Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ A Walk in the Sunlight ❯ A Life Changing Decision ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer - Sadly, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. It is the sole property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and the many companies who have purchased the rights.

Chapter 18 - A Life Changing Decision

The next morning, Kaoru found herself unexpectedly ripped from the blessed oblivion she'd eagerly sought the night before by the teeth-jarring crash of hard plastic hitting unforgiving metal. Startled nearly out of her skin by the sound, she couldn't stop the strangled yelp that exploded from her throat as she snapped her eyes open to find out the cause. Blinking several times in an attempt to clear the sleep haze still holding on tenaciously to her mind, she was finally rewarded as the sheepishly smiling face of one of the nurses that had been tending her, Ayako-san if she wasn't mistaken, slowly came into view.

"Forgive me, Kamiya-san I didn't mean to wake you. I thought you were only resting and not truly asleep."

Kaoru smiled faintly as she scrubbed the sand from her eyes and mumbled a barely audible “It's okay”, slowly pushing herself into a sitting position. Casting a blurry-eyed glance at the small clock her mother had left on her bedside table, she hissed under her breath; all sleepiness vanishing in an instant. Ten after eleven! How could she have slept away the entire morning?!

Ayako-san must have seen the question written on her face because the dark haired nurse smiled gently as she lifted the covers from what Kaoru could now see was lunch, not breakfast like she assumed, and answered her unspoken question. "Last night Genzai-sensei requested that we allow you to sleep as late as you wished this morning. He believed you would need it after your visitor."

For a moment Kaoru simply eyed her, confused, and then she suddenly remembered what had transpired the night before. An icy chill flashed through her body as what she had to do rushed to the forefront of her mind again. "Oh..." Was all she could think to say as she sagged slightly and pulled the small rolling table over her lap. Shaking her head she smiled wryly, "I'm surprised my father didn't demand to see me anyway. He's never been one to let someone else tell him what to do, not even Dr. Genzai."

Ayako-san's smile faded under a more thoughtful look. "I don't believe your parents have come at all this morning."

Kaoru straightened in surprise, but before she could say anything Ayako-san set aside the last lid and dropped a small bow. "Genzai-sensei will be in soon to see you now that you are awake." And with that she disappeared out the door, leaving it partially ajar as Kaoru had requested her first day to fend off the stifling closeness during the daylight hours.

Shifting her attention to the meal before her, she frowned as she pulled the cellophane from the bowl of orange slices. They hadn't come? What would have kept them from coming? They always came... always. Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the loud grumbling of her achingly empty stomach and she set the questions aside in favor of the delicious meal before her. She would know soon enough anyway when Dr. Genzai came.

Nodding to herself, she retrieved the already split chopsticks with her left hand and dug in before her stomach succeeded in clawing its way out. Awkwardly popping a teriyaki basted piece of chicken into her mouth she nearly purred, this was almost as good as the chicken Kenshin had fixed her. At the thought of him, her stomach instantly knotted itself into a tight ball, stealing her appetite and she had to force the lone piece of chicken down her throat. Dropping the chopsticks, she pushed the tray away before she lost the tiny bit she'd managed to swallow.

Kenshin... she had promised...

With a tired sigh, she did her best to ignore the crushing weight trying to drive her into the mattress and pulled her legs up enough to rest her arms over her knees. What he offered was... her dream come true. You would think after all the years she had coveted the sun she would jump at this chance. Scoffing softly she shook her head, but there was so much more to it than just sun, wasn't there? In order to claim the treasure Kenshin was willing to give, she would have to turn her back on all she'd been taught. Her entire life had been shaped with the knowledge that God, in his infinite kindness might give her that which she had been denied. And yet, deep down, she hadn't truly believed that had she? Maybe as a child she had when the only comfort she could get was from those words. But now... now she didn't have that blind faith. It had been shaken so many times by the many cruelties she had witnessed that now it was only a faint hope that maybe, just maybe she would be worthy of a second chance.

Sagging at the thought, she wearily rubbed her forehead. And then there was the biggest question, the one she had kept buried deep in her heart where none save herself could see it. And the sole question that made all the hopes she'd harbored over the years into nothing but empty shells.

What if there was no God?

She smiled weakly, and now she sounded like a heretic. But what was one like she to believe? How could a God that was supposed to be so wise and kind steal from her the one thing all humans needed. They needed the sun to thrive and yet, for some reason she had been denied that. Why?!

Dropping her head into her palms, she bit back a heavy sigh and shoved the unanswerable question from her mind. In the end it no longer mattered did it? Because even if she did believe without a doubt there was a God, she would still be faced with the possibility of never having the sun.

Unless she took what Kenshin was willing to give.

Snorting softly, she shook her head. Funny thing is, it wasn't even her faith that was making her hesitate. Not really. That was just a convenient excuse. She had almost been ready to take the chance last night until Kenshin had divulged that one last truth. Could she do it? Could she stand to live... forever... with no chance of death? What would happen if Kenshin tired of having her underfoot all the time? Would he really want her with him... forever? Did he even realize what he was doing by asking her to take this chance?

