Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Grail?!? ❯ The Tale of Sir Galahad ( Chapter 7 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

A Grail?!?
A Sailor Moon/Monty Python crossover/parody... thingy.
By Jason C. Ulloa

Disclaimer thingy: Sailor Moon - not mine. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - not mine. They belong to those people/companies
to whom they belong to... or, something like that. The character, Kino Ryoku/Sailor Knight, however, is mine. All mine.
If you use him without my permission, I'll sic him, the rest of the Sailor Senshi, the Knights of Nee, and Ronald, the
Amazing Dust Bunny, after you. So, there.

Be afraid.... Be very afraid.


-------------------------------------------------


Chapter 7: The Tale of Sir Galahad


Narrator:
And now, the Tale of Sir Galahad.

{A knocking sound is suddenly heard off-screen.}

Narrator:
[Blinks] Eh? What the hell...?

{The narrator walks off-screen and answers the door, only to be knocked over by Chibiusa, who dashes by carrying a small,
thin, rectangular object tucked under one arm, then slams the door behind her and locks it.}

Narrator:
[Grumbles as she gets to her feet] Hey, you mind moving the camera?

{The Narrator, Chibiusa, and the door she had just ran through and locked all pan on-screen.}

Narrator:
Thank you. [To Chibiusa] What are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be in this fic, Chibiusa-chan.
[Notices the object under Chibiusa's arm and pales] That's not what I think it is, is it?

Chibiusa:
[Grins mischeviously as she sets the thin, rectangular object on a nearby table] Yeah. I got Jason-san's laptop!

Narrator:
[Apprehensively] Does he know you have it?

Chibiusa:
[Giggles] Not yet. I swiped it when he left to go use the bathroom. The idiot forgot to lock his shop before he
left, so I thought I'd play a little practical joke on him. Besides, it serves him right for keeping me out of this fic!

Narrator:
You know he's going to be quite incensed with you for stealing his laptop. He does all his writing on that thing.
It's pretty much his most prized possession.

Chibiusa:
[Grins widely] Yeah, isn't it great? [Boots up laptop and starts looking through his files]

Narrator:
[Flatly] Do the words 'death wish' mean anything to you, Chibiusa-chan?

Chibiusa:
[Reading aloud] Sailor Moon fics... Ranma½ fics... Evangelion fics... Tenchi Muyo fics... one Love Hina fic... one
Excel Saga fic.... Boy, this guy does a LOT of reading! No wonder he wears glasses.

Narrator:
[Laughs softly to herself] ....

Chibiusa:
[Continues her browsing] I wonder what else he has here.... Japanese dictionary program, Office 2000, DVD player....
Hmm... I wonder how big his DVD library is? Knowing him, it'd probably be all anime. [Grins wickedly] I wonder if he's got
anything naughty in here....

Narrator:
[Warningly] Chibiusa-chan....

Chibiusa:
[Sighs] I know, I know.... PG. [Looks around some more] Hey!

Narrator:
[Curious at her excited tone] What is it, Chibiusa-chan!

Chibiusa:
[Excitedly] He has Unreal Tournament loaded on his laptop! I wanna play!

Narrator:
[Facefaults] ....

{As the narrator recovers from her impromptu floor-facial, Chibiusa had already logged on and started the first game.}

Chibiusa:
[Laughing maniacally as her player kills one player after another] Hahaha! Take that!! And that!!! Oh, yeah!!!

Game:
[As Chibiusa's player guns down her fifth target] Killing spree!

Chibiusa:
[Still laughing maniacally] Bow before my greatness! None can defeat the great Tsukino Chibiusa!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Narrator:
[Very, very, oh-my-god big sweatdrop] ....

{As Chibiusa takes down her twentieth target, the game stops and she squeals in delight as she relishes her perfect game.
Meanwhile, the scene cuts to another room where a young man shrugs to himself.}

Young man:
[Leans back in his chair] Not too bad. First time I've ever seen someone win with a perfect. But next game, you're
mine....

{The scene cuts to another room where a second young man frowns with slight irritation.}

Another young man:
[Frowns] I almost won that time! Damn.... Next game, then....

