Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ To Remember ❯ Anubisu's Memory ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Cousin D 
Rajura returns Anubisu's memories and reflects on the doom he may have brought them.
Anime/Manga: Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 321 | Status: Completed
Rajura returns Anubisu's memories and reflects on the doom he may have brought them.
Anime/Manga: Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 321 | Status: Completed
CHAPTER 3: Anubisu’s Memory
It was time to let Anubisu remember, whether that was a wise decision or not.
Rajura didn’t wake Anubisu right away, as he thought that maybe he should. After all, it would surely be better to do this and get it over with. Instead, he stood up and looked down at Naaza and Anubisu, both asleep on his bed. It wasn’t an unusual situation to find them all sharing a bed, but Rajura thought that it was unusual how they were in his bed. It didn’t seem like that long ago that he wouldn’t have allowed anyone to share his bed. ‘I became weak.’ Rajura thought, miserably. ‘And Sh’ten died for my weakness.’
Rajura stepped back to get a better look at them. Naaza was huddled under the blankets for warmth, only his dark green hair and one hand were not covered. He was sleeping like the dead, still as a rock. Anubisu wasn’t nearly so peaceful in his slumber. He lay on his back, his arms and legs tangled in both the blankets and in Anubisu’s own kimono. Every few seconds, Anubisu’s face would tighten and his lips would thin. He looked terribly unhappy.
IT’S JUST A DREAM. LET HIM BE. Naaza’s voice whispered in Rajura’s mind, though outwardly Naaza looked sound asleep, still. He was face down on the bed with one arm against Anubisu’s and his face in perfect repose. WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE? YOU WANT ME TO PUT YOU TO SLEEP, AGAIN?
NO. I NEED TO THINK. JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT. ‘Should get this over with. Waiting isn’t helping anything.’ But Rajura moved back until his back was against the wall and he wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling his own dreams had brought to him. He hadn’t even thought of Sedari in a very long time and, for that, he was grateful. That his dreams should be mixed with both Sedari and Anubisu suggested that something would happen between them soon. Wouldn’t it be better to let Anubisu have all his memories at his disposal? Then, when something did happen he would be better prepared. ‘He’ll be angry with me. Blazes! Since when did something like that ever affect my judgment? He has to remember. If I don’t tell him, he’ll meet up with Abraham eventually or, worse, that wyrm.’ Rajura shuddered at the memory of the lizard-like thing. He would never, never, admit to being afraid, but if he were to be afraid of anything besides Arago, it would be the wyrm.
Anubisu groaned softly and began to writhe around, twisting the blankets in his big hands. His naked chest was revealed when he'd thrown back his blankets in the midst of whatever nightmare gripped him. His normally pallid complexion was deathly white and his forehead was covered in a faint sheen of red as he sweated blood. Long ago, Rajura had been disturbed by the blood that would leak from his brother whenever Anubisu over-exerted himself, but now he didn't think twice about it as he sat in a high backed chair next to Anubisu's bed. Now, he was used to it. Anubisu would have to feed when he woke, but that was no real problem. If he didn’t want to take from Naaza or Rajura, Anubisu would just go to the Ningen Sekai to hunt for blood. It would be then that Anubisu would find out the truth whether Rajura told him or not. Abraham wouldn’t be likely to wait much longer for him.
No. Anubisu was not a vampire. He was dhampire, a half-blood vampire. Rajura knew little about vampire culture, but what little he knew put Anubisu in the high ranks. His grandsire was a powerful master and his mother a well-respected woman. Being dhampire, a rare creature created by the union of a vampire and a human, Anubisu held his own power. True, he had no power in the political structure of the vampires, but his physical powers differed from the vampires. Most notably, he could walk in the sunlight.
Rajura moved closer to Anubisu when he felt the distress begin to leak through Anubisu’s barriers. He sat on the bed and put his hand close to Anubisu’s, but didn’t quite touch him. The damage was already done, many times over, but with a newfound respect for the old legends, Rajura wouldn’t touch his brothers anymore. It was too much of a risk.
More worrisome than Anubisu’s reaction to the revelation, was the idea that had plagued Rajura since the moment he’d felt Sh’ten’s death. What if, because of his selfish desires, Anubisu and Naaza should die, next? Sh’ten’s death had hurt enough. Rajura didn’t know if he could survive two more.
‘I shouldn’t have given into the temptation. I shouldn’t have let Naaza touch me in the first place.’ But the sweet memory of his first night with Naaza was precious. But it was too late for what might have been. Whatever terrible doom befell Naaza and Anubisu, Rajura knew it was his fault. Mordane had always told him to hold himself apart. ‘I should have been stronger. If I wasn’t so weak, I’d have walked away from Naaza that night.’ But Naaza had reached out to him and spoke so softly. ‘He lulled my good-sense to sleep.’
“No mundane mortal may lay hands on a seer.” Mordane had told him. “The gods take offense at such disrespect. The moment you sacrifice your eye for sight of what is to come, you become their instrument. To allow any mere human to lay hands on you is to allow a possession of the gods to be defiled.” To touch a seer would bring great misfortune. When had Rajura stopped believing that? Maybe he didn’t want to believe. Life without touching was unbearable. To look around and see people in love, holding hands or sharing a simple kiss…was it all to be denied to Rajura? After Mordane’s death, Rajura had been alone for so long. Years went by when he had meticulously covered his body to prevent any accidental touch. He’d turned down many hopeful lovers and walked away from even friendships.
ARE YOU DONE WITH THE PITY-FEST? There was something very unpleasant in Naaza’s question, a hurt anger. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ALONE FOR CENTURIES. WHAT AM I? DOG MEAT? Naaza’s large eyes slid open for the first time since Rajura had realized he was awake. The look he fixed on Rajura was not a happy look.