A sardonic chuckle spilled from her lips against her will. More questions she couldn't answer. But he could, all she needed to do was ask. Any yet, even if he answered 'yes' now, who was to say that would still hold true in hundred or even a thousand years. Not even he could know what his heart would feel that far into the future. She started to tremble at the thought, a choking fear gripping tight to her bruised heart. And who was to say she herself would still love him as much as she did now?

Clenching her teeth, she tensed her muscles and valiantly tried to quiet the tremors shaking her body. It scared her, the thought of eternity. More than anything had ever scared her before, even her impending death. Forever was a long time, with or without him. And she knew that without him it would be even worse.

Her chest constricted painfully at the thought, the sudden surge of fear ripping through her veins nearly stealing her breath away. By shear force of will she managed to get herself back under control and took several slow even breaths in an effort to calm herself down. God, she wished Sampson was here. If anyone could help her through this it would be him. He had always been her rock, her steadfast companion. Even if he couldn't say what he thought he still managed to convey his feelings on whatever problem she confided in him. And right now she needed him, so much so that it hurt. A thin trail of silent tears slipped free for the first time since the day Kenshin had told her what happened and she sighed heavily. She missed him so much.

The light grating of her door sliding back all the way startled her out of her misery and Kaoru quickly palmed the tears away as she glanced up to see who had come. A faint smile touched her lips as she watched Dr. Genzai step in and slide the door closed behind him.

"Good morning, Kaoru-san."

Giving him a crooked smile, she surreptitiously wiped the last of the moisture from her cheeks before he could see and pulled her legs up to sit cross-legged, "More like good afternoon... Y'know, you didn't need to chase everyone away. I'm sure Dad didn't like that very much."

Dr. Genzai smiled as he closed the distance to her bedside and set her chart on the small rolling table beside her untouched meal. "Your parents didn't come this morning..." Tucking the ear pieces of the stethoscope he'd brought with him into his ears he placed the diaphragm against her chest over her heart. "... They've gone to prepare for your return home."

Startled, Kaoru inhaled sharply and without thinking shouted, "What?!"

Dr. Genzai winced and yanked the diaphragm away from her chest. "Kaoru-san please!"

Undeterred by his discomfort, Kaoru pressed on, "What do you mean, my return home. I'm not going home yet!"

Dr. Genzai lifted a hand in peace as he set the stethoscope aside. "Home here, not Sapporo. They have gone to the house to make sure all is ready for you to go home tonight. You have healed to the point where you can now leave the hospital."

"Oh..." Kaoru mumbled with a sheepish smile. "... Sorry." Slanting him a sideways glance, she grouched, "Next time be a little bit more clear and you might save your ear drums."

Dr. Genzai smirked and glanced up from the chart in his hand. "I'll try to remember that." Scratching down one last observation he set the chart aside once more and fixed her with a look that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. "I take it you spoke with Himura-san last night."

Suddenly ill at ease, Kaoru swallowed tightly and gave him a small nod. A thick silence fell between them and Kaoru felt her hard earned calm start to slip as the moments stretched into minutes. Finally she broke the nerve wracking silence and whispered, "You know." It was more a statement than a question and they both knew it.

Dr. Genzai exhaled softly and sat down in the chair between the bed and the heavily curtained windows. "Yes. I do."

Kaoru gave him a hollow smile, "And you approve, don't you?"

Her adopted grandfather simply stared at her and then he inclined his head. "Yes. If this will give you the chance to live and enjoy the sun, I wholeheartedly approve. You deserve this."

Kaoru scoffed softly under her breath and shook her head, "And did you know that if I let him do what he wants to do I will live forever, with absolutely no hope of death? Unlike normal vampires, Kenshin can no longer end his cursed life and if I choose to be the same, I won't be able to either."

The startled look that flew across her adopted grandfather's face spoke the truth of his ignorance and she smiled sadly. "Kenshin didn't tell you that part, did he? It's funny really. I can either die now or I can choose to never die. What a choice, huh?"

Dr. Genzai simply stared at her in stunned silence and she rubbed at the headache threatening between her eyes; absently noting that she was shaking again. With a sigh she dropped her hand back into her lap. "Do you still approve now that you know that to do this would be to condemn me to an everlasting life?"

The silence stretched for several moments more before Dr. Genzai finally asked. "You're sure that there is no way to end that life?"

Kaoru gave him a lopsided grin, "Yes, Kenshin told me himself that he has yet to find a way to end the life he is now trapped in."

Dr. Genzai exhaled silently and shook his head. "No, I didn't know that..."

Another stifling silence fell between them and Kaoru watched him age before her very eyes as he settled heavily into the chair. Dropping her eyes to her lap to avoid the sight she prodded her numbs fingers hoping for some sign of life. And that was another reason why she hesitated, she would be a cripple her entire never ending life. What was she suppose to do with herself without the use of her hand? She couldn't train, not anymore. What was she suppose to do to while away all those never ending years?

Snorting softly, she shook her head. She really was a mess, wasn't she? Maybe she should give up, just hope and pray for the second chance she had been working for her entire life. At least if she did that then maybe she would be born whole.