{The scene cuts to yet another room where a third young man is grinding his teeth angrily.}

Yet another young man:
[Scowls] Perfect?!? How the hell did THAT happen!!! [Grumbles in a near whisper] Who is this "Small_Lady" anyway?

{Back with the narrator and Chibiusa....}

Chibiusa:
[Thoughtfully] You know, now that I think about it, I think that "Small_Lady" is kind of a stupid screen name.
[Thinks] Hmm.... Hey! What do you think of the name "Pink_Death"?

{An angry pounding on the door saves the narrator from having to answer right away.}

Jason:
[While banging angrily on the door from outside] Dammit, Chibiusa, I know you're in there! Gimme back my laptop! I
know you've got it! I heard the other guys in my shop talking about how someone named "Small_Lady" mercilessly stomped them
at Unreal Tournament, so there's no use in denying that you have it!

Chibiusa:
[Startled and jumps back] Damn! I didn't think he'd find me this fast!

Jason:
[Still banging on the door] Open up right now and I won't torture you before I kill you!

Chibiusa:
[Swallows fearfully] Please don't kill me, Jason-sama!!! [Runs off in fear]

{The narrator watches Chibiusa run off, then opens the door, letting Jason in.}

Narrator:
[Points] Your laptop is right there, Jason-san.

Jason:
[Nods] Thank you. [Goes to retrieve his laptop]

Narrator:
[As Jason picks up his laptop] Are you really going to kill Chibiusa-chan?

Jason:
[Pauses and grins over his shoulder] Not really. I just want her to think I am. Usagi-chan would probably kill me if
I killed her future daughter, even if she technically hasn't been born yet. [Pauses as he mulls over what he had just said,
then nods to himself] Right. At any rate, I've got another chapter of this fanfic to write, so if you'll excuse me....

{As Jason leaves the room with his laptop, the narrator blinks in bewilderment, then just shrugs.}

Narrator:
[Sighs] None of this was in the job description....


--------------------------------------------- ----


{As Galahad, Sailor Uranus, and Sailor Knight all trudged through the harsh downpour, the wind continued to beat
unyieldingly at them, chilling them to the bone. The rain slicked Galahad's short brown hair and Uranus' short blonde hair
to their scalps, while Knight's ponytail was constantly dripping water. Suddenly, Uranus and Knight both sneezed at the same
time, both to their, and Galahad's, surprise.}

Galahad:
[Glancing back at them] God bless you. [Faces forward and continues]

Knight:
[Exchanging glances with Uranus] You don't think that...?

Uranus:
[Shaking her head] Nah. Couldn't be....

Knight:
[Nods uncertainly] Right.... After all, it's not like we're in an anime. The sneeze-whenever-someone-talks-about-you
thing shouldn't apply here, right?

Uranus:
[Frowns slightly] You know, Ryo-kun... since coming here, I'm not sure of much anymore....

Knight:
[Sighs] Maybe we should just keep following Galahad and not put too much into a sneeze. After all, it's raining and
we could just be starting to catch colds....

{Uranus shrugs as she and Knight go off to catch up with Galahad. Thunder boomed and lightning crashed throught the sky as
the three made their way through the maze of withered branches and dead trees. Suddenly, a light overhead caught the
attention of the three travelers. They all look up over the top of the castle standing in the distance, staring in disbelief
at the object shining in front of them.}

Knight:
[Pointing] Haruka-san, look!

Uranus:
[Eyes widen] That's it! The Holy Grail!

Knight:
[Sighs in relief] Finally.... So, let's hurry up and get over to that castle!

{At once, they all run toward the castle's entrance. As soon as they reached the large, heavy wooden door, Galahad started
to pound on the door with all his strength.}

Galahad:
[Shouting] Open the door! Open the door! [Pounds some more] In the name of King Arthur, open the door!

{The door opened with a loud creak, allowing them entrance into the castle. As soon as they all stepped inside, the door
closed again with a loud boom that echoed through the halls. As soon as they took their first few steps inside the castle,
they noticed that a large group of young women in what seemed to be white nightgowns were staring at them with wide grins
of their faces.}

Women:
[In unison] Hello!

