Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Koi wa Kurushimi ❯ The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, ( Chapter 11 )

Koi wa Kurushimi
By Djinn Hashiba-Maxwell

And indeed there will be a time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" --
Time to turn back and descend the stair

- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
- T.S. Eliot

Special Dedication - to Cye's Girl and Wildefyre, just because I love them both into little bite-size pieces!

* * *

Touma came to one of the more unpleasant awakenings of his young life, as a stinging slap across his cheek wrenched him from a deep sleep. He had to blink a few times before the form bending over him solidified into his traveling companion.

"Oh this had better be good." He growled, glaring up at the ninja.

The look Ryo responded with was one of sympathy. "The convent is burning."

"The ... what??" Touma jumped from the mat, fingers fisting in the collar of Ryo's robe. "What do you fucking mean the convent is burning?!"

Ryo grabbed his arms to make sure Touma wasn't struck by the desire to strangle him. "I mean it's on fire, Touma! You can see the fucking smoke from here!"

Touma was gone. He didn't stop to put on something more appropriate than the kimono he was sleeping in, did not even pause to put on his sandals. He had the reins of the first horse he found in his hand and he swung up onto it's back with a certain grace borne of haste. Ryo was right behind him, shouting words that Touma didn't register.

Then he was on horseback, racing towards the pillar of smoke, not far distant at a speed that was distinctly unhealthy for the beast he was riding. Dimly he was aware of another set of hoofbeats following him, but he chose to ignore them.

And then the tree line was breaking, and he could see the wide brick of the convent.

Smoke poured from the windows, fire crackled from some of the lower ones. But despite this, there was no sounds of life. Touma had morbidly expected screams, horror, women fleeing from the burning structure as others attempted to save their sisters. But there was nothing.

He slid off the back of the horse before it stopped moving, and he was sprinting towards the smoldering building. He heard someone yelling, and was rather surprised when he realized that it was him. But he didn't stop to think about the surprise. All he knew was that his sister, the only person to stand by him his entire life, his twin, the girl he had risked his life and reputation to spare, was inside that building. Burning.

And then suddenly her was being restrained, arms around him, holding him in a full nelson. "Touma!! What are you doing?!"

"Shizuru! I've got to find her!"

"Touma the place is ... !"

"She's in there!! I've got to go get her!"

"The place is going up in flames! There's no chance!"

Touma slipped out of Ryo's grip. "I've got to ... !"

A hand on his shoulder spun him around, and Ryo slapped him. Hard. "Wake up, Touma! If she's still in there, she's already dead! And I won't see you dead too!"

They say that twins have a certain connection between them, even those that are not from the same genes, like Touma and Shizuru. In a way, this was true. Touma knew, both logically and by pure instinct, that Shizuru was already gone. He could feel it, somehow. But that didn't stop him from punching Ryo hard, right above the left eye. "You bastard! Don't you care?!? Shizuru is in there and ..."

"Touma." Ryo voice was much calmer now, from where he was still half-sprawled on the ground from the force of Touma's punch. One hand covered his eye. "Touma," again that soothing, almost patronizing tone, "there's nothing you can do right now. If you go in there, you're not going to be able to get back out. I'm sorry Touma, I am. But there's nothing to be done." He stood slowly, hands held palm-first in front of him, as if he were approaching a wild animal. "Okay, Touma? Okay?"

"Ryo," Touma ground out. "Stop treating me like a fucking child!"

Ryo abruptly halted. He knew that of all things, the one Touma hated most was not being taken seriously. That was why he tended to kill the people he slept with, who saw him as nothing more than a little uke boy-slut.

Although, you could argue, if it bothered him so much then he shouldn't sleep with people so readily.

A good point, certainly, but who had the balls to say that the Hashiba Touma?

Abruptly, Touma deflated. Anyone else probably would have cried, but Touma had used up all his tears a long time ago. His legs folded under him, arms went up to wrap around himself. Fine shivers overtook him, and one word passed his lips.

"Shizuru."

His head bowed, body shaking with pain, rage and horror. Words slipped form his lips without conscious thought.

"Akuko did this. Akuko ... destroyed this entire place, just to kill my sister ..." There was no way to describe Touma's voice. It wasn't guilt, it wasn't regret, it wasn't sadness ... it wasn't even hate or vengeance or something like that. It was just a few notes above complete numbness, but the emotion that was there burned in a way that defied explanation.

"I will kill whoever did this." Not an empty threat, considering the source.

There was no doubt in Ryo's mind about that. He swallowed. "I'll help." He said simply.

* * *

"What do you mean, we're staying?!" The British man demanded of his translator. The slight man waved his hands emphatically, stuttering red-faced.

"Mi-sta Mouri, the convent was burned down, and Shuu-sama wants to stay and investigate." The man tried to explain.

"We're already a week behind!" Shin exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "You're telling me that after going out of our way to stop here, we have to stay - because what we were visiting isn't here anymore!"

"Mi-sta Mouri, many Sisters died in the convent's fire ..." The translator offered softly.