Dr. Genzai cleared his throat lightly and she glanced up. Her eyes widened when she met his fierce black gaze; the determined set of his jaw erasing the aging she had witnessed earlier.

"Don't give up this chance, Kaoru-san. Not for something like that."

Taken aback by the hard edge in his voice, all she could do was stare at him in shocked silence.

"Once you have been changed there is no telling what science or medicine might come up with in the future. I don't know much about vampires, but they must have some type of medical person that can research this."

Kaoru smiled indulgently. "What would vampires need a doctor for?"

Dr. Genzai simply stared at her for a moment and then he finally sighed. "I don't know, but don't make a decision based on that fear. Not when you have the world at your fingertips. Think carefully before you refuse this gift."

Kaoru just barely kept herself from laughing out loud. Gift? That was pushing it a little. No matter how you looked at it, in the end what Kenshin wanted to do was nothing more than a curse. Now all she needed to do was figure out if condemning herself to an eternal life was worth it just to have the sun.

Rising from the chair, Dr. Genzai exhaled softly. "I have to go finish the paperwork for your release tonight. I suggest you think long and hard before you decide either way. Speak with Himura-san again if it will help. Alright?"

Kaoru gave him the best smile she could dig up and nodded. "I will. So what time will I be leaving?"

"Be ready to leave by nine-thirty."

Kaoru grinned as a surge of anticipation flowed through her body. "I will be..." She said as he collected her chart and the stethoscope before heading for the door. "... To be honest I can't wait to get home."

Dr. Genzai gave her an understanding smile as he slid the door open. "Your parents should be back sometime this afternoon so be ready. Himura-san hasn't told them anything except he needed to speak to you, so be prepared for some questioning." A rueful smile flashed across her adopted grandfather's face. "Your father wasn't pleased."

Kaoru smirked and rolled her eyes. "I can just imagine. Thanks for the warning."

Dr. Genzai simply nodded and left, leaving the door partially open again. Shifting her attention to the heavily shaded windows, she sighed as she eyed the faint glow outlining the thick black curtains. "Can I do it, Sampson? Will it be worth it just to feel those warms rays on my skin without pain?"

When no answering bark came she snorted softly and frowned at the tears burning her eyes. If she kept that up they'd never let her out, they'd stick in her a mental hospital instead. Inhaling deeply in an effort to get herself back together, she glanced to the clock on the bedside table and saw out of the corner of her eye the piece of paper Kenshin had left the night before. Leaning over, she lifted it and traced the clean strokes naming the hotel and the phone number she could reach him at with her thumb. She should probably call him and let him know that she was going home. Especially considering the only reason he was there, was because he was waiting for her to come to a decision.

A ghost of a smile touched her lips and she set the piece of paper on the bed in front of her then leaned over again to grab the phone. Ignoring the slight tremor in her hand, she set to work tapping in the number with her thumb. She was about halfway through entering the number when she suddenly realized that there was something else she'd never asked Kenshin. And now that she was going home, she desperately wanted, no needed, to know. Where he'd laid Sampson to rest.

Kaoru paused in her typing as her eyes dropped closed, the dull ache starting to pulse in her chest overcoming all else. She'd finally be able to say goodbye. Smiling sadly at the thought, she steeled herself against the heaviness settling around her heart and finished entering the numbers. Almost as soon as she lifted the phone to her ear, the other end was picked up and she gave the desk attendant the room number when he asked, then waited patiently for it to be connected. Two more rings later the phone was answered again; the smooth tenor of the man she loved filling the ear piece.

"Hello?"

Kaoru smiled. "Kenshin?"

Kenshin sighed softly as he hung up the phone and dropped it back into its cradle. He knew it was too much to ask for an answer this soon but still, he had hoped. The waiting so far had just about turned him inside out, much more and he just might lose it. Biting back another sigh, he sagged tiredly onto the bed and rested his head in his hands. This was worse than all the years he'd waited for Tomoe to finally decide to let him do the change. And that had just about driven him insane.

Snorting softly, he tried to shake off the heaviness settling into his chest. Of course it was worse. This time he might lose the one he loved before he even had a chance to truly call her his. And that's what made him so edgy. He'd had ten glorious years with Tomoe. He'd only had two and a half measly weeks with Kaoru. It wasn't enough, not at all.

Frowning at the directions his thoughts were wandering, he wearily rubbed his forehead. At least she had called to tell him. That was something.

"So, did jou-chan give you an answer?" Sano asked from where he was reclining in the lone chair at the small table across the room; his feet kicked up onto the smooth surface, the chair tilting back precariously on two legs.

Roused from his thoughts, Kenshin glanced up and absently wondered how the black-haired vampire managed to keep from tipping over completely. Inwardly shrugging at the random thought, he shook his head and worked his way completely onto the bed to recline against the wall. "No, she only wanted to let me know that she's going home tonight."

The chair's front legs thumped back to the floor and Sano quirked an eyebrow. "Home? But, isn't that Hokkaido?"

Kenshin smirked, "Yes. But she also has a home here. That's where she's going tonight."