FORGIVE ME. I THOUGHT I WAS SHIELDING BETTER.
IS THAT ALL YOU’RE SORRY FOR?
I WAS JUST REMINISCING. IT’S NOTHING FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT. A simple touch could bring bad luck or even death to the offender. Time had dulled Rajura’s fear of that. After all, he’d touched his brothers all the time and nothing horrible had ever happened to them. Not until Sh’ten had died. YOU WERE WORTH WAITING FOR.
Naaza seemed satisfied with the answer and his eyes closed again looking as if he hadn’t woken at all.
Rajura reinforced his shields while at the same time kept himself in tune with Anubisu and his nightmare. He really must be tired if he was letting so much show through his shields. He went back to staring at Anubisu, still restlessly tossing in the grip of his nightmare, and wondering how he could possibly tell Anubisu that he’d hidden a great many memories.
"Rajura?"
"Yes, my lady?" Rajura didn't turn to face the girl who walked into the chambers, he didn't have to. In all of the Youja-Kai, Kayura was the only girl.
"Please, don't call me that." The door swung open without a sound, but Rajura could hear Kayura's soft footsteps as she made her way to his side and he felt the touch of her robe against his arm. "Is he all right? I thought…I mean…he seemed afraid."
"He’ll be fine. It's only a nightmare." There was no reason to tell Kayura what Anubisu was dreaming. “You don’t have to stay. I’m going to wake him in a moment.”
"Oh." She didn’t yet have enough practice to shield herself properly and Rajura felt her dip into loneliness.
"Did you want something?" Rajura asked after a moment. He tried not to feel as irritated as he felt, but he couldn't help it. His shields were stronger, though, and he knew Kayura wouldn’t be able to tell what he was feeling, one way or the other. “You should get some rest. It’s been a rough few days for us all.” Not that there were truly days or nights in the Youja Kai, but the idea was the same. He didn’t look at Kayura when he spoke, but kept his eye on the sleeping Naaza and Anubisu. It was impossible for Rajura to look at Kayura and not think of Sh'ten and his own guilt. He firmly believed that Kayura was the instrument of fate that had taken Sh’ten’s life, but Rajura was the cause.
Kayura seemed embarrassed and wrung her little hands together. "I’m not all that tired, right now. I just had a feeling, that's all. I wanted to make sure everyone was safe."
Rajura clenched his teeth at her timid voice. She'd changed a good deal since the overthrow of Arago's empire and their defeat at the hands of the Samurai Troopers. No longer the regal, arrogant lady, Kayura had turned into an awkward, bashful child. Without the influence of Arago and Badamon, she'd reverted into what she really was, a girl who was barely a teenager and unsure about how she should behave. Rajura didn't like this change. He didn’t want to feel pity for her. He didn’t want to like her. Most of all, he didn't want to forgive Kayura or himself.
A tentative touch reached out for Rajura's mind and he, shocked that Kayura would be so blatant, pushed her mind away, roughly. "Don't!" He snapped, swinging around to face her.
Kayura stumbled away, as if he’d physically hit her and leaned against the doorway for support. She trembled and looked down, hiding her face with her hair. She really was just a child. A frightened child who cowered away from him. Since when had Rajura sunk so low as to frighten children? "I'm sorry, Rajura-san. I only…”
Rajura said nothing and turned back to look at Anubisu. He'd made it very clear that he didn't like her touching his mind, as he allowed his brothers to do. She just didn't feel right. She was too new and felt too much like Sh'ten. The feel of her mind against his was something like Sh'ten's, though there were enough differences to tell that it wasn't Sh'ten. Her touch left a bad taste in Rajura's mind. No. Not exactly bad. Unfamiliar was closer to the mark.
"What of this feeling you had? Anything specific?" Rajura asked briskly, eager to change the subject. He was all too aware that Kayura felt alienated by her new brothers and the immense guilt she suffered from her memories of Sh’ten’s death. Intellectually, Rajura knew it was his role, as eldest, to take care of and protect Kayura as he had for Naaza, Anubisu, and Sh'ten. She was their sister, now, and even more of a child than Sh’ten had been. She was thirteen. Barely more than a babe and should have been still clinging to her mother’s skirts, if there was justice. Whether he like it or not, Rajura was responsible for her. He worked to soften his gaze and spoke more gently. “Anything you can think of might help.”
"I'm not sure. I was sleeping and I had an awful feeling that someone was in danger. It was like something from far away. But it was getting closer." Kayura was still dressed in her night clothes with one hand securing her robe and the other hand clutching the staff of the ancient. How had he missed the staff before? It was rather an overbearing thing. That was a signal that she was really worried. Normally, Kayura didn't like touching it, but now her knuckles were white as she held it so tightly. She looked so young and frail.
"If you get anymore of these feelings, please tell me." Rajura told her. He was proud that his voice had returned to it's normal level, but well-aware that Kayura was still feeling badly. “Feelings like that are often something to worry about. Considering who we are and where we live, we can’t discount anything.”
“Yes, Rajura-san.”
Rajura felt an urge to say something that would make her feel a little less isolated, but he didn't act on it and when she walked out of the room, he let her go without a word.
‘A bad feeling. I’ve had a bad feeling since Sedari appeared in my dream.’ Rajura really didn’t want to wake his brothers. They looked so peaceful, just laying there. Rajura walked around his bed, never taking his eyes off them. How beautiful they were. Utterly, unspeakably beautiful. Rajura had never ceased to marvel at the beauty of his brothers. Naaza’s emerald hair and Anubisu’s strong, hard face. Anubisu was bigger than Naaza, more muscled. Naaza was thin and lithe, like Sh’ten had been. Poor, vain Sh’ten.
