Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 10

Kelly suddenly jumped up. "Howld on dawg. I fought tfhis was s'posed ta be a pwivate me & Aowshi woom. Ya'll gonna have ta go on."

"Ah, vous don't appreziate my cabaret? Well, fuck you then!" Jenny said, looking angrier than a hobo whose newspapers were stolen. "You sonsabitches!" she said for pretty much no reason, shaking her fist.

"Wokay. Swaito, cwan we gwet a damn dwoctow in this bitchhshs?" Kelly asked, drooling and bleeding all over the damn place.

"Please," Aoshi said, with more attitude than a barrel of Barbara Streisands.

The next day…

Kelly stood in front of Aoshi's bedroom door, tapping her foot impatiently and looking at her watch. "Damn tired ass bastard."

Aoshi finally opened the door, looking completely disgusted. "What do you want now?"

"I want a damn apology, you filthy, no good, Osama bin Laden face, tongue chewin' ass bastard!"

"Excuse me? You want me to apologize to you? Who stuck their tongue down whose throat?"

"What the hell. Normally I'd like hearing you say more than 2 words, but not when you get a goddamn attitude."

Aoshi pushed past Kelly and made his way to breakfast, mumbling something about Hannya.

Jenny tumbled sleepily out of a closet, "Man, I'm so tired. I had to try and stop Saito and Tokio from getting it on next-door. I was pounding on that bastard wall all night. Looks like my cabaret performance almost gave Tokio some tender lovin' care. Damn him. That was my erection! I earned it! I bet he wasted it jerking off all night."

Someone coughed behind her, "Goodmorning," Saito looked evilly down at Jenny, "Because of you, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I also didn't get… Well, nevermind."

Kelly snorted, "Yeah right, I heard you in the bathroom. Damn two hours. I never saw you as the type to masturbate like a fiend."

"Y-you wasted it then! You sick sick SICK man! Lemme see that hand," Jenny grabbed his hand and began to stroke it like a pet, "Oho, my pretty. More where that came from. Plenty more. Woo hoo! Saito! Calm down you animal! You're going to sprain something!" She watched his groin intently.

Saito snatched his hand back, "Enough already. This is it. I've had enough!"

"Did I give you blueballs? O my God! I'm so sorry!"

He gave her an evil look and stomped away.

"Ahhh, Aoshi-sama… He almost ate my tongue," said Kelly, dreaming of the beautiful night, "I wish he'd eat something else… Ohohohohohohohhoho!"

Jenny crawled away, following Saito into his bedroom like some sort of demented smelling hound.

Suddenly the air filled with ass and crayon smell, "What the hell were you doing last night to Aoshi-sama!" Misao stood in front of Kelly, looking like something out of Sesame Street.

"We had wild animal sex on your bed," replied Kelly, trying to connect the dots on Misao's chubby crayon marked face.

"Well, stay the hell away from him! He's mine!" Misao pushed Kelly against a wall, looking like a shim.

"You needs to be taking those damn grubby hands offa me," warned Kelly, giving her a `Bernie Mac' look, complete with wandering eyes, "Don't make me throw you in a pile of shit again, cuz I heard Jiya just get off the can."

Without warning, Misao tossed her huggies brand diaper in Kelly's face, blinding her, "KEEEEEEEEEEICHOOOOOOO KICK!" Instead of Kelly, she ended up kicking Tokio dead in her underworked jaw. She collapsed in a heap of whore on the ground.

"O my God Misao!" shouted Kelly loud enough for the entire household to hear, "You killed Saito's wife!"

"What?!" came the distant roar of Saito. He ran out of his room, half naked with Jenny clinging to his back like a leach, "Tokio!! What happened?!"

But no reply came, cuz her ass was dead to the world.

"Misao drop kicked her in the face," cried Kelly, pointing, "Then she called your privates shriveled and nasty!"

Jenny gave Misao a crazy look, "Believe me, there's nothing shriveled or nasty about that area on Saito-san. It's like a garden hose; it keeps going and going and going…"

"Shut up Jenny." Saito bent over to pick his wife up, who had a size 2 and a half shoe print on her hairy face.

Aoshi walked up next. "What's all the hullabaloo?"

The entire house went quiet. Nothing but the birds and crickets could be heard.

"Ummm…right…" Kelly said.

Meanwhile, Jiya was looking over Tokio. "She'll probably be out for at least a day. Oh, and don't go in the bathroom for 35, 45 minutes."

"Aw, let me get Tokio a pillow," Jenny said, and went to find one.

Saito was surprised. "Thank you Jenny. I appreciate that."

"No prob," Jenny said, and proceeded to suffocate the shit out of Tokio's unconscious ass.

"Jenny!" Saito shouted, "What is she doing?" The whole group jumped on Jenny, trying to stop her. Kelly, on the other hand, was trying to beat them off with one of Misao's fat school pencils.

"Back, back, back I say!" Kelly shouted, poking random people in the ass.

"I think she's almost dead!" Jenny exclaimed happily.

Kelly sat down at a desk that had magically appeared. She shuffled some papers and looked straight at the camera. "We have breaking news from Channel Sex, I mean, Six Kenshin News. In a brawl earlier today, Saito Tokio was suffocated by Jenny. According to witnesses, Tokio was being a hooker and therefore had to be euthanized. Wait, we have a live report from Saito Hajime, husband of the deceased…bitch. Saito, what can you tell us?"

"I can tell you that after I strangle Jenny I'm gonna strangle you!"

"Right. In other news, Jiya dropped some serious ass in the Saito household today. When asked about his monstrous shit, Jiya replied, `Daaaaamn, `twas a good'un.' Also today, Makimachi Misao finally passed kindergarten and sprouted her first breast. `Pop,' the breast was quoted as saying. In the world of entertainment today, Kelly became the youngest female to ever have sex with an anime character. Uh, wait, that shouldn't be in there…Uh, back to the action."

During Kelly's broadcast, Jenny had been pulled off of Tokio's body. Saito was pissed. There was no way around that. The man was gonna be pissed. He drew his sword.

"Jenny, you have defiled and disgraced my family and my house for the last FUCKING time!" Saito shouted.

"Does this mean that there's not going to be a honeymoon?" Jenny asked, hiding behind Kelly.

"NO!" he shouted again, going into gatotsu stance.

"By shit he's serious!" Jenny said, holding Kelly in front of her.

"I'll go through Kelly to get to you."

"What the shit! Jenny, let me go! I don't want to get killed here! I want to get killed in there!" Kelly said, pointing to Aoshi's crotch.

Jenny jumped out of the way and ran straight at Aoshi, snatching one of his kodachis on her way past. Well, after she grabbed something else and dragged the poor man halfway down the hall. She turned and faced Saito.

"If I win, you have to let me make ridiculously wild elephant sex to you. And if I lose…the same."

"Hmmm, provided you even live that long!" he said, and rushed at her.

Jenny closed her eyes and hoped for the best. She heard Saito getting closer and closer. "Aw, I quit," she said, and just started swinging the sword like a damn epileptic on acid. She fended him off and started stealing his damn lines.

"Ba…ttousai! Aho! Naruhodo! Sou ka! Yare, yare! Sagara Sanosuke is gay! And most importantly, Aku Soku Zan!"

"What?" Saito asked, stopping in mid-kill. "Never mind," he said, and went on with his killing.

Just before Saito killed some people, Kelly pushed the magic button.