Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Bishounen no Mori ❯ Seiya's Secret Revealed! The Scary Censor Plan ( Chapter 9 )

Heeeeeeere we go again! *audience groans* Oh, shut up! This is free entertainment! *audience cheers* That's what I thought...

Disclaimer: Hmmm, I think this disclaimer becomes less and less needed as the fic goes on...if Takeuchi Naoko read this, she'd think, 'These are my characters? They act nothing like them!' But still, they are hers, and I can't claim them as my own unless I go back in time ^_^

Completed: 2/7/99 (Last revision: 2001.09.23)* * * * * * * * * *

Bishounen no Mori

Episode 9: Seiya's Secret Revealed! The Scary Censor Plan.

Written By: Aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhh!* * * * * * * * * *

Fish Eye wakes up the next morning, feeling like he's surrounded. He blinks a couple times and realizes that he is surrounded: He has all Three Light's lying around him. He smiles. 'I've never woken up with three people before...I've broken my own record,' he thinks happily, recalling the night before. He begins to grin widely just thinking about how...interesting it was to have three guys at once. And Seiya...Fish Eye grins even wider. 'He was even better than Mamo-chan,' he thinks, his silly grin getting bigger. As if he can tell Fish Eye is thinking about him, Seiya wakes up.

"Hey there, gorgeous." He smiles seductively and wraps his arms tighter around Fish Eye, kissing him on the forehead.

"Good morning, Seiya." He also smiles and holds Seiya tightly.

"Was it good for you, too?" (^_^;;)

"Mmmmm, the best ever!" Fish Eye sighs again and snuggles closer to Seiya. "Especially you." He could hardly believe how experienced Seiya was, even though he was so young. Well, maybe he just had a natural talent for...it ^_^

Seiya grins wickedly. "Was I better than Taiki and Yaten?"

"Oh, yes! So much more! I think that's partly due to the fact that they're brainwashed and you're you...but you were the best I've ever had anyway!"

Seiya gets an odd looking evil grin for a second, but then his face returns to normal. "Hey, Fish Eye...do you really like being here in this fa--, uh, I mean, this forest?"

Fish Eye looks puzzled. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, it's so dark and cold and you have to teleport to get anywhere interesting...Wouldn't you much rather run off with me to someplace better?"

Fish Eye thinks for a minute. "Well, even though it's dark here, I still like living here. And Tiger's Eye and Hawk's Eye live here, too. I'm all right as long as I have my friends with me." (Ugh, is this cheesy or what?)

"But Fish Eye," Seiya grabs onto Fish Eye's wrists, despite his struggling, "We don't need to be here. This place would be much better without us here! We should go far, far away!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Let me go!" Fish Eye yells, but Seiya holds on tighter, his eyes starting to glow red, and his voice suddenly changing.

"This place is no longer pure. It has been contaminated by this evil fan-fic! Why is this all about the villains? What we need is the Sailor Scouts!"

"Sailor Scouts..." Fish Eye says quietly as he tries to place the voice that Seiya now has. He suddenly recognizes it as the voice he had heard the day before at the karaoke bar. "DiC! Oh my God, Seiya's being controlled by DiC!"

The voice of DiC laughs. "So, you finally figured it out. Yes, I have taken over The Three Lights. Of course, I made it so you couldn't brainwash Seiya to insure that my plan would not fail."

"What plan?" Fish Eye spits out, looking angrier than he's ever been before.

DiC-Seiya grins. "To eliminate all inappropriate things in the world, starting with fan-fics like this one!"

Fish Eye gasps. "Eliminate?"

"Or censor past the point of recognition. From now on, all people will read is good, wholesome fan-fics about the Sailor Scouts adventures fighting evil from the Negaverse in the name of love and justice."

Fish Eye screams. "You...you're mad!" Then he thinks of something and grins. "But that will never happen, though. There are people writing fan-fics as we speak. There's no way you could possibly stop them all."

"That's what you think." DiC-Seiya laughs. "You see, we're just starting with making fan-fics appropriate. After we do that, we'll go on to censor the whole world!"

Fish Eye screams again. Suddenly, all of the other bishounen burst into the room, in various states of being awake.

"What's with all the evil laughter and screaming in here?!" Hawk's Eye yells, who is the most awake.

