Sonic Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ Sonic Park ❯ episode 3:Volcano ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: HyperSonicAdam2 
Mightys uncle Jimbo takes the boys on a hunting trip but an active volcano may kill them.
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 02.20.2004 | Pages: 11 | Words: 4.5K | Visits: 227 | Status: Completed
Mightys uncle Jimbo takes the boys on a hunting trip but an active volcano may kill them.
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 02.20.2004 | Pages: 11 | Words: 4.5K | Visits: 227 | Status: Completed
Title:Volcano
Setting:Sonic Park, Colorado
Characters:Sonic "the Hedgehog" Broflowsky, Mighty "the Armadillo" Marsh, Eric "Knuckles" Cartman, Shadow "the Hedgehog" McKormick, Jimbo, Ned
Type of Story:Humor, Crossover
Rating:PG-13
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Here's the third episode of Sonic Park, Volcano. If you haven't seen South Park than you might not know about the character Ned. He talks like a robot because he had a larangektamie from smaking too much.
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I'm goin' down to Sonic Park gonna have myself a time.
Sonic, Mighty:Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
Goin' down to Sonic Park and leave my worries behind.
Knuckles:Ample parking day or night, people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR!
Get on to South Park and see if I can't unwind.
Shadow: the theme song's almost over so shut up and enjoy the show!
So come on down to Sonic Park and meet some friends of mine!
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[In front of Knuckles' house]
Ms. Cartman:Be Careful Eric, the woods can be very dangerous.
Knuckles:Ok Mom.
Sonic:Ready to go hunting Knuckles?
Mighty:Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we got get up there early. Right Uncle Jimbo?
Jimbo:That's right Mighty, underdeveloped animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
Ms. Cartman:Here hon, I packed you some cheesy poofs and happy tarts.
Jimbo: Don't worry Ms. Cartman, we'll take good care of him. I brought my old war buddy Ned to keep things safe.
Ned:Hello Ms. Cartman how are you today?
Ms. Cartman:Be sure to use lots of bug spray, and if you have to poo-poo don't wipe with poison ivy.
[Laughter]
Knuckles: Dude, that's sick mom.
Ms. Cartman:And I know it can get scary up in those woods, but just remember, mommy's not far away.
[Laughter]
Knuckles: Drive, Drive!
Ms. Cartman:You give your mommy a kissy.
Knuckles: Drive the car damn-it, drive!
[In the car]
Sonic: Don't get scared up in the mountains Knuckles.
Knuckles:Shut up, I'm not scared of nothing.
Mighty:Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Knuckles.
Shadow:Mabie she can suck my dick
Jimbo:Oh, ho, that's disgusting.
Knuckles:You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
Jimbo:That's the spirit boys, let's get that testosterone flowing.
[Knuckles, Shadow punch eachother]
Jimbo:Now boys, boys, I, I need to get serious for a minute. I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting, since this is your first time. First, don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on. Second, don't shoot anything that looks human and third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
Mighty:Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
Jimbo:You what?!?
Ned:Moh yeah, that's right, I don't think eight year old kids drink beer, mmm.
Sonic:I like chocolate milk.
Jimbo:Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip; After all, hunting sober is like ... fishing ... sober. It sure will be nice to get out of the city for a while, away from civilization.
[On the mountain]
Jimbo:Well, here we are. Ok, each of you youngin's take a gun, a beer and some smokes.
Knuckles:Hey, I didn't get a gun....
[Ned hands Knuckles a gun]
Knuckles:... sweet. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam
Mighty:You weren't in Vietnam, Knuckles.
Ned:Were you stationed in Danang.
Mighty:Knuckles always makes stuff up Ned, you can't believe anything he says.
Knuckles:Hey, I'll blow your friggin' head off.
[Knuckles points his gun at Mighty]
Jimbo:Hey, look out son, that's dangerous. You're gonna spill your beer.
[Hunting]
Mighty:My Uncle Jimbo says that after this, he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.
Sonic:Wow, that'd be cool.
Knuckles:My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
Jimbo:Boys, lookee there. That there's a rocky moutain black bear, one of the few remaining of its kind. Isn't it beautiful. By God, it coming right for us!
[Shoots the Black Bear]
Mighty:Hey, it wasn't coming right for us. It was just sitting there.
Jimbo:Shhh, not so loud. Now that there's just a technicality.
Sonic:What do yo mean?
Jimbo:You see boys, the democrats have passed a lot of laws trying to stop us from hunting.
Knuckles: Democrats piss me off!
Jimbo:They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore, unless they're posing an immediate threat. Therefore, before we shoot somethin', we have to say 'It's coming right for us.'
Mighty:Wow, you're smart Uncle Jimbo.
Ned:Mmm, Jimbo look, mm.
Jimbo:Ohho, it's a deer. Looks like about a .46 gauge Ned. It's coming right for us!!
[Shoots deer with a rocket]
Knuckles:Kickass!!
Jimbo: Did you see that?! I was imperiled by that ferocious, charging buck.
Ned:Moohh, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit 5 o'clock.
Jimbo:Let's move, moove! [crawls toward rabbit]
Mighty:Is this hunting?
Sonic:I guess so.
Knuckles:Ah, dude! I'm starting to have flashbacks.
Sonic:What?!?
Knuckles: Dense forest, Pull up flank. Look out for Charlies up in the trees.
[On the ridge]
Jimbo:This one's yours Mighty.
[Mighty takes aim]
Jimbo:It's coming right for us.
Ned:Mmmm, It's coming right for us.
Sonic:Shoot it Might.
Knuckles:I got your back soldier.
Mighty:I can't.
Jimbo:What the? What's wrong with you?
Mighty:I don't want to shoot the bunny.
Jimbo:What the hell are you talking about, you don't want to shoot the bunny? You're babbling, you're not making any sense, you're hysterical.