WON’T YOU SHOW HER ANY SYMPATHY?
Rajura turned his attention away from Anubisu and to Naaza, who, again, didn’t so much as opened his eyes. BE SILENT, NAAZA.
NO. I DON'T THINK SO. ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO KAYURA. SHE ISN'T AN OUTSIDER. I’VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU TO DO IT. SHOULD I TAKE YOUR PLACE?
The suggestion that Rajura wasn’t fit to hold his place as eldest and caretaker was insulting, especially coming from Naaza. MY, MY, BUT AREN'T YOU THE SENSIBLE ONE TODAY. Maybe he was just a little bit testy what with the dreams and dealing with what he was going to have to do with Anubisu.
ONE OF US HAS TO BE. Naaza paused. HE'S STILL HAVING THE NIGHTMARE? WHAT'S HE DREAMING ABOUT?
THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Rajura replied, somewhat primly. As eldest, Rajura took it upon himself to monitor the dreams and nightmares of his brothers, but he had never once used this self-granted privilege against his brothers. When awake, the others could block their minds from Rajura, but asleep was a different story. When asleep, especially during nightmares that stressed the mind, Rajura was able to pay a visit into the minds of his brothers. That is to say, he could see and hear what was going on and influence the dream in little ways. GO BACK TO SLEEP, NAAZA.
NO. I DON’T THINK SO. WHY DON’T YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE TO DO AND STOP WORRYING? YOU’RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE. Naaza’s hand left Anubisu’s arm and reached out for Rajura.
“No mundane mortal may lay hands on a seer.” Mordane’s voice echoed at Rajura from the distant past. Her warning clear in that he could never touch another human.
Rajura pulled his hand away from Naaza.
WHAT’S WRONG?
NOTHING.
YOU’RE MAKING ME WORRY. STOP IT.
SOON.
Naaza was clearly not pleased by the answer, but still didn’t bother to open his eyes. SO YOU SAY. Naaza rolled over, away from Anubisu and Rajura. AT LEAST GIVE HIM A PLEASANT DREAM FOR ONCE, WON'T YOU? HE'S HAD SO MANY NIGHTMARES, LATELY.
I'LL GIVE HIM SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE ENJOYABLE IF THIS DOESN'T PASS SOON. BUT NIGHTMARES ARE USEFUL AND DO SERVE A PURPOSE. It was hard to explain, but Rajura knew he was right. The deep mind was even more mysterious than the waking one and it hid so many dark secrets. The deep mind was the deep part of the mind and even Rajura had no power to affect that part of the mind. He could make suggestions, but he couldn't force anything to happen.
Naaza’s mind fell silent and still, even more still than when Naaza slept. Rajura had never been able to figure out how Naaza could do that. Even Rajura had to work to make his mind so still and Naaza did it so effortlessly.
This left him, basically, alone with Anubisu. He made sure a large fire was kept burning, remembering Anubisu's abhorrence of the cold he was doomed to live in, and did his best to keep Anubisu covered, despite the thrashing and twisting. The nightmare, from what Rajura could see of it, wasn't exactly terrifying, but it was disturbing.
Curiously, Rajura focused his mind a little more and peered through the curtain of sleep that clouded the upper layers of Anubisu’s mind.
Anubisu was running. Running towards someone dark and distant, someone that, no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't catch. It was desperately important that he catch it, whoever it was. The dark figure was warm, addictively warm. It was like the scent of lilacs on a warm spring morning. It was a soft, gentle heat that could warm his eternally cold skin. It was dark in Anubisu's dream and he ran through a forest that was dead silent so Rajura knew Anubisu thought he was in the Ningen Sekai. Anubisu ran on, desperate to catch what he longed for.
'Soon.' Rajura silently promised.
In his sleep, Anubisu suddenly went still before his whole body tensed and he arched his back, nearly lifting his whole body off the bed, and let out a terrible roar of frustration.
Still, Rajura didn't move from his seat. He didn't want to wake Anubisu. Anubisu would only be confused when he couldn't remember the nightmare that had gotten him so worked up. Instead, Rajura decided it was time to end the chase for Anubisu.
FIND HIM, KUJURROU. Rajura encouraged, though he knew that in the deep dream state Anubisu was unlikely to actually hear him. DREAMING WON’T HELP, BUT, FOR NOW, CATCH HIM. HE’S CLOSER THAN YOU THINK.
As he spoke to Anubisu's dream-self, Anubisu drew closer to the person he was chasing. The heat growing stronger every moment.
GRAB HIM! DON‘T LET HIM GO!
Anubisu reached out with both hands and did as Rajura told him, and seized the warm figure and pulling it close.
It was then that Rajura withdrew himself from Anubisu's dream, knowing that it would be a pleasant dream until Anubisu woke. They had time enough to wait for Anubisu to finish his dream in peace.
KIND OF YOU.
Rajura scowled at Naaza’s still form. At least, he stared at the back of the Naaza’s head and his messy hair. OH, BE SILENT.
BUT YOU ARE. EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIKE TO ADMIT IT. AFTER YOU TELL ANUBISU WHATEVER IT IS, I THINK YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A TALK.
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT WHY YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED EITHER OF US SINCE SH’TEN’S DEATH.
Rajura sighed and turned away. THERE’S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
A LIE. “’Jura, I know you too well for lies to pass between us. Something IS wrong. You holding yourself apart…I don’t like this. It’s like when I first met you. I know you’re mourning for him, we all are. You won’t even let yourself come close enough for our hands to brush, let alone a simple kiss. Don’t worry, I won’t press you, yet. Take care of Anubisu, first.”