For a moment Sano peered at him confused and then understanding finally dawned in his best friend's eyes; his confusion quickly replaced by a sheepish grin. "Right, the house beside yours. So that means we're heading back there."

Kenshin rolled his eyes at his friend's conjectural skills and smiled. "Yes. I'm leaving this afternoon to make sure everything is all right at home. I want you and Megumi to follow as soon as the sun goes down. There's still a chance she'll say yes, so I want you two close in case I need you."

Sano smirked. "No problem. I think the fox might kill you if you left her behind anyway, she's taken a liking to jou-chan." Pushing out of the chair, the tall vampire spit out what was left of the stir stick he'd snagged off a passing room service cart into the small garbage can. "We'll be there. But just to warn you, we might be a little late..."

Kenshin quirked an eyebrow and Sano's smirk deepened to the point of being almost predatory then he added, "It's been a long time since either one of us has hunted and we're both feeling the... urge."

"Ah..." Kenshin breathed, immediately understanding. "Fine, just do it here and not there. I don't want to have to explain that if Kaoru does decide to join me."

Sano scoffed loudly and headed for the door. "We're not a couple of freshly made vampires. We know how to dispose of our victims." The tall black-haired vampire cast a glare over his shoulder as his hand wrapped the door handle and added, "I won't tell Meg what you said, she'd skin you alive."

Kenshin smirked but said nothing more as Sano swung the door open and vanished. He knew they would leave no trace, but right now he couldn't take the chance. Not with so much at stake. He wasn't sure how well Kaoru would take hearing about something like that right now.

A dull thud sounded into the sudden quiet as the door thumped closed and Kenshin glanced to the clock with a sigh. A quarter after twelve. If he left by two he should be back home in plenty of time to make sure nothing had happened since he'd left... and to make sure that nothing had disturbed Sampson's final resting place. Resisting the urge to sigh again he smiled sadly. That was the other reason she had called. To find out where he had placed Sampson. Wearily passing a hand across his face, he sagged even further against the wall. He'd known this day would come but that hadn't stopped him from wishing there was some way he could keep her from having to face this. But there was none, all he could do was be there if she needed him. And he would be, no matter what.

Kaoru yawned and leaned her head against the small Toyota's window to watch the lights of the houses pass by. Another half an hour or so and she would finally be home. A tiny smile curled the edge of her lips as the miles continued to vanish beneath their tires. It had seemed to take forever for the sun to finally drop over the horizon tonight. Of course it hadn't helped that she'd waited on pins and needles all afternoon and evening for her father to show up and demand what it was Kenshin had wanted to talk to her about. But all her waiting and worrying had been for naught because, much to her surprise, her parents hadn't come until it was time for them to take her home. And even then neither her mother nor her father had asked, although she could see the questions in their eyes. Casting a glance to the pair in the front seat of the car, she frowned. Her mother she could understand keeping her silence, but her father? That just seemed odd.

Sighing soundlessly, she dropped her eyes closed and settled back into the seat, the sway of the car soothing her tired mind. Most likely the reason her father didn't ask was because her mother had forced some kind of agreement out of him. Smirking into the dark, she cracked her eyes open enough to gaze at her father's silhouette, that had to be it. And to be honest she appreciated their silence because right now she didn't know what to tell them anyway.

Snorting softly she dropped her eyes closed again and sagged even more into the stiff seat. Thing was, she still had absolutely no idea how she was going to answer Kenshin either. At the mere thought her stomach tightened and she shifted around in an effort to get comfortable again. Twelve hours and she still had no idea if she could do it. If she could choose the life Kenshin had offered her. She'd gone from accepting to declining in her head so many times over the last twelve hours that she'd managed to give herself a non-stop headache that no medicine would touch.

Exhaling heavily, she rubbed at the dull throb continuing to pulse with her heartbeat between her eyes. Why couldn't she do this? Why couldn't she make this one decision? It seemed so easy. Most people wouldn't even think twice if this was laid at their feet. They would take it just to have the life most were afraid to give up. But then again, she wasn't most people, was she? She'd faced her mortality for so long that it was hard to think past that point. Not to mention thinking past that point now led, for her, to an indefinite lifetime which scared the hell out of her. A sudden, unexpected future, where none had existed before, was all but being thrown at her. Who in their right mind would choose that? Not even Kenshin had really chosen that. He'd been forced into it.

"Kaoru, we're home"

Startled, Kaoru snapped her eyes open at her mother's announcement and glanced out the window. A tiny smile touched her lips when she saw the moonlight-dulled white house she'd been calling home, the sight calming her overtaxed mind somewhat. And then slowly her smile fell away as another thought pushed all else out of her mind. She may be home, but home wasn't the same anymore, not without her best friend to greet her at the door. Her throat closed up tight at the thought and she tried in vain to stem the tears instantly burning her eyes as she slowly opened the door and stepped from the car.

And that's as far as she got. The absolute silence of the still night hit her like a fist and she subconsciously waited for the welcoming bark she knew would never come. For several extremely long moments she simply stared at the shadowed house and tried with all her might to dig up the courage to face this... to no avail. The tears she'd managed to hold back started to trickle from her eyes and it took everything she had to remain standing. She couldn't do this yet. She couldn't walk into this house yet knowing he wasn't going to be there.

