Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Holiday Memories and Nightmares ❯ Peace and Revenge ( Epilogue )

A/N: This is it! The last chapter of HMN!

JC: Wow, this is the quickest we've written a chapter story ever!

Kathrine: I hope that you all enjoyed this fic. We loved writing it.

JC: This is story had the best results out of any of ours.

Kathrine: I'm kinda sad to see this end. I would have loved to continue the ending a little farther. Maybe I will someday.

JC: Here yall go!

Disclaimer: WE WANT TO OWN!!! WE"LL PAY ANYTHING!!!

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, NCS, and Torture of Character. The Epilogue!! We hope yall like how we dealt with HIM!

Holiday Memories and Nightmares

Written by Jennifer and Kathrine

Epilogue - Peace and Revenge

Dear Journal,

Hey it's me again. I guess I still feel awkward about writing in this even if it has been over three months. But my therapist was right; it has helped to write how I feel down. Now I'm writing because of a very big decision that I made last week. Touma doesn't want me to, but I know it is for the best and he accepts that. I need it for my own piece of mind. I am going to visit Jack. I have to talk to him, tell him how I feel and how much he hurt me over the years. I believe that is the only way for me to actually move past this and go on with my life.

These last three months or more have been very strange for me. I have been seeing my therapist, Doctor Ami. She's only a few years older than I am and hates for me to call her by her last name. I guess it makes her feel old, even though she's the youngest psychiatrist around. You wouldn't believe that she turned out to be Touma's cousin, would you? She still has been helping me to deal with this, telling me it's not my fault and that most victims believe that it is. Victim. I've never saw myself that way until I had to listen to her and Touma repeat it to me for almost a month straight. I always believed I deserved this, but now I guess I understand that I didn't and it wasn't something about me that caused this to happen.

Oh Touma. Gods, he's been right beside me every step of the way. He's like my ultimate pillar of strength that has yet to bend or waver. I don't think I would have made it through this without him near me. Even though I tried to push him away at first, thinking I didn't deserve him even after he told me how much he loved me. Gods, I was such a mess back then and even now I wonder why Touma didn't just give up on me. Even so, I'm glad that he didn't.

It's still a fear of mine that I'll really hurt him one day. I've read how some victims try to gain back control of their lives by hurting the people close to them and become just like their abusers. I don't want to hurt Touma, I love him too much and he's done so much for me. I keep thinking about after I'd been healed how I tried to stay away from everyone, locking myself in my room.

Whenever someone said something to me I reacted like an enraged animal, striking out at him or her and forcing them to leave me alone. I couldn't keep in the anger, the shame. Not even Dr. Ami could help me keep the anger in check, seeing as the meetings with her weren't really helping at the time. But I didn't want them to have to deal with my anger so I stayed in my room as much as I could.

Touma didn't like it so he wouldn't leave me alone. The strange thing was that he didn't try to get me to talk. He just sat on his bed and read, the offer of comfort always there if I needed it. I knew that I actually did need someone besides Doctor Ami to talk to, but I didn't want to get anyone else involved. Touma still has a scar on his arm from when I threw my alarm clock at the large mirror above my dresser and it shattered, pieces hitting him from across the room just because of the force of my throw.

I guess that was the wake up call I needed though. I realized that Touma was going to be the one suffering if I continued to act like I was. That really shook me up because I didn't want Touma to get hurt. I wanted him to stay away, but he wouldn't. So I made a deal with him, talk to him when I felt the anger coming and try to let Doctor Ami help me, but in return he would allow me to be alone when I needed it. He still said that he got to decide when I needed to be alone. I got the short end of the deal and it ended up working out for the best anyway. I owe him for that.

It reminds me of this dream I had where I was just a child and HE was trying to hurt me again. It was like a memory, the time he'd broken my arm. But something had been different. Touma had been there and he had saved me. He had killed Jack to protect me. But then I was no longer my child self anymore and Touma was holding me, trying to soothe my tears away. And then he told me he loved me and kissed me. Sure it was on my forehead, but it was a kiss nonetheless.

I felt so tired then, like I was awake and about to fall asleep. But I wanted Touma to know first. To know that I loved him as well. I think I did say it before I passed out though, I'm not sure. But when awoke, Touma was there. The dream was still fresh in my mind and I guess his as well because he told me it was real. But how had he shared my dream? How had he gotten into my nightmare?

I'm still not sure, but I had tried to relax after that. Tried to just let him be there for me that day. I was too exhausted to do otherwise. I guess that was when all of my fears came to the front. The thoughts that I wasn't good enough for Touma, or that I would end up hurting like Jack hurt me, and even some that said Touma might actually hurt me again. Those didn't last more long because I know Touma would never intentionally hurt me, but the others left me feeling uneasy and afraid. Yes I, Date Seiji, was definitely afraid of what could happen.

