Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Inner Demons ❯ Chapter 3: Denial ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Title: Inner Demons - Chapter 3: Denial
Pairing: Gojyo/Sanzo (naturally)
Rating: Mostly Worksafe
A/N: New chapter! *dances* I dedicate this to dear uruchan who kept poking me to get this out 9_9
Length: 10904 words (barely 22 pages)

Disclaimer: Pphht, I wish I owed them *sulks*

Warnings: implied 5x3, angst, violence, innuendo, and general potty-mouth. And remember kids, it's YAOI, so no likie, no readie.

ALSO: Thar be a dream sequence in italics.

Inner Demons

Chapter Three
Denial


Gojyo dearly wished he could pound Goku's stupid, annoying head in. It just wasn't fair, watching him shake with suppressed laughter across the table well out of his reach, a pile of fresh meat buns sitting in front of him. Hakkai sitting with that irritating placating smile beside him did not help matters.

Asshole<</i>/i>, Gojyo thought crossly, rubbing at his bruised, aching jaw, the very source of the monkey's amusement, and, Gojyo had a sinking suspicion, meat buns. Ha fucking ha, Sanzo punched me. Get the hell over it. The kappa stretched his sore jaw, wincing as his split lip pulled, and bit sourly at his bacon, glowering at the lowered blonde head beside Hakkai responsible for all of his current humiliation and torment, Genjo Sanzo; sexually repressed, most times psychotic, always overwhelmingly beautiful. Utterly tempting and untouchable. Life just wasn't fair.

Yeah, okay, I get that he hates me, I get that he hates people touching him, but did he really have to fucking deck me when I woke him up last night? It was hard for Gojyo to forget that abrupt violent outburst that had followed a brief stunned silence after Sanzo's eyes had flown open. And to think he had actually been concerned about the stupid bastard. The kappa could still almost feel the worry twist in his gut again when he remembered the shock that had melted into an absolute panic in violet eyes -- right before burning rage and a hard fist had sent fire spiking through Gojyo's skull.

After that things had escalated beyond weird. Dazed and his ears ringing from the blow, Gojyo had watched in amazement as Sanzo shouted at him, more furious than he thought he had ever seen him before. The kappa almost thought it a shame that he hadn't understood a word the monk had said, but his head had been reeling too much, and even so, Sanzo, while in top ranting form, had not quite been himself; that much had been very clear to Gojyo by the pitch and tremor of the blonde's voice and the dissonance of emotion flooding through the careful mask that was starting to crack.

The yelling had not lasted long, although to the red head it had felt like hours he had watched that vein throb in the monk's temple, marveled at the exact manner the rage shook through his lean body. In a moment that Gojyo somehow missed, sprawled as he was on the floor from the force of the blonde's hit, Sanzo was up and out of his bed, shutting himself in the bathroom with a resounding slam and not reemerging or speaking to him any longer for the rest of the night. Bewildered, the kappa had looked back and forth between the empty bed and the shut door for a full two minutes before fully realizing what had just happened.

He had pushed himself shakily to his feet, feeling faintly nauseous, and the idle wonder of how the shitty monk could have landed such a blow flat on his back drifted through his mind before his senses started too cooperate with him again and allowed him to focus. It was then Gojyo registered the sound of breaking glass and incomprehensible words being ground past lips on the other side of the feeble barrier Sanzo had put between them.

What the fuck is going on? He had asked himself, not for the first or last time in reference to the blonde. With more than a little trepidation, the kappa had approached the door, squinting in the broken light filtering beneath it, before very carefully testing the knob to find it locked. No big surprise there... Swallowing, Gojyo had knocked three times on the chipped wood. "...Sanzo?"

The noise coming from inside the bathroom had ceased abruptly for a moment before something Gojyo hoped hadn't belonged to him crashed into the door and shattered.

The red head had decided to simply go back to bed after that, and tried to ignore the muffled sounds of destruction as much as he tried to ignore the questions that began plaguing his mind. Suffice to say, he hadn't gotten very much sleep. It wasn't until much later, much after the noise had faded in the hour just before dawn and Gojyo's head worked it's way around everything, that he had marveled at the fact that he had not met the barrel of Sanzo's Smith & Wesson...and he had to wonder why.

It wasn't that Gojyo was going to question his good luck, but the truth remained that he'd had that goddamned piece of metal pulled on him for next to nothing, and last night, when Sanzo had been more...upset than he had ever seen him, even if he didn't get why, then why had he not had to say "hello" to the monk's little friend? Had he really been that disoriented? Gojyo had been under the impression that pulling the gun on people was automatic, a reflex for Sanzo, so...Argh! Stop thinking about this shit! the kappa snapped at himself.

After the incident in the room that night, when the monk had reemerged from the bathroom that morning well after Gojyo had left, Sanzo's recent strange, skittish behavior had managed to warp back to something more like normal under all outside appearances, but had in fact amplified the blonde into a creature utterly unlike himself while he worked hard, in Gojyo's opinion quite obviously, at acting like everything was perfectly fine. Maybe if "fine" stands for fucked-up, insane, neurotic, and erratic. The kappa thought bitterly. Gojyo couldn't help but notice this new standard of neurosis almost exclusively applied to himself and that the monk seemed to be avoiding him at all costs, sending him peculiar, frightened glances when he thought he wasn't paying attention.

And now he's not even pretendingto eat anything, Gojyo noted dourly to himself as he watched Sanzo swirl his coffee in his mug, deftly avoiding Hakkai's gaze as well as anyone else's. His eyes lingered on pale hands, bruised and covered in scabbing lacerations from what the kappa could only assume was as a result of the bathroom trashing, and Gojyo couldn't help but be deeply disgusted with the entire situation. Yeah, you helped so fucking much. Now he won't even look at anyone, talk to anyone, or act like a normal fucking person at all, but just sit there and hide under the pretense of what we expect of him. He's doing a shitty job of it, at that.

Perhaps the very thing bothering the red head the most at the moment, however, was how completely unconcerned Hakkai and Goku seemed to be. Gojyo just couldn't understand it. Goku sat there laughing like the idiotic monkey he was and Hakkai with his irksome, indulgent smile while beside them, bundled in white silk and hiding behind golden hair, twitching and pale, something was so very, very wrong. Were they blind or did they just no longer care? Whatever the reason Gojyo was growing more and more aggravated by the minute and had to try diverting his thoughts again, stabbing moodily at his eggs.

