Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Epic ❯ The Stinky Tree Saga ( Chapter 7 )

THE EPIC

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS AN EPIC EDITED BY VOLKOV "INTERACTIVE STORY!!!" STARRING A TON OF RANDOM PEOPLE WRITTEN BY LORD FEAR HAKU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG GRAND MASTER SHOMA SONICMON THE VIEW2FUL AND VOLKOV WRITTEN ON THE TRIPLE PEEPS FORUM IMAGINED BY LORD FEAR AND EDITED BY GREG "VOLKOV" PARAUBEK

Would you believe it? Seven sagas now…and many more to come! Although the plot holes start to pop up all over the place…you'll see. Now read or your life is forfeit!

Disclaimer: Any characters not owned by, but not limited to, Sega, Square Enix, Nintendo, Namco, Capcom, Westwood, or any other company were created by us (the forum users) and cannot be used without our express permission. This story is joint property of all the people who wrote anything in it, and the Triple Peeps, who own the forum where this was placed. You steal, you suffer the consequences. You've been warned. Now read and enjoy!

INTERACTIVE STORY!!!

The Stinky Tree Saga

[Yet again, on the ARK.]

Big: We have reclaimed the ARK!

[Back to Earth.]

Lord Fear: Shaddup your face.

Pink Big: Make me.

[Lord Fear begins to throw fire balls at Pink Big doing 100 damage.]

Pink Big: That does it!

[Pink Big strangles Lord Fear with his fishing line doing 130 damage.]

Lord Fear: You asked for it!

[Lord Fear snaps his fingers; Megatron and Galvatron appear and kill Pink Big with...]

Megatron and Galvatron: Our bare hands!

Lord Fear: All Will Fear Lord Fear, Except Shadow The Hedgehog Whom Will Fear Me.

[Ed. Note: I realize the above sentence isn't edited…but I couldn't make heads or tails out of that statement…]

Megatron and Galavatron: All hail Lord Fear!

[Meanwhile, the clan of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy decide to separate from the others to find a way home.]

Knuckles: I hate this place! WHY ARE WE HERE!?

Sonic: It's better than guarding the Master Emerald though...

Knuckles: True! But since we're our own clan, who's the leader?

Amy: ME!

[The other three look at Amy, then laugh hysterically.]

Tails: Good one, Amy.

[They're surrounded by...let's see...what's a good boss...the FF4 Mist Dragon...and two Bombs.]

All four: Crap...

[Sonic is a Ninja. Tails is a Gadgeteer. Knuckles is a White Monk. Amy is a White Mage with a hammer.]

[Battle begins (Defeat the boss!); Mist Dragon turns into mist.]

Knuckles: COWARD!!!

Sonic: I'm surprised I didn't go first! I'm fast, dammit!!

[Knuckles' next…]

Knuckles: Wait...what are the laws for this fight?

Tails: Though it's stupid...let's see...No special techniques!

Sonic: Well, then Sonic Wind, Pretty Heart, Thunder Arrow, Time Stop, Charm Ray, Power Flash, and anything that Tails does outside the mech are things we can't use...

[Knuckles goes up to a Bomb, and punches it; 76 damage; it counters with Self-Destruct; Knuckles suffers 195 damage, and is covered in oil.]

Knuckles: OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Tails: That's gotta hurt...

[Tails's turn; he walks up to another Bomb, but keeps his distance by three spaces; attacks with a little Tails handgun; does 67 damage; it counters with self-destruct; no one gets hurt.]

Tails: HAHA!

Amy: Me next!

[Amy's turn; she goes up to Knuckles, and casts Curaga on him; he's healed 398 HP.]

Knuckles: Thanks Amy!

[The mist turns back into a Mist Dragon; Mist Dragon's turn; it eerily moves towards Sonic; Sonic evades the attack easily with Quick-dodge.]

Sonic: Suck it!

[Sonic's turn; he attacks it physically for 37 damage. Knuckles's turn; he attacks it physically for 84 damage. Tails's turn; he attacks it for a critical 75 damage. Amy's turn; she attacks physically for 45 damage.]

Tails: It has a lot of defense...

