Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Lost and Found ❯ Meeting is the Beginning of Parting ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin and its characters belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro, Shonen Jump, Sony, and other associated companies. This fic is not intended to make profit of any kind.

Well… here is the end. The end? I'd rather say the beginning, since there is another fic planned, which will clarify the things mentioned in this one (how Megumi ended in Aomori and not in Aizu, how she met Enishi's father, etc), and it will be also a continuation of this Blanket Scenario. For more details, read the author's notes at the bottom. Thanks.

My total and complete gratitude to MightyMightyMunson, OddDoll (from AFFnet), Naniris (from AFFnet), Yokaze Koujin (from AFFnet), Kamorgana, Mary Ann and Mara-Amber for their helpful comments and hints, as well as their INVALUABLE help in Beta-reading, editing and correcting this chapter.

Last, but not least, thanks to those who nominated Moonlight Shining Over Snow Fields for the Rurouni Kenshin Reader's Choice Awards. I'm deeply honored. *bows*

Lost and Found

Chapter 4: Au wa wakare no hajime

Meeting is the beginning of parting.

The two figures moved, with obvious exertion, through an endless sea of white. It dressed the pines, piled in heaps over the ice-covered land, becoming to the snowbound couple an omnipresent and unwelcome companion.

There was an eerie, deadly quality to that blanched landscape, the silence rarely broken by the swirls of the wind, now calm, passing through the frozen branches and consequently, shaking the icy powder out of them.

A sort of silent struggle was raging on between the frosty desert and the two solitary creatures who dared to defy it: while one tried hard to swallow the fragile mortals, they faced down the icy elements, striving to find their path to safety and life.

Enishi stopped and turned, waiting for his companion. He was walking a few paces ahead, scouting the field in search of hostile predators that might be alerted by the strong odor of the furs, the heavy shotgun he took from the hunter's cabin ready to face any potential danger. He had insisted that Megumi should take his own pistol, just in case a new attack from a pack of wolves separated them. She had accepted, albeit reluctantly.

The snow reached to their knees, and each step was a small victory, for both of them, but in her case, he could say with absolute certitude that it was even more troublesome. While he led the way, making a pathway easier to follow for her, her clothes greatly hindered her walking.

He had convinced her to wear a pair of thick slacks, 'borrowed' from the hunter's cabin, over her cotton suteteko[i] and beneath her kimono, shortened to mid thigh to favor her movements, yet it hadn't been enough. On top of it, she had been forced to dress in the bear fur, clumsily wrapped around her, instead of her still drenched douchuugi, and that limited her movements even more.

He sighed in frustration. Finding the way back now seemed an almost impossible feat and he started to wonder whether it would not have been wiser to stay in the cabin. At least, there was food for several days, and it was likely that the owner would show up, and be willing to accept there offers of reparation against the damages to his furs and the costs of the provisions they had taken. Besides, that would have given the hunter a good reason to show them the way back to the town.

However she had insisted to at least try to go back to the village. And after what had happened the previous night, he wasn't inclined to discuss with her about the wisdom of the trip.

In fact, he wasn't inclined to discuss anything with her. And Megumi seemed to share the feeling.

As was expected, the awakening had been quite awkward, with both still holding each other. After a few moments of mutual confusion and embarrassment, she had let go of him first. Megumi had looked horribly uncomfortable, not that he had been in better shape, and thus he had taken the chance to get up and dress, to check outside, trying to ease the tension.

He had had the urge to try to figure out what to say or do, and leaving the cabin had provided him with a good excuse to clear up his mind. Or so he had thought, because after a good ten minutes or so, he had entered the hut again, as much at loss as he had left it. However, she had made the choice for him. By the time he had gone back inside, she was also fully clothed, and had prepared something to eat. Then she had behaved as if nothing had happened, so he had decided to follow the trend, at least until he got things straight in his mind.

During the quick breakfast, he had briefed her about the difficult situation they'd face if they decided to go back. Megumi had stated in the clearest terms possible that she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, no matter that he thought it was suicidal. As things were, he had the impression that if he had not agreed then, she would have gone on her own anyway.

