Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ Sith-Faced ( Chapter 14 )

Chapter Fourteen: Sith-Faced

 

[The scene cuts to Amy's apartment. Sonic enters the apartment and walks up to Amy.]

 

Amy: Sonic? You're still alive!

 

Sonic: I don't have time for this right now…where is Tails? When did you last see him?

 

Amy: Sometime yesterday…

 

Sonic: Do you know where he is?

 

Amy: (not at all convincing) No…

 

Sonic: Listen, I need to know where he is. He's in grave danger!

 

Amy: From the Sith?

 

Sonic: No… (dramatic pause) from himself. Amy, Tails has turned… (dramatic pause) to the Dark Side.

 

Amy: No! That's impossible! How can you say that?

 

Sonic: Well, I did see a hologram recording of him slaughtering Jedi. And pledging eternal allegiance to the Sith Lord, Darth Egg.

 

Amy: No you didn't!

 

Sonic: I understand that this is hard to accept, but please, I need you to-

 

Amy: TAILS WOULDN'T DO THAT!

 

Sonic: Listen, I saw recordings of him cutting down Je-

 

Amy: LIAR!

 

Sonic: SHUT UP! I know what I saw! Tails has gone all Sith on us, and I need to find him!

 

Amy: (softly) You're going to kill him aren't you?

 

Sonic: No. I'm going to have a nice talk with him, discuss our differing opinions, come to a mutual conclusion that benefits us both, and then cement our renewed friendship by going to the movies.

 

Amy: Really?

 

Sonic: Of course not you dumb bitch! Duh, I have to kill him.

 

Amy: Oh…

 

[Sonic wanders back to the landing platform of the apartment and prepares to step into a speeder, he turns back.]

 

Sonic: Tails is the father, isn't he?

 

[Amy looks away.]

 

Sonic: I should have been able to figure that one out earlier…

 

[The scene cuts to a landing platform somewhere in Coruscant. A gleaming silver ship sits on the platform. Amy boards the ship, and Sonic stealthily stows onboard. The camera cuts to the exterior and the ship takes off. The scene cuts to the interior of the Emperor's office. A hologram of Tails shows up.]

 

Tails: (hologram) The Separatists have been taken care of my lord.

 

Eggman: Excellent Lord Vulpes. You have brought peace and justice to the new Empire.

 

Tails: (hologram) Really?

 

Eggman: Well, if by peace you mean “eventual civil war” and by justice you mean “evil soul-crushing regime of hatred and oppression”, then yes.

 

Tails: (still a hologram) Sweet.

 

[The scene cuts to Moustache, showing the same conversations from Tails' location.]

 

Eggman: (now he's the hologram, and he will be for the rest of this scene) Send a message to all ships of the Trade Federation. All droids are to be deactivated immediately.

 

Tails: And what of the nerds, my lord?

 

Eggman: Oh, beats the fuck out of me. Throw them in a brig with some porn or something. Toss in a few Dungeons and Dragons games or something. Tentacle-rape porn or likewise.

 

Tails: We don't get to torture them?

 

Eggman: Oh, please. They're nerds. The only torture they need is the heart-strangling knowledge that they are never going to land a girlfriend.

 

Tails: Doesn't that cross the line into “in-humane and degrading punishment”?

 

Eggman: You have much to learn Darth Vulpes. We're talking about nerds here. Use your brain for Christ's sake…

 

Tails: Who?

 

Eggman: Forget it. Listen, they aren't human. If they were human, they'd eventually be able to get some female companionship…

 

Tails: Don't you think that's a little harsh considering the target audience of this film?

 

Eggman: Not at all. Maybe if we showed videos of bouncy gals wearing shirts that said “I (heart) nerds” they'd all kill themselves within a few days…

 

Tails: Uhh…is the Director trying to get some sort of personal bitterness across?

 

Eggman: Absolutely not. The Director is a well-adjusted individual. Save for random bouts of crippling depression. And loneliness. And painful longings for love. And occasional paranoia.

 

Tails: Oh…was that what his problem was when he was hitting on Kerrigan?