Anubisu-
Rajura looked like Hell. There were dark circles under his eye looked all the wore for that his skin was paler than normal. His hair, his pride, was mussed up and hanging in unkempt strands.
“Back to bed, ‘Jura.” Anubisu yawned and stretched his long legs. “You look like I feel. I haven’t been hunting lately. I think I need some.”
“Then it’s time to learn a few secrets I’ve been hiding.” Rajura stood up when Anubisu reached out for him. Strange. Rajura normally loved to touch and be touched. He’d always been like Sh’ten in that respect. “Anubisu, I’ve hidden some of your memories.”
“What?”
“Your memories. I’ve hidden them. Would you like them back?”
Anubisu started to laugh. “You’ve never been one for practical jokes. What’s brought this on?”
“I’m so glad you find it amusing.” His sad expression said otherwise. “When you next go hunting in the Ningen Sekai, you’ll meet up with your grandsire and your mother. They’re probably waiting for you right now.”
“I don’t have any family other than you and Naaza. You know my father died when I was a child. You know that, why are you lying to me?”
“This time, I’m not lying. Tell me, who took care of you between the time of your father’s death and the night I found you?”
“I…” Anubisu’s mind went blank. Surely, there was someone. But he couldn’t think of anyone. In fact, he couldn’t think of any details except that he’d traveled around a lot and ended up somewhere in Europe. He knew he’d lived with someone, but the name and face escaped him. “’Jura, what have you done to me?”
“Only what you asked.”
Anubisu, now fully awake and growing angrier by the moment, reached out his mind to Rajura, but found only a blank, black wall in front of it. “What are you talking about? Why would you hide my memories?” There had to be a reason, but if it wasn’t a damned good one, Anubisu was about to loose the great deal of faith he had in Rajura. There had to be a reason. Why would Rajura offer to restore the memories now?
“Because you asked me to. Do you want them back?”
“This isn’t funny.”
“I didn’t think it was funny to start with. Do you think I’d have done anything if you hadn’t begged? You sat on your knees and begged me to take the memories away because they hurt you so badly. Because you were so afraid. Do you want them back?”
“Yes.” Anubisu’s hands balled into fists when he realized Rajura wasn’t going to give him any real choice. If he wanted to know what was so painful that he’d beg to forget, he would have to remember. Surely, it would have been kinder to just tell him and then let Anubisu decide.
Rajura closed his eye and Anubisu suddenly remembered.
He saw it all. Like it all happened in that instant that Rajura closed his eyes.
Father’s execution at the hands of the mob.
Mother crying while she carried him through the air.
Abraham, the devilish child.
His first taste of blood while mother smiled approvingly and Abraham whispered words of comfort when Anubisu, Kujurrou, cried afterwards.
The night he left Abraham’s manor to distance himself from the vampires who made their home there and from Abraham who had been getting a little too affectionate for Anubisu’s comfort.
He remembered hunting in the Ningen Sekai and seeing, for the first time, that desolate boy standing on a street corner with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered. The fire in that boy’s blood singing through Anubisu when he tasted him for the first time. Electric blue eyes and dark skin.
Rekka.
Wildfire. The boy was Ryou, the wildfire. Such a deliciously apt name.
The vulnerable, sweet boy… “I made him forget me. I took his memories.” Anubisu buried his face in his hands, but couldn’t control himself. Before he could stop it, a painful moan worked its way passed his lips. The moan grew louder until Anubisu couldn’t help himself and threw back his head to let out a full-throated howl. It had been necessary. Anubisu remembered his reasoning when he’d gone to Ryou and stolen those memories. If Arago had ever suspected that they knew each other, he’d have used that knowledge to ensnare Ryou or kill him and Anubisu couldn’t bear that thought.
“I’m sorry,” Rajura said. “It was for the best. Please, believe me.”
Anubisu nodded. “I know. I wish you’d kept it from me.”
“There were other things to consider. Your grandsire, for one. He and I made a deal for the sake of your happiness. I took your memory to protect you from Arago and the inevitable fact that you would face Ryou in battle. When the war ended, favorably, I was to restore your memory. Your grandsire guarded Ryou for you. We hoped that this would be enough to guarantee your happiness.”
Anubisu started laughing again, but without any joy in the sound. It was a bitter laugh. “It would have worked, too.”
“Oh?”
“I took Ryou’s memory of me. Do you understand? He doesn’t remember me at all. My power isn’t like yours, ‘Jura. I can’t give back memories I’ve taken. They’re gone, completely. He’ll never remember me.”
“What are you going to do?”
Anubisu stood, shakily. “I’m going to the Ningen Sekai.”
Rajura waited until Anubisu was gone and until he sensed that Anubisu had left the Youja Kai before he even looked at Naaza. “I’m sorry.”
A black glare was the only answer Naaza deigned to give.
“Please, you know why I did it. You agreed to it.”
“Go away.” Naaza’s glare didn’t lighten. He turned over and lay down on his belly. “You could have warned me. I can practically taste that human,” He spit the word, bitterly. “Thanks to Anubisu’s newly recovered memory. I could live without it.”
“It’s not that bad. I took some of your memories, too. Do you want them back?”
“Do they all involved Rekka?”
“Yes. I only took a few moments of your life, honestly. Just what you knew about that boy and Anubisu being involved.”
“Then, no. Bad enough that I have to feel it all second-hand from Anubisu, I don’t want to think about humans in any kind of sympathetic light. Now, go away. I have to get this nasty human taste out of my mouth and out of my mind.” Naaza looked at Rajura again and finally relented a little. He gave a short chuckle. “Oh, go on. Go look after him. We both know you’re worried about what’s going to happen when he finds the boy. And what else was Anubisu thinking about? A couple of vampires. Rekka’s not going to know Anubisu if he’s fool enough to try talking to the boy. Who knows how vengeful those Troopers might be? We did cause them a fair bit of trouble in the last few months, didn’t we?”