"Yeah, I've been trying to get my beauty sleep!" Zoisite yells, who is half-awake. Behind him is Kunzite, whose wrists are tied together with rope (See, Zoisite and Kunzite did make use of that rope ^_^;;).

Fish Eye sighs. "I don't have time to explain, just scroll up in the fic."

A couple minutes later, all of our bishounen are well informed, mostly awake, and ready to take action (Well, not all of them: Nephrite and Tiger's Eye are complaining of hang-overs, and Nephrite is cold from sleeping on the lawn all night).

"All right, you psycho censor freaks!" Jadeite yells, ready to fight. "Just exactly how do you think you're going to censor the whole world, eh?"

DiC-Seiya laughs. "Like I'm going to tell you! That would be the stupidest thing in the world to do!"

"That's true, but don't you know that in stories the villain is required to tell their evil tale? The heroes are never smart enough to figure it out," Zoisite states.

DiC-Seiya looks confused. "Wait...but aren't you the villains?"

Our bishounen look at each other. "Uhh, we're not sure either...but we do know that some people like reading fan-fics like this, or they've been forced to or something..." Hawk's Eye says. "But anyway, in the eyes of the readers, you're the evil one!"

DiC-Seiya smirks. "Well, I'll just have to fix them then, won't I? See ya'll later! Ja na!" With that, he disappears, along with the still sleeping Taiki and Yaten.

"Kuso!" Zoisite snarls. "I can't let those...those freaks who turned me into a woman get away like that!"

"Quickly, let's go to Earth!" Kunzite says, after tracing where DiC teleported to.

Just before they teleport, Zoisite leans over to Fish Eye. "Oh, by the way, Fishy, you've got really great taste in men..." he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Fish Eye flips him off.* * * * * * * * * *

When they arrive in an alley in Tokyo seconds later (If it was seconds later, why did I put a line there? Hmm...) they can already sense that something is very wrong...one of those things being that the "alley" they're in is being turned into a miniature garden with happy looking flowers. They are standing in a pile of soil.

"Oh, great! My new shoes are ruined!" Zoisite says in dismay. "Let's go shopping and get some new ones." His eyes begin gleaming.

Kunzite sweatdrops. "Umm, first let's find DiC, dear." Kunzite has had enough shopping for the rest of the millennium.

The bishounen all step out of the soil and onto the sidewalk. They are horrified at the sight of happy people, happy animals, happy insects...everything is happy happy HAPPY! The sun is shining way too brightly, and it appears to be smiling, too. All the people walking down the street are whistling happy tunes and saying, "Good day!" to each other. No one is angry or swearing or hurling things at other people...yes, indeed, it is a scary and sickening sight.

"Geez, DiC did all this already?" Jadeite says in amazement. They realize they're up against a tough opponent. "How could they possibly make everything so sickeningly happy in just a few seconds?"

"I dunno, but I gotta find a bar to help get rid of this hangover," Nephrite says. Tiger's Eye agrees. The others don't bother to tell them that their logic won't work; they know it's no use.

Tiger's Eye looks around. "Hey, I can't find a bar anywhere! All I can see are lemonade stores."

"What?!" They all look around and find this to be true. There aren't even any regular stores, there's just nothing but lemonade related things: lemonade cafes, lemonade stands, "Lemonade on a Stick"...even Starbucks Lemonade (Starbucks People: Oh my! There's only one Starbucks per block! Build more! *rolls eyes* That's what it seems like those people must be thinking...around here, you can't turn around without seeing that way-too-familiar green sign...I don't even like coffee! But enough ranting from me, there's a fic going on here ^_^;;).

"Oh my God! DiC is using lemonade to take over the people's minds!" Jadeite says, stating the obvious (But even then, he's very proud for having figured it out, all by hisself ^_^;; *Gives Jeddy-kun a gold star*)

The others nod. "Right. And there's only one thing we can do to stop them now..." Hawk's Eye says, wanting to have a dramatic sounding line.

"And that would be..." Kunzite prompts him.

"That is..." he pauses dramatically, just to make sure he has everyone's attention for his possibly shocking words. "...think of a plan to beat them." The others fall over. Hawk's Eye puts a hand behind his head and laughs.

