Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ Majesty of the Jedi ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter Eight: Majesty of the Jedi

 

[The scene cuts to Coruscant, and a table surrounded by holograms of various Jedi, while Knuckles and Tails stand at the head of the table. Rouge the Bat is among the Jedi holograms, and is covered in blue body paint.]

 

Knuckles: Jedi, I have ca—

 

Rouge: Wait just one second! Why the hell am I painted blue?

 

Knuckles: What?

 

Rouge: I'm painted blue. And the clothes I'm wearing would give my father a heart-attack.

 

Knuckles: It's no different from the clothes you usually wear, you whore.

 

Rouge: I usually don't have my breasts painted blue and popping out all over the place!

 

Knuckles: Oh my God…

 

Rouge: I am not wearing this!

 

Knuckles: Then take it off!

 

[Rouge starts to slip the top off, then pauses.]

 

Rouge: YOU PERVERT!

 

[The hologram of Rouge slaps Knuckles across the face.]

 

Knuckles: OW! How can a hologram even hurt me?!

 

[A hologram of Clone Commander Guy flickers on.]

 

Clone Commander Guy: I hate to interrupt this bonding session, but Sonic has made contact with Big and our forces have been deployed.

 

Knuckles: Excellent news. Tails, take this report to Chancellor Robotnik.

 

Tails: Yes, master.

 

[Tails bows and leaves, and the hologram of Clone Commander Guy vanishes.]

 

Knuckles: I sense a plot against the Jedi…evil surrounds the Chancellor.

 

Rouge: What do you mean?

 

Knuckles: Well, he keeps cackling maniacally. And he has murals of ancient Sith lords on his walls. Plus there's the fact he looks exactly like the Sith Lord behind Metal Sonic and General Big.

 

Arthas: And has anyone seen the bags under his eyes?

 

Rouge: How are bags under one's eyes a symbol of evil?

 

Arthas: You're one to talk with your breasts splayed out all over the place.

 

Rouge: HEY!

 

47: Can we please keep the talk of boobs out of this council meeting?

 

Kerrigan: You're just jealous that you've never gotten any!

 

47: SHUT UP!

 

Boris: At least I've tapped that ass.

 

Kerrigan: You did not “tap” my “ass”. You were dreaming!

 

Arthas: That's not all! He wrote some erotic fanfiction about nailing you!

 

Boris: SILENCE, PANSY! At least I didn't write a story about feeling up MEN!

 

Knuckles: Can we please cal-

 

Arthas: TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR, YOU COMMIE PRICK!

 

Boris: Hey, I didn't fantasize about feeling up 47's bald head.

 

47: I'm not BALD! It's shaved!

 

Arthas: I KNEW he was shaved!

 

47: Oh, that is vile.

 

Knuckles: We have more impor-

 

Boris: Kerrigan! Drop your top!

 

Kerrigan: You pig!

 

Boris: Fine…Rouge! Your breasts are hanging out anyways!

 

Rouge: I'll kill you!

 

Knuckles: Can we ple-

 

Arthas: I'd like some ass!

 

Kerrigan: I'm not dropping my pants for you!

 

Arthas: I wasn't talking to you.

 

Boris: PANSY!

 

47: I sorta got some lovin'!

 

Kerrigan: Yeah. Right. A kiss. Way to go!

 

Arthas: Have you been seeing someone behind my back?

 

47: I'm not going out with you!

 

Boris: You're all PANSIES! All of you!

 

Knuckles: Please, for the love of all that is holy, can we ple-

 

Rouge: Oh, shut up Boris. You're just trying to compensate for that tiny little penis of yours.

 

Boris: SLANDER! It's as large as the wastes of Siberia!

 

Arthas: And about as useful…

 

Boris: I WILL KILL YOU! I will strangle you in your sleep!

 

Kerrigan: I wouldn't recommend crawling in bed with him…

 

Boris: You betrayed me Kerrigan! You slept with him!

 

Kerrigan: I did not!

 

Knuckles: Pleeeease stop ta-

 

Arthas: Why would I want to sleep with her?

 

Boris: BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A HOT ASS!

Arthas: Meh…

 

Boris: COCKSUCKER!

 

Kerrigan: You think my ass is hot?

 

Rouge: Why aren't we talking about me anymore?

 

47: Hey! My ass isn't too shabby either!

 

Boris: Yeah, but your head looks like a bald penis.

 

47: A WHAT?! How can it conceivably be “bald”?!

 

Knuckles: I swear to Go-

 

Arthas: Mmm…head-penis…

 

Boris: PANSY!

 

Rouge: Somebody talk about my boobs already!

 

Kerrigan: You really think my ass is hot?

 

Boris: It's a slab of pure Zerg sexy!

 

Kerrigan: Oh, Boris, that's so sweet…

 

Knuckles: IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, I WILL PERSONALLY KILL ALL OF YOU!

 

[Silence.]

 

Knuckles: Thank God. Okay, back to our topic…

 

47: What is our topic?

 

Arthas: Head-penis!

 

Knuckles: (turns to Arthas) I hope you die a lonely and painful death (turns back to the others). Our topic, before we delved into Assland…

 

Arthas: There's an Assland?

 

Knuckles: No. In any case, our topic was the Chancellor, and a plot to destroy the Jedi.

 

47: Yes. If he doesn't hand back executive powers after Big is killed, we may have to remove him from office.

 

Knuckles: That's dangerous. We'd have to take control of the Senate.

 

47: And replace corrupt politicians.

 

Yoda: To a dangerous place, this leads.

 

Knuckles: Holy fuck, how long have you been here?

 

Yoda: Since the beginning, been here I have.

 

Knuckles: Wow…