Mighty:I'm not hysterical, I just don't want to shoot the bunny.
Jimbo:No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree hugger.
Knuckles:Yeah hippy, go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot anything.
Mighty:I can shoot you fat ass!
Knuckles:I can shoot you too!
Mighty:I'll kill you!
[Mighty aims his gun at Knuckles]
Knuckles:I'll fill you full of lead!
[Knuckles aims his gun at Mighty]
[Mountain rumbles]
Sonic:Hey, what's that?
[South Park Center for Seismic Activity]
[Randy humming.]
[Rumble]
[Randy begins dozing off.]
[Rumble]
[Randy notices seismograph.]
Randy:What the heck is this?
[Randy picks up phone]
Randy:Yeah, Frank, it's uh Randy, Uh huh, good, good. Yeah, listen, the uh, the little needle's moving. Yeh, it's going back and forth really fast, what does that mean? Uh huh. Uh huh. Let me check. Yeh, it's smoking. Uh huh. Oh really? Really? Oh my God! A volcano!
[Dramatic music]
[Randy sips coffee.]
[Night on the mountain]
Knuckles:My weenies won't cook.
Ned:Mmm, this wood won't burn, umm.
Jimbo:Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use the old indian fire trick.
Ned:Mmm, yepper.
[Ned pours gas on the fire, and accidentally ignites himself]
Ned:Mmm, aahh, oh.
Jimbo:Hehhe hey, stop-drop-and roll Ned. Haaahaaaaahaha!!
[Ned knocks over the thing of gasoline, and the Hummer explodes]
Mighty, Sonic:Whoa!
Jimbo:God damn it Ned, I just got that van. How the hell are we supposed to get home?
Ned:Mmm, ow, it hurts, it hurts.
Knuckles:Hey you guys, this works pretty good right now.
[City Hall]
Chef Eggman:But you see Ms. Mayor, you can't stop serving salisbury steak in our public schools. What's next, meatloaf?
Mayor Rouge:We are quite aware of your concerns Chef, but...
[Beep beep]
Johnson:Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.
M. Rouge:My geologist? Now? Tell him the infection is fine and I don't need another check-up.
Johnson:No mayor, that's a gynecologist. A geologist studies the earth.
M. Rouge: Don't you think I know that? How dare you insult my intellect, I went to Princeton I think, for God's sake! You get out of my office!
Johnson:I'm not in your office mayor, I'm talking to you through a speaker.
M. Rouge:Just send in the geometrist.
Johnson:Geologist...
M. Rouge:You are fired buddy!
Johnson:Thank you mayor, it's been great working for you.
Randy:Mayor, we have got a very big problem. Mt. Evenson is about to erupt.
[Dramatic Music]
M. Rouge:What does this mean to the town?
Randy:Well, this graph shows everything from normal to bad. Right now south park is here.
[Dramatic Music]
[Randy points to graph-Totally Screwed.]
[Dramatic Music continues]
M. Rouge:My God!
Chef Eggman:Mayor, some of the school children, are up camping, on that mountain, right now!
M. Rouge:Ohh, this is big! Johnson, Johnson, are you there?
[Beep beep]
Ted:Uhh, you just fired Johnson mayor. I'm his replacement, Ted.
M. Rouge:Ted, we have got a major crisis here. I want you to get on the phone and call Inside Edition, Rescue 911, Oh and Entertainment Tonight. You better get my stylist on the phone too. Don't worry, things are under control.
[Back on the Mountain]
Jimbo:And then Ned picked up the grenade and... BOOM, blasted his arm clear off. We spent three hours looking for that damn arm, but it was ever to be found. Some say it's still crawling around to this day.
[Ned reaches to Knuckles with a fake arm]
Ned:Mmmrowwwh.
[Laughter]
Jimbo:Hah, got ya.
Knuckles:Heh, that's not scary.
Sonic:You were scared Knux, you almost peed your fur.
Knuckles:Shut up, I didn't pee my fur
Jimbo:Hey Ned, hand me that gin. You boy's want to tie one on?
Sonic:No, No thanks, that stuff tastes like pee.
Mighty:Yeah, Knuckles' pee.
Knuckles:Hey, you would taste my pee!
Jimbo:What the hell's wrong with you? Can't you have a little alcohol?
[Shadow starts drinking gas.]
Jimbo:Christ, look at that little bastard go!
[Shadow Hiccups]
Jimbo:Now you see that Mighty, now, now that is a dirty little bastard!
Mighty:Hey, I'm a dirty little bastard too.
Knuckles:Hey you guys, I know a scary story.
Sonic:Shut up Knuckles, you can't scare anybody
Knuckles:Oh yeah, have you guys ever heard of Scuzzlebutt?
Mighty:Whatawhat?
Knuckles:Scuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up on this very mountain, and kills anybody who dares climb to the top.
Mighty:Why?
Knuckles:Because, it loves the taste of blood, and likes to add pieces to it's deformed body.
Sonic: Deformed how?
Cartman:Well, on his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...
Mighty:A hook?
Sonic:A knife?
Knuckles:No! A piece of celery.
Mighty:Celery?
Knuckles:Yeah, and he walks with a limp. Because one of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be, there's nothing but...Patrick Duffy.
Sonic:Patrick Duffy?! Damn it Knuckles, that's not scary.
Knuckles:What do you mean? Have you ever seen Step By Step?
[Silence]
Knuckles:So he lives alone on this mountain, and weaves baskets, and other assorted crafts. They say that on quiet nights you can hear him weaving his baskets. Kashink, kashink, kashink.
Mighty:Knuckles, you suck at telling scary stories.
Sonic:Yeah, give me that flashlight.
[Rumble]
Shadow:Hey whats that?
Sonic: Yeah what is that?
Mighty:Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt coming to weave us into wicker baskets.
Knuckles:Hey, it might be!
Sonic:Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.
[Laughter]
Knuckles:Go to Hell!
