Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ Disillusioned? January 28th, 2000 ( Chapter 5 )

SgAltima Presents:

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

This has been the longest and hardest week I've dealt with yet. I finally relented and agreed to move back into the apartment that my parents made for me on the second floor of my childhood home, Minako is over in Hong Kong doing autograph signings for her new album, "Love and Beauty Shock", Makoto and Ami flew to America to spend a week in Hawaii, and I haven't seen Rei since our camping trip...

Not to mention the fact that Mamoru is back in Japan.

Ikuko hasn't said anything about my outburst at all... She just acts like everything is the way it has always been. That bothers me the most. Sometimes, I wish she would just be angry with me, but be open about it! Instead, I get to always wonder what she is thinking. My father obviously doesn't know. Thank the kami...

I went upstairs into my old bedroom for the first time in years... I moved out on my own when I was 17, and the last time I had been in there was on my 19th birthday... Mama has kept it neat and free of dust. Everything is just as I remember it.

Luna and Artemis were waiting for me when I walked in. She stays with Minako now that her duty to me is complete. I don't see her all that much anymore, which troubles me. I always thought that we were really close, but after I fought with Galaxia-sama, she just asked me to take all her things to Minako's. I never did ask why. Maybe I should have.

I flopped down on my bed, still dressed with my favorite blanket. Memories of times spent in this house flooded me like a river. I look at the mirror that has stood there ever since I first became Sailor Moon. It's been a long time since then.

Shingo got his friends to take notes for him in all his classes for two days because Ikuko told him to help me move my belongings. He doesn't seem all that upset that our parents moved his bed and dresser and other belongings into the garage. I didn't think he ever intended on coming back anyways.

But finally, it is done. I turned his room into my living room, and Chibi-usa's old room in the attic can hold my things until I decide where to put them. Papa already built the door that will lead out behind the house when the stairs are built. Maybe I can sneak Rei in that way.

Oh Rei... where are you?? I've made so many trips to your temple in this last week, trying to find you, but everyone always says the same thing... They haven't seen you, either.

Was I so wrong to make love to you? How could something that felt so right make my heart ache like it does? In such a brief moment, I bonded my life to you, and now I need you like I need air. I feel like I'm suffocating without you near me.

I love you so much. I think I've cried tears for every minute for four years that I've loved you. Won't you call me? Won't you come to see me? I even left a note in my old empty apartment should you come there. I need you in my life, Sailor Mars. You make me feel strong. You complete me. After leaping headfirst into this chasm of Destiny that would swallow our love, I cannot resist Fate alone without you.

I remember every single caress of your hands on my body... They burn with your fire that you alone have the power to soothe. My lips are useless unless they are bringing pleasure to you. Everything I eat tastes like paper because the taste of your lips and sweet skin has spoiled me forever.

A eternal warrior fighting against destiny, I cannot bear to exist forever without you by my side. I would fight and die endlessly, over and over again, against every enemy that would separate us... just to feel the serenity and joy that comes from your arms around me.

Oh, my sweet Rei, are you running from me? Do you run from our love? Are you afraid, my fire princess? You, who tame and command the destructive force of nature? Have you found one enemy you cannot defeat? Let's fight it together, my love!! There is nothing we cannot accomplish when our souls join as one...

I just wish I knew where you were. I have no doubts that you are okay, for my heart can feel the beating of your own. The rhythm of your body is the music of my life. Come home to me, Rei. Let me be everything to you. You sacrificed your life for me so many times, let me repay you with my own... Yours to do with as you please, for all of eternity.

Mamoru is here, my Rei, and I know his intentions. Would you let him take me away from you? I can feel his heart as well, for our bond has not broken. I curse it with all that I am. I will not betray the longing of my soul to be with you. The desire to be by your side, yet I know he will hold sway over me.

It was so hard for me to say no to him the first time. I need you here with me to resist his temptation with the fiery bond of our love!! I long for no one else to know my body, my heart, and my soul like I have let you see.

Please, my love. Come back to me. Make me whole once again, and both our hearts can soar on wings of love.

My heart's desire is to fly with you forever, my fire princess.

Tsukino Usagi