I'm still glad Touma was there for me, even if I didn't want his support at the time. I still don't think I'm good enough for him, but he just frowns at me whenever I say it and goes into detail of how he's the one that's not good enough for me. I know that they're all lies, but hey, who am I to complain if I get the one person I love more than anything else in the world?

I finally went into our old room last week. It feels so strange to be in there when so many good memories are in there as well as the ones created in just that one night. My bed was stripped clean, the sheets taken into evidence, and the walls in the room were bare. The boys had indeed come in and taken everything out to redo my and Touma's new room. There were stains on the wooden floor by the window in between both side of the room. Touma had told me that was probably Jack's blood from when Byakuen had attacked him. I still owe the over grown house cat for that.

I felt very disoriented while I was in there, different memories of different events muddling in my mind at the time. I was thinking about how Touma and I used to sit out on the balcony and watch the stars, how Touma and I would read together on one of our beds when he convinced me to stay up late with him. But then the memories of what Jack did to me in that very room came back, mixing with my good memories and giving me a terrible headache. Touma had to force me to leave the room before I had another breakdown.

I guess that's why I'm going to see Jack today. I think if I can put him and what he's done to me in the past to stay than I can finally conquer my fear of that room. The boys believe it's strange that I'm more afraid about going into that room than seeing Jack. I would think the same thing if I didn't understand why. Touma understands though, he knows that the good memories we share within that room mean a lot to me. I don't want memories of Jack's abuse to ruin them. They're one of my main comforts in life. Well…besides Touma himself.

But even he and I are still going through the healing process. We still haven't made love yet because of my fears and his belief that I might have flashbacks somewhere along the way. He's right though. I still do have flashbacks, just not like right after it happened. I know that they won't go away though. Too many years to try to erase in only three months. Touma wants to be sure I'm ready when we do take the next step though and I'm willing to wait until it's time. Rushing it will only hurt our relationship more.

Mom keeps checking up on me. She writes and calls quite often. Her letters are often filled with apologies that are not needed. None of this was her fault, she just sees too much good in people and it was hard for her to believe people can hurt others the way Jack hurt me. My dad is the same way, especially with Jack being his friend for so long and the only friend from America he still had. They couldn't believe someone they saw as being in such good character could do such things. But now they know that not all people who seem good are as they appear.

I haven't heard from Grandfather yet. He seems to have distanced himself from me and my parents haven't relayed any messages from him. I hope he doesn't feel guilty as well. He didn't know this would happen. He shouldn't blame himself. I guess my entire family might just have a 'guilt complex', as Doctor Ami puts it. She thinks that it could either be hereditary or just from the way our family has raised its children over the generations.

Well, Touma's waiting for me in the doorway so I better end this now. I don't usually talk to inanimate objects, but arigato Journal. Using you has been a great help, but after today I probably won't needing you anymore. I hoping I can conquer some of my ghosts today. If it works out I'll won't have to use this again. So this is farewell.

Date Seiji

*****

Seiji set the pen in his hand back down on his desk and closed the now familiar journal with a sigh. It had both a stylized lightning bolt and arrowhead on the front in black against the marble-like green and blue background, courtesy of his artist of a boyfriend. Thinking of which… The blonde turned his head towards the doorway and smiled lovingly at the blue-haired boy that was waiting for him.

" You done now?" Touma asked with mock annoyance.

" Hai," the blonde nodded. " Just had to finish my entry for the day." He then stood, wrapping his arms around the archer's waist after he walked over to desk. It was strange to finally be able to look each other straight in the eyes. The last three months had finally ended the height war of the past three and so years with a draw.

" Why didn't you wait?" Touma asked him with a motion to the notebook on the desk. " You'll probably have more to write when we get back."

Seiji turned away and picked up the journal before placing it in the one open desk door and closing it, locking it with a silver key. " No," he then replied. " I don't think I will need it anymore."

" All right," he gave in. " But we have to go now. Remember your coat."

" Yes, mother," Seiji snickered. That was what confused him sometimes about Touma. He would back off when he knew something was important or wouldn't baby him when he was sick, but then would remind him to get his coat as if he was a small child. Sometimes it annoyed him, but mostly he just found it amusing and teased him for it like now.

He grabbed his coat from their closet and followed his lover out their door. He stared at the door of the infamous 'Room' as they headed towards the stairs together. One day I will go in there and not have an attack or deal with the memories Jack stained into the walls, he promised himself. I'll be able to remember what Touma and I used to do together with HIM turning it into something ugly.

" Come on Blondie," Touma took his hand in his own.

" Hai," the blonde nodded and allowed the archer to lead him down the stairs.

" Goodbye you two," Nasuti smiled at them as she exited the living room. She then turned to give a reassuring glance to Seiji. " Good luck. Everything will probably go just fine."

