Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Fellowship of the Ring (Almost) ❯ NNAAZZGGÛÛLL AASSEEMMBBLLEE!!! ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two: NNAAZZGGUULL AASSEEMBBLLEE!!!

[In the tower of Minas-Morgul, six cloaked Nazgul are waiting by their horses, ready to depart. The Witch King Big arrives.]

Big: My minions! The One Ring has been found! It belongs to a lowly hedgehog named Sonic. We must bring the One Ring to Lord Sauron! Also, He would like some Visine. His eye irritates him immensely!

Kerrigan: Time to unleash my Zerg swarms on the hapless Terrans!

Big: You aren't in StarCraft anymore. Anyways, 47, I'm leaving you in charge: follow Sonic and intercept him at the best possible time. Boris, you have been tasked to get…VISINE!

Boris: Da, comrade! I will do this for Mother Russia!

T-800: I am a MACHINE!!!!

Big: Where the hell does Sauron find these weirdoes? Anyways, Boris after the Visine; the rest of you will kill Sonic and take the Ring. Also, the Blue Wizard has allied himself with Sauron. Be wary! He may be hiding his real motives.

Arthas: Yes! Time to plunge the world into an icy abyss!

47: Fool! We're plunging the world into a flaming abyss!

Big: Ride out for Sauron!

[The Nazgul mount their horses and set off. The camera pans to Orthanc where the Blue Wizard Mario begins to assemble an army. With him is Sauron's minion the Uber, Speaker of 1337. A note for all you non-nerds out there: 1337 or "leet" is some internet language created by bored nerds to annoy other people. After everything said in 1337 the English translation will just appear! Magical.]

Mario: Soon I will-a conquer the world-a for-a Sauron! The free people-a will bow before-a me!

Uber: j00r ju57 4 p4wI\I 0f 54ur0I\I! (You're just a pawn of Sauron!)

Mario: What-a the hell you-a saying?

Uber: j00r 4 n00b! b1tch! (You're a noob! Bitch!)

Mario: You-a have-a problems to speak-a the English?

Uber: U r teh suck111!1!1!1!!!! (You suck!)

Mario: O-a-K. I'm-a going to-a check on the-a Uruk-hai.

Uber: LOL!1!1! TEH SUCK!1!1! (LOL! YOU SUCK!)

Mario: What'choo talkin' bout?

[Near the town which is not Hobbiton, the Nazgul ride up to a random villager. Kerrigan gets off her horse and walks up to him.]

Kerrigan: Have you seen any Terrans….I mean Sonic around?

Random Villager: Man you're hot!

Kerrigan: That doesn't answer the question ingrate!

Random Villager: How `bouts you and I get a little 1-on-1 action going on?

Kerrigan: I'm warning you…

Arthas: Kill him already!

[Kerrigan's wing split out of the back of her cloak. She goes into full Zerg mode. The villager, no longer aroused by Kerrigan, stumbles back.]

Kerrigan: WHERE IS SONIC?!

Random Villager: Will you spare me if I tell you?

Kerrigan: UMM…YES *cough-NO-cough*!

Random Villager: He's headed to Black Mesa with some friends! Cronies you might even call them!

47: MOVE OUT! Ride North! Kerrigan, finish the villager!

[Kerrigan moves in on the villager. He disappears in a cloud of blood and unidentifiable organs.]

Arthas: I love a woman who can turn random villagers into a pile of blood and unidentifiable organs!

47: Stop hitting on your fellow Nazgul! Don't make me tell Big to spank you again when we return!

Arthas: I'll be good…

[The Nazgul ride off into the distance.]

Random Villager: Ow.