Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 13

"Ohyeah."

The two took off, but not before sealing off every possible exit with caulk. Kelly dusted her hands off, "Man, these mutha fuckas ain't getting outta here. Even Santa would have a hard time squeezing his fat white ass into this crib."

The two opened the front door to leave, "Saito! No yaoi!" yelled Jenny, ignoring his evil stare.

5 minutes later

Kelly pulled up in front of Jenny's Christmas-light-twinkly-shack-o-love.

"You comin' in?" asked Jenny, getting out into the ghetto, trying to duck some major drive-bys.

"Um yeah," Kelly looked at her crazy, "Have you seen your neighborhood lately? I half expect George Foremen to jump out that ditch and do some serious KO boxing on my white ass."

"Damn, ok ok. C'mon into my scary ass world then," said Jenny walking inside, "Hey dad. Dad! Put some pants on! Walkin' around in your damn draws. Looks like Penguin's ass or some shit. Sag-a-laggage. Kelly, just look at the floor, look at the floor man."

They somehow maneuvered through the kitchen, and then downstairs into Jenny's domain: The Basement.

"Well, at least you know you belong down here, ya damn gargoyle," said Kelly, looking through Jenny's DVD collection, "I mean, think about it. They kept Sloth's candy corn shaped headed ass in a basement. Of course he was chained to the wall." She glanced over at Jenny, who was tossing clothes, amongst other crap, into a duffle bag, "Um, what's with all the duct tape, ace bandage rolls, and, hey! Is that a roll of copper chain?! They sell that at Hardware Hanks! Why do you need that for?"

Jenny tossed in a pair of handcuffs, a bottle of hand lotion, and a blindfold, "Huh? What do you mean? I always take this kind of stuff to your house!"

"Um, no you don't."

"Yeah? So what?"

"You're planning on tying Saito up and having your way with him, you sick little bitch."

"Yeah? So what?"

Kelly sighed, "Never mind. Are you ready yet?"

Jenny heaved the loaded sack onto her back, "Yep. And ignore the clanking sounds. There's a lot of metal in here." She gave it a shake and the sack started to vibrate.

"Aside from the metal in your head? Gorilla the Hun lookin' ass," Kelly stomped upstairs and bumped right into Jenny's mom.

"Hi Kelly Kelly! What are you two up to?" She smiled happily, like an elf that snatched that last Andes Candy.

"Mom, I'll be spending the night at Kelly's. We're going to be getting some cock from fictional characters. Don't wait up for me. O, and if McDonald's calls, you know the drill. We're Norwegian Elk buffers, and you don't know no fucking Ronald."

"Right on holmes," said Jenny's mom, giving them a peace sign, "Peace out niggas!"

"Rrrrright," Kelly said, running the hell out of the house from hell and jumping into the car. Jenny tossed her crap at Kelly.

"No nononono," said Kelly, shooting the bag back, "You put your own shit in the back. I am not a skycap. And don't you even dare touch my goddamn radio."

"Damn Chris Tucker rip-off," Jenny muttered, shooting her bag in the trunk. They took off, Kelly tearing up some major concrete with her driving skills, not to mention some major pedestrians.

5 more mutha fuckin' minutes later

Kelly pulled to a stop in front of her house. She opened her door and jumped out, "What the hell! Every damn light is on! The house looks like ET's ass!"

They both ran into the house, only to find Aoshi staring at a light bulb, and Saito playing with a switch.

"The hell are you two doin'?" cried Kelly, turning some lamps off, "Didn't I tell ya to not touch a damn thing. Didn't I tell ya?"

"Most intriguing," Saito rubbed his chin, watching some Christmas lights.

"These guys are nuts," said Jenny, dropping her heavy ass bag on the couch, "You introduce them to a little civilization, and they go hackey sack on us!"

"Yeesh," Kelly put her hands on her hips, "C'mon guys. It's late. Let's map out where we'll be sleeping."

"I know where I'm sleeping," said Jenny shiftily, glancing at Saito and then at her bag of tricks.

"I don't think so," said Saito.