As if sensing her internal battle, her mother laid a comforting hand on her arm. "He's out back if you want to go see him. Himura-san took very good care of him."

Unable to say anything around the knot in her throat, Kaoru simply nodded and halfheartedly wiped at the tears now flowing freely. Giving up, she instead wrapped her arms around herself tight in an effort to quiet the ache threatening to rip her chest apart and slowly padded into the space between her and Kenshin's house's. Silently treading the moonlit path, she hugged herself even tighter as the lone sakura tree in her backyard came into sight; it's proud arms spreading wide, protecting it's precious charge. Dropping her eyes to the shaded ground beneath, she tried to smile and failed miserably. Up until this very moment she hadn't fully accepted what Kenshin had told her, but now... now she had no choice. Because he was there just as both her parents and Kenshin had said he would be. She could just make out the mound rising from the ground off to the side of the trunk.

A fresh bout of tears slid unnoticed from her eyes and she continued on, hesitantly closing the distance before her courage gave out on her. She flinched when the soft glow of the back porch light suddenly illuminated the backyard; bringing the mound into sharp relief. Swallowing thickly, she tried to ignore the crushing weight stealing her breath away and resolutely continued to place one foot in front of the other until she finally came to the mound. The last of her energy gave way then and she collapsed to her knees with a tired sigh, her eyes already burning with more tears.

"I'm home, Sampson. Sorry for taking so long."

As she'd expected, nothing but silence met her whispered apology and she sagged forward to rest her head on her crossed arms on top of the sandy grave as the sobs she'd managed to keep at bay finally broke free; the tears dripping heedlessly from her chin soaking soundlessly into the soft soil housing her best friend. It hurt... Oh kami, it hurt so much. It felt like someone was carving out her heart inch by agonizing inch, the blade severing what little bit of sanity she still had. Resisting the urge to scream, she instead clenched her good hand tight enough to draw blood in an effort to dull the sharp ache ripping the rest of her apart.

She had no idea how long she remained that way but finally her sobs subsided leaving her with nothing but a sore throat and a throbbing headache that she knew was not likely to go away anytime soon. Inhaling deeply, she let the breath out slowly and wearily lifted her head from her arms to wipe away the wetness coating her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry for this, Sampson." She managed to choke out between hiccups as she reached out and smoothed her hand along the entire length of the grave. "You deserved so much better than this."

Taking another settling breath she sat back on her heels and wrapped her arms around her knees. "I'm sorry for crying all over you, buddy. I suppose I should stop before you try clawing your way out from wherever you are... " A hollow smile whispered across her lips, "... you never did like it when I cried."

A gentle breeze suddenly kicked up, setting the leaves above to dancing merrily and she smiled, "Is that you agreeing?" Another gust blew though the yard and her smile widened. "Keep it up and someone might see and decide to stick me in a mental hospital. Then how am I supposed to visit you?"

When no answering breeze came she shook her head at herself and fell back onto her bottom. Tucking her legs up to her chest tight, she sighed softly. "But then again, maybe it won't matter since it won't be too much longer before I join you anyway...." A hollow chuckle tore it's way out of her raw throat, "well that's if I decide not to take Kenshin's offer."

She scoffed softly and glanced up to the canopy of leaves shielding the fading moonlight from her searching eyes. "You're never going to believe what's happened since you've been gone." An empty smile touched her lips as she dropped her attention back to the mound, "I bet you already knew that Kenshin was vampire, didn't you? That's why you hated him so much at first. You were afraid he'd hurt me."

Exhaling softly, she sagged even more into herself. "Funny thing is, he wants to make me into something just like him so I can have the sun. Can you believe it? He doesn't want to hurt me, he wants to give me the one thing I've wanted my entire life." A sardonic smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth, "Ah, but there's a catch. If I let him do what he wants to do then I'll be stuck on this earth forever. What do you think about that, buddy?"

Nothing but silence met her questions and she dropped her head into her palms. "I don't know what to do, Sampson. I want the sun. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life but is it worth it? Is eternal life worth it?"

Once again nothing but silence met her questions and she sighed softly. "I really want to believe that it's worth it, but what happens if Kenshin grows tired of me or I get tired of him? What are we suppose to do then?" With a dejected sigh, she slid her useless hand up and wearily rubbed her forehead. "Maybe I should do what Dr. Genzai said and go talk to Kenshin again. Tell him my fears and see what he has to say."

Ignoring the twinge of fear that tightened her chest at the thought she nodded to herself. Maybe that's what she needed to do. She'd avoided that possibility all day for fear that he would somehow talk her into it no matter what, but the more she thought about it the more she'd come to realize that he had never once lied to her. Not even when it meant he could lose her. So maybe...