Knight:
[Noticing the slightly lecherous gleam in Uranus' eyes as she grins slightly] You're drooling, Haruka-san.

Uranus:
[Glancing over at Knight] Don't exaggerate, Ryo-kun. [Pauses for a moment] You're not gonna tell Michiru, are you?

Knight:
[Smirks] What's it worth to you?

Uranus:
[Smirks back] Remember three months ago when I tricked you into thinking you were drinking some sort of exotic
fruit punch, when it was really half orange juice and apple juice and half vodka? [Thoughtful look] As I recall, you really
liked it. Really, really liked it.

Knight:
[Frowns] Yeah, so? Nothing happened. [Expression turns wary] Nothing DID happen, right?

Uranus:
[Smirk widens] Well... I did tell you nothing happened. However.... [Trails off meaningfully]

Knight:
[Growing worried] However?

Uranus:
I lied.

Knight:
[Sweats] So? It's not like you haven't played practical jokes on me before. We all know that.

Uranus:
But, I also took the liberty of recording what happened. [Big grin] By the way, Michiru thinks you have a cute rear
end.

Knight:
[Mortified] Michiru-san? Who else?

Uranus:
[Thinking] Well, Setsuna had to take Hotaru-chan to her room - to keep her from seeing too much.

Knight:
[Muttering] That's a relief.

Uranus:
But other than that, Setsuna, Michiru, and myself are the only ones to have witnessed your drunken antics in its
entirety.

Knight:
[Quietly] I see.... I concede defeat.

Uranus:
Oh! I just remembered something else!

Knight:
[Sighs] What is it now?

Uranus:
[Grinning widely] Setsuna thinks you have a cute rear end, too.

Knight:
[Facefaults] ....

{A young woman wearing a similar white gown with a white cap enters and walks toward them carrying a long, lit torch in her
right hand.}

Young woman:
[Smiling] Welcome, gentle Sir Knights and Lady. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

Galahad:
[Blinking] The Castle Anthrax?

Young woman:
[Nods understandingly] Yes. It's not a very good name is it?

Uranus:
[Bluntly] It's a stupid name. Who named it anyway?

Young woman:
[Shakes her head sadly] That I do not know, my Lady. [Perks up as she looks toward Galahad and Knight] Oh, but we
are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!

Uranus:
[Grimaces] Don't call me 'my Lady'. My name's Haruka.

Galahad:
You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?

Young woman:
[Blinks] The what?

Galahad:
The Grail. It is here.

Young woman:
[Shakes her head] Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. [Turns to the two young women who had accompanied
her into the chamber] Midget! Crapper!

Uranus/Knight:
[Snorts while trying to hold in laughter] ....

Midget/Crapper:
[Not noticing the stifled laughter at hearing their names] Yes, O Zoot?

Zoot:
Perpare a bed for our guest.

Midget/Crapper:
[Ecstatically] Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Uranus/Knight:
[Blinks] ....

Zoot:
[Impaitently shooing them away] Away! Away, varletesses. [To Galahad and Knight] The beds here are warm and soft
and very, very big.

Galahad:
[Blinks as he backs away slightly] Well, look, I... I, uh....

Zoot:
[To Galahad] What is your name, handsome knight?

Uranus:
[Teasing] I think she likes you.

Galahad:
[Bristles] Hush, you. [To Zoot] Sir Galahad... the Chaste.

Uranus:
[Snickers] The Chaste? Sure, you are.

Galahad:
[Indignantly] I am.

Zoot:
[To Knight] And your name, young knight?

Knight:
[Blinks and points to himself] Me? Um, I'm Ryoku. [Nods to Uranus] And she's Haruka.

Uranus:
[Nods and smiles at Zoot] And we're certainly not... chaste. [Elbows Knight] Right, Ryo-kun?

Knight:
[Give Uranus a patient look] Haruka-san....

Zoot:
Mine is Zoot. [Gives Galahad and Knight a smoky look] Just Zoot. Oh, but come. [Turns away and leads the group down
the hall]

Knight:
[Shrugs] As you wish, Just Zoot.