Hell, if he didn't know any better, he might have even thought Hakkai was pleased with how everything had turned out; that Sanzo had lost his mind and Gojyo's jaw was black and blue.

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He was surely losing his mind. That was the only clear explanation that Sanzo could swallow by the time he had stopped hyperventilating in the grubby little bathroom, stopped trying to rip his hair out in bloody yellow clumps, stopped throwing anything that wasn't bolted to the motley tiled floor. No. No, no, nonononononoNO! I am not fantasizing about fucking that goddamn kappa half-breed!

It wasn't true. It was as simple as that. It just wasn't true.

That was what he had told himself, over and over again as he had paced from the edge of the tub to the door and back, five steps, glancing feverishly into the mirror desperate to see someone he recognized at each pass. In hindsight he probably shouldn't have driven his fist through the mirror; it had hurt like hell, made a huge mess, and, he was sure, had drawn Gojyo's attention. But he'd had to break that fucking reflection; to destroy that image of himself he had seen -- he still couldn't get it out of his head, shaking, white, terrified, confused, and something...something he couldn't bear to put a name to without slitting his wrists. He wasn't that person. He wasn't.

Keep telling yourself that.

Now, sitting in the godforsaken jeep, Sanzo would have gladly riddled all of his companions with holes to regain that earlier scene from the inn bathroom. Sitting at a table across from the cockroach had been bad enough, trying to pretend he wasn't there, that he wasn't glancing at him every three minutes, but now the tension in the jeep was making it hard to breath again, making the monk squirm in his seat. He really wished his stomach would unclench, that his breathing would level, that his hands would stop shaking. He wished even more that the red head would stop staring at him, because oh yes, he could most certainly feel the heat of those fiery eyes burning holes into the back of his head, the burden of that heavy, questioning gaze. Sanzo really wanted to curl up into a little ball and die, to disappear.

It made no sense. Why in the names of the Gods would he dream about...about doing that with...with that goddamn fucking perverted asshole?! And why did he get so fucking flustered whenever he thought about it? About him? Why did it send his heart rate spiking and a flush that he could just feel blooming across his skin? Why did it make him that much more anxious and his stomach twist up in that many more knots? And why did Hakkai keep glancing at him? If he didn't know any better Sanzo would swear that the stupid bastard almost looked smug about something, and from the way he kept sending looks his way the blonde had a sinking suspicion that it had to do with his current predicament. Yet that made even less sense than everything else; why on Earth would Hakkai be glad, or how would he know for that matter, that Sanzo was losing his marbles because his subconscious thought it would be funny to give him nightmares about screwing the kappa?

Sanzo huffed and slumped down further in his seat, still ignoring the eyes boring into the back of his head as he wrapped his arms tightly around his middle in a sad attempt to hold himself together. He did have to wonder about the part of the dream that did not exclusively include himself and the kappa...sort of. Now he thought he knew what he had barely been grasping the night Hakkai had interrogated him weeks before, but it all made no less sense knowing the details as he did now. Who were Konzen and Kenren? He could recall, if he really tried, being called Konzen before by that joke of a Merciful Goddess when he had been half dead and she had descended from on high, and even by Homura and his motley crew during their confrontations, although he usually tried to forget that entire ordeal. So then...Sanzo scowled and shook his head in agitation and perhaps denial, his head and chest aching. He didn't think he could handle the full ramifications of following that thought process through to the very end -- not now, not ever. He was sick to even entertain the possibility. That is one rabbit hole I will not go down.

Coward.

Shut up!

The monk sighed and glared at the dry scenery flashing past them in the sultry heat that had begun to creep back into the climate despite the latening time of year. Chewing on his lip he tried to contemplate what his possible next move might be; the most tempting certainly was to simply shoot the kappa dead. Of course, that plan of action always had considerable merit no matter the circumstances of whatever problem Sanzo was debating, but currently, that idea had never been more appealing. The second option was to just act normal...but judging from the way Gojyo and the others kept looking at him he was already failing in that attempt despite how hard he had been trying. What then?

Sanzo's miserable mental ramblings were cut short when the jeep was brought to an abrupt stop, throwing him slightly into the dash and sufficiently jarring thoughts of multiple homicide out of his head. Whipping his head up, it was easy to see the reason why Hakkai had found it necessary to halt; fifty yards away, a large band of obviously hostile demons stood in disorder across the rocky terrain, brandishing weapons and fists. Sanzo snorted in disgust, no matter how thankful he was for the distraction. Pathetic. At least now he could actually give in to his desire to kill a few halfwit demons and actually have a viable excuse.

The ikkou launched themselves at the demon horde without hesitation, Sanzo's head throbbing dully as he whipped his gun out of his volumous sleeve and followed the others into the fray. Kougaiji had not been kidding this time, because from what the monk could see there were over two hundred demons in the opposing force -- not that he minded. All the more to take out his frustrations on. He couldn't help but be satisfied every time a bullet hit home and one more demon struck the dirt, that small twisted part of himself finding humor for the first time in weeks in the bloody act.

There must be something wrong with me, the blonde thought with an air of vague despair as he reloaded his gun, elbowing a demon that had tried to sneak up on him from behind in the face and sufficiently breaking his nose and driving the bone upward into his brain, killing him with the quick violent move.

The demons' numbers began to dwindle, and it became apparent that Sanzo was not the only one in a bad mood. Gojyo's wrath appeared unmatched whenever the monk chanced a glance in the kappa's direction, he and his companions drifting further and further apart as the fight wore on. Suffice to say, when that sickle blade whistled around to meet some poor sap's head, the sucker never knew what hit him; that much was obvious from the shock on their ill-bred faces when their heads were unexpectedly no longer attached to their bodies.

As time crawled by and they were still grossly outnumbered however, it seemed Sanzo was starting to get a bit too distracted by the straying thoughts that kept flitting back to the idiot half-breed, and his reflexes, reaction time, and focus were not at all up to par to allow for such interruptions in his limited concentration, dulled by a numbing fatigue and the cruel jokes of his subconscious mind. So, right when it seemed the scuffle was coming to an end and a set of claws flashed in Sanzo's peripheral vision, the monk's over-taxed mind just did not process the significance fast enough.

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Hakkai jerked his head sharply away from his opponents, not halting in his attack but merely no longer paying any direct attention, at the distinct strangled cry of pain he recognized to be Sanzo's, a cry that ended abruptly and set worry flaring like fire through his system. Oh no, He fired off an explosive charge of chi as a quick violent end to his diminishing confrontations and ran off in a hurry towards the direction the sound had come from, wondering what the damage could possibly be this time, yet at the same time terrified of finding out. He still had not forgotten that last battle, when he had truly thought for that one infinite moment that they had lost the monk.