[Jimbo strumming guitar]
Jimbo:Hey Ned, why don't you whip out the ole cancer kazoo. Let's do a little song.
Ned:A kumbayah my lord, kumbayah. Kumbayah my lord, kumbayah. Uumbayah my lord, kumbayah.
[Jimbo Crying]
Ned:Moh lord, Kumbayah. Emm someone's crying lord, Kumbayah.
[Singing continues]
Knuckles:They don't think Scuzzlebutt is scary huh? Let's see how they like it when they actually see Scuzzlebutt. I'll scare the hell out of them tomorrow.
[Knuckles puts on a brown garb, and grabs a piece of celery, and a stick]
Ned:Someone's crying my lord, Kumbayah. Moh lord, Kumbayah.
[Next morning]
Sonic:Mighty, Might, wake up!
Mighty:What dude?
Sonic:I don't know where Cartman is. I think something took him away.
Mighty:Where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?
Sonic:They're out fishing with Shadow.
Mighty:With Shadow? But, but this is supposed to be my camping trip. Why do they like Kenny so much? Doesn't he like me anymore?
Sonic:Well Might, you want to know what I think?
Mighty:What?
[Sonic farts]
[In the fishing boat]
Jimbo:What a beautiful morning for fishing. There's one, there's a fish right there!
[Jimbo throws grenade, explodes killing a fish.]
Ned:Mmm, got it.
[Shadow throws grenade, it explodes and kills four fish.]
Jimbo:Great instincts boy.
Mighty:Uncle Jimbo, Knuckles' missing!
Jimbo:Who? The fat headed echidna?
Stan:Yeah.
Jimbo:Ah hell, I guess we better go look for him. Ned, we got to cut it short. Fire out the 12-20!
[Ned fires rocket, it explodes and kills a lake full of fish.]
Jimbo:Well, I think that's about the limit for our fishing permit.
Ned:Moh man it smells like dead fish here.
Shadow:It smells like a vagina.
Ned:Moh man, that is nasty.
Jimbo:Heh, I don't think I've ever seen a kid as cool as you Shadow. I'm making you my honorary nephew. Even if your a hedeghog
Shadow:Cool.
[Mighty looks dejected.]
[In front of city hall]
Newscaster:The people of.... whispers:what town is this?
Camera man:Uhh Sonic, Park.
Newscaster:Sonic Park are humble and friendly. But now, a ticking timebomb of hot lava waits to engulf these people and end their miserable lives with one last fleeting moment of excruciatingly painful burning agony.
Crowd:Yeahhh.
Individual in crowd:Hey, I'm on TV, I'm on TV.
Newscaster:Mayor, what are you doing to prepare for this inevitible catastrophe?
M. Rouge:All we know right now is that some of our children are camping on that mountain and... Oh, I'm sorry, can I start over?
Newscaster:Huh?
M. Rouge:You can edit this right? Ready, 3,2,1 (Melodramatically) All we know right now is that some of our children are up camping on that mountain. We can't doing anything until we get them. Ok people, let's go get those kids.
Chef Eggman:Come on everybody. You got to help the children.
[On the mountain]
Jimbo:Uh, well, he couldn't have gone far, unless something drug him off.
Ned:There's not many animals out today, Jimbo, mmm.
Jimbo:Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.
[Rumble]
Jimbo:Christ Ned, what'd you have for breakfast.
Ned:Mmm I don't know man, I've got some bad gas.
Jimbo:Wait, there's a ram! It's coming right for us!
[Shadow opens fire, killing the ram.]
Jimbo:Nice shootin' Shadow. Here, you need a bigger gun.
[Jimbo takes Mightys gun and gives it to Shadow]
Sonic:Look!
[Sonic points to Knuckles]
Knuckles:I am Scuzzlebutt, Lord of the Mountains. Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
Ned:Mmm, what is it?
Sonic: Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Knuckles wasn't lying.
Jimbo:Holy crow, we could make a mint killing this thing.
Ned:We'll be on the cover of Guns & Ammo.
Jimbo:This calls for some HJ-14.
Knuckles:Those guy's totally scared
Jimbo:Fire in the hole!
[Jimbo fires two missles at Knuckles]
Knuckles:Holy Crap!
Jimbo: Damn it, I think I missed
Knuckles:What the hell is wrong with you people!?!
Jimbo:C'mon, let's move, move!
Knuckles:Hey, wait, ahh!
[Rescue Center]
M. Rouge:Is it on? Ok. Ok people, form groups and search the mountain. Report back here every hour, you got that?!?
Randy:Mayor, I might have an uh idea.
M. Raouge:Huh, what?
Randy:If we can dig a very large trench, we can divert the lava into a canyon, and then it would bypass Sonic Park, pretty much completely.
M. Rouge:And, that would be good? Right?
Randy:I'm pretty sure.
M. Rouge:Well, what are we waiting for. Ok people, change of plans. Half of you grab shovels.
[On the moutain]
Jimbo:These look like his tracks. He must have gone this way. Ned, prepare some HK-12 and some plastiscene. I'll bet that sucker's headed for a higher elevation. The higher up it.... BIRD!!
[Jimbo shoots Bald Eagle.]
Jimbo:The higher up it goes, the better it can breathe.
Sonic:Look, up there.
Knuckles:You guys, it's just me.
Jimbo:Are we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?
Mighty: Does it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?
Jimbo:I can't tell, let's kill it!
Knuckles:Eh, I gotta get out of this stupid costume.
Jimbo:Shadow, you take the front.
Mighty:No, I can do it Uncle Jimbo. I want to bag that animal!
Jimbo:That's the spirit kiddo, let's hunt!
Knuckles:You guys, you guys, I was just kidding!
[Townspeople digging trench]
Newscaster:As some people of Sonic Park try desperately to save their mountain town, others look for the missing townspeople. But all must take every precaution necessary.
