Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Koi wa Kurushimi ❯ When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, ( Chapter 13 )

Koi wa Kurushimi
By Djinn Hashiba-Maxwell

* * *

And indeed there will be a time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" --
Time to turn back and descend the stair

- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
- T.S. Eliot

* * *

"Niisan," The small, violet-haired ten-year-old called, "Who is that man?"

The man she addressed was no actually her brother, of course; she called him that for the sake of politeness, and besides, he was her elder, and the man who had looked after her for as far back as she could consciously remember. He looked down at her with a curiously raised eyebrow. "Which man, Kayura-sama?"

She blinked up at him, brow furrowed in annoyance. "Saa ... the pretty one."

The man looked over to the group milling by the gate, and immediately and instinctively knew which one the young girl was referring to. It was a childlike innocence that lead her to believe that 'the pretty one' was all the description necessary to identify the man who caught her attention, but in this case it was entirely too accurate.

'The pretty one' was the perfect way to describe this particular man.

"Ah, him." The man said. "That, Kayura-sama, is Hashiba Touma."

"I want him." The ten-year-old said. "I want him as my servant. Give him to me, niisan."

* * *

"Onokoro, is it?" Ryo commented dryly. "I thought it was strange, the way they always talk about Akuko going 'back to the beginning'. I guess they meant the beginning of the world."

Seiji snorted, and was somewhat annoyed when Touma laughed at the comment. It wasn't funny; it wasn't even clever. But Touma just grinned over his shoulder at the boy who sat behind him in the saddle, with the ninja's tanned arms wrapped securely around Touma's waist, cheek against Touma's shoulderblade. It had been like this since they got out of hearing range of the camp; Ryo making pointless, chatty comments, and Touma amicably listening, though he offered none of his own in response.

Abstractly, Seiji blamed himself. Maybe accusing Touma of loving that bedamned Sanada had caused Touma to become amenable to everything the damned annoying swordsman did.

Seiji glanced over at the other rider, and a pair of indigo eyes hovered on his own for a moment, before darting back to the boy behind him.

Or maybe, just maybe, Touma was grateful for anything that would break the silence, that would save him from his own thoughts.

And from the way Ryo's arms tightened around Touma's waist, it was possible that that was the ninja's exact intention.

"So Touma-kun, do you think that Shuu will send anyone after us? He's kind of protective of you, you know." Ryo commented. Touma frowned thoguhtfully.

"I ... don't think so. Shuu knows where I'm going, he won't try to stop me."

* * *

"We'll stop here for the night."

Touma word was not contested, though the sour expression Seiji cast him clearly showed that he was not entirely pleased with Touma's choice. Perhaps the life of a bodyguard had spoiled him, but he was no longer accustomed to 'roughing it'. And Touma hadn't had the forethought to pack even a small tent. Or he hadn't cared; he and Ryo were well used to sleeping under the stars.

The blonde silently slid off his horse silently, tying the animal's bridle around the nearest tree branch. The beast was a military mount, so he assumed it was intelligent enough to stay where it was put.

"Ryo, do you mind setting up the camp? I'm going to back to that stream and get some water."

The ninja smiled engagingly, and Seiji got the feeling that Touma could have asked the other boy to cut his hands off and use them as kindling, and the dark-haired would have done, just to please him. "Sure thing, Touma." He said cheerfully, before unrolling the his pack and moving to start a fire.

"Wanna help me, Seiji?"

Seiji had nodded and moved to follow Touma before it occurred to him that he was just as much under the younger boy's spell as Ryo was.

* * *

"So Seiji," Touma called from where he stood, standing at the deepest part of the creek to fill his flask, though even the deepest part was scarcely up to his calves, "how did you get into this business?"

Seiji blinked from where he stood on the bank, trying to wash some of the dirt and grime out of his hair. It seemed to have become matted there during his 'dramatic escape' from Kayura, and this was the first real chance he'd had to bathe. His hair had not been washed when his wounds were.

"What business?" He asked dumbly, not having been paying attention to the other boy.

"You know," Touma grinned, "killing people for cash."

Seiji, not unsurprisingly, balked. "I do not kill people!"

Touma snickered. "Sure you do! You were perfectly willing to send me to hang, weren't you? That was, if you didn't slice me open first."

"I was hired to protect Mikitsuna. You were a threat to her, and I had to eliminate you." Seiji said defensively. "It was business."

"Of course." Touma replied. "Killing is your business."

Seiji didn't respond to that.

"So how did you get into it, huh?" Touma repeated, glancing up at him.

Seiji looked away. "My father was from the west. One day he left and ... he just never came back. My mother nearly went mad from grief, I couldn't rely on her." Seiji scowled. "I have two sisters. If I hadn't found a way to make money, my elder sister was going to sell herself to a brothel. I couldn't allow that to happen."

"So I guess the rumors weren't true." Touma commented absently. At Seiji's perplexed expression, he elaborated. "You didn't see your parents murdered in front of you when you were a child." Seiji still looked perplexed; Touma sighed. "You haven't heard the rumors? Everyone thinks that reason you're so cold is because you saw your parents murdered."

