Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ The Fall of Darth Gore ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: The Fall of Darth Gore

 

[The camera shows Amy's apartment from earlier. Amy and Tails are both there.]

 

Amy: Oh Tails, I heard about your appointment to the Jedi Council! I'm so happy for you!

 

Tails: Council, schmouncil. They refuse to give me the rank of Master!

 

Amy: It will take some time, but I'm sure you'll be a master eventually.

 

Tails: They're all jealous you know. They're afraid of my powers. Jealous of my abilities. Sometimes I wonder about the Jedi Order. This war is tearing apart the republic.

 

Amy: Have you ever thought…we might be on the wrong side?

 

Tails: What do you mean?

 

Amy: What if we've become the very nerds we're fighting? What if the Republic isn't democratic anymore?

 

Tails: Oh my God…you're a Separatist, aren't you?

 

Amy: This war represents a failure to listen! If the Republic stops fighting right now and drops all its weapons, we'll be able to peacefully talk to the Separatists.

 

Tails: What is wrong with you? You seriously believe that if we stop fighting right now the Separatists will also stop? As opposed to what they will do, which is bulldoze us all over while we pretend to be hippies.

 

Amy: What is wrong with you?

 

Tails: Oh nothing, I just realized my wife is some mouthpiece for moronic political propaganda and a heaping load of bullshit is spilling out of those lips.

 

Amy: Hold me Tails. Think of what else used to be in these lips. Hold me.

 

Tails: Oh bitch, you're so crazy…I love you.

 

[The scene cuts to some queer-ass space opera bullshit deal. Whatever it is, it is totally irrelevant to the scene. Tails rushes up to the Chancellor's box.]

 

Tails: Chancellor Robotnik, you wished to speak to me?

 

Eggman: Ahh yes, Tails. I have good news!

 

Tails: Oh really?

 

Eggman: Yes. We have located General Big. He is hiding on a planet in the (he emits a series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system.

 

Tails: Sweet. Soon he'll be captured, this war will be over, and you can relinquish all these special executive powers you don't want.

 

Eggman: Right. I can give up all my pow…(snort)…I'm sorry…couldn't say that without breaking up. Please, be seated.

 

[Tails sits next to Eggman.]

 

Eggman: You know, I worry about the Jedi Council. They're planning things.

 

Tails: What are you talking about?

 

Eggman: I fear they plan to betray me. They want control over the Republic.

 

Tails: I find that kind of far-fetched…

 

Eggman: They hate me. They hate the Senate. They hate democracy.

 

Tails: That might be a bit extreme…

 

Eggman: Oh please, Knuckles personally told me he wants to rule the galaxy to ensure an unending supply of sex slaves for himself…

 

Tails: That's not all he wanted…

 

Eggman: He told you about the tentacle monster, didn't he?

 

Tails: (pause) Gross…uhh, no. They…

 

[Tails hangs his head.]

 

Eggman: They want you to spy on me, don't they?

 

Tails: Yes…and I'm so conflicted. When you asked me to spy on the Jedi, I felt no guilt. When they ask me to spy on you, I feel so confused and reluctant.

 

Eggman: That, my son, is what we call a hallmark of bad script-writing…but, nonetheless, the Jedi are afraid to lose power. I however, am not. If someone only asked, I would voluntarily give up all the (chuckle)…ahh, that's a blatant lie.

 

Tails: But the Jedi are good!

 

Eggman: Who's to say? It's all a matter of opinion. An order that has preserved peace in the galaxy for millennia, that has fought to save worlds from war and hatred, and that has worked to make this galaxy a place of hope and freedom, all at great personal cost to itself is almost the same as an order that has slaughtered millions across this galaxy, that has destroyed and annihilated, has plunged whole systems into death and anguish, all to further their own power. I mean, they are basically the same.

 

Tails: (nods) I can kind of see that.

 

Eggman: Good…did you ever hear about the tragedy of Darth Gore?

 

Tails: Who?

 

Eggman: I thought you wouldn't know…it's a Sith legend. Darth Gore was a powerful Sith lord once, then he lost the election for Sith President and became insane. He went into hiding, and when he returned, he had gained powers beyond anyone's dreams. He could even create life…

 

Tails: Go on.

 

Eggman: I'm trying to hint here that your virgin birth might have been caused by Sith influence here.

 

Tails: Hey, I don't care about that nonsense. Keep telling the story!

 

Eggman: Fine. He could also keep those he loved from dieing. Sadly, he was stabbed to death by his apprentice. The only thing he was left with was a small egg his apprentice had given him before the murder. The asshole never knew what hit him. “You're not strong enough to learn my Sith techniques” my ass. Look who's boss now, bitch.