To be continued…
It was time to let Anubisu remember, whether that was a wise decision or not.
Rajura didn’t wake Anubisu right away, as he thought that maybe he should. After all, it would surely be better to do this and get it over with. Instead, he stood up and looked down at Naaza and Anubisu, both asleep on his bed. It wasn’t an unusual situation to find them all sharing a bed, but Rajura thought that it was unusual how they were in his bed. It didn’t seem like that long ago that he wouldn’t have allowed anyone to share his bed. ‘I became weak.’ Rajura thought, miserably. ‘And Sh’ten died for my weakness.’
Rajura stepped back to get a better look at them. Naaza was huddled under the blankets for warmth, only his dark green hair and one hand were not covered. He was sleeping like the dead, still as a rock. Anubisu wasn’t nearly so peaceful in his slumber. He lay on his back, his arms and legs tangled in both the blankets and in Anubisu’s own kimono. Every few seconds, Anubisu’s face would tighten and his lips would thin. He looked terribly unhappy.
IT’S JUST A DREAM. LET HIM BE. Naaza’s voice whispered in Rajura’s mind, though outwardly Naaza looked sound asleep, still. He was face down on the bed with one arm against Anubisu’s and his face in perfect repose. WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE? YOU WANT ME TO PUT YOU TO SLEEP, AGAIN?
NO. I NEED TO THINK. JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT. ‘Should get this over with. Waiting isn’t helping anything.’ But Rajura moved back until his back was against the wall and he wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling his own dreams had brought to him. He hadn’t even thought of Sedari in a very long time and, for that, he was grateful. That his dreams should be mixed with both Sedari and Anubisu suggested that something would happen between them soon. Wouldn’t it be better to let Anubisu have all his memories at his disposal? Then, when something did happen he would be better prepared. ‘He’ll be angry with me. Blazes! Since when did something like that ever affect my judgment? He has to remember. If I don’t tell him, he’ll meet up with Abraham eventually or, worse, that wyrm.’ Rajura shuddered at the memory of the lizard-like thing. He would never, never, admit to being afraid, but if he were to be afraid of anything besides Arago, it would be the wyrm.
Anubisu groaned softly and began to writhe around, twisting the blankets in his big hands. His naked chest was revealed when he'd thrown back his blankets in the midst of whatever nightmare gripped him. His normally pallid complexion was deathly white and his forehead was covered in a faint sheen of red as he sweated blood. Long ago, Rajura had been disturbed by the blood that would leak from his brother whenever Anubisu over-exerted himself, but now he didn't think twice about it as he sat in a high backed chair next to Anubisu's bed. Now, he was used to it. Anubisu would have to feed when he woke, but that was no real problem. If he didn’t want to take from Naaza or Rajura, Anubisu would just go to the Ningen Sekai to hunt for blood. It would be then that Anubisu would find out the truth whether Rajura told him or not. Abraham wouldn’t be likely to wait much longer for him.
No. Anubisu was not a vampire. He was dhampire, a half-blood vampire. Rajura knew little about vampire culture, but what little he knew put Anubisu in the high ranks. His grandsire was a powerful master and his mother a well-respected woman. Being dhampire, a rare creature created by the union of a vampire and a human, Anubisu held his own power. True, he had no power in the political structure of the vampires, but his physical powers differed from the vampires. Most notably, he could walk in the sunlight.
Rajura moved closer to Anubisu when he felt the distress begin to leak through Anubisu’s barriers. He sat on the bed and put his hand close to Anubisu’s, but didn’t quite touch him. The damage was already done, many times over, but with a newfound respect for the old legends, Rajura wouldn’t touch his brothers anymore. It was too much of a risk.
More worrisome than Anubisu’s reaction to the revelation, was the idea that had plagued Rajura since the moment he’d felt Sh’ten’s death. What if, because of his selfish desires, Anubisu and Naaza should die, next? Sh’ten’s death had hurt enough. Rajura didn’t know if he could survive two more.
‘I shouldn’t have given into the temptation. I shouldn’t have let Naaza touch me in the first place.’ But the sweet memory of his first night with Naaza was precious. But it was too late for what might have been. Whatever terrible doom befell Naaza and Anubisu, Rajura knew it was his fault. Mordane had always told him to hold himself apart. ‘I should have been stronger. If I wasn’t so weak, I’d have walked away from Naaza that night.’ But Naaza had reached out to him and spoke so softly. ‘He lulled my good-sense to sleep.’
“No mundane mortal may lay hands on a seer.” Mordane had told him. “The gods take offense at such disrespect. The moment you sacrifice your eye for sight of what is to come, you become their instrument. To allow any mere human to lay hands on you is to allow a possession of the gods to be defiled.” To touch a seer would bring great misfortune. When had Rajura stopped believing that? Maybe he didn’t want to believe. Life without touching was unbearable. To look around and see people in love, holding hands or sharing a simple kiss…was it all to be denied to Rajura? After Mordane’s death, Rajura had been alone for so long. Years went by when he had meticulously covered his body to prevent any accidental touch. He’d turned down many hopeful lovers and walked away from even friendships.
ARE YOU DONE WITH THE PITY-FEST? There was something very unpleasant in Naaza’s question, a hurt anger. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ALONE FOR CENTURIES. WHAT AM I? DOG MEAT? Naaza’s large eyes slid open for the first time since Rajura had realized he was awake. The look he fixed on Rajura was not a happy look.
FORGIVE ME. I THOUGHT I WAS SHIELDING BETTER.
IS THAT ALL YOU’RE SORRY FOR?