Seiji snorted. "I most certainly had not heard that. People tend not to talk about me in my presence."

"I wonder why ..." Touma murmured sarcastically. "I hear all sorts of rumors about myself!" He offered, smirking. "Mostly because no one ever thinks I am who I am." Then he turned back to the topic at hand. "But still, you didn't explain why you became a mercenary. I mean, naturally you couldn't send you sister to a brothel, but you could have gotten any number of jobs ..."

"I know kendo." Seiji cut him off. "It was the only real skill I had then. So I started as a guard and ... well, it went from there."

"Who was the first person you ever killed?"

Seiji jumped. "Nani ka!?"

"Come on, we both know you've killed you fair share of people. Who was the first? Don't you remember?" When Seiji continued to remain silent, Touma shook his head. "You really are cold. Even I remember the first person I killed!"

"I know who it was!" Seiji snapped, annoyed.

"Then who?" Touma prodded, wading across the shallow creek and leaning against the tree beside the blonde, eyebrows raised expectantly.

Seiji sighed, knowing intuitively that the other man wouldn't let it go. "I don't know his name. I was guarding this rich, pompous snot who lived on the outskirts of town. I probably should have let the guy kill him ... but I caught him sneaking over the wall, and when he didn't hand over his sword, I slashed him. I ... hit lower than I had meant. Spilled his intestines all over the courtyard." His eyes were distant as he recalled, before he closed them, and shook his head. "The rich fuck gave me a bonus for a job well done." He spat. "I may kill people, but at least I don't pay other people to kill them for me! At least I don't congratulate people for killing some-mmm!"

Seiji was abruptly silenced by Touma's lips. The blue hair boy had, quick nonchalantly, leaned over from where he was slouching and sealed his mouth over the blonde's. He hadn't even uncrossed his arms. Seiji was too shocked to react in any way, whether to push the other boy away or return the kiss.

It was a matter of seconds before Touma pulled away, giggling. The laughter might have been caused by the look of complete and utter bafflement on Seiji's face. Or it might have been some strange joke that had just occurred to him, that had nothing to do with anything. You could never really tell with Touma.

"You're so sanctimonious!" Touma exclaimed, wrinkling his nose. "It's so cute!" He leaned over and kissed the other boy again, barely a peck this time, and then flopped down on the grass. He laughed out loud at the look on Seiji's face as he brought one hand up to his lips without thinking. The hand darted back to his side when he realized what he was doing, and he tried to glare at the other boy, but it was rather difficult to direct any sort of anger towards the pale, pretty, broadly smiling face of Hashiba Touma.

"Seiji, we kill people. If we didn't do it, someone else would. Either they'd hire another person, or they'd do it themselves. And if they did it themselves, they'd either die in the process, or succeed. And either way, someone is dead. Better for us to do it right, and get a bit of cash out of the arrangement. Besides, if we show up on their doorstep, chances are, they did something to bring us there." Touma said cheerfully. Then, not even changing his tone, "Hey Seiji, do you still want to fuck me?"

Seiji nearly fell over. "WHAA~AAT??!"

Touma cocked his head. "Well, I know you wanted to fuck me when you thought I was poor, innocent, naïve little Shuu Rowan ..." He batted his eyes coyly, "... I was just wondering if you still want to fuck me now that you know I'm the heartless assassin Hashiba Touma."

Seiji's mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Touma snickered.

"Either close your mouth, or say something. You look like a fish."

Seiji swallowed hard, eyes still wide, and managed to grate out, "Haven't you ever heard of tact?!"

Touma chuckled, absentmindedly blowing his hair out of his eyes. "Highly overrated, that. Are you going to answer my question or not?"

"Not." Seiji replied, turning. "Let's go back."

Touma jumped up with surprising agility and grabbed Seiji by the sleeve of his kimono. "Oh no you don't! I asked a question and I want an answer." Touma tugged Seiji around to face him. "So?"

Seiji glared.

The first thought he had was that the smirk on Touma's face could not be the precursor of anything good. But he didn't have long to ponder the nuances of the expression, as the other boy's face was suddenly to close to his own for him to focus. And then Touma's lips were on his, soft but insistent. And Seiji quickly rethought his earlier notion - this was indeed very good ...

He was too effectively distracted to notice as Touma wound a leg behind his and swept his feet from under him, knocking them both the ground. Touma landed on top, lips never leaving the blonde's, swallowing Seiji's startled exclamation of pain. Seiji realized dimly that falling like that, with Touma on top of him, had probably hurt quite a bit, but he was to distracted to really notice, what with Touma squirming against his hips, by all evidence trying to get comfortable in his position; straddling the blonde, his fingers knotted in the other's kimono.

To say that Seiji had not been expecting this was putting it mildly. Not that he was complaining. It was just that he had never seen Hashiba Touma seduce someone when there was no direct benefit to him as a result. So where was the benefit to Touma in all but assaulting him by the edge of a shallow creek, with no warning whatsoever?