Hakkai could see thirty yards away a smaller figure streaking in the same direction he was headed and knew that Goku remembered the fear, remembered Sanzo's stark white skin and broken body, and was not surprised when his younger companion reached the monk's side first. "Sanzo? Sanzo? Sanzo!"

Hakkai felt his throat tighten a degree as Goku's strained voice carried across to him and he picked up his pace, noticing numbly that Gojyo was busy on clean-up duty, taking care of all of the straggling survivors with vicious sharp movements all the while sending nervous glances in the monk's direction. Reaching the monk and the monkey the healer skidded to a halt and felt his stomach roll, because for a long, terrible moment, all he could see was the blood, and a barrage of broken memories swarmed through his mind and threatened to take hold.

"Hakkai! Do something!" Goku shouted at him, tears in his eyes as he clung to a barely conscious monk and tried to stop the bleeding, snapping the healer out of his moment of drowning in sick recall. Hakkai blinked and shook himself from the memories, crouching in the dust that was running red beside the two huddled figures he had almost been unable to distinguish at first glance.

Hakkai's heart beat painfully in his throat, wondering what the monk had let happen to him as he watched him shaking madly in the dirt, bleeding out over everything in floods, unable to hold himself upright, his breaths choking and gurgling loudly in his throat, harsh and labored, blood seeping thickly through white lips and down his chin.

"Goku, let me see." Hakkai was shocked at how steady his voice was.

Goku sent a frightened look between Hakkai and Sanzo's faces, the latter's twisted with pain and paying him no attention, before carefully shifting his weight beneath Sanzo's torso and removing his hands from where they had been tightly pressed, revealing the source of the fountaining blood. The damage was localized, but the location made Hakkai's chest constrict and he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a short moment after being assaulted by the image of the vicious rents in pale flesh, stark in contrast next to the torn black fragments of the monk's clothing on white, white skin. "Goku," Hakkai asked quietly, carefully, "would you please get me my bag from the jeep?"

Goku swallowed and nodded before gently shifting the blonde's weight from his own lap into the healer's. Settling him carefully across his legs, Hakkai quickly checked his pulse, Not good, and hurriedly ripped Sanzo's top open at the collar to pull the shredded black fabric away from the wounds that ripped through his left trapezius and into his neck. The demon who had hit him had clearly been trying to take his head off; either that or rip his throat out. Luckily the demon had been too slow to achieve his goal, but unfortunately Sanzo had also been too slow to prevent the only-too-possible hemorrhage Hakkai now had on his hands. He didn't have to ask why that had been.

He looked up and smiled a thanks when Goku returned with his bag of medical supplies in a flash and very hastily began cleaning the gashes, exceedingly worried by how very much blood was flowing from the priest's neck, before pressing his hands to the lacerations, the glow of healing chi flowing through and out of his palms, searching for all of the damage as he began to knit blood vessels and nerve endings back together again, a tear in the wind pipe, Sanzo breathing harshly in his ear. "Tore open the Jugular and nicked the Carotid artery," he mumbled to himself as he closed them back up and stopped the most severe of the bleeding, " broke the clavicle...it had just healed..."

Hakkai continued to focus, turning his attention onto muscle tissue and tendons, mutely registering the extra presence when Gojyo stepped up behind him and swore loudly, his shakujo hitting the dirt with a resounding clatter as it slipped from his fingers slackened in shock. It seemed he was finally done with getting rid of the rest of the demons. Goku said something back, in a tone of anger it sounded like, and Gojyo snapped back at him in a predictable fashion. Hakkai frowned a little to himself and wondered silently what they could possibly be arguing about at such a time, until Sanzo weakly groaned at them to shut the fuck up in a voice that cracked and gurgled wetly, choking and inadvertently coughing blood onto Hakkai's legs. It was quiet then, and Hakkai had to wonder at the oddity of Gojyo and Goku actually listening to Sanzo. He must look quite awful, The healer thought in vague distraction as he began focusing on the layers of skin , seeming to have forgotten just how grim the scene had been when he had first laid eyes upon it, too intent on what he was doing, his muscles starting to shake with the effort of expending so much energy but determined to fix as much of the damage as he could, refusing to give Sanzo any excuse to slip through their fingers as he had nearly done the last time and could only too possibly do now.

After a moment longer Hakkai pulled back, the glow fading from his hands, and blinked as the world came back into full focus around him, spinning slightly. Ignoring the shaking of his hands he gently ran his fingers over the tender new skin and scabbing that had formed under his ministrations, heaving a small sigh of relief at how well and how far the wounds had healed, much more than he had hoped. Carefully he ripped Sanzo's top further to the arm to expose the priest's creamy shoulder and run exploratory fingers over the muscles and tendons there, feeling Sanzo jerk under his touch.

"I'm sorry, does that hurt?" He asked quietly, finally looking to meet Sanzo's weak gaze. He frowned at how very pale and pained Sanzo looked, how drained, how glassy and unfocused his eyes were. "I'll wrap your shoulder to immobilize it, as I did when you broke your clavicle before, and that should help with the pain." He continued, and set to work bandaging the claw marks and wrapping Sanzo's shoulder to keep it secure and immobile, having to move Sanzo into a more upright position leaning against his chest to do so. Hakkai fought back a small smile when Sanzo scowled through the haze of pain and threatening unconsciousness, disgruntled at the limited range of motion, his left arm now curling naturally against his abdomen.

He draped the luckily untorn (though thoroughly stained) robes that had been hanging about his slim waist over the blonde's narrow shoulders to cover his half-bare torso before very carefully helping him try to rise to his feet, Goku hurrying to lend a hand when Sanzo's legs proved to be incapable of holding his weight, unsurprisingly so. "Do try to be more careful next time, Sanzo," Hakkai said in a low, serious voice, before saying more loudly, "We'll get you cleaned up better when we stop for the night. I'm not sure if we'll make the next town by nightfall or not, but we'll see how long the light lasts us and how long Hakuryuu will put up with our abuse."

Sanzo said nothing, and legs trembling, moved to try and take a step before promptly collapsing, the strain, blood loss, and pain finally being too much for him. Hakkai and Goku caught his sudden dead weight easily, the former deftly swinging the unconscious monk up into his arms to carry him bridal style to the jeep, where he deposited him carefully into the back seat with Goku so he could keep an eye on him.

