Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 7

Meanwhile, Kelly leaned outside the door to Tokio's room, listening to clothing rustle. Satisfied that Two Bit Hooker 8000 wasn't going to cause any problems, Kelly went to go see what was shakin' down at the bath house. She put her ear against the door and listened to splashing, squealing, and all around horse play. Kelly smiled, knowing that Jenny was getting hers tonight.

Suddenly, Kelly heard Jenny squeal. "Hey, I'm supposed to be the one ravishing you, not vice versa!"

Uh-oh, Kelly thought. Looks like Jenny's plan worked too well. Oh well, I'll see what happens.

"C'mon, you know you like it."

"Oooo, Sa--I mean, Hajime, you certainly know how to please a woman. Now, let's go back to bed."

"I thought you liked to play in the tub."

"I do, but...well; I just don't feel like it tonight. Come on."

"Why go back to bed when we're just gonna have to come back in here anyways?"

"Why would we have to come back here?"

"Well, aren't we going to be dirty?"

"Ewww! Nasty!"

"Tokio? You sound a little odd. Is everything ok?"

"Uh, yeah, everything's fine," Toki-Jenny said, started to lose the Tokio part of her voice.

"No, something's wrong. C'mon, you can tell me what it is."

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Ok, then..."

"Eeeek! Hajime! Get your hand out of there!"

"Why?"

"I--I--Hey! Ok, you REALLY need to get your hand out of there!"

"I thought you liked that!"

"Well, I don't!"

Suddenly, Saito stopped playing around and really tried to figure out who was in front of him. His hands wandered all over Jenny's body, finally coming to a rest on top of her head.

"Tokio...When did you cut your hair?"

"Um, yesterday?"

"JENNY!" Saito roared, shooting out of the tub like a damn NASA Saturn 5 rocket. "You...you, you BITCH!!! How dare you impersonate my wife!"

Kelly chose that moment to appear. "Um, you guys got about 5 minutes to get the shouting match over with," she said, pointing at her watch.

"What?"

"Yeah, I figure that's how long it'll take Tokio to break down that barricade I set up. I can hear her gnawing at it already. Putting those horse teeth to good use, I think."

Saito grabbed a towel. "Both of you! OUT! OUT! OUT!"

There was a huge crash, followed by several obscenities. Tokio came running up, Saito's sword in hand.

"Tokio, I'm going to kill these two."

"Whoa! She got out of her cage with the quickness. Apparently, that wall wasn't as good as I thought. You should get that checked, Saito. The walls in this house are, well, ghetto."

"Jenny. Come here," Saito said menacingly.

"Um, as much as I'd really like to, I don't think that you have my health in mind. So I'll pass up on that offer."

"Jenny. Now."

"No thanks."

"J...e...n...n...y..."

"Rrrright," Jenny said, that started to run away.

Kelly and Tokio stood there for a few seconds, before Tokio turned a hateful glare to the other criminal in the man-snatchin' of Saito fiasco.

Kelly waved and smiled. "Hi."

"You're dead."

"Ack!" Kelly screamed, running in the direction of Saito and Jenny.

"It was a misunderstanding!" cried Jenny, backing away from Saito and an equally pissed off Tokio, "I mean, we was ju' playin'! He didn't get anything, I didn't get anything. No harm done, right?"

"What did she touch Hajime," Tokio turned her anger towards her husband, "And you better tell me the truth!"

Saito gulped, "E-everything dear."

"Everything? The Everything? You don't mean," she glanced back at Jenny, who was hiding behind Kelly, "Everything?"

"Ay! It's not like I forced him to let me touch that," Jenny called, still hiding, "He put my hand there! Of course I'm gonna cop a few-- dozen feels. I didn't hold on that long! He's not tainted you know, no good hussy."

"Excuse me?" Tokio stomped forward, rolling up her nightgown's sleeves, "I will not be disrespected in my own home! Jenny, I'm your elder, come here this instant for a spanking."

"Whoa whoa whoa," cried Kelly, stepping away from all the violence, "Is that a location on Jenny that you'd want to venture?"

Before Jenny could escape, Tokio planted a firm, eardrum shattering whap on Jenny's exposed ass.

"Ow!" cried Jenny, eyes getting all watery. She bit her lip, "That didn't hurt too bad….*sniff sniff*."

"Oho, you wait until I'm through with you," said Saito, stepping forward, "You're going to wish that you'd let me kill you…"

"Noooo!" Jenny cried, and passed out in a heap on the ground.

Kelly jumped before her melon headed friend, "You can't spank her ass! That's Jenny abuse! And Saito, she'd enjoy that!"

Saito smirked evilly, "O, believe me; she'll never want me to touch her after this."

Kelly thought for a moment, "Maybe you're right. Proceed." She stepped out of the way and covered her ears.

The sound of hand impacting on ass could be heard for miles and miles.

Jenny and Kelly sleepily made their way out of their bedrooms to breakfast. Jenny had a large bandage on her ass.

"God, why the hell does my ass hurt so much?" she said, rubbing it before she sat down at the dining room table, "One moment I was getting molested by some guy, the next, my ass hurts. Hey, you don't think…"

"No I don't," cried Kelly, sitting down next to her, "Believe me, that's NOT what happened."

Saito walked in, looking unusually happy, "Morning Kelly." He eyed Jenny warily, "Jenny…"

"Goodmorning!" Jenny reached for a plate of food, not seeing the startled look on Tokio and Saito's face, "I slept like a baby. Boy o boy. Mmmm… this food is delicious Tokio-san! You'll have to give me the recipe!"

"Uhhh, sure."

