maybe they do love me? Could it be that I just didn't trust them enough to see the love they had? Have my fears of rejection blinded me that badly? Touma sank down into the bed as he scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to hide the tears that were once again spilling from his eyes. He was unsuccessful and soon felt himself being pulled upwards and into the swordsman's lap. Comforting arms wrapped tightly around him and he settled into their warmth.

"Touma? There's something else I've got to tell you... Only I don't know how to say it. Maybe if you tell me what has you so frightened, it'll help me to say the things I need to say to you... Please help me get the words out?" Seiji rested his head on the top of Touma's head, thankful that the archer could not see the tears standing in his eyes.

"S... Seiji?" Touma was paralyzed by his own emotions, unsure about what to do or say. It felt so good being wrapped tenderly in the blonde's arms... He never wanted to leave. It also scared him, he felt that once Seiji knew the horrible truth that his dream would be shattered and he would lose the warmth that now enveloped him. How could he tell him? How could he say that he hadn't trusted them enough to believe in their love and friendship... How could he tell him what his father had really done to him...?

"Seiji... I don't... I... I had this dream... And..." He couldn't do it and the tears began again... He feared the rejection to greatly but instead of rejection all he felt were arms that tightened their hold on him, letting him know that he was indeed loved and that he wasn't alone... Seiji in his own way was showing him the comfort he so desperately sought out.

"Touma it's okay... Just say it little one. Know that whatever you say won't change how I feel about you... I promise." It was tearing his heart out to hear the sobs coming from the man he now held close to his chest and he fought to hold in the emotions that were swirling inside of him. "Tell me what frightens you, you don't have to fear me... I could never think badly of you no matter what it is you say... Our friendship is so strong Touma...It will never end, not over this or anything else." Seiji rubbed Touma's back, trying to soothe him... With his words and actions as he gently rocked him like a parent would do with a child.

"If you don't want the others to know then rest assured that I will uphold whatever you say in the strictest of confidence." His voice remained calm and soft as he spoke against the head of indigo hair that he was beginning to enjoy feeling against his face.

Encouraged by Seiji's words and actions, Touma began to relax as he pulled back a little to look into his friend's eyes. With a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts, Seiji leaned in to lay a soft kiss to his forehead, shocking the archer slightly. Closing his eyes and once again laying his head against Seiji's chest... He began to speak as the swordsman's heartbeat calmed him even further.

"When my f... father was b... beating me, he kept t... telling me that I... I was n... nothing... That I was u... useless. When I... I..." A sob escaped his throat and he had to take several deep breaths before going forward. "When I... I was alone... in my room... there was a reflection... in my mirror... that spoke t... to me. He kept t... telling me that none of y... you love me... That I c... could never be l... loved because of w... what I let m... my f... father do to me." Touma was sobbing harder now and the words were becoming harder to say but he trudged one... He had to.

"Seiji... I... Uhm... I allowed my... father to... Iletmy fatherrapeme!" He spit out rapidly fearing that if he didn't, he wouldn't say it at all.

Touma was crying and shaking so badly now that Seiji had to grab a blanket and wrap it around the younger warrior... The words stung his heart... Nothing could have touched the swordsman as deeply as the confession that had come from Touma's lips.

"Touma, listen to me... You did nothing wrong! You are not to blame for what your father did! What that bastard did to you was an act of violence, you are the victim not the cause. Further more, everything he told you is a lie... We won't stop caring about you because of this... Never, ever!" Tears began trickling down the swordsman's cheeks now.

"Your father will pay for what has done... One way or another, he will pay. Don't allow his words to get to you... That's all they are, words. I... WE will always love you." Seiji held fast to Touma until his sobs slowed before helping the archer back into bed. Pulling the covers up to his neck, Seiji brushed back sweaty blue bangs before tenderly kissing the archer's cheek.

Touma brought his hand up to his cheek, stunned by the swordsman's show of affection. "S... Seiji? You kissed me... Why?" Touma knew it most likely meant nothing... Just a simple act of friendship. It wasn't a kiss done out of love in the way he so desperately wanted from the blond... That was a mere fantasy he had. Even so, he would content himself with that simple display. Seiji hadn't rejected at least, instead he had comforted him, held him and showed more emotion then he had ever done on the past. Touma decided to just be happy with what Seiji was willing to give... His friendship.

