Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 12

The four went outside and stood before Kelly's car.

"What is THAT?" said Aoshi, all monotone and shit. He drew his kodachis again, growling dangerously.

"Calm down Shinomori," said Saito, smoking a cig, "It's some sort of transportation, obviously."

"Awww, you're so smart Saito!" cried Jenny, jumping up and down in front of him, "You should go on the Weakest Link! No one would vote you off!"

"Yeah," Kelly opened the car doors and hopped in, "Cuz he'd most likely kill everyone. Ok Jenny, you get the back with Saito. Aoshi, you're in front with me."

Jenny opened her door and jumped in, calling out support to Saito, "C'mon! You can do it! That's it, a little more. Now shut the door. Woo hoo! Lemme just buckle you up. Ohohohohohoo!"

"Is she supposed to grab that while strapping this thing on me?" asked Saito, looking down.

Kelly glanced back in the mirror, her eyes bugging out, "Um, exactly. Jenny! You cannot ride on that man's lap! You have your own seatbelt, get in it."

"Awwww, man."

"C'mon Aoshi, move it or lose it." Kelly watched him sit down hesitantly. She reached over, slammed the door, buckled him up, and pinched his cheek with one smooth motion.

Aoshi's hand flew up to his cheek and looked around wildly, "What the hell was that?"

"Um, moths."

"Oh, ok."

"Jenny! Get your hand off my leg!"

"Ok Saito-chan."

"Now get it off my ass!"

"Ok Saito-chan."

"Hey! That's definitely one place I never want to see it again! Off off off!"

"Ok Saito-chan."

"Damn, are we ready yet?" Kelly glanced around, "Here we go!" She put the key into the ignition. Saito and Aoshi flattened into their seats, thinking the world was blowing up or something.

"Kelly! Stop flooring the gas pedal! Saito's scared!" whined Jenny, waving her arms around.

"Hehe, just checking to see that they're awake. Ok, where to?"

"I want to go home!" said Aoshi.

"Um, let's go to the anime store. Scare some folk," suggested Jenny, eyes glued to Saito.

"Ok," Kelly pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street, driving like a nut.

"They actually trust youths like you with these machines?" asked Saito.

"Hell yeah!" Kelly turned the corner sharply, the wheels squealing away. Aoshi held on to his seat, making his knuckles go white.

"There it is!" yelled Jenny, face all smashed up on Saito's window, "Yay yay yay!"

One block later, they were at the store. Kelly ushered everyone out of the car and began to straighten Aoshi's clothes and hair. "Ok, look crazy. Act like you normally would when about ready to kill some folk."

"Like this?" Aoshi's eyes glazed over and he started to mumble something about his dead men.

"Wonderful!" Kelly clapped.

"Now Saito, I just want you to be yourself," said Jenny, walking around him and smoothing his clothes, "But you can't smoke. And you have to keep your hand here."

"But that's your ass. In your dreams." He walked forward, and into the store, Jenny running behind him.

Kelly dragged Aoshi forward. He was scared of the neon lights in the window.

The man behind the counter, whom the girls call Anime Guy, turned when his door opened. At first, he only saw Jenny, "Oh, hello."

"Hi!" Jenny pulled Saito into the store, "He's just a little shy. It's his first time here in our world. Saito was dragged into view, Aoshi and Kelly soon following.

Anime Guy just looked at them like the ape he was.

"Damn monkey. Wouldn't know an anime character if it went down on him," Jenny said disgustedly.

However, the big fat guy was there, and he knew who Saito and Aoshi were.

"Whoa, cool costumes guys! You're from Rurouni Kenshin right? Saito and Aoshi or something? Hey, Tenchi rocks! Ooo, Dragon Ball Z is on!"

"What? Oi, I swear that man gets geekier every time I come in here," Kelly said.

Meanwhile, Saito and Aoshi were busy touching everything.

"Hey, guys, be careful. I'm broke, and I don't wanna have to be payin' for shit you broke," Jenny said, walking past Saito, who was looking at the DVD case. As she walked by, she reached around and got a handful of crotch.

Saito jumped. "One more time, and I swear..." he growled, reaching for his sword. Unfortunately, it was still back at Kelly's crib. Jenny stuck out her tongue.

