Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ The Precious ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter Seven: The Precious

 

[The scene cuts to Amy's apartment. Tails is sniffing a cushion.]

 

Amy: Uhh…Tails, honey, what are you doing?

 

Tails: I smell him…I smell Sonic.

 

Amy: Don't even tell me how you know what he smells like. He dropped by earlier today before leaving for-

 

Tails: Don't even say the name of that system! Why did he come here?

 

Amy: He's worried about you.

 

Tails: You told him about our secret relationship?

 

Amy: Secret? You live in my apartment. People keep coming over and you walk around naked. My God, what about that one time my old friend from Naboo dropped by while we were having sex? And you tried to explain to her that I had something caught between my legs? And you had to get it out with your wang? I'm several months pregnant here. It's kinda suspicious.

 

Tails: Stupid Sonic with his smartness…trying to break through my elaborate web of lies. They don't trust me!

 

Amy: Sonic loves you-

 

Tails: (cutting in) Oh great, now he wants to steal me away from my wife. The felon.

 

Amy: Let me finish, like a son.

 

Tails: Oh, so he's got some creepy incestuous Jedi fantasy going on here. Does he also want me to wear some cuffs? Maybe some assless chaps? A buttplug perhaps?

 

Amy: Okaaaay…what's bothering you?

 

Tails: I…I think I have way to save you.

 

Amy: I keep telling you, I'm not going to die.

 

Tails: Yeah, well, I've found a way to make sure you never die. I shall become so powerful that you'll never have to leave me.

 

Amy: Awww. That's sweet. But if you really want to help me, you could bring me some nachos.

 

Tails: Do I get to fool around with you if I bring them?

 

Amy: Only if you bring cheese and salsa.

 

Tails: You drive a hard bargain…

 

Amy: Nachos, Tails. They're…precious to me.

 

[The scene cuts to the planet in the (series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system. Sonic's ship lands on a docking platform, and some ambassadors from the planet walk up to his ship. At their head is…the G-Man, ambassador supreme.]

 

G-Man: Greetings-s-s-s, Jedi. What brings-s-s you to our (swallow) planet?

 

Sonic: War! Good God, ya'll! Wha-

 

G-Man: Great, thanks-s-s for bringing that (swallow) turd back here.

 

Sonic: Right. Well, I'd like to have my ship refueled, and permission to use this planet as a base while I search for General Big the Cat.

 

[The G-Man leans in.]

 

G-Man: He is-s-s (swallow) here. Tenth level. Thous-s-s-sands-s-s of droids-s-s.

 

Sonic: Really? Are you bullshittin' me here?

 

G-Man: Did you not notice the fleet of S-s-separatis-s-st (swallow) s-s-ships-s-s hanging over the planet?

 

Sonic: That I missed. Well, uhh, now would be a good time to hide.

 

G-Man: No s-s-shit.

 

[Sonic walks over to his fighter and jumps in.]

 

Sonic: Astro-droid man, fly this ship back to the cruiser. Tell Clone Commander Guy that I've found Big.

 

[The scene cuts to a balcony overlooking the landing platform. The G-Man looks down, the shadowy figure of one of Big's bodyguards behind him.]

 

G-Man: I'm telling you, he was-s-s only after (swallow) fuel.

 

Bodyguard: What is his name?

 

G-Man: He didn't (swallow) tell me.

 

Bodyguard: Hmm…it's a shame there's so many blue anthropomorphic hedgehogs in this galaxy…

 

[Sonic looks up from a small alcove towards the tenth level. He disappears into shadows as his fighter takes off. The scene cuts to Sonic riding some God-awful annoying lizard thing that shrieks real loudly. He rides the lizard until he gets into a large room, where General Big is talking to the Separatist ruling council. Sonic listens in from a pipe on the ceiling.]

 

Big: I have decided to s-(hack)-end you to the planet Moustache, a planet of pure lava and pain. For your (wheeze) safety.

 

Separatist leader guy #1: Safety? On a planet of boiling lava and pain? Without Metal Sonic's aid, I doubt that you can keep us safe.

 

Big: I hope you fall into a (snort) volcano. Now, go to your ship.

 

[The Separatist ruling council wanders off. Sonic thinks for a moment, then leaps down.]

 

Sonic: Good morning General!

 

[Big whips around.]

 

Big: General Sonic? Ag-(hack)-ain? Kill him!

 

[Several dozen droids come out of nowhere, including several more cloaked bodyguards. Two of them throw of their cloaks. It's Megabyte and Cervantes.]

 

Sonic: Didn't we already kill you two?

 

Cervantes: ARR!

 

Megabyte: Yeah…you did. HAVE AT YOU!

 

[The guards charge in, swinging their staffs. Somehow, Sonic knocks them out easily. Three guards remain, and Sonic hits a switch that causes a large metal crate to come crashing down on the last three.]

 

Megabyte: Why was I brought back to life to suffer through this?!

 

Cervantes: ARRRRRRR!

 

Bodyguard #3: 1 \/\/45 ju57 pwn3d 1|\| d4 455!!!1! (I was just owned in the ass!)

 

[The remaining several dozen droids move in to kill Sonic.]

 

Big: No. Le-(wheeze)-ave him to me.

 

Sonic: Your move, lardtub.

 

[Big throws his cloak off.]

 

Big: I was trained by Metal S-(hacking fit)-onic himself.

 

[Big's arms split in half {Author's Note: Don't think too much about that} and each hand grabs a lightsaber. Big advances with four lit sabers.]

 

Sonic: Oooh…that's a neat trick.

 

[Big engages Sonic in combat. Sabers swing back and forth. Just as it seems Big is about to win, Clone Troopers come barging into the room. Laser fire streaks across the room.]

 

Big: Shiii-(wheeze)-iiiiiit.

 

[Sonic uses the Force to push Big backwards. He slams into the ground, lightsabers rolling off in all directions. Big flips back to standing.]

 

Sonic: My Clone Troopers have arrived. Surrender!

 

Big: Time to make an (hacking) escape!

 

[Big leaps onto a wheel with legs, and starts to ride away. Sonic whistles and the annoying lizard thing shows up. Sonic jumps on it and rides after Big.]