Finally remembering the strange absence of his presence, Hakkai swung his gaze about in search of Gojyo, spotting him still standing by the spot they had all just been surrounding, staring at the blood congealing thickly in the dirt. "Gojyo?"

The red head blinked and stood there a moment longer before slowly turning and following the others, a strange, strained expression mixed with a frown across his face, amplified and harshened by his bruised jaw. "Gojyo?" Hakkai asked again, concern lacing the words lightly, walking to meet his friend as he headed towards them. "Are you all right?"

Gojyo's frown deepened by a large degree, his hands tense at his side, his shakujo retrieved from the dirt in his hand and still covered in the blood of demons. "Sanzo never gets caught by attacks like that." he said in a low voice that surprised Hakkai with it's intense anger.

The healer looked at the kappa speculatively and thought carefully about his words. "Everyone has an off day from time to time."

"It's been an off couple of months, Hakkai!" Gojyo flared. "It almost got him killed today. We've been lucky to have not been attacked like this for a while before now or it probably would have happened sooner."

Hakkai continued to regard his friend warily and said in a more hushed tone, "I'm not really sure what you expect us to be able to do about it. That is more up to Sanzo than to any of us, as you more than proved last night." A smile fought to quirk the corners of his lips up. And I wasn't going to say I told you so...ah, well...I do think he still gave our foul-tempered friend a revelation as I hoped he would, but not with very good results...

Gojyo's expression turned positively irate, his crimson eyes blazing and lips pulling back into a half-snarl. "Fuck you, Hakkai! I didn't even do a goddamn thing to that stupid whiney bitch so don't blame me for all of his new bullshit!"

Hakkai's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline as Gojyo stormed off, radiating unhappiness. Oh my. I think Gojyo has invested more into Sanzo than I originally thought he had... He looked sadly at the jeep, at Sanzo slumped and covered in red in the back, at Gojyo glaring in the direction furthest from the monk, and Goku, utterly baffled by the most recent change in the group atmosphere, miserable next to his felled mentor. Hakkai sighed. It's going to be a long night.</</i>i>

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Gojyo's stomach was still churning by the time dusk had fallen and the forest began to ripple with the noise of its nocturnal inhabitants. The jeep had slowed it's pace considerably to wind through the narrow path that seemed to have not been driven on in quite a few years. It seemed there was no chance of reaching civilization for the night. Dammit. He had wanted nothing more than a bar and a body to lose himself in for the night, to forget...everything.

The kappa blew his hair out of his face and stared boredly into the trees, trying not to think about the events of the afternoon, the reason his stomach was still twisted up in knots. But why? Why had he been pushed to the point of physical pain when he'd seen Sanzo curled in the dirt, chalk white and on the verge of bleeding out, choking on his own blood? Why could he not rid himself of this new image of Sanzo covered in red, the image that had been congealing behind him in the back of the jeep for an hour? And why did that send spikes of agony racing through his chest?

There was a part of him, whispering in the back of his mind, that knew. In his heart of hearts Gojyo could not pretend he did not know why it hurt him to imagine Sanzo not being there tomorrow, bastard that he was; but when had it gotten to that point? When had that something vital changed, and Sanzo had become more than a sexual fantasy? Gojyo shook his head, sighing to himself. He really didn't see the point in going down that road. It wouldn't do him any good.

He rubbed at his eyes and looked up as Hakkai slowed the jeep to slow stop, looking around at wherever they'd been spat for the night. It was a small dull clearing with a water source nearby that Gojyo could hear, a quiet and secluded place that was nothing special but a hell of a lot better than the blood, bodies, and dust of the open space they'd left behind.

Gojyo couldn't wait to get out of the jeep and felt oddly irritated when Goku didn't move in his seat, the monk's head in his lap, and Hakkai lingered as well, leaning over the back seat to brush fingers across Sanzo's forehead to see how he was doing. Or maybe, a snide, sinister voice in Gojyo's head piped up, You're just jealous.

Shut the fuck up! I am notjealous. Great, now he was arguing with himself. About the goddamned monk. Just fucking great.

The kappa stalked away a few feet and lit a cigarette, pacing restlessly as Hakkai and Goku continued to dawdle around. Can't we just get the shit set up already? All he wanted now was to drink a few of those (sadly) warm beers he knew were still sitting in the back and go to sleep and not think about the day's events. Not think about Sanzo. If that's even possible anymore. He wasn't so sure it was.

Finally, thankfully, Hakkai called him over requesting his assistance with the tents, giving him a strange look when he directed him over to Goku already assembling the poles. The kappa pitched in with a grim enthusiasm, noticing that they had only three of the tents; two of the small single tents and the large one they all shared from time to time to keep a fire going under when it rained. The Sick Tent... he thought dully.

Goku got a fire going per Hakkai's request once they were finished, and Gojyo ambled with what he hoped was disinterest back towards the jeep where Hakkai was still hovering over the incapacitated monk. The healer lifted his head when he came near and regarded him warily with an expression similar to the look he had given the red head just a little while before, something exasperated and wary. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to put out your cigarette if you plan on staying," he said quietly, looking back down at the bloody figure curled in the back of the jeep whose vitals he was currently rechecking, worry creasing his brow.

Gojyo eyed the smoke between his lips before flipping it into the grass and grinding it out under his boot, mildly begrudging it's loss. He leaned over the edge of the jeep to get a better look at the blonde, his frown deepening at his pallor and the sheen of sweat he could see beading his skin, his uneven breaths...Hakkai's hands on his neck and brow. He looked up to see Hakkai giving him that look again. "What?"

"I know you are worried and upset, Gojyo," Hakkai said, his voice still soft but with a hard edge that had not been there before, "but so are Goku and I, and it does no one any good for you to sulk and give us dirty looks."

Gojyo blinked down in shock at his friend, feeling a minor flame of embarrassment and guilt burning in his belly at being so astutely pegged. He swallowed and opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, saying bracingly, "I'm sorry. Do you need me to do anything?"

Hakkai smiled faintly at him, the weariness evident in his face. "If you could get a pallet made up for Sanzo that would be very helpful. I could move him out of here and get him changed and cleaned up." Seemingly seeing something Gojyo didn't mean to show swim across his face he added, "You can help me, if you like."

Gojyo nodded, his eyes on Sanzo's face. "Sure, 'Kai." He hesitated before turning to grab sleeping bags and blankets, looking back cautiously at his edgy best friend still reassessing Sanzo's vitals. "Hakkai...how bad is it?"