" That's what I told him," the blonde motioned to Touma. Nasuti giggled before going into the kitchen.

" We need to leave or we never will," Seiji sighed. He was trying to hide his nervousness at the thought of going to see Jack. He knew that there was nothing to actually fear and he had used that to play the strong one when Touma had said he wasn't ready to go, but by doing so he had only made the blonde want to prove him wrong.

" Let's go," Touma agreed and opened the door, allowing Korin to go first before closing the door behind them both.

*****

It felt strange to be there. The walls were solid white, perfectly sterile and smelling like bleach and stale pine cleaner. Seiji closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. Touma stood beside him, his eyes set on the same thing his were, a door. A woman stood next to the white-painted entrance with chin length hair with bluish tints quite obvious.

" Are you sure about this Seiji?" she questioned him for the fifth time. They'd been standing outside the door for about fifteen minutes now and she was beginning to believe that Seiji truly was not ready for what he was attempting.

" Hai, I'm sure," he finally told her after being silent for the most of the time they'd been waiting. He himself had started to believe that he might not have been ready to go through with seeing Jack. He knew the man was unable to hurt him anymore than he already had, but he couldn't help the pang of uneasiness in his stomach. This is what he'd been waiting twelve years for. The chance to tell the person that had tormented him exactly how he felt.

Either now or never, he told himself. I have to stop being so afraid. He felt a hand slip into his own and knew that Touma was right there with him, lending him the support he so desperately needed. He gave him a weak smile before using his one free hand to take the knob of the door and turn it. He closed his eyes again and took in a deep, calming breath.

" I'll be right out here," Doctor Ami touched his shoulder right before he and Touma entered the room and shut the door behind them.

Inside the room was the quiet murmur of a machine or two coinciding with the steady beep of a heart monitor. The blonde moved around a partition that was by the door and let his eyes fall on the single bed in the room. On the bed was the object of his depression, lying inert with no signs of awaking any time in the near future. He was pale and IVs were hooked into his arms, routing in nutrition to keep him a live.

Touma squeezed his hand before letting it go and taking a step back. He knew that Seiji needed to do this on his own and accepted that, but his arms were ready to comfort Korin if something should happen. They had both been shocked to the call Seiji had received the day after their strange dream experience that had told them that Jack Williams had suffered a severe heart attack and then slipped into a coma. No doctor could find the answer for the heart attack or the deep sleep he'd entered afterwards.

But I know Gen and Yami Masho have something to do with it, he was sure of that. He remembered seeing two figures outside their window that same night three months ago and knew exactly who said figures had been. I will owe them for that. His eyes then cut into a glare as his eyes shifted to the pathetic being on the bed. I can only hope that whatever they did to you will make you suffer for eternity.

Seiji was pretty oblivious to his lover's thoughts behind him. His gaze was still trapped on the bed and its occupant. He felt a strange lump in his throat that was preventing him from speaking and making his nervousness even worse. Just staring at HIM was bringing back memories that he didn't want to remember. They were causing his hands to shake in a way that had become very normal over the past few months when he was uneasy.

I have to do this, he repeated in his mind. He can't hurt me so why am I so afraid? He is trapped in his own world now, I'll never have to deal with him again. He told himself that continually and could feel what had been blocking his voice dwindle before disappearing completely.

" H-hello Jack," he whispered before becoming quiet once more. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to express how much he hurt, how much he hated the man before him (If he could be called a man), and how much he wanted to let everything go, but couldn't. His mind was freezing up and he could feel a trickle of sweat go down the side of his neck, right across the burn mark that just wouldn't go away.

" I g-guess this is a little strange," the blonde let out a humorless, nervous chuckle. " Whenever we met before, I always ended up getting hurt. But I guess you can't hurt me anymore, can you?" The blonde waited a moment, almost as if expecting an answer that he knew wouldn't come. " But if you can't hurt me, then why do I still feel this sense of fear when I think of you?"

Touma watched as the blonde ran a hand through his unruly blonde locks before starting to pace back and forth in front of the bed. " You always told me you didn't want me to be afraid of you," he continued, " but yet you purposely made me fear you because of what you did. Why? Why continue to twist words when you had already broken my soul?"

Tears began to fill pale violets eyes and Touma reached out to soothe the blonde. Seiji stopped him with a touch of his hand. " I-I'm not done," he told him. " I-I have to get this out before it eats me alive." Then he turned back to the motionless figure he'd been talking to.

" I don't know if you can hear me or not," the blonde spoke. " I don't care either. I have to tell you this, even if you're not listening." He was then quiet before clearing his throat and stating, " Y-you…You h-hurt me, Jack. You hurt me worse than anyone I have ever met and yet you never cared. You enjoyed hurting me. Why? I know I won't get an answer, but I still want to know why. Why did you love hurting me so much?"