Okay, so maybe the 'do you want to fuck me?' had been a warning. A little bit of one. But not enough for Seiji to make the connection between 'Touma asking random questions about copulation' to 'Touma shoving his tongue down my throat'.

Not that this was a bad thing ... mochiron ...

Touma lips had not detached from his own, the blue-haired boy's dexterous tongue flickering across his and gliding across his teeth and wringing noises of indignant desire from the older man. If Seiji had been thinking clearly, he might have been annoyed with how much control he had lost, simply to a kiss.

Then, abruptly, Touma pulled away. He smirked down at the boy sprawled below him, his expression victorious.

"I'll take that as a 'yes, I want to fuck you, Touma-sama.' Let's get back to the camp." And with that, Touma was up and off of him, leaving Seiji to blink dazedly at the dark green canopy above him.

* * *

Two sai. Small, light, effective weapons for someone without a lot of upper-body strength. And they could be used in so many ways; could shatter a sword if used right, could shred a body ...

Touma hadn't realized what the girl was practicing on, until he happened to walk past the gym during one of her sessions.

Targets did not scream.

He threw the door open, and there was the ten-year old, standing in the middle of the room, her sai in hand. She was twisting the metal weapons in the body of a man hanging from the ceiling by his wrists; his screams turning to gurgles as she shredded his lungs, under the careful instruction of the man she called 'niisan'. Touma felt the bile rise in his throat. He tried to call out, to demanded answers.

And then suddenly the person hanging from the ceiling was a familiar girl, with sliver-blue hair. The black habit she wore gleamed in the dimness with the wetness of her blood. Kayura turned to face him, older now, smirking as she licked the blood from her sai with a forked, snake-like tongue.

Touma found his voice to scream.

* * *

"Hashiba! Wake up, everyone in the prefecture can hear you!" Seiji growled, annoyed to cover his worry, shaking the other boy harshly. The muted whimpers and barely strangled scream the other boy had been emitting had Seiji quietly freaked. He had been trying to shake Touma awake for almost five minutes, and the other boy was still stubbornly sleeping, small helpless noises, like the cries of a child, escaping his lips. Goddamn it, how does one deal with nightmares when you can't even wake them up?

And then, abruptly, Touma shot up from the thin sleeping palette, gasping for breath, indigo eyes shooting open, wide and unseeing. His hands clutched the nearest thing, which happened to be Seiji's wrists. He gripped them with a strength Seiji wouldn't have thought the other capable of. In fact, Seiji thought he could feel the bones of his wrist grating against each other. "Touma!" he hissed, directly into the other boy's ear. "Snap out of it!"

Touma shook, once, blinking his eyes in surprise, as if he had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there.

His hands loosened on the blonde's wrists, and then fell away. " ... Seiji?" He whispered, sounding as if he didn't believe his eyes.

"Hai." Seiji murmured. "Are you okay? You sounded like you were having a nightmare."

"She ..." Touma took a deep, shuddering breath. "She was killing her, Seiji ... and I couldn't save her ..."

Seiji hesitated to ask, but in truth, he was morbidly curious. "Who was killing who, Touma?"

"Kayura ... and Shizuru ..." Touma murmured. "I couldn't save her ... oh god, why couldn't I save her, Seiji?" There were telltale droplets shining in the corners of Touma's bloodshot eyes, as he gripped Seiji by the shoulders, clinging with a terrible harshness.

"You ... you just weren't there." Seiji said awkwardly, drawing the other boy into an unskilled embrace, smoothing the wild blue hair with something bordering on tenderness. "It wasn't your fault."

"I can't give life." Touma whispered into the blonde's shoulder. "I can't give life, I can only take it. I'm a monster ... why are we monsters, Seiji?" He asked softly, sounding for all the world like a little lost child.

"They made us this way." Seiji replied. "We lived the only way we knew."

"Why can't I be human?" Touma whispered. "I just want to be human ... like everyone else ..."

And then there was nothing but the soft sound of breathing as the two boys gave into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Nai: READ. IT.

Kaiya: *gulps* Yes dear.

Nai: NOW.

Kaiya: "In an earlier ending note, I was quoted as making the comment 'who cares about SHIN, anyway?'. But what I meant was that Shane Moray, the equivalent of Shin in this AU, is annoying, and I personally don't care if he ever makes it to Kyoto. This was nothing against the character of Mouri Shin. I love Shin. I think he is a wonderful person. He is sexy, and handsome, and ..." EWWW!! Nai, this is so sick! I'm a dyke for christssakes!

Nai: Shin is sexy. Read the paper.

Kaiya: *grumbles* "... and handsome, and if he were amenable to the idea, I would sleep with him. I never meant to say anything bad about that sexy bitch." THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY!?!

Nai: Very! In fact, you're going to get laid tonight!

Kaiya: *blinks* ... YAY!!!