She had counted on the usual rescue patrols to come into the area, though he was rather skeptical. They were too far into the woods, and the main road was nowhere on sight, if he recalled well the time it took to him to reach the hut.

The arrangements had been made in tense silence, and he found himself lost in thought soon enough.

An invisible barrier was now firmly entrenched between them. It had always been there, except for the past night, and he wondered why he was surprised. He had known from the beginning that everything would be back to how it was before. No matter how good it had felt; their intimacy had been a dream. And dreams always came to an end.

In a way, he understood Megumi; he couldn't put the blame on her shoulders. Both had been desperately hungry for affection, and things had spiraled out of control much too fast. Though he was aware that she had accepted it (or more properly, she had *welcomed* it) and enjoyed the experience, a little voice in the back of his mind had alerted him that she would regret it all later.

Of course, as there were no attachments of any kind between them, like love or even lust, just mere solitude, it was possible that she considered the whole experience as an undesirable lapse in her good reasoning.

Honestly, in terms of what they had shared, he did not regret the events of the past night one bit. Both had needed closeness, that much was clear, but he wondered whether she had not felt pushed by his own attitude, overwhelmed by the fast pace the events took. After all, he was conscious that his own raw need for contact had taken the priority over any sensible reasoning, making him not give a damn about the consequences, and possibly wrapping her in his own impulsiveness.

Images of the previous night crossed his mind. Her shyness in the beginning, the softness of her yielding body, the eagerness of her hold on him later, looking for company and relief from her pain…Shaking his head, he stopped this train of thought. He knew that the memories would cling to him as a blessing and a curse at the same time. He had felt alive again that night, but he knew that all he would ever have would be just those reminiscences.

She was so obviously inexperienced… She had never had a say about what happened to her before, men had treated her like an object, and there was a clear chance that she didn't know how to deal with it when she had been offered a choice. Maybe she had just been confused, wanting intimacy with someone else, but not in this way, and in the heat of the moment, she just didn't realize what was happening. Or that her refusal would have caused his rejection and after living in solitude for a long time…he could understand the feeling… If it were the case, then he would have unwittingly taken advantage of her emotional weakness.

Fuck! I have royally screwed it up again, Enishi thought, regretful.

Befuddled, he realized suddenly that he cared what she might think.

I'm turning into a sensitive moron… It must be the influence of my old man. If I'm not careful, the next time I wake up, I'll be doing her laundry..., he scolded himself, to wash away the uncomfortable feeling of loss that had started to build up inside of him. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't erase it, as much as a certain indefinable sense of uneasiness.

Little by little, he started to have second thoughts about it all. Not for him, hell, he hadn't felt so well and alive in years. However, last night's 'slip' would complicate things unbearably. She was right in something she had said: things would never be the same again between the two, now that they had seen into the other's vulnerable soul, now that they had touched their mutual pain.

What was I thinking?

He gritted his teeth, furious at himself, and kept waiting for her, wondering how in Hell would they face each other during the time they'd be forced to stay together, until the unavoidable demise of his father. For a brief moment, dying in that place didn't sound that awful anymore.

Enishi gave a brief glance to her advancing figure. She was looking straight ahead, obviously as tense as he was.

If only he had had a little bit more of brains instead of falling for his moronic hormones…

But how could I resist?

No, he would not have been able - Megumi , the affection and emotional connection she had offered had been a temptation he could not let pass. She had been a safe haven to get temporarily out of his miserable loneliness and a Heaven of joy and pleasure at the same time.

And from now on, she will be forbidden territory.

The crispy air of morning almost burned his lungs. He exhaled in clouds of white foggy breath, each one marking an excruciating stab in his chest. But he welcomed the pain, as it wasn't as scorching as the absolute feeling of self-loathing that was invading him.

As soon as she was at close range, he started to move forward again, avoiding crossing stares with her.

A rebellious feeling was arising in him. He didn't want it to end like this. Yet, he knew firsthand that life wasn't always fair.

But then again, nothing ever is.

<<<O>>>

She could not look him straight in the eye.

What had she been thinking? No, better yet, what had they been thinking? How could she have lost her good judgment like this? What had she done?