[Rescue Center]
Officer Big:Ok people, listen up. As we near the top of the mountain, the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great. Therefore, I have special ordered this training film to assist us in volcano safety. Mr. Robotnik, if you would please.
[Lava and You]
Film Narrator:Harbringers of sorrow, natural disasters can be the cause of troubling and undesireable stress, and the volcano is no exception. But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you or your family? Here we see the Steven's family enjoying a picnic, but suddenly Jane hears a noise. It's a volcano. Junior seems worried. But have no fear Junior, Jane learned in school what to do when you hear a volcano erupt. That's right Jane, duck and cover.
[The lava rolls over the family, causing no harm]
Film Narrator:So what will you do when you hear a volcano erupting? That's right, duck and cover.
[The lava rolls over two kids, causing no harm]
Film Narrator:Looks like you got the idea. Duck and Cover. Thank you and goodnight.
Officer Big:OK, any questions?
Chef Eggman:That has got to be the most ridiculous load of pig crap, I have ever seen!
Officer Big:That's enough out of you.
[On the mountain]
Mighty:I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt, then we'll see who's the little bastard.
Knuckles:Hey, seriously you guys!
[Mighty takes aim]
Sonic:Kill it Might, kill it.
[pause]
Mighty:Ah damn it, I can't do it!
Jimbo:You pansy! [Jimbo hits Mighty] Give me that gun!
Knuckles:Hey!
[Knuckles takes off the sheet]
Mighty:Knuckles?
Knuckles:God damn it, don't shoot me!
Jimbo:What in Samhell?
Knuckles:I was just trying to scare you guys, you can put the guns down now.
Ned:Mmm, so much for the cover of Guns & Ammo.
Jimbo:Yepper, but I think we've learned some important lessons Ned I think that....
[Volcano erupts]
Sonic:Whoa
Ned:Mmm, holy crap.
Jimbo:The mountain! It's blown it's top!
[Dramatic music]
[Lavaball lands on Shadow]
Sonic:Oh my God, they killed Shadow!
Shadow:Nope, I'm ok.
[Shadow arm catches fire and the lava ball rolls onto him]
Shadow:Ahhh!
[On the volcano]
Townsman1:Look, the volcano.
Townsman2:Quick, duck and cover.
[Lava burns townsmen to the bone]
[Base of mountain]
Sonic, Mighty, and Knuckles:Ahhh
Jimbo:That lava's coming right for us
Chef Eggman:Oh no, look.
[At the trench]
Jimbo:What the hell is this trench doing here?!? We can't get across!
Newscaster:It now looks as if the missing children are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.
M. Rouge:God, please deliver those darling kids from... Wait wait wait, wait. 3,2, and 1 God, [melodramatically] please deliver those....
Knuckles:Help!
[Dramatic Music, Scuzzlebutt enters and scratches itself]
Jimbo:Jimminy Pope it's the real Scuzzlebutt!
Knuckles:What! Scuzzlebutt's real?!?
Sonic:Oh my God! Look at his leg!
Patrick Duffy:Hi kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
Jimbo:Quick Ned, shoot it!
[Ned's gun clicks]
Ned:Mmm oh no out of ammo.
Scuzzlebutt:Grrrr.
M. Rouge:What, is that thing?
Chef Eggman:That's Scuzzlebutt.
Mr. Robotnik:Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg, and weaves baskets.
Officer Big:This isn't happening, everyone look away please. Nothing to see here.
Jimbo:Well boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.
[Scuzzlebutt grabs a tree and weaves it into a basket]
Sonic:Ahhh
Mighty:Whoa, he built a wicker basket
Jimbo:Hey, he's saving us.
Scuzzlebutt:Grrr.
Ms. Cartman:Scuzzlebutt saved the day
Randy:And my calculations worked, the lava is following the trench into the canyon.
M. Rouge:Where exactly does the canyon go?
Randy:Uhh....
[Denver]
[Lava rolls into city]
Denver citizens:Ahhhh.
[Sonic Park]
Mr. Robotnik:Sonicpark is saved.
[Shadow enters]
Sonic:Hey look, Shadow's ok.
Shadow:Hey guys, how's it goin'?
Newscaster:And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate their jovial victory over nature. I'm getting word that the chef of the school cafeteria wants to sing a song about this thrilling struggle of humanity.
Chef Eggman:Mmmm, baby everytime that we kiss, hot lava. Everytime that we make love there's lava, hot lava. Lava so hot it makes me sweat Lava so warm and red. Hot Lava Mmmmm.
Newscaster:Mayor, what do you have to say about this wonderful outcome?
M. Rouge:Well, we owe everything to this friendly, yet misunderstood creature. Thank you Scuzzlebutt.
Scuzzlebutt:Friend
[Scuzzlebutt hands Mayor Rouge flowers]
M. Rouge:Oh, how sweet.
[Mighty shoots Scuzzlebutt]
Mighty:I did it, I did it, I finally killed something.
Newscaster:Oh my God! What has he done?
M. Rouge:Turn off the cameras!
Mighty:Hey, that was easy!
Patrick Duffy:Noooo! Why God? Why?
Jimbo: Damn it Mighty, you shouldn't have done that!
Mighty:What?!? Why?!?
Sonic:Yeah, make up your mind, dude!
Jimbo:Mighty, some things you kill, and some things you don't. See?
Mighty:No.
Ned:Mmm, only now in this late hour do I see the folly of guns. Mmm, I'll never use a gun again, mmm.
[Ned drops his gun that discharges and kills Shadow.]
Shadow:Oh no
[Rats pursue Shadow's corpse]
Mighty:But I just wanted you to be proud of me, like you were with Shadow.
Jimbo:But Shadow's dead now Mighty, and you're always going to be my nephew. And you can't just kill anything. You understand?
Sonic: Dude, I don't understand hunting at all
Mighty:Yeah, it's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons.
