Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ SgAltima Presents: Dear Diary ❯ Easing My Pain: February 18th, 2000 ( Chapter 8 )

SgAltima Presents

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Why does life have to be so confusing? I think I could have had so much fun on this trip if Rei hadn't have shown herself at the docks. Oh Rei... I keep remember the joy of feeling your hands on me, touching me... I've tried to forget, but my heart won't let me.

Minako says that the ship is heading back for Japan as we speak. I hope so. I'm going to find you, Rei, and I'm going to make you explain yourself to me. Until then, I wonder what I will say when I see her. Will I be able to say anything? When I think about her, so many conflicting feelings flood over me.

Speaking of conflicting feelings, I think Minako is coming on to me... It's just something in the way she looks at me sometimes. She put me up on stage during one of her concerts and made me play the keyboard during a couple of her songs. That's okay... I took lessons on how to play the piano shortly after she made her break because I loved her songs. I play them when I'm alone sometimes, and I even sing to them at times.

But I'm confused about what I'm feeling from her. She and I have been sleeping in the same room, even in the same bed while we've been on this trip, and she puts her arms around me after she falls asleep. Maybe she's not really asleep when she does it... I don't know. It feels weird because I love Minako like my sister. Am I reading too much into her actions?

It doesn't change the fact that she makes me feel strange. I have to admit that I've harbored thoughts of trying for my best friend because it feels like Rei used me. Minako's arms around me at night excites me... I am almost ashamed, but I've wanted to take her hands and place them on my breasts and cuddle closer to her.

I don't even know why I should feel strange about this! If Minako wants me, why should I feel bad in considering whether to give her what she wants?? Rei obviously doesn't want me other than for just for her own pleasure! I know of the curse placed on Minako, and I've cried for her so many times.

But I still want Rei to want me for more than just sex. As long as I want that, I would be lying to Minako. She doesn't deserve that. I mean, I feel like Rei is doing the same thing to me, so I would never put Minako through that.

Minako just looked up and asked me what I was writing. I could feel the heat in my cheeks flare up as she looked at me, and I'm sitting here contemplating putting my diary down and attempting to put the moves on her. Then she got up and tried to peek inside!! I wonder if she saw anything... I hope not.

Then she told me she was going to sleep and hoped I would too. She leaned towards me and tried to kiss me on the cheek, but I moved my face and her lips met mine. Her eyes flew open and I closed my eyes and turned away. I couldn't even look at her as she laid down with her back to me.

I just heard her. She's asking me to come to bed with her.

My heart's desire is to relieve the confusion that plagues me.

Tsukino Usagi