Zoot:
[Laughs] You are quite an amusing young knight, Sir Ryoku.

Galahad:
[Insistantly while he and the Senshi follow Zoot] Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!

Knight:
[Patiently] I'm sure your beds are nice and everything, but Galahad is right. Can you please show us the Holy Grail?

Uranus:
[While winking at one of the young women] ....

Knight:
[Elbowing Uranus] Haruka-san... later!

Uranus:
[Sighs] Oh, fine. I want to see the Grail, too. [Smiles at yet another young woman]

Knight:
[Sweatdrops] ...I give up.

Zoot:
[Sadly] Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.

Knight:
[While watching Uranus try to flirt with one of the young women] I can almost believe it of certain people....

Galahad:
[Very insistantly] No, look. I have seen it! [Gestures around the entire chamber] It is here in this....

Zoot:
[Cutting him off] Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.

Galahad:
[Faltering] Well, I... I, uh....

Knight:
[While grabbing Uranus and dragging her along with him] What could it hurt? [Pauses to wring out some water from
his ponytail] We don't have to leave right away. After all, I think it's still pouring outside. I, for one, would like to
rest and get dry before leaving with the Grail.

Galahad:
[Pondering Knight's words] Well....

Zoot:
[As she continues to lead the three through the castle] Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet
compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off
in this castle with no one to protect us.

Uranus:
[With a VERY wide grin] Eight score? [Whispering to Knight] Quick! How many?

Knight:
[Whispers back] One hundred and sixty.

Uranus:
[While looking skyward, grinning broadly and clasping her hands together happily] Thank you, Jason-san!

Knight:
[Ungodly huge sweatdrop] ....

Zoot:
[Continuing while leading them up a staircase] It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting
underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights.

Uranus:
[With an interested tone of voice] Excuse me, but what kind of exciting underwear are we talking about here? Could
it be possible to have some of your girls show me some samples?

Knight:
[Tiredly while Galahad stares at her in surprise] Haruka-san....

Uranus:
[To Knight] What? I was thinking I might get some of this exciting underwear for myself. [Quietly to Knight] And for
Michiru, of course.

Knight:
[Whispering flatly to Uranus] Of course.

Zoot:
[Smiles as she leads them into a sleeping chamber with three beds in it] Nay. Nay. Come. [Herds Galahad into the
room with the Senshi following] Come. You may lie here. [Gently pushes Galahad onto the bed] Oh, but you are wounded!

Knight:
[As he and Uranus take their own beds] Hmm? Oh, that's just a scratch. Must've got it bumping against one of those
trees.

Galahad:
Yes, it's... it's nothing.

Zoot:
[Glancing over at Knight] And you, too!

Knight:
[Glancing down at himself] But that's just a scrape. Nothing at all.

Zoot:
[Sternly] Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! [Pushes Galahad down as he tries to get up] No, no, please! Lie
down. [Claps her hands]

{Seconds after Zoot clapped her hands, two young women instantly entered the room.}

First young woman:
[Professionally] Well, what seems to be the trouble?

Galahad:
[Incredulously] They're doctors?!?

Zoot:
[Reluctantly] Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes.

Knight:
[Sarcastically] I'm so relieved.

Galahad:
B-but...

Zoot:
[Pushes Galahad down again as he tries to escape] Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. [To the "doctors"] Doctor
Piglet! [Piglet nods] Doctor Winston! [Winston nods] Practice your art.

Uranus:
[While relaxing and leering at the doctors] You know, all of you here seem to have some really stupid sounding
names.

Winston:
[Dryly] We could say the same of the name Haruka.

Uranus:
[Shrugs] Well, I like my name fine.

Winston:
[Shrugs, then looks at both Knight and Galahad] Try to relax, both of you.

Knight:
[While relaxing] I'm fine, thanks. No problems, here.

Galahad:
[Pushes down the bottom of his tunic as Piglet raises it up] Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?

Piglet:
[Firmly] We must examine you. [Tries to lift his tunic again, but Galahad pushes it down again]

Galahad:
[Nervously] There's nothing wrong with that!

