Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Touch ❯ Touch 8 ( Chapter 8 )

MarshAngel

watsonma@hotmail.com
http://angelmoon.sinfree.net
rated R-NC17
disclaimer: standard i.e.: no claim of ownership has or will be made

I know I'm being slow about this and I apologize for taking so long but school takes some precedence after all. The next chapters should be out a bit sooner. Be patient with me.

Touch
Chapter 8

"Usagi, would you care to answer the question?"

Usagi was suddenly snapped out of her daydream. She stared blankly at her teacher completely at a loss as to what the question was.

"I…I uh… I don't know."

She received a disapproving glare over the top of her history teacher's glasses. She sighed in frustration.

How was she supposed to do better in school when she couldn't even keep her mind on the subject at hand? It had been a week and a half since Endymion walked out of her life and still it felt like things were all over the place. She wasn't sleeping, she wasn't concentrating, and all she could think of was escaping the mess they'd made.

Things weren't all that much better at home either. She'd made a conscious effort to be home earlier and spend time with her family, which turned out to be relatively easy, as the Dark Kingdom seemed to have dropped off radar. Things were still a little uncomfortable however.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that her father couldn't reconcile the picture of the pig-tailed pudgy-cheeked angel on his desk with the sexy, mature, superhero she actually was. Whatever it was, it bothered her the way her parents looked at her these days. It was as if they were always trying to figure her out. But it was the look of worry on her mother's face when she left the house every morning and the searching look on her father's face when she came home that really bothered her. It was a constant reminder of the very thing she was trying so hard to forget.

She sighed and did her best to attempt to follow the subject. It was boring beyond all belief. Her eyes wanted to drift shut. She became vaguely aware of Makoto's mildly worried sidelong glance. The awareness of her friend's watchful eyes forced her awake.

Her friends knew that she was trying harder and their knowledge of the fact was like a constant push to succeed. She knew she should be grateful for the encouragement and for the most part she was. Unfortunately she couldn't help but feel failure was eminent and she couldn't bear to disappoint them.
****

"Usagi… Usagi!"

Usagi looked up with a blank look on her face.

Rei frowned. It had been the fourth time she'd called to her friend. Usagi had been distracted, quiet, and uncommunicative for the past two weeks. She could tell that her princess was only vaguely aware of the weight she'd lost and the dark shadows beneath her eyes that told Rei she wasn't sleeping well if at all.

"Ok that's it! What is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?" Usagi asked.

"I've called you four times just now to get your attention and you haven't answered me and it isn't because you're doing your homework!"

Usagi glanced down at the unfinished math assignment she'd been working on for three hours.

"I guess I'm just tired. Too much math is not a good thing."

"I might agree with that if you had been paying attention to any of it. You've been staring off into space for god only knows how long. You've been listless and you haven't been sleeping well since Endymion left."

"This has nothing to do with Endymion." Usagi snapped. "I'm just tired and frustrated ok. I feel like everyone's staring at me all the time, wondering about god only knows what. I feel like I'm trying so hard to fix my school issues but it's not hard enough. I just…" she sighed.

"You miss him."

"No."

"You…" Rei began but Usagi cut her off sharply.

"No!"

Rei backed down. Usagi's tone made it clear there was no further discussion despite her opinion.

"I was thinking that boarding school might not be such a bad idea." Usagi stated softly.

"Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. One little comment shouldn't send you running off to a whole new country!" Rei yelled hurriedly.

"Believe it or not Rei, this has nothing to do with you. Things aren't exactly working out for me at school. My parents might be right. Maybe I need a new environment."

"In a whole new country?" Rei almost yelled.

"I've just been thinking about it that's all."

"You'd honestly consider leaving? Did you forget who you are and what we do? How can you even consider leaving knowing what your duty is?"

"I can because it's my choice. Don't you think I've thought of that?"

"And let me guess that's the only reason you're still here," Rei said harshly.

"Actually, I'm more than confident that I could leave and you guys would be fine without me."

"Then why are you still here?" Rei questioned sullenly.

"Because you are," Usagi whispered quietly. "I think I'd miss you guys too much."