I WAS JUST REMINISCING. IT’S NOTHING FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT. A simple touch could bring bad luck or even death to the offender. Time had dulled Rajura’s fear of that. After all, he’d touched his brothers all the time and nothing horrible had ever happened to them. Not until Sh’ten had died. YOU WERE WORTH WAITING FOR.
Naaza seemed satisfied with the answer and his eyes closed again looking as if he hadn’t woken at all.
Rajura reinforced his shields while at the same time kept himself in tune with Anubisu and his nightmare. He really must be tired if he was letting so much show through his shields. He went back to staring at Anubisu, still restlessly tossing in the grip of his nightmare, and wondering how he could possibly tell Anubisu that he’d hidden a great many memories.
"Rajura?"
"Yes, my lady?" Rajura didn't turn to face the girl who walked into the chambers, he didn't have to. In all of the Youja-Kai, Kayura was the only girl.
"Please, don't call me that." The door swung open without a sound, but Rajura could hear Kayura's soft footsteps as she made her way to his side and he felt the touch of her robe against his arm. "Is he all right? I thought…I mean…he seemed afraid."
"He’ll be fine. It's only a nightmare." There was no reason to tell Kayura what Anubisu was dreaming. “You don’t have to stay. I’m going to wake him in a moment.”
"Oh." She didn’t yet have enough practice to shield herself properly and Rajura felt her dip into loneliness.
"Did you want something?" Rajura asked after a moment. He tried not to feel as irritated as he felt, but he couldn't help it. His shields were stronger, though, and he knew Kayura wouldn’t be able to tell what he was feeling, one way or the other. “You should get some rest. It’s been a rough few days for us all.” Not that there were truly days or nights in the Youja Kai, but the idea was the same. He didn’t look at Kayura when he spoke, but kept his eye on the sleeping Naaza and Anubisu. It was impossible for Rajura to look at Kayura and not think of Sh'ten and his own guilt. He firmly believed that Kayura was the instrument of fate that had taken Sh’ten’s life, but Rajura was the cause.
Kayura seemed embarrassed and wrung her little hands together. "I’m not all that tired, right now. I just had a feeling, that's all. I wanted to make sure everyone was safe."
Rajura clenched his teeth at her timid voice. She'd changed a good deal since the overthrow of Arago's empire and their defeat at the hands of the Samurai Troopers. No longer the regal, arrogant lady, Kayura had turned into an awkward, bashful child. Without the influence of Arago and Badamon, she'd reverted into what she really was, a girl who was barely a teenager and unsure about how she should behave. Rajura didn't like this change. He didn’t want to feel pity for her. He didn’t want to like her. Most of all, he didn't want to forgive Kayura or himself.
A tentative touch reached out for Rajura's mind and he, shocked that Kayura would be so blatant, pushed her mind away, roughly. "Don't!" He snapped, swinging around to face her.
Kayura stumbled away, as if he’d physically hit her and leaned against the doorway for support. She trembled and looked down, hiding her face with her hair. She really was just a child. A frightened child who cowered away from him. Since when had Rajura sunk so low as to frighten children? "I'm sorry, Rajura-san. I only…”
Rajura said nothing and turned back to look at Anubisu. He'd made it very clear that he didn't like her touching his mind, as he allowed his brothers to do. She just didn't feel right. She was too new and felt too much like Sh'ten. The feel of her mind against his was something like Sh'ten's, though there were enough differences to tell that it wasn't Sh'ten. Her touch left a bad taste in Rajura's mind. No. Not exactly bad. Unfamiliar was closer to the mark.
"What of this feeling you had? Anything specific?" Rajura asked briskly, eager to change the subject. He was all too aware that Kayura felt alienated by her new brothers and the immense guilt she suffered from her memories of Sh’ten’s death. Intellectually, Rajura knew it was his role, as eldest, to take care of and protect Kayura as he had for Naaza, Anubisu, and Sh'ten. She was their sister, now, and even more of a child than Sh’ten had been. She was thirteen. Barely more than a babe and should have been still clinging to her mother’s skirts, if there was justice. Whether he like it or not, Rajura was responsible for her. He worked to soften his gaze and spoke more gently. “Anything you can think of might help.”
"I'm not sure. I was sleeping and I had an awful feeling that someone was in danger. It was like something from far away. But it was getting closer." Kayura was still dressed in her night clothes with one hand securing her robe and the other hand clutching the staff of the ancient. How had he missed the staff before? It was rather an overbearing thing. That was a signal that she was really worried. Normally, Kayura didn't like touching it, but now her knuckles were white as she held it so tightly. She looked so young and frail.
"If you get anymore of these feelings, please tell me." Rajura told her. He was proud that his voice had returned to it's normal level, but well-aware that Kayura was still feeling badly. “Feelings like that are often something to worry about. Considering who we are and where we live, we can’t discount anything.”
“Yes, Rajura-san.”
Rajura felt an urge to say something that would make her feel a little less isolated, but he didn't act on it and when she walked out of the room, he let her go without a word.
‘A bad feeling. I’ve had a bad feeling since Sedari appeared in my dream.’ Rajura really didn’t want to wake his brothers. They looked so peaceful, just laying there. Rajura walked around his bed, never taking his eyes off them. How beautiful they were. Utterly, unspeakably beautiful. Rajura had never ceased to marvel at the beauty of his brothers. Naaza’s emerald hair and Anubisu’s strong, hard face. Anubisu was bigger than Naaza, more muscled. Naaza was thin and lithe, like Sh’ten had been. Poor, vain Sh’ten.
WON’T YOU SHOW HER ANY SYMPATHY?
Rajura turned his attention away from Anubisu and to Naaza, who, again, didn’t so much as opened his eyes. BE SILENT, NAAZA.
