Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Compliance ❯ Need ( Chapter 5 )

Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic

Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment

All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.


Compliance
by: Chiruken
Need

Sighing softly, he pushed the familiar door open and stepped quickly inside. Pausing, he looked over the empty space and allowed a bitter smile to curve his lips upwards briefly. He'd managed, for once, to arrive before Saito. He was pleased. It would suit his purposes better this way. Pushing away from the door, he crossed the room to the small lamp left for their nightly trysts. Kneeling on the cold floor, he willed his hands to stop shaking as he struck the flint, watching as the tiny spark caught on the wick and burst into flame. Replacing the glass cover he stood and reached for the blanket folded neatly to the side. Swiftly shaking it out, he spread it over the dirt covered floor. Straightening, he allowed the pack to slip from his back to land with a soft thud on the floor with a small cloud of cloying dust rising up from the movement beside the blanket. Hands trembling, he opened it and reached inside, fingers brushing over the various objects stored within. He closed his eyes, breath emerging in soft puffs of condensation in the cold air. tonight, for the first time, he was going to admit to Saito what it was he truly wanted. His hands closed into fists, feeling his stomach clenching in fearful anticipation of what the older man's reaction was likely to be.

Drawing in a deep shuddering breath, he began to pull the objects from the bag, setting them to the side. Amongst the items a jar of oil and another blanket were included. Biting his lips, he moved his eyes over the collection. He wondered if Saito would take advantage of the situation. He had a feeling that the older man enjoyed inflicting pain as much as he had come to enjoy receiving it. He shivered, hating himself for his twisted cravings. Now that he'd finally admitted it to himself he did feel a small amount of relief that understanding his previously hidden motives brought. Sighing, he slowly stood and removed his clothing. The next night he would bring another blanket to cushion his body from the cold hardness of the floor. His gaze rested on the small pile of bandages set atop the now emptied bag. More bandages were likely to be needed as well.

Resting his daisho against the wall he folded his clothes and set them beside the weapons. Turning to face the door he shivered in the cold. Some form of warmth would be beneficial, but he was uncertain how he could obtain one without drawing too much attention to himself. He bent and lifted the blanket he'd brought and wrapped it around his slender form, pulling it closed against his chest as he slowly knelt. He was cold and nervous. It was a combination that threatened his control. His stomach was in knots due to his growing anxiety. He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing in an attempt to calm himself.

The sound of the door opening had his eyes snapping open and his breathing quickened again, panic twisting his insides, making him fear he'd be physically ill. He met Saito's surprised gaze steadily, refusing to allow his inner turmoil to show. “You're early.” The door swung closed as he strode forward. His narrowed amber gaze moved over the objects laid out beside the blanket. “What's this?” One eyebrow arched curiously.

“I…” He stopped, hating the slight quaver to his voice. He swallowed and stood slowly, allowing the blanket to slip from his body to pool at his feet. “I want…” Why couldn't he just say it? He hadn't realized how hard it would be to admit aloud.

Saito allowed his gaze to move over the younger man's naked form, feeling his body responding immediately. He tore his gaze from him to stare instead at the strange collection of items on the floor. “Rope…oil…branch…hmm…” A thoughtful frown crossed his stern features. “What an interesting array, Kenshin.”

He trembled, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I want you to…to use them, Saito.” He bowed his head, fearing the other man's reaction.

The Shinsengumi captain raised a hand to stroke his chin, eyes moving back to the smaller man. “I see.” He murmured softly, a slow smile spreading across his features, eyes reflecting his growing interest. “So…that is the way it is with you. I thought as much.” He felt a curl of excitement spread through him. Swiftly removing his clothing he stood before the young hitokiri and reached out to grasp his chin, lifting his head to stare into his almost frightened expression. “It took a lot to admit that, didn't it?” He murmured softly.

“More than you could ever imagine.” He whispered, amber eyes steady on the other man's gaze. “Hurt me, Saito. Make the pain recede with a different pain.”