[Mist Dragon's turn; attacks all surrounding enemies with Mist Spin; deals 200 damage to all and moves away.]

All: OW!

Sonic: Let's try our plan!

[Sonic's turn; he chases after it; ends. Knuckles' turn; does same thing. Tails' turn; does same thing.]

Tails: AMY! Let's combo this bitch's ass!

[Amy's turn; the four of them activate their special combo: the Sonic Assault; get comfy...Amy swats it into the air; Tails flies Sonic into the air and tosses Sonic at the Dragon; Knuckles grabs Sonic and tosses him again; repeat this three times; Sonic Light-speed dashes into it; 999 damage; it dies. VICTOLY!! Obtained 4000 Gil! All characters gain a level up!]

Knuckles: Damned Engrish!

Sonic: God, that was boring!!!

[On the ARK. Big fires the Random Insanity Machine's laser through the ARK laser at random parts of the Earth. Meanwhile, on Earth.]

Farah: I will kill you Eggman!

Wario: No, you won't without your money!

Waluigi: We're going to have all the world's riches!

[Wario and Waluigi run off with Farah's money, weapons, and anything else of importance.]

Farah: Sons af a...

Shadow: (walks into where the fight just took place; completely oblivious) Hi guys. Waz-

Tails: (going insane) WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?! We must have tried calling your Crony-phone 80 times before we decided to kick that thing's ass!

Shadow: (blink)...-up?

Knuckles: You have lost your honor in this group!

Shadow: What honor? And how about I fight to take back my honor by taking YOUR honor?

Knuckles: (confused beyond measure) What?

Sonic: (whispers to Knuckles) Fighting...

Knuckles: (cocky pose) BRING IT, SHADOW! These fists will knock you cold! (poses more)

Shadow: (long stare) I was going to plain kill you. Now you suffer...

[Funky Final Fantasy battle transition ensues.]

Shadow: (looking badass; glowing; eyes closed) This will be humorous...

Knuckles: Shut up! I'll defeat you in one turn! GO EXODIA!!! (throws the five Exodia pieces at Shadow)

[Shadow gets hit by the five Exodia pieces. He receives 30 damage points because it was one NASTY paper cut.]

Shadow: OW! Damnit Knuckles! It's a friggen card!

Knuckles: (still yammering on like a moron) EXODIA!!! OBLITERATE!!!

Shadow: I'm going to place pain upon you now...

[Shadow does his victory dance from SA2 that he does after completing a level and vanishes. A second later...]

Shadow: (now on a distant mountain) CHAOS-

Knuckles: (blink) Shit...

Shadow: CONTROL!!! (echo; glows brightly, then zooms at indeterminable speed, being that he's going at the speed of sound, AND time is frozen)

[Knuckles begins getting slashed up violently at the rate that an electron would speed around an atom. Knuckles sustains 8000 damage! DAAAAAMN!!!{Ed. Note: As you may have guessed, the forum user Shadow was writing this part. We've all got our share of ego problems.}]

Knuckles: (weak) I don't know how I survived that...Hey! There can't be any special moves in this!

Shadow: Screw you! This is all out melee!

Knuckles: Well, if you put it that way...(punches towards Shadow) TAKE THIS!!! (casts Thunder Arrow)

[Shadow watches lightning fall towards him. What happens? Sorry, plot change…Meanwhile, Bridget and his friend, Dizzy, are in the middle of fighting of the FF8 summon, Diablos when Eggman walks by.]

Eggman: Hello! Need help?

Bridget: (he and Dizzy both have 1 HP left) Please do!

Dizzy: We beg of you...

Diablos: Stay out of this!! (Diablos fires a Graviga at Eggman; Eggman is down to 45 HP)

Eggman: DIABLOS, ARE YOU!? (Eggman uses his Soul Calibur Technique; Diablos is reduced to 1 HP)

Diablos: I'll be back! (vanishes)

Eggman: Plot battles...

[Plot change over! Let's move back to the Knuckles VS. Ultimate Lifeform, shall we?]

Shadow: (dodges Thunder Arrow) SLOOOOOOW!!!