"Maybe I should..." she finally said aloud. Glancing one last time to her best friend's grave she smiled for real and whispered, "Thanks for listening, buddy. I needed that." And with that she rose and dusted off the sand sticking to her pants. "I guess this is goodbye for now." Another bout of tears started burning her eyes and she fended them off as she leaned down and smoothed her hand along the grave lovingly, "I going to miss you so much, buddy. So very much..."

Swallowing thickly, she sighed and straightened again before she lost what composure she'd managed to regain. This was going to hurt... for a very long time. Spinning on her heel before the wound could burst open again, she steeled herself against the ache still pulsing dully in her chest and hurried up the backyard to the porch. Taking the steps two at a time, she popped her head into the back door and was relieved to see the kitchen empty. The sound of the television reached her ears, telling her where her parents had settled and she smiled. At least she wouldn't have to try to explain what she was about to do. Heartened, she called out, "Mom. Dad. I'm going to Kenshin's for a minute. Be back soon."

A soft shuffling answered her call and she slammed the door before either one of them could so much as pop their head into the kitchen to ask why, and headed straight for Kenshin's before she lost her nerve. Now hopefully he was home because if he wasn't she wasn't sure she'd be able to convince herself to do this again. Shoving the thought from her mind, she glanced to the shaded window facing her house as she passed and exhaled softly in relief; the faint glow escaping around the edge of the heavy curtains answering her worry.

And yet the sight also made her slow her steps as a knot of fear tightened in her gut, indecision suddenly sapping her resolve. Scowling at her lack of a backbone, she clenched her fist tight and nearly growled at her weakness as she forcefully pushed herself forward. She needed to resolve this and talking to him was the only way she was ever going to figure out if she could do this. This decision had taken too long as it was. Any more and she might wind up worrying herself to death before she even had a chance to decide.

With that last thought pushing her steps, she quickly made her way up Kenshin's front steps and rapped her knuckles on the door before her courage could abandon her again. Listening intently for the soft padding of feet heading for the door, she was disappointed when nothing but the sound of her rapidly beating heart reached her ears. Maybe he wasn't home after all. Shaking off the tiny twinge of hope that blossomed in her chest at the thought, she clenched her fist even tighter and was just about knock again when the door all of a sudden swung open. Startled, she found herself staring into a pair of gleaming, violet eyes; the almost indistinguishable smile curling his lips making her breath catch in her throat.

"Kaoru..."

Her resolve wavered dangerously as her name rolled off his tongue and she simply stared at him in stunned silence, her forgotten hand still poised for the second knock. Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... She'd forgotten just how much this man had come to mean to her in these few short weeks. How was she supposed to keep a clear head with him looking at her like that?

"Would you like to come in?"

Kaoru nearly jumped as his question broke into her internal battle and she felt her face heat up at her inattention. Scowling at the faint smirk Kenshin was unsuccessfully trying to keep hidden, she dropped her hand back to her side and muttered, "Can we talk?"

The smirk immediately vanished and she winced as a flicker of what she could only call fear flashed through his eyes. With a resigned nod, Kenshin stepped aside and motioned her inside. Taking one last steadying breath, she hesitantly crossed the threshold into his domain and worked her feet out of her shoes then padded softly into the livingroom to settle down on the sofa. It seemed she wasn't the only one this was tearing apart. For some reason that knowledge helped calm her frazzled nerves and she felt the tense muscles in her neck relax somewhat. Maybe Kenshin wasn't as sure of himself as she'd originally believed. And maybe, just maybe, he really did want her around for all eternity. But that still left the other question. Did she?

Scoffing softly at herself, she resisted the urge to rub at the dull ache still pounding between her eyes and instead watched Kenshin out of the corner of her eye as he took a seat in the chair directly across from her. Truth was, she did want more time with him. A lot more time to get to know him, his likes, his dislikes, his worries, his fears, what makes him smile, what makes him angry. There was so much she didn't know about him that she really wanted to know, that she knew the few measly weeks she had left wouldn't be nearly enough. Not nearly enough at all.

She winced as her headache spiked and she finally gave in and rubbed the bridge of her nose in an effort to alleviate the pain. There was no use worrying about it now. She'd come here to find out if he even understood what he was doing, and until she knew that nothing else mattered.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" Kenshin asked quietly, breaking the awkward silence.

Kaoru's heart clenched tight at his carefully guarded tone and she finally gave him her full attention. A field of butterflies took flight in her stomach at the clear violet gaze he had firmly fixed on her in expectation. Cursing her suddenly dry mouth, she visibly swallowed and finally said, "I want to know... if... you understand what you're doing asking me to... be like you?"

Kenshin's forehead creased in confusion and he nodded. "Yes. I want to give you the one thing you've longed for your entire life."

Kaoru exhaled heavily and wearily shook her head. "But what happens when you get tired of having me around? Or I get tired of you, or that life? What then?"

An understanding smile split Kenshin's face and he visibly relaxed. "Oh... well, to answer your first question, I don't think I'll ever tire of having you with me." At her skeptical look, he held up a hand to silence her and continued before she could refute such an easy claim. "I've been alone for all but ten of the last five hundred and fifty years and to be honest I'm tired of being alone."