"Kelly! He said that he doesn't think so!" whined Jenny, pulling on her sleeve, "Make him screw me! Make him screw me!"

"Shaddup Jenny."

"Aw, man."

"Ok, here's the plan," Kelly paced back and forth, like some sort of drill Sergeant, "Saito, you will be stationed in the computer room with Jenny. Aoshi, you and your 5 yards will be upstairs in my room with me. Let me make myself clear: Jenny, I don't want to wake up to the sounds of you two getting it on. So keep it quiet. If you're going to do him in the shower, please for the love of God use the do not disturb sign. Please?"

Jenny raised her hand, "Um, what about the kitchen table?"

"Lord no! Is you crazy!" shouted Kelly. She coughed and then became calm again, "No, that is where we eat. Any other questions?"

"I have one," Saito raised his hand.

"O boy, here we go."

"Ahem, what if we have… worries about our current positions…" He looked uneasily at Jenny, who was snapping a length of ace bandage and trying on a leather glove, "Let me rephrase that. Absolute worries."

"I don't give a fuhck Sir!" Kelly saluted and marched off upstairs, draggin' her Aoshi behind her.

"Hey! I told you to stop grabbing that! It's sensitive!"

"Ahh, sorry Aoshi-sama."

Their voices trailed off and Jenny and Saito stood in the living room, in total silence.

Jenny looked at him from the corner of her eye, and he turned and looked at her, raising an eyebrow, "Um… be right back." She ran upstairs into Kelly's room, "Keeeeelly! I need help!" Jenny suddenly froze where she stood, "AAAAAAAHHH!! What are you doing to Aoshi!?"

"Please help me," mouthed Aoshi, looking close to tears.

Kelly looked up from the small tub she had made him sit in, "I'm giving him a sponge bath dammit." She wiped her brow, "And lemme tell you, I'm feeling a bit like Aunt Jemima up in here." She cast a wary eye at his enormous condom mutilator, "Now what the hell do you want?"

Jenny looked down, embarrassed, "I, um, and yeah, Saito, and hmm… you know. He's there, and I'm there…and the silence…and I don't want another tub incident…and…yeah. Scary!"

Kelly looked at Jenny like she had Hershey's Kisses floating around her head, "Are you stupid? The man of your dreams is downstairs. Go and do him like a yak in heat!"

"I am not a yak in heat! What's with you and yaks anyways? You got a secret fetish I should know about?"

Kelly looked down and blushed. "Ummm, no?"

"Nasty! Well, c'mon Saito let's go fuck like yaks in heat!"

"Rrrright. Ok, Aoshi let's go," Kelly said, and dragged him away again.

Meanwhile back in Rurouni Kenshin land…

"Where is my Aoshi-sama?!" Misao shouted, shaking the holy bastard out of Kenshin.

"Ororororororororororo!" said Kenshin.

"And Saito is missing too," Tokio said.

"He is?" Kaoru asked.

"Yes. Usually he'd leave a note. Or tell me. Or ask me for permission to leave my sight!"

"Ah, Tokio-san…Saito does all that for you?" Kenshin asked.

"Of course. He's whipped. Wpsht!"

Meanwhile back in Kelly's house…

Saito sneezed violently, right in Jenny's face.

"Ew, you goobed on me! Do it again!"

"Tokio must be wondering where I am by now."

"So? I said it before and I'll say it again, I don't give a bullsheeit about Tokio! Now, let's get back to our loving session!"

6 hours later…

"Ugh, Jenny, I don't know about you, but my right arm is so sore, I can't wipe my own ass!"

"Ew, what were you and Aoshi doing last night?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. Anyways, how about you? What'd you and Saito do last night?"

Jenny blushed. "He goobed all over me."

"Hell naw! I couldn't get Aoshi to go that far!"

"No, not that, you nasty somomabitch! He sneezed on me!"

"Oooohhh."

"Really? You couldn't get Aoshi to splooge?"

"Aw, c'mon I don't want to get into gory details with you. You'll probably steal my ideas."

"Hehehe, damn right."