Piglet:
[Patiently] Please. We are doctors.

Knight:
With basic medical training.

Winston:
[As she tries to discern exactly how to go about examining Knight when she cannot find any method to removing his
clothes] We are still doctors. [Baffled] Exactly how do you put on these garments, good Sir Ryoku? There seems to be no
buttons or clasps.

Knight:
[Grins] Magic.

Winston:
Oh? Are you a magician, as well?

Knight:
[Blinks] Um... something like that, I guess.

Galahad:
[Jumps out of bed as Piglet tries once again to... examine him] Look! This cannot be! I am sworn to chastity!

Uranus:
[Smirks at Galahad] Oh, don't be a prude.

Piglet:
[Sternly] Back to your bed! At once!

Galahad:
[While backing away] Torment me no longer. [Staring upwards] I have seen the Grail!

Piglet:
[Flatly] There's no grail here.

Galahad:
[Insistantly as he stumbles through the passageways] I have seen it! I have seen it!

{Galahad opened up one of the large doors during his fevered lurching through the castle halls and threw himself through it
in search of the Holy Grail. However, he does not find a grail of any kind through THIS particular door.}

Galahad:
I have seen...! [Cuts off and stares at the sight before him]

{There are many young women here. Many, many, MANY young women here. To put it simply, if Haruka were standing there right
now, she would say....}

Uranus:
[Staring in wonder] I've died and gone to Heaven....

{Yeah, something like that.}

Knight:
[Stopping beside Uranus and also staring in wonder] ...wow.

Young women:
[Smiling provocatively] Hello.

{At the sight of so many beautiful young women, including the few that seemed to be standing in the small indoor fountain
for no apparant reason other than to allow their scantily thin nightgown to become soaked with water, allowing some very...
interest sights to be seen, even Galahad was having a hard time keeping himself together. Being the pure, chaste knight that
he was, there was only one thing that seemed to come to mind.}

Galahad:
[Staring dumbly at the women] Oh.

{Well, make that two things. Two round, soft things.}

Young women:
Hello.

{As Galahad made his way around the chamber, trying to move away from one woman, only to find himself nearer to another one,
each young woman greeted him with the same single greeting, purred almost seductively.}

Young women:
[All smiling alluringly at Galahad as he passes by] Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

{As Galahad made a full circuit around the chamber, he came face to face with a very familiar face.}

Galahad:
[In great relief] Zoot!

Dingo:
[Shaking her head] No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.

Uranus:
[Walking up next to Dingo] Yet another interesting name.

Knight:
[Walking up next to Dingo as well] I think there's an animal in Australia that has the same name.

Galahad:
[Apologetically] Oh. Well, excuse me, I....

Dingo:
[Cuts him off] Where are you going?

Galahad:
[Remembers] I seek the Grail. I have seen it, here in this castle!

Uranus:
Please, can you tell us where it is?

{At hearing this, Dingo suddenly frowns angrily.}

Dingo:
[Angrily] Oh, no. Oh, no. Bad, bad, Zoot!

Knight:
[Blinks] This doesn't bode well.

Galahad:
[Frowning in confusion] Well, what is it?

Dingo:
[Apologetically] Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which - I have just
remembered - is grail-shaped. [Sighs] It's not the first time we've had this problem.

Galahad:
[Disappointingly] It's not the real Grail?

Dingo:
[Angrily again] Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! [Turns to the
readers] Do you think this scene should have been cut? [Shakes her head regretfully] We were so worried when Jason was
writing this part. We thought he was going to cut it just to save time. [Perks up] But now, we're glad. It's better than
some of the previous scenes, I think.

{Scene shifts to the three-headed knight.}

Left head:
[Petulantly] At least ours was better visually.

Right head:
[To left head] But they can't see us.

Left head:
[Angrily] Oh! Where's my sword? I want to cut your head off!

Middle head:
[Irritably to left head] And you STILL haven't brushed my teeth!

{Scene shifts to Dennis and the old woman.}

Dennis:
[Idly tossing a lump of filth] Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pu.... [Glances
skyward] ...dirty jokes.