They both sighed and stared off into space. After a couple minutes, the depressive atmosphere got to Rei. She stood up suddenly, grabbing Usagi by the arm and pulling her after her.

"You're depressing me. Let's get out of here and go shopping.

"Now?"

"Yes now."

"But what about my homework?"

"You weren't doing it anyway."

"It's a little late don't you think?"

"You've been out later and the stores don't close for hours."

Of course Rei never gave Usagi the opportunity to disagree and before she knew it they were in the subway.

"I can't believe we're doing this."

"You had something better to do on a Sunday afternoon?" Rei asked

Usagi shrugged. "I guess not."

Usagi looked around the crowded subway compartment. It wasn't too crowded but there were enough people that she and Rei had to stand along with a few others. She looked around out of boredom.

Subway behavior never ceased to amuse her. No one spoke to each other and almost everyone sitting had their eyes closed as though trying to block out the reality of their current location. She could easily understand. The subways, for all their convenience, were one of the more dismal locations and forms of transportation of the modern world.

Her eyes wandered around aimlessly, finding little of interest to look at. Suddenly she felt eyes seemingly fixated on her back. She wasn't quite sure how she became aware of the feeling of being watched but she felt the sensation quite strongly. She turned her head to her left but saw no one looking her way.

She asked herself the question her mind was trying to push aside. Could it be that Endymion was back again? Was she wrong and he'd decided to come back. She refused to analyze the weak unsteady feeling that thought created in her stomach.

There it was again; the sensation that someone was looking at her intently. She glanced to her right and then to her left before turning all the way around. Her eyes searched the crowd and settled on a pair of blue-green eyes that didn't waver even when she caught them looking.

She was stunned by the unwelcome feeling of disappointment. It wasn't Endymion.

Rei had turned to follow her friend's eyes.

"Oh my god!" she whispered.

"What?" Usagi asked pulling her eyes away from the ocean colored eyes across the compartment.

"There is, quite possibly, the most gorgeous guy alive staring at you."

Usagi looked towards him again and had to blush at the intensity with which he returned her gaze. He brushed a long lock of shoulder length blue hair out of his eyes and smiled at her. She had to admit the guy personified cool and it was then that everything came rushing back to her.

That smile, those eyes, the great looks and amazing sense of style. He was a modern interpretation of Mael. Of course there was something different about this look-alike, because of course he could be nothing but a look alike. It wasn't that a reincarnation of her fiancée was an impossibility it was… she refused to accept that this could be Mael.

"Oh god, he's coming over!" Rei whispered harshly in her ear.

Usagi watched dumbstruck as he headed over towards her. It was then that she did something silly. She panicked.

The train screeched to a halt and the door opened at their stop and she grabbed Rei's arm and pulled her out.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Rei snapped.

"I panicked ok!"

"You panicked when the hottest guy I've ever seen starts walking towards you! Are you insane?"

"Maybe. And don't you think you're overreacting just a bit? He's not the most gorgeous guy to ever walk the planet."

"I suppose if you're going to be comparing him to Endymion then that may actually be true."

"Can I get through an entire day without a mention or thought of Endymion? I'm sure he'd be deeply satisfied to know that it's as though he never left because he seems to be haunting me just as before! Not everything in my life revolves around him, so from here on let's just not mention his name again!"

"Now who's overreacting?" Rei muttered beneath her breath.

They had just completed the lengthy trek up the stairs from the subway when Rei grabbed her and whispered.

"Don't look now but I think your subway buddy is behind us."

"Great," Usagi muttered sarcastically. Every moment it found a chance her life grew more complicated. She'd lost her virginity, lost her lover, and now it seemed the doppelganger of her long lost fiancée was following her down the streets of Tokyo.

Rei glanced over at Usagi who kept walking without looking back. Why couldn't she just admit that she loved Endymion? Rei was certainly no expert on love or sex; in fact other people's behavior concerning both subjects baffled her completely.

