Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Epic ❯ The eBay Saga ( Chapter 16 )

THE EPIC

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS AN EPIC EDITED BY VOLKOV "INTERACTIVE STORY!!!" STARRING A TON OF RANDOM PEOPLE WRITTEN BY LORD FEAR HAKU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG GRAND MASTER SHOMA SONICMON THE VIEW2FUL AND VOLKOV WRITTEN ON THE TRIPLE PEEPS FORUM IMAGINED BY LORD FEAR AND EDITED BY GREG "VOLKOV" PARAUBEK

Hello all! Sorry for the great delay since the last Saga, but I was very busy with a whole bunch of stuff…hopefully updates will be more on time from now on. Anyways, read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Any characters not owned by, but not limited to, Sega, Square Enix, Nintendo, Namco, Capcom, Westwood, or any other company were created by us (the forum users) and cannot be used without our express permission. This story is joint property of all the people who wrote anything in it, and the Triple Peeps, who own the forum where this was placed. You steal, you suffer the consequences. You've been warned. Now read and enjoy!

INTERACTIVE STORY!!!

The eBay Saga

[At the Eggman Café…]

Eggman: I can't get this door open!

Il Palazzo: I can help you with that.

[Il Palazzo puts a bomb on the door.]

Eggman: 5...4...3...2...1...now!

[Il Palazzo detonates the bomb, destroying the Café, and pissing Eggman off.]

Eggman: You were only to supposed to blow the BLOODY DOORS OFF! NOW I HAVE TO REBUILD IT! AGAIN!!!

Bowser: No worries! You can use my cafe for a while! I'll have your coffee as the special of the day! I'LL MAKE FREAKING MILLIONS!!!

Shadow: Economy-yyyy...

[Somewhere out there...]

Knuckles: (on a computer) C'mon...BID FOR IT ALREADY!!

Sonic: What are you doing?

Knuckles: Auctioning off Angel Island.

May: Yeah. Right!

Knuckles: You want a slapping, May? Besides, I don't use that Island anymore.

Sonic: What about the emerald?

Knuckles: Oh right!! (does some more computer-type things) I'll sell that off as a separate item!

May: You're a fool!

Knuckles: That's it! (grabs May and starts spanking her like a parent to a child) That's for insulting me!

May: OWW! HIS HANDS HURT!! WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Sonic: You had it coming!

Knuckles: (stops) Now you go home, and think about what you did!

[May runs off crying like a school girl. Meanwhile, at Rouge's house. Rouge looks on ebay and spots the Master Emerald up for sale.]

Rouge: I'm adding 10 million dollars onto the original bid.

[At the Bowser Café…]

Eggman: What? Someone replaced my bid! Now I'm angry…I'm adding 20 million dollars!

[At Wario's castle…]

Wario: I want that jewel, I'm adding 900 million dollars!

[At Mount Fear…]

Lord Fear: I'm placing 20 million dollars on the Floating Island, then I can have my own private island.

Knuckles: Holy shit!! My emerald really is selling high!! And with 900 million, I'm gonna be making one hell of a savings account!

Sonic: But wait a minute...aren't the spirits of Tikal and Chaos still inside the Emerald?

Knuckles: .....Oh well!

[Johnny is mad…]

Johnny: YOU SPANKED HER!? (points) YOU, KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA, SPANKED MY LITTLE MAY!?

Sonic: (sees Knuckles running away) RUN KNUCKLES! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!

[Later, at Wario's Castle…]

Jimmy T.: Hey Wario! Heard you got a new jewel!

Wario: Ah, Jimmy! Yes, I do have a new one! And I'm almost certain that this one won't take over my castle and turn my treasure into demons! Sadly, to pay for it, I had to get rid of my golden bathtub!

Jimmy T.: THAT was worth 900 million?

Wario: Yep!

Mona: Right, Wario...

[Tikal and Chaos form outside the jewel.]

Tikal: Hello, friends.

Wario: That's it! I'm not falling for this again!!

[Wario grabs Chaos, spins him really fast, and throws him into Tikal, making both disappear.]

Jimmy T.: Way to go, W-man! You handled that with style!

Mona: (looks at watch) Oh no! I HAVE TO GET TO WORK!

Wario: (wearing Wario Ware clothing) Let's ride!!!

Knuckles: Holy shit, my island just sold for 900 Million!

[At Mount Fear, which is now on Angel Island.]

Lord Fear: At last! A new home!

[At Rouge's house…]

Rouge: Damn, looks like I'm going to have to steal the Master Emerald from the highest bidder.

Shadow: (looking on eBay) What's this?! Legal rights of ownership to the Master Emerald shrine?! SWEET! I can finally build that condo I wanted! I shall bid- (Dr. Evil voice; zoom in) ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS!!!

Eggman: (popping in abruptly) But you don't have that kind of money, G!

Shadow: (staring long and confused at Eggman) You have a cloning machine, right?

Eggman: Why yes! I do enjoy sex on the beach!

Shadow: (another long perplexed look; shoves Eggman aside) Never mind...