Knuckles:Yeah, cartoon's kick ass!
The End
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How'd you like episode 3 of Sonic Park. I'll have episode four up a.s.a.p. so keep reading. Send all comments, reviews, flames, and other remarks to HyperSonicAdam2@aol.com
Setting:Sonic Park, Colorado
Characters:Sonic "the Hedgehog" Broflowsky, Mighty "the Armadillo" Marsh, Eric "Knuckles" Cartman, Shadow "the Hedgehog" McKormick, Jimbo, Ned
Type of Story:Humor, Crossover
Rating:PG-13
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Here's the third episode of Sonic Park, Volcano. If you haven't seen South Park than you might not know about the character Ned. He talks like a robot because he had a larangektamie from smaking too much.
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I'm goin' down to Sonic Park gonna have myself a time.
Sonic, Mighty:Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
Goin' down to Sonic Park and leave my worries behind.
Knuckles:Ample parking day or night, people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR!
Get on to South Park and see if I can't unwind.
Shadow: the theme song's almost over so shut up and enjoy the show!
So come on down to Sonic Park and meet some friends of mine!
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[In front of Knuckles' house]
Ms. Cartman:Be Careful Eric, the woods can be very dangerous.
Knuckles:Ok Mom.
Sonic:Ready to go hunting Knuckles?
Mighty:Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we got get up there early. Right Uncle Jimbo?
Jimbo:That's right Mighty, underdeveloped animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
Ms. Cartman:Here hon, I packed you some cheesy poofs and happy tarts.
Jimbo: Don't worry Ms. Cartman, we'll take good care of him. I brought my old war buddy Ned to keep things safe.
Ned:Hello Ms. Cartman how are you today?
Ms. Cartman:Be sure to use lots of bug spray, and if you have to poo-poo don't wipe with poison ivy.
[Laughter]
Knuckles: Dude, that's sick mom.
Ms. Cartman:And I know it can get scary up in those woods, but just remember, mommy's not far away.
[Laughter]
Knuckles: Drive, Drive!
Ms. Cartman:You give your mommy a kissy.
Knuckles: Drive the car damn-it, drive!
[In the car]
Sonic: Don't get scared up in the mountains Knuckles.
Knuckles:Shut up, I'm not scared of nothing.
Mighty:Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Knuckles.
Shadow:Mabie she can suck my dick
Jimbo:Oh, ho, that's disgusting.
Knuckles:You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
Jimbo:That's the spirit boys, let's get that testosterone flowing.
[Knuckles, Shadow punch eachother]
Jimbo:Now boys, boys, I, I need to get serious for a minute. I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting, since this is your first time. First, don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on. Second, don't shoot anything that looks human and third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
Mighty:Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
Jimbo:You what?!?
Ned:Moh yeah, that's right, I don't think eight year old kids drink beer, mmm.
Sonic:I like chocolate milk.
Jimbo:Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip; After all, hunting sober is like ... fishing ... sober. It sure will be nice to get out of the city for a while, away from civilization.
[On the mountain]
Jimbo:Well, here we are. Ok, each of you youngin's take a gun, a beer and some smokes.
Knuckles:Hey, I didn't get a gun....
[Ned hands Knuckles a gun]
Knuckles:... sweet. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam
Mighty:You weren't in Vietnam, Knuckles.
Ned:Were you stationed in Danang.
Mighty:Knuckles always makes stuff up Ned, you can't believe anything he says.
Knuckles:Hey, I'll blow your friggin' head off.
[Knuckles points his gun at Mighty]
Jimbo:Hey, look out son, that's dangerous. You're gonna spill your beer.
[Hunting]
Mighty:My Uncle Jimbo says that after this, he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.
Sonic:Wow, that'd be cool.
Knuckles:My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
Jimbo:Boys, lookee there. That there's a rocky moutain black bear, one of the few remaining of its kind. Isn't it beautiful. By God, it coming right for us!
[Shoots the Black Bear]
Mighty:Hey, it wasn't coming right for us. It was just sitting there.
Jimbo:Shhh, not so loud. Now that there's just a technicality.
Sonic:What do yo mean?
Jimbo:You see boys, the democrats have passed a lot of laws trying to stop us from hunting.
Knuckles: Democrats piss me off!
Jimbo:They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore, unless they're posing an immediate threat. Therefore, before we shoot somethin', we have to say 'It's coming right for us.'
Mighty:Wow, you're smart Uncle Jimbo.
Ned:Mmm, Jimbo look, mm.
Jimbo:Ohho, it's a deer. Looks like about a .46 gauge Ned. It's coming right for us!!
[Shoots deer with a rocket]
Knuckles:Kickass!!
Jimbo: Did you see that?! I was imperiled by that ferocious, charging buck.
Ned:Moohh, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit 5 o'clock.
Jimbo:Let's move, moove! [crawls toward rabbit]
Mighty:Is this hunting?
Sonic:I guess so.
Knuckles:Ah, dude! I'm starting to have flashbacks.
Sonic:What?!?
Knuckles: Dense forest, Pull up flank. Look out for Charlies up in the trees.
[On the ridge]
Jimbo:This one's yours Mighty.
[Mighty takes aim]
Jimbo:It's coming right for us.
Ned:Mmmm, It's coming right for us.
Sonic:Shoot it Might.
Knuckles:I got your back soldier.
Mighty:I can't.
Jimbo:What the? What's wrong with you?
Mighty:I don't want to shoot the bunny.
Jimbo:What the hell are you talking about, you don't want to shoot the bunny? You're babbling, you're not making any sense, you're hysterical.
Mighty:I'm not hysterical, I just don't want to shoot the bunny.
Jimbo:No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree hugger.
Knuckles:Yeah hippy, go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot anything.
Mighty:I can shoot you fat ass!
Knuckles:I can shoot you too!
Mighty:I'll kill you!
