Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Epic ❯ The Unicron Saga ( Chapter 11 )

THE EPIC

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS AN EPIC EDITED BY VOLKOV "INTERACTIVE STORY!!!" STARRING A TON OF RANDOM PEOPLE WRITTEN BY LORD FEAR HAKU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG GRAND MASTER SHOMA SONICMON THE VIEW2FUL AND VOLKOV WRITTEN ON THE TRIPLE PEEPS FORUM IMAGINED BY LORD FEAR AND EDITED BY GREG "VOLKOV" PARAUBEK

Welcome to the eleventh saga. We're about one quarter of the way through the whole Epic (I think). In any case, read and review…and enjoy.

Disclaimer: Any characters not owned by, but not limited to, Sega, Square Enix, Nintendo, Namco, Capcom, Westwood, or any other company were created by us (the forum users) and cannot be used without our express permission. This story is joint property of all the people who wrote anything in it, and the Triple Peeps, who own the forum where this was placed. You steal, you suffer the consequences. You've been warned. Now read and enjoy!

INTERACTIVE STORY!!!

The Unicron Saga

[Wait... what happened to the four who got deleted by Eggman's Triple Peeps Program Advance? A portal opens in the sky in the Station Square hotel…]

Bridget: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-(hits ground) OW!

Dizzy: WAAAA-(falls on Bridget)

Samus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--(falls into the shallow end of the pool) OW!! Damn, that hurt!

Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-(ocean) HELP ME! (sinks)

[Two hours later, he manages to walk out of the ocean.]

Sonic: (sarcastic) Thanks for saving me!

Samus: Meh.

[Another phase occurs; Quickman lands on Sonic.]

Sonic: OW! My back!

Quickman: Sorry.

[The Sailor Scouts come out of nowhere and lift Sonic away.]

Bridget: Why did they take him away?

Eggman: Who knows... they're horny girls, and I bet he's more than a hedgehog below!

[Everyone laughs.]

Quickman: I don't get it.

Lord Fear: First they were chasing me, now Sonic. Who's next…Eggman?

Eggman: Hopefully.

[Somewhere in the universe…(Ed. Note: That is so VAGUE)]

Unicron: Do you understand what you must do?

Unknown: Yes, Master Unicron.

Unicron: Don't fail me!

[The Unknown person leaves.]

Unicron: No one can escape their destiny!

[Back on Earth…]

Il Palazzo: Let's go to Bowser's Café.

Eggman: Might as well.

Lord Fear: The coffee must taste like Bowser.

Bowser: It definitely does.

[Il Palazzo, Eggman, Bowser and Lord Fear go to the Bowser Cafe.]

Unknown: NOT SO FAST!

Bowser: Heh...fell for the "Let's go to my cafe" bit... Eh?!

Jigglypuff: I have been sent to place pain upon you all! (does faggy punch thingy)

Bowser: (picks up a single claw and touches Jigglypuff)

Jigglypuff: (realizing mistake) Fuck... (flies away like a popped balloon!)

Unicron: DAMNIT! That's the third time this month!

Eggman: UNICRON, ARE YOU!?

Unicron: What?

Eggman: You know what I said!

Il Palazzo: You will not destroy this world!

Bowser: Yeah!

Unicron: I WILL ASS YOUR OWNS!!

[Back to Quickman…]

Quickman: I don't think that was even supposed to be funny!

[Back to Eggman.]

Megatron: Enough of this talk. It's ass-kicking time!!

Eggman: I couldn't agree more!

[Unicron fires a beam that splits the world in two.]

Bowser: Holy crap! That almost hit me!!

Il Palazzo: Indeed it almost did.

[Let's see what happened around the world.]

Farah: (shocked) That almost... killed me!

Reid: What? The giant beam?

Zero: Methinks that's a big giveaway.

Lord Fear: I declare this half of the planet to be called Fearzville.

Skeletor: You're mad.

Sturm: Don't get him amd.

Galvatron: Let's kick some ass!

[Somewhere else in the universe…]

Unicron: (Who just ate a planet) That was good.