"Touma, I think it's best that you rest for awhile, you're running a fever and some of your injuries have reopened... I will try and see what I can do about healing them, but you must rest!" Seiji stood up only to have a hand grab his wrist. "What Touma? Do you need something?" Seiji asked, feeling slightly concerned by the sadness that swept over Touma's face.

"Please Seiji, don't leave me alone! I... I don't want to be alone..." Touma searched his mind for a reason to keep the blond there, he wasn't ready to let him go... Not yet anyway. "Seiji you said there was something else you had to tell me... I told you my thing... Now will you tell me yours?" Touma pleaded with his eyes and Seiji found himself melting under their gaze. Sitting back down Seiji was taken by surprised when two arms quickly wrapped around him and Touma pressed against his chest.

"T... Touma, calm down little one... I was only going to go into the bathroom to get you something for that fever and fresh bandages for your wounds, that's all." Seiji choked back the emotions that were ready to burst forth from his heart. He responded to the embrace by encircling the trembling archer in his own strong arms, realizing just how much he liked this feeling... It felt right. "Touma you need to lie down and let me get that stuff.. I'll be right back, I promise."

"No! You have to tell me first... If you don't then I won't allow you to heal me!" Touma gave Seiji the same puppy dog eyes that Jun would give Nasutei anytime the youngster needed something. Seiji couldn't help but smile as he gave Touma a little squeeze.

"You are such a brat at times... I think that intelligence of yours is a little too good a thing for you surely know how to lay it on thick." Seiji chuckled a bit when Touma agreed with him. "Now stop being so stubborn and let me fix you up and only THEN will I tell you what I need to say... If you refuse then my lips are sealed... Got that?" Seiji cupped his chin and smiled. "Now lie back and behave!" he said as their foreheads touched.

Touma surrendered to Seiji's request, curious as to what it was the swordsman had to say. He couldn't help but sense the nervousness in not only Seiji's voice but in his eyes as well... There was something else... Seiji was actually blushing! Boy this is a first! Now I really need to know what it is he has to tell me... I have never seen Seiji like this before but I kind of like it!

Seiji went into the bathroom that adjoined their room he needed some time to collect his thoughts. Emotions he had never experienced before were overwhelming him and he had to organize them in his mind. When he reemerged he was carrying a basin with warm water and along with several other items to help him. Before sitting down again he quickly stuck a thermometer into Touma's mouth, thereby ensuring that the archer would remain quiet while he spoke.

"Shut up and don't try and speak with that thermometer in your mouth... I now you want to hear what I have to say but you have to let me say it... Without interruptions!" Seiji took several calming breathes before speaking further. "Touma? I... I was a fool... I was a fool because right after you confessed to me about your preferences for males or rather a male... I began thinking about us... Our friendship and the rapport we had." Seiji saw Touma about to speak and quickly silenced him. "Shush! I'm speaking now!" He utilized his eyes and the effects they could have on a person to their fullest extent.

"I thought a lot about us... and well at first I wasn't sure just how to behave around you or even what to say for that matter. It wasn't until we came to rescue you and I saw that look in your eyes and the way I feared for your safety that I began to understand what I was feeling. It took me a while to realize just what it was that I was feeling for you..."

Both men stared into each other's eyes, Seiji could feel his heart pounding madly in his chest as he looked into midnight blue eyes... In that instant he knew he ad to say it... He had to confess what it was that laid within his heart.

"Touma... I think... That I... That uhm I... Touma I think I'm falling in love with you...!"

End of chapter 3

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Want more?

First You have to let me know what do you think, let a review or send an e-mail!

Second you have to be more patient with me, it isn't so simple to translate a story in english!

Third you have to thanks the greatest Wildefyre, because without her help this story wasn't readable, Thank you with all of my heart!!!

Fourth I haven't the slightest idea to how I can continue this story… Ehy don't worry, it's only a joke! But before anyone could ask me: the fog and the mirror's imagine are only jokes of Touma's mind… poor guy lets try to understand him!