Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ Executive Order 69 ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter Eleven: Executive Order 69

 

[Eggman stands at his full height, his face now horribly disfigured. Tails sits on the floor, despair clearly marked across his face.]

 

Tails: What…have I done?

 

Eggman: You have just participated in the murder of one of the greatest Jedi ever. You have helped ensure the fall of the Galactic Republic. Join me…become my apprentice, and together, we shall rule this galaxy.

 

Tails: Fine…I'll do whatever you want, but don't let Amy die…she means too much to me.

 

Eggman: Would now be a bad time to tell you that I have no idea how to use the Force to keep people alive?

 

Tails: WHAT?!

 

Eggman: Yeah…only my Master knew how to do it, and I killed him before he told me…so….yeah, sorry about that…I should've told you earlier…

 

Tails: Meh…I pledge myself to your will. Teach me the ways of the Sith.

 

[Tails kneels before Eggman.]

 

Eggman: Good. The Force is strong with you. A powerful Sith Lord, will you be. And I'm talking like Yoda now…note to self: lay off the gin. Right. Where was I?

 

Tails: You were about to introduce my new Sith name.

 

Eggman: Right. Henceforth, you shall be known as…DARTH TATER!

 

Tails: Excuse me? Darth potato?

 

Eggman: Oh, fine…henceforth, you shall be known as…DARTH VADER!

 

Tails: Parooooooooody!

 

Eggman: There's just no pleasing you, is there? Henceforth, you shall be known as…DARTH VULPES!

 

[{Author's Note: Notice how smart I am? That's the genus name for fox! God, I deserve a Nobel Prize for this stuff}.]

 

Tails: Thank you, my master.

 

Eggman: Rise, Darth Vulpes!

 

[The scene cuts to Kashyyyyyyk. Yoda winces in pain, clutching his head. There is a…disturbance in the Force. The scene cuts back to Coruscant. Eggman is now cloaked in all black.]

 

Eggman: The Jedi did not trust you…you were probably the only one not aware of this plan. If we do not move quickly, the Jedi will move against us and slaughter the Senate.

 

Tails: Yes, we must save the Senate.

 

Eggman: Yeeeah…but you must know, every single Jedi is now an enemy of the Republic, including your friend Sonic.

 

Tails: I understand.

 

Eggman: We must move quickly. Catch the Jedi off-guard. Head to the Temple. Do what must be done. Do not hesitate, show no mercy. Ask not what your country can do for you, but rather, what you can do for your country. Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! And build a Stairway to Heaveeeeeen. Because I'll be back. And then, as we fall into the ring of fire, we shall be saved by the Dark Knight, who does whatever a spider can.

 

Tails: What in God's name was that all about?

 

Eggman: Gin and lard. A combination made in the very fire of my bowels, resulting in the dread forces of drunk and diarrhea.

 

Tails: That is so gross…

 

Eggman: Of course it is. Now, head to the Temple. Slaughter all in your way!

 

Tails: What about the other Jedi spread across the galaxy?

 

Eggman: I have plans in place to take care of them. When you are done in the Temple, head to the planet Moustache. The Separatist ruling council is there. Kill them all.

 

[The scene cuts to Tails, cloaked in black marching up the steps of the Jedi Temple, thousands of Clone Troopers behind him. The Imperial Theme strikes up. And just before we hit a potentially cool scene of slaughter, the scene cuts to the (series of high-pitched clicking sounds) system. Sonic rides up to Clone Commander Guy on his shrieking lizard.]

 

Sonic: Clone Commander Guy, tell your forces to move up to the higher levels. The Separatists are concentrated in those areas.

 

Clone Commander Guy: Yes, sir.

 

[Clone Commander Guy turns to walk away, then turns back.]

 

Clone Commander Guy: Oh, you'll be needing this, sir.

 

[Clone Commander Guy hands Sonic his lightsaber.]

 

Sonic: Thanks, Clone Commander Guy. Now, we've got a battle to win!

 

[Sonic rides off on his shrieking lizard. The camera sticks on Clone Commander Guy. A soft beeping sound is heard, and Clone Commander Guy pulls out a communicator. A small hologram of Eggman appears.]

 

Eggman: Clone Commander Guy, it is time. Enact executive order 69.

 

Clone Commander Guy: Mass gay orgies amongst all military personnel?