Unknown2: Now that the Earth has been cut in half, I shall conquer it for you, Master Unicron.

Unicron: Don't fail me.

[Back on Earth…what's left of it. Each half spawns another half, creating two Earths.]

Unknown2: NOT SO FAST AGAIN!!!

Mewtwo: (turning slowly to next competitor)

Pichu: My master Unicron will now devour your world! Surrender or I'll shock myself!

Mewtwo: (talking through powers (as always))Â How about I- (blasts giant purple and black beam at Pichu) HELLFIRE CRASHâ"¢!!!

Pichu: (wiped out) SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!! (incinerated by beam of pain)

Ash: [from the Pokemon anime; we have personally dubbed him, 'The Pokemon God' as he is capable of understanding all these Pokemon) What have you done to this Pichu?

Mewtwo: You're next!

Shadow: Kick some ass!

Galvatron: Squish some!

[Back to Quickman; Quickman is scared.]

Quickman: What?

Pichu: My god! I'm alive!

Shadow: SHADOW BALL GO!!! (throws Poke Ball with grayscale colors)

SHADOW HAS CAUGHT A PICHU!!!

Shadow: Now he has NO CHOICE BUT TO DO MY BIDDING!!! (gets shocked) OW!!! DAMMIT!!!

Pichu: (in ball) AGH! I'm claustrophobic!

[Somewhere in the universe.]

Unicron: You lot had better not fail me.

Unknown3, Unknown4, Unknown5, Unknown6: We will not, Master Unicron.

[Unknown3, Unknown4, Unknown5, and Unknown6 leave.]

[Again, on Earth.]

Eggman: This coffee tastes like Bowser.

Bowser: This coffee tastes like Illy.

Il Palazzo: This coffee tastes like Lord Fear.

Lord Fear: This coffee tastes like beer.

Bob: (Bad Scottish accent) Ach, that's because it is beer.

Rob: (Bob's Russian stepbrother, bad Russian accent) I am Russianski!

[On the other half of the planet.]

Samus: How long have we been wandering?

Sonic: A good few hours or so.

Bridget: This is getting depressing...

Quickman: Tell me about it.

[They see into the distance Unicron (well, he has to be big, doesn't he?).]

Samus: That's it! I'm kicking his ass! (runs off to her ship; ship flies off towards Unicron)

Sonic: God speed!!

Dizzy: Will she be okay?

Sonic: Dizzy, she's handled bigger things than this. Like a parasitic lifeform that kills the host and takes over its body.

Dizzy: Oh my god!

Sonic: I know. That's sick. (looks to the left; sees her ship get swatted by Unicron) Son of a--

Knuckles: That bitch is down!

Quickman: That wasn't even called for!

Unicron: I'm not really here. I'm actually hiding in a different part of the universe.

Shadow: You're pathetic.

Unicron: Am not!

Sturm: You really are an asshole.

Unicron: And proud of it!

[Eggman commercial.]

Bob: Ach, we're on boss.

Eggman: Hello good people, join the…

Eggman, Il Palazzo, Bowser and Lord Fear: EGGMAN EMPIRE!

Unknowns 3-6: NOT SO-

[Mewtwo doesn't even let them finish that thought, being that he telekinetically threw a rock on them.]

E-101, E-103, E-104, & E-105: DAMNIT! LET US LIVE FOR ONCE!!!

Mewtwo: How about...no. (throws explosive Shadow Ball at E series)

[4 quick non-Unicron-killing epilogues.]

-Bridget finally got some with Dizzy!

Bridget: Sweet!

-Eggman and the others are still finding Unicron.

Eggman: Yep!

-Sonic and Samus are plotting to kill Mario due to the fact that in an EGM poll, Mario is the popular, followed by "Other" mascots, and then Sonic and Samus respectfully
Sonic: Kill him in his sleep?

Samus: Oh yes.

-And Quickman finally got the joke.

Quickman: Hmm...

Quote:

"Who knows... they're horny girls, and I bet he's more than a hedgehog below!"