{Scene shifts to an old man with a very ugly face.}

Very ugly old man:
[Impatiently] Get on with it.

{Scene shifts to a man wearing horns on his head.}

Horny man:
[Also impatiently] Yes, get on with it!

{Scene shifts to show the author typing away at his laptop.}

Jason:
[Sighs almost ruefully and shakes his head] I'm gonna catch holy hell for that last one. I just know it. [Grins
anyway] Ah, what the hell. I'm keeping it. So, there. [Pulls down an eyelid and sticks out his tongue] Biidah!

{Scene shifts to an army of knights.}

Army of knights:
[All impatiently] Yeah, get on with it!!!

{Scene shifts back to Dingo.}

Dingo:
[Happily] Oh, I am enjoying this scene.

{Scene shifts to showing all of the Sailor Senshi at once with the exception of Uranus and Knight, and including Chibiusa,
who had somehow managed to sneak in without the other Senshi knowing.}

Senshi except for Uranus and Knight/Chibiusa:
[Shouting impatiently and brandishing fists skyward] GET ON WITH IT!!!

Sailor Moon:
[Spots Chibiusa] Hey! What're you doing here!

Chibiusa:
[Jumps] Oops! Gotta run! [Dashes off]

{Scene shifts back to Dingo.}

Dingo:
[Sighs and shrugs in defeat] ....

Uranus/Knight:
[Sweatdrops] ....

Galahad:
[Glancing at the two Senshi, then pulls a sweatdrop of his own] ....

Knight:
[Noticing the sweatdrop] Hey, not bad for your first try.

Uranus:
You learn quick.

Galahad:
[Slightly embarrassed and humbly] Well, it's not that much, really....

Dingo:
[Recovering her composure] Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty.

Uranus/Knight:
[Blinking in confusion] Penalty?

Dingo:
[Nods] Here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon: you must tie
her down on a bed and spank her.

Galahad:
[Eyes widen] ....

Knight:
[Facefaults] ....

Uranus:
[Grins lecherously] ....

Young women:
[Excitedly] A spanking! A spanking!

Galahad:
[Facefaults] ....

Knight:
[Too stunned to notice the new trick Galahad had learned] ....

Uranus:
[Grin widens as she dry-washes her hands in anticipation] ....

Dingo:
You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.

Galahad:
[Eyes widen farther] ....

Another young woman:
[To Galahad] And spank me.

Yet another young woman:
[To Galahad] And me.

And yet another young woman:
[To Galahad] And me.

Galahad:
[Eyes widen to sizes hitherto unknown to man] ....

Dingo:
[Nods] Yes, both you and good Sir Ryoku must give us all a good spanking!

Knight:
[Totally stunned] Me?!? You want me to spank you all as well?!?

Dingo:
[Nods] Yes, you must give us all very good spankings. Such a large job may be too large for one man.

Uranus:
[Grins] Ooh, can I help, too? I can give good spankings.

Dingo:
[Blinks] Well....

Yes, yet another young woman:
[From the back of the room] Oh, please, Dingo, can Lady Haruka give me my spanking?

Surpise, yet another young woman:
[Same place] And mine, too!

And... oh, you get the idea:
[You know where] And mine, too!

Dingo:
Well, all right! And after the spanking, the... really naughty stuff.

Young women:
[Excitedly] The... [Pauses in bewilderment] ...what?

Dingo:
[To the young women] I don't think the author wants us to say 'oral...' [Covers her mouth] Oops! I almost said it!

{Scene shifts to show the author removing his glasses.}

Jason:
[While rubbing his eyes wearily] I must be getting tired. I almost let that one slip by....

{Scene shifts back to Dingo and the others.}

Dingo:
[Shrugs] Well, there you have it.

{The young women shrug in defeat, but then grin lasciviously as they realize that 'really naughty stuff' is a very vague
term and can cover quite a broad spectrum if they put their minds to it. In a way, the author seemed to have done them quite
a favor.}

{Scene shifts to show the author smirking mischeviously.}

Jason:
[Smirking] Hehehehehehehehehehehe....

{Scene shifts back to Dingo and the others.}

Young women:
[Excitedly] The really naughty stuff! The really naughty stuff!