How could one involve oneself with another person on such a deeply physical level and not get emotionally involved? Sometimes, from what she could see, it seemed possible, but then other times when people tried to separate their emotions from their sexual involvements it was disastrous. Was that what Usagi had tried to do with Endymion?

From what she could understand at least one of them, most likely both, had unintentionally invested a great deal of emotion, that at least one of them was having problems identifying, into their relationship and while she had no clue as to how Endymion dealt with things she was almost certain that Usagi was in denial.

Of course there was the possibility that Usagi wasn't lying and she really didn't love him, but somehow that didn't seem quite right. What she was having a hard time understanding was why Usagi, if she did love the man, couldn't or wouldn't admit it?

After a short walk they entered the mall and headed for the escalators. It seemed both girls had momentarily forgotten the man following them. Their friend didn't seem to have forgotten them however. Usagi entered the first clothing store to their right as they stepped off the escalator and He followed them in, surprising her by stepping right in her path.

"Hi," he greeted confidently as though they'd been friends forever.

She returned his greeting tentatively with a slight question in her tone and a very skeptical look on her face. The instincts that belonged to any twenty-first century female with common sense kicked in. This guy could be a stalker, a murderer, a rapist; he could be anyone.

He looked so much like Mael. But looking into his eyes, the resemblance seemed entirely on the surface.

He recognized the look on her face. It was the skeptical, wary, look of a girl about to be hit on by a perfect, potentially dangerous, stranger. He held up both hands in a gesture that was supposed to convey his innocence.

"I'm not a stalker."

Usagi raised a dubious eyebrow but said nothing.

"I'm merely a guy trying to hit on a beautiful girl."

A small, somewhat unintentional smile spread on her face. "What? No line?"

"What makes you think that wasn't a line?" he replied.

"I'd hope you'd be more creative than that."

"And I'd like to think I didn't need one."

Usagi said nothing, waiting patiently for him to get to the point.

"I go to your school you know," he said and she was surprised.

"I don't think I've ever seen you before." She was sure she'd have remembered. But then again, she wasn't the most observant person, particularly on school grounds.

"I just started. I'm a senior. I've seen you."

When she said nothing, he took the moment to introduce himself. "I'm Hisahiko."

She paused for a moment, deciding whether or not to give him her name.

"Usagi," she replied, after consideration.

He smiled thoughtfully. "The name doesn't really suit you. Bunnys are such fidgety creatures. You seem… controlled."

She raised an eyebrow at that comment, pushing away a frown that wanted to come to the surface. 'control', that word was becoming too familiar.

"That's a deep observation considering I just met you."

"I'm an observant kind of guy. Wait don't say it," he said suddenly.

"Say what?"

"You were probably about to say: 'Observe this: I'm not interested.'"

Usagi couldn't help but smile. "I wasn't." Even if she should, just on principle.

"Get turned down a lot?" she questioned mischievously.

"No not really." He didn't expand on the subject.

"So since you weren't going to say that, I don't suppose you would mind if I took down your number?"

"It's going to be hard to take it down if I don't give it to you."

"And you seem like the type of person interested in making other people's lives easier."

Usagi thought for a moment. If there were ever a way to get past Endymion and to make sure everyone else forgot him this was certainly one way. It wasn't as though she got hit on by a cute guy everyday. In fact, she couldn't recall it ever happening.

He certainly seemed likeable enough and despite his resemblance to Mael, he seemed nothing like him. She decided, in a flash decision to give him her number.

"Well don't you have a little black book or something?" she asked. "Or is it too big to carry around with you?"

He seemed only slightly surprised at her decision. He pulled out a card from one of his pockets and handed her a pen. She wrote her number down. The decision only seemed a little insane after she'd made it.

"I will call you," he announced in a way that was oddly convincing. "Maybe I'll even see you in school tomorrow. Goodbye Usagi."

When he left Usagi suddenly became aware of a very stunned Rei.

"What?" she asked as though she were oblivious to what had just occurred.

"There is definitely something wrong with you."

****

Usagi arrived home late from the mall with nothing to show for her efforts. She hadn't been particularly in the mood for shopping but she had tried. She had tried on a half dozen items just to get Rei off her back. She sat down at the kitchen table and watched her mother finish cleaning up the last of the dinner dishes.