Quickman: OH! I get it! They took him away because they thought that his was bigger than a normal hedgehog! HAHAHA!! It makes so much sense if you can understand it!

Knuckles: You're an idiot!

[Somehow, Shadow is now alone.]

Shadow: (echo-y voice) Hello? Anyone? No-one? ... (looks around) Ugh...I'm so alone... Wait, Bridget got some?!

Bridget: How'd you know?!

Shadow: What are you-AGH!!! Where'd you come from?!

Bridget: I'll show you...one day...

[The horror…]

[Somewhere in the universe (Ed. Note: getting a little overused…)]

Unicron: You all had better not fail me…

Unknowns 1-99: We will not, Master Unicron. We'll use tactics this time!

Unknown100: I won't. I'm going to kill Eggman.

[The Unknowns leave.]

Sonic: (holding an axe) Let's kill Mario!

Samus: (arming her cannon) Way ahead of you!

Mario: Hi-a fellows! What's happening?

[Samus glares angrily at him.]

Sonic: You called Samus a 'fellow'.

Samus: NOW YOU DIE!

Mario: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[Meanwhile…]

Eggman: (in the ARK) Can you see Unicron from here?

Bowser: Nope.

Il Palazzo: Not really.

Kaiba: I'm planning on making "Yu-Gi-Oh! The Fighting Game!"

[They fire Kaiba out of the Eclipse Cannon.]

Kaiba: AUGH!!

[Meanwhile.]

Chris: (from Sonic X) I'm bored...

Tails: Join the club...

Knuckles: Yeah.

Quickman: Tell me about it.

Bass: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

[On the ARK.]

Eggman: So…what else do we have to throw off the ARK?

Lord Fear: We have Big, Big, Big, Farah, Big, Big, Big, the Ishtars, Big, Big and lots of Bigs.

Il Palazzo: Let's chuck them out!

Bowser: I'm not doing it.

Eggman: No need to! GAMMA! OMEGA!

E-102 (Gamma), E-102 Mk2 (Omega): Yes, Master Eggman?

Eggman: Chuck everyone on the ARK except me, Bowser, Illy, and Lord Fear into the Eclipse Cannon.

Bob: (Bad Scottish accent) Ach, what about us?

Rob: (Bad Russian accent) We don't want to go! We're tour camera men.

Eggman: Do everything as before, but don't throw me, Illy, Bowser, Lord Fear, Bob, and Rob.

Gamma & Omega: Yes, Master Eggman.

[Meanwhile, Sonic and Samus have just beaten the crap out of Mario.]

Mario: Ow...

[And they look to stop Unicron, since that lazy ass Eggman and his lazy ass friends are not doing it themselves.]

Samus: Where would a giant robot the size of a planet roam?

Sonic: Up there.

[Both look up to see Unicron messing with the ARK.]

Unicron: Give up Earth or all will perish.

Chris: It's the end of the world!

Quickman: We all gonna die!

Tails and Knuckles: AND SO FORTH!!

Sonic: Wasn't Bass with you?

[Two seconds later, we see Bass plummet to Earth like a meteor.]

Bass: (whiny-ass bitch) I can never win!

Eggman: Fire the Eclipse Cannon!

[The Eclipse Cannon is fired and shoots out Farah, 97 Bigs, and the Ishtars. They go flying towards Unicron, who eats them.]

Unicron: Ooh…I got a stomach ache. I'm leaving but I'll be back!

[Unicron leaves.]

Bowser: That solves that problem!

Il Palazzo: It sure did…

Lord Fear: Let's play poker!

[They sit down to play Poker. Next, we see Eggman, Bowser and Il Palazzo floating through space]

Eggman: HA! They fell for the old "Let's play Poker" charade! HAHAHA!!!

Il Palazzo: Yeah, too bad we got thrown out because of it.

Bowser: Guys...Uni-

Eggman: Not now! We're gloating in victory!

END OF THE UNICRON SAGA!

{Ed. Note: I just love an ending with suspense and the occasional gloat of victory. Stay tuned for another Saga. And much more craziness.}

Coming Soon: Really, why do I write stuff here?