 

Eggman: Oh God no…enact executive order 68!

 

Clone Commander Guy: Try, in vain, to be as cool as “Lord of the Rings”?

 

Eggman: Uhhh…order 67?

 

Clone Commander Guy: Free large fries with all combo meals?

 

Eggman: God dammit…let's see…order 70?

 

Clone Commander Guy: You're requesting a sex change operation?

 

Eggman: No! Why do I even have that order, anyways?

 

Clone Commander Guy: You were very drunk.

 

Eggman: Order 65?

 

Clone Commander Guy: Slaughter all Jedi across the galaxy with relative ease?

 

Eggman: Hmm…what's 66?

 

Clone Commander Guy: Slaughter all Jedi across the galaxy with relative ease while sad music plays in the background.

 

Eggman: That's the one! Wow…I really can't salvage this dramatic moment anymore. Enact executive order 66!

 

Clone Commander Guy: It will be done.

 

[The hologram disappears and Clone Commander Guy waves to crew of Clones near a large cannon.]

 

Clone Commander Guy: Blast the Jedi!

 

[The cannon roars to life, and a huge blast slams into the lizard, finally silencing it. Sonic tumbles hundreds of feet, landing in a pool of water. Sad music strikes up. The scene cuts to a bridge where lots of stuff is blowing up. Boris charges forward, leading some Clone Troopers, who suddenly freeze in place and pull out their weapons. The Clone Troopers open fire on Boris. He blocks a few shots, gets hit, stumbles, and falls to the ground. The camera cuts to Boris' blood-stained face.]

 

Boris: (faint) Please…someone…tell…Arthas I…I thought…he was a pansy…

 

[The scene cuts to this trippy planet with giant mushrooms. Kerrigan marches in front of her Clones. They stop, and pull up their guns. Kerrigan spins as they open fire, and the blasts hit her in the back. She hits the ground and the Clone Troopers keep firing. For several minutes.]

 

Kerrigan: (faintly) Christ…I'm dead already…stop shooting.

 

Clone Trooper #22688: Sir, why are we killing the hot female Jedi?

 

Clone Commander #32154: YOU'RE IN THE ARMY NOW, SON. YOU DON'T NEED WOMEN.

 

Clone Trooper #22688: Ohhhhhhh…well, that explains a lot.

 

Kerrigan: STOP SHOOTING ME IN THE ASS! I'M DEAD FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

 

[The scene cuts to Kashyyyyyyyk. Yoda drops his walking stick, and clutches his head in pain. The scene cuts to the inside of an ARC fighter following a Jedi Starfighter piloted by Agent 47. A hologram of Eggman shows up on the ARC fighter.]

 

Eggman: Pilots, enact Executive Order 66!

 

Pilot: It will be done.

 

[The ARC fighter drops back, and opens fire on the Jedi Starfighter. 47's ship explodes in flames around him, the burning hulk careening towards a tower.]

 

47: Wow. You would really think all my years of Jedi training could have prevented this almost comical death. God, we are some inept Jedi.

 

[47's ship slams into the tower. The scene cuts to a rock planet, where Jedi Master Arthas is riding a speeder bike flanked by two Troopers. They make cryptic hand signals, and drop back. They open fire on Arthas' speeder. Catching on fire, it careens towards a rock wall.]

 

Arthas: Now this seems oddly familiar…

 

[The speeder carrying Arthas rams into the rock wall. The scene cuts to Coruscant. Eggman speaks to a hologram of Clone Commander.]

 

Eggman: Enact Executive Order 66!

 

[The scene cuts to Clone Commander on Kashyyyyyyyyk. He nods to the hologram and closes the communicator. He and another Trooper move in on Yoda. Yoda quickly snaps around, and slices the Troopers in half with his saber. Two Wookies rush up to Yoda and carry him away as more Clones pour into the room. The scene cuts to Coruscant, and the Jedi Temple. Tails slashes his way through various Jedi, finally reaching the Council room. Inside are a group of small children, protected by Rouge.]

 

Rouge: Tails! What's going on? It sounds like we're under attack.

 

[Tails takes one last glance at Rouge's boobs, then ignites his saber. Grinning madly, he advances on her {Author's Note: NOT LIKE THAT} and the children {Author's Note: YOU SICK PERVERTS}.]