"Are you feeling ok?" Kelly looked at Jenny crazy, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I'm just happy to be in the company of friends!"

"Ok, you're not fooling me," said Saito, getting all up in her face, "What are you planning now? Hiding in the bathroom? In my closet? In the bathhouse again?"

Jenny looked shocked, "Saito-san! What are you saying!"

"Hmmm," Saito looked her over carefully, "Clear eyes, lack of evil in the smile, no drool. I think last night may have cured her."

"Cured me? Wha? What happened last night? O wait! You're talking about Sano and I in the bathhouse, right? Well, that's none of your business sir. What goes on in our sex life is not for prying eyes."

"Hold up, hold up," Kelly called a damn time-out, cuz this shit was getting silly, "You hate Sanosuke, firstly. Secondly, you have no sex life, and thirdly, you love Saito, not that stupid salmonella carryin' Futae No Nothin' Ain't Getting Broke Kiwami, loser."

"I'm going to kill you," roared Jenny, pouncing on Kelly, "How could you make up those terrible lies! Saito-san is married! And Sano-chan is my boyfriend! Take it back."

Saito couldn't help but laugh, "So, let me get this straight. You're in love with that aho? This is too good."

"It could be a trap," said Tokio, still watching Jenny carefully, "We should test her. Let her grab your ass Hajime."

"Tokiooooo!"

"Just do it!"

"Fine," he growled angrily, "Jenny, `ju grab my ass?" He placed her hand on his backside.

"EEEEEEWWWWW!!!" squealed Jenny, "Kelly! What the hell is he doing?"

"Sorry sorry," he apologized, trying to quiet her screams.

"You totally mutilated my friend," sulked Kelly, "Now she's not going to be nearly as much fun."

"Its better this way," Saito said, watching a bluebird land on Jenny's shoulder, "I won't have to kill now." She started to sing to it.

"Come young Kelly!" laughed Jenny, "Let's go and make flower necklaces! Thanks for the wonderful breakfast Tokio-san. Saito-san."

Kelly followed Jenny outside, where she was in the grass braiding daisies like some loser from Little House on the Prairie.

"Jenny!" whined Jelly, plopping down next to her, "Snap out of it! You're really acting…gay!"

Suddenly Jenny became serious, "C'mon now. Even you should know I'm faking here. It took ever ounce of my will to stop myself from throwing the man down on the table and freaking him while eating breakfast." Then she winked.

"Whew, you scared me for a second," Kelly said relieved, "I thought you were really in love with Rurouni Kenshin's weakest man. I mean, Sanosuke couldn't even scratch you if you injected him with Mike Tyson DNA and slapped some fighting gloves on him."

"Ahhh, but he'd still continue going to jail, right?"

"That's very true."

Without warning, Jenny's eyes suddenly became wild with anger, "L-look. In the window… It's terrible!"

Kelly turned and saw the silhouette of Saito kissing Tokio in the house.

"What a total prostitute!" cried Jenny, getting ready to get up and slap the banana bread outta her, "And in broad daylight! What is she thinking?"

"She's thinking, `I love my husband and want to kiss him'," explained Kelly, her words obviously not reaching Jenny, "Besides! You had your chance. I'm very disappointed in you."

"Huh?"

"I mean, when it came down to it, you were a total chicken!" taunted Kelly, Jenny's coconut looking more like a tomato at the moment, "I heard you last night. Trying to get away from him. What's your damn problem?"

"W-well," Jenny stammered, "It was because I have a cold, that's it. I didn't want him to catch it. Hehe. But next time for sure, I'll have him!"

"Yeah right. So you can run away again like a chicken-pot Sano-pie. Cold my ass."

"B-but, he was so grabby! I'm supposed to be the grabby one! And he was pointy!"

"Uhhh, didn't anyone ever teach you about the birds and the bees? There are two sides here, and you're missing the most important one."

"Teach me, o wise Yoda."

Kelly sighed, "This is totally embarrassing. Ok ok…"

10 minutes later, after about thirty surprised facial expressions from Jenny, she finally got it.

"So, lemme get this straight. I'm supposed to turn him on, and then he's supposed to… Are you sure? This sounds like something outta Tales from the Crypt!"

"I'm 100% sure."

"Ok, when he was chasing me… That meant he…O God, I nearly got skewered by a metric meter!"

Someone walking towards them caught there attention. He had a trench coat on, and radiated sexy psychopath out of every orifice.

"Whoa, who's the hunk of damn?"

Kelly rubbed her eyes in disbelief, "Holy God sitting on a totem pole. T-that's Aoshi! And he's walking over here!"

"I have no idea why though. He knows that I love Saito and Saito only."

Kelly glared at her.

Saito jogged from the house and talked to Aoshi for a second. All the while, Saito was looking at Aoshi like he was a pansy.

"What's going on?" asked Jenny.

Kelly ran forward, ducking behind any object in their path, "Secret Agent Kelly, Secret Agent Kelly, they've given her an Aoshi, and taken away her name…"

"Kelly!" yelled Saito, "Get up! I can see you trying to hide behind that flower. Now where were we Shinomori?"

"If it wouldn't be too much of a burden, we were wondering if we could stay here while the Aoiya gets repaired. Normally I'd ask the Battousai, but they seem to have had enough houseguests already."

Kelly tried to count the number of words that Aoshi rattled off, but for some odd reason had to stop at ten.

"I've also had my share," he looked evilly at Jenny in the distance and then at Kelly, who was gazing up at Aoshi with puppy eyes, "But Tokio and I wouldn't mind at all. Please come as soon as you can."