"How was the mall?" Her mother asked.

"It was ok I guess."

"You don't sound too enthusiastic."

"It's only the mall."

Ikuko sighed. Usagi used to think shopping was the high point of life.

"Have their been any more attacks?" she asked tentatively.

Usagi was silent for a moment before answering. "No. There haven't. That doesn't mean that there won't be any more in the future," she added.

"I know you don't want to think about it but your father and I would really like it if you'd just think about some of those schools Usagi."

Usagi played with her fingers mindlessly, staring down at her hands rather than facing her mother's concerned eyes.

"I have, Mom. It's just not really an option."

"It's just that especially with this thing with Endymion…"

"Can we not talk about him?" Usagi asked stiffly. "He's gone."

"All I'm saying is that you need to get your mind off everything around here."

"I know that. But you know what I have to do. Leaving isn't an option."

"You can't just be a senshi forever, Usa. What about what you need? What about your future?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything ok! Why do we keep talking about it like it's something I have control over? I didn't choose this life. Sometimes I wish I never became Sailor Moon, that I was just perfectly normal, but I can't just wish it all away. This is the way it is, I have accepted that so can we just let it go!"

Her mother was silent and the tension in the air was thick.

"I'm sorry Mom. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just frustrated that's all."

"I know there's a lot of pressure on you. I just don't want you to give up on your future."

"I know."

Usagi left the room, rubbing her stiff neck as she went to her room. She looked over at the books on her desk. She had to be in school tomorrow. She had a test on Tuesday that she wouldn't be prepared for even she studied. She tried to sleep but only tossed and turned fitfully well into the night.

Late night, or early morning she lay wide awake, flat on her back staring into the darkness. She'd had a dream, not unlike the ones Endymion induced. Of course there was something significant missing. There was the desire but not the fulfillment. There had been all the sensations that his touch provoked but they'd all faded to nothing. She felt empty and desperate. Why did she want him so much?

She gave up on trying to sleep and got up and turned on the light. She should probably do something to fill the time until the sun rose and she had to get ready for school. She sighed as she looked at the pile of books on her desk. Now would be as good a time as any to try to catch up on some studying. Unfortunately none of those books were looking particularly appealing at the moment.

She walked over and picked one that seemed more readable than the others. She flipped through it first before finally settling on a chapter with which she thought she should finally begin studying.

***

At the end of the next school day Usagi was worn out. She could hardly wait to get home and relax. She frowned a little as she picked her books up. She wouldn't get to relax; she had to study. 'Study', a short word to describe the torturous nature of the activity.

She jumped in surprise and nearly dropped the books in her arms when she turned around only to find someone standing there.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

She looked up to see Hisahiko.

"Hi," she said trying to force a smile but the expression far more resembled a grimace. It hadn't been a good day. Early in the morning, when studying had had it's usual effect, she'd fallen asleep at her desk with her books open and had rushed to get dressed and make it out of the house but she had still shown up late for class. Mitchell hadn't bothered with detention; he'd sent her to the principal's office. She supposed he'd hoped to have her suspended but all she'd gotten was a forty-minute lecture on punctuality and the importance of a good education. She was becoming much too familiar with school administration or more importantly; they were becoming very familiar with her.

He'd then sent her to the guidance counselor's office where she'd waited for over an hour only to find out that the guidance counselor had gone home early and all that wasted time caused her to miss the review for her chemistry exam. She'd also been forced to make up a quiz she'd forgotten about, and missed while sitting in the principal's office, but she may as well have not taken it, because she failed miserably.

"Hisahiko raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "You really should smile more."

"Nothing to smile about," she grumbled. They walked towards the exit of the school building.

"It can't be that bad."

"And yet somehow it is."

"Want to talk about it?"

She was silent for a moment in consideration. She knew nothing about him, had only met him yesterday. It seemed inappropriate to share even the slightest bit of personal information with a perfect stranger no matter his attractive qualities.

"No. I'll be ok," she replied, choosing not to share. "It has just been a bad day, not unlike a dozen others before it."