Hakkai did not look at him, and the creases in his brow deepened. He seemed to be weighing his words on his tongue before he spoke, gauging their weight as if deciding whether or not Gojyo could carry their truth. "There is the very real possibility," he said quietly, his voice shaking and betraying him only slightly, "that Sanzo will not make it though the night."

Gojyo felt his body go cold. He swallowed, hard. "W-why?"

Hakkai sighed and looked for a moment twice his age. "Everything seems to have healed just fine, with the exception of the broken clavicle," he said, his voice taking on a detached, clinical tone, "but he lost far too much blood. His blood pressure is dangerously low, and I'm not sure his heart will be able to take the strain. It might simply give out. His body has been under too much stress lately as it is, considering how poorly he's been taking care of himself. He already has a moderate fever."

Gojyo nodded, numb.

"For now, all we can do is make sure he's comfortable and...wait. I think that if he gets through tonight he'll pull through."

The red head gazed again at their fallen leader, his throat tight. Wait. Goddess give me patience.

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The seriousness of the situation seemed to hit the kappa full force as he stared at the monk lying on the piled blankets and two of the sleeping bags, deathly pale and breathing shallowly, curled partially on his side to not put pressure on his bad shoulder or irritate the freshly healed wounds on his neck. Gods but it made Gojyo's chest hurt, and that just made him want to smack himself. He just wished Hakkai would hurry up with feeding the monkey and warming up that water from the stream so they could get the fucking blood off of him. It was really starting to make him sick, staring at it marring alabaster skin and clumping in gold silk.

Gojyo did not realize that he had been watching the unsteady rise and fall of the blonde's chest until Hakkai entering the tent startled his attention away, and he felt a slow flush spread across his skin when he became conscious to the fact. Goddamnit. He hoped Hakkai didn't notice.

Hakkai ducked into the tent carrying a gently steaming pot and an armful of towels, smiling wanly at his friend. Gojyo failed at returning the expression and settled for nodding at the healer before scooting over to give him room to set the things he was holding down. The kappa couldn't help but notice how shaky Hakkai was looking, and realized that he must have expended a lot more energy healing his holiness than he had thought. "Here, let me help," he said quietly, taking the pot of water and settling it carefully on the floor of the tent.

"Thank you, Gojyo," Hakkai said with real feeling, a slightly wider smile breaking across the worry and weariness on his face.

This time Gojyo found he could smile in return, and the heavy atmosphere that had been weighing on their shoulders seemed to lighten a bit, and the tent seemed brighter inside even though it was still the same shitty lantern and firelight brightening it.

"So, ah, how do we do this?" Gojyo asked awkwardly, glancing back at the unconscious monk.

Hakkai gave him a wry smile bordering on wicked. "Very carefully. We need to get his clothes off before we can clean him up."

Gojyo swallowed and felt his heart speed up. "Right," Get a grip you idiot!

Hakkai merely smiled at him, and gave Gojyo the impression that he knew exactly the kinds of things that were racing through his head at the moment. They spread two of the large towels out carefully beneath the monk on top of his makeshift bed and turned to the task of removing his stained and torn clothing; the reddened silk robes had been removed when Sanzo had been moved from the jeep, so Hakkai set about gingerly peeling what was left of his black top off of white sticky skin, in the end cutting through it in places with his knife so as to move the monk as little as possible. Gojyo tried his best to ignore the healer's hands on Sanzo, telling himself that it was ridiculous, that it was Hakkai, and that he had no reason to be feeling that twinge of jealousy in his gut in the first place, but he still could not get the nagging irritation out of his head. When the fuck did I turn into a possessive jerk? The shitty priest isn't even anything to be possessive over in the first place.

Sure he's not.

Shut the fuck up! It's not like I even have some kind of-of claimon him! It's freaking insane!

The kappa huffed and dumped Sanzo's worn sandals and tabi in the far corner of the tent and with a slow comprehension of dread flare of heat realized that the next task at hand were the monk's jeans. >...Shit.

Ignoring everything but the fabric under his fingers, Gojyo quickly and carefully pulled the faded bloody denim from Sanzo's hips, down his legs, and off, draping a towel across his waist in a flash and blushing as red as his hair and knowing it. He tried not to think about the fact that there had been nothing on under the jeans. It didn't really work.

The red head sat back on his heels, his face still warm, to see Hakkai paused in the middle of pulling off the monk's arm wraps watching him with an amused, knowing smile, and the heat on his face burned hotter. Damn it all.

They settled the unconscious man back onto the towels again, and Hakkai dipped a pair of wash cloths into the pot of water to wet them and handed one to his friend, pausing when he noticed that he was staring at Sanzo with a frown twisting his features. "Gojyo? Are you all right?" He asked quietly.

Gojyo sighed and carded a hand through his loose hair. "He just looks so...fragile. It's wierding me out. And plus seein' him...like this," he mumbled evasively, not wishing to verbally address the fact that the monk was lying in front of him mostly naked -- It's not like you've never seen him in onsens or other times he's been hurt damn it!</</i>i> -- save for the towel covering his hips, "makes it kind of hard to not notice that he really has lost weight."

Hakkai sighed this time and the faint lines around his eyes seemed to deepen. "Yes, I know."

Both of them seemed to lose the desire to continue any conversation at that point and set to the task of wiping down white skin with the warm wet cloths, rubbing away the congealed blood and grime. Gojyo focused all of his attention on keeping his attentions as clinical as possible, and noticed with small relief that Hakkai did not tease him any longer, even after he hastily wiped clean the blonde's left hip and thigh.

When they were through and cleaning off their hands and rinsing out the washcloths in the stream near their campsite, Sanzo resituated in his shoddy bed and clothed in an old pair of cotton pajama pants Gojyo suspected belonged to Hakkai, the healer thanked his friend again for his help. Gojyo had the feeling Hakkai was mostly glad that he wasn't glaring him down anymore, but...eh. "Just promise me one thing," Gojyo murmured somewhat conspiratorially to Hakkai.

"Ah...sure?"

"Please, please do not tell Sanzo that I was involved in any of what we just did, because he will have my head on a fucking platter if he does."

For the first time in hours, a real smile split across Hakkai's face. "Oh my, you're right," he laughed. "As amusing as that would be, I still enjoy your company a little too much, so don't worry, the secret's safe with me."

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, 'Kai."

Hakkai smiled at him again, still laughing lightly, and stood. "Well, I'm going to go and keep an eye on Sanzo for a while."