[Mighty aims his gun at Knuckles]
Knuckles:I'll fill you full of lead!
[Knuckles aims his gun at Mighty]
[Mountain rumbles]
Sonic:Hey, what's that?
[South Park Center for Seismic Activity]
[Randy humming.]
[Rumble]
[Randy begins dozing off.]
[Rumble]
[Randy notices seismograph.]
Randy:What the heck is this?
[Randy picks up phone]
Randy:Yeah, Frank, it's uh Randy, Uh huh, good, good. Yeah, listen, the uh, the little needle's moving. Yeh, it's going back and forth really fast, what does that mean? Uh huh. Uh huh. Let me check. Yeh, it's smoking. Uh huh. Oh really? Really? Oh my God! A volcano!
[Dramatic music]
[Randy sips coffee.]
[Night on the mountain]
Knuckles:My weenies won't cook.
Ned:Mmm, this wood won't burn, umm.
Jimbo:Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use the old indian fire trick.
Ned:Mmm, yepper.
[Ned pours gas on the fire, and accidentally ignites himself]
Ned:Mmm, aahh, oh.
Jimbo:Hehhe hey, stop-drop-and roll Ned. Haaahaaaaahaha!!
[Ned knocks over the thing of gasoline, and the Hummer explodes]
Mighty, Sonic:Whoa!
Jimbo:God damn it Ned, I just got that van. How the hell are we supposed to get home?
Ned:Mmm, ow, it hurts, it hurts.
Knuckles:Hey you guys, this works pretty good right now.
[City Hall]
Chef Eggman:But you see Ms. Mayor, you can't stop serving salisbury steak in our public schools. What's next, meatloaf?
Mayor Rouge:We are quite aware of your concerns Chef, but...
[Beep beep]
Johnson:Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.
M. Rouge:My geologist? Now? Tell him the infection is fine and I don't need another check-up.
Johnson:No mayor, that's a gynecologist. A geologist studies the earth.
M. Rouge: Don't you think I know that? How dare you insult my intellect, I went to Princeton I think, for God's sake! You get out of my office!
Johnson:I'm not in your office mayor, I'm talking to you through a speaker.
M. Rouge:Just send in the geometrist.
Johnson:Geologist...
M. Rouge:You are fired buddy!
Johnson:Thank you mayor, it's been great working for you.
Randy:Mayor, we have got a very big problem. Mt. Evenson is about to erupt.
[Dramatic Music]
M. Rouge:What does this mean to the town?
Randy:Well, this graph shows everything from normal to bad. Right now south park is here.
[Dramatic Music]
[Randy points to graph-Totally Screwed.]
[Dramatic Music continues]
M. Rouge:My God!
Chef Eggman:Mayor, some of the school children, are up camping, on that mountain, right now!
M. Rouge:Ohh, this is big! Johnson, Johnson, are you there?
[Beep beep]
Ted:Uhh, you just fired Johnson mayor. I'm his replacement, Ted.
M. Rouge:Ted, we have got a major crisis here. I want you to get on the phone and call Inside Edition, Rescue 911, Oh and Entertainment Tonight. You better get my stylist on the phone too. Don't worry, things are under control.
[Back on the Mountain]
Jimbo:And then Ned picked up the grenade and... BOOM, blasted his arm clear off. We spent three hours looking for that damn arm, but it was ever to be found. Some say it's still crawling around to this day.
[Ned reaches to Knuckles with a fake arm]
Ned:Mmmrowwwh.
[Laughter]
Jimbo:Hah, got ya.
Knuckles:Heh, that's not scary.
Sonic:You were scared Knux, you almost peed your fur.
Knuckles:Shut up, I didn't pee my fur
Jimbo:Hey Ned, hand me that gin. You boy's want to tie one on?
Sonic:No, No thanks, that stuff tastes like pee.
Mighty:Yeah, Knuckles' pee.
Knuckles:Hey, you would taste my pee!
Jimbo:What the hell's wrong with you? Can't you have a little alcohol?
[Shadow starts drinking gas.]
Jimbo:Christ, look at that little bastard go!
[Shadow Hiccups]
Jimbo:Now you see that Mighty, now, now that is a dirty little bastard!
Mighty:Hey, I'm a dirty little bastard too.
Knuckles:Hey you guys, I know a scary story.
Sonic:Shut up Knuckles, you can't scare anybody
Knuckles:Oh yeah, have you guys ever heard of Scuzzlebutt?
Mighty:Whatawhat?
Knuckles:Scuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up on this very mountain, and kills anybody who dares climb to the top.
Mighty:Why?
Knuckles:Because, it loves the taste of blood, and likes to add pieces to it's deformed body.
Sonic: Deformed how?
Cartman:Well, on his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...
Mighty:A hook?
Sonic:A knife?
Knuckles:No! A piece of celery.
Mighty:Celery?
Knuckles:Yeah, and he walks with a limp. Because one of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be, there's nothing but...Patrick Duffy.
Sonic:Patrick Duffy?! Damn it Knuckles, that's not scary.
Knuckles:What do you mean? Have you ever seen Step By Step?
[Silence]
Knuckles:So he lives alone on this mountain, and weaves baskets, and other assorted crafts. They say that on quiet nights you can hear him weaving his baskets. Kashink, kashink, kashink.
Mighty:Knuckles, you suck at telling scary stories.
Sonic:Yeah, give me that flashlight.
[Rumble]
Shadow:Hey whats that?
Sonic: Yeah what is that?
Mighty:Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt coming to weave us into wicker baskets.
Knuckles:Hey, it might be!
Sonic:Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.
[Laughter]
Knuckles:Go to Hell!
[Jimbo strumming guitar]
Jimbo:Hey Ned, why don't you whip out the ole cancer kazoo. Let's do a little song.
Ned:A kumbayah my lord, kumbayah. Kumbayah my lord, kumbayah. Uumbayah my lord, kumbayah.