 

Eggman: Heehee…that was funny…in any case, I will contact you later. Har…nerds…endless amusement…he thought he could get in her pants…

 

[The hologram of Eggman blinks off. Tails looks to his left and a screen shows Amy's ship heading towards a landing platform {Author's Note: I wish there was some good synonyms for that…} on Moustache. The scene cuts to the landing platform, as Amy rushes out of the ship. Tails walks up to her.]

 

Tails: I saw your ship, Amy…

 

[They hug. Awwwww…how sweet. Just makes me want to vomit.]

 

Amy: Oh Tails…

 

Tails: It's okay…everything's fine…

 

Amy: Sonic told me terrible things…

 

Tails: What things? It wasn't the vibrator story, was it?

 

Amy: He said you'd killed younglings! That you turned to the Dark Side!

 

Tails: Lies, he's trying to turn you against me…I'm still on the side of good.

 

Amy: Even though your eyes are an unholy shade of red and the blood of presumably innocent people is splattered across your cloak?

 

Tails: Even though…Sonic is just trying to turn you against me…

 

Amy: But he cares about us!

 

Tails: US?! Why should he care about “us”?

 

Amy: Because he knows about our unconvincing love! He wants to help you!

 

Tails: He can't help you. Only I can help you.

 

Amy: (sniffling) All I want is your love!

 

Tails: Love can't save you! Only my Dark Side powers can save you!

 

Amy: At what cost?

 

Tails: Well, so far, several hundred Jedi and a peaceful government that had stood for several thousand years…

 

Amy: Come with me! Let's go into hiding, raise our child in peace! Leave all this behind!

 

Tails: We don't have to run anymore. I've become the strongest Jedi ever. I'm stronger than the Emperor…I can overthrow him and we can rule the galaxy together, make things how we want them to be!

 

Amy: Ooh…that's really tempting…

 

Tails: I knew you'd turn against me!

 

Amy: But I liked that idea…Sonic was wrong abou-

 

Tails: I don't want to hear about Sonic anymore. The Jedi turned against me, don't you turn against me too!

 

Amy: But I'm not turning against you…

 

Tails: You bitch! You've betrayed me! And all because of Sonic!

 

Amy: No, I'm trying to say that I still lov-

 

[The camera cuts to Sonic walking down the ramp of the ship.]

 

Tails: LIAR!

 

Amy: (turns and sees Sonic) I didn't know he was there!

 

Tails: You've been doing him behind my back! YOU WHORE!

 

Amy: No! I swear!

 

[Tails starts to Force choke Amy.]

 

Sonic: Let her go Tails!

 

Tails: What have you been doing with her? Foreplay? Anal-

 

Sonic: JUST LET HER GO!

 

[Tails releases his grip and Amy falls to the ground unconscious.]

 

Tails: You turned her against me.

 

Sonic: You did that yourself, you idiot.

 

Tails: You won't take her from me! I'm going to save her life!

 

Sonic: Save her life? What is wrong with you Tails? You just Force Chocked her! If the whole point of turning to the Dark Side was to save her, why the hell did you just nearly kill her?

 

Tails: Meh…she'll get over it.

 

Sonic: There are people who have waited THIRTY years for this. You can not heap shit on their faces!

 

Tails: Are you calling me shit-faced?

 

Sonic: You're not even paying attention to a word I'm saying…

 

Tails: You're mom wasn't paying attention!

 

Sonic: That's so juvenile!

 

Tails: You're mo—

 

Sonic: Don't even say it! For God's sake, your wife is like, what, 12 in the Sonic continuity? CRADLE ROBBER!

 

Tails: She wanted me to tap her ass!

 

[Sonic pulls out his lightsaber.]

 

Tails: And you made me Force Choke her! Damn you Sonic, you were sleeping with her!

 

Sonic: You…you…goddamn, you are retarded.

 

Tails: Duel me, bitch!

 

[Tails grabs his lightsaber. The two opponents ignite their blades. They swing at each other, and a monstrous lightsaber battle commences.]