He nodded in understanding. "How about I try and cheer you up?"

She looked at him questioningly.

"How about I take you out now, for… I guess we could call it a pre-dinner late lunch slash afternoon snack."

Usagi smiled. "I don't think I can go for a meal that complicated. I have to study for an exam anyway."

"You don't sound too excited about it."

"I don't think anyone, besides Ami that is, could actually be excited about studying for chemistry. They certainly wouldn't be if they were me."

"How about I help you study?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Helping you study would make an interesting prelude to my actually asking you out."

She was once again surprised and a bit thrown off. "I don't think you're supposed to tell me that."

"I wouldn't want you to be unprepared."

"You're serious aren't you?" She questioned, not quite sure he meant to help her.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm good with science and I have nothing better to do and even if I did I'm sure it wouldn't be nearly as interesting as spending time with you."

"You certainly have a way with words," she commented quietly.

When she'd given him her number at the mall she hadn't really been hoping that he'd call. The idea of using him to get over Endymion had been merely an idea and perhaps not even a good one. Of course, there wasn't supposed to be anything to get over so technically there wasn't a need for anyone else.

Now that she was faced with the actual prospect of having to make a decision whether or not to accept a date from Hisahiko, she was more than a little nervous. She kept attempting to push away the intruding sensation of guilt that kept thrusting against the edges of her mind.

There was nothing to be guilty over, she reminded herself. Endymion was… she stopped herself from following the line of thought. There would be no more thoughts of Endymion.

"… library?"

"Huh?" Usagi questioned. She'd been so involved with her thoughts; she hadn't heard what he'd said.

"Do you want to go to the library?" he repeated.

"I suppose so."

***

A half an hour later, Usagi was already grateful for his help. She had a feeling she might actually leave with some semblance of understanding of the subject.

"…No, not that one," he said covering her hand with his and pointing out the correct illustration in the book.

She pulled her hand away suddenly before she could even think it through. She knew he'd noticed; there was really no way he couldn't have. She refused to look up to see his expression. He was undoubtedly insulted or perhaps confused that she didn't want him to touch her.

It wasn't anything so simple as that. Just then his touch had sparked a memory. Endymion's touch had always made her shiver; he was both gentle and rough all at once. He…she'd promised not to think about him anymore.

She returned her attention to the book before her; or rather she tried. She couldn't seem to focus.

"I don't understand," she said for the third time. She could sense the effort it was taking him not to get frustrated as he tried to explain how to name carbon compounds for the third time.

He sighed and put down the pen he held in his hand. "There's something else on your mind besides studying. Care to share?"

She pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head. "No. I'd just really like to get through this. She stared down at the textbook, not even seeing the multitude of words and formulas. She had never felt this confused and out of sync in her life. Everyday it got worse and she was actually beginning to think that maybe Rei was right, that maybe she did miss him.

But it wasn't relevant anymore.

"Usagi?"

She looked up at him questioning.

"I know we just met but I'd really like to get to know you better. If there's something bothering you, you can tell me.

Usagi looked up at him for a moment, staring into his eyes. He looked so much like Mael but she couldn't remember seeing this kind of caring and concern in her ex-fiancée's eyes.

Usagi looked down at her fingers. "I don't want to insult you but I don't feel comfortable telling you my problems yet."

He smiled in understanding and she was surprised at just how considerate he was.

She looked down at her watch. She hadn't realized so much time had passed since they'd been here. If she didn't hurry, she'd be late for dinner.

"You have to go?" he guessed.

"Yeah, time for dinner soon. I didn't realize we'd been here so long. I really appreciate your help." Maybe if she rushed out of here he wouldn't have a chance to ask her out. She grabbed her books and papers and began shoving them into her bag. He handed her the books scattered over the table."

"Usagi…"

Damn it! She wasn't going to be fast enough.

"…Would you like to go out with me some time?"

