Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Epic ❯ The Theme Song Saga ( Chapter 9 )

THE EPIC

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS AN EPIC EDITED BY VOLKOV "INTERACTIVE STORY!!!" STARRING A TON OF RANDOM PEOPLE WRITTEN BY LORD FEAR HAKU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG GRAND MASTER SHOMA SONICMON THE VIEW2FUL AND VOLKOV WRITTEN ON THE TRIPLE PEEPS FORUM IMAGINED BY LORD FEAR AND EDITED BY GREG "VOLKOV" PARAUBEK

Well…here we are again…but this time I have serious stuff to talk about in this little blurb. Come to think of it…I don't. There used to be a message of some importance here, but since this Saga first went up, I've fixed the problem…so…yeah…read…

Disclaimer: Any characters not owned by, but not limited to, Sega, Square Enix, Nintendo, Namco, Capcom, Westwood, or any other company were created by us (the forum users) and cannot be used without our express permission. This story is joint property of all the people who wrote anything in it, and the Triple Peeps, who own the forum where this was placed. You steal, you suffer the consequences. You've been warned. Now read and enjoy!

INTERACTIVE STORY!!!

The Theme Song Saga

[At the Eggman Café…]

Eggman: Things seem to be back to normal.

Kirby: How come I didn't make an appearance?

Meta Knight: You just did.

[THE END…OR IS IT?!]

Lord Fear: Not really!

[At…some random place!]

Big: Froggy.

Froggy: SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP FAT ARSE!

Shadow: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH LORD FEAR?!

Knuckles: (abruptly) YEAH!!! (blink) Uh...(long pause) What are we talking about again?

Shadow: Not ALL the Chaos Emeralds blew up! You see? (pulls out green emerald from secret place) YOUR PLOTS SUCK!

Dizzy: (going critical again) STOP!!! YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!!

Shadow: AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU PICK UP ON MY COOLNESS?!

Dizzy: (going electric) DAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Shadow: AND...uh...POOFY!!!

[Meanwhile, outside the Earth...]

ARK: HA! They actually fell for the fake self destruct sequence! Wait...

[And...let's see...the Earth turns into a Trigun-like setting.]

Haley's Comet: (still the Pringles container) BAAAAAAAH!!!

Eggman: It's a good thing I have good tie-ins with the Great Will of the Macrocosm! RESET!

Great Will of the Macrocosm: You got it!

[Everything resets; Mystic Ruins.]

Rouge: Ah! It's a beautiful day! A beautiful day where nothing can go wrong! (walks outside)

Shadow: Rouge? ROUGE! You forgot your pants!! (holds Rouge's tight pants)

Rouge: AAAGGHH!!

Knuckles: Looking good, Rouge! (Knuckles walks off laughing, not knowing that Rouge is going to kick him upside the head)

[Meanwhile…]

Sol: God damn, I'm bored...Axl's on vacation, and Ky's in the hospital, for unknown reasons. I need to burn something...

[Bridget walks by.]

Sol: Good enough.

[And...]

Sonic: It's nice bumming at Tails' house! (stretches) Well, time to go on an adventure! (goes to his Tornado) Time to rev up the ol' girl! TAILS, IF I DON'T COME BACK, AVENGE MY DEATH!

Tails: Okay!

[He revs the plane; he looks towards his left to see our ever-becoming popular half-Gear in the story, Dizzy.]

Dizzy: Mind if I come along?

Sonic: Well, my Tornado is really a one-seater; unless you know how to fly a plane!

Necro: Let me make some room! (carves a hole on the body of the Tornado big enough to fit Dizzy) There! Now we can be accommodated!

Dizzy: That wasn't nice!

Sonic: Whatever. Come on!

[She hops on, and the plane lifts off nicely; suddenly…]

Bridget: STOP CHASING ME!!

Sol: Go to hell!

[He remarkably latches a Yo-yo around the tail of the Tornado before it lifted off; he gets taken along for the ride.]