He felt his breath catch and lowered his head to claim his lips in a rough, punishing kiss, feeling him respond immediately. Despite himself, he ached for the younger man, understanding his motives now. He released his lips and pushed him back, against the wall. “The pain will never go away, Kenshin.” He spoke harshly as he bent to retrieve the slender willow branch. “You will carry it within your heart and soul for the remainder of your days.” He lifted it and stared at his younger lover. “But I will do what you ask, because I can't refuse.” He struck swiftly, bringing the switch down against his hip. He felt a thrill curl through him at the sharp hiss of pain the other man emitted, eyes closing as he winced at the sting. “Kneel.” He ordered roughly, watching as he moved to obey, dropping to his knees on the blanket. He proceeded to bring the branch down repeatedly on his exposed back, feeling his excitement grow as he watched the welts form against the pale flesh, his soft cries echoing in his ears.

He closed his eyes, hands clenching into fists on the rough wool of the blankets as he felt his back slowly numb from the sharp stinging of the descending switch. Warmth flooded his body as the pain continued. Gasping, he opened his eyes to stare at the steady flame of the burning wick. Tears trickled down his cheeks, but he relished the feeling. Finally, he'd found a way to release the pain he carried within his heart. He could hear Saito's harsh breathing and knew that he was also finding release through his actions. They really weren't all that different after all. He needed to feel the pain while the other man needed to lash out and inflict it.

Slowly lowering the willow branch he stared at the smaller man for a moment, breathing heavily. His back would be bruised come morning, he knew. He felt a slight moment of guilt at the thought. “What are the bandages for?” He finally asked, tossing the switch aside.

Breathing deeply, he sat back on his heels and reached for a small knife. He turned and offered it to the other man's inspection, head bowed. The next instant he drew the blade sharply over his forearm, drawing a thin trickle of blood. “For this.” He whispered as he raised his gaze to the older man.

Reaching down he grabbed to younger man's wrist in a bruising grip. “Stop that. I have no wish to see you bleed, Kenshin.” It disturbed him that the hitokiri hadn't winced at the bite of steel into his flesh. “I will play along with the rest, but in this I will have no part.” He knelt, throwing the knife across the room.

He nodded slowly, not protesting the harsh refusal. “All right.” He murmured softly.

Lifting his arm he inspected the shallow wound, seeing other marks cut into the muscular forearm. Raising his head he gazed into the younger man's averted features, feeling pity welling within him. “Don't do it again, Kenshin.” He pressed the soft cloth of a bandage against the wound before wrapping it deftly around his arm. He jerked him forward. “I mean it. No more cutting.”

Smiling softly he met the older man's gaze unwaveringly. “Those aren't from me, Saito.” He offered his other arm for inspection, turning it so his wrist was visible. “This is.” He whispered, showing the thin line of an old scar. “Once, long ago, life seemed unbearable. I sought for relief from the circumstances I had no control over. I may hate what I've become, but I also know that this isn't the answer.”

“I am relieved.” He murmured softly. He lifted his hand and gently caressed the younger man's cheek. “For men such as we, such a death is meaningless and without honor.”

“For you, maybe.” He shrugged, pulling away from the tender gesture. He didn't want tenderness from this man. “I am not samurai. For me, honorable suicide is not an option. I can only live with dishonor…or die in battle.”

“Not samurai?” He echoed in surprise. “Then how is it that you've been taught kenjutsu?”

”It isn't important, is it?” He shifted, reaching to the side and lifting the jar of oil. “We aren't here to talk, Saito.” He removed the lid and poured the liquid into his hand, reaching forward and grasping the other man's hardness, stroking him a few times before allowing his hand to fall to his side again. The other man's narrowed gaze was still on him, waiting for an explanation despite the way his chest rose and fell rapidly from the stimulation of his hand. He sighed softly in resignation. He wouldn't continue until he received an answer. “I am…was…the son of a farmer sold into slavery. Bandits killed the slave traders and I was spared by the intervention of a swordsman. That swordsman took me in and trained me in his discipline. Anything else is unimportant.”