She took a good look at him, examining the beauty of his features and sincerity of his eyes, now a dark green in the subdued lighting, and knew that she would say yes. The strange part was that it wasn't because she sensed any sort of budding feelings for him. He was attractive but she couldn't see herself being with him at any point in her future. She would say yes because this seemed like the thing to do. There was no better way to rid one's self of a nagging thought than replacing it with another. In her mind she pushed Endymion's image aside and pictured Hisahiko's face.

It was strange. Hadn't she tried to do this same thing so long ago, concentrate on this same face? The difference was where Mael's eyes had always been passionless and bland, Hisahiko's were concerned and happy. Were they really so different or was it a separation she created in her mind to deny the idea that she might actually be falling into the same trap she had the first time around? Her instincts said differently though.

Even if this were Mael's reincarnation it didn't make him the same person. The Mael she'd known had been a product of circumstance and environment. Besides, this time she wasn't blind, and she had a choice, and no intention of taking this any further than she could control absolutely.

"Sure," she replied simply. It was such a simple answer, such a short reply to such a meaningful question. She supposed the toughest questions always seemed to have the simplest of answers.

"How about Friday?" he asked.

She didn't even bother to come up with an excuse and she had been preparing a dozen mentally.

"Ok."

They walked out of the library quietly together, stopping in front of the large building.

"Well I'm going in the opposite direction," he announced and for a moment he just stood there looking at her intently. "Good luck on your test tomorrow, he wished finally."

To Usagi's surprise he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She was frozen in her state of shock simply staring at him as he walked away waving at her.

***

The entire week seemed a countdown to Friday. She agonized over the little things mentally. What would she wear? What would she do if and when he wanted to kiss her?

It was amazing to her that with the thoughts occupying her mind she managed to completely dismiss the feeling of uncertainty about whether she'd passed her test or not. After the exam she had not felt the familiar sensation of having failed disastrously but she was afraid of being optimistic. Why court disappointment?

Hisahiko had called to find out how she did and she had actually spent a comfortable half hour on the phone talking to him. It hadn't been an important discussion or a deeply personal one, just chatter. When she'd eventually hung up she couldn't help but feel a little bit of guilt. Was she leading him to believe she was honestly more interested than she was? Was this even the right thing to do?

On something of an up side however, with Friday's date on her mind she had managed to limit all thoughts of 'Him' to a bare minimum. In fact, completely involuntarily, Hisahiko's image popped up in her head. Of course 'He' still remained a needling thought in the back of her mind and the ultimate cause of her lack of sleep. Everyday was a mental battle, trying to determine why she just couldn't let him go.

***

Friday morning arrived and although she'd gone to bed early in an attempt to get as much sleep as she possibly could to prepare for later, she still awoke with the same weariness that she had every morning recently. This morning was only different in that she'd woken in the middle of the night racked with sobs. She had been momentarily terrified by the thoughts that had resulted in her tears but eventually her tears had worn her out and she'd fallen asleep once more.

She had time; or rather she made time, to contemplate the meaning behind the awful dream that had awoken her in the night while in the middle of her math class. She was too mentally distracted to pay any attention to Mitchell and her mood was somber.

She only vaguely remembered details from parts of the dream Unfortunately all the important parts of it remained fresh in her mind.

It had been the end of the world, as far she'd known. Everything had been black with death and blood stained and her own moment had come. It had finally been her turn to join her friends and countrymen in the finale of death's dance.

Beryl had taken pleasure in confronting her personally. Perhaps feeling the steel blade in her hands as it slid into the flesh of her victim would be more satisfying than merely ripping her apart with energy. At the very last minute however, Endymion had arrived, placing himself in the precarious position between her and Beryl's blade.

He'd offered himself up in exchange for her life. She could still hear the sickening sound of Beryl's laughter that seemed to shake her very bones. Beryl hadn't considered the Earth's Prince of much value because she'd slid the sword through his side and into the heart of the Princess standing behind him.

She could still remember the sound of the sword as it was pulled from her body and his. The sound announced her death and the last thing she saw was Endymion's terror-filled blue eye staring down into hers with horror as the dark shadows crept in. There had been something in his eyes that had comforted her for a brief moment; something that terrified her now that she was awake.

He loved her.