Bridget: Now you can't catch meeeeeee...(plane flies off)

Sol: Whatever. I'll get (looks to see Knuckles with a head bandage) Knuckles...

Knuckles: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Shadow: (watches them fly off) Now THAT was odd!

Sephiroth: NO! THIS IS!!! (tries to impale Shadow)

Shadow: (long pause) RUN AWAAAAAAAY!!! (runs off speeding to Big's house)

Sephiroth: (makes chase) THE PITIFUL MUST DIIIIiiiiiiiie!

Tails: Well, since Sonic's gone, I have no choice but to worship and follow his double!

Shadow: (zooms up to Tails) I'm NOT his double! I'm over 50 years older than him! (notices Sephiroth's catching up) EEP!!! (zooms off)

Tails: WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEeeee- (follows Shadow)

Sephiroth: (continues chasing) DAMN YOU SPEEDY HEDGEHOG BEING!!!

Big: Wow. It's a great day for fishing, huh Froggy?

[Froggy looks at Big.]

Big: let's catch some big ones!

[Shadow and Tails run past Big; Sephiroth, skids to a halt in front of Big, beheads Big, and continues running after them.]

Eggman: Walking in the Mystic Ruins, having nothing to do, this is the way that all my plans rule! I am the Eggman! That's what I am! (to himself) God, I'm so bored...

[Knuckles runs past him; Sol makes heavy chase.]

Eggman: Seems like everyone has something to do but me...

[Sees Sonic's Tornado in the distance.]

Eggman: Oh what the hell! (he launches a homing missile towards the Tornado)

[With Sonic…]

Sonic: So, I just wanted to know: what's the initial difference between humans and Gears? I could never understand that!

Dizzy: Well, you see...

Bridget: (still hanging on with his Yo-yo; no longer hiding; sees homing missile) We got ourselves a bogey!

Sonic: WHAT THE!? (turns around) How'd you get on the--HOLY SHIT!!

[Back to Eggman's view; the missile connects; boom.]

Eggman: BULLSEYE!! (groans)I just killed a couple of minutes...

Shadow: (running top speed at Eggman) GaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSH!!!

Tails: (tailing Shadow) NoooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Eggman: (looks in that general direction) Huh?

[Shadow crashes into Eggman, but since he's so...eh...BIG BONED, Shadow gets sucked up into Eggman's fat. Tails does the same being that he's a hopeless follower of hedgehogs with awesome spiky hair]

Eggman: (unfazed by impact) Whoa! Where'd they go?

Sephiroth: (running at Eggman) You're shielding two humanoid like creatures! DIIIIIE!!!

Eggman: (long pause)

Shadow: (somewhere in Eggman's fat) RUN, DAMN YOU!!!

Eggman: HOLD EVERYTHING!!

[Sephiroth stops; Eggman 'gets' Tails and Shadow out of his fat.]

Eggman: How did you do that!?

Shadow: (shrugs)

Eggman: You ruined my day!

Sonic and the others: (spiraling towards oblivion) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! (crash)

[Back with Eggman…]

Farah: I'm going to kill you Eggman, right here, right now!

Eggman: Your ass is mine, bitch!

Lord Fear: MedaFighters get ready for the ultimate RoBattle!

[Medabots music starts to blam all over the Mystic Ruins.]

Knuckles: Turn it off!

Sol: GAH! My Gear-heightened ears!

Sonic: (in the crash site very far away) How loud is this!?

[Back to the fight…]

Farah: MAXIMUM FORCE! (blast Eggman three times, sending him into a wall)

Eggman: That's it! (fires a paralyzing ray at Farah)

Farah: (struggling) I...I can't move!

Eggman: EGG CARRIER RAM!

[The Egg Carrier rams into the Mystic Ruins, making a large explosion.]

Sonic: (seeing the explosion) Damned fool!

[Back to the scene]

Eggman: (dying) I win.

Great Will of the Macrocosm: Time to bring this place back to normal!

Eggman: But don't bring Sonic back!

Great Will: OKAY!

[Everything is set back to normal...except Sonic and company are still crashed.]