Gojyo nodded at his friend and eyed him shrewdly, not forgetting how very much he had exerted himself earlier. "All right, but I'm takin' your place in a little while and your ass is goin' to bed, no if ands or buts, ya got that?"

Hakkai blinked at him in mild surprise before giving Gojyo a warm, odd grin. "If you insist."

Gojyo returned the grin. "Yes, I do. In the meantime, I'm going to go and see if there's actually any of that stew you whipped up left or if I need to pound the monkey's head in. Do you want me to bring you any if there is?"

"That would be very nice, thank you."

He watched Hakkai disappear back into the large tent and wandered over to the campfire to find a half full pot of stew -- Whaddaya know? The kid actually has some control. -- and a snoring monkey curled against a sleeping Hakuryuu. Still totally predictable in some respects though. Being the nice guy that he was, Gojyo hefted Goku up and carried him to his tent to put him to bed like a child, finding it rather amusing when all the kid did was mumble something about a meat bun and roll into his pillow when he laid him down. After taking a bowl of stew to Hakkai the red head settled by the fire with a bowl of his own, staring into the flames mindlessly as he ate and continuing to do so after he had finished, watching as the fire began to die down. It wasn't until a clatter of dishes and vocal exclamation from inside the large tent broke through the silence that Gojyo snapped from his daze.

----------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai had been beginning to doze off over his book when he suddenly became aware that there was something strange inside the tent...something that had just changed, something subtle. He blinked a few times, frowning, and cocked his head trying to figure out just what the oddity was. It was just a short moment before he realized that it was too quiet. The hand holding the book he had long ago stopped reading lowered into his lap and his gaze locked onto the prone form of his fallen comrade lying across from him, and it was just an instant after that that he realized with a cold thrill of dread that the tent had grow silent because it was no longer filled with Sanzo's rasping breathes.

Reaction was automatic and frenzied as Hakkai jerked out of his position cross-legged on the floor, knocking over his stacked dishes beside him in his haste and unsure whether or not he had vocalized the shout of horror that was ringing loudly throughout his mind, a raw stark fear gripping his entire being as he scrambled, numb, to Sanzo's side. Quaking fingers felt a faint twitch in the monk's neck, the last remnants of a pulse, before Hakkai's mind switched into a mode running purely on adrenaline and the thought You are not dying!.

He was acting on reflex, he knew, because before he had thought about it the blonde had been pushed to lie flat on his back, Sanzo's head tilted back, his nostrils pinched shut, and he was puffing in two breathes that had the monk's chest rising and falling in his peripheral vision.

"Hakkai? Is everything all righ--"

He heard Gojyo enter the tent, heard his words break off, could feel the shock, and knew in some unconcerned part of his brain that his current position looked far from innocent, but at the moment really did not care.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Hakkai broke away from Sanzo's face and moved his hands to his bare chest without pause to start compressions, sending bursts of chi energy through his hands with each one in attempt to jumpstart the monk's heart. "Trying to save Sanzo's life," he snapped, his voice harsh and strained as he counted compressions in his head. "Either get over here and help or get the fuck out!"

All of the blood had drained from Gojyo's face at Hakkai's words and he didn't even notice that his best friend had sworn; it was all he could do to stumble over and crouch beside him, reaching a shaking hand towards the still, pale form of Sanzo. "Wh-what do I--"

"Give him two breaths for every thirty chest compressions," Hakkai said, harried, edgy, "Close his nasal passages and form a firm seal over his mouth with your own so that air does not escape. Now!"

Gojyo jumped from where he was sitting and leaned over Sanzo's prone form, so familiar yet somewhat alien in it's current state. Gingerly he pinched the monk's nose tightly closed with the fingers of his left hand, and leaned in close, his crimson hair pooling against white skin, his eyes on slightly-parted pale lips through which no breath was stirring. Hakkai didn't know what the kappa was thinking, but he could see his pulse thrumming in his throat, the intensity of emotion burning in his red eyes, the hesitation as he lingered over Sanzo's mouth. There was something...sweet about it all, but the moment for it was not then, and Hakkai was going to snap. "For the Gods' sakes, Gojyo, it's not a kiss, so stop acting like it is! Just do it!"

Hakkai almost felt a little sorry for saying that at the consternation and embarrassment that flooded across his best friend's face and the way he blushed down to the roots of his hair, but he really didn't have time to care at the moment, and was far more focused on the heart beneath his hands that seemed to be refusing to start beating again. He was glad to feel the artificial rise and fall of Sanzo's chest under his hands that meant Gojyo had listened to him and started taking the situation seriously.

He could feel the kappa's eyes on his hands, watching his movements and counting, like he was, after the first two breaths, and Hakkai began to focus more chi energy into and out through his hands waiting desperately for Sanzo's body to react. This is taking too long... "C'mon...c'mon!"

It wasn't until Gojyo pressed another breath past pale lips that Sanzo's body jolted and a hoarse cough racked through his chest, weak and choking, and Hakkai felt the weak pulse of his heart once more beneath his fingers. He sat back on his heels, his arms falling uselessly to his sides and his eyes raising skyward as he murmured a faint, "Thank you..." before exhaustion hit him like a hammer and he collapsed against Gojyo unconscious.

----------------------------------------------------- ---------

It seemed that not all of the paperwork in Tenkai could grant Konzen the peace of mind he so desperately desired -- and Tenkai had a lotof paperwork for the bureaucrat
to sift through. Yet none of it -- none of it, he was beginning to think, could drive that idiot from his mind. Why the fuck was that? Since when was that goddamn drunkard Kenren worth thinking about?

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since the smartass general had cornered him and somehow, by means Konzen, for the life of him, could not recall, coerced him into...into...NO! Not thinking about that! Konzen's hands clenched around the document he was holding just thinking about it and he immediately tried to steer his mind away from that stolen evening beneath the sakura trees. A moment of impaired judgment and nothing more,he assured himself. Tried to assure himself. Had been trying to assure himself since the regrettable incidenthad occurred.

I must be losing my mind.After all, that was the only explanation for his...trystwith the idiot general that the blonde could cope with.