Nodding slowly he pushed the smaller man back forcefully, reaching down to grasp his legs in a bruising grip. “True.” Shoving his legs up roughly, he grasped his member and guided himself to his tight entrance. Without further delay, he thrust forward sharply, burying himself deeply, watching as his face twisted with discomfort. Leaning forward, be began thrusting with increasing force, rocking his body with the motion. “Does it hurt?” He rasped. “Does it hurt enough yet, Kenshin?” He grabbed his slender wrists and held them above his head, his soft moans filling his ears.

Closing his eyes, he endured the pain, hands clenching and unclenching where they were held above his head. He could feel his body responding, his arousal straining between them. Inside he felt himself cringing, knowing that it wasn't enough yet, that his soul still writhed in agony that the physical pain hadn't diminished yet. There was only one way to get Saito to hurt him more. He began to struggle, teeth gritted against the increased pain his actions caused.

Scowling, Saito released one of the smaller man's wrists to draw his hand back and slap him hard, the noise of flesh striking flesh loud over his moans and the sounds of their bodies coming together. He reached to the side, fumbling blindly until his fingers settled over the coil of rope before pulling it closer. Shifting, he pushed the younger man's legs up further, moving his grip to his slender hips. Holding him steadily in place, he grunted as he increased the force of his hips, pumping into his receiving body violently. Burying his engorged flesh deeply one last time he shuddered, head thrown back in a hoarse shout of release as his member pulsed with his orgasm. Pulling out of him, he watched as his seed trickled from his tight opening before reaching for the rope again. “Not enough, I see.” He muttered, wrapping the coarse fibers around his wrists as he stared up at him pleadingly. He now understood the look. It meant the younger man was still in emotional pain, that his body hadn't been abused enough yet to satisfy his need for a physical outlet for it. Standing abruptly, he dragged the young hitokiri to his feet, securing his arms behind his back, the rope biting into the flesh of his slender wrists. Slamming him against the wall, he claimed his lips in a bruising kiss before stepping back. Looking around he frowned, searching for a way to secure him to the wall. His eyes fell on his sheathed katana briefly before he discarded the notion. Reaching down he grasped his hardened flesh and began stroking him roughly. The smaller man responded by thrusting his hips forward into his stroking hand.

He felt helpless with the rope binding his arms behind him and the way Saito was touching him was nearly unbearable. His views hadn't changed entirely. He still hated the way the older man used him. Throwing his head back he winced when the back of his head struck the wall, momentarily dazing him. He may hate it, but he knew that he also needed it. A small part of him was excited by the way Saito was using him so roughly. Gritting his teeth he forced himself to look down again, watching as the other man's hand moved over his throbbing member. His eyes moved to Saito's returning arousal and he groaned inwardly. His plan had been flawed. He'd thought that by willingly subjecting himself to the older man's abuse that he could somehow lessen the pain he felt inside, but now he found that to be the opposite. He wouldn't find relief from the torment within his heart and soul like this.

He abruptly released the smaller man's cock. Staring at him for a moment, he saw the sadness reflected in his eyes and knew that the arrangement was not working. Gritting his teeth, he pulled him away from the wall. With his arms secured behind his back he couldn't maintain his balance and fell to his knees. Looking down on him he smirked and kicked him to send him sprawling to the floor. “This plan of yours isn't working, is it?” He murmured thoughtfully before shrugging. “It doesn't matter.” Reaching down, he grasped his arm and pulled him to his feet, smirking at his soft yelp of pain. Spinning him, he threw him against the wall again. Moving behind him he reached down and grasped his hips in a bruising grip. Rubbing his hardening member against the firm buttocks of his younger lover he closed his eyes, enjoying the way the motion brought him to full arousal again.

 

Closing his eyes, he fought to steady his breathing. Saito was going to take him again, against the wall this time. He could feel the hard length of his engorged member pushing against him as he thrust his hips forward. Clenching his hands into fists where they were tied behind his back he fought his own immediate response to struggle. It wouldn't do him any good. He was at a clear disadvantage and had no choice but to comply with the other man's twisted wants. A tiny part of him knew that despite the way he hated the treatment he also needed it. He didn't want to need Saito. He didn't want to crave this abuse. But he did.