Kaoru's eyes widened slightly at the truth and Kenshin smirked as he leaned forward and settled his elbows on his knees. "And don't forget that I do love you, which helps with the whole eternity thing."

Unable to smile at his attempt to lighten the mood, Kaoru sighed softly and sagged heavily into the sofa cushions. "But will you still love me a hundred or even a thousand years from now? What if I get on your nerves or you on mine? What do we do then? I don't want to be alone like that. I don't think I could take it, not even for the sun."

Kenshin sighed wearily and shrugged. "I don't know, Kaoru. I can't promise you anything save the sun and the fact that I want you with me forever. It's up to you whether you can stand to face that with me."

Kaoru flinched and dropped her eyes to her lap. "Is there really no way to end your life?" She asked in one last ditch effort to at least get him to think of a possible way so she could take what he was offering.

Kenshin exhaled heavily and Kaoru cringed at the weariness in his tone. "Unfortunately, no. But maybe now that Megumi is back with us she will be able to find some way to end this life and then we won't be chained to life eternal unless we want it."

Kaoru snapped her head up, unsure if she'd heard him right. "Do you mean Takani-san? She's a scientist?"

Kenshin smiled and shook his head. "No, she's a doctor. Or at least she was until Sano changed her."

A sudden flare of hope nearly stole Kaoru's breath and she sat up a little straighter. "But she was a doctor so that means she could research this couldn't she?"

Kenshin's eyes widened at her sudden enthusiasm. "I guess she could." And then his eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he asked, "Does that mean that if Megumi will look into this for us then you will allow the change?"

Kaoru felt the blood drain from her face as tiny tremors started to shake her entire body. Is that what it meant? Would she let him give her this life if Takani-san would do that? And then suddenly the answer was there, clear as day. Yes. If Takani-san would try to find a way for her to end that life when she chose then she would let him do it. At the realization, Kaoru felt a great weight lift from her shoulders, her trembling subsiding as she smiled. Dr. Genzai had been right, now all she could hope was that Takani-san could find the way.

And then another thought rose up to slap her in the face and she deflated slightly. There was one other thing holding her back from accepting this though, wasn't there. How was she suppose to go through all those years without the use of her right hand? Kenshin had already told her that the change didn't heal. Frowning, she poked at her dead fingers and glanced at Kenshin. "Do you think Takani-san will know how to fix these?" She asked lifting her useless hand.

For a moment Kenshin simply stared at her and then he smiled softly. "I don't know. She might. All we can do is ask."

With a sigh, Kaoru dropped her hand back into her lap and shrugged. "I guess it doesn't really matter if she can't. That just means you'll have to teach me how to fight with my left hand then."

A heavy silence as thick as the humid night air fell between them and Kaoru valiantly tried to keep from grinning as she watched Kenshin slowly digest that last sentence. She couldn't help the chuckle that escaped though as his eyes flew wide and he asked, "Does that mean you'll allow the change?"

Kaoru nodded as the grin broke free. "Yes."

A huge smile split Kenshin's face and before she even knew what was happening he had somehow managed to go from the chair he'd been occupying to the sofa beside her. Caught off guard, she was just about to jump back when she all of a sudden felt herself hauled into his lap and clasped in a bone-crushing hug. She stiffened for a split second in surprise before she snaked her arms around him and hugged him just as tightly, "Sorry for making you wait so long. I just -"

Kenshin scoffed lightly cutting her off and loosened his hold enough for her to lean back. "Don't be. I know it was a big decision. I didn't expect you to make it lightly."

Biting back a relieved sigh, Kaoru smiled, "So. Now what?"

Kenshin sighed and released her to let her settle back onto the sofa. Kaoru did just that but still kept her legs draped over his. She didn't miss the miniscule smile that flickered across his lips as he settled his hand on her knee. "First we have to wait for you to heal completely. Then there are a couple of people I need to contact that will need to be here to make this work. And of course we have to explain all this to your parents." He added as an afterthought.

At the mention of her parents, Kaoru stiffened then flew off the sofa. "My parents!" Rushing for the door, she quickly shoved her feet into her shoes and was just about to throw the door open when Kenshin's hand slapped against it, holding it closed.

"Kaoru. What's wrong?"

Kaoru swung anxious eyes to him and swallowed, "I haven't been home yet. Not really. I'm surprised my father hasn't come beating down your door yet. Oh, kami, he's going to kill me!"

"Ah.." Kenshin breathed softly as he dropped his hand so she could open the door. Giving him an apologetic smile, she tugged it open, "I have to go but I promise I'll be back soon." Rising up on her toes, she kissed him softly to prove her words then headed out the door into the stifling night air. She was just about to close the door behind her when she stopped suddenly and turned to catch him before he vanished back into the house.

"Kenshin?"

Kenshin turned at her call and she whispered, "Thanks for taking care of Sampson."

Kaoru's chest clenched painfully at the sad smile that whispered across his lips. "No thanks are needed. He was my friend too."

Swallowing back the tears blurring her vision, she gave him an understanding smile and nodded before she closed the door and headed for home. He was right, Sampson was friend to both of them but nevertheless, he deserved the thanks because she seriously doubted she could have done that herself. If she'd had to bury Sampson herself it would have killed her.