Or perhaps not cope with. That was the reason he had barricaded himself in his office and more or less attempted to drown in paperwork ever since that very fateful liaison, and the doom and gloom of his attitude had amplified beyond all former bounds and become a near-tangible force, causing very few foolish people to bother trying to intrude in on his privacy. Those who had trespassed on the hallowed sanctity of his hideaway had left much worse for wear and did not return to repeat their mistakes, and not long after people stopped showing up altogether which in itself was a success and gave the blonde a small sense of dark satisfaction. Well...with one exception; The only person his holy wrath did not dissuade had been his dear old Auntie, who had traipsed inside just the day before, without knocking, a smug, leering smile pulling at her lips that had had Konzen burning red to the roots of his golden hair in a fashion he could never recall ever happening before in his life, all without her ever saying a word. She hadn't even stayed long. She had just put a stack of papers on his desk and smiled, pinning him with a gaze that said "I know" before she turned and sauntered out, still grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Konzen had never been so happy to see her leave.

Konzen let out a long self-suffering sigh and shuffled through the papers on his desk, bringing one up in front of his face to glare all the better at whatever was on it, needing a distraction to steer his thoughts back onto a safer path. He didn't even want to fathom how she knew...it was probably one of those things, one of those infinitely annoying scary-as-hell Merciful Goddess things that he would never learn the secret to. He wanted to know even less why she seemed to be entertained by the knowledge that he...he...oh Godshe had to stop thinking about it! His seclusion and attempted suicide by overtime were clearly not having the effect he desired, because no matter what he did, his stupid, betraying mind always found some way to drift right back to --

"Fancy seeing you here, Sunshine."

Konzen was not prepared and almost fell out of his chair when the document he was holding in front of him was abruptly pulled from his hands and he found himself face-to-face with none other than the leering, smartalec Kenren who's dark eyes sparkled with open amusement at his utterly shocked reaction. Konzen stared at the general with his mouth open for a moment, stupidly, stammering slightly as he stumbled over all of the thoughts that rushed to the forefront of his mind at Kenren's sudden appearance, before he gathered his wits and melted into a burning rage; no matter the tell-tale heat creeping across ivory skin and the rapid race of his heart in his chest, absolute fury embarrassment overpowering all else. "Get the fuckout of my office!"

Kenren's eyebrows quirked at that. "Well, aren't we angry today. Did somebody pee in your coffee? Or is it something on this piece of paper?" He indicated the sheet he had pulled from Konzen's hands. "Because you were staring at it quite intently when I came in, and I can't imagine why unless it was something personal--"

Konzen ripped the snatched document out of Kenren's hand, clenching it tightly in his own, crumpling it, as he stood and pointed smartly at the door. "I said to get the fuck out!"

Kenren blinked up into angry violet eyes from where he was still leaning over the desk, his face finally slipping into a frown before he stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest, all pretenses now dropped. "Not until you tell me why you've been avoiding me the past two weeks."

Konzen's rage faltered slightly and he paled before flushing, his fists tightening at his sides even more, the paper he still clutched crinkling in protest. "Oh please, are you really so arrogant--"

"Maybe," Kenren said with a small, grim smile, “But I know that's not the case here. We don't always cross paths too often on a daily basis, anyone knows that, but I thought it was strange that I hadn't been seeing hide nor hair of you lately. Then I started hearing that no one else has really seen you save a few unlucky souls who wandered into your lair here, and that you've more or less barricaded yourself into this shitty little office. Made me wonder why. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I can connect the dots when I try, and it seems to me that the timing of this new hermitage of yours is coinciding a bit too closely with our bump and grind session to be coincidence. So I'll ask again," Kenren said, his voice growing firm and eyes locked on Konzen's face, which was turning what might have previously been thought an impossible shade of red, "why have you been avoiding me for the past two weeks?"

Konzen stared at Kenren, unable to break his commanding gaze, swallowing convulsively and acutely aware of the burning flush of his skin, his heart jumping madly in his throat, and the ache that Kenren's presence was causing to grow in his traitorous body. He wanted so badly to break that iron gaze, to erase the imprint of those hands on his flesh, to scream at him, throw something, throttle him for what he had done to him, was doing to him now by some power that Konzen did not understand, but all the blonde could do was stand there with his heart in his throat and his hands curled into shaking fists.

"Konzen," Kenren said, his voice softening, "Please..." He trailed off and extended a hand towards Konzen's burning face. Konzen passed the hand a fretful glance before harshly knocking Kenren's arm away and jerking out of reach. The furrows between Kenren's eyes deepened, and in three short steps he walked behind the desk to send a startled Konzen stumbling against his chair. He cupped Konzen's red cheek with a firm hand and forced him to look at him, catching a thin wrist in his other hand as it swung back to smack him. The general once more pinned the blonde with his eyes and said in a quiet, calm voice, "You can't tell me you didn't want me, Konzen."

The bureaucrat
jerked in Kenren's grip, trying to wrench free as he flitted his gaze away from the other's and snarled, "As if you know anything! I never did, do, or will ever wantyou, you stupid, drunken, lecherous, arrogant, bast--"

Konzen cut off abruptly as the hand cupping his jaw slid to grip the back of his head and jerked him forward to be silenced by a very self-assured tongue in a kiss that was all heat, passion, and possession and that left Konzen reeling in the other's grasp.

He was not sure when he stopped trying to pull away and twined his free arm around Kenren's neck, gripping at his short inky locks, he was not sure when he started kissing back with just as much fervor, but when he heard a low, airy moan in a voice he barely recognized to be his own and realized, to his abject shock and quickly rising humiliation, how very readily his body was responding to Kenren's touch, Konzen knew that he had to stop.

I can't do this.

A hand was sliding down the curve of his back, edging dangerously low as lips finally broke apart and skirted his jaw line down to the skin below a pale ear, sucking and making the blonde whimper and lose the words that had been on his tongue. A black-clad knee slid between Konzen's thighs and pushed them apart, pressing upward against what he could no longer hide, even from himself.

I can't do this!

White fingers clenched against the general's chest, pushing away and choking on a protest as that leg rubbed against him. Kenren's tongue flicked against the shell of Konzen's ear and traced the rim as he grabbed the wrist of the hand pushing at his chest and pulled it up next to Konzen's fair head level with the other before backing him into the wall two steps behind him. Kenren pressed his full weight against the lithe blonde giving him no room to move or argue, and slowly ran his tongue over the contours of Konzen's ear before nipping at the lobe and breathing against the dampened skin, making him tremble.

"Konzen," Kenren's voice was low and husky in his ear, and a small whine escaped the bureaucrat
as he was nipped again, "You can yell at me, and insult me, and throw all the little tantrums you want," he transferred Konzen's wrists into one hand and pulled them up over the blonde's head to stroke his freed fingers through golden hair as he nuzzled into his neck, "You can say I forced you, you can even say we were drunk, but both of us know what happened between us." He gave the pale column of Konzen's neck a taste before pulling away to look the smaller man square in the eye, holding his fearful, cornered gaze with the fire burning in his own obsidian depths. "I know what I felt, and I'm pretty damn sure about what you felt too, and I think it's worth exploring." He leaned in close, bumping there noses together, his eyes boring into Konzen's violet. "I meant every word I said to you that night."