Parting the muscular buttocks he thrust his hips forward, pushing his cock into the smaller man, relishing his sharp cry as he invaded his waiting body. “It was pain you wanted, Kenshin.” He rasped near the smaller man's ear. “I will give it to you.” Holding him steady with a bruising grip on his slender hips he pumped into him forcefully. He would never tire of the way the young hitokiri's body gripped him so tightly as he drove his sex into him repeatedly, nor the way his soft cries had turned to yelps and moans of pain.

The rough wood of the wall rubbed against his chest as he rocked with Saito's near frantic motions. Each deep thrust hit that part inside of him that sent waves of unimaginable pleasure washing over his body and he felt his own member begin to throb almost painfully. He needed to feel Saito's hand on him, stroking him, bringing him pleasure to counter the pain. He couldn't even bring himself relief with his hands tied behind his back. So he suffered, biting his lips to prevent himself from begging the other man to touch him as he so desperately needed.

He could feel the hitokiri's bound hands clench into fists between them and scowled, increasing the pace of his thrusts, pounding into his body violently, grunting with the effort of maintaining his punishing pace. Lowering his head to the smaller man's shoulder he bit down hard, enjoying his sharp yelp of pain. He turned his head, pressing his face against the smaller man's neck. “You're so tight…” He groaned as he shifted his grip on the other man's hips, partially lifting him from the floor.

Mouth falling open in a sharp cry of pleasure and pain, he struggled to regain his balance. Saito's straining body pinned him against the wall, his muscular chest moving against his back, his breath rasping in his ear. “Saito!” He cried, hating the plea in his voice. “Please…” Tears filled his eyes as he threw his pride away. “Please…I need…” A sob choked him as the other man's body pushed into him, sending a wave of pain throughout his body. “Please…”

“What?” He grunted. “What do you need?” The smaller man's tear-filled voice increased his excitement. He liked the feeling of power the tone instilled in him.

“Touch me…” He entreated, hating his need.

“Beg me…” He felt a thrill surge through him. He liked the thought of the young hitokiri begging him for his touch, pleading with him to bring him to the brink of ecstasy.

“Please…” He whispered and threw his head back on a throaty groan when the other man's hand closed around his throbbing need to stroke him firmly. The sensations assaulted him, throwing him ever closer to the violently satisfying release only Saito and their brutal joining could bring him. Tears fell unchecked as he gasped at the older man's near desperate thrusting, his own body rocking in frenzied need. He hated the feelings the larger man made him feel, yet he was powerless to deny them.

He felt the smaller man begin to shake, his cock seeming to swell in his hand as he pumped him with rough ruthlessness, demanding his response whether he was willing or not. With unexpected suddenness his younger lover went rigid, a harsh, guttural cry torn from his throat as he tumbled over the edge into orgasm, his member pulsing as he spilled his release over his hand. He jerked at him a few more times before lifting his hand, covered in the hitokiri's seed, to rub his fingers against his parted lips, his panting breaths cooling the warm stickiness coating the digits.

Gasping to regain his breath, he moaned, feeling Saito's cock pumping into him wildly, his groans harsh in his ears. I can't keep doing this… He thought despairingly. He thought that by submitting to the other man's dominance, by willingly accepting the pain, that his own inner anguish would somehow be lessened. But all it did was leave him feeling empty and more hurt than ever. When the other man thrust one last time, his body going rigid as his member emptied deep within him, he bowed his head, forehead resting against the rough wall before him. His arms ached from the awkward position of being bound behind him and his hands were swiftly losing feeling. Saito released him abruptly and he fell forward against the wall. He pulled out of him, his seed trickling down to coat his thighs and he felt sick deep inside. He wanted nothing more than to clean himself of the other man's scent. It was beginning to nauseate him. Slowly he slid down the wall to kneel, head bowed, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Saito stepped back and stared down at the younger man, expression grim. This was the first time the hitokiri had broken down so completely in front of him. “You're pathetic.” He muttered, turning away in disgust. He reached for his clothes, pulling them on with sharp, angry movements. “You wanted pain, Kenshin, and I gave it to you. Does it feel better? Did it lessen your own torment?” He stared down at him, not needing his response to answer his question. “Of course not. You still feel it, but it's intensified with your own dark longings. You like being hurt and you hate yourself for it. Whether you like it or not, you need me. Desperately.” He reached down and jerked the smaller man to his feet. His eyes narrowed on his tear streaked face and he drew his hand back to slap him hard. “Stop that.” He hated the way his younger lover's tears affected him, filling his heart with bitter guilt.