Megumi still could not believe what had transpired during the night. Worse yet, how eager she had been that it indeed had happened. Her need for human contact had badly tricked her.

One thing was certain, she could not run and hide, as much as she wanted to. She had to bear the burden of her lack of brains and act as professional as possible for his father's sake.

She stole a swift glance at him. What would he think of her now? He was a judgmental man; he had always been, though he had shown signs of having grown up over that part of his nature.

A tinge of red crept to her cheeks as she recalled the previous night's events. Their encounter's memories now brought also more questions as well. Would he think that her behavior had been promiscuous, because she had allowed that brief transgression of the established boundaries, because she had allowed him to have sex with her, no feelings attached? Come to think of it, the idea wasn't that farfetched. Considering the idealized image he had of his sister, he had a very traditional concept about how women should behave.

However, he hadn't treated her like a man with such thoughts would.

No…he has behaved really nicely…

Megumi shuddered, remembering other men, less kind, before raising her head again, watching him briefly.

His attitude during the whole affair, caring, even gentle, made crystal clear that he hadn't used her. That was a fact. He had looked afterward the same she had, and his vulnerability had been obvious. Stealing a new quick glance at him, she unwittingly blushed, so she dropped her head, letting her hair hid her face.

In fact, I never thought him capable of such delicacy and tenderness, Megumi reflected, some scenes of their encounter replaying in the back of her mind, making her feel the heat rise on her cheeks. When he had kissed her scars so gently, she felt she would melt. A shiver ran through her spine, and she could almost feel the silky touch of his fingertips over her body, the soft kisses, and the clarity of his gaze.

But the morning brought them back to reality.

When she had awakened, still enveloped by his arms, she had barely managed to avoid pushing him off her. It had been pure instinct, because he had never done anything threatening or harmful to her. However, it was obvious that he also felt ill-at-ease, and as soon as he could, he found an excuse to leave the cabin.

Megumi had spent the following minutes trying to hastily clean herself, and dressing as fast as she could. Half of the clothes hadn't dried enough to be used, nor she had any footwear, hers lost down the stream she had fallen into. This was a serious problem, but at that moment, her mind had been too occupied to even care.

Meanwhile, the wheels in her head had been running wildly, trying hard to figure out what to do when he came back.

She remembered herself moving inside the hut, trembling, more out of her nervousness than from the cold, warming some remnants of their dinner, making some tea[ii], and sitting down. All the while she tried to get a grip on herself to face him.

When he had returned, she had chosen the safest course of action: she had simply tried to behave as if nothing had occurred at all.

He had followed her example, and they had discussed the new choices they had ahead. Suddenly, she had felt the urge to run away as far as possible from that place. Despite his sensible advice to stay and wait for the cabin's owner, the recollection of what had happened turned the mere idea of staying together in that place alone into an unbearable thought. Finally, and without finding the resistance she had expected from him, they had agreed to try their way back to the town, or at least, to find any of the rescue patrols she knew Chief Ichimura[iii] usually organized after a big storm.

It wasn't that Enishi had lacked politeness or acted disrespectful to her in any way. Of course, as strange as it might sound after what had transpired between them the previous night, he had behaved as a perfect gentleman all the way.

He had even insisted in sharing with her part of his own clothes, drier than hers. The countless layers of padded and heavier fabrics that had protected her before her fall in the stream were still wet, rendering them ineffective against the freezing cold. He had also been very thoughtful, making an improvised coat using the bear fur instead of her now useless douchuugi, and a very rough pair of zori for her, with a smooth plank he had found inside the cabin, and a couple of leather straps he had cut. He cleverly complemented them by wrapping sable fur around her feet, imitating a sort of primitive boots, the leather on the outside. This was now helping her to avoid having her feet suffer from freezing. He made something of the sort for himself too, his boots still wet, and obviously unusable under such climate.

And so, they had at last gone outside.

A thousand grim thoughts had been plaguing her mind since then.

Megumi felt confusion and doubt eating her from the inside since the moment she had awakened that morning. What would they do now? What did she want out of the whole thing?