I really can't do this...

The thought was weak, like Konzen's knees, and it took everything in him to not dart his eyes to the floor to check if it was as unsteady as he suddenly felt. He was trapped, and vulnerable, so very familiar, and could feel something akin to panic rising in his chest alongside a most traitorous heat fanning throughout his limbs. He swallowed, a gesture that was audible in the burning silence before finally managing to say weakly and with a lack of conviction that made him inwardly wince, "I think you're full of shit."

A slow smile spread across Kenren's face. "Actually, sweetheart," he said in a low, lilting voice, trailing his free hand down Konzen's side, "That would be you."

The general leaned in that extra inch and pressed Konzen into a burning, tender kiss, and Konzen found himself coming undone in Kenren's arms. It was all too much, and he could not fight it anymore, could not fight the growing flame between them that made his heart swell and his head swim, the force that had his pulse racing at just the thought of Kenren and his knees turning weak at the sound of his voice.

"Kenren," he murmured, against the other's lips, soft and earnest, honest for the first time that day as the hand holding his wrists hostage loosened its hold and slid up to intertwine fingers with his own pale hand. Kenren smiled at him again, lopsided and endearing before silencing him with another searing kiss.

Konzen found, there in Kenren's arms as they sank together to the floor amongst scattered sheets of paper and the crumbled remains of his resistance, that he really could give in after all.

------------------------------------------------------------- -

Gojyo let out a shuddering breath as he ducked back inside the big tent, having just moved an unconscious Hakkai to his own for the night. I should have known that stupid bastard was transferring his energy into Sanzo. Energy he didn't really have. Reckless, selfless, Hakkai. Dumbass. I'll yell at him when he wakes up.

Hesitantly, the kappa turned his attentions to the blonde invalid lying before him and knelt beside him to carefully turn him back onto his side to relieve the pressure on his bad shoulder once more, fix his blankets, and wipe back damp golden locks from his sweaty, fevered face. He frowned at the strings of blood that had dried on the monk's chin, remnants from the coughing fit he had had after regaining his breath, and gently wiped them away with the cool damp cloth that had, prior to his sudden cardiac arrest, been on Sanzo's forehead to help with the fever. He swished away the blood in the bowl of water that had somehow avoided being knocked over in all of the chaos, wrung it out, and placed it back onto Sanzo's burning brow. If he wasn't mistaken Gojyo was fairly certain that the monk's fever was spiking, but he supposed there wasn't much more he could do for him at the moment than what had already been done. Great.

Convinced that the blonde was well situated for the time being, Gojyo sat back and got comfortable, well aware that he was going to be the only one keeping an eye on the shitty priest; there was no telling when Hakkai was going to come to and be in any kind of good condition, and the dumb monkey hadn't woken up once since he'd fallen asleep earlier despite all of the shouting and clatter that had ensued when he and Hakkai had been resuscitating Sanzo. I always knew he could sleep through anything. Gojyo sighed and stared at his hands, listening to Sanzo's uneven breaths.

"So you were really gonna leave us, weren't you?" he asked quietly after a long while, knowing damn well that he would receive no answer save for the soft, ragged breaths that were the only sound filling the tent. "Well, just so you know, if you try it again, I'll drag your sorry ass right back; you can't get away from us that easily."

Sanzo made a soft sound, his brows drawing together slightly beneath the cloth on his forehead as his golden head shifted on his pillow.

Gojyo snorted softly to himself. Guess he doesn't like that very much. As he stared at him however, unconscious and so fragile-looking, the soft smile upturning the corners of the kappa's mouth drifted away and he sighed once more. The red head did not fight his betraying mind as it drifted back to that moment just minutes before that kept nudging at him insistently; that moment when he had been closer to Sanzo than he had ever dared to be in the past, had ever been allowed; the moment that he had discovered that Sanzo's lips were just as soft as he had always imaged they would be, despite how hard his words were; how he could still taste Marlboros and the coffee that the monk had been drinking at breakfast on his lips beneath the weak copper of blood; the current of electricity that had rushed through him the moment he had made contact and that had swept away nearly all of the denial that he had held over his feelings for Sanzo.

In short, the kappa was screwed.

With a soft sigh of resign, Gojyo crawled back across the tent to lean over the blonde again, gazing intently at his sleeping face. "I need to go and kill that camp fire out there," he murmured, brushing back the sticking damp blonde hair that had fallen back into Sanzo's flushed face, "So try not to go anywhere again while I'm gone, 'kay?"

Gojyo watched in mute fascination as Sanzo's brow furrowed and another low sound escaped from his throat. "Hunh," he muttered softly, amazed at Sanzo's unconscious response.

Before he realized what he was doing, Gojyo found himself leaning in close to Sanzo for the second time that night, with far different intentions but the same goal as his lips brushed gently against the monk's. Unlike before he felt Sanzo's breath stir across his lips, and at that light touch Gojyo felt the swarm of emotions he was not sure he could yet handle in regards to Sanzo rise to the point of overwhelming. Not knowing what else to doubt driven by a sudden compulsion to do something, anything to ease the ache in his heart, the kappa intensified the kiss for a moment that lingered for hours before pulling away. He hesitated a moment longer in their shared breath, trying to get a grip on himself, before standing and moving to duck back outside to put out the fire, lingering at the tent flap as he tried to cope with the knowledge that he was no longer sure of himself or of the world around him. "Gods," Gojyo said, choking on a laugh that may not have really been a laugh, clenching the canvas tightly in his hand. "...I fucking love you."

As the tent flap swished shut behind him and the foliage crunched beneath his boots, Gojyo did not hear the soft murmur, "Kenren," slip from parted pale lips, a white hand curling into blankets as if to grasp that of another.


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TBC

Comments keep me running. Seriously.

I really did not intend for this chapter to take so frigging long, and for that I apologize. Part of it was my laptop esploding, while more of it was me altering the outline for this fic a great deal and having to revamp and add a whole bunch of shit. I also got a tad wrapped up in the Tenkai bit for a long while >.>; Anywho, hopefully Chapter four (Catalyst) won't take so long. Thanks for sticking around and reading ^_^ I <3 you guys.