NO. I DON'T THINK SO. ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO KAYURA. SHE ISN'T AN OUTSIDER. I’VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU TO DO IT. SHOULD I TAKE YOUR PLACE?
The suggestion that Rajura wasn’t fit to hold his place as eldest and caretaker was insulting, especially coming from Naaza. MY, MY, BUT AREN'T YOU THE SENSIBLE ONE TODAY. Maybe he was just a little bit testy what with the dreams and dealing with what he was going to have to do with Anubisu.
ONE OF US HAS TO BE. Naaza paused. HE'S STILL HAVING THE NIGHTMARE? WHAT'S HE DREAMING ABOUT?
THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Rajura replied, somewhat primly. As eldest, Rajura took it upon himself to monitor the dreams and nightmares of his brothers, but he had never once used this self-granted privilege against his brothers. When awake, the others could block their minds from Rajura, but asleep was a different story. When asleep, especially during nightmares that stressed the mind, Rajura was able to pay a visit into the minds of his brothers. That is to say, he could see and hear what was going on and influence the dream in little ways. GO BACK TO SLEEP, NAAZA.
NO. I DON’T THINK SO. WHY DON’T YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE TO DO AND STOP WORRYING? YOU’RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE. Naaza’s hand left Anubisu’s arm and reached out for Rajura.
“No mundane mortal may lay hands on a seer.” Mordane’s voice echoed at Rajura from the distant past. Her warning clear in that he could never touch another human.
Rajura pulled his hand away from Naaza.
WHAT’S WRONG?
NOTHING.
YOU’RE MAKING ME WORRY. STOP IT.
SOON.
Naaza was clearly not pleased by the answer, but still didn’t bother to open his eyes. SO YOU SAY. Naaza rolled over, away from Anubisu and Rajura. AT LEAST GIVE HIM A PLEASANT DREAM FOR ONCE, WON'T YOU? HE'S HAD SO MANY NIGHTMARES, LATELY.
I'LL GIVE HIM SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE ENJOYABLE IF THIS DOESN'T PASS SOON. BUT NIGHTMARES ARE USEFUL AND DO SERVE A PURPOSE. It was hard to explain, but Rajura knew he was right. The deep mind was even more mysterious than the waking one and it hid so many dark secrets. The deep mind was the deep part of the mind and even Rajura had no power to affect that part of the mind. He could make suggestions, but he couldn't force anything to happen.
Naaza’s mind fell silent and still, even more still than when Naaza slept. Rajura had never been able to figure out how Naaza could do that. Even Rajura had to work to make his mind so still and Naaza did it so effortlessly.
This left him, basically, alone with Anubisu. He made sure a large fire was kept burning, remembering Anubisu's abhorrence of the cold he was doomed to live in, and did his best to keep Anubisu covered, despite the thrashing and twisting. The nightmare, from what Rajura could see of it, wasn't exactly terrifying, but it was disturbing.
Curiously, Rajura focused his mind a little more and peered through the curtain of sleep that clouded the upper layers of Anubisu’s mind.
Anubisu was running. Running towards someone dark and distant, someone that, no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't catch. It was desperately important that he catch it, whoever it was. The dark figure was warm, addictively warm. It was like the scent of lilacs on a warm spring morning. It was a soft, gentle heat that could warm his eternally cold skin. It was dark in Anubisu's dream and he ran through a forest that was dead silent so Rajura knew Anubisu thought he was in the Ningen Sekai. Anubisu ran on, desperate to catch what he longed for.
'Soon.' Rajura silently promised.
In his sleep, Anubisu suddenly went still before his whole body tensed and he arched his back, nearly lifting his whole body off the bed, and let out a terrible roar of frustration.
Still, Rajura didn't move from his seat. He didn't want to wake Anubisu. Anubisu would only be confused when he couldn't remember the nightmare that had gotten him so worked up. Instead, Rajura decided it was time to end the chase for Anubisu.
FIND HIM, KUJURROU. Rajura encouraged, though he knew that in the deep dream state Anubisu was unlikely to actually hear him. DREAMING WON’T HELP, BUT, FOR NOW, CATCH HIM. HE’S CLOSER THAN YOU THINK.
As he spoke to Anubisu's dream-self, Anubisu drew closer to the person he was chasing. The heat growing stronger every moment.
GRAB HIM! DON‘T LET HIM GO!
Anubisu reached out with both hands and did as Rajura told him, and seized the warm figure and pulling it close.
It was then that Rajura withdrew himself from Anubisu's dream, knowing that it would be a pleasant dream until Anubisu woke. They had time enough to wait for Anubisu to finish his dream in peace.
KIND OF YOU.
Rajura scowled at Naaza’s still form. At least, he stared at the back of the Naaza’s head and his messy hair. OH, BE SILENT.
BUT YOU ARE. EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIKE TO ADMIT IT. AFTER YOU TELL ANUBISU WHATEVER IT IS, I THINK YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A TALK.
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT WHY YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED EITHER OF US SINCE SH’TEN’S DEATH.
Rajura sighed and turned away. THERE’S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
A LIE. “’Jura, I know you too well for lies to pass between us. Something IS wrong. You holding yourself apart…I don’t like this. It’s like when I first met you. I know you’re mourning for him, we all are. You won’t even let yourself come close enough for our hands to brush, let alone a simple kiss. Don’t worry, I won’t press you, yet. Take care of Anubisu, first.”
Anubisu-
Rajura looked like Hell. There were dark circles under his eye looked all the wore for that his skin was paler than normal. His hair, his pride, was mussed up and hanging in unkempt strands.
