Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Musings of a Star-Crossed Mind ❯ Gourry ( Chapter 2 )

Musings of a Star-Crossed Mind

**Disclaimer** don't own slayers or anything associated w/it, if I did, I wouldn't very well be writing fanfiction, but EPISODES of it ne?**

~Gourry~

Breathing in the scent of the wind, carrying with it the smell of flowers that I can't name right now. It smells lovely, especially as the day turns into dusk. It feels weird thinking like this, I've never had to, just taking it one step at a time, never worried about anything that didn't concern me. But you've turned something within that sense around, I now notice all that surrounds me, all the life within the earth that is. It's a gift you've given me, I can't say I don't like, but it still is strange. I know you're standing beside me, like you always are, such a small frame, looking like an average person, if not a little, uh, small...And yet, you are so strong, of heart, will, and pure courage, I've born witness to this many times.

And yet, something inside tells me that, you've reserved that expression, everytime you are ready to, 'teach me a lesson', just for me. It may sound incredibly stupid to some, but I've grown attached to that expression, it's a part of you, I'd have it no other way. If that outburst didn't come, then you just wouldn't be you. L-sama, how I wish you'd see that that's why I say that then, I'm not THAT dumb! Everytime you're sad, it tears at my heart, I have to do SOMETHING to get you back to the way I once knew you. Believe me, when you are serious, you aren't yourself, and I can't stand you being someone else.

The scent of the flowers mingles with that of all that is around us, it takes me over somewhat. Never have I been able to be like this before, but as I've said, you've given me this. Pehaps it's the fact that you harness the elements for your magic that has made me more aware that they do have a presence, a magic of their own. Either way, it's there, and it helps calm me down when I get too overstressed. Like now, with all this thinking, about you. Why do I go into such depth whenever I think about you? Probably because you're such a complex person, and yet, you stay so simple at the same time.

Whenever you hurt, all I can do is think of your well-being. To see such a strong creature hurt, to see you in pain, I can't stand it. I just want you to be better. You're so confusing, refusing to be the proper woman. I try to live by my code of swordsmanship, but you make it impossible, making sure that if I am discomforted in anyway, then so are you. Women are so strange, something I'll never understand, always wanting something, but refusing it when it's offered to them without anyone else sharing it, even if they want it that way.

You've just giggled at something, who knows what you are thinking about, I look down at you and you try to hide it but all you do is break into more giggles, more than likely at my expense. Something pings inside my heart, you're probably thinking of one of our periodic companions. More strangely than the ping is that I hurt at the prospect that you'd be thinking about one of them, probably hoping they'd come and take you away from me, since at times, you seem not to want to be around me. I can't stand that fact, I refuse to let them take you out of my arms length. I am your protector, destined to be at your side for as long as we live and I won't let anyone take you away from me. You're with me because you want the sword, although something in your eyes tells me that you are here for another reason, something else that keeps you here. But your eyes betray nothing more than a hopeful glint when you look at me. Am I misinterpreting? Is that a glint of something more than just a material want, but more of a spiritual one? Hesitentally, I ask you, "Are you ok?" wanting to make sure you're not going insane.

A slight smile crosses my lips as I've found I've startled you. It's funny actually, I've caught the eith wonder of the world thinking deeply about something that she'd dare not speak of in public. Your eyes betray something great as you continue to look into mine. My heart leaps, I've just discovered something very important. I look you over without looking away as you still hold my eye gaze. Once there was a time when I thought you were just a scrawny little girl, no older than twelve. But now as I look upon you, I see, that infact, you are not as you would have seemed, you ARE grown, and quite beautiful as well. There are tell-tale signs of your growth and now, I can see them. Now, I am ashamed that I haven't seen this before in you. I wouldn't have continued to pick fun at your...less than mature...body. Sadness engulfs me as I think of how much I could have hurt you, who knows what's going through your mind, no matter how much you say you don't, I know you hurt inside, you have compassion, I've seen it, for me, for others, it's there.

You don't see the sad expression as you have looked away, again at the great landscape before us.

"We should camp here I think. Sleeping under the stars seems nice tonight." Your voice somewhat startles me at the serene sound of calm in it. I don't flinch, but feel amazed that in that voice, it holds the truth that you'd rather be here, outside, just content to sleep on the ground. Well, I won't have it, you'll at least have something to sleep on. "But, don't you want to find an inn or something, to take a bath?" Just to be sure.

You laugh, probably at the absurd question when you know I've heard the finality in your voice.

"Na, it'd be nice to just to sit out, it's not to hot, not to cold. Just right I think, unless...you want to go to the next town?"

GAH, those eyes, I can't look! Those eyes tranquilize a convulsing earth, those eyes calm raging winds, those eyes, they pacify great storms. They strike fear in any man who sees them, for the mezmorize. They get any man to do what they want. You know how to use them better than any person I've ever known. Like myself, I stutter, something I've adopted since I discovered since I've watched you use those eyes. "Uh, not really, I just thought..." You know, you used those eyes when asking for my sword, the only thing that held me back was my desire for you never to leave me. Perhaps if you had, you'd leave, I couldn't let you leave.

"No need to think, you'd hurt yourself." Cute, really cute.

You giggle again, what is with you lately? Caught with the fit of giggles, something quite unlike yourself.

***

Night fell qutie a while ago, you're sleeping soundly in the tent. It must be uncomfortable for you, that's all I can think of. That and, making sure no one comes to harm you. I sit out here, by the dwindling fire, just staring at it, still thinking. Few words have been said between us, but the understanding of many years of traveling together has given us the ability to just know. I smile, only you could I form this bond with.

Suddenly, the breeze catches a sound, I hear something from the tent. I know you've left it, I know you're standing behind me, debating, thinking. You've been doing that just as much as me as of late. I make sure not to move, I want you to stand there, just as close as you are so I can catch a hint of your spicy perfumed scent. I've come to love that. My heart cries out to turn around and hold you, to caress all those thoughts away and make it just us. But, if I turned, you'd just stutter, then probably blast me cause I'd say something stupid. I can't help it, ever sincece I've met you, I've been capitivated by something about you. Anyway, I know you think I'm stupid, but, that's just me I suppose, letting things happen and not worrying about things until they happen, it's easier that way. At least, until now, I want... my heart wants... it's just so confusing, I don't want you to be anyone else's, that's why I get so upset when I believe you're thinking of someone else.

And just like that, you're sitting next to me, leaning on my arm. It startles me when the air becomes that of your scent. It's intoxicating, not bad though, very good. I'm completely confused though, is this just one of your attempts to show you wanted to be treated the same as I treat myself. I know you don't think it's fair that I'm out here and you should be in there, but, I just can't help my morals. "Lina?"

You groan sleepily. Was it hard to sleep in the tent? If so, then why come over and lean on me, not that I mind.... I like it very much actually... but, this is new for you. Perhaps we've both changed since our party left. Never-the-less, I will stop questioning fate and take this as a blessing, just to be near you.

You're asleep now, and I can't help but put my arm around you, pulling you closer to me, to my heart. In your sleep, you mumble something and sink farther into me. A wide smile plays across my lips as I truly discover what you mean to me.

Against my better judgement, I lean my head against yours and, ever so blissfully, sleep takes me, as I dream of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~< /div>