The doctor threw a furtive glance upon him. He had stopped a few paces ahead and was waiting for her. His bangs carefully hid his eyes, so she could not read their expression. Yet, his jaw, tightly set, spoke of the growing tension inside of him.

Just great…

She didn't know whether to be annoyed or depressed.

She wondered what was going on inside his head. Was he also confused? Or was he acting distant because of something else?

On top of having to figure out her own feelings, she had to deal with his whole attitude, which wasn't helping to clear things.

She sighed. In fact, no matter the outcome of this fateful night, she ended being the wiser and very grateful to him. He had taught her that intimacy could be truly enjoyable. And she had been very vocal about it.

Of all the worst times, it had to happen right now, she thought while she fell downwards, after stupidly tripping on the huge fur serving her as an improvised coat, the accident cutting her thoughts to focus her mind on more immediate problems.

She tried to muffle her surprised cry, but it wasn't possible and then he turned around, alarm written all over his face, coming over to her position as soon as he could. The more she tried to get up the worse it became, the weight of the fur and the way it was wrapped making her movements very difficult. Terribly embarrassed, she softly began reproach herself for being so clumsy. She didn't want to be scolded by him.

No, not after what happened.

She could take it any other day, but today… today she still was too vulnerable.

Surprise caught her when, instead of his dry remarks, she found his worried expression, and his gestures when helping her, as caring as the previous night. He was saying something while checking for any injuries, but she didn't register the words. She found no strength to refuse his assistance when she saw into his eyes the same look he had during the night.

"Megumi, are you alright?" She couldn't help but notice one detail: there was not a bit of scorn on his voice, just a tinge of concern.

I must have spaced out, she thought blushing intensely, realizing that her blatant lapse has surely elapsed more time than she had thought at first.

"Yes, I'm alright, Yukishiro-san, you don't have to worry," she said formally.

He nodded, regaining his distant mood, making her wonder if she had imagined his considerate attitude just moments before.

In and effort to ease the awkwardness, she did what she thought it was best, hurrying to walk again even when she knew it was better to be more careful, trying to beat the white trap that looked all set to finish them off.

After a few seconds, she heard him moving again, catching up with her in no time, despite the snow hindering their movements. He didn't move ahead of her as before, though; he simply remained by her side, as if fearing she could fall again, ready to grab hold of her if needed.

"Thank you," she said, keeping the tone distant and formal.

"You are welcome, sensei," he murmured, a deep frown settled now on his face.

He must be wondering how absurd all this is, after sleeping together.

And it certainly was, but how could they cope with it otherwise? What had happened had changed things irrevocably between them, yet neither of them was ready or wanted a change of status quo. They were acquaintances, friends at best, and what had happened had been just a mistake caused by loneliness; the sooner they got over it the better.

*****

The man commanding the riders' party, slim and not very tall, looked positively gloomy. In spite that his red bangs hid his eyes and his scarf covered his expression completely from view, his dark mood practically oozed out of him.

The group he was in charge of advanced slowly amid the woods; their task was necessary though this did not make it any less grim. The toll of the storm had been worse than the last one. And he still expected to add two more corpses to the count.

Only those two stubborn people would think about leaving with such storm coming over us. I should have put them both in jail, for their own good.

However, he knew he would have never done such a thing. In a way, he admired the woman doctor, so constant and dedicated to her job. It was remarkable. She reminded him of his old comrades, which in turn didn't make his train of thought less somber. Most of them had died a premature death because of their devotion to their duty.

"Chief!" The shout took him out of his dark reveries.

Another one, that's for sure.

He didn't hurry his pace. After all, the dead wouldn't go anywhere. It would be the fifth cadaver[i][iv] they'd find that day. He looked at the sky. In a few hours they'd have to head back to the town, unless they wanted to end up like the five bodies they had found, trapped and devoured by the frozen night.

When he approached the vanguard, he saw some of his men gathered, talking in whispers, and pointing towards somewhere amid the trees. As soon as he caught up with them, he saw it. A young woman, around her twenties, dressed in a kimono almost as white as the snow surrounding her and a purple shawl hanging from her arms, stood in front of them. The apparition was nearly incongruent in the middle of that frozen landscape.

"Yuki Onna[v]!"