He jerked in surprise at the harshness in the other man's tone. Lifting his amber gaze to meet Saito's, he bit his lips, his cheek stinging from the harsh slap he'd delivered. “I do.” He whispered. “I do need it…but I hate it. I don't want…”

“Shut up.” He drew his small dagger and cut through the ropes binding the young hitokiri's arms behind his back. “I don't want to hear it.” He shoved him roughly towards his clothes. “Get dressed.”

Whimpering softly as the circulation returned to his numb hands, he stumbled before righting himself. Bending with painful stiffness he retrieved his abandoned clothes and slowly pulled them on, keeping his gaze averted from the older man. Drawing in a shallow breath as he shrugged into his dark haori he turned slowly to the other man. “I don't want to do this anymore, Saito.”

“You have no choice in the matter. You need this.” His eyes narrowed in growing anger. He didn't want to give up the moments of intense bliss he felt when he was with the younger man, yet his words implied that their times together were drawing to an abrupt end.

“But I do.” Straightening his shoulders he forced himself to meet the other man's furious gaze directly. “It was a mistake from the start. It's wrong, Saito, can't you see that? You do this because you hate me…”

He grabbed the younger man and pulled him close roughly. “Hate you?” He whispered, amber gaze fierce as he stared down into the almost delicate features of the hitokiri. He lowered his head and kissed him roughly. Pulling back, chest rising and falling with the harshness of his panting breaths, he gritted his teeth. “What I feel is far from hate, Kenshin.”

“You don't love me so don't even try to say you do. You like to hurt me…and yes, I need to be hurt…but that doesn't mean it's right. We can't keep doing this.” He stepped back, away from the taller man. “You have a wife, Saito. Do you return to her, share her futon after being with me? Does she wonder where you go? Does she know that you have a male lover? Do you make love to her with tenderness after you've fucked me? Can't you see that we can't do this anymore?”

“My wife is none of your business!” He felt a surge of rage towards the younger man that threatened his control.

“Then she doesn't know.” He shook his head sadly. “Go back to her. Leave me be and forget we ever did any of this.”

“I cannot and will not forget, Kenshin.” As quickly as his anger came it fled, leaving him filled with despair. “This cannot be the end.” He whispered, watching the truth show in the younger man's eyes. “I don't accept it.”

“You must. When I leave tonight, that will be the end. I will forget because I can't live with the memories.”

“Was it really so terrible?” He asked softly, lifting his hand to lightly caress the other man's scarred cheek.

Lowering his gaze to the floor he nodded, lips quivering as he fought, once again, to hold back his tears. “I don't like how I need this, Saito. It leaves me feeling empty inside. This isn't the answer…never was…and I know now that I'll never find peace.” Returning his gaze to the other man's he sighed softly. “I have nightmares.” He admitted slowly. “At first it was of blood and death…but now…” His voice failed him for a moment before he cleared his throat, forcing himself to continue with his confession. “Now I relive our nights together amid the rest. I can't sleep anymore…” He looked away again and drew in a deep, calming breath before stepping away, the other man's hand falling to his side again. “Next time we meet it will be in battle.” Without waiting for a reply, he crossed to the door and left, swiftly disappearing into the welcoming shadows of a sleeping Kyoto.