Seiji didn't stop there. He had opened the floodgates and now he couldn't help but let out all that he felt inside. " I locked away how much I hated you for so long and tried to forget, but you never let me forget. You refused to let me have a normal life and enjoyed torturing me in during the day and even in my dreams. You're the reason I feared the dark as a child. You were my Boogie man and reveled in it!

Do you even know or care about what you've done to me? You have scarred my soul and I don't even know if that scar will ever completely heal. It will always be there as a reminder of you that I don't want. You Bastard! You wanted me to break, you wanted me to lose everything so that I really would be yours and only yours! Guess what Jack? I'm in love now! I have someone that loves me and doesn't care about what you've done! He doesn't care and I love him with all my heart!"

Touma felt tears coming to his eyes at that proclamation. It had been so hard for Seiji to admit his feelings and even speak those words in the past. He had been too afraid that everything would fall apart. But he had just admitted it in front of HIM, the one that had tried to ruin all his chances of ever finding true love. The archer walked up and wrapped his arms around the blonde's shoulders, helping to calm down his racing heart.

" I'm free now Jack," Seiji told the shell on the bed as tears cascaded down his cheeks. " You can't touch me anymore. I have decided to let it go, let you go. You can no longer ruin my life and I refused to let the past destroy the peace I've found. We shall never see each other again, unless you decide to wake up and pay for what you have done. I'm not going to look back anymore, you're forgotten."

The tears wouldn't stop now, it was far too late to try to halt them. Seiji's voice left him and a sob caught in his throat. He leaned back in the protective arms that held him and breathed in Touma's security. He already could feel the pain that had weighted down his soul beginning to dissolve. He had just poured out his heart to his tormentor and it allowed him to truly feel free. Jack couldn't touch him anymore. He was able to live his life without the fear and depression.

" Are you okay?" Touma asked him.

" Hai," Seiji nodded into his shoulder. " Let's go home. I can't stay here any longer." The blue-haired boy nodded and led him to the door and out of the room. Neither even bothered to look back.

*****

The darkness had returned. HE cowered in fear and anxiety. He didn't like the darkness. It hurt him and laughed when he cried out in pain. The darkness was evil. The darkness was a monster in itself without the help of the others lurking within its mysterious mists. That's when the chuckling voice came back.

" Well, Jack," it laughed. " You've been a bad boy again. I guess you have to be punished."

" No!" the man shook his head like a scared child. " I'm sorry!" The darkness ignored his pleas and he could feel slimy hands with no fingers crawling all over him, grabbing his wrists and pinning them down again the cold stone ground he lay on.

" Bad boy," a hand smacked him across the face and the strange burn as if his skin was melting away. Jack screamed out in agony and then the hand pushed into his chest, burning him until he knew the skin was gone. His breath's came out in gasps and rasps, but the pain was etched into his body and had taken root so as not to be taken away.

" You hurt him," the voice whispered as if it was right by is ear. " You made him fear you and called him your 'demon.' I am your demon, Jack, remember that."

" Y-yes-" he screamed out when he felt penetration. It happened like this every time. The voice would come and he would be beaten and punished. He couldn't escape it, all of it in his mind. He felt himself being ripped in two and the enjoyment from his tormentor for causing him pain. Hands held him down, burning him while he was violated in the worst ways. And then he felt another burning hand touch grasp him tightly.

" You're not enjoying yourself Jack," the voice seemed disappointed. The hand squeezed him and he screamed. Blood filled his mouth from the back of his throat and his felt as his most previous object was stripped in a burning flame of pain.

But then the cold came. He was freezing, his body chilled to the bone as if he was left naked in the middle of a blizzard. He wanted to curl up so that he could try to keep warm but the slimy hands held him down, keeping him from hiding from the chill. He was trapped. He was trapped and in pain that he couldn't describe even in his wildest of dreams.

" But you see Jack," the voice came again as if it read his thoughts. " This is a dream, a dream you'll never leave. This is a dream you'll live in for all eternity." It was then that he felt himself beginning to pass out, the pain too great. He knew he would awaken in a short time with all his injuries gone and the pain gone as well. He would then be left until he felt safe and then the pain would begin again. The voice was right, he couldn't escape. The voice was always there to create new pain for him to endure and he had no way to free himself from it.

" I'm sorry," he whispered with a hoarse voice as unconsciousness claimed him. " I'll be good…I'll be good…"

A/N: Did yall like the ending? We think that Jack got his just desserts.

Kathrine: I still want to write a whole story about him being tortured. I know I created him, but I still hate the guy.

JC: We would like to thank all of the reviewers that ever reviewed or just read the story. It means a lot to us. We would also like to thank future readers in advance so that in case someone reads this later o they know we appreciate them doing so.

Kathrine: Now please review and tell us how much you liked the ending.

JC: We better go. We have to work on another story. Ja ne!