The terrified whispers reached his ears, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes in disgust. He didn't pay attention, though, moving ahead. Though he had had his share of encounters with the supernatural back in his old days in Kyoto, this was far from being one. Though finding people alive after such a storm was a rare treat, it did happen. Surely, she was coming from any of the dispersed huts in the surroundings, maybe visiting somewhere, and since the tracks had been erased, it wasn't that strange that she could have been lost.

"Don't worry, miss. We will help you," he said

He spurred his mount and advanced towards the maiden, but instead of remaining on her place, waiting for their help or advancing towards them, she retreated.

"See, Ichimura-san? She is the Yuki Onna! She has no feet!"

"Moron! Look at your own feet: they are hidden in the snow also, and you don't look dead to me, only terminally dumb." He whacked his pathetic excuse of an aide in the head. "It's your fault, you scared her to death! She surely was terrified of a group of men pointing at her with half crazed faces. C'mon! Let's follow her before she ends as stiff as the dead guys over the sleigh[vi]!"

He raced through the woods, followed in tow by two of his aides, towards the direction the elusive female had taken when he saw two human forms walking with difficulty in the middle of the sea of snow.

"Chief!"

"Yes, I saw them," Ichimura said. "You," he barked to the man at his left, "try to find the woman, and you, follow me," the Chief ordered the other man.

The closer he got to the two, the bigger his surprise. They were none other than the doctor and the white haired son of Hiroshi-san. They had survived.

In the distance, the barking of the hounds could be heard approaching them. It was a good signal, it meant they'd get the rest of the team there soon, and he could organize things faster. He would see to leave someone in charge, and would head back to the town with the three survivors, who undoubtedly would require immediate attention.

***********

The figures approached them like ghost shadows coming out of nowhere. They were startled at first, but Megumi realized that they had been found by Ichimura's party.

A real miracle, Enishi thought

"I just cannot believe it! I've once heard someone who was very fond of gaijin quoting a saying from them: Fortune favors the fools. How true this is in your case!" the shorter man said, dismounting.

"Shut up and help the doctor," he growled.

"Why, thank you! I'm also pleased to find you alive, and don't mention itm your gratitude swells my heart so much that my chest hurtsm" the other man replied sarcastically, while he and his subordinate hurried to wrap some blankets they carried around the rescued pair.

The shorter man was fuming. So was he. He had hoped to talk to Megumi and clarify the situation before they were back at the clinic, where privacy would be impossible to attain for sure.

"No need to fret over me. I'm fine," Megumi said.

"Just mid-frozen," he snorted, and before he could even think about it, the words had slipped past his lips, out of habit, "but I guess it's nothing to be worried about. You are the doctor, after all."

He regretted them instantly, though Megumi looked unruffled by the comment, ignoring it.

Of course, we are falling back into normalcy again.

Through the haze of the tiredness that had started to creep over him, now that the first rush of adrenaline had declined after being effectively put off immediate danger, Enishi registered the rescue party's main group getting closer to their position.

"I still cannot believe you survived." The man shook his head, to signify his amazement at their utterly improbable fact. "But I'm very glad you did. I almost had to tie Hiroshi-san to the bed. He wanted to come with us. I bet you'll have quite a story to tell and entertain us with in these boring winter nights."

"The man is pushy and a fool," Enishi said, referring to his father's behavior.

"You know what they say, like father, like son," Megumi said, casually.

"Ah, I see, we must not worry about them, Chief. They are in good health. They are already bantering."

"Yeah, for one moment I was concerned," Ichimura commented.

He just glared, and Enishi guessed she sent the cops the same dirty look, because both men retreated chuckling and shaking their heads. It wasn't a secret for them (and for anyone else in Aomori, for that matter) that Megumi and he fought like cats and dogs.

When he noticed that the cops moved towards the advancing riders, with Ichimura barking orders to their men in his usual manner, he sent a glance towards Megumi, who had started shivering.

Their eyes meet for the briefest of moments. However, she found the chance to break the contact when Ichimura approached towards them, bringing a sleigh, where the corpses had been piled few moments ago. He understood. It was clear that she wanted to bury everything in a very distant corner of their memories and never talk or of think of it again. He would respect her wish. There was no need to address the issue anymore then.