"Don't make me call Aoshi over here," Saito said, gesturing to Jenny's giraffe tongue. Jenny sucked her tongue back in with the quickness.

"Now where to, Jenny?" Kelly asked, trying to keep Aoshi from stabbing the shit out of the neon lights.

"Let's go to the other anime store! They'll be surprised to see them!"

"Are you sure about that, Jenny? I mean, last time I went you know what happened."

"No, what happened?"

"Aw, c'mon, don't make me say it."

"What happened?"

"I almost got into two accidents and I got lost on the way home. Almost ended up in the ghetto."

"Dude, Kelly, you LIVE in the ghetto."

"Well, I know, but I mean in the WAY ghetto." Kelly said, shrugging. "Ok guys, let's go," she said, herding the menfolk back into the car.

"Wait," Saito said. "Let me sit in front this time. My legs are too long to fit back here."

"Sorry, Saito san. Sit behind me and I'll scoot my seat up a bit."

"Hey, you can't order my Saito-chan around, you two-bit hussy!" Jenny shouted.

"Shaddup, Jenny. If he sits in front, where's Aoshi gonna sit?"

"In the back, duh."

"With you? Na-uh. I think not. And don't even think it. You are not driving my car!"

"Man, it's your mom's car!"

"So! I'm drivin' it!"

"Ladies, can we just go? I don't really care where I sit," Saito said, holding his forehead.

"Good sport, Saito. Ooo, and we've been upgraded from immature beasts to ladies? Cool."

"Immature beast?" Saito said, looking around nervously.

"Yeah I heard that. When you were hiding in the closet. And smoking."

"Anyways," Jenny said, "let's go."

So the four of them piled into the cramped '96 Chevy Lumina once again. Kelly was actually tempted to let Jenny drive, since that would leave her hands free to fondle Aoshi while the poor man had nowhere to run. But then she thought that Jenny and cars don't mix. Still, Kelly drove one handed most of the way, her right hand traveling up and down Aoshi's left leg. He was bravely trying to ignore it, but gradually Kelly's roving hand got a little too close to the goods.

"Ahem."

"What, Aoshi? Need something to drink?"

"No, but I need you to move that hand."

"Aw, be a pal," Kelly whined, moving her hand in slow circles.

Aoshi groaned. "Enough. You want to lose that hand?"

"Hmmm, lemme think about that for sec. Jenny, what do you think? Jenny? Jenny!"

Jenny's head popped up from between Saito's legs, hair all disheveled. Saito raised his eyes heavenward.

"Dammit, Kelly, you interrupted me. I was just about to have my way with Saito!"

"What!? Hey, I don't want any...manly juices...in this car. Keep your mouth off of Saito for a while. Hands are a different story. Just keep Saito's stuff in his pants, ok?"

"Always been rainin' on people's parade...hehe, raaaain" Jenny muttered.

"Thank you Kelly," Saito said.

"For what? Oh, I only care about the car getting nasty. But if you and Jenny want to get nasty when we get back to my house, that's another story."

The car finally pulled up at the other anime store and the four of them got out and went inside.

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of Saito-fashion rum!" Jenny hollered for pretty much no reason.

The guy behind the counter looked up. "H-holy shit! You guys look JUST like them! Hey check this out!" he called to his friend.

Soon there was a whole pile of anime lovers swarming around Aoshi and Saito. "Can I have your autograph?" and "Will you say 'aku soku zan' for me?" were common questions.

After a while though, Saito and Aoshi were tired and wanted to go home, so they all piled back into the car and drove back to Kelly's house.

"Umm, Kell, could you do me a favor? Take me back to my house so I can get some clothes and shit so I can spend the night...or a few nights?"

"I guess. Aoshi and Saito can stay here." She whistled at the men, who were watching pay per view porn. "What the...fuck are you watching! Turn that shit off! There will be no porn in this house, unless initiated by Jenny or myself. O yeah, I'm taking Jenny home for a sec, but we'll be back. Don't touch anything. If you her something ringing, it's the phone. Don't pick it up. Don't answer the door. Don't start anything on fire. As a matter of fact, don't leave this room. Now, I know that we done fucked up your houses plenty of times, but there's a lot more shit around here that you could hurt yourselves on. Like getting electrocuted or some garbage. So just sit there and don't move! And Jenny!"

"Huh?"

"Don't call me 'Kell'."