[Jimbo Crying]
Ned:Moh lord, Kumbayah. Emm someone's crying lord, Kumbayah.
[Singing continues]
Knuckles:They don't think Scuzzlebutt is scary huh? Let's see how they like it when they actually see Scuzzlebutt. I'll scare the hell out of them tomorrow.
[Knuckles puts on a brown garb, and grabs a piece of celery, and a stick]
Ned:Someone's crying my lord, Kumbayah. Moh lord, Kumbayah.
[Next morning]
Sonic:Mighty, Might, wake up!
Mighty:What dude?
Sonic:I don't know where Cartman is. I think something took him away.
Mighty:Where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?
Sonic:They're out fishing with Shadow.
Mighty:With Shadow? But, but this is supposed to be my camping trip. Why do they like Kenny so much? Doesn't he like me anymore?
Sonic:Well Might, you want to know what I think?
Mighty:What?
[Sonic farts]
[In the fishing boat]
Jimbo:What a beautiful morning for fishing. There's one, there's a fish right there!
[Jimbo throws grenade, explodes killing a fish.]
Ned:Mmm, got it.
[Shadow throws grenade, it explodes and kills four fish.]
Jimbo:Great instincts boy.
Mighty:Uncle Jimbo, Knuckles' missing!
Jimbo:Who? The fat headed echidna?
Stan:Yeah.
Jimbo:Ah hell, I guess we better go look for him. Ned, we got to cut it short. Fire out the 12-20!
[Ned fires rocket, it explodes and kills a lake full of fish.]
Jimbo:Well, I think that's about the limit for our fishing permit.
Ned:Moh man it smells like dead fish here.
Shadow:It smells like a vagina.
Ned:Moh man, that is nasty.
Jimbo:Heh, I don't think I've ever seen a kid as cool as you Shadow. I'm making you my honorary nephew. Even if your a hedeghog
Shadow:Cool.
[Mighty looks dejected.]
[In front of city hall]
Newscaster:The people of.... whispers:what town is this?
Camera man:Uhh Sonic, Park.
Newscaster:Sonic Park are humble and friendly. But now, a ticking timebomb of hot lava waits to engulf these people and end their miserable lives with one last fleeting moment of excruciatingly painful burning agony.
Crowd:Yeahhh.
Individual in crowd:Hey, I'm on TV, I'm on TV.
Newscaster:Mayor, what are you doing to prepare for this inevitible catastrophe?
M. Rouge:All we know right now is that some of our children are camping on that mountain and... Oh, I'm sorry, can I start over?
Newscaster:Huh?
M. Rouge:You can edit this right? Ready, 3,2,1 (Melodramatically) All we know right now is that some of our children are up camping on that mountain. We can't doing anything until we get them. Ok people, let's go get those kids.
Chef Eggman:Come on everybody. You got to help the children.
[On the mountain]
Jimbo:Uh, well, he couldn't have gone far, unless something drug him off.
Ned:There's not many animals out today, Jimbo, mmm.
Jimbo:Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.
[Rumble]
Jimbo:Christ Ned, what'd you have for breakfast.
Ned:Mmm I don't know man, I've got some bad gas.
Jimbo:Wait, there's a ram! It's coming right for us!
[Shadow opens fire, killing the ram.]
Jimbo:Nice shootin' Shadow. Here, you need a bigger gun.
[Jimbo takes Mightys gun and gives it to Shadow]
Sonic:Look!
[Sonic points to Knuckles]
Knuckles:I am Scuzzlebutt, Lord of the Mountains. Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
Ned:Mmm, what is it?
Sonic: Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Knuckles wasn't lying.
Jimbo:Holy crow, we could make a mint killing this thing.
Ned:We'll be on the cover of Guns & Ammo.
Jimbo:This calls for some HJ-14.
Knuckles:Those guy's totally scared
Jimbo:Fire in the hole!
[Jimbo fires two missles at Knuckles]
Knuckles:Holy Crap!
Jimbo: Damn it, I think I missed
Knuckles:What the hell is wrong with you people!?!
Jimbo:C'mon, let's move, move!
Knuckles:Hey, wait, ahh!
[Rescue Center]
M. Rouge:Is it on? Ok. Ok people, form groups and search the mountain. Report back here every hour, you got that?!?
Randy:Mayor, I might have an uh idea.
M. Raouge:Huh, what?
Randy:If we can dig a very large trench, we can divert the lava into a canyon, and then it would bypass Sonic Park, pretty much completely.
M. Rouge:And, that would be good? Right?
Randy:I'm pretty sure.
M. Rouge:Well, what are we waiting for. Ok people, change of plans. Half of you grab shovels.
[On the moutain]
Jimbo:These look like his tracks. He must have gone this way. Ned, prepare some HK-12 and some plastiscene. I'll bet that sucker's headed for a higher elevation. The higher up it.... BIRD!!
[Jimbo shoots Bald Eagle.]
Jimbo:The higher up it goes, the better it can breathe.
Sonic:Look, up there.
Knuckles:You guys, it's just me.
Jimbo:Are we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?
Mighty: Does it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?
Jimbo:I can't tell, let's kill it!
Knuckles:Eh, I gotta get out of this stupid costume.
Jimbo:Shadow, you take the front.
Mighty:No, I can do it Uncle Jimbo. I want to bag that animal!
Jimbo:That's the spirit kiddo, let's hunt!
Knuckles:You guys, you guys, I was just kidding!
[Townspeople digging trench]
Newscaster:As some people of Sonic Park try desperately to save their mountain town, others look for the missing townspeople. But all must take every precaution necessary.
[Rescue Center]
Officer Big:Ok people, listen up. As we near the top of the mountain, the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great. Therefore, I have special ordered this training film to assist us in volcano safety. Mr. Robotnik, if you would please.