Knuckles: Shut up, wimp! (punches Shadow)

[Shadow sustains 500 damage.]

Shadow: (spits) Okay, ass, you're asking for painful raining spears! CHAOS SPEAR!!! (fires off millions of energy spears)

Knuckles: (blink) Meep...

[WHAT HAPPENS?! Damn, another plot change...]

Sonic: KNUCKLES!! Why are you engaging in a single battle by yourself!?

Tails: We were a clan, man!!

Amy: Stop fighting! (she uses Curaga on both of them)

Knuckles: Fine! Wanna join, Shadow?

Shadow: Sure, why not.

[Gained a new clan member, Shadow; Meanwhile...]

Eggman: Hey clan members! We got ourselves two more!

Bowser: Goody.

Il Palazzo: Awesome!

Xianghua: The more the merrier, right?

Siegfried: Indeed.

Sephiroth: Fine.

John: Ditto, KUPO!

[Gained a new clan member, Bridget! Gained a new clan member, Dizzy!]

Eggman: I'll be right back!

Bob: Ach! I thought we were filming a movie!!

Dizzy: Well, can't we take a break?

Sephiroth: Where's some action!?

Siegfried: Do we even want to leave?

[With Eggman...]

Eggman: Tra-la-la-la--

Farah: EGGMAN!!!

Eggman: Hi Farah!

[Farah's clan, which consists of Reid (Knight), Meredy (Black Mage), Keele (Black Mage), Max (Sniper), a Behemoth, and herself (Monk).]

Farah: It's time to die!

Eggman: Fine! Just let me get my group ready!

[Eggman decides to pick 5 others; Seeing that his new clan members are Bridget (Yo-yo user) and Dizzy (Half-Gear), he decides:]

Eggman: Let's see... Bowser! Illy! Dizzy! Xianghua! Sephiroth! Let's fight!

[Mission: Defeat the boss unit! (Farah or Eggman)]

[Law: no attacking with physical attacks!]

Eggman: CRAP! I have no magic! And I can't always use my skills!

Bowser: Leave it to me!

Il Palazzo: And me as well!

Dizzy: I'm skills personified!!

Sephiroth: And me as well!

Xianghua: Well, I'm out!

[Let's kick some ass!! Meanwhile...]

Shadow: Why do we have to get this cat out of a tree!?

Knuckles: Shut up! This mission is worth 30000 Gil!

Shadow: But that's no ordinary tree!!!

Knuckles: Not so "ultimate" now, huh?!

Shadow: You don't understand! That's (DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAH) THE STINKY TREE!!!

Knuckles: (shoves Shadow aside) Shut up! I'll do it! (latches onto the tree; starts climbing) Wuss!

Shadow: Fare-thee-well, brave nomad. Wait, since when was HE brave?

Knuckles: (falls flat on his face) HOLY SHIT!!! THAT THING SMELLS!!!

Sonic: Hence the name...

Amy: Say, where is that cat?

Tails: (oro) It's no ordinary cat...

[Everyone looks to see what the cat is, and it turns out to be none other than...]

Sonic Team: (gasp) BIG THE CAT?!

Shadow: Wait, how is he able to sit on a branch and somehow make it NOT break?!

Big: (oblivious to where he is) Froooooggy? Where aaaaaaaaare yoooooooou?

Knuckles: I don't remember whether they wanted it unharmed or not, though...

Amy: Please say either way...(hammer ready)

[Mission: Destroy the tree!]

Knuckles: Laws?

Tails: Cannot harm humanoids.

Shadow: Meaning?

Amy: Anything like us.

Sonic: Screw that! ANTI-LAW CARD!

Shadow: What does that do?

Sonic: For one mission, it snuffs out a law! Meaning we can harm him in order to destroy the tree!

Everyone of them: SWEET!!

[Battle begins; Amy uses combo Sonic Assault; tree is dead and Big is dead.]

Everyone: YAY!

END OF THE STINKY TREE SAGA!

{Ed. Note: I love a happy ending. It makes the whole thing seem worthwhile…come again next week for another FDA approved dose of insanity!}

Coming Soon: What do you think?