Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 16

Jenny rolled over, yawned, and tried to grab Saito's crotch. Unfortunately, that crotch had somehow gotten away from her.

She completely awoke when she felt something long and hard jabbing her in the ass.

"Damn, dawg, I don't do doggy style, ya know!" Jenny shouted.

"Ew! Get your gutter-thinkin' ass up and help round up the men folk. They ran away when you keeled over!" Kelly said, thwacking Jenny one more time for good measure.

"Your house ain't that big. Where could they have gotten to?"

The two girls just looked at each other.

Suddenly, they heard a deep sexy voice start talkin' ghetto.

"Aw, shitty, holmes, we gotta get some coochie up in hea'!"

"Yeah, cuz it's all about tha bling bling."

Jenny and Kelly burst onto the scene, and saw Saito and Aoshi engrossed in a TV show.

"Maaan, I got tha munchies like a mutha fucka up in hea'. I gotta get mah eat on!" Aoshi said as Kelly's jaw dropped in complete horror.

"Holy Hungarian ass raper!" Jenny shouted. The she cracked up.

"Ay! This shit ain't funny, holmes," Kelly said to her hysterical friend.

"He sounds like a damn retard!" Jenny said, her bowling ball head swinging side to side like some deranged giant ass pendulum.

Kelly pushed Jenny outta the way. "What channel are you watching?" she asked, looking at the cable box. "20? Gotdamn, that's BET no wonder he's talkin' like a brother!"

Jenny laughed harder.

"What you laughin' fo'? I don't see nothing funny about this shit hea'. You betta go'on wit dat!" Saito said as his head got to shaking.

"Oh no! Saito's turned into a black woman!" Jenny screeched.

"Excuse me? Oh no you don't. You don't play with me. I am not no candy bar. You don't play with me. I am not no Snicker bar, no 5th Avenue, no Peanut Chew, not no Almond Joy; sometimes you feel like a nut, well dammit right now I don't. Ain't nothin' two sticks of Twix cain't fix, bullshit!"

Jenny and Kelly just stood there during Saito's tirade.

"You been watching too much Tommy Davidson. This shit has gotta stop!" Kelly said, and turned off the TV.

"Man, foo', I was just getting into that shit," Aoshi complained.

"Shut up and snap out of it!" Kelly shouted desperately.

"Yeah, I want to make wild elephant sex with you *because* you're a fine ass Japanese man that knows nothing about Western culture! I don't want no jive talkin' moron!" Jenny said, and whapped Saito upside the head a few times with a pillow.

"Huh, what? I just had a weird dream that I was a loud dark skinned man with a wandering eye named Bernie," Saito said, shaking his head.

Kelly took the same pillow and whacked Aoshi.

"Strange, I had a dream where I was also a dark skinned man, except he was heavy and was named Cedric."

"Ya'll got into my Original Kings of Comedy tape, didn't you?" Kelly said.

"Anyways, how about we get back to that game of strip poker?" Jenny said.

"Damn," Saito muttered.

The four of them sat down at the table.

"Here's how to play. Face cards are good, aces are better. You can get two of a kind, three of a kind, and four of a kind. Then there's a full house, which is two of one kind and three of another. Then there's a flush, which is all one suit. Then there's a straight flush which is all one suit in numerical order. Then there's a royal flush which is a ten, jack, queen, king and ace of one suit. And that beats everything. Everyone got it?" Kelly asked, looking around. Saito was smoking and looking out the window, Aoshi had his head on the table, muttering something about Hyottoko, and Jenny…

"Ay, Jenny, get out from under the table and quit fondling Saito's leg!"

"Oh, that's what that was. I thought you some sort of rodent problem," Saito said.

"I do," Kelly said, as Jenny got back into her seat. "It's called Biggus Headicus Jennyus."

"Man, one more crack about my big head and there's gonna be some furniture moving around in this mutha fucka!"

"Yeah, while you're rearranging chairs, could you check under the green one? MY dad usually leaves a treasure trove of popcorn, pretzels, wallabies, cheetos, potato chips, and giraffes under there."

Jenny just gave her a cockeyed look. "Right. Well, are you gonna deal, or do I have to get rough?"

Kelly started dealing.

"What? How do you expect us to get what you said with only five cards?" Saito complained.

"Quit your bitching. That's how the game is played. You can trade in your cards. Choose wisely," Kelly said.

After about 20 minutes, they were finally ready to lay down their cards.

"I got a full house!" Jenny exclaimed, and reached to unbutton Saito's shirt.

He slapped her hand away roughly. "Cut it out."