Galahad:
[Grinning widely] Well, I could stay a bit longer. [To Knight and Uranus] How 'bout you two?

Uranus/Knight:
[Also grinning widely] Don't mind if we do!

{Suddenly Launcelot barges into the room and grabs Galahad and Knight by the shoulders.}

Launcelot:
Sir Galahad!

Galahad:
[Turning toward Launcelot] Oh, hello. [Starts to turn back toward the young women]

Launcelot:
[Tugs on Galahad's and Knight's shoulders] Quick!

Galahad:
[Turns back irritably] What?

Launcelot:
[Glances back over his shoulder] Quick!

Galahad:
[Frowns] Why?

Knight:
[Also frowns] And where's Mako-chan and Minako-chan? I thought they were supposed to be with you.

Launcelot:
I had them go on ahead and wait for me to catch up.

Knight:
[Blinks] And they didn't want to come with you to 'rescue' us?

Launcelot:
[Hesitantly] Well....

Knight:
[Raises an eyebrow] Well?

Launcelot:
[Reluctantly] I told them I was going to the lavatory.

Knight:
[Sighs and shakes his head] Why me?

Launcelot:
[Tugs on their shoulders insistantly] Anyway, you both are in great peril!

Dingo:
No, they aren't.

Launcelot:
[Crossly as he drags Galahad and Knight with him] Silence, foul temptress!

Galahad:
[To Launcelot] You know, she's got a point.

Knight:
[Nods] I agree completely.

Launcelot:
[Still dragging them] Come on! We will cover your escape!

Uranus:
[Blinking] We will? Um... that's all right. I think you've got the situation well in hand. [Turns to the young
women] Now, about those spankings....

Knight:
[Grabs onto Uranus' skirt and drags her with him] Oh, no you don't! If I'm going, you're going, too, blackmail or
not!

Uranus:
[Tries to free herself, but fails] Dammit, Ryoku! Let go!

Knight:
[Still dragging] Hell, no!

Galahad:
[Still trying to dissuade Launcelot] Look, we're fine!

Launcelot:
[Not even listening as he drags them off] Come on!

Young women:
[Desperately] Sir Galahad! Sir Ryoku! Lady Haruka!

Uranus:
[Irritably] I told you not to call me "Lady" Haruka!

Galahad:
[Pulls free] No. Look, Ryoku, Haruka and I can tackle this lot single-handled!

Dingo:
[Pleadingly] Yes! Let them tackle us single-handed!

Young women:
[Pleadingly] Yes! Let them tackle us single-handed!

Knight:
[Grins and whispers to Uranus] I'd rather use both hands, myself.

Uranus:
[Chuckles and slaps Knight jovially on the back] There's hope for you yet, Ryo-kun.

Knight:
[Smirks] You've been a great teacher, Haruka-san.

Uranus:
[Nods] Damn right!

Launcelot:
[Unconvinced as he grabs their shoulders and drags them again] No, Sir Galahad. Come on!

Galahad:
[Protesting as he is being dragged] No! Really! Honestly, we can cope. We can handle this lot easily.

Dingo:
[Still pleadingly] Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily.

Young women:
[Still pleadingly] Yes. Let him handle us easily.

Launcelot:
[Still unconvinced] No. Quick! Quick!

Galahad:
[Growing desperate] Please! We can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them!

Knight:
There's a hundred and sixty.

Galahad:
[Pauses as he goes over his mental calculations, blinks, and grimaces] Oh. So there is. [Recovers] Still, we can
easily defeat them!

Dingo:
[Nods entreatingly] Yes! Yes, they will beat us easily! We haven't a chance!

Young women:
[Also entreatingly] We haven't a chance! He will beat us easily....

{They trailed off after Launcelot succeeded in dragging Galahad, Knight and Uranus out of the castle, while slamming the
door behind him with a huge boom. The young women were left staring at the door in disappointment and frustration as they
realized that a rare opportunity had slipped through their grasp. Dingo stared at the door for only a second before uttering
the two words that very much summed up what they all were thinking at the time.]

