Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 17

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

“What in the name of your ass not sowing any fuckin' wild oats around here do you mean `Cut it out'?!” Jenny jumped up, getting all up in Saito's sexy grill, “FUUUUUULL HOOOOOOOUUUSEEE. I can't enunciate any more for your ol' eastern back alley ass dammit. Full house means lose your damn shit now!”

“Saito, you agreed to play the game,” snickered Aoshi, getting all emotional in the corner.

Saito growled and then basically ripped his shirt off Incredible Hulk style, “Raaaaaaaaaaaaaarr!!!!!”

Jenny and Kelly leaned way back, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!!”

“Nigga gonna turn mean and green up in this mug! Awwww shitty!” cried Aoshi, evidently still feeling the ghetto-fied after effects of BET.

“Aoshi. Holmes. Knock that scary shiboz off already,” said Kelly, hustling her ass up some cards.

20 more minutes later, Aoshi was down to his draws. Saito was clinging on to a single sock with an ungodly vengeance, Jenny was buck-ass naked, wild, n' free, and Kelly was trying for all the love in the world to deflect the breast rays that were laser beaming their way across the table from Jenny in the Garden of Eden. [baaaaby]

“Damn, I never thought I'd be this terrible at poker!” cried Jenny, using the Joker card as a loin leaf.

“You dumbass,” Kelly shook her head sadly; “You could have used your socks and shoes as articles of clothing! But nooooo, you went straight for the big shit. This ain't no credit card! You gotta think small!”

Saito's eyes began to stray away from the flock, meandering over the nakedness that was Jenny at the moment.

“Um, excuse me? If you look at me one more time I'm gonna beat you with a bucket of KFP! Kentucky Freed Pedophiles! Damn perv up in here,” Jenny snapped, head all getting it on with the attitude.

“Sorry,” his gaze returned to his terrible hand of cards.

“This is the last round gentlemen,” Kelly said mysteriously, like an episode of Pink Panther, “Only one of you will get to be in The Chamber.” She gestured to a moldy closet with a single holy blanket on the ground, “The loser has to pick one of us fine women and then get through the seven stages of molestation that await you inside… BA BA BA BUUUUUUM… ahem… the chamber. I can tell you both this: It won't be pretty at all.”

Jenny winked at Saito, eyeballing the sock on his lap. Then for no reason she sang, “Genuuuuine Jockeeeeyyy!”

Kelly breathed deeply and then began to deal, keeping one eye closed to avoid Jenny's nipples of death. Kelly was wearing only a pair of draws, but she was kneeling on the floor, with only her head and shoulders above the table.

5 minutes later…

Both Saito and Aoshi were sweating. It was time to throw down.

“Yay! I got another full house!” Jenny shouted, jumping up and down.

“Dude, cut that shit out. No one wants to see your shabadoos hit you in the face,” Kelly said, laying down her two pair.

“B-but, Saito was looking at me!”

“Well, it's kinda hard not to, with your titty beams all up in people's grills,” Kelly said.

“Shaddup!” Jenny said, and chucked the deck of cards at Kelly.

“Beeeyatch! If I didn't want to see who lost, I'd kick your goddamn ass!”

“Oooo! C'mon, who lost?”

Both men laid down their cards.

“What the shit? What are the odds of that happening?”