Kenshin smirked as the door closed soundly behind Kaoru and wasn't the least bit surprised to hear his back door open almost immediately. Glancing over his shoulder he watched quietly as his visitors invited themselves in.

"About time you two finished." Sano grouched as he shuffled into the kitchen, closely followed by Megumi. "I thought Meg and I were going to have to stand out there until sunrise."

Ignoring Sano's scowl, Kenshin turned around and gave his full attention to the only person who could help him right now. "I take it you heard?"

Megumi smiled and nodded. "And yes, I will look into it. To be honest I've been researching your 'change' since the day you disappeared. I haven't found anything yet but that doesn't mean I won't."

Kenshin sighed and smiled gratefully. "Thanks. Honestly, I'd like to know too. Like Kaoru said, forever is a long time."

Megumi smirked in understanding but before she could say anything more Sano drawled, "So, now what?"

Kenshin shrugged and settled down on the edge of the sofa, facing the two still standing in the kitchen. "Not much just yet. First Kaoru has to heal and then we can set up the rest." Shifting his attention back to Megumi, he asked, "What about her hand. Is there anything you can do about that?"

Megumi smiled secretly and inclined her head. "Actually, yes. Several years ago I was tampering with the possibility of somehow using our blood to help humans. And I did have a breakthrough of a sort."

Kenshin inhaled sharply as his eyes flew wide at what she was implying but before he could say anything she smiled and continued.

"I found a way to regenerate paralyzed nerves of humans using a rare herb that I accidentally stumbled on. That herb mixed with our blood and another compound that keeps the effects localized stimulates regeneration in dead nerves. The only drawback was that the nerves regenerated for the paralyzed part of the body rendered the limb immortal." A sardonic smirk tugged at her lips. "It would have been kind of hard to explain why an arm or a leg remained so young when the rest of the body aged." With a shrug she leaned against the kitchen counter beside Sano and crossed her arms. "Anyway, that doesn't matter with our girl because she only needs it regenerated long enough to undergo the change and then the rest of her will be the same."

A bone deep wave of relief spread through Kenshin's body and he gave Megumi a genuine smile. "Thank you, Megumi. I'm going to owe you big after this."

Megumi smiled sweetly, "Yes, you will. Remember that."

Sano snorted, "Be careful what you say. You never know what she'll want in payment." Ducking the annoyed slap Megumi aimed at his head, he shuffled away. "Keep it up woman and I'll leave you here."

Before Megumi could retort, Kenshin quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Where are you going?"

Sano smirked roguishly. "You didn't think I was going to keep her entertained here, did you?" Kenshin's eyes narrowed slightly, still not quite understanding and Sano elaborated. "We'll be staying at the safe house here in town so we won't be in your way."

Kenshin gave him an odd look and cocked his head to the side slightly. "Why would you be in my way? I have two bedrooms in this house."

"And what are you going to do if jou-chan's a virgin, hmm...? Change her without bothering to remedy that?" Sano shuddered at the thought, but Kenshin missed it as he all of a sudden saw the huge dilemma he had somehow managed to completely overlook; the blood draining from what felt like his entire body. Oblivious to his best friend's distress, Sano continued. "Trust me that would be a very bad idea. Shishio found that out the hard way about fifty years ago. Needless to say, the girl he changed without making sure of that was pissed." Sano shuddered again. "His burns still haven't healed completely."

Kenshin just stared at the tall, spiky-haired vampire in something akin to horror and swallowed tightly. He hadn't thought of that at all. How could he have overlooked that? He scowled blackly as his so-called best friend all of a sudden busted out laughing, the look on his face making Kenshin's hand itch to wipe it off.

"You didn't think about that, did you? Good thing I did or you would have turned jou-chan into the 'Eternal Virgin'." A Cheshire grin spread across Sano's face. "I think she might kill you if you do that."

A strangled half chuckle, half snort escaped from Megumi at that point and she grabbed ahold of Sano and hauled him to the backdoor. "We better go so I can get to work on the serum you'll need when she's ready." And before Kenshin could so much as blink she dragged the still grinning man out the door and vanished into the humid night.

Exhaling softly, Kenshin made his way into the kitchen and closed the door then leaned heavily against it. He knew it had to be done but to be honest he hadn't wanted to do it this way. He had wanted to take it slow, but it seemed that wasn't going to be possible anymore. Not if she really was a virgin, which he had a strong feeling she was.

Swallowing thickly he pushed off the door and padded silently back into the livingroom to sag bonelessly onto the sofa. It wasn't like he didn't want to because he did, very badly, but not this way. What would she say when he broached this extremely sensitive subject? He almost snorted at the question, most likely she'd knock him into next week.

With a weary sigh, he rubbed his forehead and sagged even more into the sofa's cushiony softness. Maybe it would be best to not bother asking and just initiate, that way she would never know. At the thought a tiny smile slowly lifted his lips and for the first time in a very long time he felt his other half stir in anticipation.

Yes, maybe that would be the best course of action... for both of them.

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