 

Tails: He could save people from death?

 

Eggman: The Dark Side of the Force is the pathway to powers many would consider…unnnnnnnaaaaaatuuuuuuuuuural.

 

Tails: And how do I get a piece of that?

 

Eggman: (all creepy like) Not from a Jediiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…

 

[The scene cuts to Kashyyyyk. In the middle of a large tree, Yoda speaks to the Jedi Council who show up as holograms.]

 

Boris: The Chancellor of the Soviet Peoples says that General Big is on a planet in the (series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system.

 

Knuckles: Does anyone else find it odd that the Chancellor always knows where the enemy forces are?

 

Tails: Not really. He intercepts messages addressed to a “Darth Egg”, who seems to live in the same exact building as Chancellor Robotnik.

 

Yoda: However obtained this information was, act on it we must.

 

Sonic: Sounds good.

 

Tails: Oh, yeah. And while we're at it, Chancellor Robotnik suggested I lead the mission to defeat Big.

 

Knuckles: Yeeeeeah…I don't think so.

 

Arthas: Totally! We get to decide who we want to send.

 

Knuckles: Seeing as our resources are stretched thin, we should send a lone Jedi Master. How about it, Sonic?

 

Tails: Yeah, but last time he fought Big it was less than successful.

 

Sonic: Well, despite what Mr. Jealous over there is saying, I do have the most experience when it comes to fighting Big.

 

Yoda: Sonic, my choice is.

 

Boris: Yes. Hero of the Soviet Peoples Sonic should go!

 

Arthas: Cough…commie…cough.

 

Knuckles: Right. Sonic, you are the Council's choice. Prepare to go to the (series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system and defeat General Big the Cat. Meeting adjourned. Damn, I need some food. Get someone to make me a Hot Pocket!

 

[The hologram fades out. Yoda walks up to a clone commander.]

 

Clone Commander: Master Yoda, the Separatist forces are moving.

 

Yoda: Then now the time is.

 

Clone Commander: Yes sir. Our forces are moving as well.

 

[The camera zooms towards a beach on Kashyyyyyk. Droids of the Separatist army hit the beach as Clone troopers and Wookies fight back. The next few minutes are a deafening display of visual effects. Just when it seems the movie is about to start kicking ass, the scene cuts back to Coruscant, and a ship loading platform.]

 

Tails: You need me on this mission master. You can't fight Big alone.

 

Sonic: I know…but, this may end up being a pointless chase across the galaxy.

 

[Sonic turns and starts to walk across a platform to a large Republic cruiser.]

 

Tails: Master!

 

[Sonic stops and Tails walks up to him.]

 

Tails: I just wanted to apologize for being such a prick these past few days. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I was just so frustrated with the Council.

 

Sonic: Oh, don't worry. Even thought I probably should chastise you for being so annoying, I'll let it slide. This time. Next time though, I will have to kick your ass.

 

Tails: Don't worry master; there won't be a next time. I'm totally loyal to the Jedi and the Republic.

 

Sonic: Okay. That's reassuring to know. Well, I'm off to the (series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system.

 

[Sonic starts back down the ramp.]

 

Tails: May the Force be with you!

 

Sonic: You just had to say it, didn't you?

 

Tails: Yes.

 

Sonic: Well, may the Force be with you also.

 

[Sonic boards the ship, and it takes off. The scene cuts to the interior of the ship's hangar bay. Sonic is surrounded by Clone troopers as they discuss their battle plans over a hologram of the planet.]

 

Clone Commander Guy: Most of the populace lives along this one continent.

 

Sonic: Good. I'll keep them distracted until you arrive. Just don't take too long.

 

Clone Commander Guy: That's slanderous! When have we ever taken too long?

 

Sonic: Let's see…that time on Geonosis when you showed up after all the Jedi were already killed. Or on Mobius when all the robots were dead by the time you finally meandered over. Or, perhaps, on Halo, when the ring was already destroyed before you dragged your asses over.

 

Clone Commander Guy: We never went to those battles.

 

Sonic: My point exactly.

 

[Sonic jumps into his fighters and launches out of the bay.]

 

Clone Commander Guy: I sure do hope that some galaxy-wide plan could be launched that would allow me to kill that ass.

 

Clone Soldier #4321: Well, isn't there the Chancellor's executive or-

 

Clone Commander Guy: Sarcasm and mockery is lost on you guys.

 

Clone Soldier #4322: How can we be lost? We're right here.

 

Clone Commander Guy: Ahh, forget it.