Eggman: (shoved off of a conveniently located cliff) DAAAAAAAMMIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! (long pause) SPLAT!!!

[Meanwhile, within the tarnished ruins of Eggman's laboratory...]

Dr. Weird: (from Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Gentlemen...BEHOLD!!! I HAVE TAKEN OVER A CLONING LABORATORY!!!

Assistant: (also from ATHF) So what are you going to do?

Dr. Weird: (talking before he finishes) I AM GOING TO CLONE YOUR LIVER!!! Now TIE YOURSELF TO THE OPERATING TABLE!!!

Shadow: (walking past) Riiiiiight... now to get to work! (takes out a dollar bill)

[Shadow places the dollar bill in a cloning machine. After pressing a few buttons, all the machinery starts working.]

Shadow: (maniacal) And soon, I will be able to BUY OUT THE WORLD!!! MUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA- (cough) HAHA- (COUGH!!!; faint)

Assistant: (heard, but not seen) DEAR GOD, THE PAIN!!!

[On a road; Wario and friends are scooting down with his Motorcycle.]

Wario: Don't worry! We'll get you to work in no time!!

Mona: You better!

Jimmy T.: Whuh-oh.

Wario: What?

Jimmy T.: The fuzz is pursuing us.

Mona: Oh fuck, not again!

[They notice Waluigi on the road.]

Waluigi: LET ME ON!!

[Gets mowed down by motorcycle.]

Waluigi: OH GOD!! (explodes)

Jimmy T.: Does he do that often?

Mona: And now a bat's after us!!

Wario: Bat!?

[Rouge goes into pursuit.]

Rouge: Gimme that emerald!!

[Meanwhile…]

Eggman: ...Cheese?

Cream: (playing with Cheese; points finger defiantly at Eggman) GO GET 'EM!!!

Cheese: (floating towards Eggman; cutelike) CHAO!!!

Eggman: Aww...Look at the little- OH! OH GOD, HOLY SHIT!!! THE PAIN!!! WHAT DO YOU FEED THIS THING?! CRACK?! (gets flung to the horizon)

Cream: (posing) BEHOLD! THE POWER OF CHEESE!!!

Bowser: (standing with Il Palazzo) More like BEWARE the power of Cheese...

Il Palazzo: (eating a mango) Indeed.

Knuckles: (walking by; stops) What are you doing?

Bridget: (on a laptop) Auctioning off my Yo-yos.

Knuckles: ...Why?

Bridget: Because I figured that if fighting Yo-yos can sell well in Earthbound, then maybe I can make a little profit from mass selling.

Knuckles: Well, I hope you do well. (walks off)

Bridget: (Eggman, Bowser, and Il Palazzo are fighting off a deranged Cheese) Hmm... I'm surprised Knuckles didn't try to kill me. Maybe he actually smartened up.

Eggman: HELP US PLEASE!!

Il Palazzo: IT BITES!!!

Bridget: Too distracting in here...

Knuckles: Wait a minute...THAT GUY HAS A GIRLFRIEND!? (runs over) I'LL KILL YOU!!!

[Knuckles tackles Bridget, and beating the shit out of him.]

Axl: Hey! That crazy echidna is beating up that British boy!

Venom: I don't tolerate the beating of British!

[Venom and Axl charge at Knuckles, getting him off said British boy.]

Sol: (picks up laptop) Ooh, eBay. I'll sell Ky's Teacup Collection, starting at 1 cent. (two seconds pass by) Hey Ky!! I sold your prissy teacups for 5 cents!

Ky: Well, that's nice--WHAT!? YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Eggman: HELP! This Chao is killing us!!

Bowser: He already kicked my ass!!

Shade: I'll save you Mr Eggman!

Eggman: Save me, AND IT'S DR EGGMAN! DOCTOR!!

Juki: Whatever, Mr. Eggy.

Cheese: Just bring it!

[At Mount Fear, on what used to be Knuckles' island.]

Lord Fear: This is great.

Wario: There's a bat chasing after me!

Lord Fear: That's nice.

Shadow: (standing atop altar of Master Emerald) First the Emerald Shrine, then the world! MUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Someone: NOT S- (BOOM!!!)

Shadow: (saluting to someone) Thanks, Spiderman!

Spiderman: (the someone) Everyone gets one! (web swings off)

Ness: (from Earthbound) Let's see what's up for sale. "Guilty Yo-yo"; used by a bounty hunter specializing in yo-yos; $459. Well, it's cheaper than the other Yo-yos I find in the stores. (clicks on buy)

[Meanwhile…]

Knuckles: Um, kid, someone bought a yo-yo.

Bridget: (with a broken arm) Sweet!

Eggman: Wow! I didn't know it could be so simple!! I gots an idea!

Knuckles: Hide me! This plan of his might involve me!

Bridget: Go to the Mayship. But disguise yourself because, with a few exceptions, he only lets women aboard.

Knuckles: Right. That sick perv...So long! (runs off)

Eggman: Hey! Where did Knuckles go!? I was going to tell him about my plan! Did he run off because he thought I was going to use him?