Sonic: Son of a-

Lord Fear: Function ceased! The winner is the one and only Eggman!

Eggman: And that's what I am!

Lord Fear: Your prize is Farah as your new slave!

Farah:Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (10 hours later) ooooooooo!!!!

Eggman: Get me a beer!

Farah: SCREW YOU EGGMAN! I'M NO ONE'S SLAVE!!! (runs off, leaving behind a bomb) I'll be back!

Shadow: (runs off) I'M OUTTA HERE!

Sephiroth: (awake; runs after him) DIIIIIIIIE!!!

Eggman: Farah, you dropped something of yours!

[Eggman throws the bomb at Farah.]

Farah: Crappie

[Methinks we all forgot about Sonic; shall we investigate?]

Sonic: Okay...are we alive?

Dizzy: Yep.

Bridget: Sure am.

Sonic: Okay...now, where did we crash?

[They look around to see they crashed on top of a building overlooking a city that is NOT Station Square; it's a windy day.]

Dizzy: It's windy out! It might just blow us off!

Sonic: Nons-(gets picked up by the wind) AAAH!!

[Falls onto the ground below him, losing rings and consciousness.]

Bridget: Sonic!

Sonic: (gets back up) Ow...Fuck man, that's strong enough to lift houses!

[He looks to see Megatron trying to walk against the wind; plan fails.]

Megatron: I MIGHT DIE, BUT MORE MEGATRONS WILL TAKE MY PLACE! (boom)

Sonic: Wow, that's something you don't see everyday...

Shadow: Wow! What's next in the world of ominous-ness?

Lord Fear: (appears abruptly) BAM!

Shadow: Theeeeeere we go...

[Knuckles is walking along, singing his own theme song.]

Knuckles: (in the middle of it) ...Just believe in myself, don't rely on others; have to power to wipe out, the havoc and anarchy; this is my planet, gonna fight for my destiny!

Sol: So Keep Yourself Alive II! (starts chasing Knuckles)

Knuckles: AAAHHH!!!

[Meanwhile…]

Sonic: (with others, entering a hotel) Man, it's windy as hell outside!

Megatron: (his head) You're telling me.

Sonic: Could there be a reason why all this wind is so powerful?

Dizzy: Maybe...

Megatron: Wanna help me get my body parts back?

Bridget: Yeah right!

Megatron: Gay-ass.

Bridget: (vein) WHAT!?

Sonic: C'mon! Stop fighting!!

[They see Big the Cat walking around (stitches on his neck) and he gets blown to the ocean, where he is devoured by a sperm whale.]

Megatron: Comedy relief.

Shadow: (walking through the hotel, singing own theme music) Oh dark, the darkness that doses in the dusk. Throw it all away. No one can break you, nobody can tear you. You live an end-less li-ife forever. Oh dark, the darkness that doses in the dusk. Throw it all away. You see a light wherever you go-o, you'll have to face it again and again... (pauses for a moment) MAN, I kick ass!

Big: (starts singing own theme music) Well-

Sephiroth: (hacks off Big's head) No...

Eerie Chants: (start singing) Veni veni venimous-

Sephiroth: (sword directed to Eerie Chants) Don't start.

Shadow: HA! I'm not afraid to play theme music! (break dances to own theme)

Eggman: (singing) I am the Eggman, that's what I am…

Lord Fear: You ARE the Eggman, and no one can take that away!

Pink Big: (singing) I am the Eggman!

Eggman: No! You are bloody well not!

Tails: I wanna fly high! I wanna reach the highest, of all the heavens! Somebody will be waiting for me so I, I gotta fly higher! (gets smacked by Wily)

[Meanwhile…]

Sonic: Man, I'm tired. I wanna sleep...

END OF THE THEME SONG SAGA!

{Ed. Note: Yeah. That was unusual. Sorry about the abrupt ending but when the next saga goes up you'll see tat even a word further in would lead to some extra pages. So, come back next week for another action packed episode of…THE EPIC!}

Coming Soon: Another action packed episode!