Dingo:
[Pouting] Oh, sh*$!

{Outside the castle, Launcelot was herding Galahad and the two Senshi down from the castle. Much to their added annoyance,
the heavy downpour had abated, leaving them with no excuse to stay in the castle.}

Launcelot:
We were in the nick of time. You were all in great peril.

Galahad:
I don't think we were.

Uranus:
[Frowning] And what do you mean, 'we'?

Launcelot:
[Admittedly] All right, I. And yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

Galahad:
[Halts and turns back to Launcelot] Look, let me go back there and face the peril.

Launcelot:
[Turns him back around] No, it's too perilous.

Galahad:
[Insistantly] Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.

Launcelot:
[Shakes his head] No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!

Galahad:
[Pleadingly] Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

Launcelot:
[Firmly] No. It's unhealthy.

Galahad:
[Petulantly] I bet you're gay.

Launcelot:
...no, I'm not.

{As Launcelot escorts Galahad away from the castle, Knight and Uranus peer out from behind the pair of bushes that they had
quickly hid behind as Launcelot was distracted while dealing with Galahad. As soon as they stood up and walked back into
view, the two Senshi grinned childishly as each other and shook hands.}

Uranus:
I must admit, I'm surprised at you, Ryo-kun. I never figured you to be the promiscuous type.

Knight:
[Raising an eyebrow] Like you, Haruka-san?

Uranus:
[Folds her arms] I'm not promiscuous. I'm flirting.

Knight:
[Smirks knowingly] Right....

Uranus:
So, what about Ami-chan? I thought you were devoutly loyal to her.

Knight:
I could ask the same of you and Michiru-san.

Uranus:
....

Knight:
....

U ranus:
[Grins slyly] Well, what they don't know.... Right, Ryo-kun?

Knight:
[Nods] Right, Haruka-san. It'll just be between us.

Uranus:
[Nods] Michiru and Ami-chan won't have to know. And I'll even swear off telling the others about the videotape of
you drunk off your butt.

Knight:
[Shakes hands with Uranus again] Deal.

{The two are about to leave for the Castle Anthrax again, but they are stopped as a pair of hands grabs them by their
shoulders. The sounds of two young women clearing their throats in annoyance causes the two errant Senshi to sweat
nervously.}

Knight:
[Whispering to Uranus] Uh-oh....

Uranus:
[Whispering back to Knight] I think we're busted....

{Uranus and Knight turned around slowly, only to find Neptune and Mercury standing behind them with their arms folded and
expressions of anger and disappointment mirrored on both their faces.}

Neptune:
[Angrily] Haruka!

Mercury:
[Angrily] Ryoku!

Neptune/Mercury:
[Very angrily] What the hell do you two think you are doing?!?

Uranus/Knight:
[Stammering] Well... um... you see... we, um... well, um....

{With astonishing precision, both Neptune and Mercury grab the arms of their respective significant other simultaneously and
started dragging them along with them.}

Mercury:
[Furiously] I can't believe you! You! Of all people! How could you do even think of doing something so... so....
[Shakes her head in frustration] Augh!

Knight:
[Bows his head, thouroughly henpecked] Yes, Ami-chan. I'm sorry, Ami-chan. It won't happen again, Ami-chan....

Neptune:
[Also furiously] And you were calling Ryo-kun a bad influence. Now look! You've got him flirting with other girls,
just like you do! And you think I can't see you?

Uranus:
[Penitently] It was all in good fun. We weren't going to actually DO anything. [To Knight] Right, Ryo-kun?

Knight:
[Head is still bowed] Of course, Ami-chan. You are wise, intelligent, and beautiful and I'm a stupid, immature,
little boy, Ami-chan. I will never even think about leering at another girl again, Ami-chan....

Uranus:
[Sweatdrops] You're hopeless, Ryo-kun....


-------------------------------------------------


Coming soon to a website near you....

A Grail?!? - Chapter 8: Scene Twenty-four... and Spam?

Questions? Comments? Still think I should keep this fic at a PG rating?
E-mail me: jasonulloa@hotmail.com or ulloaj@stennis.navy.mil