[Lava and You]
Film Narrator:Harbringers of sorrow, natural disasters can be the cause of troubling and undesireable stress, and the volcano is no exception. But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you or your family? Here we see the Steven's family enjoying a picnic, but suddenly Jane hears a noise. It's a volcano. Junior seems worried. But have no fear Junior, Jane learned in school what to do when you hear a volcano erupt. That's right Jane, duck and cover.
[The lava rolls over the family, causing no harm]
Film Narrator:So what will you do when you hear a volcano erupting? That's right, duck and cover.
[The lava rolls over two kids, causing no harm]
Film Narrator:Looks like you got the idea. Duck and Cover. Thank you and goodnight.
Officer Big:OK, any questions?
Chef Eggman:That has got to be the most ridiculous load of pig crap, I have ever seen!
Officer Big:That's enough out of you.
[On the mountain]
Mighty:I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt, then we'll see who's the little bastard.
Knuckles:Hey, seriously you guys!
[Mighty takes aim]
Sonic:Kill it Might, kill it.
[pause]
Mighty:Ah damn it, I can't do it!
Jimbo:You pansy! [Jimbo hits Mighty] Give me that gun!
Knuckles:Hey!
[Knuckles takes off the sheet]
Mighty:Knuckles?
Knuckles:God damn it, don't shoot me!
Jimbo:What in Samhell?
Knuckles:I was just trying to scare you guys, you can put the guns down now.
Ned:Mmm, so much for the cover of Guns & Ammo.
Jimbo:Yepper, but I think we've learned some important lessons Ned I think that....
[Volcano erupts]
Sonic:Whoa
Ned:Mmm, holy crap.
Jimbo:The mountain! It's blown it's top!
[Dramatic music]
[Lavaball lands on Shadow]
Sonic:Oh my God, they killed Shadow!
Shadow:Nope, I'm ok.
[Shadow arm catches fire and the lava ball rolls onto him]
Shadow:Ahhh!
[On the volcano]
Townsman1:Look, the volcano.
Townsman2:Quick, duck and cover.
[Lava burns townsmen to the bone]
[Base of mountain]
Sonic, Mighty, and Knuckles:Ahhh
Jimbo:That lava's coming right for us
Chef Eggman:Oh no, look.
[At the trench]
Jimbo:What the hell is this trench doing here?!? We can't get across!
Newscaster:It now looks as if the missing children are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.
M. Rouge:God, please deliver those darling kids from... Wait wait wait, wait. 3,2, and 1 God, [melodramatically] please deliver those....
Knuckles:Help!
[Dramatic Music, Scuzzlebutt enters and scratches itself]
Jimbo:Jimminy Pope it's the real Scuzzlebutt!
Knuckles:What! Scuzzlebutt's real?!?
Sonic:Oh my God! Look at his leg!
Patrick Duffy:Hi kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
Jimbo:Quick Ned, shoot it!
[Ned's gun clicks]
Ned:Mmm oh no out of ammo.
Scuzzlebutt:Grrrr.
M. Rouge:What, is that thing?
Chef Eggman:That's Scuzzlebutt.
Mr. Robotnik:Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg, and weaves baskets.
Officer Big:This isn't happening, everyone look away please. Nothing to see here.
Jimbo:Well boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.
[Scuzzlebutt grabs a tree and weaves it into a basket]
Sonic:Ahhh
Mighty:Whoa, he built a wicker basket
Jimbo:Hey, he's saving us.
Scuzzlebutt:Grrr.
Ms. Cartman:Scuzzlebutt saved the day
Randy:And my calculations worked, the lava is following the trench into the canyon.
M. Rouge:Where exactly does the canyon go?
Randy:Uhh....
[Denver]
[Lava rolls into city]
Denver citizens:Ahhhh.
[Sonic Park]
Mr. Robotnik:Sonicpark is saved.
[Shadow enters]
Sonic:Hey look, Shadow's ok.
Shadow:Hey guys, how's it goin'?
Newscaster:And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate their jovial victory over nature. I'm getting word that the chef of the school cafeteria wants to sing a song about this thrilling struggle of humanity.
Chef Eggman:Mmmm, baby everytime that we kiss, hot lava. Everytime that we make love there's lava, hot lava. Lava so hot it makes me sweat Lava so warm and red. Hot Lava Mmmmm.
Newscaster:Mayor, what do you have to say about this wonderful outcome?
M. Rouge:Well, we owe everything to this friendly, yet misunderstood creature. Thank you Scuzzlebutt.
Scuzzlebutt:Friend
[Scuzzlebutt hands Mayor Rouge flowers]
M. Rouge:Oh, how sweet.
[Mighty shoots Scuzzlebutt]
Mighty:I did it, I did it, I finally killed something.
Newscaster:Oh my God! What has he done?
M. Rouge:Turn off the cameras!
Mighty:Hey, that was easy!
Patrick Duffy:Noooo! Why God? Why?
Jimbo: Damn it Mighty, you shouldn't have done that!
Mighty:What?!? Why?!?
Sonic:Yeah, make up your mind, dude!
Jimbo:Mighty, some things you kill, and some things you don't. See?
Mighty:No.
Ned:Mmm, only now in this late hour do I see the folly of guns. Mmm, I'll never use a gun again, mmm.
[Ned drops his gun that discharges and kills Shadow.]
Shadow:Oh no
[Rats pursue Shadow's corpse]
Mighty:But I just wanted you to be proud of me, like you were with Shadow.
Jimbo:But Shadow's dead now Mighty, and you're always going to be my nephew. And you can't just kill anything. You understand?
Sonic: Dude, I don't understand hunting at all
Mighty:Yeah, it's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons.
Knuckles:Yeah, cartoon's kick ass!
The End
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How'd you like episode 3 of Sonic Park. I'll have episode four up a.s.a.p. so keep reading. Send all comments, reviews, flames, and other remarks to HyperSonicAdam2@aol.com