They all stand up again...well, most of them; Kunzite and Zoisite get ideas while lying down on the ground, so they stay down while the others get up.

"But, seriously, we really do need to think of a plan...any ideas?" Hawk's Eye looks around to the others. Fish Eye slowly raises his hand. Hawk's Eye-sensei calls on him (Oh, I wanna be in that class!) "Yes, Fish Eye-kun?"

"Uhh, well, maybe if we get rid of all the lemonade, then the people will go back to normal. After we've got the people back to normal, we can go after DiC and teach them a lesson."

"That's fine, but there's so much lemonade...how are we possibly going to get rid of it all?" This time, Jadeite raises his hand. Hawk's Eye calls on him. "Yes?"

"Well, we could first drain the energy of some of the people, so they can't resist, plus for later use. Then we could transport all of the lemonade somewhere. Then we would locate DiC, which shouldn't be that hard to do, and finally, we could use the energy we drained from the people to help us defeat DiC, in case we're not strong enough on our own."

Everyone else looks surprised. "Woah, Jadeite. I had no idea you could come up with such great plans. You've always acted so...uh..." Hawk's Eye tries to avoid saying that he thought Jadeite was stupid. Thankfully, Nephrite interrupts him.

"If you're so smart, how come you could never come up with such great plans when we were fighting the Senshi, huh?"

Jadeite thinks for a second. "Well, that's probably because I was a bad guy. Don't you know that 99.9% of the time, the good guy wins? If we were actually allowed to come up with good plans, there's no way the Senshi could have beaten us."

"Oh yeah...stupid heroic stories..." Nephrite grumbles, seeming to be over his hangover now.

Tiger's Eye is still thinking about Jadeite's plan. "But wait. Where exactly are we supposed to be transporting this lemonade to?"

"Ummm, I was thinking we could transport it to Elysion..."

"WHAT?!" everyone who's listening yells (Kunzite and Zoisite are "occupied" ^_^;;)

Jadeite shrinks down to an adorable SD size. "Don't get so upset at little Jeddy-chan!" he sniffles, then starts explaining. "I'm just saying we could store it there so DiC can't get it, then we can figure out what to do with it when this mission is over." (Mission? *Spazz goes into Heero-mode* Ninmu ryoukai! [I've been watching too much Gundam Wing ^_^;;]).

"Well...I guess that would work," Fish Eye says, making googly eyes at the SD Jadeite, thinking, 'Kawaii! I want him!' Jadeite notices those looks and reverts back to regular size.

"OK, so we should all split up over the world so we can get rid of the lemonade as quickly as possible," Hawk's Eye says. "Jadeite will go to Europe, Nephrite will go to South America, Zoisite will go to North America, Kunzite will stay in Asia, Fish Eye will go to Australia, Tiger's Eye will go to Africa, and I'll check to see if there's any in Antarctica. If not, I'll come back and help Kunzite with Asia, got it?" Hawk's Eye says. He hears most of them agreeing, and some giggling from Kunzite and Zoisite. "Hey! Did you two hear the plan?"

Zoisite takes his head out from underneath Kunzite's shirt. "Yeah, yeah. I go to North America, Kunzite-sama stays here, and we drain energy and transport the lemonade to Elysion. Got it." He and Kunzite finally stand up. The others are surprised that he had actually been listening the whole time he was...busy.

"All right. Let's go!" They all teleport off to their respective continents...and the fun begins!* * * * * * * * * *

*Phew* Uhhh...yo ^_^;; OK, I know what needs to be said here....I'm sorry it took nearly four months to write this episode! Gah, I'm such a terrible person! *readers agree* Grrr, you didn't have to agree! I'm not sure what happened this time...I guess time has NOT been on my side lately...there's so much stuff happening in my "life" and not enough time to do anything (My web-page now seems to get updated once a month at best). Well, at least it's here now...I really hope I'll be able to write the next episode quicker. And now, I have a funny grammar check story to tell (yes, there is such a thing :P). While running a spelling-grammar check on this fic, the sentence "Oh my god, Seiya's being controlled by DiC!" was identified as a passive voice sentence. So, the suggested replacement sentence became "DiC is controlling my god, Seiya." ^_^ I'm done talking now, so smell ya later...Jaaaaa na!

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