"We'll give this a better use with you two, who are alive. They'll bring the corpses back using horses, and a cot, later," the policeman said, breaking his train of thoughts.

As soon as he understood the meaning of Ichimura's words, he nodded, relieved. He thought that neither of them was in any shape to ride a horse, so the sleigh ride was far more convenient for them. Despite the growing fatigue he felt, he hurried to assist Megumi to adjust to their new transport, beating Ichimura and his aides in helping her, and then he sat by her side. The other two men helped them to cover themselves with more blankets and the trip started.

A growing melancholy invaded him and he had the feeling that the lady by his side shared the mood.

It will be a long winter, and they'll have to deal with it the best they could. It didn't mean it would be easy.

He had known it from the beginning. After all, all the good things in his life were nothing but brief illusions that vanished in thin air after the first ray of sun touched them. That was his life, an endless chasing of impossibilities. It was a lonely hunt, indeed.

He buried himself inside the coverings, settling in his place, stealing a momentary glance at her in the process. Their paths were destined to run through separate courses from the beginning. But he would never forget the moment they crossed each other.

Sooner than he thought, the silhouettes of Aomori's buildings cut against the landscape. They'd soon be in the clinic, and he could almost hear his father fretting over him and the doctor, Saya and Hana running to make everything right and feeding them until they were about to burst. In brief, the same old routine they had left just a couple of days before. As if nothing had happened at all.

A full circle, he thought. Once again, we're both alone.

Everything went back to where it had started. But somehow, today he felt a little deader in the inside.

The End

Started: 26-04-2004
Finished : 4-06-2004

First revision: 10-06-2004 Second revision: 26-06-2004 Third revision: 31-07-2004 Last revision:25-08-2004

First Posted: 24-08-2004

Author's Note:

Don't kill me. This is not the end, just the BEGINNING. Remember what I said in the first chapter, this is part of a longer romance fic, where I will explain how they first met, and then, the later developments, after this Blanket Scenario. Why don't they end together now? Simple. They are not simple people, each one of them has a burden of a hard past, and also, they didn't have the most promising beginnings when they first meet during Jinchuu. In the particular universe of this series of fics, at this point of their acquaintance they had spent six month of living together in a strained and forced relationship that only happens because as a professional, she wouldn't let her feelings towards Enishi interfere with her duty towards his father's health.

So, under the circumstances, they learn to tolerate each other, but they are still charged of prejudices against the other, and it's only when they interact here, all alone, and in a very unusual circumstance, that they learn that they aren't so different, and both have scars and dark past to overcome.

But old habits die hard, they are hard to break, so between this strongly rooted routine and the confusion they feel for what has happened, they, as real people in real life, goes back to a safe territory, that is, the usual behavior. How it evolves into something else, and why… well, that's the stuff that makes the next fic plot. So I won't spoil it for you. But don't expect easy love, or fairytale romance. I try to be as realistic as possible with human relationships.

A little note. I want to point out that having sex is not tantamount to be in love, either conscious or unconsciously, at least not necessarily. Obviously, there must be a physical attraction between these two that is probably unconscious. But people have sex IRL not only because of 'eternal luuuuuv'. There is physical need, emotional vulnerability, loneliness, or a pure lapse of mind. Sex is sex, love is love, and it's wonderful if they go hand in hand. But they are also wonderful by themselves.

In the case of this pairing, it won't be developed because they had sex and they realized that they are suddenly in love. No, not at all. It will be developed through other things, smaller details that make every day's real life, and make people get together. It's the interaction, the differences and the common ground. This encounter helped like an epiphany, but not because of the physical contact, but because people who had prejudices against each other learn to see the other with the eyes of shades of gray, and not in plain white and black. Because nothing is totally evil or totally good in real life. It all depends on what side of the fence you are standing, and your circumstances in time and space. This is the lesson these two characters learned here.

I hope you follow me through the next steps in their trip. It will be full of bumps, and they'll have their own dose of adventure, too.

Take care, and all my love to all of you, those who reviewed, and those who didn't but still enjoyed the fic.