“Back to bed, ‘Jura.” Anubisu yawned and stretched his long legs. “You look like I feel. I haven’t been hunting lately. I think I need some.”
“Then it’s time to learn a few secrets I’ve been hiding.” Rajura stood up when Anubisu reached out for him. Strange. Rajura normally loved to touch and be touched. He’d always been like Sh’ten in that respect. “Anubisu, I’ve hidden some of your memories.”
“What?”
“Your memories. I’ve hidden them. Would you like them back?”
Anubisu started to laugh. “You’ve never been one for practical jokes. What’s brought this on?”
“I’m so glad you find it amusing.” His sad expression said otherwise. “When you next go hunting in the Ningen Sekai, you’ll meet up with your grandsire and your mother. They’re probably waiting for you right now.”
“I don’t have any family other than you and Naaza. You know my father died when I was a child. You know that, why are you lying to me?”
“This time, I’m not lying. Tell me, who took care of you between the time of your father’s death and the night I found you?”
“I…” Anubisu’s mind went blank. Surely, there was someone. But he couldn’t think of anyone. In fact, he couldn’t think of any details except that he’d traveled around a lot and ended up somewhere in Europe. He knew he’d lived with someone, but the name and face escaped him. “’Jura, what have you done to me?”
“Only what you asked.”
Anubisu, now fully awake and growing angrier by the moment, reached out his mind to Rajura, but found only a blank, black wall in front of it. “What are you talking about? Why would you hide my memories?” There had to be a reason, but if it wasn’t a damned good one, Anubisu was about to loose the great deal of faith he had in Rajura. There had to be a reason. Why would Rajura offer to restore the memories now?
“Because you asked me to. Do you want them back?”
“This isn’t funny.”
“I didn’t think it was funny to start with. Do you think I’d have done anything if you hadn’t begged? You sat on your knees and begged me to take the memories away because they hurt you so badly. Because you were so afraid. Do you want them back?”
“Yes.” Anubisu’s hands balled into fists when he realized Rajura wasn’t going to give him any real choice. If he wanted to know what was so painful that he’d beg to forget, he would have to remember. Surely, it would have been kinder to just tell him and then let Anubisu decide.
Rajura closed his eye and Anubisu suddenly remembered.
He saw it all. Like it all happened in that instant that Rajura closed his eyes.
Father’s execution at the hands of the mob.
Mother crying while she carried him through the air.
Abraham, the devilish child.
His first taste of blood while mother smiled approvingly and Abraham whispered words of comfort when Anubisu, Kujurrou, cried afterwards.
The night he left Abraham’s manor to distance himself from the vampires who made their home there and from Abraham who had been getting a little too affectionate for Anubisu’s comfort.
He remembered hunting in the Ningen Sekai and seeing, for the first time, that desolate boy standing on a street corner with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered. The fire in that boy’s blood singing through Anubisu when he tasted him for the first time. Electric blue eyes and dark skin.
Rekka.
Wildfire. The boy was Ryou, the wildfire. Such a deliciously apt name.
The vulnerable, sweet boy… “I made him forget me. I took his memories.” Anubisu buried his face in his hands, but couldn’t control himself. Before he could stop it, a painful moan worked its way passed his lips. The moan grew louder until Anubisu couldn’t help himself and threw back his head to let out a full-throated howl. It had been necessary. Anubisu remembered his reasoning when he’d gone to Ryou and stolen those memories. If Arago had ever suspected that they knew each other, he’d have used that knowledge to ensnare Ryou or kill him and Anubisu couldn’t bear that thought.
“I’m sorry,” Rajura said. “It was for the best. Please, believe me.”
Anubisu nodded. “I know. I wish you’d kept it from me.”
“There were other things to consider. Your grandsire, for one. He and I made a deal for the sake of your happiness. I took your memory to protect you from Arago and the inevitable fact that you would face Ryou in battle. When the war ended, favorably, I was to restore your memory. Your grandsire guarded Ryou for you. We hoped that this would be enough to guarantee your happiness.”
Anubisu started laughing again, but without any joy in the sound. It was a bitter laugh. “It would have worked, too.”
“Oh?”
“I took Ryou’s memory of me. Do you understand? He doesn’t remember me at all. My power isn’t like yours, ‘Jura. I can’t give back memories I’ve taken. They’re gone, completely. He’ll never remember me.”
“What are you going to do?”
Anubisu stood, shakily. “I’m going to the Ningen Sekai.”
Rajura waited until Anubisu was gone and until he sensed that Anubisu had left the Youja Kai before he even looked at Naaza. “I’m sorry.”
A black glare was the only answer Naaza deigned to give.
“Please, you know why I did it. You agreed to it.”
“Go away.” Naaza’s glare didn’t lighten. He turned over and lay down on his belly. “You could have warned me. I can practically taste that human,” He spit the word, bitterly. “Thanks to Anubisu’s newly recovered memory. I could live without it.”
“It’s not that bad. I took some of your memories, too. Do you want them back?”
“Do they all involved Rekka?”
“Yes. I only took a few moments of your life, honestly. Just what you knew about that boy and Anubisu being involved.”
“Then, no. Bad enough that I have to feel it all second-hand from Anubisu, I don’t want to think about humans in any kind of sympathetic light. Now, go away. I have to get this nasty human taste out of my mouth and out of my mind.” Naaza looked at Rajura again and finally relented a little. He gave a short chuckle. “Oh, go on. Go look after him. We both know you’re worried about what’s going to happen when he finds the boy. And what else was Anubisu thinking about? A couple of vampires. Rekka’s not going to know Anubisu if he’s fool enough to try talking to the boy. Who knows how vengeful those Troopers might be? We did cause them a fair bit of trouble in the last few months, didn’t we?”
To be continued…