"I do not care!!" He yelled back. "At this rate, I shall never get back to England!"

Shuu, who had been waiting patiently for the gaijin to finish this conversation, meshed his fingers calmly. "Excuse me, but would you please inform the captain that if he does not become more accepting of these events very soon, I will give him something to REALLY complain about." Shuu said calmly. "This is my command, he is merely an observer."

The translator paled slightly, but relayed the message, or a watered-down version of it, to the British naval captain. The redheaded man blinked, mouth hanging open like a fish, and then was yelling so loudly that surely the entire encampment could hear. Shuu didn't know what he was saying, and frankly didn't care to know.

"Tell him to go to his tent and stay there." Shuu told the translator. "Consider it 'confined to quarters'."

* * *

"I don't know if this is a good idea, Touma ..." Ryo murmured. But the blue haired boy wasn't listening, shifting through the ashes of the convent, looking for something he wouldn't reveal to Ryo.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I don't care what you think?" Touma growled back, not turning.

"Frequently." Ryo responded. "Touma this ... isn't healthy."

"I'm not doing anything morbid!" Touma protested. "What do you think, that I'm looking for Shizuru's c-- ... c--" He could bring himself to say 'corpse'; his voice cracked on the first syllable. He scowled and went back to his search.

"Well what ARE you doing then??" Ryo demanded, annoyed. He'd tried to be sympathetic in the beginning but, as he should have expected, that just made things worse. It was better to treat Touma like nothing was wrong.

To his surprise, Touma actually answered this time. "A long time ago, I ... gave Shizuru something. Something important, because I knew she would be better to keep it safe. I have to make sure that they didn't find it."

And then Touma saw it. The wooden chest that had been at the foot of Shizuru's bed. It lay on it's side, badly charred, but the wood was too heavy to have been burned completely through. If anywhere, that was where it would be. Where Shizuru kept that which was special to her, and he knew, without egotism, that anything he gave to her fell in that category.

It was locked, but Touma made short work of that, the lock springing open with a minimum of effort. Being a poor nun, Shizuru probably saw no reason to buy a pick-proof lock. All the easier for him; if it had been too badly charred or too well made to be picked, he would have had to go find an axe and bust the damn thing open. As it was, it clicked open easily.

Inside were the kimono that Shizuru had showed him before. In addition to the one she had put on were several much simpler ones - trust Shizuru to want to model the most elaborate one. Touma shifted them aside; they were of no interest to him, he was not a sentimentalist. Underneath were papers, sheaves and sheaves of dull yellow paper. Touma realized dimly that they were letters, mostly from Shuu.

And then, beneath the papers, was a smaller box. It was red velvet, the size of a jewelry box.

There were fingerprints in the velvet, from being handled too much. Touma could just picture Shizuru taking it out just too look at it, wondering what was so important about what it contained, that Touma needed it somewhere where it would never be found. Touma had intended to explain it to her only if he had to come and take it. Well, he had come for it, but it was a little late to be explaining anything to Shizuru.

He had been apart from her for so long, the fact that he would never see her again seemed so unreal. Like the death of someone you'd only met once or twice. You still wouldn't be surprised to see them on the street.

"All right." Touma shut the chest, rising to his feet. "I've got what I came for. Let's go." He slid the small box into his kimono.

* * *

"Evening, blondie." Touma threw open the doorway of the tent, letting the light in. Seiji blinked at the sudden infusion of light. "I'm going to take off the bandage. You can talk, so long as you don't move your jaw, all right?"

Seiji nodded, and Touma began to unwind the long bandage.

"Now I'm only going to explain this to you once, blondie. When I was cooped up at Aito-kyo's place I could've killed you in your sleep, and we both know it. But I didn't, so the way I figure it, you owe me." Touma tossed the bandage aside carelessly. "So, you're going to come with me to Onokoro."

Seiji tried to move his jaw, but a pain that threatened to become blinding if he continued the motion stopped him. His teeth still gritted together, he spoke his first civil words to Hashiba Touma.

"What's in Onokoro?"

Touma licked his lips, considering divulging this information. In the end, he seemed to think that actually telling the blonde what was going on was unnecessary. "I'll tell you when we get there, how about that?" He replied, his tone both patronizing and precluding any further questions.

"No." Seiji responded, and his tone was equally resolute. "You think I am going to jump at the chance to follow around like a dog? I'm not Ryo."

Seiji gasped with the pain to his jaw as Touma slapped him, hard. "Don't you talk about Ryo like that!" He growled. "You've been alone all your life, so long that you got used to it! So long that you actually think you like it! Well, I never liked it, and Ryo is the only reason I'm not alone! He stayed, when no one else would, so if you say one bad thing about him I'll ..."

Touma didn't finish the sentence, but given his reputation, he didn't need to.

"Do you want to know what's in Onokoro?" He asked, closing his eyes. "The girl who just murdered my sister."

* * *

Kaiya: Wow ... what can Seiji say to that?

Nai: Uhm ... "I thought you murdered your sister"?

Kaiya: Ouch. Good point.