Bowser: Yep.

Il Palazzo: Ever so true.

Cheese: Chao!!

Juki: Got him!

Shade: That bitch is down!

Juki: Yes he is!

Eggman: Cute.

[On the ARK…]

New Threat: Ha-Ha-Ha! Everything is coming together, with the Random Insanity Machine, I will turn the World into...puuuuuuurrrrrrreeeee GOLD.

[On Mount Fear…]

Mario: It's-a me-a, Mario.

Lord Fear: Bugga off.

[At Eggman's newly rebuilt café…]

Eggman: Juki, Shade, kill Cheese.

Juki, Shade: Yes, Mr. Egg.

Eggman: GO! (long pause) AND IT'S DOCTOR!!!

Shadow: Comical...

Luigi: (on a computer) Now, is there-a anything on this site that-a I can use to kill-a Mario?

Testament: No, not really.

Chris: May I go on next?

Luigi: Go to Hell, kid. [to Testament] You look-a ridiculous.

Testament: NIGHTMARE CIRCULAR!!

Luigi: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

Eggman: (pushes Chris aside) My turn!

Chris: But I called it!

Eggman: Screw you!

Sonic: Indeed.

[And now...]

Shadow: (rocking out with newly found band) SHE'S ALWAYS! SHE'S ALWAYS! SHE'S ALWAYS THEEEEEEEEEERE!!!

Amy: (knocks Shadow down) I LOVE YOU, SONIKKU!!!

Eggman: So true, my friend...

Sonic: HUH!? AAAUUUGGGHHH! What is going on!?

[Now, we shift into ROCK STARS!!!]

Everyone: AWESOME!

[Sephiroth flies down.]

Sephiroth: (sword ready for stabbing) I WILL HAVE REVEEEEEEENGE!!!

[His sword turns into a guitar, and at that second smashes it into Eggman, complete with Fooly Cooly sound effects.]

Eggman: DAMNIT!!!

Eggman: C'mon guys!

Bowser: This'll be fun!

Il Palazzo: Let us be...VISUALLY APPEALING!!

Eggman: (sweat drop) Uh, yeah. Let us.

[A stage sets itself up.]

Bowser: Sweet!

Eggman: But in the meanwhile, we'll make the rock and roll segment of the Triple Peeps Interactive Story also contain EXTREME SPORTS!

Il Palazzo: Who is Eggman talking to?

[Bowser shrugs. Shadow rocks out on a guitar in a black trench coat and kickass shades.]

Shade: (rocking out; cute) I'm a rock star! When can I shine really pretty?!

Shade 2: (also rocking out; cute) Yes I am!

Shade: (angry; cute) NO I'M NOT!!! (goes into chao battle)

Shadow: And that's my show! GOO'NIGHT!!! (smashes guitar on own head; out of it)

Eggman: And now, for our extreme sport segment!

[Here we see Megaman.exe in a digital skate park, holding a netboard, and dressed in Roll Soul outfit (something from the next MMBN; Megaman takes 'souls' of other Navis and customizes himself; in this case, he is in Roll.exe's exact outfit).]

Roll.exe: Go Megaman!

Gutsman.exe: (holding Megaman 3:16) GUTS GUTS! Go MEGAMAN! GUTS!

Megaman.exe: (Roll Soul mode) Thanks! Wow, this is kind of steep...

Eggman: How are things?

Megaman.exe: Well, I think I'm-(gets pushed by Bass.exe) AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

Bass.exe: I'm so bad.

[Attaining high speeds, Megaman.exe... almost deletes himself.]

Roll.exe and Gutsman.exe: MEGAMAN!

Eggman: Don't worry! He's a program! He'll be fine!

Il Palazzo: And that's enough of extreme digital sports. For now anyway…

Billy Hatcher: (stumbles into area) Uh, guys? I know you don't know me, but that Clippen I raced at Pirate Island, well, I accidentally killed his child, and- oh shit.

King Clippen: (A blue penguin with red scarf; extremely fast; shoots into the area; runs over Billy) Where's Billy?! (notices Rock n' roll crap; dons leather jacket) TO THE EXTREME!!!! (grabs a guitar; goes nuts with guitar solo)

Haku: (emo {kinda obvious}; strumming acoustic guitar) Oh, Zabuza'San's dead.....I feel like blowing off my head....

Eggman: We shall load up the chicken cannon!

Bowser: Yes! We shall use Billy Hatcher, Zabuza, Shadow, a giant chicken, and Astaroth!

Il Palazzo: An we will fire it at…a GUNDAM!

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Billy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Zabuza: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Astaroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A giant chicken: BAWK!!!

Eggman: Fire!!

[The cannon fires!! The Gundam swats it away.]

All of them: AUGH! (ding)

Eggman: (sweat drop) Um, I'm hoping Shadow isn't going to kill me...

Il Palazzo: But that is visually appealing.

END OF THE EBAY SAGA!

{Ed. Note: Well…I really have nothing to say in this blurb. Have a good day!}

Coming Soon: Saga 17