Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 11

A bright ass somobitch light flashed and the girls were instantly transported back to borin' ol shibadoowaukee Wisconsin.

"Damn teleportation," whined Kelly, "Hurt my whole left side…"

"Eeeeeeeii!" cried Jenny, pointing, "Run! Some things came with us this time!"

"What the hell is going on?" Saito dropped his sword and looked around at the strange room he was in, "Why are all the desks and beds so high?"

Behind Saito's fine ass, something lie on the bed.

"Oh my good God," screamed Kelly, "Aoshi is on my bed! Whoa, and he's looking at the poster of himself on my wall!" She ran and tore it off, storing it under her bed for safekeeping.

Jenny looked at the remote, "Shit, here we are wasting all that time in that shit world, when we could have brought them straight here. No annoying half dead Tokio's… No stanky diapered Misao's… Only Saito, my bed, and some Mr. Pibb." She looked over at Kelly, "I hope you realize that I am spending the goddamn night here."

"My parents are going to kill me…" Kelly sunk to the ground in a heap, watching Aoshi look over other paraphernalia of his ass.

"Speaking of killing," Saito growled, looking over at Jenny.

"That's it," Jenny rolled her sleeves up and punched the air a few times, "I've watched you fight enough to pick up some damn moves. Bring it on you hunk of beef!"

Before Saito could step forward to pummel her ass, someone knocked on the door, "Tsk, Kelly? Are you in there? What's all that racket? Jenny's acting like a tard again I bet."

"Shit! In the closet!" she shoved Saito and Aoshi in the closet, slamming the door behind them.

The door opened, "Are you two ok?"

"Hai!"

"What's that on the floor?!" Kelly's mom pointed to the katana lying in the middle of the room.

"Oh Mrs. Kelly's mom! Look at me!" Jenny picked the sword up and swung it a few times, "I'm a Jedi knight!"

"Uh-huh. Anyways, your dad and I are going up north for a few days remember?"

Before Kelly could answer, a `chk' was heard in the closet, followed by a light.

"Kelly, what was that in your closet?"

"Um, what was what?"

"That noise. It sounded like a match. Are you smoking?"

"Am I in the closet?"

"Whatever, just don't get into any trouble, okay?" Kelly's mom said, and walked out. Kelly closed and locked the door behind her.

Saito and Aoshi came out of the closet. Kelly whapped Saito upside the head.

"What the fuck was that shit? You damn near got us busted ya damn tard!"

"You live with your parents?" Saito said, laughing.

"Ah, shaddup, if you lived in this world, you'd live with your parents too. Jenny, what are you doing?"

"Huh? N-nothing, just putting some stuff away."

"I saw some of the stuff. It was a naked picture of you, Saito," Aoshi said.

"It was not."

Saito bent over and tipped the box over, spilling the tapestry, Jenny's aku soku zan draws, posters, artbooks, naked fanart, the foam hand, the Shinsengumi clothes and numerous other Saito gear.

"I was framed! None of that shit is mine!"

"You a damn liar," Kelly said, unfolding the tapestry. "Look, right here at the bottom it says `this sheeeit belongs to Jenny. Mom, do not open this.'"

Meanwhile, Aoshi and Saito were poking around at Kelly's various electrical appliances. Aoshi pushed a button on her CD player and some Rurouni Kenshin soundtrack blasted out. Aoshi and Saito both jumped. Aoshi moved to stab the shit out of it, but Kelly jumped in front of it.

"Whoa!! Hold on, Stabby McGee. That's a 400-dollar piece of equipment you were about to mutilate. How about you don't touch anything?" Kelly said.

"How the hell did we get here anyways?" Saito asked.

"I don't know. How did we get to your world?" Jenny said, pounding away at something small and black.

"I know that ain't the PS2 remote you fuckin' up," Kelly said angrily.

"Shut up Kelly, think of the conventions we could go to with these people! Think about the anime store! Anime Guy prolly shit his damn pants."

"Hmm, yousa point is well seen. So, you guys wanna see the wonders of modern technology?" she asked and led them downstairs to the bathroom.

"This here's the potty. You do your business in that bowl, and then you hit this lever…kerfulsh!"

"Kerfulsh? Where the hell do you live, Germany? Your toilet is whack, man."

"Shaddup Jenny. This is the faucet, and this knob…hehehe knob…is cold, and this one is hot."

"And this one is just right!"

"Shaddup, Jenny. This is the shower, where we go get clean. We have to go in pairs to conserve water…"

"I got dibs on Saito as my partner!"

"Shaddup Jenny. This is the refrigerator. You can find all sorts of shit to eat in here. There's the stove, and the microwave, where you can cook the shit found in the fridge."

"You eat shit?"

"Shaddup Jenny. This is a TV, where we watch you, and anything else that happens to be on. Let's see what's on."

"Crocodile Hunter!"

"Shaddup Jenny," Kelly said, turning the channel to Animal Planet.

Aoshi and Saito sat on the couch. Kelly popped in a random Rurouni Kenshin and started to watch it.

"Now, don't crap your pants on this couch. My mom just cleaned it. Jenny, back away from the TV, your melon is blocking half of it. By the way, guys, this is where we first learned about your wonderful world of pimpass nekkid men-folk."

The volume that it happened to be was the one where Aoshi got his ass kicked the second time by Kenshin.

"Aw, why are we watching this stank ass episode. I want to watch Saito fuck up Usui."

"Shaddup Jenny."

They watched Aoshi fly through the air about a dozen times, scarred chest all hanging out, laying in a heap of loserness while three foot Kenshin towered over him. `Beshimi, Shikijo, Hyottoko, Hannya,' said TV Aoshi. A few times. No, a lot. Constantly.

Jenny, Saito, and even Kelly were rolling hard.

"Man, I really did sound like a loser," Aoshi said.

"What do you mean, `sound'? You ARE!" Saito said, laughing even harder.

"C'mon, since we embarrassed Aoshi, it's only fair to show the Rengoku episode," Kelly said.

"Nooooooo!" Jenny said, but it was too late.

Saito appeared on the screen next to Sano and Kenshin. `What about me?' TV Sano said.

`You go take a nap,' TV Saito said.

"Oh yeah, I remember saying that," real Saito said.

Kelly fast-forwarded it to the zombie part. "Ok, Saito, get ready. This shit ain't cute."

TV Saito scared one of Shishio's underlings. When the underling turned around, a big, tall, scary, pale man with water running down his face stood there in all his zombierific glory.

"Oh, that's terrible!" Jenny said, closing her eyes.

Saito winced. "What the hell happened there?"

"Let's see that again!" Kelly said, with a wink at Aoshi. She rewound the tape and played it again in slow motion.

"Holy moly flagin lagin!" Jenny bust out for no reason. "Kelly, let's take these guys on a tour, ok?"

"Tour of what? In this shit city?"

"I dunno, just an excuse to get them into an enclosed space. You can drive!"

"Well, that's not fun. But, since they haven't seen a car, I'll do it."